ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - December 19th 2025

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

On today's episode of the Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Big Pod, we are joined by long lost friends of the show... Did we inspire quote of the year? Octopus that plays the piano Song of the year Having a BFF is the new ick The Official Naughty and Nice List Surprise Guests What gift never got used? Christmas Bingo Story of the year - Cockroach Attack Fact of the day Secret Santa See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM Podcast Network This is Fleshwin and Haley's Big Pod Thanks to animates Making Happy Happen for Pets Good morning, Fletch Fawn and Haley The Last Show of the Year Wow We do have podcasts every day

For the holiday break Our Christmas Cocktail Special Starts tomorrow Our specials every day That we're podcast IHeart Radio Wherever you listen to your podcast Wherever I choose IHart Radio

KPI I, Vaughn. Vaughn's late, slept in. Slept in. Car broke down. I've got a tradition on the last day of the year for work. I always drive in my landrope, but I inherited it off my grandfather. I think that should stop. It is so slow.

Yeah, I think that should stop, especially when you're late. I was like, how was Vaughn late? He wasn't even that far away from work. Yeah. Unbelievable. Do you know what I've also got? Hard launch. I think flesh just took care of that.

Thanks, Wetch. You're welcome. Do you know what I've also got for the last day of the year? Shaving rash, like a kind of... Can you see it? Has there been a single month this year you haven't had a skin rash? Some sort of skin ailment. Rash on rash on rash! What the hell? He's woke up this morning. I was like sore armpits.

Do you want to swing by Dr. Shawnees on the way to the airport? Well, I was going to hit him up. Yeah, I was. Just for my final appointment of the year, you know? Maybe he's got some cream for you. Yeah. Coming up on the show today, our... We've got a fatty on our hands. After 8 o'clock this morning, our story of the year, we've teased this a little bit.

This was the cockroach story. The friend who anonymous, well, anonymous friend who confidentially told me a story. And the next day I just ripped it out on ear. And man, it was a yarn. So we're going to replay that story, but also we've got to follow up because a lot of people questioning the truthfulness of the story. But we've got to follow up with her today on the show. and very excited about that. Also, on the way, Vaughan, the top six, the last top six for the year.

Yeah, and we're going to be looking back at the top six. Top six, top six is of 2025. Man, I wish it was 2026, because the top six of top six is of 20206 sounds. Right, that sounds. So much cooler. Coming up on the show soon, a man has taught an octopus to play the piano. And we've been promised audio. There's audio.

Next, though. The 2025 quote of the year has been revealed. for New Zealand, and we are somewhat involved. Play ZM's Flash Forne and Haley. Now, we mentioned the quotes of the year for 2025. They were sort of mostly, for New Zealand, it was mostly politics-based. Our vote was for Christopher Luxton's have a Marmite sandwich. Yeah.

Great little reference there. If they're not having with them pack a Marmite sandwich and an apple like you and I did, about school lunches. But we've actually turned up in one of the quotes of the year. right next to a C-bomb. Oh, okay, wow, okay. The C-bomb, the big C-bomb. And do you know, when I was looking up to get this exact quote,

there is an article from, I'll say it's stuff, from May 2025. So this year saying, what is Girl Math? No, you're a bit behind. When did Girl Math first launch? Twenty-23? Yeah. 22? 23?

23? Yeah. Keep up. But the quote was from Act deputy leader Brooke Van Valdon Who we've met before This is a winning quote This is the quote that we appear in

I've never met her So don't say we've met her Why I said it, we've met her Which did she She brought in soap and it smelled like fish Have you been paying attention? Yeah This is it filming, okay

What is fish soap Why'd you bring in fish? She made soap for a hobby But it did smell quite unusual Is it wasn't meant to smell like fish? It's supposed to smell like the ocean But it smelled more like fish than salt Oh

Do you know what I mean? Do you think she just got a bucket of ocean? Fish slop. Fish. I don't know. It was weird, the whole thing. I mean, the smell of the soap, the personality, it all kind of lined up. Or lack thereof.

Yeah. I'm being as polite as I possibly can be here. Good, yeah. She's an unusual duck. Really unusual. Really unusual duck. Like she'd just been unplugged from the wall? Yeah, yeah, and was running on a few iOS behind sort of.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Needed an update. Made it an update. She was an iPhone 6. You know what I mean? And when you held her in your hand, you could feel it. It was weird. Okay.

So the quote that we're in references Girl Math, the thing that we created. And by the way, this article from 2025 doesn't credit ZDM. Oh, right. Okay. When they go, what is Girl Math? We're not actually, is an internet joke created in 2023. That's what they said. No, credit with credits due.

That was us. The quote was, I do not agree. this is Brooke Van Valdon, clearly unplugged from the wall. I do not agree with the clearly gendered and patronizing language that National Affairs Editor for the Sunday Star Times Andrea Vance used to reduce senior cabinet ministers to girl bosses, hype squads, girl math users and sea words. Oh, wow.

And so she was calling out a journalist, and that's the quote because she was in parliament saying girl math, and she dropped a hard sea. Wow. But we're just in there. I feel quite influential. And that's the quote of the year. Yeah, quote of the year.

Wow, okay. It's her calling out paper. for being patronising, but when she dropped an absolute C, followed by you, and then you know the rest of it, see you next Tuesday, in Parliament. But we've got in there. Girl math and a C-bomb.

We're in there. And just to call out stuff, we created that. For example, TikTok, went viral on TikTok, we did that. The Z-Am Podcast Network. A Swedish YouTuber, he's a musician, Matthias Klantz. Yeah.

Mathias Krantz. Latvia Klanz. He's known for his, eccentric kind of musical experiments on his YouTube channel. He rescued an octopus from a live fish market

and he was like I wonder if I could teach these very intelligent animals to play the piano. They are very intelligent. So he said they have the intelligence of a three-year-old? Three-year-old's dumb.

But you could I wonder if they had three-year-olds Could you teach them to like... Play the piano? There's like prodigy children that play the piano properly at three. Really? My children are part Asian. I'm waiting for the...

Yeah, where is it? They're a bit late, babes. You know, you know, you always see like a four-year-old Asian cranking a backflip on a skis or, you know, a violin or golf or tennis. Come on! But you're not the Asian parent. You're not cranking the, you know, come on.

Are you saying there's a little tiger mom? Shout out to William. What was his last name? Who I used to compete against. In piano? Huang, maybe. Yeah, and he had great Asian parents that absolutely made him a better pianist than me.

You know, my mum was lazy. Māori, Pakiya, lazy. Didn't she like... You were saying the only thing's stopping you being because I wasn't Chinese. Yeah, I didn't have Chinese parents. Okay. And William beat me in every single competition.

Right. What did he sense now? Because he had Chinese parents. He must be playing. He's probably a concert pianist. Look at me. I'm on the radio. Or just not.

He's probably like a high salute. Like lawyer or surgeon or something. And at the weekend, he relaxes and plays concert level piano. Yeah. For an audience of three. This YouTuber started teaching this octopus to press keys on a piano, on a little keyboard. So he tried several teaching methods, including light up keys and fake crabs that were hidden inside the instrument. So they didn't work.

So we designed a custom-built octopus piano. tailored to his curiosity and his strengths, and what he did is every time he pressed a piano key, he would lower a crab slightly closer to him. So it's like reward-based? Yes, and then only by completing a melody does the crab reach grabbing distance. So therefore, he learned and taught this octopus

that if he pressed certain keys, he would get a crab. Okay. Now, you promised audio, I need to hear it. I promised audio. Are you ready? An octopus playing a piano. An octopus rescued from a fish market. Chinese octopus.

With very, no ethnicity. Very pushy parents. Tiger Mom. No. Oh, get out. What are you doing, bitch? Get out of here. Guys, it's beautiful.

Don't tell me, he can sing. And then he gets a crab. That's all I've got, Haley. No, okay, actual, this is... Oh, I was so disappointed. No, this is... No, I will say the guitar that you can hear is the YouTuber. So just to clarify, the octopus is not playing the guitar.

Although all the tentacles really cover those threats. The octopus has not learnt the guitar yet, but the piano that you hear is the octopus. So this is the human. Yep. Is it? Come on and say another one. More.

More. More. Oh! He sucks, eh? Yeah. He's an octopus. Yeah, but he needs Chinese parents in there. Yeah, he needs some Chinese parents in there.

Can I just say? He needs a dad that's never home. Working, working, working, working. And a mum that's doing nothing but working in his kids. So I've looked up William Huang, who had met me at every single... Who was your nemesis? It was my nemesis around the piano competition circuits of the early 2000s. Yep.

