ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - December 9th 2025

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

On today's episode of the Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Big Pod,  Weekly photo dump idea Petzempic Is your Christmas tree tacky? Top 6 - Ways the teens can socialise now Hayley's local shops  SLP - Do you get a Christmas bonus? Warning before leaving your card at a bar What do you refuse to learn? 2026 baby name predictions Hayley's rubbish flowers Dai Henwood Interview Fact of the day What went down at the Christmas party? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM Podcast Network This is... The Flashwoman Haley's Big Pod Thanks to animates, making happy happen for pets. As we crawl closer, just got to get through to Christmas. I know, do you know what, though? I've had a real 180 on my mood.

Right. Dropped a little. It's almost like when you don't get enough sleep and your mood changes and then you get sleep. Sleep last night. Yeah, and then you've got a lot of sleep last night and now you're happier.

It's so weird out of it happens. Yeah, there's no science to back then. You're full of shit. Also, yesterday I had my first fall asleep in a beanbag in the sun's sleep of summer. And my first barbecue of summer. Oh, yeah, good. It was just like, just really brightened me up. Yes, some great weather around the country.

Coming up on the show, the top six born Australian teens are real upset. They're real upset. That got it. That got it. Absolutely got it. Their social media band's going to come in. Yeah. And so it's already in, right?

Is it? Was it immediate? What was the date of it? I thought it was ticking over like a... That's why we're talking about it. New Year, New Me. And they were shitting themselves that it was coming. It's already happened, has it?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, they're not happy about it. And they're saying, one particular 14-year-old blogger is saying that you are constantly me a human right of socialising. December 10.

So tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow, tomorrow is when it happens. I knew it was looming. There'll be tears. So they'll be blocked from TikTok, Alphabet and, Meta.

What's Alphabet? Google. So meta being like Facebook, Instagram. YouTube? All of them. Mama! What are we supposed to do?

So alphabet is YouTube. That's kind of everything. Surely not actual Google. Wait so they're not even allowed to watch YouTube. But surely you can. I mean, kids are on YouTube. But maybe it's not have their own account. Maybe they have to have like a parent.

Maybe it's parents account. And then they've got the blocks on them. Family account. Okay, well, I mean, look, they're beside themselves. I, as somebody that spent a large part of my youth without free access to the internet. I can tell you, there's a lot of ways to socialise out there. Also, gather around as granddad tells you the days before the internet. Also, coming up, I've found a calculator that's been invented by a university

that works out if your Christmas tree's a bit much. And I'm not looking at anyone in the room. But, Haley, I will need some measurements of your Christmas tree. Yeah, you asked me to go around my Christmas tree and count them all up yesterday, which I did. And now I feel like it was purely so you could call me out on ear. Well, yes, it was. And we'll input it into the computer and we'll work out the correct measurements. The correct level of tackiness for Christmas.

Yes, exactly. My fear is mine's not garish enough. Well, next on the show. Here's a way. I think our group of friends, even the three of us or the wider group of friends, could do to keep updated with how our weeks have been. cute little friendship idea next. The Fletchborn and Haley, big pod.

I think this is a great idea. You would. What? What is that insinuate, Vaughan? You're a trend follower. Yeah. Man. I am actually.

But we don't need this because we see each other too much as friends, as genuine friends. Well, to utilize this little friendship trick that someone has shared online. Okay. But I think this could be good. for the likes of the gaggle. Okay, our wider group chat. Our wider group chat. Or, you know, your bestie group that all live sort of far apart,

like your lads chat, Vaughn. Yeah, yeah, all spread out. Yeah, so, well, it depends what they got up to on the weekend. Now, on Sunday at 12pm every week, you do a little drop of five photos from your week. And you just go, boom, here's my five, boom, here's my five, here's my five. Okay. And it kind of gives you a little, you know how people do this on Instagram,

like little photo dumps. I'm not into it. I prefer a curated feed. It will become like Instagram. No one's going to put up. Here's my way. Oh, here's me crying. Just alone.

Here's my progress pick for the gym. No progress this week. Yeah, no progress. Actually gone backwards. Yeah. Here's just me sitting at work, bored out of my brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a screen shot of a bank account.

Yeah. When I was transferring some money. I'm just looking at mine now. Here's a shot of a river. That's not very interesting. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, tell me about this river. Does that good skimming?

Is it? Stimbing? It was pretty brown. Did you hear about side note? Did you hear there's going to be a stone skipping championship at like how old we are this summer? Jericho. That is fantastic news. That's a fantastic news.

If you've got a ripper of an arm on you. Because a lot of technique involved in the stone skipping. Yeah, there is. There really is. But for example, like I was in Wanika over the weekend. And I could just send a little photo of a little thing. I was doing that. And then one of me doing something and a little it.

The thing is, though, our group chat and our gaggle group chat, those would probably be the group chats I'm most active in and participate in. Thank you, I'm honoured to be part of both of those. Those, when things happen, people just put a photo in straight away. Like, it doesn't need everyone on a Sunday to dump photos because if anything interesting happens, we know about it. Yeah, I know, but I would argue that our group chats are very active.

I think this would be good for you, like, your school friends, or, you know, you like your bestie gals? And do you know what the worst part is? It's just going to be kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids. Do you want to be in your school friends group chat when they have Victoria's Secret Models? Like here's what I got up to this week. Do you want to feel good about that every Sunday?

Yeah, yeah. Like we went partying with this rock star. And I'm like, oh my God, same, I got a white stain out of an old shirt that I've been really wanting to get that. What was the stain and what was your technique? It was a cooking. It was a paprika based stain that's been there for a while. I know.

I'm a huge fan of Stain. Both the things you've used as boring examples of really tickle my fancy. I still want to see this river. Yeah. And I love stain removal before and after. I'll put that in our chat, but probably not the chat with the Victoria's Secret model

because she's so colour and see things. Do you think she could get a stain out of a white shirt? Yeah, real. I don't think she's washed a shirt since she left high school. I think she's chuck it. She just chucked and get another one sent to her

from some high-end fashion label. She's, fresh Balenciaga tea in the post, I'm saying. When's the last time you even spoke to her? No, yes. We weren't like close friends. Would she be like, oh, hey, I remember you. She would remember me, but we weren't like buddy, but I wouldn't like message her.

Bold to assume you'd be remembered. I'm pretty unforgettable. No, she probably only remembered me because we had a trauma bomb when we got in a car crash together. Oh, really? Yeah, she was a driver. Is that where what happened to your face happened?

Yeah. You were both on the way to a model. Yeah, yeah, you were both on the way to a modeling gigas. Yeah, yeah. We were equally as attractive as energy. And they were like, there's only two doctors on to fix. Like, one's really good and one's not good. Yeah.

Yeah, it's the scissors rock. What a funny riff. We're all laughing It's so fun to start The day laughing We just laugh We do We laugh

Because otherwise we cry Play Z-Ns Flash morning Haley If you've got a fat cat Or a fat dog Or a fat budgie I don't know if this will work I don't know if budgies get fat

I don't know if budgies get fat I've never actually seen a fat budge Can birds get fat? Oh the kid of those fat Yeah, it's a fat. Pigeons, is your fat pigeons? That's just big boned. Birds can get fat, especially on seed-heavy diets with little exercise.

So I always remember walk your budgie. That's a kiddie-doo. Fatty liver disease. Well, great news because they have made a weight loss jab for pets. No, come on. Oh, what, Pissimpic? Pets Zempik, yes. Miaoon Jaro.

Yes, that's good. Should have done this as a top six. Oh, yeah. It was really lending itself. Really asking for it. Well, yeah, no, so it has, it's being developed. I mean, I guess it's the same stuff we're using, but smaller, way smaller doses.

Oh, so they're not as hungry. Animals famously love getting jabs too. Yeah, they love it. Pinch the back of the neck. Yeah, the dogs don't really mind. Yeah. Because they don't really feel it. But then, I don't know if you guys are seeing much of the Osbournes.

Oh, my God. I just showed you guys that video before. It is disgusting. It is like us. Like someone to, He needs to take their jab pens away from them because they are skeletal. I know.

It's horrific. It's horrific to look at. But could you imagine a little bobblehead cat, like my cat, if he got skinny? He'd have so much loose skin. I'd have to have a nip-toe. He'd have to have a little full wraparound nip-tuck. Take him to turkey on the plane with us when we go for your boobs.

Oh, yeah. I'd happily take your cat. Wait, what was happening first? Boobes first. Boobes face. Boobes at 40, face at 50. Right. I wouldn't even, I won't even, I'll let you know.

I'm not going to be hiding this. But yeah, so apparently it's, it's going to become, yeah, GLP1 drugs for pets. It's happening, so. I suppose if you're a pet, because you see, you know, when you see those real fat pets and they've got to do that water therapy. Oh, yeah.

