ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - June 23rd 2025

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

Fletch wants to talk about a dog with no anus Fire brigade helped girl into house Top 6 Matchmaking Biz Most successful names SLP - Do you put water in with a wheat bag? The soft boy cook The Dallas Cheerleaders pay rise Does a couch have calories? What is your go-to one liner at work? Hayley's immigration rave The catch up trap Fact of the day Have you had a bad date lately?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM podcast network, this is the Fletchvorn and Hayley's big pod. Thanks to animates making happy happen for pets. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thank you, Brynnefer Rudkin. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletchvorn and Hayley. Two minutes past six.kin. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Bonjour. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Just another day. To Fletch. Another day. Happy birthday. To Fletch. Thank you. Happy birthday.

Dear Fletch. Happy birthday. To Fletch. That's lovely. You guys should make an album. We've actually been working on it. Put an album out. I think I'm gonna sprinkle my personal gifts to you throughout the night. Oh, what is that?

I don't like the surprises at birthday surprises. Oh! A kind of surprise. What kind of kind of surprise? Minions. Minions. Cause you know I love the minions. A kinyon surprise.

Oh, thank you Vaughan, that's lovely. What did you get me? Just you bloody wait. It is coming. Fantastic thank you. Just another day another day. The International ATM is done with and today no but today we have a chance. Why I simply won't listen to this radio station if there's no chance to win cash money? My God. Today though, an amazing chance. We're gonna kick it off giving you the chance to see Lord live at Red Rocks. Oh my gosh, Red Rocks.

Red Rocks, Red Rocks. This is a venue I've always wanted to go to. I don't care what band I see there. It's an incredible venue. You always see bands record there. Kings of Leon did a really good Red Rocks back in the day. A lot of bands do live at Red Rocks and release the footage. So you go on the draw to see Lord Live at iconic Red Rocks Amphitheatre. It's in Colorado. It's part of their ultrasound world tour. And

thanks to our mates at United Airlines, we've got flights and accommodation to get there. Now to go in the draw we give you the chance at 8 o'clock first this morning and then midday 4 and 7 we're playing Lord What Was That? So we're gonna just play a sound and ask you what was that? What was that? And if you can guess it correctly you go in the draw so 8 o'clock make sure you're listening if you're a Lord fan and you want to win that trip to see her live in Colorado at Red Rocks. You know who's playing at Red Rocks soon? Weird Al Yankovich.

I'd watch it, I'd go. I'd go. I'd go. If you were around, you would go. Well, that's tomorrow if you're in the area at Red Rocks. Coming up on the show, the top six, there's a New Zealand matchmaking service for sale. So yeah, it's a sale.

It's not a dating website, it's a matchmaking service and it was started by Theresa Gatting. Now you may remember that name if you're a huge fan of CEOs and telecom. Yeah, right. If that's your niche. Yeah, well known New Zealand businesswoman. Yeah, right. If that's your niche. Yeah, well known New Zealand businesswoman. Yeah.

I always remember that I always talk about her back in the day when they talk about telecom. Okay, you're on the news. On the news, yeah. Yeah, but she's selling it. But I've got the top six things that makes it. A New Zealand matchmaking website. Right, I had to fight next to get this story on the show.

I think we just honour what's in the spreadsheet. Because it's my birthday We see no any see it's my A touching story next about a dog with no anus Play Zed ems flesh-borne and Haley and mates would love this dog with no anus What I don't hey, this is a guy's touching story. Okay. Get ready. Do you want some sad music?

Get the tissues ready because Perth, we go to Perth through this story and the dog loving community of Perth has rallied around a tiny pup with a rare and life threatening condition and a bid to save its life. Okay. Now at just five weeks old, this convertible, is that what you had? Yeah, Lulu was a convertible. That was Lulu, you know, I know Lulu's gone, but you don't wanna talk about it? No, I can't call Mubla.

Oh, that's a real one. Yeah, that's a real one. Unlike the cats that you never liked. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I liked those cats. I don't like the current cat. Yeah, right. What is it, a poodle and...

Cavalier, camcha, spaniel. And that's also what the Obamas had in the White House, right? No. What did they have? They had a Portuguese water dog called Bo. Oh. Portuguese water dog.

And they looked like a caverdo. Right. That would be more confusing. I'm sure it was a Portuguese water dog. Well, at just five weeks old, this caverdo puppy was born with a birth defect, a condition called atresis. It was born at five weeks old.

No, sorry, it was... And at five weeks old, this dog was born. Okay, this dog was born with a rare condition. Yeah. And the vets had this dog at five weeks old. Okay. Stop. So it's five weeks...

It's my birthday, be nice to me. Nah, let's just bully that shit out of this guy. Don't bully me more on my birthday. You old idiot. So this convertible puppy was born with a defect called Atresia anii, where the anus is missing. So what do you mean straight up missing?

What happened to the end of the bowel? Or it could be blocked, or it might not have formed. Yeah, right. So this dog was, so it was born in someone's backyard, not to a breeder, it doesn't sound like it was born for breeder. We would never, would we? We would never promote that. We would never support breeders.

And they just saw this dog as being bloated and all like... Wait, he's got five weeks of preps? I know, I know. And so they took it to the vet and the vet was like, they went to put the thermometer up, it's, you know, they do that to my cat and it's so invasive. And you see them, have you ever looked your cat in the eyes, it's receiving a thermometer in the anus? Cause they don't warm it up.

At least warm it up. They don't even spit on it. You can't, what? My doctor does. They, my doctor's got a lube. Yeah lube. Yeah, yeah spit. And my doctor doesn't spit on the thing.

Hamilton lube. Spits straight on my arse. Hamilton lube. Spit. Vorn. And then he calls me a good boy. Am I going to a doctor? I don't know if you are.

I don't know if you are. I find his van very rude. It's in a van in a Westfield, isn't it? Yeah, that's your problem. Sometimes it's in a Westfield. That's the good thing about the van. It can be anywhere. But so, wow. Doctor on wheels. Sometimes it's in a Westfield, that's a good thing about the van, it can be anywhere.

But so, wow. Dr. O'Wheel. Sometimes it's at the beach. So wait, they've got to put the thermometer in the anus, there is no anus. And then there is no anus, so the vet is like, oh your dog doesn't have an anus, and that's when they're like, we can't afford this. Yeah. And so the breeders, no so the breeders were out, they were like, we can't afford this. And that's when the vet nurse, or the vet, took the dong on and made a GoFundMe. Oh! And- Get old Rufi and Anus.

Yeah. And- Was that its name? I don't know, what was its name? So they have named it Tushy. Okay, wow. Well, that feels mean. And they've been posting Instagram updates.

Look at it. I mean look. I don't know. So they look. Kill or kill it. Given it. Honestly. Has an anus been crafted?

Yeah so they've crafted an anus. They've crafted an anus. It was a specialist treatment. Mm. And nearly. Well yeah I'd imagine so. Sounds like a specialist task doesn't it? Yeah it does feel somewhat specialised.

Yeah. Do you know once I didn't poop for two weeks. But you've got one. But I have an anus. But think five weeks. Yeah. Of crap. Well they were worried that it could have been rotting inside.

It could have been rotting organs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it comes up throat. So apparently some vets, the vet who dealt with this in Perth, was saying that she works with vets, they might have 20, 30, 40 years experience, haven't seen anything like this. So they were, I guess, quite excited to be involved in this and, you know, make it.

But there's been so much support, they've raised over $10,000. Oh, how much was a new anus cost? I don't know how much it was. I think $8,000 for an anus. I think priceless. Priceless. Having a nanus.

John Hopkins Medicine said one in 5,000 humans born without a nanus. Those are high numbers? Yeah. It's always people on the- It's a relatively common condition. The worst people in the comments of this news story. Oh no.

Chris, two days ago said, this dog is full of it. Full of it. So full of it. He is it. So full of it. Yes he's full of it. Because he didn't have an exit. Because he didn't have an exit. Because he didn't have an exit. But yeah the vet is sharing updates.

Oh my god I hope he hasn't died. Oh you didn't check. I haven't checked. Fletch you're going to start off the show with the hopeful story of an anusless dog. Cute underscore moon bear. Is it the Instagram? Moonsmissioncontinuebearslovearescue. This is a rescue page. Venus-less dog. Cute underscore moon bear. Is the Instagram. Moons mission continues, love of rescue. This is a rescue page.

I thought it was called Tushy. Yeah, no, but there's Tushy there. There's a photo of Tushy. So I think that's the rescue page. Okay. That rescues a whole bunch of dogs. So you would think that there would be. There's a whole bunch of, yeah, photos on there.

It looks like it's still alive, so. That's so horrible. Isn't that a touching story? I mean, the cost of it would have been intense, but you take on the dog and then something's wrong with it and you're like, not for me. Yeah, not for me. Oh no, yeah, no, we're good.