Well, I looked him up. Dr. William Hung. Wow. A doctor of what? Medicine. Oh, not even the arts. Like an actual one. Like an actual one.

Wow. Okay. And what a Chinese parents? And what have you done? I got a Māori parent and a Pakiya parent and they did nothing for me. I'm pretty sure they did quite a lot for you actually. I was given every privilege on the surf.

I'm very grateful for my life. Yeah. Still though. Can he do this on the piano though? No, William could not. And I miss you And I miss you You know

Does William get to wake up and listen to A thousand miles with his friends? No! I reckon he could do whatever he wants He's a doctor, probably, he's probably got YouTube premium And Spotify premium too He's a doctor He studied in Otago

Yeah, of course he did Wow man He's so much better than me than every way So is he a surgeon or a GP or a Hang on, I'm going on Health Point. I don't even know what my arrival... I don't even know if I had a rival. What is an MBCHB, MBSB, Master Builders.

A Master Builder of... Wait, he's a master builder and doctor. Of cottages and houses. Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery. He's a surgeon. Where those... Those dexterous little hands. What do I do with my fingers?

Ah, wow. I don't think I started talking to talk about that. Play Z-M's flesh-borne and hayley. Now, officially, I'm on the official Altiaro music charts here. So this is official. These are the numbers are in. The top five albums of 2025.

And this is all based on streaming, songs that have played on the radio. Yeah. We influence us. Number five, Alex Warren's album, You'll Be All right, Kit. Yeah. That's our friend, Alex Warren, personal friend.

We saw him at the airport, didn't we? Yeah, we did. Yeah, we hung out in the Coru Lounge. Number four, short and sweet, Sabrina Carpenter. Number three is the math, the tour, the maths album, Ed Shearron. Maths, what's the plus minus equals Division X, like the collection. I thought you were mainly married at first sight. Nah.

Yeah. That's Sabrina Carpenter's, not the most recent album. No, short and sweet. It's the one before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, man's best friend's number 10. She's got two in the top in the chart. Number two is Life of a Showgirl Taylor Swift.

Number two, Taylor Swift. Number one, K-pop Demon Hunters. was the album of the year and Altiaroa. But the song of the year was ordinary our friend Alex Warren, little Alex Warren. And then golden,

K-pop Demon Hunters was number two. Okay. But I think this year's been a great year for music. And I'm not even, I'm not usually a pop music girlie. You like your death metal

and your bogan rock. My song of the year was actually Mongolian throat singing death metal and that is not a word of a lie. But this year I've loved it and I, like, we just played somber. And I love 12 to 12.

That's going to be, I reckon that would be my My pop song of the year Started the year with a lot of Chaparone too Yep, Chaparroro who we're seeing in February Yeah, that's not far away The Subway Yeah Also

Benson Burns Yeah Had some crackers He needs to come back into a shellway He's so great You're frothing on Olivia Dane Yeah yeah yeah You're getting a lot

Lot of Olivia Olivia That didn't come out of my mouth at all No Because he thinks of her face And can't speak I think of her face She's this stunningly beautiful

And if you're just the way she dresses She's very classy Very into fashion now or something Are you a fashion boy? What can I say? Do you know what's still in the top ten At the end of the year Charts for Otero

Messy Loli Young And I just think about back to last Have you listened to that whole album Such a great song It's flawless The whole album is very very good Yeah it's wild though when you look at the streaming Top 50 because there are still songs in their

Fleaward Macs Like the Googoodolls Irish. Iris. Do you know that way stopped Sabrina Carpenter to get into number one in the UK? The Verve. What? Drugs don't hurt work.

No. Which is a sweet symphony. Really? I think that was there. I read an article yesterday. I was like, what? Um, the Verve UK charts. Yeah, it was bad.

And I didn't have the time to look into why. Fleetwood Max dreams is still in there. Yeah, yeah. It's always, Fleetwood Mac's always in there. Oh, I'm me. But because it's just had a resurgence. I don't. And a whole new audience is loving it.

Yeah, yeah, totally. They're like, this song pops. And we were like, we know, we've known it for quite a lot, a long time. And the killers, Mr. Brightside's always in the top 50 streaming charts. Like, it's crazy. But it's a show, New New Zealand music doesn't often cut through. You know, they've got your own, like, actual Lord and Benny and all that. They've got their own charts for the New Zealand songs.

But this year, this song cranks. I love it. Also, The Drugs Don't Work is a great song from The Verve as well. Should we just Verve all day? Have a bit of Verve. Dangar. Sonnet by Verve. It's pretty good.

Not to be confused with the Verve Pipe, who sung the Freshman song. Isn't this a TV ad or a YouTube ad? It would have been many. I feel like it's been on a heaps of ads too. The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flashworn and Haley. Having a best friend is the new societal ick.

Yeah. Remember how like a little while ago it was like, if you've got a boyfriend, it's like an ick? Yeah. Which is funny because I was reading an article the other day about a boy having a girlfriend is the new brag and girls having boyfriends is the new ick, which is so funny that they're like,

I got a girlfriend. We're like, oh my God, shame, I got a boyfriend. Do you know what I mean? Like they are so chuffed and girls are so embarrassed. but the idea of, because I've got a best friend and I... But why is it bad? I don't, I think people are just saying that, like...

Why is it bad? Why is it bad? People are just saying it's a bit, like, immature. Oh, it'd be like, yeah. I've got a best friend. You're actually my second best friend. I know, I tell my friend Rachel this all the time that she's number two.

Oh, Rachel. And I think because I always say, oh, my best friend Jets, my best friend Jets, even to people who have met her a thousand times, I always call her this. So I'm ick because I... Oh, my best friend. So what do we say now, just my mate or my friend?

No, your mates. Yeah, you've got to be nonchalant about your friendships. Okay, right. So, like, you guys are just homies. I call you guys my homies. I thought we were being shalant. No, we're being shalant about best friends. We're being nonchalant in our friendships.

I have our friend rankings. So we're being shalant in our romantic relationships. Okay, right, okay, it's very hard to keep up. Do you have a best friend? Do you have one best friend? I've just got people in my life. Yeah, yeah. There you go.

Did I nail it? He just says his people. I've got acquaintances in my life. Acquaintances. Is that not too long enough? Acquaintances? No, that offends me. Greatly.

Yeah, I have friends. I don't actually know. Oh, like producer, producer girlie. Shannon, you've got a best friend, don't you? And I hate to bring this up in front of Carwin. But your best friend lives down south. Yes, yeah, on the farm. Do you call it?

No, I'm right here. Sorry. Carwin, you may want to take your headphones off. You're number two. No, we always talk about how, like, Carwin is my person. Like every day we speak for, I would say, like, I feel a bit gay. Yeah. We speak for, I would say, like, 16 hours a day.

Yeah. The second we leave here, we always say, bye, and I say, talk to you soon, and we literally will message, like, as I'm walking home. Yeah. But then, yeah, I've got my best friend down in Clinton, and I go down to the farm. She got pigs, by the way. I'll be pig farming over the baby. A little cuny coonies, baby babies.

So pets not, um, pork. Oh, they don't have any real animals. Oh, bacon. Now I want bacon. Yeah. But just as though, long tease, when we come back, I'll tell you how my pig farming's going. Okay. Oh, you're going to go pig farming? You're going down to Clinton? Yeah, yeah, yeah, over the break. Every time I'm a farmer.

Carwin, do you have a best friend because Shannon's already taken? No, I do. I probably have maybe like two or three. No, no, no, no, no. That's not the ick bit. Having like your top friends, that's very normal. It's the having the one person that you're like, this is my best thing. That were like how I am I would say that there's like two of my friends

in my life that are like my best friends But maybe one of them Let's get this out No no no no no no no no no Oh well I've got her presence in my bag right now So I just It is funny when Like that's how easy woman turn on each other

They've got no problem But they just one of them's like I've got a best friend and it's not you And the other one's like I do too but then that's a problem whereas guys are like, we've come to an agreement. Yeah, yeah.

Play ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley. From the Fletch Vaughan and Haley group chat, this is the top six. Today's some six. Oh, goodness. Ew. Jesus. You ever do it with the system of a down cough?

Uh-huh. System of a down. No. Disturbed. How dare you? No, what's the system of a down song that's got the weird noise in it? I think it doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter. Are you thinking of corn? I'm also thinking to that. Okay. But that's different again. Top six, top six is of 2025. We take a retrospective.