Because that too heavy on, it's too heavy on their joints. Yeah. Like, I suppose if it's so bad that they're uncomfortable and you want to take away a little bit of their hunger so they're not so stressed about food, I kind of get it. But we can't be having, this is going to take over Hollywood. All the fat dogs

Yeah, all the fat dogs in Hollywood Or even the actor dogs Like the famous dogs and monkeys and all that That are on screen They're gonna start looking like Monkeys, you say Kelly Osbourne Fat monkeys

Fat monkeys are gonna be like Oh my God, have you seen Cindy? She's lost so much weight What's she doing? Well, she's got the, she's on the jabs She's saying no to bananas left her in sight I had half a banana this morning I'm good for the day

What do you mean, man? I've got to have 10 and you're going to start getting too skinny looking like bloody monkey osborne Monkey Oz. Play ZN's Fleshhorn and Haley Well Christmas is from a day's away

Because you know I'm not good at maths So can someone else do that? Well it's a week tomorrow, two weeks tomorrow Oh my God, so close No two weeks one day tomorrow I'd just say two weeks and two days time 16 days Why don't you just say 16 days?

I mean however you paint it It's really snuck up on us Yeah, look, it's one payday till Christmas. Just let that sink in. So some mathematicians from Sheffield University in the Ook. Mr. Sheffield. Yeah, named after. Mr. Sheffield.

For some reason, I guess they're trying to make their... Maxwell. Maxwell Sheffield. Maxwell Sheffield was his name. From the nanny. For some reason, I think there's mathematics university students are trying to make university fun. Yeah. Because, God, I can't imagine a math degree or anything.

thing in mass being fun. Oh, well, that's not the attitude. No. That pissball attitude. They have come up... Someone hampered your schooling. They have come up with an interactive tool to work out if your Christmas tree is gaudy. Yeah.

Or is too much. Yeah. So they have come up with an interactive tool. You put in the height of your Christmas tree, the number of ball balls, the height of the star or the fairy, the length of tinsel, and length of lights. And then it will give you the ideal amount based on their mass. mathematical analysis of a beautiful, perfect-looking Christmas tree. So you mentioned this yesterday and told me to go and get this information from my tree,

which, by the way, I put up on Instagram, and I'll say a lot of feedback is it can take more. It can take more. Are you kidding? Because it looked good to me. It looked laden. It looked laden. I think I'm missing some things. Okay.

Okay, well, I need the height in centimeters. 240 centimeters. I've got a biggie. My is 40 centimeters. Nice. 300. Okay, so now give me the rest of the thing. And it's already spat out the correct amount of baubles. How many baubles? Well, okay, here's the thing. Okay. I don't really want to include the mini-bubles. They're filler.

No, they're baubles. Because I've got, okay, I wrote this down. The variety, but they're still bobbles. 12 birds, 12 flowers, eight soldiers, six tin hearts, six crystal baubles, 12 striped bobbles, six berry twigs and 18 mini-bobles. Do we count the birds? Is that technically a bowl? Yeah, that's a bobble. Okay, well, how's what's the total number? Why are we including the mini ones?

Because they're like this big. They're like a 10 cent piece. They're just little filler. We are including them. That's all up. It's a perfect 80. If we don't include the mini-borbles. Well.

I'm really trying to help you here, Haley. 62. Okay, the perfect number of bobbles for a 2 meter 4 tree, 2.4 meter tree, 49. No, listen. The mini-borbles, we're not included. I think you're going too much. That's fluff. That's fluff.

And also, the six berry twigs, surely that's just fluff. You go in too much. We could take that off. Okay, now the height of you, you've got a star? I've got a star burst thing. It's 37 centimeters.

Again, 24 centimeters. No, that's got a pathetic. I've got a fat tree. It should be 10% of the tree height. And these are mathematicians that have worked out exact. I think they don't know shit. Okay, the length of tinsel.

No, tinsill. I don't have any tinsill either. Yeah, see, I think that I get more bubble allowance. I think we could include the mini bobbles and the berry twigs as my tinsle allowance. Because tinsel, sometimes it looks really good and sometimes it just looks real bad, eh? I want beads. Gold beads. I've got some beads.

Yeah, I want a garment of beads. It's not a Mardi Gras, is it? Yeah, I want Mardi Gras beads. The perfect length of tinsel for your tree would be 1,225 centimetres. Okay. Now, the length of your lights. So, 10-something metres, 10, 12 metres. Do you buy lights in New Zealand?

By the metre? By the metre, you do? Yeah. Okay, so how many metres of lights do you have? 30 metres. Which is three, how many centimetres? 300, 300, 3,000 mills. Wait, 100, you're 30 metres of lights.

3,000 centimetres. Okay, well, the perfect length of lights, 754 centimetres. No, that's not enough lights. That's not enough lights. That's not enough lights. It really sounds like you've got like four times the scientific. I don't think it's aware. I think I need to upload a photo because it's not aware that I've got a fatty base.

It gets wide. She's very wide. That's how trees work. They've worked all of this out. No, I think they're imagining a fast slimmer tree. And I refuse to include my mini-bubles. Okay, well, you need roughly 6.2 bubbles for every 30 centimetres, one foot of tree. Thank you.

I text in that Christmas tree calculation. Thank you, 314. That Christmas tree calculation is not taken to account diameter and thickness of tree. A very thick tree. Some trees are tall but piss-ass-thin twiggy things. It's Mr. Crucial component here. I totally agree.

I've got a thick base. Right. Well, they, so as part of this news story, they talk to a guy that decorates the enormous Christmas tree at the five-star hotel in London, clareges, famous. And he said the amount of decorators,

you use depends on the type of borables you plan on using? You see, I've got birds and flowers. So he says we allow 75 to 90 borables for a six foot tree, assuming they're all about 8 centimetres in diameter and all textured or patterned in some way. I'm sitting under that

and I think I could actually afford more. Wow, okay, so after all of this, you think you need more balls? Hang on. Did you see I made a Christmas wreath out of fake flowers for my front door and I hung it up yesterday. I think it's gorgeous. That's beautiful. And that's really nice.

What are the big white things? Fake pianies. Oh. And then I've got some sort of Christmas sort of berries. Although that one on the top, right, that peony is out of... It's out of line. It's out of line. I know.

And I cable tied them to keep them in, so I've got to yank that one down. Give that a cut, I reckon. But a red velvet bow. Nothing like a couple of cable ties just to make it look really. Really bring in the festive spirit. The Zat Ann Podcast Network. Play ZDN's Fletch warn and Haley

From your local community Facebook page This is the Top Six Hi there Today's Top Six The Top Six The Top Six Waste To Socialise Without Social Media

Yeah Australia's teenage Social Media Band Comes into place tomorrow On the 10th On the 10th And these kids are shitting themselves Teenagers are losing

A Vital Communication Tool And you're celebrating You're taking away the way that we communicate with our friends, the way that we feel connected to the world, you're taking away our creative outlet, something that makes us happy, and here you are celebrating it.

Go to your room, Claire. I've had enough of you writing emotionally manipulative blogs, all right? Go to your room. No wonder we've got a hiding as teenagers when you hear that. But I mean, this would have 100% been me. Like, you try to take anything away from me as a teenager

and I would have... And then you've found a cause. Yeah, and I was going... with words so I would have written a speech and I was good at speaking so I would have said it real good. I mean look I sort of get it but I also think that social media is horrendous for teenagers so

I'm like it's in your best interest yeah but I mean if that's what you've grown up with and you've always had it yeah then yeah and also Australian teens already flouting with just basically changing their age on Instagram and using other apps

that don't check ID or just using VPN. And was it a VPN all going to do the trick? Maybe, yeah. Well, I know the top six ways to socialise without social media. I grew up in a different time. You did. Number six, build a tire swing. And the people will come.

We will gather. We'll gather and be like, gives a go, bro. How high can you go? How high can you go? Who built this? Whose dad gave us this rope? And you notice the rope is not thick enough and it's like rubbing on the bark. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Swinging. You need a sort of a metal loop around where it's on the thing. So it slides on the middle, not the bark. It'll chew its way through the thing. That also weakens your rope. Yeah. How is it attached to the tire?

It's a danger we had as kids. Yeah. But didn't we bond and make friends? Oh, we did. Yeah, especially when we hit the ground. And, boy, we encouraged the chubby kid to go on the tire swing. Full well-known. It could be the end of the tire swing.

But, boy, we'd have a laugh. Good times. Number five on the list of the top six ways to socialize without social media. Join a youth group. Oh my God, I went to youth group. Did you? Religious youth group? It was Christian, but they didn't do anything Christian, but it was run by.

Did you, I imagine you were the kind of person that joined because there was a hot boy there? Yeah. Okay. Once he threw a basketball in my face and I was like, huh, desperate. What, do you love me or something? What he, it was an accident or he specifically, like, lied you up and throwing it in your face. He fwhacked it in my face. What the, who is this guy?

