ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - May 15th, 2025

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Concert economics Virgin news! Top 6 Types of people that left NZ in March Beaded keychains are back Kim K a new show and her court case SLP - Are you an early bird or a night owl? Brad Burgers at Maccas Hayley's Cafe poor ettiquette What do you practice when you're alone? Vaughan's T Shirt Youtube to cracking down on fake trailers Fact of the Day What did you do without telling your partner?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Flesh, Worn and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Flesh, Worn and Hayley. Thank you Bryn, good morning. Happy Thursday Flesh, Worn and Hayley. Thank you Bryn, good morning. Happy Thursday Fletchbourne and Hayley. Welcome to the show. Not Hapu, but I've got waves of nausea. Not pregnant.

Not prego. Are we sure about that? I mean I guess it's fair enough. Because this is normally when the sickness happens is in the morning. Yeah and it's going like this. Well so you haven't eaten. Yeah I did it's fair enough. Because this is normally when the sickness happens is in the morning. Yeah, and it's going like this. Well, so you haven't eaten. Yeah, I did forget to eat yesterday. I ate breakfast.

Not a problem I ever seem to have. You've always got food on board. I have food here ready because I get hangry. So I know that I must have food available at all times within arm's reach. I know. Will you get hangry because I've actually depleted your food stores? I know I have given Hayley some of my food. Yeah, he gave me

kiwi fruit. She didn't eat the skins either. I know. She didn't eat the skins of the golden kiwi fruit. I know they're good for you, it's just not the vibe. Cleans you out. It's good for your guts. It's like a little brush. Yeah, a little brush. A little bristle brush. A little bristle brush. Through the colon.

Yeah. Coming up on the show this morning, 8 o'clock, Add to Cart returns. I'm actually listening at 8 after the news for that very first item. We've got the top six on the way. Loads more New Zealanders. Dude. Especially young New Zealanders leaving New Zealand. Brain drain straight across the Tasman.

I've got the top six types of people that left New Zealand in March. Apparently a very busy month for leaving the country. Next on the show, though, concert economics. People are working out how much their concert ticket is costing and then dividing by the number of songs and by the number of minutes of the concert. And in America, they've worked out the most expensive and the most cost-effective artists.

I'd be so interested to know Taylor Swift because she did so many songs in her concert. We've got concert economics for you next. It's sexy economics to start the show. This is hot. Hot stuff. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Well someone in America has worked out the concert economics and I've never thought

about going to see someone in concert and thinking I wonder how much I paid per song. You know neither. You never think about it right? You want a bushy set list. Oh, you want a great set list. Yeah. One of my favourite websites before and after a concert is setlist.fm.

Yes. And they will have all the tour stats of all the bands that are touring around the world and you can always get a basic set list so you know what you're going to hear. And if you're seeing a band that maybe you don't know some of the songs, you can kind of check it out and, you know, listen to some songs before.

Totally. And then most people will go on there and then make a playlist on whatever, you know. So they've worked out the most expensive and cost-effective artists. Now, the most premium artist is Lana Del Rey. She is the priciest concert performer. Per song. At $16.02 per song. God.

$16.02? Yeah. Used to get a whole album for that. Well, Charli XCX tops the per minute cost at $3.55. Oh, right. So she's the costliest per minute. But she's got shorter songs. Shorter songs.

She gets more in. Cranks the mountain. Gets off the's got shorter songs, so she cranks. She gets more in. Cranks them out. Gets off the stage. I'm on board. Keep talking. Keep talking to me, baby. These stats.

I like these stats. Out of all the bands that they looked at, Oasis generated the most revenue per song at $858,000 with nightly earnings of $17.16 million across their reunion tour shows. Isn't that insane? Holy hell. Stadiums every night. Budget con...

But I remember people were forking it a lot for Oasis because they've come out of retirement. They were never going to perform. And you're never going to see them again. And they know they can charge you an absolute premium. Yeah, and it'll sell. Budget conscious fans get the best value from Ed Sheeran at just 91 cents per minute.

Usher is the best per song at $3.76. Have you seen him performing, though? It's so cringe. It's so cringe. It's quite icky, yeah. It's quite icky. So the full table, Lana Del Rey, she only performed 15 songs. She did a, I think it was seven.

She did a tour recently. It was only like seven shows. But she charged quite a bit. Because I think she was like, well, I'll just do a few and charge a lot. How much did she charge? So her cost per minute was $2.90, but per song was $16.02. That's per person? Yeah, so each person in that,

or no, for the ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what I'm saying is how much was she per minute? Per minute, she is $2.90. So she's $2.90 per minute per person. Yes. And there's 10,000 people there.

That's a great hourly rate. There were some stats here about how much she made just with her seven shows. It was like insane. Good Lord. But yeah, this article is massive. Next on the list, Lady Gaga, 23 songs performed. She's at $2.47 a minute and $13.97 per song.

Now, Producer Carwin, you're off to sea. You've got tickets for the Sydney. I do. Melbourne. Sorry, Melbourne. Oh, yeah. She's a Melbourne girl. I love Melbourne.

Now, how much have you worked out from your ticket price based on who recent shows how much you're paying? Yeah, so after fees and conversion, because obviously it was Aussie dollars, I've paid $2.83 for honestly quite up the top tickets in the seating. But that's alright. It's not a big stadium. She's in the room.

Her tour's doing about 23 songs. So what I've worked out is I'll pay about $12-ish per song. And then $2.50 per minute. Easy. Okay. That's better than America. I've spent worse money. Totally. I also did my Taylor ticket okay

because I paid a bit more because how many songs did she do in the heiress tour yeah and Taylor's Taylor's left off this graph but I think it's because she stopped touring last year

yeah and also maybe it's one of those things where it's like she does way more than anyone would ever do so yeah

it doesn't count but I paid about 380 for my best ticket which was like one section back from touching her. And you had a pillar in front of you? No, no, no, I didn't. No, I had amazing-

Remember when she was selling those tickets so you couldn't see it? Reduced view or whatever it was, yeah. Or anyone that was standing behind Ross at the concert. Yeah, yeah, true. So she did 44 songs. Far out! Wow!

That's too much, that's too long. I've got a problem with concerts that are too long. Me too. Her run time is 195 minutes. Oh, get it. Okay, wow. That's amazing. Three hours. I'm just looking here at the biggest run time on this list would be Oasis, 151

and Beyonce, 148 minutes. Crazy. But so that works out that I paid about $8.60 per song. Yeah, that's bang for buck. Wow. And how many songs did she do, did you say? 44. Because Beyonce's doing 36.

And her per... How many of those are Disney's genre? God, you'd hope a few, eh? You'd want a few. Because otherwise... Ladies, if you're man at home, the club is full of ballers and their buckets full grown. And all you fellas, leave your car with your friends,

because it's 11.30 and the club is jumping, jumping. Yeah. We just want Destiny's Child songs, don't we? Honestly, could we just make this a Destiny's Child concert? In fact, could she do Nellie and Kelly? Oh, could she do Dilemma? I might as well get Nellie along as well. Could she do Dilemma?

Wait, do we have a festival? Mary's got the same size hands as me. She could do all of Kelly and Michelle's. Sorry. We digress. Okay, but what I was going to say is I think it's the best per minute cost because it's $1.90. Yeah, that's mean.

Yeah, that's really good. But it's 44 songs. Do you know what I mean? No, but you're a fan. You're a fan and you loved every single song. She could perform every single song and I would stand there. It's not Les Miserables. Do know, do you know what I mean? It's not bloody King Lear.

Well, yeah, I don't think we're going to be going to concerts the same now without dividing our ticket price by songs. Yeah. And thinking bang for buck. And you've put it in my head and I'm never going to be able to not do it. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. My brother and sister-in-law, they had hard wooden floors and their dog would skid all the time.

So they got those little like grippy booties. I can always go around and be like, how embarrassing for this dog. How embarrassing for you. But great for your floor. But great for the floors. Great for the floor. Now, I hit you with two pieces of virgin news.

And this is because there is a show that has come to Channel 4 which is like that kind of like cheap British they were the ones that did that one where the doors

come up and you get more nudah naked attraction more nudah more nudah that's what the show was called more nudah

analysing the genitals more nudah oh there's the balls yes I love that now what are we thinking there do we like an outie like that that's quite cute isn't she I love that. Now, what are we thinking there? Do we like an outie like that? That's quite cute, isn't she?

Yeah, like that. Yeah, that's a bit of me. Oh, my gosh. I don't know how people can go on that show. Oh, my gosh. What the f- I know. Is it just a scale thing?

Like, Britain's so much bigger than New Zealand that it's just a numbers game? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you probably- How many seasons? A lot of people got naked on that show. Yeah, a lot of people.

I think people would do it here in New Zealand, but. I believe from my time in TV. Yeah. That was a discussion. Really? Yeah, yeah,

yeah. And then they were like, you'll hit the amount of New Zealanders that are going to do it too soon and it'll get cancelled. So don't put the money into it. Okay. Well,

this TV show from C4 is called Virgin Island. Brings together 12 Brits between the ages of 22 to 30 who have not lost their virginity and they go on an intensive kind of intimacy workshop and course to get

over the things that are holding them back from losing their virginity. Now the internet's a bit divided because it's a very entertaining watch. I've watched some clips. Okay. And it's so awkward. It's so clunky. And we sort of love to watch that stuff.

Yeah. But at the same time, they're like, they're getting all these sex experts in there and talking about how, you know, they could hire someone to just get it done and help them with these things and people are like, oh, we're just making a kind of zoo out of these people. But then that's like any reality TV show. Yeah. Like people sign up and

they're... Yeah, it's a zoo. Yeah. So they're there for different reasons. Some of them just want to like rip it off like a band-aid. Some of them are so socially awkward that that's what's holding them back. Some of them have like body and I don't want people to look at my body but wait like are they on like some kind of villary island kind of camp so then what they're gonna go away and some of them are gonna do it yeah and then come back and talk about it for the first time on tv yeah yeah yeah oh they okay see maybe maybe you've found a reality show I'd watch. Yeah, and they kind of put them under this pressure

of like temptation. So try to get them like revved up. Wait, have they hired hot models that want to be famous? No, but they've hired like kind of beautiful people to come in and show off their bits a little bit and be like, this is what you would do. You know, it's quite a lot. It's quite a lot.