Is that right word? I don't care. It's the last day. I'm ready to go home. I only just got here an hour ago. Literally. Yeah, literally. Slipped in and driving a slow land rover.

Top six, top six is of 2025. Looking back on the year. These are the top sixes that we did. Where are you? That really resonated with the audience. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six, top six is for 2025.

was back in January. The top six reasons, 2025 is going to be a great fantastic top tier year where nothing can go wrong. Was that top six? Yeah, that was in January. I don't think that worked out for you, both. Maybe you brought it round.

I think we've been reflecting, haven't we? We have. Yeah. The lows have been low. Yeah. The highs have been high. Yeah. And it's one or the other.

As my therapist said yesterday, and we've got to feel it all. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's good. We've got to feel at all. That's good. Got to feel at all. Got to feel at all.

The highs can't be the highs without the lows being the lows. That's right. How those highs felt so good. Imagine you're just living in the mid the entire time. No, I'm not mid. I won't.

I refuse. No, no. I feel big. I'm feeling it all, Virginia. Number five on the list of the top six top six is for 2025 was back in March. We had the top six signs

the year's bad start doesn't mean the whole years dund. Right. Okay, yeah, right. Yeah. Just a bad start. It was just a bad start.

Put it behind you. Get on with it. Yeah. It was a great top six. Number four on the list of the top six, top six of 2025, came in April, just the next month. The top six, healthy guarantees I'm making my body to ensure it's a temple by the end of 2025

and doesn't reflect the poor year I'm actually having. Yeah, okay. Vaughn and I am both a bit hung over today. Do you remember back in, which is weird, because I only had three delicious creamy pints. Yeah, yeah. I only had two bottles. Jesus Christ.

You say no to a Guinness. You walk in and the taps like, Hey, Zaf. Over here. Hey, Vaughn. Well, over here. I'm like, no, I can't. Come on now, what's it to do to you?

Sip me. Yeah, yeah. Sip me. Split my G. Vaughney can't mean split my G. Aye. Splend my G. Okay.

Okay. So number three on the list of the top six. Top six is of 2025. Number three in June, the top six ways we can still turn this year around. Yeah, that's right. Halfway Mark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in June we were like, still wasn't better, my name, was it?

Yeah. Nah, but June, that's your turn it, that's your pivot point. Yeah, halfway through, you know, top six, top six is of 2025, number two was the top six signs it's not too late to make 2025 our year. That was in August. Oh, August.

We're getting into the last half. Yeah. And just this, earlier this month is our number one, top six, top six is of 2025. The top six signs, 2026 is going to be a year, baby. Yeah, do you reckon it will be, though? Do you reckon it will be? I genuinely, wholeheartedly believe it will.

Because we've just got to feel it all. Feel it all. The highs, the highs, the lows, the lows. That is the day's topsocks. The Z&M Podcast Network. The list of the naughty and nice names for 2025. The producer girlies have said no to me playing Snoopy's Christmas a Friday flashback at 8 o'clock.

And yet you would allow some of the other stuff that we've played. It's just such a boomer. song. I love the World War. You know this. I think that is one of New Zealand's favourite Christmas songs. I just think there's so many good songs. It's only popular here. I know, it's only popular in New Zealand. In Australia or just New Zealand? And in your studio and nowhere else. Okay. 9696. Snoopy, yes? Do you want? Don't send hate to us? Do you want Snoopy's Christmas for Friday flashback? No, don't send hate. No, just just

bit. Yes or no? Make your bid. Do you want Snoopy's Christmas for Friday flashback? Otherwise, I'll play something else. Why don't we just like have a fun club banger? Like a fun like, yeah, like flowrider. Georgia can do that. We do that all the time. Georgia can play the Friday jams. Four yeses.

Yeah. Well, keep your votes coming in 9-6-96. Vaughn, don't ask us how we've got this. What the hell? I've actually got a... Have you got some Trojan malware in Santa's lair? No, I've got... I'm friends with Santa.

Oh, okay. I have currently been keeping it on the download, but I've got... I'm friends with Santa. And I've got my hands on 20-25's naughty and nice list. Okay. Now, okay. Okay.

These are the, these are the, um, these are the top of the heap. For New Zealand. These are the naughtiest, these are the naughtiest and the nicest. So, if there are any kids listening. Yeah. And you're adults. It's not, it's not too late to turn it around. No.

I got Santa. Santa could still come. I got Santa on the, I got Santa on the blower. Oh yeah. And if you're a parent and you're listening, and you're with your children. First of all, this is a safe place. Yes.

But if they need a rake up, maybe text their name to 9-6-96, and I can do a quick check on Santa's list. Add it to the list. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you want people to do it all checks. If you think your child's been misbehaving and they need a little bit to be set straight this morning.

Oh, yeah, good. You text me their name and I'll give it a quick check if it is on the naughty list. Just quickly, how Snoopy's Christmas do it? We're playing Snoopy's Christmas. We've had about two nose and a myriad of yeses. I know. What do you want me to start with the naughty list

or the nice list? I think I'm at myself with the nice list. Go with nice. Here are the girls. Here are the girls. If your name's on this list, you're on the nice list. Elizabeth, Kate, Sophie, Emily, Laura, Rachel, Olivia, Anna, Amy,

Hannah, Rebecca, Emma and Sarah. Sinali on there? Sinali's not on the list. She's not, neither nor the news. So here's the nice boys. Here's the good boys. Jack, John and Joseph. Okay.

Just Jack John and Joseph. Jack John and Joseph, Luke, William, David, Thomas, Andrew, Benjamin, Samuel, Joshua, Michael and James. I'm going to ask a question, and I'm not calling out Santa for being racist, but I'm hearing a lot of Pachia names. I'm just going to say. I haven't heard of Saini. Where's hemi? Where's hemi? Where's paura?

Where's Aroha? Where's Huang? They're not the naughtiest nor the nicest. Well, he's a surgeon. Where's William Huang, other than being a successful medical surgeon, beating my ass at piano competitions all the time. name. Hayley just have you just joined us. Haley found out her nemesis is actually a surgeon now, so

he's winning. Nothing but a talker. Yeah, he's winning. Okay, I've just actually had a text in. Okay, yes. Shela. C-H-E-L-L-A is, are they on the naughty list? We're on a road trip and she's... She's been testing. Oh, okay. So let me just type this into Santa's

database. Okay, yep. Let's see what we've got there. It's not looking good. As you were reading out those names, someone said that sounds like Hayley's Friday night. Now I feel personally a tag. Wow. Is there a Jack?

Is there a Joseph? You did have that app for a while, don't you? I did. So, I've just checked Sanders list. Shell is not looking great at this stage. Unless they turn them around. Maybe if they're well-behaved for the car ride. I would say, pull your socks up for the rest of the, you know, pre-season.

Okay. Yeah. We need a check. We've got a little check here. Freddie and Rory. Freddie and Rory. I'll check. I'll just check it on.

Freddie sounds like, I'm pretty sure I saw that on the naughty list. And also, so we're kind of getting two texts cross over here. We've got a yes, yes, yes to Snoopy's Christmas. Yeah, I think it's... So Freddie and Rory at the moment, yep. On the naughty side of the... Oh, no. So there's a line down the middle of the list on how close.

They're very close to just getting back into the good graces of Santa. Let's read the definitive list of naughty names, boys and girls for 2025. These are the naughty girls. Naughty girls Grace Say it again Sorry just one more time Nauty girls

Please don't say that again Okay we've had the good girls Grace Good girl Now we're having the Norty girls Okay Stop it

I don't know which list I want to be on more Grace Norty Norty Kelly Natasha Charlotte Oh hold on

I'm just gonna No ads So because you're on the I'm on the premium And thank you again To the Christiane family Yes for the

Who apparently I said I said their name five different ways yesterday when I announced that I was part of their family YouTube plan and I only said it right once. But they wouldn't tell me which way I said it which was right. Okay, so these are the naughty girls. Grace Kelly, Natasha.

Oh, no, we all know a naughty Natasha right. Oh, my. I haven't met a good Natasha. Charlotte, Amanda, Georgia, Danielle, Lisa, Melissa, Nicole, Samantha and the naughtiest of all, Jessica. Yes, naughty Jesses. Yeah, I thought so, naughty jess is. Can we, sorry, I'm just so many messages coming in now.

Peyton and Dominic, naughty or nice. I can tell you right now without checking the list. Payton's on the naughty side of the line. Payton, Dominic, sort your stuff out. Yeah, naughty list. Ryan's feeling nervous. Ryan. Nauty?