We've got a breakdown of expenses. Yeah, it's still not right. Total spent so far, seven and a half grand and I want to know where that other two and a half is going to go. I'll be asking. I reckon they'll show you through that pretty quick. Good luck Tushy and the development of Uranus.

What a beautiful story. I don't know why people are so mad about this. I kind of get it. This is something I would do. It's very extra. There's a girl who lives in London. She has a apartment, very high up apartment. Okay. And she locked herself out of her house.

Right, problem number one. As you do. As you do. Yeah. As you do. Have the key outside, I've got a little rock. It's not a rock. Okay, why don't you just tell everyone you've got a rock. It's a fake rock. A fake rock outside.

It doesn't look like a rock at all. It's like plastic. Turn it over there's a bung in it. Yeah inside a key. Pull it out there's a key to that. I told you just get a digital lock. You go in there there's TVs. Yeah cameras though so good luck. Are there any more rocks inside? Yeah. Any more rocks that aren't rocks inside? Yeah, full of keys to special safes. Wow. Full of diamonds. Wow.

No. Anyway, so she locked herself out of her house. She, she had the whole experience on TikTok, by the way. Of course she did. South London flat. Yeah. And Clapham. Oh, isn't that where everybody lives?

All the Kiwis? Yeah, all the Kiwis. Isn't that where everyone, every single person. Every single Kiwi. Every single Kiwi. No, you know, there's like some suburbs, I forget what they are. Yeah, all the Kiwis. Isn't that where everyone, every single person, every single Kiwi. No, you know there's like some suburbs, I forget what they are. Yeah. But that sounds like one of them. Yeah, we live in in Clapham. So she realises she doesn't have a key to her apartment. She also realises that her flatmate is away. She's like, I've got a few options. I can either try to scale the wall. Now this is a four story building.

Okay. Scale the wall. Sheppard's Bush. I've just googled where do all the Kiwis live. Sheppard's Bush. Sheppard's Bush. Hammersmith and Putney. Damn it. So maybe not there. Alright, well clap them. That's where she lives.

So she said I've got a few options. I can either try and scale the wall and climb through my window or, and this is the option she takes, she calls the fire brigade. I didn't think that's an option. They come. That's not an option. They come and they get their little, what are they called? Scissor lift. What do they do? A bucket? Like it's on a crane, like it's on the thing, it's on the... Extendi ladder. Yeah

Extendi ladder thingy. Yeah. And it's got a little box at the end. And then they come up and they... Actually it's an aerial platform truck. You idiot. With a bucket or platform at the end of the ladder. Yeah. So they lift her up all the way to her window and she climbs in through the window. And everyone was like, excuse you, call a locksmith. Was she hot?

Irish, this guy is hot. But they wouldn't have known that on the phone. Excuse you, call a locksmith. Was he hot? Irish, this guy's hot. No, wait, they're just attractive. But they wouldn't have known that on the phone, unless you know sometimes you can tell people are hot on the phone. If you can't say that, 111, hello, what's your emergency? I've locked myself out of my house, I need a fire brigade.

Can we just get a little check on, what would you call yourself, a seven to eight? Just gonna switch this to FaceTime. Just to verify your identity. Okay, yeah, you're worth getting the truck out. Yeah, we're able to verify your identity. We'll send all the lads around. Why do you need to verify my identity?

Just to make sure you are the resident of the house. I'm surprised they didn't tell her to get lost. No, they didn't. They just turned up and did it. Maybe it must have been a quiet day and clupped him. Did she lose the key to the downstairs door? I'm not sure. She just had the keys to her apartment. Because surely people were coming and going enough that. No, it was to her actual apartment.

Right. Yeah, so she had, they had to go through the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the window was open. I'm assuming so, yeah. Yeah, the window was open, the door wasn't. Old building. Imagine if she, to get in, she was like,

oh, well the window's not open either, but I'll take this rock up and smash it, and then as she throws it through the window, she's like, that's the one with the key in it. That's the one with the key in it, that was plastic. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Damn, I knew, damn it. Play. ZM.

Spledgeforn and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is the top six. There is a New Zealand matchmaking website for sale, who even knew? Yeah, what is it for sale because of Tinder and Bumble and all the apps? I don't know. But is this where they actually like, someone, it's not a machine that swipes and matches

you with an algorithm, it's like humans. It's a bit more of a situation. Like a matchmaking service, they're like, I know, Hailey's on Airbooks, I think you two would get along fantastic. Oh, you pointed to the four ninger. Do you know what I mean? Like, they should have categories. Tears.

Ha ha ha. We do have tears. I mean, you'd be gold late, obviously. Excuse me. Gold late. I'm not gonna match you with a broad. You're dating app, Jade. Excuse me.

Get out, I'm silver, mate. So you can, I'm on Compatico.co.nz now. Is that it? Compatico. Compatico, take the first step, book a complimentary 15 minute Zoom. This is a relaxed introductory chat with one of our friendly team.

Oh, okay. That's a bit of hands on. And then so they met you. Yeah. Imagine in an office, you're just with all your office girlies and all your friends, you're like, got a great guy today on the Zoom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon he'd be great for your Tiffany. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And your top tier and your silver tier. Tiffany and the silver tier. Rather than that vawny Jay. So this is why, this is why the team, and this is our team, there's like the CEO,

there's Joe, she's a professional matchmaker, and there's Tiare, who's got a Bachelor of Arts, Science, PG Dip, which is Health Psychology. There's somebody else who's a professional matchmaker, Corrine. Down here there's a dating coach, Dr. Madeline. She's a dating coach. Fun.

Okay, so this is- There's a photographer who like, jujies you up, styles you up and then gets your photos taken. Turns you from a six to a seven. This screams rich people and- It isn't cheap. Yeah, because it's kind of like getting a personalised matchmaker. Yeah. And also kind of like getting a personalized matchmaker.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I mean it's better than swiping on apps, isn't it? It's pretty miserable. What the apps apparently, right? There's three membership options. You guys are talking about this platinum gold and bronze. Oh my God. You're a bronze.

You are a bronze. You're a bronze. Mingus get bronze. No, it's not Mingas, it's face on. How much you're willing to pay. Yeah, but the hot people, do you know what I mean? Wow. They probably give hot people the free, you know.

I reckon they're giving just little. Yeah, I got the free upgrades. Oh, you did. Yeah, I went straight to platinum. I like the top six other things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website. Number six on the list, you have to shag, marry, kill the hobbits in Lord of the Rings.

Which one are you doing? You're marrying Frodo. You're marrying? Nah, I'd marry Sam. Samwise Gamgee. Yeah, you'd marry Sam. Yeah. You'd bang Pippin.

God, you'd absolutely take Pippin to town. Yeah, and probably kill Frodo. Nah, that's rough. I don't want to kill him yet, man. But he's such a simp. You know what I mean? Got him. God!

Oh! The ring! The ring! Ew! I'm scared of the horse. I'm scared of the Nazgul Sam. I've never thought of Shoochag Mary the Hobbit. Who's the fourth one?

Pippin, Meryn. Meryn. Oh, they call him Mary? Number five on the list of the top six things Shag Mary the Hobbit. Who's the fourth one? Pippin, Meren. Meren. Oh, they call him Mary? Number five on the list of the top six things that make Fletch told me to move on to number five because he doesn't, he doesn't watch Lord of the Rings. He doesn't know. He's like, I can't play this game.

He's like, I can't play the game. Move along. Plus he wants to just get them all shagged. Hey, shag all the Hobbits. He's like, why choose one? Yeah, why shag them all? Yuck! Yuck!

Hobbit. Shag. Number five on the list of the top six things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website. Why choose one? Yeah, why schnoss when I shat them all? Yuck! Hobbit! Shag! Number five on the list of the top six things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website. Your first date has to be to a sausage sizzle at either Mitre 10 or Bunnings. Oh, it goes with Mitre 10. And actually which one you'd pick would be a huge thing on who you'd match with. Number four on the list of the top six things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website.

All the matchmaking is actually based on the Which Shortland Street Character Are You quiz that they get you to do. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, nice. I was the Ferndale Strangler. I've really struggled with that since. Yeah. Oh right.

So what does that say about me? Psycho. Yeah, big psycho energy. Yeah, big psycho. Yeah. Number three on the list are the top six things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website. They won't match a mince and cheese with a steak and cheese

because you think they're similar and so they'd get on yeah got a great Fergs pie at the weekend. What favours you go for? I went for the pork belly. Far apart. I've got no Queenstown on the cards. I've got a Queenstown on the cards. Damn it. I've got a Wanaka on the cards. Also mate, those are one of the most privileged things. Can you believe, darling? Can you believe, darling? I don't have a Queenstown on the cards. I might go all of 2025 without visiting Queenstown.

Oh my god! Darling, darling, no! Darling! Darling! Blue canoe! Darling! Number two on the list are the top six things that make it in New Zealand matchmaking website.