Anyway, the other little piece of virgin news I have here is apparently in 2025 there are more virgins than ever before, later in their later life. Well, the numbers are stacking up. The numbers are stacking up. People in their 20-somethings into their 30s. Is it because people aren't doing

a lot of social things now? Totally. We're more online? Yeah, we're more online. We're more disconnected than ever before. A lot of people staying in. Also, like, alcohol consumption's down

and so you're not getting a bit loose. And there was that movie that came out like 10 years ago with the vagina had teeth. To be honest, that put me off for a while.

Oh, yeah, what was that? Vagina something. Can you believe they made a movie where a vagina had teeth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that movie called? I never watched it.

What movie was it where a vagina had teeth? Oh, you're a huge fan. This guy loves... Oh, it was called Teeth. It was called Teeth, right. That's right. Dawn is a high school student

who after growing up next to a nuclear power plant finds she has developed a strange mutation, a vagina made of teeth. How did that get past the studio executive? That came out in 2007.

Oh my God. Vagina Dentata. That's it. Vagina Dentata. The ancient trope that's never happened. That was your Rock West name though,

wasn't it? Vagina Dentata. Oh yeah. All female. All female heavy metal band. Yeah, yeah. Vagina Dentata. Goth metal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So also they say because sex is that's another one for the calendar yeah we've decided we're going to do a calendar

of our fake rock west bands 2026 calendar is going to be a lot of fun they also say because sex is so available online people are getting

like I can just watch it here I can service myself I don't need to go out and seek intimacy I can just watch whatever I want and then before long

there'll be robots and so you know but then technically that's not on so I not losing your virginity if it's a robot. And then they're the sex robots. Oh, I'll be getting one. I'll be getting two. I'll be getting two. Do you know what I mean?

Wait, but do they clean out the house as well? Like, are they also a robot vacuum cleaner? Yeah, but then you're confusing. Because then it's sort of like they become a housewife. And then you might as well get married. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Then they start getting a bit mouth And then you've got, might as well get married. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Then they start getting a bit mouthy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you just turn them off at the wall. You just turn them off at the wall. Where are you? You know, what time are you home? None of your business. That kind of stuff. Shut up.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. From your local community Facebook page, this is the top six. New Zealand saw record numbers of people depart in March. Yeah, and it's a year-ending march. It's young Kiwis that are leading the brain drain. 30,000 departures at a record.

Oh, no. So, 120... Man, this was so close. This was literally so close to being a perfect number to leave the country. 123,256. It almost says 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. It says 1, 2, 3, 2, 5, 6. Should we bring some people back?

No, we've got to send more. We've got to send 20 more. No, 200 more. I'm pretty sure since these numbers were released, they would have left. Yeah, yeah, actually. I know, but it's just a shame. Now's kind of the time people go, though, for London and stuff as well, just before

summer. Yeah, because it's about to get summer, because I can't believe people would leave New Zealand on the back of a winter to move to Europe to experience a London winter. I mean, there's definitely lovely parts of Europe for winter, right? Now's kind of when people go. Have you seen London recently? Dude, it's, yeah. Oh, my God, all my friends being like, hey, London. Yeah.

Sunny, warm, beautiful. It's been lovely. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're bloody leaving in their droves. Good riddance. I don't mean it. I've got the top six types of people that left New Zealand.

Okay. In March. Number six on the list. People that'll be back by June. Do you reckon that'll be our friend Lovely James? No. I hope. I hope not.

And we'll go Well well well I miss him But I want him to be out there I want him to find his feet And find the world He did do that Thing a lot of people do They make jokes

About coming back So if it doesn't work out He's going to He's open It's open He's open to come back I hope he's not back by June No he won't be

He'll be back He'll do the summer He'll be fine He's going to have some fun On summer He's always having some fun today, isn't he? He is having some fun. What?

He's such a good boy. I'm just getting some sunshine. I love that fellow. Number five on the list of the top six types of people that left New Zealand in March. Bloody Capricorns. Such a Capricorn thing to do. Am I right? Such a Capricorn thing to do.

Just leave your home country. Yeah. Come on, Capricorn. Let's see if you'll be happy just in another country. Yeah. You're still there, so you won't be. Oh, wow. Take on, Capricorn. See if you'll be happy just in another country. Yeah. No, you're still there, so you won't be. Oh, wow. Take that, Capricorns.

This guy's swinging for the fences on the caps. Wow. What month is Capricorn? I don't know. I don't know anything about Capricorns. I think it's my dad. Late December, early January. Oh, right.

Sure. Yeah. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six types of people that left New Zealand in March are blondes. But they moved to Australia and I've got bad news blondes. You're a dime a dozen in Australia. Oh my god, run of the muck.

You want to pop over there. Run of the muck? Run of the mill. Running a muck. Yes. Run of the mill. Two very different sayings. Very different. Very. What a classic Libra. Thank you. Are you actually a Very. What a classic. Libra. Thank you. Are you actually a Libra?

I am a Libra. That was a shot in the dark. That's good. You got it. Which one's Libra? October. Scales. That's like flip floppy.

The scales. Tornado. Yeah. I've been called. Okay. Yeah, that works. Number three on the list of the top six types of people

that left New Zealand in March are real estate agents. Did they? Yeah. Guess they? Yeah. Guess what? What? These houses overseas too. Eh?

And they're going to go over and they're going to sell them. Yeah. You don't hear about real estate agents going overseas, do you? No, it doesn't feel like a drain on real estate agents.

Nah. The market's crap everywhere, isn't it? Apparently this year, gone. They're all gone. Oh God, no. Number two on the list

are the top six types of people that left New Zealand in March. Guys whose entire personality is fishing. Because they've heard that there's fishers in other countries too. There is fishies. Okay, yeah. So they're off to Australia

to catch a barramundi. Oh, don't mind me a barramundi. Oh, mate, I love a barramundi. Yeah. If you're at the pub and they're like fish of the day and I'm like, what's fish of the day? And they say barramundi,

I'm getting the fish of the day. I'm getting fish of the day, mate. It's like a steak, but it's from the day. What's fish of the day? I'm getting the fish of the day. It's like a steak. But it's from the sea? It's moody. It's a moody fish. It's a steak of the sea. It's the steak of the sea. I thought tuna was the steak of the sea. No, that's the chicken of the sea. No, tuna's chicken of the sea, you dipshit. Sorry, mate. Bearamundi's the steak of the sea.

You want a steak of the sea, mate? It's a bearamundi. Okay. I'm just pulling up a picture of a bearramundi for you. Look at this big bastard. Look at this big bloody barramundi. Look at that. That's why I'm moving over there. Oh, that's a good-looking fish, isn't it?

And look at that. That's the steak of the sea. Yeah, lovely. Look at that. That's a big steak, that barramundi. Well, there's not much sleep when you take all its head and stuff off, is there? Yeah, no. That's actually a really poor filleting job.

Right. Yeah, they've cut off a lot of the mundi there. They've really munted the meat. They need to sharpen their blade. Because it's one thing to be able to catch them, but you've got to be able to, like, cut them. That's right. Yeah.

Just quick check there. If it was fish of the day and it was barramundi, are you guys getting fish of the day? Yeah, I'll get fish of the day. Oh, I'll get it if it's barramundi. If it's barramundi. How are we doing it? Just a classic fish and chip? Oh, no. Are you battering and deep frying the barramundi. If it's barramundi. How are we doing it? Just a classic fish and chip? Oh, no.

Are you battering and deep frying? I'm battering. Oh, no, don't get me wrong. I don't want to pan fry it. I love it because it takes up your whole plate because it's like the steak of the sea. Yeah. Because it's a barramundi. Mean.

All right. Enough about your bloody barramundis, guys. All right. Number one on the list of the top six types of people that left New Zealand in March, nurses. And you know what? F-ing fair enough. Oh, yeah.

F-ing fair enough. I don't know how we've got any nurses left in this country. No. Yeah. Hey, friend, tell me. They were offered a job in Australia, a nurse. They didn't even have to look for it. They were offered a job in Australia,

and the price, the pay was insanely different. Yeah. I do not know how we have any of these saintly, beautiful people left in this. Especially, you take into consideration if you're a nurse and you're doing four on, three off, that's three days to go catch a barramundi. That's right.

Oh, so much barramundi. So much meat on a barramundi. So not only are you getting paid more, your days are better. You've got this massive, pretty huge fish. Yeah, mate. Ready to be eaten. And then you know what? On days when you don't feel like a barramundi, you can have a chicken palmy.

You can do a palma. Well, she's saying palma because she's from Vic. I'm from Melbourne. And you're saying palmy because you're from NSW. Yeah, that's right. And I'm from Queensland and we're with them. We call you're from NSW. Yeah, that's right. And I'm from Queensland and we're with them. We call it chicken Parmy.

That's all right, man. Yeah, all right. Well, that's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Okay, this is exciting news. You know the 90s is having its revival. We love the 90s fashion.

The 2000s. But it's impossible because the 90s was like six years ago. Yeah, it's mad. It only ended six years ago. Yeah, no, it's mad. It only ended six years ago. You've got to let things simmer before we bring them back, but whatever.

So there is a revival of, and I don't know if these would have been a thing that you guys would have clocked, the beaded lizards. It's like a crafty. Beaded lizards. You get these beads and you hook them all together

and you make a little lizard and you turn it into a keychain. Now, 90s, 2000s kids, we all know these. Carl and Shannon, do you remember these? Were these like part of your childhood? Absolutely. Yeah, they were like, I was at the tail end of it and I was too young to know how to make them.