Oh my God, he's on the naughty list. I'm just about to read the naughty boys list. Okay, naughty boys. Nordy boys. Wait, say it. Norty boy. No, it wasn't. Not as hot is it.

Noughty boy. No. What are you doing? Nauty boy. Nathan, Liam, Jordan, Tim or Timothy? Yeah, naughty. Jacob, Jason, Cameron, Ryan, Nick, or Nicholas. Nick?

Nick, naughty, Nick. Chris, and Jaden, Aiden? Matthew and Daniel are the naughtiest. Okay, right, okay. So they need to turn it around. Okay, well, there you go. Still time. Turn it around.

We've got any other names that need checking. Alyssa. Dylan. Dylan. Taylor with an A at the end. Nordy. Oh, that's naughty. Norty. Katie's on the good list.

Oh, Katie. Oh, my Katie. Oh, Katie. Merry Christmas, Katie. Cody. Cody! Andrea, we want to check. Is Andrew on the Nautil?

No, nice list. Was Andrea on the nice list? I saw it, Andrea on the nice list. Okay, that's good. Good girl. Good girl. Don't do that again. Good girl. Don't do that.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flash forne and Haley. Well, I was on my phone the other day, as I am wont to do. And I received a message from someone who wanted to know if they could come into the studio on our last show. and have a little visit. Oh. And I was like, you know, we're actually doing croissants and mimosas. It might not be appropriate.

Yeah. To have guests in the studio. But they assured me it would be fine. If you could just bring up my cord here, Fletch. Yes, absolutely. I'm just going to get them. Vaughn, can you help me? Yeah, I'll give you a hand.

One moment. Here we go. I know what's happening here. I've been tricked into this. I don't. No. I love you, Mr. Bitch!

God damn it! I thought we was dead, didn't you, Mr Fletcher? You are dead. Give us a good. Cuddles for Mr Fletcher. Okay, the... Christ, you smell like booze? I drug quite a bit of wine last night.

We've been on a gap here, Mr. Fletcher. Under the guys of death. Oh, hello everybody. The Christmas orphans are back. We're back, we're back. Guess who's back? Back again. Brother and sister are back.

Tell a friend. Guess who's back? Orphine's back Orphine's back We're going to work on that A little bit Yeah Yep

So you weren't dead We have a story To tell don't we brother Do we? Do you? Okay So here we go You start

I'll join in When I work out Exactly what's happening We thought We'd been adopted out Yeah we did You helped us find a new Mummy and Daddy

I did and I thought That was the end of you And I wouldn't have to deal With this again We get there Guess what? What? No spa.

No spa, Mr Fletcher. No pool. We're sharing a room. You know what? Right. No rumpus room. Yeah. I like to rump around.

They were vegans, Mr Fletcher. Right. How are you doing that to us? We're anemic, you see. We're anemic because we're orphans and we've been in an orphan. I know. We start getting terribly thin. Right.

We get the rickets, Mr. Fletcher. Terribly thin. Were they not giving you meals? No, they were not. It was like tofu scramble. I said, that ain't eggs. Come on now. Okay.

We do. We make plans, don't we, brother. We leave. We escape in the middle of the night. Right. Where did you go? Well, we was in a taxi and we was listening on I heart radio. Right.

To your radio show, Dengabel, brother. That's a KPI. We know about KPI. You know about those. And we start to hear. We've got our own set of KPI's. Do you? If we...

Get parents. If we smile and someone says he's got a beautiful smile, then we're like one step closer to adoption by someone who will feed us actual food. Yeah. If someone says, who couldn't love you? Ding, KPR. So we're listening in this taxi on our heart radio to your radio show. We start to hear.

Uh-huh. It vaunted a terrible year. Oh, we hear that he's a shocker. And we think, you know what he needs? What? Children. Children. He's already got some.

Yeah. Yeah, but they're older now and somewhat moody and temperamental teens. Yeah, they're into boys and stuff. Boo! I don't like that. Oh, Papa, why's it upset you so much? One of them I hear is messaging a boy, and his name starts with Jay, and I don't like that. Oh, no, no, that's a naughty boy.

He's going to get a wallet and fire to see him. Oh, Jesus, okay. So we think we've got a hitchhike down from Fangare, where we was. Yeah, I believe it's pronounced Fingangangari. For gangery. Okay. Uh-huh. And we think we're going to turn up.

We're going to see our beautiful Mr Fletcher from here. And also get the word out that if you're looking for two adorable children to join your family and you eat meat. Yeah. And other things that contain vitamin pool, spa. Ruppers room for rampage rooms for brother-sister. Because I'm also about to hit puberty. That is not a time. Mr. Fletcher, not a time for a brother and sister to be sharing a.

a room. Yeah. No, that's fair. So, text us 9-6-9-6. Not even a fast. Step-brother and sister, especially if they know. Well, anyway, text us 9-6-9-6 if you've got a mummy and daddy that will tape up for a recess. Maybe you could.

Maybe the kids have left, then you need some more. Are you happy we're not dead, Mr. Fletcher? I mean, it's a surprise. It's a real surprise. We were very close to dead when those vegans wouldn't give a spoon. I know. You do look a lot skinnier. Mr. Fletcher, they wouldn't vaccinate us either. Oh, wouldn't they?

You know, there's a measles outbreak. I know. We're not being jabs. We didn't get MMR. We haven't been jabs. We actually come into Auckland when there's a measles outbreak. It's an unvaccinated. Simply John.

We can't get out here. Okay, you guys go. You guys go hitchhiking. Good luck. Where should we go? Wait, who's staying at your house while you're away? It's all locked up. Is it?

Yeah, it's locked up. You won't be able to stay there. Just think it's quite nice, Central Auckland. That'll be nice, aren't. Close to the beaches. Oh, no, I'm good. Has Vaughn's still got his pool? Yeah, go to Vaughn's, he's got a pool.

To Qm you, brother. There's also a chest freezer of red meat. There you go. Hooray! Well, we love you, Mr. Fletcher and all. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I'm looking at your text machine here.

Are you? Should you be? Come to my house and nahinapuri. Nahinapuri? I don't even know. where that is. I've never heard of it. I absolutely hate the Christmas orphans. Changing stations a minute. That's a reverse

KPI. That's... Play Z-M's flesh, born and Haley. My sister and I yesterday were discussing what to get our parents for Christmas, and I said we should get them a voucher to go like glamping, I guess, is what you call it. It's just wild.

It's like... I really like staying canopy camping if you guys out of the width that cap. Dude, I'm honest. I... The answer. Instagram's fantastic and they're all these amazing like Oh yeah man yeah that's nice So often I know exactly where that is

Yeah I want it so often I mean I get a new one I go through And I go oh that's all nice but boomers don't do that So they go to motels with a little sustainer of New Zealand And a small milk and use the small milk from the motel Yeah to have breakfast so they don't have to pay for breakfast They don't go out You're right This is the worst gift ever

No it wasn't because we got them a voucher because So I said we should get them one of these And my sister's like, no, we didn't know the last time we got them one of those, they'd never used that. I was like, what? What was the about to floor again? It was for like glamping, like a getaway, like a weekend away at a secluded spot.

They don't go away. But they're always like, that looks nice. When we go to these places, like my sister loves them. I love them and we'll like send photos to the family chat. And they're always like, oh, that's nice. Oh, isn't that serene? And we're like, oh, okay, so we go, and yeah, apparently they never used it.

So has that expired? Yeah. I guess this is why you don't get people presents. Oh, tough. They're not getting one this year if they didn't use last years. Yeah. That does have big parent energy, doesn't it? It does, yeah.

You're not getting your pudding because you didn't eat your beans. Yeah. No. So, yeah, that parent had they never used it. It's ridiculous. Yet to consult further on what we're actually going to get them then. Well, leave you, leaving it a bit late. Jesus, it's Friday before Christmas.

What are you going to go on the weekend to the mall? No, my sister will and I'll just give them money. Yeah, yeah, God. I think she likes that. Yeah. We want to know this morning on 0,800-Z-M or 9-6-9-6 to text. What gift never got used? When you bought someone something and it just got, oh, cool, and it never got used.

Worse if they asked for it and never used it. Because it shits you, A, you've spent money. B, you might have put a lot of thought into that gift, and it just doesn't get used. I mean, it's, I mean, vouchers would be a big one. But even a voucher, there's no thought in that, but it's. at least you've spent money on it and it might expire or just not get used. Two messages in, I just want to kick things off with.