A lot of the algorithm is based on who you voted for in your bird of the year last year. Oh I thought you were going to say in the election. Always the kid I do. Yeah, always the kid I do. Yeah. So no, they're so noble. Yes, they're just a fat drunk aren't they, really. Well that's why I think I'm voting for them.

And number one, birds of a feather. And number one on the top six things that make it a New Zealand matchmaking website your password has to be up the was 2025 exclamation mark. Yeah, because you got to have a symbol. Well they lost at the weekend because you were there. Yeah. In a panther's jersey. It's a bit of a tradition that the lads when we go to our lads weekend and watch the league the Warriors lose. Yeah, maybe don't go. Maybe we're not gonna go next year. That's today's top six. Play ZM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Let's check this list of the most successful names. There was a study done looking at successful business people and the names that they do have. Elon. Is Elon on the list? No, cause he's sort of, how many other successful Elons do you know? I don't even know any other Elons. What's the origin of Elon? Elon? Elon,

I don't know. Richest man in the world though. He'd be pissed if he's not on the list. He's a dick. Elon Musk is the most well-known Elon. And then there's Elon, Lyndon Strauss, never heard of them. Elon Farnsworth for some reason rings a bell. Never heard of him. Mm. Okay. Yeah, there's no other famous Elons.

So on the list we have, you're gonna absolutely be able to predict this. So what, they just looked at like successful- CEOs, high paying, da da da da da. So it's just gonna be like John, yeah Steve, there'll be a Steve on the list. So we have John, okay, I started at the top, I did it again. Okay. I'll say number one.

And number 10, Scott. Yep. Nine, Joseph. Okay. Eight, Steve. I knew there'd be a Steve on the list. Steve is a businessman's name. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm just gonna take you upstairs to level seven to see Steve. I knew there'd be a Steve on the list. Steve is a businessman's name. Yeah.

I'm just going to take you upstairs to level seven to see Steve. But he's casual. Yeah. As casual as he gets as Steve. Yeah. Seven, Brian. Brian. Six, welcome Jennifer.

Jennifer! Good to see a female on the list. And we won't see another one. Okay? So we've seen Jennifer, now Jennifer's gone. Where am I at? Fifth, Mark. Yep, I knew there'd be a Mark.

What? Men. Fourth, we've got a Robert. Third, David. Yep. Now, what do you reckon your two top spots are? John is number one because you read the list wrong. Yeah I did. In second place, Michael. Our CEOs are Michael. Yes he is. Listen to John, Michael, David, Robert, Mark, Brian, Steve Bryan Steve Joseph Scott and Jennifer? If you've just joined us, that's a list of the whitest men's names.

Yeah, yeah. If it was women only, if they did just women only. OK. Of course, Jennifer's on the list. It was followed by Lisa, Mary, Julie, Karen, Michelle, Kimberly, Emily, Kelly and Diana. Karen as a CEO, as a business. Yeah. Oh, I know.

You wouldn't mess with her. Or Julie. Yeah. Who's running things around here? Jules. Yeah, Jules. Cool, she is. Yeah, Jules on a good day. Julie on a bad day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole, silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole Silly little pole, silly little pole Silly little pole, silly little pole Silly little pole today is do you put water in the microwave when you're heating up your wheat set? No, I just go three or four minutes, raw dog.

I raw dog? You're asking for a fire, man. I don't know what you see, just tell me off, because you'd be like, you're burning. I'm like, no, I don't care. It makes it hot and it lasts longer. It does, yeah. And it scorches the skin a bit. I don't want a wet steamy sack. Do you think people, okay, we'll quote you on that.

Weet sack, weet sack. Do you think many people use the wheat sack? I love it. It's a classic patsy. Yeah. My mum loves them. Cause what are the options? Hot water bottle, you can get electric pads as well.

Yeah we had one of those. It died, but man it lasts. You just plug it in and charge it up. And so it's like a furry hot pad. It's got maybe like, we had a clay one as well that you could be hot or cold. Okay. A clay one?

Clay, yeah. Cause that's the thing with the wheatie, like man it feels good. It's malle thing with the wheatie, like, man, it feels good. It's malleable to the soil bed, but don't last. The heat don't last. At least your raw dog had no water. 71% of people use water. Damn it. In the microwave with their wheat sack. I don't like it because it feels more steamy.

It's so moist. It's always hot. Yeah. Burn it. Well, let's hear from this crowd that we call a bunch of listeners. This gang. This gang about why they don't want to burn their house down. Sarah said, never used to, but my mum makes me now because she doesn't want me to burn the house down. It's an old wives tale. It's not a thing. Wait, Paul, what are you? Do you weedy that often?

I don't weedy that often, but I've weedied for the kids and you put a bit cup of water in there like a coffee cup Yeah, it's always a mug. Yeah, it's gonna be a man is the glass will get too hot I've been doing this for years and I haven't burnt my wheat sack or my house down. We're out here raw dog It stops it from drying out Why do you want it? Why do you want a wet? Why do you want it wet, moist, sweet bag? But you don't want it too steamy. Then you gotta get a towel or a tea towel. Yeah, it's all moist in your bed.

Yeah, yeah. Lisa said, I do it because that's what the instructions told me to do. We're doing things, why? Because one person once said, Lottie said, wait, this is a thing. How am I today years old and only realising that you can put water in the microwave with the...

Sometimes you meant to put water in like if you're reheating something like pizza. Yeah, cause it helps. Cause it helps. Steam it? Yeah. Oh, here we go. Because one time when I forgot my wheat

and left it on in the microwave, it burnt so bad I had to get a new microwave from Sophie. That sounds like a microwave problem. I'm running quite a high wattage Panasonic. I don't wanna brag. I don't wanna brag. What do you want, what do we took at 1,100? I might even be higher Vaughn.

Might even be a 12, is it 12? It sounds like I've got a 14 or pretty good a 14. You've got a nuclear reactor under your bench. Is it a pro? Yeah, you've got a 14 pro. I've just got, you've seen it's a nice white Panasonic. It is nice. It is nice. Yeah, I mean it's on top white Panasonic. It is nice. It is nice.

Yeah, I mean, it's on top of the line. It's mid range. It's just powerful. But it's bloody lovely. I don't know what mine is, but I can heat metal in it. Oh yeah, and you can put a metal bowl on yours, eh? This is why you haven't had the chance

to go to Queen's Sala this winter, darling. I know, because I'm still paying off my damn microwave. No way, said Earl. No water water I chuck it in for five minutes. I want that thing to burn me. Five? Okay no, four max. Oh no. I'd make mine too hot.

But he might be working with a low wattage. His five might be the equivalent of your three. He might not have a big Panasonic like me. He might not have a big fat Panasonic. I remember when my dad stayed at my flat when I was at uni once. Jesus why? And I made him a... Oh what?

Because we're close to being friends and it was fun. But your flat would have been a shit hole. Yeah it was. It was so cold I made him a wheatie and I made it so hot and I put him a... Jesus, why? Oh, what? Yeah! Because we're close to being friends and it was fun. But your flat would have been a shithole. Yeah, it was. It was so cold I made him a wheatie and I made it so hot and I put it on the ottoman to cool down and it burnt through the synthetic fabric of the ottoman. That's how hot it was. Melted through it. I don't, said Sarah, but my husband who's a firefighter gets so mad.

Sometimes I find a cup of water in the microwave ready to go because he knows, oh, I want my wheat bag and I won't use water. He's very passionate about not burning down our house. Because I guess because he's a firefighter. You would be passionate about you'd be anti burn. But upside, you put in your wheat sack for five minutes without a cup of water, all the hot firemen come. Oh, she's already got one. He doesn't want these other hot firemen coming around and gawking at his messes.

And the only thing you had to pay in sacrifice was your home. Your entire home. Yeah, and all of your belongings. I'm rocking an 1100 watt. Oh, well you were bragging that it could have been higher. I don't know, it seems like it's... We got it from the warehouse. No, this is... I'm just on the warehouse.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Go to Harvey Norman, have some respect. Hey, excuse me, they're selling Panasonic there. Wow. I would offend my warehouse microwave. I bought mine from Kitchen Things now, that's top tier. Again, that's why you haven't been

to Queenstown this year, darling. Because darling, I'm still paying it off. Darling. Laura said, I didn't realize I had to. Samantha said, no I don't, but I should know better. I'm a physio, I'm constantly warming these things up. Oh really okay. Here we go Hayley said I set fire to a microwave once by not using water. Oh. And Kristin only half otherwise it'll boil over no one wants a soggy wheatie. No you don't

want a soggy wheatie. You don't want a soggy wheatie. Or a soggy sack in the bed. Play ZM's FletchBorn and Hayley. Play ZM's FletchBorn and Hayley. Listen to this What a horrosoggy sack. Horrosoggy sack in the bed. Listen to this headline from the New York Times. They're gentle, they're seasonal, they're soft boy cooks. This is the internet and the girlies, and actually maybe we'll bring in their producer girlies. Now put your lolly cake away. Carwin is just like... Carwin was hunched over a plate.