Is he like trying to flirt with you or something? David. Classic David. Classic move from a David. Classic move from a David. Number four on the list that the top six ways are socialized without social media

Start playing a game of four square Mean The people will gather The people will gather There'll be a cue For who gets to be the first square Joker? Yeah

Prince, queen, king Yeah There wasn't a princess in the game of four square I didn't play that It was just numbers Well it didn't have a night No you got to king And you were king

I know I remember king I don't remember the other ones The queen was the second one And then the king I think it was the prince I think it was the Joker the four squares and you moved your way up.

You rural kids made up some crap. Keeps up busy, yeah. Either that'll go home and look at cows. Yeah, I know. That could be number three on the list, but it's not. Number three in the list is something I did at the weekend that was so much fun. Go tadpolling.

Oh my God, we used to, we did cockabullies. You did cockerbillies. You should see these tadpoles we call, man. They were huge fatties. What did you catch them in? Because ours was one of those big just juice containers. Oh, so we, um, old dad's pool cleaning net that he

uses to clean his pool with. And when we came back, he's like, oh, it's full of duckweed seeds. We're going to rinse that. He was there, by the way, my dad's just turned into a big kid. He was really excited about the tadpolling. Ryan, it was funny because if you'd messed up his net as a kid, you would have got

a hiding. And now he's all into it. Such a smack, because his grandkids are there and he'll do anything for them. We've got to have a smack for taking that down to a dirty pond. Yeah. I was just looking at what a cockabully is. It's just a little fresh Water fish thing. Okay, good work.

They used to kill themselves because they hated living in a just-use container. So if you left the lid off, they'd just jump out and be like, screw this, I'm out. Sacrificial. I get it, man. But they must have a jump on them if they can get out of a just-juice container. You think of a water low in the water level? No, I hate to get the water nice and high. Number two on the list of the top six ways to socialise without social media.

Build a very dangerous, very rickety heart. Now, it can be on the ground or it can be up in a tree. But if you build a heart, kids are going to want to hang out in the heart. Perfect. Build their own heart. You can have a community of heart. No building consent from the council needed. No way. No resource management act.

Yeah. No, not one at all. And number one on the list of the top six ways to socialise without social media, as the band comes in in Australia tomorrow, start a rock and roll band. Have you noticed the sharp decline in rock and roll bands that social media came out? Yeah, that'd be why. Everyone used to be in a rock and roll band. Yeah.

And now there's no kids just picking up some instruments and trying to be in a rock and roll band. Rock and roll. That's the day's top six. Play. Playes. That ends. You may remember a couple of years ago We talked about Hitton, my favourite dairy guy

Yes Yeah, the local dairy down the roof of my shop There's two derries And Hitton's dairy was my dairy of choice Hitton's gone And as is the dairy RAPE And good ice cream

He had a career change And then the shop was just shut up And so for a while My tiny village has been operating with one dairy One dairy and how many vape shots? Two. Thoughts on. Has somebody worked out the per capita vape store?

We've got to have more vapes than anywhere in the world. New Zealand, isn't it? Because I remember, do we know a friend that was visiting? He's like, why do you guys have so many vape stores? We love the juice, baby. I was like, we love the juice, man. It's becoming a running gag with a friend when you see a nice restaurant, and you're like, that's a nice restaurant.

Thank God there's a vape store on the block. I know. Because they are literally everyone. Well, we've got our specific vape shop, and then we had three outlets that you could buy vapes from. So it was technically four. Anyway, so Hitton's dairy is gone. There are 1,120 registered

specialist vape retailers. In New Zealand, there are at least No, it's more than that. A higher combined total of 5,760 general vape retailers and 1,361 specialist stores. No, there's got to be more. So that's...

There's 5,000 in Auckland alone, surely. It's wild, eh? Yeah, totally. Well, so the dairy was empty for ages, brought it up, you know, all emptied out. Everyone's been sort of like, what's going to go in there? What's going to go in there? What's going to go in there?

Do you get real excited when you see, like, they paper up the windows, and then you're like, oh, what's going to be there? That happened. It got papered up, and it was action. There was action. I was like, what's it going to be? Then I got very busy, and it wasn't home alone. It's coming home in the dark, and I sort of forgot about it.

And my mum, who now lives with me, if you've forgotten, my mum came and was like, have you seen what's popped up in the old dairy? And I said, no, she's like, take a little walk. I went there yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a second-hand store. Wow. For the Riverhead Bazaar and it's open.

Oh, I love that. It is full of vintage trinkets, homewares, all goods. The kind of crap that I like to spend my money on. Yes. Literally like a four-minute walk from my front door. Oh, that's trouble. You're screwed. in trouble. I'm going to lose all my money. I'm going to lose

all of the space in my house. My house is going to end up looking like the Riverhead Bazaar. Yeah. How many, how are all of these second-hand stores finding enough stuff? Because people like Haley spend ridiculous amounts of money on an old fair taxi tourne. What I'm saying is where are they getting, how many deceased estates

are happening? There's so many second-hand stores and they're all full of stuff. I reckon they go to garage sales. Yeah, it looks like good stuff. I haven't walked in yet because I'm trying to enter a personal recession but this will not be helping. The ZN Podcast Network Play ZN's Flesh Foran and Haley.

Sillie Little Poe, silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly, silly that a silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pooh, silly little pole. Silly little pole today as we head into the financial crunch of the festive season. Do you get a Christmas bonus? Nice. Nice stuff.

We used to get a Christmas ham. We got a Christmas ham once. No more hands. There's no ham money line, right? No, there's no. No, we're in the whole country's and a downer. There's no Christmas hams welly-nilly.

I would have loved a ham. Yeah? Yeah, I'd be down for a ham. I'll get down with a ham. Gosh. Do you get a Christmas bonus? 89% of respondents said no. 11% said yes.

Should we dip a toe on some? responses. Yes, please. Nubes, who often replies to silly little pollen, and every time these people will answer this little poem give you, but you're paying a picture of these people. Yeah, you do, yeah. Nubes, for example, I just learned, drives trucks. Oh, okay. Specifically parcels, so Christmas is crazy busy. Yeah. We get a Christmas bonus of two pounds more an hour for four weeks before Christmas, which works out to be 125 pounds extra a week. Right, so like, 250 New Zealand a week extra. That's good. A little fun months. I tell you what, like, shout out to the truckies and the couriers and all the logistics people making everything happen.

Yeah. Yeah, we appreciate it. You know, it's crazy this time. My mate, who's a truck, he said he's barely had time to pull over and play with himself on the side of the road. Oh, that's not on. That's not on. How's he expected to work eight hours without a, you know, a half-time play with yourself, break? Claire said, bah, we can't even get safe working conditions in health care, and you're talking about bonuses?

Yeah. I'm sorry, Claire. Wild. Thank you for our healthcare workers. We love you guys. Guy said I was told my bonus this year was getting to keep my job. Wow. That is so rude.

Yeah, that's not great. That's not great. That sounds like some real boomer management speaker. Does, doesn't I? But just to reiterate, I also would like to keep my job for Christmas. Just want to let that be heard. Rianan said, no bonus, and I'm working right through. I'm a healthcare assistant.

I'm working Christmas Day, but I get Boxing Day off. So Boxing Day will be my Christmas Day. Celebrate boxing, yeah. Heather said, I'm a teacher, what's a bonus? Although, copious amounts of chocolate gifted from students at the end of the year feels like a bonus and a curse. Well, as you know, Patsy used to make up my teacher's Russian fudge. Is Patsy's still making Russian fudge? Yeah, she's making Russian fudge.

I can't wait. Oh, that's too. Patsy's. All wrapped up in cellophane little ribbon, curls. Oh, that's nice. She runs a pair of scissors up the ribbon, get a curl on it. Yeah, okay. Nathan said, got a $75 pack and so Val.

should get a Christmas ham. Yeah, that's good. Get a ham on. Cassidy, a $500 Christmas bonus every year. One year I got $2,000. Imagine that before. That's like, oh, that's so good. Alana said, no, we don't.

In this year, we don't even get a Christmas party or a lunch. The business is struggling. Yeah, and we're going to talk about that later in the show about the Christmas party, the downfall of the work Christmas party. They're being slashed left and center. My boss is a piece of shit. Okay. Nothing for Christmas.

By the way, I'm self-employed. So that's just a little bit of self-natured there. I'm going to finish up on Anonymous who gets a $15,000 Christmas bonus. What? But the last three months of the year have all been 60-hour weeks. Yeah, right. So that's just kind of going to equal out. He probably actually not getting a bonus, are you?

Yeah. I remember when I first moved to Auckland years ago and a friend's wife worked in finance or mortgages when it was all like go and got a $40,000 Christmas bonus. And that was like... Jesus. That's like something of celery.

That's like my salary. That's crazy. I was like, what? 40 grand. Some messages. We used to get a Christmas lunch on Christmas Day at the hospital and this year management have cancelled it.