One, Merry Christmas, Mingers. Yes, Merry Christmas. Merry Friday Christmas to you, fellow Minga. Yeah, to all of our Mingers listening. Here's a story to kick us off that's really just made me laugh. My ex-sister-in-law asked me what I didn't want for Christmas. I said, I don't want a glass bowl. Guess what she gave me?

A glass bowl. Oh my God, that's so funny. In front of her and everyone I said to her, so you don't want to think of this? I threw it in the bin. Oh, wow. Mom retrieved it, but I don't know what happened to it. I was 19 years old.

Wow. A glass ball. I will not have a glass bowl. I don't want a glass bowl and she got you a glass bowl. That's funny. It's funny. It's really funny. I should have smashed it though for full drummer.

I wouldn't have been able to miss. Smash it straight on the tiles. Okay, well, 0800 dials at end as a number. Call us now you can text through 9-6-96. What gift never got used? Well, we're talking about what gifts you got somebody that never got used. Because apparently my sister and I, got a vouch for our parents to have a weekend

away and it just never got used. Yeah, that was what, a couple of years ago. That's a lot of money. It's expired, it's gone. So we want to know... Did they use their dash cam? Good question, I haven't seen that plug to the 90s. Phillips dash cam?

Oh, that was a terrible idea. Last year, just back story, last year as a trio, we were all going to chip in for a digital photo frame and then my brother got into his head that my parents needed a dash cam because, you know, they're on the road all the time. All the time, they're on the road. They're curious.

My parents are curious. And yeah. So he was like, no, I'm going to get it in the dash cam. We're like, okay, I tell you what gets used every day. And they love the digital photo frame that we can send photos to. Yeah. From our phone, speaking of which I really need to do that. My sister's kids are taking up too much of that gigabytes.

No, you've got to get in there. I've got to get some high quality landscapes. Since the photos of Haley and I, they like us. I wait. So should I send it right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Send it to the photo frame. I'm going to do it right now.

You have to do a landscape though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a landscape photo frame? Yeah, it's a little skate photo frame. God be cute. Yeah, that was cute. Okay. And so you, that will just be in their photo frame, like, soon.

Oh, we're going to do it right now. Great gift idea. See, that's a great gift idea. Yeah, and they love it. Boom appearance, sending them a weekend away to a tiny eco cabin. That's not a terrible. That's as a terrible idea. It's actually a really nice photo of us.

Nikita, good morning. What voucher did you get someone that went unused? Good morning. First off, love you guys. listen every morning. Oh, thank you, Nekita. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Are you trying to get one of Haley's, are you trying to get one of Haley's croissants that she's just put in the oven or something? The croissons are in the oven and I always say Nakeda, the cheese is starting to melt. Oh, I mean, I wouldn't turn that down. I'm also making mimosas with the real orange juice. Oh, okay, good. I got McCoys.

Wait, is that the real one? I thought you would have gone for one of those orchard. Yeah, Charlie's simply squeezed or something. That's where 100% pure. Okay, Nikita. That's Annie and Christine's Framio, by the way. That's probably gone just going, the ding!

How cute is it should we put up on our socials? I think it's a really cute for that. Nikita, so what did you get someone that went unused? So technically I didn't get it, but my boyfriend got it for his mom. Yeah. A spa day experience, and it was about to expire,

and she was like, ah, I'm not going to use it. And I was like, I will. Swope. Wild. Because moms are either spa mums or not spa moms, and most moms probably aren't spa mums, are they? My mom's a spa mum, but it's got to be, they've got to mentally prepare themselves for these things as they get older, and I think that takes a fair bit of.

Does it? Getting their hair around. Yeah, right. Just what someone else touching you or something? What'd you get done? Yeah. What'd you get done then, Akita? So it wasn't like a hands-on kind of one,

but there was all sorts of, like, cool thermal pools, Oh, good for the bones, good for the skin, yeah, love for the song. Thank you, Nikita. Hey, Nakeda, have a bloody wonderful Christmas. Oh, you too, guys, you too. Do you want a calendar? No. I'm not allowed to send any more out.

You were told yesterday no more giving out calendars. Well, I just gave one out to Nakeda. But it's Nakeda Fletch, it's Nakeda. That's our old friend. Okay, well, you are the only one. One we're allowed to give out. The last one, Nakeda, we'll send it out. Now, Nakeda, what radio station do you always tune in to start your day right?

Oh, ZM. Oh, thank you. Thank you, yeah, thank you, yeah, thank you, Nickyter. That's another KPI there. Yeah, if you're out of reception, you can get us on the I-Harf app. On the, yeah, thank you there, Vaughn. Belinda, good morning. What gift went unused?

Hi, guys. First of a long-time listener, first time, call. Yes, welcome. We've got a calendar for you, too, Belinda. Okay, do you want the producers to hate you on the last day of the show? I mean, why can't change this thing? Belinda, what was the gift that went unused? Well, I've got a preface this by saying my partner's really hard to buy for it.

Okay. So I thought I'd get him a really nice watch. Oh, expensive. And that was about four years ago. It hasn't even come out of the box. Apparently, he can, he's got. some superpower of being able to just sense what the time

is. I don't know if he, you know, looks at his shadow on the ground or if he's on an old school sundial. He's like, oh, Belinda, it's 1pm, I don't need to watch. Yep, pretty much. Yeah. Is he pretty good with telling the time without a watch, though? Because that would be

great if he was. Yeah. Actually, I hate to say it. Yeah. He's pretty old boy. He is. God damn it. He is. I hate it. Have you thought about selling the watch, pointing it off or is it going to become an inheritance item? What are we doing with the watch? I think he's funny

you say that because I think he's hidden it somewhere thinking that that's probably what I'll do. Yeah, Salop when you're not looking and buy some beer or something. You know what? I don't mean to get grim on it, Belinda, but if you outlive him, make sure you bury him in that watch. Put her on his cold dead wrist. Be like, tell the time now you're dead bitch.

What time is it, mate? Eternity. When you can't see the sun! You're dead buried. Sorry, Belinda. Sorry, Belinda. Sorry about that. Sorry, Belinda. We're being silly. Now, Belinda, what radio station do you listen to at a start? You're not right.

Oh, always get in six, Gordon, Haley. Oh, thank you. Yeah, good. Thank you, Belinda. Let's finish with some text messages. I love. My favourite messages came through. I get Bunnings vouchers every year. I work at Mater 10. That's good. I found an iPod shuffle in my husband's drawer that I got home for 2004.

It's still in its packet. Okay, that's retro, man. That's actually. That is slap hard. That would actually get you some money online. Would you be able to plug it into a computer? It would be old fat USB and the fat core. Yeah, you'd get an adapter easily.

Last Christmas, my mum got me and my girlfriend very nice nose studs for our nose piercings that we haven't had for three years. Oh, that's nice of mum, though. It's nice old diamante. She's like, why are we going to get the lesbians this year? I didn't say lesbians, but it gave lesbian. And good morning to all of our lesbian listeners.

We love having it. Oh, there's lots more. There's so many. I bought my mother a foot spa because she always talked about how nice they looked. She hasn't used it once. Ungrateful.

My sister-in-law said don't ever buy my kids recorders. So I bought the kids 12 recorders. I get there to see me five years later. They do use them though. My ex-husband got me a toasted sandwich maker one year for an extra gift. So I don't eat bread.

And he's never seen me yet a toasted sandwich. So I don't know what he was thinking getting me a toasted sandwich maker, but she did say X. Yeah. My dad was complaining about having a drink warm water when he's outside, so I got him a Stanley cut. He used it once, and he said, the water's too cold.

That's such a dad thing. There's no pleasing him. Yeah, there's no pleasing a dad. Gave my son a zip line voucher. He didn't use an ungrateful little sod. Oh, Zip lining so much fun. Yeah, it's real fun. My narcissist auntie got our second-hand gifts,

which is fine, but the bag she got me was falling apart and he used chewing gum inside in the bottom of it. We don't do Christmas or really anything with her anymore, Or, frankly, we're even merrier for it. Yeah. The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleshhorn and Haley. Right now we want you to help us out,

966969, the things that you're definitely going to hear from those older people in your life this Christmas. It might not even be an old, you know, an old soul. Yeah. You might have a brother or a cousin that's a bit of an old soul. Or just racist. Here's one. Geez, what the hell's going on over in the States right now.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay, put that on. on the bingo board, that's a good one. Now that could be either side of that. Or anything Trump related? Yeah, Trump. I'm so sorry if you have to spend your Christmas or the Trumper. I know. I'm sorry to hear that. Sorry to hear that. I don't. You've got a ring on that finger yet? Yes.