Yes, of course. But now I'm an adult. Are you going to get into it? They're back. I've seen them in stores. I'm seeing tutorials everywhere on how to make them. I've seen some girls. Jesus Christ.

You just tie beads together. Yeah. It's actually embarrassing that that's considered. Shannon, you are the craft queen of the show. You crochet. I genuinely have craft skills. I was cuddling my Grogu that you made me. I lived there last night. I was cuddling him. I was crying.

More on that later. I was weeping into it. He's now wet. No, I was, just yesterday I was because I slept with him on my bed and I was like holding him and I was just like, God, this is very, very clever. Now, shall I crochet you a cry

thing? Like a cry pillow. And I'll put some like, I don't know, some kind of super absorbent wool. What about a crocheted lovely chest? You know, everybody needs a bosom pillow. Oh yeah, like a bosom pillow. A bosom to cry into.

Oh my goodness, this could be my niche. You'd wake up on a crocheted bosom pillow with like a weird kind of crochet mark. Yeah, the nipple indent. Crochet marks. Yeah. How horrible.

How horrible. But no, I have seen people make crochet beaded lizards so they would crochet a bead. And then put it around? And then make it like a whole thing. And now I want to make it. Well, see, that to me is that there's a craft to that. This just looks like trash.

No, no, no. This looks like shit trash. You've got to tie the knots and make the shape. I just remember these so much. This was part of like- Really? When we were like bedazzling everything. Oh, no, bedazzling.

Bedazzling is when you're doing your vagina. I'm so sorry. That's bud-jazzling. Bedazzling. Well, you really hit the vudge there. Vudge-adling. That's how you pronounce it. It's bud-jazzling.

Bud-jazzling. You were like vudge. Like it's a pronounce it Vaj-ina Vaj-ed-ling You were like vaj Like it's a vagina Vaj-ina Vaj-ina Look if anyone knows Like it's fudge But with a V

Yeah Vaj Beautiful Russian vaj Yeah I've got a great recipe For Russian vagina I remember this It was bedazzling

And we were making stickers And we were making Beaded geckos And like This is a vibe. I could totally get down with this. Shall I make us some show lizards? Yeah.

Yeah, for our school bags. Yes, for our school bags. We'll put an extra on the boo-boos and we'll just look real cute. Wait, who's doing this? It's not actual, like. It's like us, Gen Z. Oh yeah, it's not Gen Alpha though. No, they don't know how.

Yeah, I couldn't imagine them doing this. It's the kind of nostalgic factor. Right. I've got a couple of Gen Alphas at home. I'm so sorry. And the crafty one, she's talked about these. Do you know about these? And I was like, not really.

Do they ring a bell? But I never had one. Your sister would have probably, or maybe been a little bit too old for it. Well, lizards were big in the 90s. Oh my God. I don't think anyone really understands. That's why when you're a millennial and you go to like Fiji or Rarotonga and at night time next to the lights on the outside of your aburre,

when the lizards are there, the geckos, you're like, ah! And we get so excited because lizards were huge in the 90s. We loved a wire gecko on a fence. Oh, yeah, boomers loved a wire gecko on a fence. Boomers loved a wire a garden gecko. A garden lizard. And we wore t-shirts

with lizards on them. Yeah, man. We did. Yeah, we did. What was that brand that had a lizard? There was a brand that had a lizard.

Wasn't Hot Tuna but it was at that time. What surf brand had a gecko? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a lizard? A gecko logo. Gecko Hawaii. Gecko was my favourite brand as a 90s kid. It was actually a gecko. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a lizard. A gecko logo. Gecko Hawaii.

Gecko was my favourite brand as a 90s kid. Well, it was actually a surf brand. It still is. I never saw that. Yeah, but you were poor. Oh, you were poor. I was poor, yeah. Because I was poor, but not...

Yeah. Oh! Oh! What? No, they do hyper-coloured T-shirts with geckos on them. Oh, we need, we need, we need. I remember I did have a hyper-coloured T-shirt from Halloween. Did you?

Me too. Do you not remember? I'm looking at Gecko now. What do you mean screw your face up, Cal? They were really cool. Yeah. Do you not remember this brand? Do you not remember Gecko?

Oh my God. Oh yeah, okay, I do remember that. It's exactly the same as a hyper-coloured T-shirt. Fluoro-y kind of... Yeah, I could get some fluoro shorts. Kind of Susie Kato vibe. Thank you. You know, like she'd be in that head-to-toe fluoro.

And pair it with like a pair of jeans where you've used those puffy paints. Yeah. To put it on the back. Bring it all back. I'm sorry, but if you're going to use 90s fashion, you better have 90s prices. One Gekko glow-in-the-dark splatter t-shirt. Yep. 86 US dollars.

I know, but look at these. 160. 1989 Gek but look at these. 160. 1989 Gecko fluoro shorts. Those are 70 US dollar shorts.

That's insane. Pretty cool though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Life and art.

Often they imitate and this is the case for Kim Kardashian at the moment who as you may know is in Paris at the Palais de Justice. Oh, the Place of Justice?

The Place of Justice. The Palace of Justice. The Palais. It's actually the place in English. No, it's actually Place. Place is place. So he was right. I took French in third form.

Thank you. It's Justice Palace. She's at Justice Palace. Because it's like their high court. It's not just court, it's high, the highest court. I think we mentioned this yesterday

or the day before, but it's weird that this jewellery heist happened so long ago and it's only in court now? 2016, nine years ago, she was robbed at gunpoint, tied up,

and robbed of $10 million worth of jewellery. She screamed for her life, truly authentically believed she was going to die and was screaming to this person, I'm a mum, please, please, I have to live for my babies. Awful, awful. Have you seen the guy that they reckon orchestrated it? Yeah, the ringleader.

He's like some old, hobbly old, hobbly old guy. They call him Grandpa. They call him a Grandpa. Right. A crime grandpa. Well, I mean, nine years ago, he probably was less hobbly. Less hobbly.

I know, but he was a sort of orchestrator of it all. He did tend to get a little bit hobblier later in life. Nine years is probably a long time on the hobble chart. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, do you worry?

It just goes up. Anybody else worry about becoming one of those hunched over, hobbly old men? Oh, I'll end it for me. I'm hunching. I'm hunching now.

I'm 35. Look at that. It's humping. It's humping. It's humping. It's like, Yeah, let's get you a back brace. Yeah, let's get you up straight.

Get, push them bloody lovely tits of yours out. Yeah, let them look you in the eye before they start looking at the ground. So she basically, You might have thought that was an HR issue,

what I just said. Yeah, I mean, but I, I was consentedly received. Yeah. I know she loves a compliment on it. Okay, okay. Purely platonically, I'll put that on the, Oh God, I mean, consentedly received. Yeah. I know she loves a compliment on me. Okay, okay.

Purely platonically, I'll put that on the... Oh, God, I think this man's awful. Yeah, I don't want to touch him. Yeah, I will compliment him. I was like, shagging my brother. Anyway, so she's done all of her... Stop it. Let's move on.

She's done all of her talking and whatnot in this courtroom, and she has said that she, because, you know, she's a Christian woman. She said she's forgiven this person. She realised they were in a time of need and that kind of stuff. So that's happening in her real life, going through this. Apparently she did take a break to go shopping and she was wearing a lovely feathered coat. Anyway, so this trailer drops for this new TV show starring Glenn Close, Sarah Paulson, Naomi Watts, Nisi Nash, who you know if you saw her.

I love those actors that you describe as. You know that I saw them. Like Kieran Hines. You were like, the Irish guy. He's in everything. You'd know him if you see him. He always plays a bad guy. And I was like, yeah.

You look him up and you're like, ah, there he is. That guy. But in the cast, ah, there he is. That guy. But at the, in the cast, Kim Kardashian as an actress, and it follows these highfalutin lawyers who go into bat for the rich, the wealthy, and them themselves

are like raking in the money. What's this show called? All's Fair. It's a brand new show and it is, it looks fantastic. And there's this little clip of Kim Kardashian playing a high earning lawyer in this incredible. Yeah, which she also is a lawyer. Which she also is a lawyer.

Yeah. And it looks incredible. The cast is amazing. Naomi Watts, Glenn Close, Kim Kardashian. Yeah. Honestly, I'm. When does it start? Where does one see?

The trailers have just dropped. So I think we're a little while away. Where does one see the theatrical trailer for this upcoming television broadcast? It's an all-women law firm, led by none other than Kim Kardashian. So like a suits kind

of a vibe, do you reckon? Very. And it's all, yeah. Did you see they cancelled LA Suits? Did they? We did the interview. We did the interview and they cancelled it. It always guts me when we do an interview and they'll cancel a show after one season.

Did we do that? Does that why? I don't know if we did that. No, we did our best. I mean, we tried. We tried. We tried. But yeah, I mean, keep an eye out for this year.

All's fair. Great cast and Kim K's part of it. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.. Play ZM's Fletchporn and Hayley. Fletchporn and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly Little Pole today is which, which one are you? Are you an early bird?

Or are you a night owl? So researchers... That's a pigeon, by the way. Researchers looked at 27,000 people in the UK. Good spread. Brain scans, all kinds of tests, because they wanted to see the difference between the night owls and the early birds.

Well, to see if there was any benefit or... Well, yeah, and they say the results were revealing. People who identified as early birds had brain features that were different from those of night owls. The differences were mostly notable in parts of the brain related to emotions, memory, reward, and decision-making.

In the positive or the negative? Or is it kind of all over the show? They found that night owls were more likely to have mood-related problems, less healthy habits, and lower levels of physical activities where early birds tended to show better emotional control and overall well-being.

But then how early? Because three or four o'clock waking up is different than waking up to a five or a six. Yeah, totally. That's more on your circadian rhythms. Yeah, I think it... Don't you be seven o'clock rising

and calling yourself an early bird? Yeah, but that's like, I think that's a good time to get up. You think you're tired. I love saying that. I love saying that. When people who get up at seven, man, I'm tired. I got up so get up. You think you're tired. I love saying that. I love saying that. When people who get up at seven, man, I'm tired. I got up so early today.