That's just the text that's just coming. You know who? You know who I reckon is to blame David Seymour. He's a slight... He's a slot. I reckon he'd cancel Christmas. Oh, if he could cancel Christmas. to make people work on cross people.

He would. He is, the ground. He is, yeah. I work at Bunnings. I get a $30 balance to spend there, and this year we're also getting a Bunnings-branded monopoly. Do you think they check your receipt if you work at Bunnings? On the way out.

On the way out? Yeah, I reckon even if you're in the uniform. Probably. Yeah. My ex, which was a business owner, used to give herself a $10,000 a bonus in Christmas. And then we separated and she BS all her earnings and pretended she earned F-4 for child support purposes, but I knew she was giving herself a... A 10 grand Christmas bonus.

Well, that's cheeky. I just think a little call to the IRD would be... I'd actually get on the blow out of the IRD as soon as well. I love it. They've probably got some targets. They've probably got some targets I've got to hit before the end of the year. Cool, 0,800 IRD, NARC. Yeah.

I'm in the mood for a Narking, eh? You're in a mood for a NARC? Yeah. Chuck a Nark on the old Barbie. I might chuck a Nark in. Yeah, good on. Pre-Christmas NARK. Yeah, man.

So, that, I wonder what the most expensive square is on the Bunnings Monopoly that that Bunnings person said they'll get it. Oh yeah, they've got a bunnings. Would it be a part of the store? I reckon it would be a part of the store. Don't you think? What do you reckon go to the equivalent of go to jailers? Go anywhere where they let the kids play because it's noisy.

Ew, the kids playground. So in 2007 it's Bunnings in Australia did a monopoly, but it was Bunning Stores. Oh, right. It wasn't sections of the store. It was Bunning Stores. Can we get confirmation there? We can come back. We can come back next and say what the dealers with.

that um with that bunnings one because today for silly little poll we said do you get a Christmas bonus and 89% of you said narrow the zm podcast network play zm's fleshforn and haley now a warning for something that i've done a bunch of times i know we've all done this and a lot of us do it at bars and restaurants and that's uh opening up a tab and you give them your credit card they leave it behind the bar or the restaurant when you go to balance up you take it and you hand your little number over and then it's all good And then it's all good. Well, this is kind of highlighted because a Kiwi Kampo were holidaying in Miami.

They went to a day club with a minimum spend. A lot of these places, like places like, we did one in Bali, and they say you can book a daybed and hang out here, but you've got to spend at least. $300 or something like that. That's like Bali prices. Yeah, yeah. But in Miami, the minimum spend was $3,000 US dollars.

I'm sorry, sir. I know. So that works. at about just over 5,000, but they were cool with that because obviously they were... Did you say these with New Zealanders? Yeah, so they get a day and I'm assuming there's a bunch of friends, so between

friends, I mean, that's so expensive but... They're doing it. They're like, okay, it's going to be $3,000. When they go to pay or when they leave, they find that the bar has actually charged them about the equivalent of

$13,000 New Zealand dollars. Seven and a half thousand U.S. dollars. Why? God, you better had a good night, you know? Well, so they disputed the charge, the credit card provider reversed it, but then the bar said, we've got the receipts, this is how much was spent. They were like, well, some of those aren't our signatures.

And so this is why it's in the news, because they went to the financial services complaints for a rolling. And basically, they said, well, tough, you broke your banks, the credit cards, terms and conditions, because you let someone else have your card. You handed it over. You handed over your card. And so, like, that's kind of the biggest thing from this whole story. What a loophole. We all do this.

But when your card is out of your position, like, you're not. You're still responsible for your card, even when you've handed it over. Exactly. So they reviewed the, I mean, maybe different credit cards are different, but I'm sure they're all the same. If your card's not with you. My card, yeah. Would have let $13,000 be charged on it. I know, well, that's the other thing, because I'm thinking after this, maybe we just have, like,

debit card or some kind of travel card with no... A presi card. Do you reckon they'd take a $50? We buy a presi card and we put the money we're willing to spend on the presi card and not a dollar more. I know that hotels don't let you check in sometimes a debit and prezy cards. No. So the FSCL found that by allowing staff to hold the couple's card behind the bar for hours, the couple had unintentionally breached the cards provided terms and conditions.

So basically it's they've walked away from the card and that's your responsibility where the card is. So if someone abuses it, then that's up to. But who did the other transactions Were other people coming in and being like tab 7? I think so. Or it was just a genuine mistake But everyone's gone now and the bar needs their money And maybe the table number was wrong.

I mean, also probably settle that up when you get your card back But you're probably toasted after a whole day spending $3,000 US dollars at a Miami day's drinking spot. Yeah, it would be so hard to argue when you were like You were trollied when you left. I know, but I wasn't that trollied. But like so I don't know like a bar's not going to to serve your table if they don't get a credit card, right?

Because they think you're going to dine and dash. Yeah, of course. Which makes sense? So what do you do? You just hand over, like, you get a travel card with no money on it and give that to them and then pay with your actual credit card? I think that's right. A $50 perzy card. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not willing to spend a dollar, it's out. It's out. Yeah. I'm assuming I'm a letter B.Y. I've got a couple of bottles of Jamison's in my bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always give them my card.

Even if we go thirds or whatever, like... I'll just use my card to hold it. It's fine. They're not going to do anything. Honestly, other friends do that now, I think. Do you ever think this when you go down to like a breakfast at a hotel and they're like room number? All the time. All the time. 273. Yeah.

You imagine just going in there the day before, cozing up to some people at the pool, having a bit of a chat. Oh, what room are you got? We're over here. And they're like, oh, we're in room 244. What do that room like to get their name in the next morning to tick them up breakfast? Sometimes the hotels have they're massive. They have the big printout of all the names. Yeah.

And if the server walks away, you're just like, looky, looky. Jeffries. Jeffries. Because they haven't been for breakfast yet and just bloody hope the Jeffries aren't coming down for breakfast yet. I was going to say

you've got to hope the Jeffries are still sleeping. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Fleth Born and Haley. I thought this was an odd pairing. You know how variety does those interviews,

actors on actors and they pair up different actors of the season and they chat acting. So the recent pairing of Adam Sandler and Ariana Grande was I was like, what an interesting chat for them.

Anyway, I watched some of it. It was a really good chat. But at one moment, Adam Sandler makes a 6-7 reference. Right. And Ariana Grande admits she doesn't know what that is. She's like, I don't know what that means. And everyone's like confused by it.

And she's like, I don't know. I'm just like scared of it and I can't be bothered learning it. And I'm not really into it. I feel like in this wicked era that she's in, She does play willfully ignorant some things though like the wide-eyed wonder of, I don't know

what you're talking about. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like some celebrities you can really tell they don't have an online presence and they don't go home and they stay off the phone.

Which you kind of would have to do if you have a dumb phone where you can call your friends but you don't go online and I feel like a lot of celebrities do that otherwise you would see the worst things about yourself and you'd hate life. She coming to saying,

I don't know what this means is reacting to him saying, something else. I'm scared. What is six, seven? And she's actually, I don't want to know. Please, enjoy, whatever. Yeah. I want to know, what is the thing that you don't want to know? That you just don't want to learn. You've just gone, you know what? I don't want a bar of that. It's like, when you meet someone and they're like, I don't want to drive. Like, I'm not scared. I just, I just, it's too late now. I can't, I don't want to learn.

My friend in this mid-40s is like, I don't see a need to learn to drive. Yeah. I don't want to. It's wild. Yeah. Do they live in a big city though? Mount Munganui. What? That is nuts. What are you? Lime scootering everywhere? That's bananas. It's flat. It just sort of gets around.

How are you getting to Toronto? How are you getting around? You need a car in like smaller towns. Yeah, I know. You need a car. But it's just sort of, it's not interested, a little bit scared of it. It's just kind of like, ah. Okay.

We asked on the gram. Okay, kick us off. We'll kick it off while we get some texts and some calls coming in. Shan says how cricket works. Yeah, I tried. My kind of loves watching it and encourages me to learn. I was recently a friend sat down and watched the first ever game of

cricket. And she's like, how does it work? I was like, well, they get six bowls each. She's like, that guy had more than six balls. I'm like, because one of the bowls was a wide. It's so hard to explain cricket from the ground up. I had to do that to a friend that was visiting recently and he's like, how does this work?

And when you were explaining it, you're like, you sound like a crazy person. You do. Who invented the rules? Yeah, because I'm like that with tennis scoring, I refuse to learn. I'm like, I don't know. No, it's not. But you understand cricket, but not tennis. Love.

Yep, 15, 30, 40, but then the other person gets 40, it's juice. And then you've got to get advantage and another point. Then you get a match. Yeah, I don't, like, I don't know. And I refuse to learn it because I'm like, it's stupid. Yeah, I don't. I mean, someone just message in, I think there'll be a lot of people, how to use the QR codes at restaurants.