From an old mate. Yeah. And nudging the boyfriend. Or just got a girlfriend? Got a boyfriend? Yeah, yeah. Got a boyfriend? Gay, are you? Just hearing white middle-aged boomers say Chrissy instead of Christmas. I don't know why, but it triggers me every year. Did you have a good Chrissy? Merry Chrissy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a good Christmas. I just want to also say good morning to Tracy who listens on the way to work

She said I start my day Every day every day The radio station to buy a choice Oh you great Thank you Tracy I think she sounds like she's working over the break Oh okay Thank you for your service

Thoughts and prayers I got asked last year If I was just fat or pregnant Thank God I was actually pregnant Although this year We don't do that We don't comment on that Unless there is a hand

poking out of the Yeah, unless we're 10 centimetres dilated. Yeah, and a midwife confirms that, and a midwife looks at you and goes, ask now. Yeah, pregnant. On my, someone said, can't wait for the parenting advice

from my partner's grandma, like, that baby just needs to be shut in the dark room. Oh, yeah, okay, that's, is that helpful? Yeah, right. It's very helpful. My 94-year-old spinster aunt, did you read that? You haven't lost any weight then. And meanwhile, the aunt will be like the size of the house.

Yeah, it's amazing. Oh, like, bones, then. Yeah, yeah. Then she's 94, so... Yeah, maybe bone son. Out here, Rower? Yeah. They'll be...

Like, they're trying, by saying... Rower. Or that's how I've always said it. Oh, I don't bloody know, do I? I can't keep up with you wokeness. Oh, God's sake. You woke people. Omeroo.

What am I saying wrong? This is the first Christmas without my nan. She passed away earlier in the year. So we won't get the old... Just be careful what you say around Vaughn. Yeah, yeah. That's what my mum always says to me. God.

Can't see anything around the best. And just, she'll always give her a reminder before my sister's partner arrives. You know, he does have some Maori heritage. Yeah. Now, I don't know what kind. I don't know where she's Polynesian. I think they're up north. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think Samoa. From the island somewhere. A refreshed Jacinda bashing after the recent Graham Norton interview. Oh, yeah. Why have they bloody got hair on there? Well, they've got a couple of books and a Graham Norton appearance to really dissect. Who bloody wants to hear about that? Yeah.

My granddad every year says it's just like been on holiday, isn't it? That's nice, though. It is holidays, we know that, Grandad, yeah. I love this. I'm not racist, but those lesbians. It's covering so many basics. It's all on the bingo board.

Yeah, that's perfect. Mary Kirahimiti our terror. I'm bloody trying. Play Z-Ns, flesh one and Haley. Feedback? I wasn't allowed to play it from the producers, but I tell you what, the people have spoken.

The best Christmas song. Thank you, my favourite Christmas song ever. My 11-year-old went to switch this off. It's hand-smacked. Yeah, good. Aramax van with tinsel on the wiper blades and bull bars coming in hot to end the year, Merry Christmas. Don't the producers have double-egg yokers on their face. They do. Don't bring up the double-yakers.

Sorry. Go to our socials if you missed that. I'm Gen Z, and this is my favourite Christmas song. We always put up our Christmas tree to this song, and for some reason it's making me teary. Oh, thank you, Sean. Banger of a Christmas. Nailed it.

Yep. Someone said, it's not Christmas until you is no Miss Christmas. That's right. It's not wrong. You're not wrong. Now, we're celebrating today.

We've got a mimosa, a croissant in the belly, and we're looking back on what has been a fabulous year of radio. Terrible year, personally, but on radio. Personally, a terrible year for you too. The show's been somewhat of a sanctuary. And one of our favorite moments,

and we're calling it the story of the year, was a story I was told at a pub. and then I told you, have a listen. You've got permission to share this story. I don't know that I do. Really? Just going to... We're quite new friends. Yeah, I think your friends are quickly going to learn

not to tell you stories like this because then they end up on the radio. I just put a phone call. I reckon it's her anyway. She pulled down her tights to go to the toilet and did her business and pulled up her tights and went about her, you know,

left the bathroom and everything. Yeah. And then she sat down, and was like Oh my goodness and felt something into her anus No I thought there was going to be

a bit of tulip paper or something Like what is it? Something crawled into her anus And not like around Something Burrowed into her anus Right That must be a truly terrifying feeling

squirmed. Yeah, I would imagine. You would imagine. I can't even, you know. And a known entrant. Yeah. Okay. So she was like, it felt like a buzzing, like a fizzing inside of her.

Fizzing. She calls her husband and is like, there's something in my anus. And he's like, okay. And she's like, no, no, no, we need to go to A&E. Like something is happening. I'm not going to A&A. I've said it before, I'll say it again. If something accidentally ends up in my anus, I'm not going to A&E for a day.

I'm giving it a few. hours. Yeah, I'm giving it a day. No, no, this thing is ratly. And she's like, no, but she doesn't know what it is. She doesn't know at this point. You're but chug some olive oil. Flush it out, you know what I mean? I take a couple of laxatives. All she knows is she went to the bathroom and now suddenly something's happening.

A burrow out of the anis. She goes to the A&A, puts herself up in the stirrup. They open up her anus. Using what? Well, I guess some kind of like a, you know. The Duffill thing from the... Speculum. And in there they find almost like a palm-sized cockroach.

They say it's the biggest cockroach they have ever seen. This is not true. This is not true. They've got, but they didn't have the actual photos with them. They had this, it was a palm-sized cockroach that had gone up. And because she had panicked so much, her sphincter had crushed it to death. So what I am learning is her swifter Georgia Byrd's face

Her swinger Her sphincter is more powerful than a nuclear bomb Yeah Because cockroaches can survive Nuclear fallout They can't survive this woman's Iron grip Yeah I know

And so at the time the conchroaches Well that would be a nice place To maybe sweat For the afternoon Yeah in her panty hose And her undies down on the ground It would have crawled in there She would have just pulled them up

And in a panic This thing has burrowed into her anus They had to extract the dead cockroach So they said to her It was in there and it was dead So it wasn't moving anymore But she was convinced she could feel it They said to her

Because of the size of it And it's not as solid She couldn't bear down She couldn't per bit down So they said you're gonna have to wait till you have a bowel movement And it will flush it out And she said over my dead body Get that thing out of it you've already got the

Foresep it out basically This cockroach Which is how they were able to see That it was so like Someone wondered if when her sphincter clenched around the cockroach, I wonder if any of the eggs popped out of the cockroach and last birthday, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you see, yes, they did, there were eggs in the undies?

Okay, okay. Oh, they're going to be sick. Oh, I'm going to be sick. I apologise to any listener that is eating, especially eggs. Babe. Especially it. Well, you know what, at the time, so many people didn't believe the story. They were like, no, it can't be true.

Well, it is. and joining us next on the phone. Cockroach bum. We've got her on the phone anonymously. Play. Play ZN. Fletchhorn and Haley. You would have just heard us replaying

what we have dubbed our story of the year. A story told to me, I will say, in confidence at a pub. Yes, and then you just blurted it out. I just came in the next day and I said, I have a yarn and the nation needs to hear it. And I will say after that played, Originally.

Originally, there were a lot of texts saying that there's no way that that can be real. And I was like, it was. This person would not lie to me. No, and at the same time, there were nurses. And people that work in ER saying, no, this happens a lot more than you think it does. Well, here's a little treat for you just before Christmas. And we're going to keep her anonymous. Anonymous joins us, the actual victim of this cockroach attack.

Good morning, Anonymous. Good morning. I have my children to thank for this telling Auntie Haley all about this mortifying story. Yeah. I don't even know how we got into this over dinner at the pub, but yeah, your kids were the one who were like, you've got to tell her this story. And you were like, no. And then I am sorry that not only have I told it on radio once, but it's actually turned into sort of a three-part fiasco for you to relive. Oh, God. Did you hear that, did you hear Haley telling that story on the radio in the morning and think, oh, stop?

Oh yeah, I texted her Yeah I think you called me a little shit To be fair Do you, so on the On the, and we thank you for the story Because it is a real gift Do when you tell people this story

Anonymous Do you often get the thing of like That can't be true Oh occasionally But I don't tell many people the story I think it's a third person I've ever told to be honest And if anyone has just joined us

You pulled up your pants, a cockroach, into due, and, um, yes, I can't even finish. Yeah, so if we start from the beginning, we were doing a renovation on our house. We had no jib at all with the ceiling. Okay, yeah, both roof. Two little kids, I'm on the toilet, trying to cook dinner, trying to look after them, pull my pants up, off I go, finish cooking dinner, looking after kids. Easy. It wasn't until.