Did ya? No, you did seven days. I did do seven days last night. Seven days last night. It'll be on TV tonight. Now, in that room, there's a few comedians who love saying they're tired. Oh, I know. When I've been in there.

And I go, my neck goes. You think you're tired. I love saying that. I definitely was a night owl. Creatives as well Like your brain Kind of comes to life at night Yeah But we've just had to switch

Haven't we? Yeah But when you worked afternoons At H H The other station Please don't say it

You know we've got You know we've got PTSD Yeah I'm so sorry That's why I'm H Yeah When you did that You'd stay up all night right?

Dude it was bad But it was bad Like you had to make yourself We were also it was bad. You had to make yourself. We were also young men. Yeah, you also had to make yourself. Sexy, sexy young men. We were sexy young men. Sexy, sexy young men.

Couple of absolute mingers. We were bonking a lot. Not each other. Boy, the bonking that went on. So much bonking at night. The early 2000s bonking, Hayley. Oh, my God. You could never do a 1 a.m. bonk now.

I am bonking at 1 a.m.k now. I am bonking at 1am? Were you guys bonking at 1am? A 1am bonk? Matt. That's nearly the time we came up. I know. Early birds. At 11pm, shag.

And then at 1am, bonk. Oh, please. Early birds, it turns out, is better. What? Now, we asked you, are you an early... They've literally said if you're an early bird, you're a better person. asked you are you an early they've literally said if you're an early bird you're a better person

basically you do more you're more emotionally balanced you do more and um you know night owl it's better to be an early bird

well we asked which are you the early bird or the night owl 54% of people say they're an early bird oh pretty good split 46% of people

say a night owl yeah we were I was coming back the other night oh when we went out to that thing um the show an early bird? Oh, pretty good split. 46% of people said a night owl. Yeah. I was coming back the other night. Oh, when we went out to that thing. The show. The show.

And I was walking home and it was like, what was it? A 7.30? 8. Yeah. Or the other night I was going home quite late.

It was like 9 and all these people were in restaurants. I was like, it's so late. And you're having pasta. And you're having dinner now. You're going to go to bed with a ballet full of pasta. This is when I go to bed. It's so late. And you're having pasta. And you're having dinner now. You're going to go to bed with a belly full of pasta.

This is when they go to bed. It's so late. Is that a bread basket they've got on their table at 9pm? Oh my God, too late for carbohydrates. Tomorrow they'll be bitching about being fat as hell. Because we're morning birds, early birds. We get to bitch and moan about night owls. Yeah, we do.

Shannon said, not our our Shannon but a Shannon said I said night owl but to be honest right now more of a half dead pidge fair enough half dead pidge energy man I'm feeling that

one of those pigeons you accidentally kick because I don't know it's sick or something it's going to get out of my foot's way and it doesn't it doesn't

you're going to have its misery unless I'm rage cleaning this is Amy she says I'm an early bird unless I'm rage cleaning then I'm going to have its misery. I touch my shoe. Unless I'm rage cleaning. This is Amy. She says I'm an early bird. Unless I'm rage cleaning, then I'm a night owl. She cleans into the night. I don't know if your neighbours want to be hearing that.

You vacuum. Oh, yeah, true. Night, but I do have a flight to catch. But do I have a flight to catch? Or is it Christmas? Because then I'm, then fun, I'll get up for that one. Can't sleep. Yeah, Lauren's either I'm, then fun, I'll get up for that one. Can't sleep.

Yeah, Lauren's either catching flights, not feelings, or having Santa, not Satan, when she's getting up early. But John says both. I'm a shift worker, so I've got to adapt.

Oh, see that, man, when you can't get into a rhythm. Adapt a bird there. Marie said neither. I think I come right about midday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we call that a, what do you I think I come right about midday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we call that a, what do you call that? A high noon hawk.

Yeah, high noon hawk. High noon hawk, you're coming into your own. Jess said, night owl, but teaching myself to be an early bird. It's a long road, Jess. Yeah. I'll say that. It's a long road, the transition. Lou, perpetually the tired worm that the early bird gobbles up.

Oh. Both because they have a one-year-old. I said, Laura, are you going to adaptable there? M said, I get silly from tiredness, like a proper silly goose. So to be a respected member of society, I need to be in bed by 10 p.m. for a 5 a.m. daily wake-up. Plus, how good are sunrises?

Recently discussing if people are a sun-up or a sunrise or a sunset person. Yeah, I'm set. Sunsets rule, but sunrises, you feel like you've done something for them? Yeah, carpe diem. You feel like you want to carpe that diem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're mid-carp. Yeah. Full diem. Yeah.

Ideal sleeping is 2am to 10am. Society isn't kind for this body clock, says Julie. 2am. I remember those days, though. I remember those days. That's two and a half hours before I wake up Yeah That's wild

That's 1am bonk Yeah you bonk And then go to sleep Bonk and then Fall straight asleep Wake up You probably have a brunch bonk Yeah

Oh I know You can bonk when you want Also from here on out Anytime Sex is referred to A bonk show Bring back the bonk Bring back the bonk

Bring back the bonk Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, if you missed it, Brad Pitt, A-lister Brad Pitt is in New Zealand at the moment filming. Yep. We actually know where he's staying. He's filming right by your house.

Yeah. At the studios. Yeah, yeah. We drove past the studios the other day and you can tell when something big's happening because they park the trailers along the fence so you can't peep in. Right.

And that's happened. There's a massive blue screen and so, you know, I thought we'd move to green screens. No, blue is what we've moved into. Oh. Yeah. We moved away from green. Big action shots. So now, so what, so he started filming this movie in Queenstown, the movie about him

being an old soldier with a dog. With a doll, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So now he's up in the north doing all the studio stuff. And if you missed it, he was caught at the local, our local McDonald's getting a bloody cordy pea. You know? So they've confirmed that was his order.

That was his order, cordy pea. I knew Brad Pitt and I would be great friends. Extra pickles. I don't know. I don't know if it's probably not worth the wait. You just get the usual. Yeah. It's the best burger. Yeah.. I don't know. I don't know if it's probably not worth the wait. You just get the usual. It's the best burger. Yeah.

It's the number one. So McDonald's New Zealand came out on their social saying, hey, we're giving everyone named Brad a free quarter pounder to be eligible.

Now this is weird. Okay. Listen, because we're going to pay the system. Hayley this morning is like, guys, I've got a way

to get a free quarter pounder. Because I love non-alts. And mate, quarter pounder would go down bloody well right now. But to be eligible for this free quarter... To be eligible, you have to be called Brad. How embarrassing would it be if Brad Pitt had ordered the Filet-O-Fish at this stage of the game? Not embarrassing at all.

It actually would have been like, that's a superior burger. And then they're lying and they're just saying it as a quarter pounder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so. You're telling me he keeps that bod and he's not hitting primarily white low-cal meat? Yeah, exactly. Delish. Oh my God, I want a filet-o-fish so bad right now.

Anyway, so McDonald's said we're giving everyone named Brad a free quarter pounder to be eligible, though. Users must have registered to the McDonald's app before the 12th of May. Meaning. Yes. Because I was like, I'll just change my name on the McDonald's app to Brad. Go get me a free 40p. You had to be pre-registered. Because I saw a couple of Brad's I know sharing the screenshot that they

because they get the notifications on the app. I know. Well, we wanted to chat to Bad News Brad to see if he got one, but we can only assume he's asleep. Or bonking. He's probably bonking. Don't spread rumors. Bonking boy Brad. to see if he got one, but we can only assume he's asleep. Or bonking. He's probably bonking. Now, no, but it's,

Bonking boy Brad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still, it's still, he'll hate that. Fletcher's waving at me

to tell me to stop it. Vaughn hates I'm going to start letting people know when you're giving me hand gestures to stop. Because I feel like

sometimes I just stop and people are like, why did you stop? And then I got told off. So it's eligible until midnight Sunday. Midnight Sunday. Okay, so if your name is Brad or you know a Brad, our friend Brad just left the country.

That damn fool. Can we log into his app? I wonder if he can give me his login. I feel like he's probably... I've got a question about the McDonald's app. He might have already used it. I've got a question about the McDonald's app. He might have already used it. I've got a question about the McDonald's app. What is it?

Because I'll do it when we go through the drive-thru. Yeah. And they're like. And I'm like, wait a minute. I'm finding my number. Because in the app, it's like M and then it gives you some numbers. Oh, yeah, yeah. It constantly changes. Did you know that?

No, I don't know how it works. I want to know why. Why does it constantly change? Different deals and they change. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not about the deals. It's my number. Oh, I don't know.

I give them my number and then buy something. The points go onto my account, but that number's always changing. It's probably a security thing. Why does it need to be so secure? I don't know. It's got more security than my banking app. Yeah, true, actually. That's the one that needs more security.

Yeah, okay. I'm not going to get scammed out of my Maccies points. Do you think, because I know where he is staying, and obviously I'm not going to say. Let's go. Should we just wander? Because you and I went for that bushwalk over there. I'm going for a bushwalk this weekend.

Yeah. Oh, whoopsie-daisy. It's wild to know I've been where he's staying. You have been where he's staying. And I've actually looked around where he's staying. It is so incredibly stunning. If you're out that way, that's where you've got to stay.

Great spot for a bonk. Great spot for a bonk. If anyone gets the offer to bonk Brad Pitt, I would say do it for the scenery alone. Because he's single. Oh, no, he's not single. He's got a partner. He's Brad Pitt's girlfriend.

Hot young thing. Right. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. Anyway, I mean, if he's girlfriend. Hot young thing. Right. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. Anyway, I mean, if he's listening, good on you, mate. Cordy P, absolutely respectable. Cordy P in a scenic bonk, are you kidding me? And tip of the hat to Maccas because that's good marketing from them.