Just like, ah, just can't be easier. Do you know what, though? Like, we just talked about leaving your credit card behind the bar on a tab. And why that's bad. But, like, QR codes, you don't have to do that at least. No, and you pay as you go. Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, I went 100,000.

We'd love to take your calls now. 9-6-96 text us. What do you just not want to learn? The things that you just don't want to learn? I don't want to know about that. I don't want to learn that. Ariana Grande doesn't know what 6-7 is. Nobody knows what 6-7 is.

We'd just go 6-7. Where is this? The number 6 or 7-6. I love this. But, yeah, it's got us on to talking about those things that you just don't want to know about. Some more responses on Instagram. How to Back a Trailer?

Oh, yeah. See, I want to learn. I've backed one once in a ginormous car park. Yeah. I would never be able to do it on my driver. Yeah, yeah, you need the room. My husband's coffee machine. She's Georgia, because then I guess she's going to be in charge of making them.

And that seems to be a very popular thing. Don't get good at what you don't want to have to do. Yes. What do you call that? Weaponized incompetence. Weaponized incompetence. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous.

what do you not want to learn? Morning guys, I don't want to learn tax returns. Anything to do with the I-O-D. Oh, they're the worst. You could be getting money back. My husband will do it for me. I refuse to. Are you just doing tax returns like a normal job P-A-Y-E,

or are you like a contractor or I have a business? Just a normal job. So it's probably easy. Honestly, I just don't care for it. It used to be like quite hard and you know that you had, like that printed out book and you had to but now online it like could not be easier. No she doesn't want to learn

this message brought you about the IRD by the IRD. I mean don't you want to know if you're going to get some money back? But your husband will do it. Yeah, I'll get it. Yeah, just he'll do it for you. I don't want to do the admin, yeah. I don't want to be IRD, just no thanks. No, no things, sure enough. It's not sexy stuff, is it's not sexy at all. It's the least sexy

thing. It really is. Not everything in life has to be sexy. Yes, it does and it can be. What do you say you want? He's the thing I'm learning at Cambay. How do you make the IRD and tax sexier? Sleep with the inspector. Wait until you're getting ordered and then sleep with them. I don't know where I put my way seats.

Didn't keep any. I didn't keep any sorry. Anonymous. Thank you. Some messages. Instagram responses. How to type properly. I'm a 36-year-old millennial and I peck type. One finger, one finger each hand.

How to play any board game that any of my friends are interested in because there's too many rules. If it's a simple game. Because there's nothing worse in being at a party And so I was like, you play a game And then they're like, and you do this And you do that And then you roll this and let a lap I just want to talk guys

Let's play snap Let's just yeah exactly I'll play snap or we can just talk McHila said how to swim I hate the water Oh no you know I love the water Sam said how to drive an automatic car If you drive a manual

If you drive an automatic This is what my nan used to say Oh I don't know Keep your automatics I don't know how they work It's like just couldn't be easier It couldn't be easier Especially for old people Yeah

Muffin, nothing, says my time staples. Counting on my fingers has got me this far and I ain't stopping now. Do you know, there's so many texts coming in about people saying this thing because my wife does it. This thing because my husband does it. Oh, wow. A lot of messages being like, why would I learn how to cook properly? My wife is such a good cook.

Again, it's weaponized. Because that attitude is going to see her walk out that door one day, Kim. Because that's weaponising competence as well. This is my mum's thing. I made a barbecue through yesterday. I was it all good. She was like, anything that anyone else has cooked is good. Yeah, because it just means that you don't have to cook.

One meal. But was it good? What did you cook? So good, man. What did you cook? I did marinated chicken thighs and I chucked some sausages in because dad likes a saucy. Yeah. Did corn on the cob.

Can't be beaten. Oh, absolutely good. I did some charred asparagus and some charred cap skins and onions. Smalley wheeze. Far out, yes. Nice work. You. Thank you.

I don't want to learn how to work my husband's right on mower. Two boys and a husband. I shouldn't be on that mower. Yeah, that's a good call. How to do makeup, 34. I never done my own. Somebody else said, I don't want to have to work. A few people say in the lawnmower.

A lot of people saying lmoan the lawns. Yeah. How to cook properly. Somebody else said how to use the pool pump and filter and do the pool things. My husband's tried to show me many times. My eyes glaze over. There's too many handles and switches. Someone said, I don't want to learn what my partner does for work. I don't know. Oh, wow.

It's like a mystery to you? Yeah. It's like that thing when people go, explain what your best friend does for a living. I have no idea. Yeah. Something. If they were a company. Yeah, I assume that company, base. I don't want to learn how to use the ordering

screen at McDonald's. Can I please talk to a human? I think it's very hard now to do that. Yeah, it is. But I love using the screens. I prefer the screen over the human. Because then you don't get that look of judgment when you're ordering a lot of Nuggies? Yeah, when you're like 20 and it's just you and you're like, shh. My wife

is obsessed with the summer I turned pretty and keeps saying you should watch it with me and I don't know who Conrad is, but sometimes I feel like he's the third person in our marriage and I wish he'd leave. Wow. The good news is that's just got a movie to go and then there'll be no new content I can't be bothered learning how to understand crypto. I don't either.

I don't understand. Someone tried to explain to me the other day. My friend Matt was like, this is what it is. And I was like, but it doesn't exist. Yeah, but it does because we said it does. And we put value on it. What do you mean? Money's the same.

We just decided to have an intrinsic value. Yeah, don't it. And this is just digital. I saw a Bitcoin ATM machine at the Pocono ice cream place at the weekend. Pocino. Stop a Pocono for an ice cream and turned around and there's a Bitcoin ATM. And the girls are just like, also. Can we get some bitcoins out?

I'm like, no, I don't know. We don't have any. Not what is it, $15,000 of Bitcoin or whatever it is, 10 or who knows. I don't want to learn how to change the gas bottles over. I ring my partner every month when he's at work to explain it at the 100th time. You just turn it off at the gas bottle. Yeah, but I kind of get that one because you don't want to be responsible for the gas leak that blows up your house.

Yeah, oh, your gas is dangerous. I don't want to learn how to satisfy my wife. I tried for a while. It was impossible. I've given up. Don't right, she'll find a way. That's funny. Yeah, she'll find a way, but don't worry about it.

It's probably good to satisfy a pro in the top drawer. You think she's unsatisfied? She's fine. She's doing just fine without you. A couple of boys in their late 20s knocking on the front door when Bart's at work. Absolutely. She's got a friendly little mate at work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. She's getting a bit chummy with some other. You're right just like ruining this guy's relationship. Oh, he's running himself. Yeah, he's not willing to put in the work. Do the Mahi, get the treats, Bart. Play ZM's, Flesh, Forne, and Haley. I like some of these, actually.

Unfortunately, I'll never have to name a Babi. Because I don't want one. So there's a place, I don't want one. I was just saying to the boys, I had a dream last night that I did have a baby. Yes. And I was in Italy, and I was like, whoa, got to get to a doctor.

And I couldn't find anyone I knew until I found the guy who makes, Matea, who makes the coffees in my parents' little village. And I was like, Matea, I'm pregnant. He was like, congratulations. I was like, nope. Wait, so we went to the barista for, like, medical advice. In the dream I was like walking around these shops, like looking and being like, there's the butcher, there's the thing.

And I was like, who do I tell? And it was the coffee guy. Right. And then you woke up, do you feel like that was your body telling you, like you might need a test? No, I literally finished my period a couple of days ago. Oh, right, okay. We're good. We good.

Congratulations. Congratulations. It feels like you're rolling the dice every month. Every month now. So NameBerry is the biggest baby name website in the world. We go for trends and what's hot and ideas and stuff. Did you go to a website when you were in charge of naming two babies? Nah.

Just kind of banded around some ideas. Bandied? Freestiled it. Bandied. I believe it's bandied. Bandied. Yeah. Well, this website's very helpful for people.

But it's overall theme for 2026, escapism. names inspired by fantasy worlds The Past and Imagined Futures So here's some themes Ancient Civilisation Names Linked to Heritage Warriors and History Examples Marcella Arath Cyril and Olympia

Wow Aztec I like that They're in your store today Taylor Swift Taylor Swift's showgirl influence Glamorous ultra-feminine names rising Ophelia of course

Honey Priscilla Vivian and Roxy Really? Wow. A lot of those sound like real old school. Yeah. Oh, so there's another trend that is, what do they call it, the 100 year rule is supposed to play out next year, which is that every 100 years names cycle back into fashion.

So names like Dotty, Eldon, where was it, Bruce, Monti, Dala, Ronald, Nancy, Wayne and Judith. Could you imagine a baby Ronald? 1950s-ish names. Or Judith, a baby Judith? Baby Judith, no. What about Rita? Because that was my name's name. She's kind of a...

Yeah, Rita would be nice. Is there a baby name now? Yeah. Romanticy inspired names. Imagine getting named after your mum's horny bog. Yeah. Centaur. Wopper.