I sat down to eat, said dinner, that I felt it go right up. Sort of a fizzing feeling, eh? Sort of a live kind of fizzing. I stood up so fast, and I screamed, and I look at my husband. I'm like, oh, my, something's just crawled up my butt. I don't know what, but I've got to get it out. That's love, eh? I will say, and again, keeping you anonymous,

but you two have one of the most beautiful love stories. I mean, absolute soulmates. And only to a soulmate could you say, babe. Something's up my butt. We've got to get it out. How, because I've always been a big believer if something accidentally ended up up my butt, I'd give it a, I'd probably three days of hard trying to get it out

before I went to any sort of ER. Yeah, S AED. No, I'm paying the hundred bucks. I'm going to A&E, we're getting that out. Wow, was it a white cross after hours fee? Because they hike the fee when it's after hours, don't they? at that point I didn't care I walk in there and I whispered to this receptionist

something's called up my butt we've got to get it out and she was like no no hon what did you put up there yes oh yes I know I'm in there all the time oh I heard it no no no no I didn't put anything up there you don't understand something went up there like fizzed

up there I've got to get it out it's not moving now I can't feel anything now it's scaring me they actually put me straight through the doctor thankfully it bends me over looks right up in there. She goes, there's a cockroach in there. But it's dead.

Your sphinxed crushed it. So your sphincter is more powerful than a nuclear bomb. Because they say cockroaches could survive nuclear fallout. They can't survive your smitherto. Also, I feel like we brushed over the receptionist that is used to dealing with things put up the butt too much. Yeah, liars, liars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, liar, liars.

Yeah. I also love the whispering, like, trying to keep it. But, like, there was going to be no. kind of pride or ego very quickly. Oh, honestly, I've had two kids. So at this point, I was just like, whatever. Fish her out now. And the doctor looks at me and she's like, honestly, it's dead.

It's not moving. You've crushed it. It'll pass out in a couple of days. And I'm like, no, I've already paid the money. Just flush this thing out. So I have a full-blown enema for the first time in my life. I go to the bathroom. I'm not leaving A&E until this thing's out of me.

It's flashed. You've paid the $100. dollars. I'm on your side. I'd want it out. Oh, me too. Yeah. So then I didn't flush because I was like, I need to show my husband this. So I'm coming into the A&E bathroom. So, mate. And I'm like, dude, you've got to look how big that's her is,

you know? I love it. So wait, you've been over and he looks. What does he say? He's like, oh, whoa, oh no wonder you were like, take me to A&E. It was a big cockroach. It was big. Oh my It's huge. Did he take a photo

of prosperity? No, he was like on the verge of vomiting. Okay, yeah, as you would be, I guess, yeah. Yeah. How do you recover from this as a loving couple, you know, like going back home and trying to get back to your daily life and he's looked at the crushed, ginormous cockroach that you've had to have flushed anally out of you, man.

Oh, well, we have a joke about it now because he's Dutch and I always call him a tighter, but now I have the nickname Taita because I'm the one in the way. The crusher. Well, you crushed it, yeah, yeah. The crusher. You crushed it, didn't you?

And then so, okay, so it comes out with a flush? Yes. Yes, okay. And then you flushed it away, I'm guessing. I would have got one of those little specimen jars. Yeah. I would have sung in a wee whiter. You know what I mean?

And then let it go. Let it go away. Because I would have kept it. Would you? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I think so. No, I would have flushed it and just gone home in embarrassment.

Yeah. Yeah. I went home. I had like three showers. Oh, I felt so gross. Yeah. Wow. And there were eggs in my undies.

That's right. That's right. We talked about this afterwards. You said that. So when your strong sphincter crushed the cockroach, which was clearly female. Also, apologies to anybody that's just gone through the drive-thru and is eating breakfast. Because we said this when we originally told the story about the eggs thing. And that's when people were like, this can't be true.

And then people were getting real sick. So you'd crushed the eggs out of this thing? Yeah, so I didn't realize until I went to the doctor and we'd, you know, pull the panties down. I'm bent over. She's right up there looking right in my asshole. And I'm like, I go to put the undies back on and I'm like, oh, hell no.

I'm going to mind those went in the bin. Yeah, those went in the bin. I would have lost those too. Did she look up your bum with the same thing. They look in ears? Well, you know how they put the plastic cover over it? So there's no cross-contamination between ears? You don't want to lose some plastic.

cover, though, as well. I didn't say, like, I'm literally on the verge of a panic attack, just been over saying you've got to listen now. I don't know what she used, yeah. Yeah. Well, best hundred dollars you've spent in a while, I'm guessing. Yeah, it's awesome. Just the best yarn that we've had on radio all year.

Yeah. And we thank you for letting us share it, because, as you say, you don't share it with everyone. You probably were going to share it with me. Except now New Zealand knows. Yeah, yeah, the whole country. Our story of the year, thank you so much. Anonymous, although we do.

know your name. We know who you are, but we shall never tell the secret lives and dies with us. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Fleth Vaughan and Haley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. It's Christmas misconceptions all this week At fact of the day Things we thought we knew about Christmas That we don't

Today is that Christmas Was the original holiday Where you told ghost stories No, that's Halloween It is now But in the early 19th century Christmas was prime season for ghost stories Think about it in the northern hemisphere

Cold nights, long dark nights Flickering firelight Everyone gathered indoors It was the perfect time for like sketch stories and often with moral warnings. And then a big bang on the roof and footsteps and then someone comes down the chimney. That's scary.

Yeah, breaking into my house. A big fat man. Weird. Victorians kind of gave us a lot of the modern Christmas traditions in one form or another that may have changed. But they also believe that Christmas is a time where the veil between worlds was thinner. And so, like, you know, the ghosts and stuff

could get through from the other side easier. And in 1843, Charles Dickens published. a Christmas Carol which despite spirited the Ryan Reynolds Will Ferrell movie from a couple of years ago which was actually quite tolerable

despite being full of songs it's a ghost story about death regret and damnation multiple spirits chains the hauntings and everything and the threat of eternal suffering I was lucky

I've watched the late great Ray Henwood do Christmas Carol it was Dye's father on stage phenomenal great but it is very ghostly so again

it stopped being scary because Christmas became more child-cented, commercialised, sanitised and the church were kind of pushing it towards, you know, full Jesus. Yeah. For all Jesus. And I'm sure the... Full-blown Jesus. I'm sure the retailers' association

wanted something a bit better too. Yes. You know, like thinking about presents. That leads us on to the other part of this is that Santa used to be primarily fair and punished-based. Oh. So the early European folklore before, you know, he had a reprimand was that the

forbearers focused on punishment, abduction of bad children, violence, and moral connection through physical violence. Yeah, but I would say there would still be parents out there in your apparent Vaughn

who would use the threat of presents and Santa. Yeah. Well, I think we should use the threat of crampus, the half-goat, half-demon, central European eul-tied. I love crampus.

Cranpus. He beat children with sticks and the worst children, the worst percentage, drag straight to hellfetch. Oh, wow. Show a picture of crampus. Is this father crampus? You pull up crampus, and I'll tell you about the next one. He is so scary.

He's like a horned kind of devil creature. Oh, okay. He's half-deacon. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, that's crampus. Big tongue. Clocked. And in the folklore of Germany, a companion of St. Nicholas was

knight grumpch. And he would He kind of do the opposite too He carried a whip He asked children prayers And if they failed He'd punish them by whipping them Oh my God, so scared

Oh my God, no crap Stop out Balschnickle is dirty wild And unpredictable Rewarded the good kids Hit physically hit the children That were naughty Wow

And Father Frost Froze disabedient children Jack Frost Yikes Father Frost Yeah Might have morphed into Jack Yeah yeah

Don't call me Father Frost As my father That was my father's name I'm Jack, you can call me Jack. So today's fact of the day is that Christmas wasn't always, you know, light, fluffy, and children-friendly. It used to be based a lot around ghosts and punishments. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. A do-d-do-do-do-dood-dood-dood-dood-dood-do-d-d-do-d-d-d-do-do.

The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's FlashForn and Haley Maybe some Christmas music from you Would be nice, actually I've actually unplugged my laptop for the year So sorry, I can't provide Yeah, I mean it's not It's not giving presents

It's got big in the background Of the King's Christmas message It's been another red year It's been a difficult year Yeah Yeah, we've swept that whole Prince Andrew thing under the carpet. Yes, we don't talk about Prince Andrew. He no longer matters to the royal family.