So good from them. But if you, like me, are going to play the system, I'm sorry. You had to be registered on the McDonald's app for this as a Brad. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Yesterday, I decided to work at a cafe. I'm on Seven Days tonight. We filmed it yesterday. Lovely.

Now, for those people who don't really like you, who else is on Seven Days? Thank you. That's a good... For those who have had enough. It's me, Paul Ego and Brinley Stent. Gosh, we love Brinley. Yeah.

And it's Rhys Mathewson, Emma Holland from Australia, and Jack Ansett. Okay. Jack Ansett, friend of the show. Yep, friend of the show. Is that right? You're still friends with Jack Ansett? And former airline. Never met a fallout?

And former airline. Well, the heir to the Ansett fortune, but unfortunately all that came crumbling. Crumbling down and now there's no airline. Yeah. Love a retro airline reference here. Yeah, me too. Freedom Air, Kiwi Air, Ansett.

Yep. Anyway. I didn't want to go hot. Pam Ann. Pam Ann. There's about to be an amazing miniseries on that. On Pam Ann? Starring blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Really? I love blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. How did they get them? I don't know, but they got them. Wow. Well, yesterday I had't know, but they got them. Wow. Well, yesterday, I had to be at studio at some point. We skipped over Rhys Mathewson, if we can just duck back momentarily. One of my favourites.

I love that man. I love that man. He's a good man and a great comedian. He's a great man. He's a good man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't see anyone. Oh, Margot Robbie is going to be in the Pan Am.

As a flight attendant. Yeah, that's who I said. That's her birth name. It's going to have the guy from Sex Ed who's in SAS. He rules. You love him. That guy looks familiar. And that guy is from Suits.

Cancelled. No. Original Suits. I'm looking at the wrong TV series. I'm looking at the wrong TV series. It was literally a show called Pan Am. It's called The Bombing of Pan Am 103. I thought it was a story about the collapse

of the airline. I don't want to watch a bombing movie. That's scar-y. Scar-y. I don't want to be scarred. When was Pan Am canned? When was Pan Am canned? Pan Am was canned about Pan Am. Pan Am worked Pan Am until it was canned. Pan Am. Can I get back into my core storyline?

Wait a minute. December 1991, Pan Am ceased flying. America's leading international carrier since 1928. Pan Am. Anyway, so I'm at this cafe because I don't want to go home and I had some work to do.

I was tweaking my show that's opening tomorrow. Can't buy tickets, so suck it. I mean, that's instilling great faith in the people who have bought tickets that are still just getting a tweak. Oh, I'm just doing tweaks. I'm just giving a zhuzh, mate. Anyway, so I decided to go work at a cafe. Now, I did do a lovely transition from breakfast to wine. I got there.

I had two coffees. I had my lovely salmon omelette and then I did some mahi. Then it turned around to 12.30 and I thought, absolutely, I'm not ready to leave yet. It's a long time to be in a cafe taking up tables. I was there for two and a half hours.

It's a big working cafe, lots of us. And, here's my etiquette, it's you. There was a woman next to me and she's doing business calls. She took three of them

in the time that I was there. She was there the whole time. And that's fine. That's kind of what this cafe's known for is a business spot. But there's a charger in between us, PowerPoint, to charge. I'm flat on everything. So I need this. She's got

two chargers in it, two sockets. She's got them both. One of them is just a cord and it's on the floor and it's not being used. Unplug. Excuse me, ma'am. I know, but she was on her headphones and in the middle of this thing. So I was like, I can't be doing that. I didn't snap my fingers at her.

I probably could have. Anyway, so I was like, getting a bit annoyed about this charger situation, but she wouldn't get off this call. So then I start nosy parkering in and listening to what she's talking about and she's very informed. Yes, I think if we were to review this something or rather, then we would know this and we would take it to the client. And I was like, wow, she's really informed.

I look over. There's her team's meeting. All these clients, I imagine. Yeah. What's this window? She's got a bloody chat GPT telling her exactly what to say. I'm watching her. It was like a script.

Really? Yeah, she'd obviously put this like issue into chat GPT and then was like every now and then just sort of like a yes, yes, yes and typing lightly. I mean, look, if I could do that in my daily job, I'd 100% do it. Like everyone I know is using ChatGPT. Oh, I thought it was cheeky. You thought it was cheeky?

I thought it was mighty cheeky. Very cheeky. Because she's talking to the client like she's got the thought and the opinion herself, you know, taking questions. But surely you can see through that. Probably the same woman that tells her children that ChatGPT is cheating if you use it for homework. It is.

No, I know it is. It is. She's cheating in life. Do you tell your kids that? I tell them not to get answers from it, but if they don't understand how something works, to ask ChatGPT to explain it to them in layman's terms. Yeah, I mean, I get it. I just thought, I was like, I got you.

I got you. Do you know what I should have done to get her back for the charger hoarding? Popped my head into the screen and be like, she's using ChatGPT. Could have done that. Should have done that. I'm so sorry. I take this woman strong.

What was she eating? Lunchtime wine? Yeah, I got my sad. She's using ChatGPT. She's cheating. Fire her. Fire her and hire men. Buy, I got it. My Sav. She's just in charge of your PT. She's cheating. Fire her. It'll be 12.30pm. Fire her and hire men

and buy tickets to my show. Yeah, I'm a comedian. Wait, how many people are on this call? 20. You should go buy tickets to my show. You should buy tickets

to my show. Had a less sprout, I come. What did she, over the course of three business calls, I missed the natural out. Whatever. It's my show.

My name's second. I'll do what I want. I'm last. I'll just follow. What did. It's my show. My name's second. I'll do what I want. I'm last. I'll just follow. What did she, how much did she order when she was there doing all these business calls?

Vaughn Allen. She was there before I arrived. I was there for two and a half hours. She was there when I left. Nothing. Oh, that's bad etiquette. And two charges. She had an empty coffee.

So she had had one coffee. At least order another coffee. Yep. Two charges. Unbelievable. Yeah, bad etiquette. Bad etiquette. At least order another coffee. Yep. Two charges? Unbelievable. Yeah, bad etiquette. Bad etiquette. Bad etiquette.

Naughty. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. It's 18 minutes away from eight. It's 18 minutes away from nine somewhere, man. It's 18 minutes away from eight. I didn't say nine. It's 18 minutes away from nine. It's 18 minutes away from eight. man It's 18 minutes away from 8 I didn't say 9 It's 18 minutes away from 9

It's 18 minutes away from 8 Probably the other side of the world I didn't say 9 Now I would like to talk By the way I've got him on board today Why? I'm holding my dark passengers Reaching for the wheel

Oh no he's a little bit present Yeah he wants. Being very bratty today. I know. I'm into it. I just knocked a big pile of newspapers over and then kicked it. Like I was the editor and then I screamed, get me pictures of Spider-Man. Yeah.

It was fun. He's right here. He wants to drive. Yeah, he said before, yabba-dabba-doo. He screamed it out. I mean, it came from nowhere. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

We want to talk now. Shut up, I'm talking. Listen to him. We want to talk about what you do when you're alone. Well, because lately when I've been driving home alone, I've been working on my Donald Trump impression. Now, honestly. Actually, when I was a kid, I was proud of the fact that I could do voices,

but then when I got a bit older as a teenager, someone said, that's not cool and you need to stop that, and they crushed my dreams and I stopped. Oh, babes. Oh, babes. Oh, babes. You could have been a famous voice impressionist. Yeah. Could have been one of those people who just has impressions and that's all they do.

I love an impressionist. Yeah, I do too. I think we cannot move forward with this story and this phoner without getting a little sample. Chyna! You know Chyna! I don't. See, I lose it.

It's not there. It's not there. But that's why I'm practising. That's why I'm practising. China! You know China! See, I lose it. It's not there. It's not there. But that's why I'm practising. That's why I'm practising. I think your Trump is on par with my Arnie. That's where you're at. You're right. You're right.

That's where you're at. You're right. Because Trump, sometimes he softens. He softens a little. No, he's gone. No, he's gone. And it's the New York accent, but also the way, and it's a whole thing.

So where have you been practising this? Well, I'm driving. Okay. And I have caught people looking at me and like sighing, because I'm going, I'm driving, but I'm also, sometimes it's just knees, and I'm gesticulating like he does with the hands. Yeah. China.

If it helps you. That wasn't a bad one. Is that all you can do? China. China. That's the word that gets you into the impression. Right. China.

Yeah. Like with Kermit gets you into the impression Right China Yeah Like with Kermit the Frog The impression you start off with Hi ho I'm Kermit the Frog Yeah Hi ho it's Kermit the Frog So you go Get in there

Oh yeah What are you doing there Mickey Oh yeah Mickey Mickey's is the laugh Yeah yeah yeah Okay I think the Spongebob

Was always the Why don't you just listen to I don don't know, the radio or podcasts? I do. Normal people do in the car. Um, yeah. Turn into iHeartRadio. It's a Trump impression of seeing if the chimney can bounce off the median. Yeah.

Sometimes I'm just like, I wonder if I could hit that and bounce off. Dark. It's dark. The dark passenger is present. How hard would I have to hit that to be like, whoa, I feel alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just feel something new. But not have to stop.

Yeah, totally. I do this with, I do two things. Sometimes I'll drive along and I'll act like it's the beginning, opening sequence of a film. You know what I mean? I love this. And like a song will come on the radio. What song's playing?

So every now and then, okay, this is embarrassing. Okay, I'm going to play a song that I think would... Why don't you play the song that... No, okay. This is what always gets me. I trained myself

to cry on command to Rhinestone Cowboy. And how I did it was I would put on Rhinestone Cowboy and I would imagine a scenario that I have picked up

my dead husband's ute. And I get in the ute and I turn it on and rhinestone cowboy comes on and I go this bloody song I hate this song he always listened to it but he's dead so then I'm driving along the road how did he die was that sudden or cancer oh so it's drawn out Jesus yeah please okay and I'm in right and I'm backing out the truck I've picked it up from the bloody shop. Yeah.