No, Orion, Emeris. Lillivir. Lillivir. Lillivir. Leontel. That just... Straight up sounds like you've been named after some porn stuff. Yeah, for sure.

All of these sound pretty out of it. 11 is in there After strange things No, I mean people would have named their baby 11 A lot of people Travelling to Japan and also a lot of Japanese Anime staff On Netflix

Hiriyah, Jinnu and Rumi Okay, those are Rumi was one of the K-pop Duman Hunters There you go Yeah anime and Japanese pop culture They're saying so a bit of Korean stuff in there too And British Literature Revival Names like Darcy, Crusoe

Air Estella and Brian Cruso's a good name, eh. Crew's quite cool. Robinson Crusoe. Then you can be a nickname crew. Crew. Crews. Crewsbrow.

Ouse. Oosso. So. Every part of the name. Yeah. Don't leave any part out. Well, hopefully if you are pregnant and unlike in my dream, happy about it, those were some inspiring names.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Flashforn and Haley. We had a meeting after work yesterday. Hey, heaven forbid, we don't just get to leave. And before said meeting, Fletch and I decided just have a little one-on-one date. Just to see if the vibes were vibing. Turns out they're not. We're just going to stay friends.

That's, I mean, it's good to check. No, we had breakfast before we went to the gym. Okay, a day. And that sounds like a breakfast date today. Dates don't have to be nice. I mean, sure, if you want all the Reddit rumors to start up again, like, I mean, just go for it. We went out for a quick little brecky And as we were leaving the studio

My eye was drawn towards the three big bins We have outside our studio Is a recycling, there's an organics And there's a general trash And in the general... And I'll just say, do you reckon it actually goes in recycling in Because it just feels like... I don't know

I know it all the time, eh? That's the general Yeah, because didn't they work it out with the local rubbish bins? Didn't they look into that? A few years ago? Every now and there's someone who wanted to put a track or in something and put it in recycling that just ends up in the landfill. Yeah.

Also, we're only, in Auckland, it's only one to five. Those are the plastics. Those are the plastics. Because, you know, my parents have moved in with me. 4, 7. 3, 4, 6.7. Oh, why'd you do that? Because it's plastics.

We're putting our 6-7 plastics in the landfills. I know about the pizza boxes aren't meant to go in. But how much did they change this can? Wait, what? Because if it had food, greasy, greasyy, food on it, it meant that the paper couldn't be recycled, but I think they changed that. It's so confusing. I just put it all in the bin because we're going to, we're going to die soon anyway because of AI. Well, we're not encouraging that behaviour. One, two, five. Anyway, because I've been trying to

explain to my mum and every day she's washing them recycling with it. Which one's this? Oh, good on her for trying. I know. Oh my God, Patsy it all ends up in a landfill. I know. You should put an apple air tag in one of her washed out bottles one day and just see. I'm not getting rid of an apple air tag. They're expensive. You put your apple air tag in there. We'll do it on air and it's It's part of a journalistic expose. Claim that bad. Yeah. Maybe you'll get in the Herald.

Because they've already said we're going to do it now. So they'll be like, don't chuck their recycling in the landfill. Yeah, they'll know. No, we'll plant it somewhere. You don't remember what it was. It was those council installed bins and there was a rubbish bin and a recycling them beside it. And they were putting them in council bins and they were all landing up in the landfill.

Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. Well, I'm not even talking about the recycling bin. Oh, did you hear that? Oh my God, pause. A little bit of off-ear-on-air blending here. Every day, and the 8 o'clock hour, Fletch cuts up an apple for us to share as genuine friends.

It's one of the loveliest things we do each day. He hands me in my slasters before and said, don't eat it, we're going to be on air. Did you just hear that? Yeah. I know I crunched into my apple. But only because Haley can't finish the apple quickly and then talk on the radio.

Anyway, I'm talking about what was in the red bin, which was this like, beautiful kind of sort of what's the word like exotic bunch of flowers and I just pulled it out and I was that in the bin and I was like what the hell is this from because you'd gone home so they were like they looked like they had maybe a couple of days left in them they didn't look fresh fresh as but they had life in them and I think it's from our little foyer era sometimes gets hired out for events and I think an event had been on and someone has dumped these flowers or they were sent to a lover and There's been enough here.

A jilted lover. A apology flowers. And they always end up in the bin, eh? Straight in the bin, like that. So I just pulled them out and I wet some newspaper. I will say Fletch called me out because he was like, that's today's newspaper. You've always got to use the previous one.

And I just grabbed a fresh, I worked for the business that makes the NZ hero. That's crisp. Yeah, and I took it and I soaked that thing. And I wrapped it up. And then I got to walk around a bit like, oh, my man's bought me flowers. And then at the elevator, someone was like, lovely flowers. I said something like, thank you so much. I didn't correct them

I know well I'm a lovely gal Anyway I took them home Patsy my mum and I We did a little bit of bringing to life Look at that That was just going to go into the trash I put them in a lovely vase With some water

And you've got a few days out of those I've got a few days out of them And everyone walked around being like Who's the lover Lucky gal And all because you're a grubby bin diver And I've got bin flowers I dumps to dive these flowers

And they're still got life in them And they're beautiful I just think that looks lovely. That does look lovely. Are you allowed to dumpster dive? So in New Zealand, apparently, the problem with dumpster diving is you often have to enter private property to do it, and that's their legal part. Well, this dumpster was on my workplace. So, no, that's absolutely fine.

So you're fine to dumpster dive. And because do you remember that? What was it? Some of the clothing saws, people went through the bins out the back and they were cutting up clothing that they were throwing out rather than throw the whole thing in the bin? because then people couldn't dumpster die for it. Do you remember that? It was in the news. High-end luxury brands do that.

Yeah. They cut up, like there were puffer jackets somewhere and they were worried about people who were living rough getting their puffer jackets and wearing them. Oh, boo-boo. Something you were going to throw in the bin is going to keep someone warm at night.

What a terrible, what a terrible, better cut them up. We've had a few messages in, by the way. Someone said they do sort home recycling fletch. And a lot of it is sold to processing plants. The street ones, though, are usually too contaminated, so they're not bothering of that. But you're at home one.

Follow the rules. Yeah, yeah. One, two, and five were standardised across the entire country, and pizza boxes are fine. As long as they don't have food in it, just a little bit of oil's fine. And someone texts in calling me a trash panda. That's high praise. Wait, a trash bandit or a trash panda.

That's what they call raccoons. It's kind of cute. A trash panda. I'm a little trash panda. Can we rename Haley and our group chat to Trash Panda? Trash Panda. I'm happy. I'll take that. Okay, good.

Play ZM's Flesh Fawn and Haley. Dynwood's in and is. crisp burkenstocks? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I go a white birkenstock. Yeah, man. You know, but it demands a bit more cleaning. Yes.

You know, I got a little sponge. Oh, you've got a sponge? Yeah, a little sponge, a little cork cleaner, cork sealer, then work a little bit of beeswax in it. Funnily enough, I've been... Beeswax is featuring big in my life. I'm working a new skincare regime that's a mixture of beef tallow, beeswax and olive oil.

Oh, okay. He's a wet man. Yeah, yeah, I don't mix it up. Yeah. I'm like a little teagle chicken skewer, you know, perfectly rubbed in. I don't make it, it's drop ship from China, but I'm pretty sure those are the ingredients. Do you, what do you reckon of Vaughney's burke? Do you think that little, your stuff will work on it?

I don't think a sailor's going to fix those. No, they're beyond conditioning. Because your corks all falling apart at the back. Yeah, got a real cork issue. Yeah, it's time for new ones for you. Yeah, but they're like that vintage bottle of wine that you're trying open, you know, and the corks just crumbling apart. And it's falling in, so then you've got to pour it through us.

No, not something I ever struggle with with a $13 bottle of wine with a screw top. No. Now, Dysie, I didn't even know this. We've just been touring the whole bloody country together, and this information, do you not know that you're allowed to tell people stuff that you're not allowed to tell people? Well, I'm quite a gossip And usually I do tell people

And you guys were actually talking about hosting the gala And the best foods comedy gala The things that go along with it And yeah, I had sort of slightly forgotten And then Because it's awesome As I started doing the gala in 2001 And it's been a few years since I've been in it

Well, we were trying to work out If you have hosts, so by the way, the announcement is Dai Henwood is the host of the Best Foods Comedy Gala for 2026. The job that I did last year, and I hand down the reins. Hand down the reins. Have you not hosted before? No, no, because sort of the original set up was you go a big international host, then sort of the Kiwi acts.

Yes. And now they're bringing them, like, they've had lots of Kiwi hosts like yourself, Justin Smith. Yeah. And now they've got me along to do it, which I'm stoked about because... Hell yeah. I've sort of been doing shows but haven't been involved in the festival

so much so I'm stoked to get be a part of it next year. Full circle come back. I don't know if I have any advice for you other than sort of not as fun as you sort of think it would be. It's a lot of hard work. People ask you, you'll love it, mate.