I feel like it's time to share the Biscoff Lolokate recipe again. No, I can. We've shared it before. Yeah, I know, definitely. Whenever someone DMs it, yeah, yeah, yeah, I reply. But whenever we talk about it, people are like, tell me more about this Biscoff Lolokate. It's just replacing the malt biscuits with Biscoff.

Yeah, so go, I use the Woolworth's recipe just online. Nonspon. Nonspon, you just need less butter than you would use with the malt. Cause it's oozy at the best of. So it recommends, we always do a double batch cause we eat it instantly. Instead of 200 grams of butter, I use about 140.

We'll get the recipe out cause people always ask, it's amazing. And we have it every birthday. Except for on Shannon's birthday we had Afghans. Yeah. And it was good. I had to make it with a ladle yesterday and then I broke the ladle just to announce. Oh my god. Now we're going to get her a new ladle.

But your birthday's beans. You have to wait next year for a ladle. I'll get a ladle next year. Car would write that down next year for Shannon's birthday we'll get her a ladle. A ladle. Okay. Now girls, do you know what I'm talking about when I talk about the soft boy cock? Yeah there's this whole like golden retriever

Vibe that's going super viral at the moment the kind of sticker tattoo. Yeah, think about Jeremy Allen why and the beer Floppy hair young like kind of muscly kind of lean like a bit sort of skin a bit twinkie looking Soft boy cook might not protect you from a fight Man he'll scramble you some chili scrambled on on a weekend. Oh,'t protect you from a fight but man he'll scramble you some chilli scramble on a weekend. Oh you know what I mean? Yeah. That's fine. Yep. It's the internet's obsession the soft boy cook and I kind of get it man. I think we're all here for the idea of looking at a man and thinking he'll respect us. Yeah.

Jesus you don't ask. Gentlemen, gentlemen, listening, if you're a man and you're listening, that's all they ask. That's all they're asking. And they think they're asking too much. It's actually so easy to be a good person. We just kind of look at guys and we think, would he show me the smallest modicum of respect? Would he treat me like a human?

Boy, that's all I require. Christ, they're not asking a lot. It's a low bar, isn't it? So it's like these soft, they look kind of like they would almost be able to walk a runway in Milan. You know what I mean? Like long, like soft skin, floppy hair. And then it's all about them like sharing online them cooking the like most elite bougie stuff and the girls are horned up over it. Well yeah because you're getting something amazing for dinner. Yeah. As well. I've never been with someone who is a really good cook. Yeah right.

I've never been with someone who's a really good cook. So am I saying it a third time? Are you trying to remember way back to the wedding? You're trying to convince yourself. Wait was he a chef way back? That one DJ. Wait, was that DJ, was that 19 year old DJ any good at food?

He could whip up a noodle. He did a good noodle, although that was soggy. Yeah. He drained the water. He overdid it. At that flat that had one pan, what did that guy cook for me? I think it was mints and macaroni. I think it was a mints sort of. With a Dolly O'Jar. Pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan pan If push two, feed them as well. Is it really low bar, isn't it?

It's so simple. Isn't it? It's really easy guys. Play ZM's Fletch, Maul and Hayley. I've watched this for years on YouTube for some reason. You know, there's like shows you'll watch on YouTube and you don't get the whole episode, but you get enough. I've watched the making the team thing

for Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders on YouTube for ages. And now they're on Netflix with like a big, bigger budget series. And it's all about the cheerleaders on YouTube for ages, and now they're on Netflix with a big, bigger budget series. And it's all about the cheerleaders for the Dallas Cowboys. Who no one cares about. It's all about the cheerleaders. And you'll know them from their dance to ACDC's Thunderstruck, and they come out with their little

cowboy outfits on. Oh wah wah wah, na na na na na, thunder with the pom poms. Yeah. Amazing, it's all about making the team. It's a very highly sought after job despite the fact that they were paid peanuts. And have you, were you watching the Netflix show? Yeah. You've been watching that as well?

So season three I believe has, two has just dropped and Shannon you watched it over the weekend. You watched some of it? Yeah, no I binge-ed it straight, Carmen and I were messaging constantly like, have you seen this, have you seen this? And like our favourite girls who we were tracking to see if they made the team or not. It was a great season.

So it's basically like every year they do a refresh and they'll have rookies and veterans. Veterans. Do they get rid of some mingers? Yeah, so if you're a veteran and you like can't keep up and a rookie comes in and is better than you, you get cut. It's like some of those airlines that get rid of the old girls. Yeah, the old birds, aye.

You know, they're just like, oh, you're 26 now. Just not as nice to look at and receive a Sadie en Blanc from. So it's called America Sweethearts, Dallas Cowboy, and it's all about this. But one of the biggest revelations that's come out of this, and probably from the popularity of the show, is that they've finally got a pay rise. Yeah, so a few of the veterans,

some of the most senior girls, really fought for a pay rise. They debated not signing their contracts. Because they all had jobs. They had to have jobs. Most of them have three or four. And these are people who are pediatric surgeons. They've got real, real jobs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they are struggling to pay rent. So these veterans nearly did a walkout. They really said like, hey, we need to fight for this. You're making tens of millions of dollars off us. And as the season finished, they revealed they got a 400% pay rise. And all these veterans don't get a benefit from it. They were all retiring. So they really selfishly did it for the gals.

Selflessly did it for the gals. Yeah. And it's just incredible. What is the number? Do we know now? There's lots of speculation online. It sounds like they were earning about $15 to $20 an hour beforehand. So they would only get about $ dollars a game, which is insane. So they got 400% on that It's now a livable salary basically. So they if they wanted to just be a full-time cheerleader They could yeah, because they do they train like all day. Would you put that on your immigration form cheerleader? We're just because they'd let you in because you're hot

Dallas Cowboy cheerleader might be too long, there's not enough boxes. DCC. Or it's just America's Sweetheart. I'd let them in. Yeah. What's the tax code? Yeah, hourly for practice was $15 an hour before this, and then you get a flat fee for shows, $100 it was.

What? That's insane. A rookie, so your first year you make a hundred bucks to perform. I mean, you do better being a comedian doing seven minutes at the bloody classic. You know, telling jokes that might bomb and die. You know, oh my God, that's terrible.

Well, that's good that they've done that now. I'm gonna get into this, because one of my favourite trends that I love seeing on TikTok is, what's that thing that women go like, my biggest delusion is that I think after a couple of seven year long bonks, I could do the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders signature dance and there's all these women like a bit drunk being like, oh wow, oh wow, oh wow, oh wow, oh wow. I have definitely filmed myself just being like, how high can it kick? Yeah, shockingly low.

Shockingly low. Do you know how badly you can injure yourself trying to high kick when you can't high kick? So many of these women end up with like hip replacements, knee replacements, like they screw themselves over. Well, because their signature move at the end of this is the high kick line and then they jump and they all land in a split. That's their thing. Oh, that's war.

Cause I think I can keep up with the choreo until the big jump split. Okay. At which point I will shatter a groin. Play ZM Spledgepoint in Hayley. This morning before the show, producer Shannon asked us if we'd ever considered eating a couch and we were like, of course not.

And we thought it might've been because her couch stopped being a couch and she might've been like do you guys want to eat this? Like how you get it out of that tiny apartment? We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Do you throw it off the balcony or do you eat it? And apparently the internet is talking about this so let's why we'll ask we'll ask.

It would be fools not to ask. Why did the internet want to know if people had ever considered eating a couch? Shannon? Yeah I don't, why did the internet want to know if people would ever consider eating a couch? Shannon. Yeah, I don't know, why does the internet want to know this? It was just this question of, if something isn't food, is there calories in this? Like if I was to eat a couch, if I was to eat a couch, would I first off get full,

but second off, would I gain weight from eating a couch? Because physically there's mass, but is there calories? If so, how much? I reckon the fluff would just go right through you. What's the protein content? I want to clog your right arm. Yeah, because you like, there's no protein, carbs or fat, which is what your calories are made up of.

But you're eating something. But you are filling up stomach space. But I don't think that your body would be able to convert it to energy, right? That's what calories are, right? They're a measurement of potential energy or energy. Like everything's got calories. Like the sun, you could measure its energy and calories.

Okay. I'm not gonna eat the sun, way too hot. Like a fajita. Yeah, like a faj sun is the sizzling fajita platter of the solar system. Where on earth is the butter chicken of the solar system? Did the internet have an answer of whether or not you would ingest any calories from eating a couch? Wait a minute, I want to play the game now of planets and the solar system for dishes. What would they be? Venus would be like hot. It would be a hot dish. Yeah.

Like maybe it, hmm. Neptune's a fruit salad and I don't know why, but you know what, I'm right on. Do you know what I mean? I'm feeling it. When you say Neptune's a fruit salad, you're like, yeah, it's cool, it's cold, got a lot of melon in it.

Uranus is a rolled. Don't say it the right way. Say it the funny way. Who do you think you are? You think you're so much better than us. He thinks he's better than us. Uranus. Uranus?