I'm like, God, I'll turn it off. And then I think, no, he's gone. And what I'll do is I'll drive down the road, wherever I am, just listening to this song and thinking. I'm imagining. And then you start crying. You're on a country road. It's sunset.

There's a wide camera pan from like an elevated angle. Drone these days would have been a helicopter shot. And I like want to turn the song off because I've always said to him, I hate this bloody song, Steve. I hate this song. Turn it off. You're always listening to the song. But on this occasion, and honestly, I can't do it now because I'm like talking.

I'll cry. On command. Okay, here comes the chorus. Wait, so you do this by yourself? You pretend you're in a movie? Crank it. Weekly. Crank it.

Okay. And I'm like, like a rhinestone cowboy. Oh, my God, I'm there. Please, Steve, why do you have to go and die on me? Is this the first time you've cried since he died? Yeah, I've just been like, I think we actually had a fight before he died. Oh, the last thing you said to him. But he died of cancer.

You don't argue with a cancer patient. Yeah, I know, but I think he was going to make it through. I think he was going to make it through. And lots of stuff came out about his... So, I practice my crying and acting when I'm on my own. Okay, this is your Trump impressions.

Yeah, but now when I drive home today, I'm going to be, I'm going to put the, I'm going to be driving along and then, so it fades from black in and I'm driving. So now you're going to pretend

you're in movies as well. I'm going to give this a go. No, but I'm driving. So now you're going to pretend you're in movies as well. I'm going to give this a go. No, but I'm a TV show. He's just moved to the city. I'm a TV show. Yeah, I've just moved in. Okay. Some big stuff happened. Life's full of changes and I've moved to the city and I turn on the radio and this is on and I'm like I'm me by the way. Yeah, okay. Right, we want

to know now. I'm a fish out of water. 0800 Donalds at M 9696. You can text in or of water. 0800 Donaldson M 9696. You can text in or call us. What's your mental illness? What do you do when no one's watching? Maybe you practice your singing. Yes.

And you're like, I think I actually might be really good. Let me see if I can hit this note. Huh? You're like, oh my God, did anyone hear that? I mean, it's always embarrassing if you thought you were the only one home and you do that. And then you realize your flatbats have been home the whole time. Someone wants to know on the text machine, given that you, everyone on the show, spends the most time alone, what do you do when you're alone?

I don't do any of this weird shit. I think he just talks to his cat. I just talk to my cat. Yeah, I just talk to my cat. It's pretty sad. Wait, what's sad? Talking to your cat or pretending your husband just died in a movie? That's creative.

That rules. And she's just like, Steve, you son of a bitch. It's a bloody song, man. God, I hate this song. Okay, 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. What do you do when you're all by yourself? We want to know what you do when you're all alone. Dude.

And no one can see or hear you. I feel like this is the topic that the nation needed. Needed today. There's some people getting it off their chest. I do a dramatic recital of a poem called The Highwayman, like I'm some Victorian showwoman touring the country. Fantastic. Get that person on the phone.

I want to hear that poem. I don't think people want to do this. No, it's the private because it's so vulnerable. Yeah, it is. Renee, what do you do when you're all alone? When I'm in the car,

I'm actually a really famous singer and I'm putting on a performance. Sometimes it's a Broadway musical. Sometimes it's a Tiny Desk performance.

I've actually won a Tony for my Broadway musical. Oh my God. And you do a Tiny Desk. I love this. I can't believe you're doing a Tiny Desk. musical. Oh, my God. And you do a tiny desk. I love this. A couple of you doing a tiny desk.

Yeah. She's made it. An NPR tiny desk. She's made it. Only the top get invited to tiny desks. Now, what musical are we blasting, Renee? Waitress. Waitress.

Yeah. You might or might not know this, Renee, but it's impossible for anyone to sing anything without Hayley overbearing and kind of taking control of the situation. That's right. Can we hear a little something from Waitress? Absolutely not.

No, you don't play Hayley. Why do you reckon it's like this, Renee? Why do you reckon when it's just you, you've created this entire thing, you want a goddamn Tony. Yeah. But when it comes to a crowd or a performance, you don't want to do it. There's something

about the walls of the car that's very safe. Yeah. Yeah. It's the airbags. It's a fantasy. And the acoustics of the airbags. Thanks, Renee. Let's go to Sarah. Sarah, what do you do when you're all alone and no one can see you? Kia ora. Good morning. Kia ora. I practice

my crying and it's kind of in a joke way but also I'm a nurse and we're not allowed to cry when we see sad things so when I'm alone I try and let it out because I've heard

it's a really good way to let it out You sweet, sweet, sweet child It's nice to cry in the car, right? It is good Sometimes I sob and it's just you get out of the car, the other end, your destination, you're good.

What about one of those cries? What about one of those cries that leaves you dehydrated? Or a snotty cry. Bad story, but that actually happened this week because my cat got hit by a car. But anyway. Sarah! Okay, the headache's gone now.

Do you need rhinestone, cowboy? We don't want to make it worse. Don't make it worse. No, we don't want to make it worse. I walk so I can't cry on the side of the road. Yes, no, we can't be crying. We can't be crying. Sarah, thank you for your call.

Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 DALES at M. What do you do when you're all alone and no one can see you? Oh, my God. When I'm nailing mum life and doing five things at once while keeping my cool, I pretend I'm on a sitcom playing an awesome single mum and the audience are applauding and cheering me when I do really well.

And I'll break the fourth wall and give them a look like, little way. Can you believe this? Am I right? So good. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Talking about those things that you do in private when no one's watching, no one's listening.

Man, some funny messages. You've got to just like plow through them. Only because there's so many funny ones and we don't have the time. But we appreciate every one of them. I'm thinking about how I can get back at my son's bully. He's just started school and when I go to pick him up, I want to put a fart bomb in the bully's bag

so everyone laughs at the bully. Petty, yes, but meh. So you're just spending all your time alone plotting revenge against a six-year-old. No, totally. And it's weird. It's like, why do I want to punch a kid? It's like they've been mean to my kid and I know, you know, you shouldn't fight fire with fire,

but I burn hotter, so I will win. Yeah. I will end you. Shout out to the people practicing winning arguments. Yeah. Yes. So many people. Like what, before they get home?

Yeah. Or just, yeah, just having a little vent without having to actually start an argument because it's tiring. Yeah. While in the car, I pretend to be a detective who's just cracked the case and I'm throwing all the evidence at the very guilty suspect,

slamming it down in front of him, yelling at him. Oh my God, I pretend anything I'm doing at the time is content for my non-existent YouTube channel and it features an English accent as well. That's funny, I want to hear it. I will watch your YouTube channel. Hi guys, spend the day with me

as I get ready to go to the market. Guess what? Stuck in traffic again. Oh my God, guys. I'm a teacher. When I'm in the car, I will name the students that have annoyed me and I will out loud tell them,

they're not there, the honest truth about what I think about them and their behaviour. What a good way to vent at the end of the day. When I'm alone, I'm being interviewed by Graham Norton about my dramatic performances. Oh my God, amazing.

This is so good. Nothing like giving your mother-in-law an imaginary piece of your mind when you're alone in the car and my car has heard some things. Someone just said, I beatbox. Cool. That was real.

If you're good, that's still a very cool story. Did you read out the person who cooks and pretends? When I'm making dinner and no one's around, I pretend I'm hosting a cooking program on TV, but I am French. I'm not. I try and say it all in French for my broken high school French

and talk through what I'm making. Even baked beans on toast sounds sexy when it's in French. I would watch every text we've got. I'd watch. Same. Bonjour, bienvenue. Yeah, but the idea is that nobody would ever do it. Yeah.

You remember Creaky Galleon Louise? Of course. Creaks like a galleon when she gets up. Yeah. Wonderful imagery there. When she's alone, she is New Zealand's first Winter Olympic gold medal biathlon winner. Wasting the Nords and the Swedes from nowhere,

dressed all in black with a zinger silver fern down one side. Hell yeah. Yeah. I like to commentate rugby matches when I'm by myself during the game. I get really into it. And then I'll throw the mic at my cat, to my cat, who's doing the sideline commentary. She usually just mouths.

And then I'll say something. Interesting thoughts from our on-field commentator. Meow. Meow. That's no good? That's great. I'm not crazy, I promise. That's a great way to start a story.

I'm not crazy, I promise, but went from working in office with five others in the social sector to well-being coaching all by myself. When I'm on my own, I have full-blown laughter and punchline jokes and play all the roles as John, Karen, Bailey, Riri and myself. We are a very funny office. They don't exist. They don't exist. Okay, you're making up people.

I work in a film studio when no one's around. I go into the soundstage to practice my singing because the acoustics are amazing, but my singing sucks. There's so many. I need to be friends with the French cooking person someone texted. Between the two of us

We've got the best cooking show I'd watch it I'd watch it I would watch a cooking show Of people pretending to be French Far more than I'd watch A TV show of an actual French chef Oh god yeah

100% Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Usually when my boys When I see them in the morning I just like to pump them up Just buy a nice t-shirt Nice You're looking good

You're looking great Blah blah blah blah blah Vol worked in this morning. He was wearing a jacket. He comes in. He takes it off. He takes it off. And I was like, ooh, one.

And I was like, any amount of things could have happened. The first time I see myself in the morning is the mirror and the elevator. Yeah, right. Yeah. I tell you what, I was vibing my fit this morning. The fit is great. You've got a little

Sherpa coat and some nice jeans. I just found my old black jeans. Yep, great. I put them on, they fit again. I take no umbrage

with the jacket, the jeans, the boots, the beanie, everything, my friend. This t-shirt is disgusting. It looks like... So it's a white, it's meant to be white. I think it's meant to be disgusting. It looks like...

So it's a white, it's meant to be white. I think it's meant to be white. It's not meant to be white, but please, go on. Shut up, it looks like a white T-shirt that this man has washed for 10 years, never on a white load. You know what I mean? He's chucked it in, it is grey.