Can you answer my wedding? Yeah, yeah, you're the star and you are, but like a lot of work because the other comedians flit off if they're four minutes and you're like, Mahi heart the whole night And everyone's in your ear telling you what to do

I reckon DJing a wedding is more stressful than emceeing a wedding I DJed a mate's wedding and I was next to the room where people chose

to go and do things that might not be acceptable in front of their grandparents and there was one particular person and she she walked

straight out of that room full of confidence no idea where she got it from but a Colombian confidence walked straight up to me and started pulling the faders up and down on my mixer and goes

you're not going to like me oh that person and the only person everyone's out you know you're sort of in a 90s hip-hop vibe where people of a lot of ages are getting into that and she just comes out

and stands screaming at me system of a down Was it Haley? That is actually how we met. This is actually bringing back some vague memories. So you host the gala, that's in Auckland, of course, and then the next day you go down to Wellington, which is always special because you're a wally boy as well.

Yeah, and it's that nice thing of Auckland's a televised gala where sort of all the pressures on. And that's where you're also, you're meeting, you might meet a few of the international comics you don't know, everyone's got that electricity. Then you go down to Wellington. And it's just... Loose.

A beautiful theatre. It's just a straight-up live show. So you don't have any of the pressures are trying to do TV admin and get on and off. The sweet words get cranked up. The content gets a bit juicier. Yeah, and everyone just leans into it and has a good time.

So it's next year, Auckland's 1st of May, Wellington's 2nd of May. It launches the entire... Duff shooting weekend. Oh, bugger. Oh, is it? Oh, no. You've got into this duck shooting die.

Oh, no. What are the little huts called? My eyes. The my-mys, hey. Yeah, yeah. Get out of your my-mai. As the shenanigans goes down at the my-mai. So the tickets for the gala are on sale this Thursday.

Great Christmas prez-gift, Comedy Festival to Cote, NZ. It's such a, because you get kind of a little sample of everything, like a taste thing. It ends up being like 16th, comedy tapath of four minutes. Oh, I love a tapath. Yeah, good little thing. Just before we go, how are you, Diasie in general? And everyone always wants to check in on our boy die. I'm pretty good.

I had a pretty rugged winter of some. random hospitalisations and bits and bulbs. But we've just done the seven days tour together. I've been sort of just feeling a great Nick, even though I've got scans and all those sort of things, which always change your treatment paths or whatever. But I've been just sort of smiling, and we're talking about how good the weather is.

It just puts me in a good mood. Yeah, man. Comedy, laughter, sunshine. What more could you want? About to take my little daughter on a daddy daughter road trip to Rotor. What are you going to do? Are you going to say? Oh, yeah, she's

Helping on the Zorb. Want to do her a walk through the Redwoods trees? Oh, yeah, we did that this year. Yeah, beautiful. At night? At night. Pretty mystical, eh? Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah, doing that, do a Destiny Church March with her and then pretty much being home. Sorry, what was that last? So the Zorb, the treetops and the... Oh, yeah, just a little Disney church march, then we'll just cruise that. I think you're focusing on the wrong ass with the weekend. Hayley, it's a beautiful daddy-daughter weekend

trying to rob people of basic human rights. And rolling out of hell in an inflatable balls. Beautiful memories. Well, you can get tickets at ComedyFestival.com.com. Dot, Hindwood. Thank you so much. Oh, I love chatting down.

Play ZM's Fleshhorn and Haley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. do do do do do do do do do Um, fact of the day all this week Looking at Christmas songs Unknowing little facts about Christmas songs I will again promise you That there will be no Whamageddon

Okay Because I just played that the other day And really upset some people Oh yeah yeah They don't want to be wiped out And I want to be wiped out Today I should have actually got you to pull this up Let it snow

I could pull up a let it snow Okay, you pull it up I can pull up a let it snow I can pull up a let it snow You let it snow Oh look Horn, I'm already here Dean Martin

Yeah but you've got an air Oh no Ditt Dut Did it snow The weather outside is frightening So really Immediately

With the weather outside it's frightful It's going You're imagining the snowing Yeah This song was written in July 1945 in Hollywood, California. No snow there. No, no, snow at all in Hollywood, let alone in July

1945 when it was in the middle of a brutal heat wave. Okay. Temperatures daily were averaging between 38 and 40 degrees Celsius. Like proper heat wave. It's like desert heat. Yeah. Here's the other thing that interestingly written about a very famous Yud Agree Christmas song.

Yes. Not a single mention of Christmas It's just about it snowing in a fireplace, isn't it? You're right, there's not No Santa, no gifts, no snowmen, no trees No reference to religious celebration And no bells As literally says, it's snowing heaps outside

We're inside Let's start making that on a couch So it wasn't made as a Christmas song It was made because it was so hot They wanted it cold and snowing They knew it would be a popular holiday song Or a winter song but they wrote it

they wrote it in the middle of a heat wave really wanting it to cool down Yeah Oh you're so right There is no Christmas reference at all No jolly holly Nothing So they are the two writers

Kahn and Stein were working on Just writing songs together For people like Dean Martin to record But this was originally recorded by Bin Crosby right Oh yeah And he did white Christmas

He was the Michael Bublay of the day He was And they walked in and he said, look, why don't we write a winter song? Let's cool it down. Because I'm like sweltering with the heat. Yeah. And so they did.

Wow. And they wrote it wrong. The first ever recording of it was, oh no, that's not, that's the song. I've got to do another one about another day. Oh, okay. Rocking around. No, now I'm into that. Yeah, I know.

That's a good one. That's a really good Christmas song. The first ever recorded was, the first ever recording of the song was by a man called Vaughn. Oh. Vaughn who? Vaughn Monroe. That's a way better name than Smarth. Do you reckon, Vaugh Monroe?

Vaughn Monroe. Should I change? A stage name of sorts. A stage name, a pseudonym of sorts. Fletch Monroe and Sproul. It was spelled wrong though. It was V-A-U-G-H-N, which I'm imagining still when you call up any sort of help desk online and they look up your phone number or, you know, when you're at farmers,

and they're at farmers, and they're looking up your number, and then they look at your number, and then they look at your name, and then they look at you, and they go, V-A-T-V-H-K-R-P-Harn. No, Vaughan Munro was not related to Maryland Munro. Oh, that's a shame. Yeah, despite sharing the surname. That's a shame. It's probably a popular one of the time. Well, today's fact of the day is about this song,

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow, which was written in the middle of an LA heat wave in the absolute height of summer, and it's not even about Christmas. Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. The Z-M Podcast Network. Play Z-M's Flesh, Fawn and Haley.

I think we're going to do a little bit of an anonymous phoner. I mean, you can tell us your name if you want, but the juicy of the story, the better. We want to know what went down at the Christmas party. I remember talking to H-H-R a while ago, and they said Christmas parties are the busiest time for them, because a lot of the time there's drinking involved and things get out of hand and people say things or do things. And then they're super busy

for the two weeks before Christmas. Yeah, we're going to deal with that. Because we were out the other day, remember? And like, it's definitely Christmas party season. You see these big groups all get together on Thursdays, Friday, Saturday. So one news did a story on this, the death of the Christmas party.

And they spoke to someone who was an event who's been in company events and you know those event companies that organize big companies events they said that there would be a time when big New Zealand companies would regularly spend over a million dollars on a Christmas party

I remember the big companies in years gone by that have spent phenomenal amounts of money on I used to work the wetter parties as an actor because they got performers and they were all like thematic and you know immersive what did you get dressed up as lots of things one

was like a spiritual guide. One was a Russian gymnast. One year I was like a circus performer. I was just expecting like walks and arms and problems. No, no. So apparently most companies now are opting for like toned down events, maybe even Christmas bonuses instead of big lavish things. We did drinky booze backyard. Yeah, no, and that's the thing at DIY celebrations. Just like, hey, let's just do this. It'll be real quick and easy. Or maybe it's just like a dinner. Yeah, totally. Boos. B-Y-O, do nothing. Rossel owes me $1,000 from when I hosted years ago.

Just every time there's a Christmas party, I just remember I'm out of thousand dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hasn't forgotten. Locked in. Like an elephant, never forgets. Never, ever. A lot of the reason the Christmas party has gone down the drain

is because shenanigans. Shenanigans. Shenanigans. And things went down. And that's what we want to know. What happened at your work do? Christmas work do, your end of year function, who misbehaved. Yep, we can keep it in honest.

Maybe you regret your actions at the work Christmas party at some stage. Oh, yeah, no judgment from us. Yeah. We all know what it's like after a tipple. 0,800 dials at em his number. Call us now. Text through 9696. What went down at the Christmas party?