Uranus. Uranus. Your anus. This guy over here thinks he's some kind of astrologer. Yeah, I know. Well, I was gonna say Uranus is a real fruit ice cream. Oh, how dare you. No, Neptune's a fruit salad.

Neptune's a fruit salad. Uranus. Jupiter, it's the biggest one. Jupiter is. Pizza. Yeah, yeah, do you know what I nailed there? Yeah, yeah, I nailed that massive one of those New York style 18 inch pizzas.

Satin is onion rings. But it's not a hot pizza. It's like, next day pizza. Oh yeah, yeah, it's like, um, like McCain's, do you know what I mean? Just like a sort of a freezer pizza that you heat it up, you couldn't finish it all, and it's like, ugh.

Yeah, it's leftover, but it's pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the base is too thick. The base is too thick. It's a lot of dough. It's dough. It's doughy. And no matter how many times you cook it,

it's still dough. It's just doughy. It's a doughy. Wait, it's a doughy. Wait, so are we eating the couch or not? Yeah, so I found Mars. Mars is a burger. Mars is a burger. Mars is a burger.

What's Earth? Minced. Butter chicken. No, Earth is butter chicken. No, I think we're a minced ball. I think we're a minced ball. No, no, no. Oothy, brown.

Venus is a meatball. Venus is meatballs. No, Venus is too red to be that. No, but that's why I thought it was a saucy meatball. Venus is an M&M. Venus is a milk chocolate luscious. Venus is a meatball. Venus is a meatball. Venus is a meatball. Venus is a meatball. Venus is a meatball? Venus is meatball. No, Venus is too red to be that. No, but that's why I thought it was a saucy meatball. Venus is an M&M.

Venus is a milk chocolate Lindt ball. Yes, it's too hot. Yum. It's too close to the sun. It's a chili Lindt ball. It's a Swedish meatball. This is ridiculous in the first instance. Can you take it seriously please?

Mercury is hot and hard. What is hot and hard, but also a food? You stop it. Thank you for clarifying, also a food. Like a, like a gumball? No, cause it's got a, it's got a, like a spicy something. It's gotta have a bit of spice to it. Oh no, okay, they're being rude.

Oh are they? You've got to read first. They said Uranus is a sausage roll. And then they said you know why. I don't know if I do know why. I think if your anus looks like a sausage roll, you might need to see someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get up in the bloody stirrups there.

Now are we eating Shannon's couch today or what? Because there are zero calories in the couch. So I'm trying to plan, you're planning today. Oh, mercury is a jalapeno popper, somebody said. That's what it is. That's really good. I like the idea of that, bit of crunch on the trying to plan, you're planning today. Oh, mercury as a jalapeno popper. That's what it is. I like the idea of that, bit of crunch on the outside actually. Thank you 640, you actually great. Are we eating the couch? Is that Techs of the Wake? Oh easy. Calm down birthday boy.

Jesus. Pump the price. Frying an all cylinders. Are we eating your couch? To summarise, there are no calories in a couch, but there is mass to the couch so your stomach would get full, but you're not meant to eat couches. Okay, Jesus. To summarise.

Wow, okay, you're not meant to eat couches, thank you. Just in case you were about to. No, if you've just tuned in, PSA from Fledge, Florent Ailey, don't eat your couch. Don't eat your carrot. Because there was this big deep dive about beavers that I fell down. Okay, we can't.

Shannon, we've only got a limited amount of time. Oh, sweet god, 493 message in. That's Text of the Week, but we can't read it out. Well, you can't award Text of the Week if it can't be read out. Yeah, no, that can't be read out. That can't be read out. Okay. Naughty.

Pluto is... Insert naughty thing here. Yeah, because you eat it, but it's not really food. That's pretty good. Venus is a laksa, someone else said. Yes, and I can see Venus is a laksa. Yeah, I can see that as a laksa. Warm, sort of red, but like not terrifying. Venus is a laksa, which is also a song from one of my Rock Quest bands. Yes, good for you. This is our next song, Venus is a lark's-a. Play ZM's Fletch, Bourne and Haley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Bourne and Haley. Want to talk now about those one-liners or those jokes that you use in your job at work every day Maybe you're dealing with your go-to's you go to funny lines Why anyone talk about this? So this happened at the weekend went out for dinner and Went walked in and said I'll go to booking and the guys like Okay, come with me long walk to your table And it was the table right next to the door. It was like a metre away. It was a metre away. I was like, ha ha ha!

Good from you. Bit of a hike. I like your banter. Hope you packed a day, babe. And then as dinner was happening, because we were right by the, what do you call that, front desk? Not a restaurant. The concierge. The concierge, the maitre d'…

The concierge, the maitre d'… I don't know. The maitre d'… station or whatever you call it at a restaurant. The concierge, the maitre d. The concierge, the maitre d station or whatever you call it at a restaurant. Like it was maybe 15 minutes later and we just ordered and these people come in and he's like, okay, follow me, long walk to the table. I was like.

You're like your son of a bitch. I was like, that was our joke. That was a joke that you used for us. And then he continued to do it two other times And we were just like to I was like to my friend. I was like, did you hear that? He's recycling Recycling the go-to joke that he must use every day. Oh, and I mean, I liked the joke It was very funny because the table was very close. Who do you think got the best delivery?

It was very similar. It was very well practiced. Right. So I'm saying he's been rocking this for as long as he's worked there. Yeah. Oh, 100%. And that's what made me think that if this was your job, you would just always use these lines because they're funny. They hit, they kill.

They hit, they work. Shannon's got a stellar one. This is when you were a waitress. Yeah. When I was a waitress, I used to whip out, every time we would give out like muscles or anything and you'd give them a bowl of hot water with lemon in it to, you know, dip your fingers in. I like it sometimes when you get ribs or something. Yeah, wings, yeah.

I would always bring it out and be like, this one's on the house, soup of the day. Oh god. Except one time someone drank it. I've seen people drink the... Yeah. Yeah, I've seen people do that. The lemon finger soup. Yeah, but that one always got me a laugh and a tip.

They got the vibes. And that's the thing, if you're in a service industry, you've got to come up with the funnies because you want the tip. I plumb a message in saying I always say when I finish a job, almost like I know what I'm doing. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Far out, almost like I know what I'm doing. This, yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's Trades. That's a good one. Far out, almost like I know what I'm doing. This is what I want people to text in.

9696, you can call as well, 0800 DALSATM. What is your go-to one-liner or joke that you use with customers or at work every day? Great. Great, they're so cringe. Right now, we wanna know from you, your go-to one-liner, your funny jokes that you use on customers or at work every day.

Maybe on repeat, because they're, you know, you know you get a laugh. You know they work. Plenty of them. There's some good ones. I sell camo gear at hunting and fishing, and I'll be like, no, I'll hunt on the camo gears around here somewhere.

Oh, I'd appreciate that. I would appreciate that. That'd crack me up. That's good stuff. Oh shit, this rack used to have heaps of stuff on it. You've gotta wait until the people that you've just used at OnClear out of the store, because it would be embarrassing if they were still there

and someone else came in. That was your issue, wasn't it? That was my issue, was that he was using them in AirShot. He needs a rotation of four or five different jokes. Yeah. Oh, long walk to the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hope you got your walking poles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hope you got your walking poles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we need some variation. Have you got your boarding pass? Bit of a, you know, bit of a trip to the ta- These are all good. I'm gonna email one. Yeah, maybe DM.

Maybe I'll email the restaurant. DM the restaurant. Someone said, I had IVF. I turned up to the egg harvest surgery and my doctor said to me, and you brought your eggs with you? It was a very well-practiced line, but it made me laugh.

Right. Jess, what is the one-liner that you use every day at work? More than a team. So I'm a phlebotomist. So obviously my job creates a bit of anxiety. So usually when I've got a male in the chair, I quite often just as I put the needle in, say small scratch. That's just a normal thing that most phlebotomists will say.

And when it's a gentleman, I usually, once the needle's in, I usually say, I say small scratch, because I can't say small prick anymore. Little prick. I know, they don't let me call you a little prick anymore. Oh my God, great. That worked, see, I laughed, that was good.

I say small scratch, because I'm not allowed to say little prick. Who is better in your, cause the phlebotomist for those that don't know, you'd take the blood, don't you? Who's better with the needles, men or women? Oh, women. Women, yeah.

For sure, women. Better at playing around. I don't know, wimps are the best. I always look away and they're always like, are you okay? Yes. And then you're like, don't ask me, I'm gonna get dizzy.

I'm fine. I just feel upset. Yes, thanks you, Cole. Brittany, what is the one-liner And then you're like, don't ask me, I'm going to get dizzy. I'm fine. I just feel upset. Yes, thanks, Hugh Call. Brittany, what is the one-liner that you use at your job? Good morning. I am a nurse. And when I do a bladder scan, and I quite frequently, like an 80-year-old man around that age, I kind of say I'm just finding out, I've got to have a boy or a girl.