It looks like you're at Judy Free or the Sunglass Hut and you'd put on some sunnies, but they make everything a tint of yellow. A bit tint of grey. There is a yellowy greyness to it that honestly just makes me feel like it stinks of piss. And I know it doesn't. It looks like it's soaked in urine.

You're right. It looks like it's been through a blue wash. It does. It looks like it's been through a blue wash. You've washed it with blue jeans too much. But it's not old. I've worn this t-shirt no more than a handful of times. Honestly, it is so ugly.

It's not this photo shoot, but the photo shoot we had for work before. We went and they were like, what are you going to wear? And I was like, please don't give me shirts. Just give me T-shirts. And so they gave me this T-shirt. And then they're like, you can keep that T-shirt. And I've never worn it.

I see why. No one wants to be associated with it. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. It does look like a really old teenage boy's T-shirt who's just been put, who's going flatting for the first time. He just chucks his towels and everything in the wash. Towels, jeans, white T-shirts.

And then just bungs it straight in the dryer without even like shaking it out. This is not what's happened. This shirt came this colour. It's... Bone? What is it? It's dirt. It just looks grubby

like you've sweat into it. It does look like it stinks. And this morning you went through your hamper and found it at the bottom and it's a little bit wet. It's gotta go. It's gotta go.

Can you take it off? It's just gotta go. Take it off. I'm demanding it's off. I literally can't wait. I said, get me some scissors. I want to cut this up.

I got you another t-shirt and ironically I will point out that this is an anti-bullying. The only, this is a, wait, so it's pink shirt day tomorrow, the day in New Zealand, which is like, wear a pink shirt, wear anti-bullying. Tomorrow. Right, so bullying is okay today.

But you're going to get me to take off my shirt and put on a shirt to stop bullying. You're bullying me into it. I just cannot look at this pristine, stinky T-shirt anymore. It's giving me the impression that there's sweat and smell in the room. And you've got to change it. Get off.

Okay. We've sorted that out. Honestly, if you could see this T-shirt. I'll get a photo of you before you take it off. No, no, no, because the camera will white balance it. It'll white balance it, yeah. Just imagine the dirtiest teenage T-shirt you've ever seen. I'm shocked there's no holes in it.

This is the colour it came. And it doesn't smell. Now I'm so beside myself about smelling, which I have been for the last six months since I was told at the gym I smell. That you stink. The lady at the gym told you you stink. It's funny, I've been working out for an hour and a half.

It'd be weird if I didn't stink at this stage, but I don't smell. Yeah, I know, but funny, I've been working out for an hour and a half. It'd be weird if I didn't stink at this stage, but I don't smell. Yeah, I know, but it looks like you do. It does look like I smell. Anyway, tomorrow we won't be bullying, but today, ooh, T-shirt, ooh, you're so manky and gross, and I'm going to make you take that T-shirt off and change it. I can't look at it any longer.

Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. YouTube have announced that they are finally cracking down on fake trailers. Do you know who got them? I always fall for these. I like them. Do you know who really got targeted? Friends Reunion. Do you remember this? Like so many people were like, it's the Friends Reunion

trailer. We've all waited for it. And it was all like they'd edit it together and I was like, oh my god. Nope. And every time you'd be like, no it's not it, is it? Yeah. Yeah. So how are they going to crack down on this? Because there's so many like-

I just think it's so clever the way people do it. They're doing like sequels and- They're doing it not because they want to, they're making something creative. They're trying to get our money right in views. I don't care. Is that the idea? Good on them.

I guess so. They put in an effort. Oh, right. They're like, it's not a moral thing for them. Yeah. They're just like, we want them cut. And that's what they've said. They are cracking down on the channels that profit from fake footage and from trailers.

So there have been so many, I guess a lot of the movie companies and TV companies have been complaining for a long time. Yeah. And now with AI generation, it's very easy for these people to turn around stuff pretty quickly. I love them. A little fantasy about a sequel to a movie you loved once, it was never going to come back.

And then they just make, like people go to so much effort. But I, yeah, I've done that where you see a movie's coming out and you Google the trailer and the first three or four things are all fake and you're just like, yeah, it's in a trailer. Yeah. Great. Totally. I fell for that again. Yeah. I see that. I can see, I'm looking

on your screen. I'm peeping. He's peeping over the shoulder. I'm peeping, Tom, over your shoulder. I see the Fantastic Four is one that they've, because that was shocking. The amount of fake Fantastic Four trailers online was crazy. And now there are actual trailers.

Yeah. But yeah, it'd be like new trailer and you'd watch it. This isn't. I like the creativity of it, but this isn't. It does sound like they aren't going to delete them. So they're going to demonetize them. Yeah, right. Which could mean that they stop bothering.

Then there's less of them. Is that because that's a copyright issue? Yeah. They demonetize it. Right. Yeah, because they're making money off, you know, the movie company's IP. Do you remember when

movie trailers, like movie trailers now are art, like beautiful. Do you remember when it was all just like coming this summer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a voiceover. One woman's journey to self-love.

Yeah, yeah. And the one guy voice is back. He did it all. Something Dave, he's dead now. He died. Is that why we Fond, he's dead now. He died. Is that why we don't use them anymore? No, I think it just fell out of fashion.

No, the art of the trailer is, like, amazing. Yeah. And that's why I'm kind of like. The other part about trailers is where a 90s grunge or rock song is covered by a female choir. You love that, don't you? I'm a creep. Shut up.

Couldn't be more normal Come as you are Oh yeah Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day Day, day, day, day Contraception we're here at Fact of the Day. Yes.

Today, I would like to tell you about the, give you the rundown of the scientific paper, the effects of gender and Birth Control Use on the Spontaneous Blink Rates. What? Yolton, Yolton, Lopez, Bogner, Stevens and Rao came together to work on this. This is contraception. And this is the story.

To clarify conflicting claims and major references about gender difference and spontaneous blink rates. So they were like, women blink more than men. Yeah. Because we can never believe what you're saying. So we were like, women blink more than men. Yeah. Because we can never believe what you're saying. So we're like, excuse me? Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

What? You did what? What was that idiocy coming out of your mouth? So they got 59 males and 86 females, 44 of which were on birth control pills. Blink rates measured over five minutes. A Schirmer test and tear breakup time

were also recorded. I don't know who those two are. I'm not here to tell you about the Schirmer test. Schirmer. Oh, how good would a Schirmer be right now? Oh my God, a Schirmer. I'd take a Schirmer with chips in it. Oh my God.

The Schirmer test is a tear test that assesses the amount of tears in the eyes and is frequently used to diagnose dry eye syndrome. Oh, yeah. So that was taken into account but did not play a major part. So the blink rates, the mean blink rates. The females on birth control blinked 19.6 times a minute. Females not on birth control blinked 14.9 blinks a minute.

So over five more blinks a minute. And the females that are on birth control, men, 14.9 blinks a minute. So over five more blinks a minute in the females that are on birth control. Men, 14.5 blinks per minute. So the birth control definitely had an effect. Yes. Wide individual differences within each group. Does it have to do with the dryness? Caused by the... No, because they did the Shermer test.

Okay. No direct correlation with contact lens use, tear metrics because they did the Shermer test okay no direct correlation with contact lens use tear metrics Shermer Shermer age menstrual cycle phase

or room conditions but the major difference was the females that were on birth control blinked 32% blank they're blank

yeah you blanked you idiot yeah because when he was a kid he was Benny Blinko yeah but now he's an adult he's Benny Blinko yeah you're right I he's an adult, he's Benny Blanko. Yeah.

You're right, I'm wrong. I'll say it. How many times did you just blank? Yeah. Not blinked. How many times I blinked? That's, of course. What a silly.

Oh yeah, I runned to the dairy. Yeah. I ran. If you're about to blink, it's a blink. It's a blank. In the future, I will blink. Yeah. I will blink.

I blink. I blink. I blank. Yeah. Perfect. So birth control appeared to increase the blink rate by 32% in women. So this is another thing that birth control messes with. Wow.

Wow. Wow. And men still won't get one. Am I right? We cannot put up with enough, you know? We love when women blink. Shows off the eyelashes. We do flutter.

We do flutter. They flutter the eyelashes. So they don't know why? It's just a correlation. The mechanism behind the increase is still unknown, but it's not a dryness thing. It's not a contact lens thing. It's not a menstrual cycle thing or an age thing.

So you can work out. So it's a hormone thing. If you watched a woman. You're on a date. You're on a date. You're on a date. You don't want to ask and presume. You're on birth control.

She's on birth control. She's like, how did you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What pill are you taking? Yes, man, or Laura? That's a sexy thing too, isn't it? What? I noticed you're on birth control.

How did you know? Maybe you blank. Yeah, because you blank a lot. Because you blanked. Yeah. And you're all over the show emotionally. A bit chubby, I'll say it. I can tell you've got zero sex drive.

Yeah. It's messing with you more than you even realise. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is females on birth control, blank, on average, 32% more than women who aren't. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. I've actually been seeing this a lot on my Instagram.

Don't know why I'm being targeted this with my beautiful hazel eyes, a.k.a. poo brown. Hazel's not poo brown. Yeah, it is. Greeny brown. No. Poo brown is poo brown. My eyes are poo brown. They's not pooh brown Yeah it is Greeny brown No Pooh brown is pooh brown My eyes are pooh brown They're not hazel

Mine are a little bit more greeny Than yours Mine are the most hazel Yours are the most hazel Then mine And then pooh brown Over here to my left I mean blue eyes for the win

Every time No Green eyes Green eyes Green eyes are the rarest What about bluey green eyes On someone with brown skin Oh my god

Yeah Oh my god Dark skin light eyes Vaughn's down Vaughn's down Green eyes are the rarest. What about bluey green eyes on someone with brown skin? Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. Dark skin, light eyes. Vaughn's down. Vaughn's down. Dark skin, light eyes. Vaughn's down.