What went down at the work Christmas party? Because they're a dying breed. People can't afford them anymore. Yep. Companies pulling back and trying to avoid skin. The other stories like the ones that we're getting in. I'm, to be honest, just reading these stories, I'm surprised. Anybody who's allowed a Christmas party anymore.

Yeah, anonymous. Good morning. What happened at the work Christmas party? Is that me? Yes, you anonymous. Yeah, so I worked for a really big company here, and one of my staff members decided that are getting naked and walking through a crowd of like 1,200 to 2,000 people would be a good idea.

That's pretty funny. Oh, my God, that's pretty funny. How did that go down after the event? Yeah, I mean, it was awkward. They showed up at work, though, the following week, which I was pretty impressed by, to be honest. I think I would have just emailed my resignation. Oh, no.

Same. And did they, like, get in trouble? Oh, I mean, there was, you know, beating twos and things, but to be honest, that wasn't even, like, the wildest thing that happened at those events, so it was pretty likely. I mean, do go on?

And this is why, this is why, this is why we don't have Christmas parties anymore. Yeah. Yeah, fantastic. I mean, all the stories are about to tell you or reasons there's no Christmas parties anymore. Exactly. Anonymous, thank you. Somebody said this is a fresh one.

This happened this year. Freshie. Yeah, this is a freshie. On Saturday night, my receptionist told me she had a kinky sex stream about me and my husband. And watching me eat a hot dog was turning her on. Oh, that's so inappropriate. We just keep that to ourselves.

Also, there's nothing hot about watching someone I had a hot dog, the mustard's on their face. Yeah, a bit of crumb from the... Oh, that's not hot at all, no. I choneyed in the bathroom of the location where we had our Christmas party. Coated the whole room. Oh. A week later that, then you shut down.

I don't think that was because you got a spew. Might have been your ascetic spew that melted pipes or something. One Christmas party a long time ago, I made out with the boss's mistress on the dance floor. She worked in the office and the wife had found out about her a week or so beforehand, so good times, good times. Wow. There is a real fat message that's just come in. Should you read it? You pre-read it.

I'm going to read one of the other messages. I've read it. Years ago at my Christmas party in Christchurch. My workmate was already two sheets to the wind and now on the Voddy Red Bulls by 3pm. We lost him for a bit. Then I see a text message on my phone that says, Help toilets.

So I barge into the men's toilets yelling his name. He's in a cue ball. He says, come in. No thanks, mate. Anyway, I reluctantly do. in there looking sheepish, I asked what's wrong, and he tells me he's called his dick and a zipper. He looks at me earnestly and says, what's the options here?

Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'm sure as hell didn't want to see it. I said, rip it down, plaster it up and get back to the party, or we go to hospital. He opted for the hospital. Circumcision via Levi's. For Secret Central week later, someone bought him Velcro jeans. Yeah, nice. Nice. That's good stuff. We'll keep your text coming in. 9-6-96-0-800-m.

what went down at the Christmas party So we're talking about what went wrong at the Christmas party I've got to say I love Someone said it was like sit down dinner But someone got two tank Literally shat themselves sitting at the table Everyone could all of a sudden smell it They were obviously pretty drunk

They were looking super sheepish Got up to excuse themselves Just all right on the back to their legs That's quit your job territory 100% you won't show them back next year I wouldn't go back the next day It'd be done I don't we get these

text often. I have, I have, I have, I'm a drinker. I have never shat myself from drinking too much alcohol. Well, that just tells me you haven't. Wait, we're silent. None of us responded as though we have. I know, I've never, I haven't, but it just sounded like you were really being defensive there. No, I've done a myriad of things while I've had too much to drink. Poop and myself at the dinner table is definitely not one of them. Our Christmas butter got cancelled this year after, at last year's Christmas party, someone flashed the CEO, their titties.

My nana at her work on Saturday, got drunk and fell off a stage and broke her thumb. Nann? Nanny. My dad's business that he owns at Christmas party, the manager got caught masturbating in the toilets by my auntie. Who's masturbating at the work party? You do that before the Christmas party,

because afterwards you're going to be two booze and you'll fall asleep halfway through. People? Honestly wild. He's still a manager What? There's no way No we don't come back from that It's a small business eh

Like smaller Yeah yeah yeah right Yeah yeah yeah all run by friends I nearing speculated the size of his business Georgia if that was what you were applying One of our guys at work's girlfriend Called out one of the office girls We're talking shit about everybody behind their back

And the office girl just sat there crying the whole night Everyone's just said it was so funny But she doesn't talk shit about anybody behind their back anymore Gemma, what happened at the work Christmas party? So, a work colleague with the same name as me. Got very, very drunk and got very lippy to the owners. And then the rumour went round town that it was me. Oh, because you've got the same name.

Gemma got lippy, Gemma got lippy. Yeah, they didn't realize that there was two of us at the company, and unfortunately, I got the blame for it. Oh, no. What's not going to do with this? No, no, it wasn't me But, yeah, even some of my colleagues that hadn't been there Were like, oh my God, I can't believe she did that

I didn't realize she got that drunk She never drinks that much Oh, no How did you clear your name? She pleaded the shaggy defense Yeah Wasn't me What was exactly what I did

What a Facebook status? Yeah, no, the owner's cleared it up pretty quick With everybody that was asking They're like, no, no, no, no, it wasn't her Wasn't that? Oh, nice Our Gemma would never. She would never out Gemma, no.

That's the other Gemma. This is Gemma and you're thinking about Gemma. She actually has been her name with our AG. Gemma, we've got so many of these Fletchhorn and Haley calendars to give away. Let's send you out one. To help clear your name, please. Because our Gemma would never. It's our calendar of Rockquest band names.

Oh, amazing, yes, please. So we'll send that our way there. We'll sort that out, ask some messages. The big GM from Ozzy was over and we all ended up at a bar on the wharf. The New Zealand general manager was going home and asked me to look after the Aussie GM Let's just say, I looked after him a little Tugua because I woke up in his bed that explains.

It's wild. Would you be like, now, let's talk about that pay rise? Yeah, let's get me. While I'm down here. Let's get some trans-tasker. Don't you look at me? Hell of a time to begin negotiations when your teeth are back close, you know?

I've got a real grip on this thing. What are we talking? I'm going to bite the end right off. A few years ago, I was at my then partner's work, they spent the days drinking and then one of the young fellas convinced everyone to get on the pingers. It worked.

And at work Christmas money. They all did people up until the early 60s. We're all on pingers later that night. They went back to the boss's mansion and shredded up his pristine lawn on his dirt bikes. Oh, that sounds wild. Like some kind of TV show movie. Yeah.

Yeah, it does. Holy moly. somebody said somebody i don't know what their first message said but they've just messaged and saying actually please don't read that out so don't i don't think i did no or i may have i don't know um i got a drunk and told the boss that in my job interview i lied about everything oh okay wow you know you got the job now yeah yeah did you read the pregnant wife one no my old boss got snapped snogging his receptionist in the back alleys to the to the

toilets and long room back in the day got snapped by his pregnant wife Oh, that's awful. Oh, my God. Dirty. Heather pour beer all over me once. That's what. Heather. Heather.

Heather who? Heather. Heather. These are, um... Oh, my God. Our boss was banned from Christmas parties. Christmas parties continued. Bossers no longer had to go after he told my boyfriend if he didn't give me a good

saying to that night, he'd take care of it. And also called one of our other colleagues. a dirty little bitch. The boss said, man, if you don't shake your missus tonight, I will. Wow. Even if you're the boss, you don't like to say this. Wait, your boss is banned from Christmas parties. Your boss should probably have had his contract

review. I reckon. Jesus. Wow. Somebody said, somebody who went to our Christmas party, got boozed. Apparently had a bit of a black spot of their memory woke up locked in a car boot. I'd reevaluate my drinking and how much from drinking at that stage.

You imagine waking. You've had a few too many and then all of a sudden you're like black out, wake up car boot. You'd think you were in a coffin? Yes. What do you think? I've never been in a car boot before.

Haven't you? Haven't you? Haven't you? I feel like I've been in a car boot. Everyone's been in. Yeah, because you need... Overloading. Yeah.

It's always too tall. I was too big. No, I've been in the boot. There's always the big guy's job to get in the boot. You're big guy and a little guy and you're too much. You do. You give each other a week out. Yeah, yeah.

Really? Oh, wow. Of all the things you've done and you've ever done? 696, have you been in a car boot? Sure I get in a car boot? Also, can we have a follow-up from the guy that woke up in the car boot? Because how did you, what happened? I want to know, like, what that felt like, how you got out.

No, this was the story of someone from their work party who woke up, not who, right, not them. Didn't text messages in. God, that's wild. Someone at my Christmas party passed out drunk and woke up to the cleaners trying to steal their shoes at 4 a.m. How's that, then, yeah. My shoes, my shoes! And give off me. Is that the podcast done?

Because I'm blasting for a poos. Basting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review. Play Z-M's Fletchhorn and Haley.