Of course. Yeah, that's nice. That's good. Love that. But then I do remember, what are those people called? Ultrasound. Ultrasound people, when we've talked about this before, they hate when guys are like, oh, tell me if it's a boy or a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if you're doing it, it's kind of better. Yeah, I think so. It works well. They normally laugh and they normally say what they want. Or they say, I don't want another one right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God no. God no, God.

The other three have bloody killed me. They've abandoned me. I don't want another one right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God no. God no, God, the other three have bloody killed me. I've abandoned, mate. I don't even call anymore. Brittany, thank you. Some messages in. My son was born with one kidney and the pediatrician said to us when we found out, look, in short, he'll live an ordinary life but will be a terrible kidney donor. That's good stuff.

I like that. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm an English teacher, so naturally when a student asks me if they can go to the toilet, I reply, I don't know, can you? God, yeah. Every single time as a teacher. What's it turning to be a smart ass? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm hungry, I'm highly hungry.

I'm in the police and when it comes to fingerprinting, I get to the middle finger and I said, and this is the one time you're allowed to flip the bird at me and get away with it. Oh yeah. Works every time, always gets a little smile from someone you're fingerprinting. Yeah, always got and get away with it. Oh yeah. Works every time, always gets a little smile from someone you're fingerprinting. Yeah, always get to lighten the mood of a criminal.

Yeah. Being caught for... My coworker always says, look, I'll give you a receipt so you don't look like the world's most brazen shoplifter. That's what they say at their work in retail. Oh yeah, that's good. That's good stuff. I love, I'm a teacher and when I say,

see you tomorrow to my colleagues, we'll always say, maybe. And then we all laugh because we know that we'll all see each other tomorrow, hashtag no sick days. Yes, good. Okay, keep your texts coming in, 9696, 0800 DALSATM, those one liners that you always use at work for customers. Talking about those one liners and your go-to jokes

that you always use on customers. I love that so many of them are coming in You've got to pick the customer though. That's what I'm saying One-liner I use at work, but you got to pick you got to pick your audience For example, I work in a bottle store and when the customer is deciding between on one or two of something I say better to be safe than sober Obviously read the room though. If someone's a problematic drinker, you probably just Just just just take the one. Yeah

a problematic drinker you're probably just trying to... Yeah. Just to take the one. Yeah. Just the one. I work with an animal feed shop. Most of the people are women buying food for their horses when they try to lift a 25 kg bag of food. They say, oh Jesus.

And I say, no, no, no, you can just call me Mike. Oh, I love that. Always gets a giggle. Yeah, good, good. Always gets, I'm a nurse. I had to inject local anesthetic before small skin surgeries. I used to keep a massive long needle

next to the tiny needles. We actually used the tiny needles to inject the patient, but I'd turn around and I'd be shaky with the giant needle. I said, I shouldn't have had so much coffee. You can't do that. Oh my God, I'd pass out. I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Once they crapped themselves, I'd pull out the tiny needle

and they have no qualms about the injection because the needle's so much smaller. But again, you gotta pick your patient. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Once they crap themselves, they pull out the tiny needle and they have no qualms about the injection because the needle's so much smaller. But again, you gotta pick your patient. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one? I work with helicopter pilots and whenever they take passengers on a scenic flight, you can guarantee the passenger will ask,

how long have you been flying helicopters for? And their reply is always, well, it's my first day. Oh, yep. Yeah. That's a classic. Some people take it better than others. Again, you gotta pick your people. Get me down.

I work at Just Jeans, and when someone comes in and says, they're just looking for jeans, I say, oh bugger, we're completely sold out. Okay, that's good, that's good. That's really good. You had one job, Just Jeans. But I don't think we've got any left.

God, no, actually weirdly we've got sold out. Oh, I don't have customers. I work with my dad and my husband and my one loaner is F you guys. Oh. I work in space operations for the New Zealand Defence Force. When people ask me how's space?

I reply, it's great, but there's no atmosphere. Okay, that's good. That's good, I like that. Look at how much comedians. I'm a veterinary nurse and when I discharge surgical patients, I remind their owners they can't operate heavy machinery due to the painkillers. Oh, that's so good!

That's really good. I love that. That's really good. I used to work in a restaurant that solid stone grills. Oh, like when you get you've got to cook your own steak. Yeah. Yeah. And you pay more for it.

Yeah, weirdly they've given you the job that you are paying them to do and you're paying more for the experience. Yeah. Yeah. And you pay more for it. Yeah. Weirdly, they've given you the job that you're paying them to do and you're paying more for the experience. Yeah. So you tossed a raw slab of meat on this and I'm being charged 45 bucks. The stone's going to be crazy hot. I'd ask how everything is and then they'd always say cook to perfection. Even though they hadn't cooked to perfection. Because they had to cook to themselves. Yeah. Some other messages in...

Oh, so we've been corrected on the English Teacher One. When they said, can I go to the toilet? It's a grammar joke. The correct question would be, may I go to the toilet? Oh, come on. Okay. But we understood the word to pay. Do you know what I mean? And someone said, Mike's full of shit, I'm a horse girl and I fling around 25kg bags. Oh wow! Sounds like Mike's met his match.

You've been told. Play ZM's FletchBorn and Hayley. Yesterday I flew home from Sydney and I got on the flight and I saw there was two flight attendants, Air New Zealand flight, two flight attendants. A flight attendant in the uniform that we know, it's Trillis isn't it? Trillis, it's Trillis, it's my girl Trillis. It's your girl Trillis. It's my girl Trillis, just the one that we've had for ages and we know there's a new uniform coming. Yes. And then there was a second flight attendant who was in a completely unrecognisable uniform and I didn't clock. Like track pants, track pants.

Yeah and like a hoodie and she had like sun uniform and I didn't clock. Like track pants, track pants. Yeah, and like a hoodie, and she had like sunnies and a beanie and stuff. A real reflection of New Zealand. Yeah. Yeah, finally. That's what I wanna see, an airline that does a real casual uniform. That reflects the people.

Yeah, yeah. Some warehouse sweet pants. Some Birkenstock clogs. With socks. With socks. Or just Crocs and Socks. Crocs and Socks. Power optional.

Yeah. Hoodie or a crew neck. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And a nice AS color t-shirt when it gets warm. Yeah. Hair in a scrunchie.

Yeah. Not a drop of makeup. Love it. Fingernails chipped. That's what I wanna say. Yeah. It's about the people. No, it was just completely unrecognizable.

And I thought maybe because it's a busy airport, that it was, you know how sometimes at the check-in counters overseas, they'll have airport staff in different uniforms running the counter or something. Yeah, it'll be a different airline, but they check in your flight. Yeah, because they're busy or something like that.

So that's what I thought it was, I just didn't even think about it. Well, maybe there was a, like, you know, when you were at high school and you'd do a billet exchange. They're doing an exchange. Yes, and you used to go and live their life. Yeah, yeah. It was sort of weird.

Maybe they were doing like an exchange. I just didn't think any more of it. Okay. Then I went to my seat, 28F. Cause I changed my flight. All right. And so it was all full and so yeah. All right, so you got popped down the back.

Well it was nice to return to my roots. Yeah, yes. Cause I'm a seven and up. Do you know what I mean? You're a seven and forward. Seven and forward. Yeah, gotcha. People that went to private school

don't know what it's like. It's a whole new world back there. Yeah. Whole new world. There's another door back there, but it just doesn't get used. No, very seldom is it used. Certainly wasn't yesterday.

It could be used every time, but they just like people back there. Yeah. To be reminded on that slow drudge back up to that front door that that piece is a shit. Do you know, so I landed, right, we landed and they got the thing from the pilot, you know, the front door was open or whatever. And then I just didn't move for ages. I was still there. I was on there for at least another 15 minutes. And I was like...

Wow. Did you say, excuse me, I went to private school? I said, excuse me, I've got kuru. I've got kuru. I was yelling k for at least another 15 minutes. Yeah. And I was like. Wow, did you say, excuse me, I went to private school? I said, excuse me, I've got kuru. I've got kuru. I was yelling kuru at the back. Kuru stuck at the back. Wait, how? Did you yell out forward? Like in that Spider-Man movie when he's sore

and the crowd are just like, who's our hero, pass him forward. Yeah. Well, no, I didn't. Anyway, but when they came over the intercom at some point and said, now we are trialling the new Air New Zealand uniforms. That's what it was.

Oh, okay, right. It was one of the flight attendants out of, I don't know, four had the new uniform on, where you'd feel a bit silly. And they were just trialling it, like putting it out there and I guess giving it a bit of a wear and spin. Did she like spill a bit silly. And they were just trialing it, like putting it out there and I guess giving it a bit of a wear and wear in. Did she like spill a bit of coffee onto it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sweating in a bit. Passenger vomit on her. Yeah. Just to see how it kind of does it go off the fabric, does it soak in. Yeah, yeah, totally, just sort of, that's what they said, it was like a trial, like a breaking in period.