Okay, we're doing Secret Santa. The rule was, we're not going to do greedy Santa. You draw your name out. You pick, that's your present. Okay, and joining us in studio to play Georgia and the producer Gurley's. So each person was tasked, as you say, with bringing in a reused gift. Okay. I love this.

I love this. Drawing out first name. Who have we got? Picking first, Haley. Oh, yeah. I'm going for a gift that was clearly wrapped by a woman. Because if anyone's put in... It's actually really well wrapped.

That's really well. Is that yours, Georgia? Yeah, and actually if anyone was together, it would be, Haley. Oh, no, what is it? A disc man. A disc man. A personal CD player. That's cool. Discman.

Why were you given a disc man and why are you re-gifting it? To be honest, I actually don't know. I don't know why I was given it, but I didn't even open it. I was like, I ain't going to use that. The best part about it is it's, of course, the well-known household electronics brand, laser. Laser. This has been a anti-shock. Thank you so much, Santa.

Okay, next name. Drawing out next, Fletch. Okay, step up to the present table. I want the big one. I want the big one that's green. That I rat myself. It feels heavy. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

Oh, he's ripping in. Oh, great folly. Great, great sound effects there for me. It's in a box. It's in a box. It's in a wine box. Oh, yeah, that was also. That box is reused from Nannygo. Winerary.

Oh, oh, oh. Sorry, my dream bottles on the ground. Mimosa, survive that. Okay, I've got a bucket of Christmas cookies that I think. I think we got for free earlier when the Christmas cookie guy came in. Yeah. But that's all right. That was supposed to be reused of something.

Yeah, that's great. How many of those buckets did you already have yourself Fletch? I have re-gifted also a lot of them. Okay. Up next, Georgia. To the present table, Georgia. Is that a bag one of the presents? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.

The Lindau chocolates, they're not. That's for Brian Clint's team. Okay, I'm going to open. Oh. Oh. Oh, it's here. Yeah, we have four. Heavy.

It feels like something that I might leave in the studio, potentially. We've got a nice in the studio. It's very rude. Can I say, I know the story behind what you're about to unwrap it. I'll tell you the story behind it. What is it, Georgia? What in the green sheep is this? It's a green sheep.

So who can't do this, Fletch? Lily from Big Say Furniture gave Flesh that. On my birthday. When we went to blow up a company car that we had and Big Say Furniture Sponsor and Lily got fletched that for his birthday. Wow. And you're re-gifting it here and I'm re-gifting it. You've had that for years, man.

It's not going to survive the rentals. I can see the dust. Yeah. Yeah, they clearly had it out though. It's dusty. Yeah, it's been in his hallway. It's been in my hallway. I don't really dust it.

Wow. And you've had this on display. Yeah, it has been on display. It doesn't fit. He's doing renovations. I shall have it on display too. All right. You can put in the studio.

Don't be ungrateful. Next up. Carwin, to the present table. I want the big one. Okay. So far I think my gift has been the best. This is perfect. Okay, this is...

I want to go to launch and I want to have to choose. It's perfect that Carmen chose this. I had drunk two balls of wine last night. What is it? It's books. Okay, that could not be more perfect. It's all these books that I don't really want to read. That's crazy.

One's about acting. I don't know if that's like a dig. One is the one about a Coven of Witches. Yeah, yeah, you cover of witches. I have this one and I is also in a donation pile at my house. Oh, okay, we'll add that back in. I do want to reiterate. I did stumble into my garage after a couple of pots of wine.

Okay, well Shannon, what's, Shannon's last? No, Vaughn? Oh, you see Shannon is last. Vaughn you're next. That's one. Oh, yeah, Shannon can't have. Oh, yeah, you can't have hers. Reused gifts.

It's mince, isn't it? No. No, it's a chicken breast. Oh, that's wonderful. It's been in the fridge the whole show, I promise. I wondered why there was one gift short on the table. So the mince was $18 and I knew you wouldn't eat it. But it's from my dairy and I just thought...

The dairy trucker is it. It says Express supermarket. I don't know if one's going to eat that. Put on the barbecue tonight. We barbecue the hell out of it. Okay, last up, Shannon, you picked the last gift. Shannon, your last. Reuse Christmas presents for Secret Santa.

What have you got there? I'm feeling a T-shirt. It is a T-shirt. Oh. There is Robbie Williams A Robbie Williams t-shirt Hawke's Bay, it was from the mission I wonder who that could possibly have

I wonder who could have Who got that? You gave them away, that's crazy Yeah, look, it may or may not fit You just be grateful for your green sheep Please, George and don't have your eyes on a t-shirt Thank you You can't say it was, Shannon, because the green sheep

We'll take up three quarters of her apartment Yeah, yeah, she could have. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. The ZN Podcast Network. Yeah, and then, oh, I just love you. I love being with you and hanging out all the time. Whoopsy-dupsy, slipped in and now we have a nice time.

Yeah, big night out, there's a hook up, and then it's like, oh, okay, maybe. So we could just do this. Here we go. We could just, like, be friends of benefits. 60% of people said no. That means 40% of people said yes. Well, sees. Okay, so 60% not starting out as friends, 40% starting out as friends.

Here are some, here's some feedback. Test says hot and heavy from the start but also friends but not just friends Right Sounds confusing sounds like a chat Yeah Sounds like someone's going to Like what is this, Scott

What is this? What are we? What are we? I don't want to put a label on it But what are we? I met each other for the first time On the day of moving into a flat With a couple of mutual friends

Plus us Okay Had never met or heard of him Before that day became best buddies over time Nearly four years later We're moving overseas together And have the most beautiful life together He also wrote a book for me for my birthday

I'm sorry what He wrote a book for you For your birthday Literally no one has ever written a book for me And this is unfair Would you find that cringe or No What it's about you

You'd love it Oh no I'm sorry that's a bit cring Is that cringy? No I love that Maybe Shalance is back Nong Shalance is done I'm too cool Shalance

Alan said starting out his work colleagues Screwed the crew Now I've been We've been together 21 years Married for 10 and have three awesome kids. Yep. Shannon did leave out some responses that were too rude for radio.

Yeah, they said, no, we weren't friends. We went straight to. Yeah, that... Beep. Straight to... Lana. Only on your birthday. Stuff, yeah.

I'm going on your birthday. Megan said he literally told me he didn't need any more friends. Oh, wow. Oh, right. So that's the... I'm not here for friends. Yeah, I'm not here for friends. I got enough friends.

I want you. Asia, we mentioned. met online and weren't shopping for friends. At one point we did decide to just be friends, but here we are eight years later married with two kids in a crippling mortgage. Yeah, beautiful. That's true, love. That is, yeah.

Marie, we went to school together from Intermediate and the same group of friends, ended up with the same first jobs at Food Town. Yes, we're that old Food Town. Oh, wow. He went on an O.E, and we both had other relationships. He came home, and we ended up flat in together. Now we're married with two kids. Oh, love.

Love is cute, isn't it? Natalie, most definitely, a casual hookup. Um, that's not friends though, is it? That's a casual hookup. No. But then I guess you could be friends. Friends with benefits. And then you decide, okay, this is that.

Yeah, I'm married with kids. Yeah. Work colleagues, he interviewed me. Oh. Then we were friends through work, work friends. Then lovers. Oh. Luffers.

Met on Tinder. Very spicy text for four days and then met for a date, took him home and still together. See, that's not, no, that's not friends. That's not friends. That's classic. That's a straight dating app hookup. I mean, lovely. It's lovely.

We're happy for your love. Yeah. Sorry, jury, disregard that. Disregard that. Just regard that from the record. From the record. Not much time to build a friendship between him walking into my birthday party,

never having met him before me, deciding he was going to be my birthday present. I'm sorry. Jury's also striking from the record. We're not listening to the instructions. Just someone's showing off. Yeah. Aren't they?

Yeah, they are. Oh, I'm in love. I'm in love. They're showing up. They both actually felt like they were showing off with love and first sight. Yeah, and please message him when we do a love at first Sight.

Yes. Silly little bit more. Which is not what we're doing right now. Please don't brag and rub your love and first sight and the rest of our faces. God. So for Silly Little Pohl today, we said, did you and your partner start out as friends? 60% of you said no. Oh, I'm busting for a wheeze after that podcast.

I'll tell you. What? It's a podcast. You are allowed to listen to a while you're weeks. There's no rules on when and where you're allowed to listen to a podcast. It just says here I'm busting for a wheeze. I read it. Okay, I read it.

Give us a review. Play ZIMs Fletchhorn and Haley.