Oh, okay. So it's not just gonna go boom, like this. And then there's some feedback, I guess, of that if it doesn't wear. Yeah, I feel like it was uncomfortable here or like a breaking in period. So it's not just gonna go boom like this. And then there's some feedback I guess of the, if it doesn't wear. Yeah, if you're like it was uncomfortable hair or I felt a bit restricted here or something like that. But it was, it was one of the new purple dresses

from the new design. Oh okay. Did it look good? I think we'll have an adjustment period. Okay. You know, we sort of go, oh. Yeah, that's what everyone in. No, exactly.

Nobody likes change. Anyway. The public. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good, like great, it was great. Anyway, by the time I came off this flight, which to reiterate, from the back, Yeah, wow.

far out took, honestly, minutes. Wow, do you wanna like do a GoFundMe or something? Cause you seem like you've been really put out by this. Yeah, I actually, yeah, I was put out. A private school girl sitting in the back of the plane. And I was like, oh my God, someone ring a head to the valet. If you could spare a dollar, go to Hailey's GoFundMe. What I was, I was trying to get hold of the valet

that would have had my car waiting for me. And I was like, god, I need to let them know I'm running so behind. You know it's just a private, it's just a public car park where you leave your car. No, it was valet, it was valet. They handed it to me. Right, okay.

Anyway, so I get to airport finally and what did I do? I was mucking around. I was dousing myself in Tom Ford. Free Tom Ford. As you must do. I was getting all the clothes so that it could like stay on the clothes for a while. You opened up your carry-on spray to close. Just lay everywhere. Anyway, so I get to the little biosecurity bit where they first look at your passport and then either give you that fast track thing before you get your bag. Yes.

And once you've got it, you can go fast track or through the thing. Love that, yeah. And there was an old mate, I would say he was like, maybe like late, like early 70s. Yep. And there's the woman standing there with her biosecurity uniform on and she's going, yep, lane four, lane two,

lane one to everyone. And he gets up, he's like, bloody hell, you've got an easy job, don't ya? And she just looks at him and was like, very politely, like, wow, no, not always that easy. Yeah, stopping drugs and biosecurity hazards coming into the country. Protecting, I guess our country.

Anyway, she goes, well, not always easy. And he goes, a bloody three year old could do what you're doing. And she goes, lane four. I was like, the restraint on this woman. A bloody, he literally said without, like not a filter, a bloody three year old. Old mates don't think, do they? And he was sort of, you know, like, a bloody three year old. Old mates don't think do they?

And he was sort of, you know, like, we're having a laugh. I was like, that's so insulting. Imagine, a bloody three year old could do what you could do. Because I'd imagine she's on a rotation of doing all sorts of jobs in that area. Yeah, totally. And just at that moment, she was the, just traffic controller of sorts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keeping it flowing. I know. Have they thought about maybe using three year olds? Could be cheaper. Well, oh mate, yeah, because apparently they'll be able to. That's why I poise. Kids like, Lane 4. Yeah. Wayne Fwee. I'm Fwee. There's only Fwee Waynes because I don't know any numbers above Fwee. I'm Fwee. We're going to be going down Lane 3 because you know how three year olds love to tell to tell you they're three. I'm free. One, two, three, four.

Lane three, lane three. Anyway, I apologise to that woman. I kinda was, because I was behind her, but when I saw her to get to the lane, I was gonna be like, oh my god, are you kidding? But then she was like, lane four, I was like, get me the hell out of here. I've been stuck in 28F, I just wanna leave.

Spare a thought for those at the back of the plane guys. The whole new world. I just don't know if anybody will. The whole new world. Wow, she's really had a humbling. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. This, this, I don't know why I just like read this article and was like, oh my god. Yes

No wonder this is called a trap the catch-up trap why your adult friendships kind of suck Now is the article I read on the every girl comm and it is Basically, you we have these friends. We like oh my god. We've got a catch-up. Yep. We should catch up Hey, we should catch up and and sometimes you have friendships where that never even happens. And for me, I'm like, wean them out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, they've kind of gone from friends. We say it, but we're not gonna do it. They've kind of just slipped out of your orbit and they're more acquaintances now. But that is not even the catch up trap that I'm talking about. The catch up trap is when you have those friends that you're like, we need to catch up, we need to catch up.

You finally get something in your calendar to catch up. And the reason your friendship sucks now is because that time is so limited and so far and few between, that when you're together, all you do is catch up and then there's no time to create new memories. And that's why that friendship feels like it's just not getting any better.

See, even though I've seen you twice this year and we've had a really good catch up, why is the friendship not feeling like a value anymore? We're not creating any new memories. That's a great point. It's so true, right? Which is like you can finally find a couple of hours in your busy life, maybe you'll come over,

we'll have a drink, or we'll go out for dinner, but you spend the whole time in retrospect, this is what I've been doing, this is what I've been doing. Right. This is what you've been doing. Yeah. And this is a shared memory. Remember that time?

You never got those friends you like literally live in the past. You would be better if you want this friendship to happen and you want to keep it. You'd be better to make new memories by doing something cool or inviting them to something. Yeah. Yeah. Like doing something that's not just catching up. And then I go like, maybe if this is a friendship that you're like, oh, do I really wanna keep it growing?

Like, do you need to catch up on all of it? Or do you know what I mean? Or you just go like, oh man, I've been busy, let's not even talk about it, let's go do something. Yeah, love that. Let's go on an adventure or a spontaneous experience. But when you're caught in the catch-up trap, that's it, that's all you've,

the tiny amount of time you have for this friend. And then it does make you think, like what's the point of this? Think about what's the point of not creating new memories. Yeah. I guess they're not really friends anymore. Like they are, but they're not.

They are, but you're just catching up. Yeah. And it's just busy calendars. But I feel like that happens as you get older, people just kind of slip out of your orbit. Yeah. And you just move on. And you just have a quality amount of friends.

I'm not trying to be like, just cut them loose because what's the point? But you're just like, you just got to be aware when you're caught in the catch up trap with someone and I'm like, how much value? The catch up trap. Because it's a waste of time, right? It's actually a waste of time.

We are not. I mean, it is nice to catch up with these people. It is nice to catch up and see what people have been doing, but I get what you're talking about. Well, it's when you're going like, if you're fine with that, then that's fine. We can catch up a couple of times a year. Catch up. But they're trying to explain like,

that's why you feel like this friendship kind of sucks. Or like that you're just like, oh, yeah. It's not actually adding anything new to my life. Probably why you said, let's catch up 20 times before you actually caught up. Yeah. You know when you run into people, you must catch up. Yeah.

We must catch up. So there's like, they were saying, instead of if you're caught in this catch up trap and then you're like, oh, we're not actually creating new memories, but you do need to catch up. Oh my God, I haven't asked about this. Haven't asked about this.

Do it while doing something. Absailing. Get in the bush. Rock climbing. Jump out of a plane. Yep, yep. How's your mom? You know.

She's dead! I'm so sorry! She died last month. I missed that! It was a parachuting accident! What? This is a terrible idea, I wouldn't have done it if I was going!

The same guy packed her parachute and packed yours! I'm feeling triggered right now! But you've created new memories. That's a big memory. So that's a great memory. Pull the chute to check! Yeah yeah yeah. I pulled it too early!

Play ZM's Flashlesh, Fawn and Hayley. Fact of the Day, Day, slipping into the future. Lots of songs about time. What are you, are you just going to do watches or like clocks? I'm going to tell you about a type of clock, the atomic clock. The atomic clock, these clocks are so incredibly accurate. They're only off by one second every 100 million years. Sometimes when I see a clock that's off,

like sometimes at the gym, they'll be five minutes off or two minutes off. I'm like, no, no, no, no, we've got to be on time. Is that right, Fletch? What? Is that right? You're so, it's annoying when clocks aren't right. Okay. This guy stayed at his house last weekend.

He just got one of those clocks on the walls. Not on, it's not even on. Well, we're going to replace the battery. What's the bloody point? Is that even strong? The battery? I'm going to do the battery. Because I've got a clock that's strong. I bought that years ago.

I bought that lovely clock with the date and everything. And it used to go click, click, something broke. And it doesn't work anymore. So if anybody knows anybody that fixes those, that'd be really great. But haven't you been trying to get a fix for years? So just get on Taymoon and buy another one for 10 dollars. This guy buys a clock for 10 dollars, he's like, it's not working.

No, no, that clock was very expensive. Yeah, that's like an auntie one, right? Back in the day, yeah. It's like one of those ones they have in the bank, where it says the day, the only thing you've got to manually change is the year every year. Okay.

And whenever it's in the background, if I put up an Instagram story and it's in the background, people are like, your clock's wrong. I'm like, you say no, thank you. Yeah. But when I go somewhere, like, it's like, that's my house. That doesn't matter. But when I'm in a public place,

if you're displaying a clock in public place, you've got a duty to keep that clock on time. The clocks you're describing are obviously not connected to a UTC protocol. This is Coordinated Universal Time. It's the global time standard used for internet and communication systems. Which is why all of our watches and phones

within milli milli milli milli seconds. Right now it's 833 and 13 seconds, 14 seconds. Yeah, on that we can agree. Yep. On that we can agree. On that we can agree. I agree. So the network time protocol is one of the oldest internet protocols still in use.

It was created in 1985 and it was about everything being connected to the internet, having a universal and synced up time. So that when Ticketmaster release those tickets at 11am, bingo, it's 11am. Bingo, we're all going. Or your time zone. But don't wait for a.m. Bingo. It's 11 a.m. Or your time zone. But don't wait for 11.

I refreshed just before. I refreshed just before and I'm waiting from 10.45. Yeah, 100%. Because when I'm not, boy. Yeah, give it a little. And I'm logged in with my details. I'm logged in with my details. Now, I'm logged in.

You'll remember that I said that these clocks are so accurate, these atomic clocks, they lose one second every 100 million years. Well, there are now new types of atomic clocks called optical lattice clocks. Now I read about them. Are they Latinos? No, lattice is like the top of a...

A lattice. A lattice is on the top of a pie. Apple pie. That's the exact like it too. Or a trellis, like a trellis. Like a trellis. Yeah, like a garden trellis. Now I read about how these work

and I did not understand a word of it because I'm a thicle and I didn't do science from fifth form on. Don't talk about my friend like that. Don't be so hard on yourself. You went to a public school in Morriffal. Yeah, that's not your fault. That's your mum and dad's fault.

You actually turned out okay. I didn't do too bad, eh? Actually not half bad. They use atoms, I'll give you a little bit. And you two can feel like you're wildly uneducated. They use atoms like strontium or ybitium. Oh yeah. Because they are-

I'm just gonna check my birthday messages. Very stable energy train. Yeah you do that. I'm bored. Yeah, okay. And I don't understand. These atoms are held in place by a laser egg crate which prevents them from moving.

A what? A laser egg, a laser egg crate, the optical lattice. Lattice. Lattice. Is held there. Instead of using microwaves like a traditional atomic clocks, optical lattice clocks, lattice clocks, use visible or near visible light,

which oscillates 100,000 times faster. And so it has 100,000 times more accuracy. So that's why it's over 15 million. That's, feels complicated. Whose job was it to figure this out? You know what I mean? I decided to tell jokes for a living. This person's like, I'm gonna work on a

egg carton of lettuce. Good messages? To make sure we never lose time. So today's fact of the day is that all of our internet devices are connected to a single coordinated universal time so everybody's internet devices are within milli milli milli seconds of each other. Fact of the day day day day day. So a great survey across a lot of dating apps asking people how is dating in 2025 for those

on the apps. We will keep hearing about app exhaustion. And what's the overwhelming answer horrible? Suck! Yeah. Just like a lot of dead ends, a lot of people being ghosted, a lot of people looking for serious things

and lots of the apps that started as dating apps have become very casual and people just look for one thing. Tinder being that. Bumble even kind of turning that way. I saw Tinder the other day, somebody was overseas and they sent a screenshot into the group chat. They've launched double dates.

Oh yeah, cute. So you could go with your friend. Oh that's cute. And then find another two. Oh that's cute. But also I wondered if it was for couples as well. Like swingy. Yeah, it kind kinda gave that vibe

but maybe it's not for that. But yeah, apparently it's a new, it was trialling but it's rolling out around the world. Well also Tinder's introduced the height filter thing that we've talked about a little bit. And so like our short kings are being like, people aren't even giving you a chance cause everyone just wants to know how tall are you,

how tall are you? Grim. Yeah. And then people going, having these great texts and messages through these things, going on these dates and having disastrous dates. It's cause their friends are messaging. Yeah.

Or AI was doing it. Yeah. I wanted to ask our lovely listeners, who I'm sure, I mean, we're basically in the middle of the year. Yep. Smack bang. How was dating in 2025 for you gone? And what was the worst moment of it so far?

Oh, okay. The worst? We had some shocking dates of 2025. Terrible interactions with these. Are we counting people in long-term relationships who had a terrible like date night? Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, if it went so badly. And he just fell asleep or. That's worth sharing. You it went so badly and he just fell asleep or I don't know.

That's worth sharing? You made a nice dinner and he just fell asleep? I don't know. I want to know like what was the what's the worst date you've been on in 2025 so far? Okay 0800DIALSATM we want to take your calls now text through 9696. Oh I want congratulations the person just texted and they've got their first boyfriend ever at age 23. So not going badly. But we didn't want the great stories, did we? Yes, sorry, that's a happy one. It's a happy one. We want like, what are the worst.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But happy for you. Yeah, very happy for you. But what we want to know right now is, like, what is the worst date you've had on 2025 so far? This is my favourite. Worst date? Pick me up, got lost trying to find the restaurant so we hadn't planned how we're getting there. Got there, he hadn't actually made a booking so we ended up at Macca's and he didn't even pay.

Yum though. I'm not mad at nuggies, I'll even pay for my own nuggies. But for a first date. He might have been going to pay and then she was like, yeah I'll get a quarter pounder and a filet-o-fish. Got a primary and a secondary. Yeah primary and he's like, A you've pushed quarter pounder and a filet-o-fish. Got a primary and a secondary. Yeah, primary and he's like, A, you push the budget up and B, filet-o-fish.

It's the elite. It is the elite. So one of our listeners, by the way, sent me a DM. They were in Canada where they do a filet-o-fish rap at McDonald's over there. And they showed me and I was like. No, but that's you missing it in the steamed bun. No, but the fresh fish with some lettuce and tartie.

He said he's going to try to bring one back for me. What a journey that's going to take. Yeah, what are you going to read? Something to declare? Make your own. Yes, a filet-o-fish wrap. So yeah, I go get a filet-o-fish burger. Yeah, or just some nice...

No, that's just a fish wrap. Ooh, just... Can can we when as a child man I gobbled fish fingers yeah me too I've got a little fussy about my snap frozen crumb fish yeah I like to eat whole fish Yes, I would love to. I'm sorry we all don't have a million dollars. Yeah, shame, I'm gonna bring snapper. No, I'm gonna, yeah, fill out, can I fill out first? Right. Or either way, this obviously wasn't a great day.

No. A date for this person. Yeah. So sick of dating apps, I got rid of them and I know I'm just raw dog in the real world, which also sucks. Yeah. Oh no. Nice and relax, oh, this is just a bad date. Oh yeah. Um, nice and relax.

Oh, this is just a bad date. Oh yeah. We had a post birthday couples massage and we had to come back and find that a bus had tried to sneak in between a car and our car. Oh no. And it had written off our car. Terrible date night, didn't make it to dinner.

My date said he'd pick me up and take me out to dinner and he showed up on a push bike. How am I supposed to go? up and take me out to dinner and he showed up on a push bike. I got set up. Where am I supposed to go? He's done it. Handlebars or on that bar in the middle. Yeah, I'd say like a real lass. Like a 1920s London lass. So I'm all dressed up for this date and you turned up on a push bike. Got set up with this gorgeous girl through mutual friends.

Hello. Hello, now we're talking. Date went well. good banter. Got to the end of the night, went in for the kiss and she ate my face off. I'm not talking like a bit of tea. She was literally biting my lip continuously. Okay. Oh no, no, no.

Yeah, she thought it was hot, but she wasn't doing it the hot way. She needs to read the room. You read the room. They were throbbing the next morning with a rash. Oh my god, he got free lip filler. Yeah, like bite on the num num num num. Somebody said, my experience on the apps this year has just been more and more guys using AI altered images.

Like you meet them and you're like, that's not at all what I was missing. AI altered images. Yeah, just got a bit of a posh up. Oh yeah, smoothed out a few things, add a bit of a chiseled jaw that doesn't exist. So it's like Next level filters. Yeah. A good gosh, good golly, Miss Molly. Somebody else said they wanted to go,

this guy wanted to go on a date with them and he said, let's go to the movies. And she said, I don't really like going to the movies on the first date, because you don't get to talk. Yeah, that's a good point. And he said, well, it's- Side by side. And he said, well, it's movies movies or nothing and then they didn't go.

Movies or nothing! Imagine if someone was like. And they went for nothing. Oh wait we need to set him up with Pash Raj because that's clearly what he just wants to be bitter. He wants to be bitter. And hooking up or not. He wants to be hooking up with the movies. Yeah. I just love I'd love to take you on a date. Okay that that'll be great. What should we do? Movies? Nah, what about something else? Movies or nothing? Movies or nothing?

Wow, it's tough out there, guys. It is, isn't it? See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm gonna have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Susie Cato is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action,

that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars, if she does the the same for this podcast and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening maybe give it give it five stars as well. Play ZM's FletchBorn and Hayley.