I mean, if you're curating the perfect person, dark skin, light eyes. I'm back. All I'm talking about. We're talking about light, greeny eyes with brown skin. Oh, down he goes. He's down again. He's down. He's down. I have had a fall.

My eye flow is like, have you had a fall? And my watch is like, it looks like you've taken a tumble. Oh, it's a bad joy. Don't call the emergency services. I'm okay. I did fall, but I'm okay.

I'm talking about eye colour because I've seen this a lot. People, you can get this surgery now. Oh my God, why are you doing this? Where they get a needle in behind, because I've seen tattooed whites of the eyes, but they get a needle.

Where's Borlam? I know, freaky friends. You get a needle in behind the iris and they inject an ink that changes the colour of your eyes. No. Like this woman here, who has changed her eyes from brown to blue. Now, it looks blue,

but the interesting thing on this particular post is that she hasn't told her husband she's doing this. She's going to go home and be like, you're my brown-eyed girl. And she'll be like, no. Blue. Record scratch. How the hell have they done that? How the bloody hell? There's so many people. But how does the ink change a

darker colour to a lighter colour? Makes me feel a bit sick. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I'm going to go down again. Yeah, I feel like I can go down. Not for a sexy reason. Oh, yuck, yeah. But more just like something so altering, you don't need permission,

but don't even telling your husband that you're doing this. We want to know this morning, what did you do without telling your partner first? Maybe it was like a big makeover change. Well, maybe you said you were getting one tattoo while you were in Melbourne, and as you were taking a photo of that tattoo to send to your Well, maybe you said you were getting one tattoo while you were in Melbourne, and as you were taking a photo of that tattoo to send to your partner, maybe Aaron, he was like, and what's that other one on your calf?

And I hadn't told him about that one. So you'd got – And then I said, wait till you turn around. There's two more on the back. Right. So you got a bit carried away. I got a bit carried away. Right.

Okay. But again, it's not like – It's not. I don't need his permission. He was just like, what's happening? Yeah. Okay. But again, it's not like. It's not, I don't need his permission. He doesn't have. He was just like, what's happening? Yeah. Or maybe you put your house on the market and you're like, we're moving.

You do find that with some couples though. There's one that just is in charge and they just make a decision. Hey, I booked flights for us to go to Australia. I've just brought a new car. You'll love it. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah.

That's a very expensive car. I feel like that's something we would have talked about. We would have discussed that as a team. Yeah. I know. Can we go back to talking

about brown people with greeny blue eyes, please? Wow! They're the best people! Okay, so we need you to call now if you're a brown person with greeny... No, no, no, no, no.

No, we don't need you to call. God, I'm trying to drive here. Sorry. We want you to DM us your pictures if you're a brown person with greeny... No, no, no, no, sorry. No, you're off track. God, I'm trying to drive here. We want you to DM us your pictures if you are a brown person with green eyes. But what we want you to do, listeners, is to text us 9696 or call 0800DARLS.M. What is the thing that you did without telling your partner first? Or your partner did without telling you and you hit the roof. What's this? 0800DARLS.M.

This is the child I adopted for us. Okay, that's something you discuss with your partner. I think so. 0800-DARLS.M is the number 9696. I'll get the ball rolling. Okay. I'll kick this rock down the hill and create an avalanche. My dad took a job in Nelson and didn't tell my mum we lived in Dunedin.

He just came home one day and said, guess where we're moving? Dad, no. Dad, that's a discussion as a family. That's a discussion. Dad, you're crazy. You're crazy, Dad. Although's a discussion as a family. That's a discussion. Dad, you're crazy. You're crazy, Dad. Although Nelson is beautiful. You know, I've lived there.

It's a lovely place. And I knew this one was going to happen. My partner decided to get another girlfriend without telling me. Yeah, that's fair. All right, give us a call. Well, the woman got eye colour changing surgery without telling her husband. Let's not get into the eye surgery bit. Just went home and said, I've got blue eyes now, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah blue eyes now, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you are beautiful no matter what they say. But we want to know what you did without telling your partner first. Some of these? I know. Or maybe your partner just arrived home

and was like, I've got a new look. Amy, what happened? So my ex sitting at the dinner table, nice meal, looked up, thought something was different and realised that he'd got a toupee glued to his head without telling me. I beg your pardon, ma'am. He's wearing a toupee.

Wait, did he acknowledge it or was he like, what are you talking about? No, he did once I mentioned it, but he wasn't going to, I don't think. I do declare, madam, what an unusual move. I mean, you do see people that wear toupees and they, yeah, it's just odd. The modern ones are, like, amazing. They can be, like, incredible. But that's something you see your partner, like, I don't like my hair, I'm going to go get a toupee.

Was there any indication that a toupee was on the horizon? There was talk about it, but they're, like, five grand for the good ones. Yeah, the good ones are amazing, eh? I was at Look Sharp yesterday. They've got much cheaper ones. Yeah, they actually, though. I reckon you'd be able to tell. No, it said that no one will be able to tell that you're not the Beatles.

Wait, so Amy, because you said you're eggs, so obviously you're not still together, but how long did he rock the tube for? Oh, probably still now, I would say. Oh, wow. Did he glue it on or take it off at night? No, it stayed on until you had to, it was disgusting.

You had to, like, unpick it and then you glue it back on every couple of weeks. Every couple of weeks. Oh, no. Amy, what are your thoughts on bald brothers? I'm fine with bald brothers. Yeah. Good. You didn't, like, chuck out some chuck out some like you know I'm just thinking

he might have been sitting there and you're like oh man that hairy man he's doing it for me that hairy head and he would have been like oh man nothing like that

yeah you're like god I can't stand Jason Statham oh yeah yeah yeah tell you what who's the worst

Fletcher Vaughn from the radio disgusting Amy thank you Kerry is this you or your ex that turned up? It's me. It's you.

Okay. What did you turn up with? Well, oh, I'm sorry. I got a dog. It's what I turned up with. And you didn't tell your partner? I didn't tell my partner. I didn't.

Well, it was a birthday surprise for myself. Listen, Kerry, you sound crazy. This is something you discussed with your partner. It wasn't something I discussed at all. We just, I went out with my kids. It was like a weekday and I

was like pulling out the kids. I was like, alright, come on, let's go. We went to Queenstown, grabbed a puppy for $4,000. No! At least there was a rescue. come on, let's go. We went to Queenstown, grabbed a puppy for $4,000. No! Yeah. We meant to say grab a puppy. At least there was a rescue is what I was going to say.

No, no, we've got to figure it out. What breed of dog are we talking? It was a miniature dachshund. A little sausage dog. A little saucy dog. A mini saucy. Wow. Okay.

I'm guessing that thing ain't cheap to insure. No. You've got it insured, right? Oh, of course. Of course. The one. And so how long did it take the partner to come around to the little sausage dog? So it probably took about two weeks for him to kind of come around.

But now they're like inseparable. Okay. So you won. It was a good investment. You won. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yes, I feel like I won.

Keep your tits coming in. Thanks, Kerry. If someone spends $4,000 of your money, you've got to enjoy it. You've got to make use of it, right? Keep your tits coming in. 9696 0800. Dials it in. What did you do without telling your partner?

Want to know the things you did without telling your partner? Maybe you arrived home with a new look, a new sausage dog. Oh, hang on. Someone with brown skin and green eyes has sent a picture to the FVH Instagram. So if we've just... Right. Pause. Okay, right.

Get that up. Pause. Where's that? Just getting a little sidetracked here. Pause. Georgia Burt joins us as well. Georgia Stewart, sorry, now. Kielta.

She's from Christchurch, so... So that K where she stands on the whole brown skin, green eyes thing. That was a really brave move. I used it. No, it really upsets your parents. Yeah, but that's why they do it. That's why the Christchurch girls date the Fijian fellow in town with the local rugby team. Yeah, yeah. Keep going.

Keep going. Rock dad up. But daddy plays for Darfield. I actually used to support Darfield. Listen to this. I don't bloody know about this. I'm bloody torn. He's a fantastic winger, but, you know, thighs.

Jeez, is that Joe Burt we've got on the phone, eh? I know. What is a Flemish giant rabbit? It's where they're big-ass floppy-eared rabbits. I sent my husband a picture of a Flemish giant rabbit up for adoption while he was at work. He did not message me back saying, don't get that Flemeared rabbit. I sent my husband a picture of a Flemish giant rabbit up for adoption while he was at work. He did not message me back saying don't get that Flemish giant rabbit.

So an hour later he got a picture of our newborn Flemish giant rabbit in between our kids in the car. I don't think that, yeah, I don't think a non-reply

is consent to buy a Flemish giant rabbit. Yeah. My mother-in-law went and bought a new car and didn't say anything to my father-in-law whose other car

was a work-owned car. My husband and I are living with him at the moment. It was awkward AF when he realised what she had done. My brother-in-law got himself and his wife new jobs in a new region, and he sold their house all in 24 hours and didn't tell her. Now, you'll remember at the start of that sentence, I just said he got her a job too. So the catch, their house that he sold was in the region that they were now moving to for new jobs.

He sold was in the region too. They must have owned a house in the region. I mean, if you're just one of those laid back, do whatever people tell you to do people, then that's probably perfect. My dad retired at 50 without telling my mum he was retiring and he let my mum pay the mortgage

until she was in her 70s when she retired. Oh my gosh. Call me old fashioned but that's not very chivalrous. My mum took my dad to an open home. It was a very heavy

renovation problem. He was like, nah, I'm not really up for it. Little did he know he already owned it the day before. What? So she's like, come to an open

home, hoping that he'll be like, yes, yes, yes. And she'll be like, great. I'll refund. I did it. I've done it. I'll sign the papers. My husband bought a bus from the South Island to do up as a house bus to travel. We are not DIYers. And we hate camping. Pretty well, he got the bus. It's like a campground on

wheels, you know. Stop taking birth control. I made a baby without telling my husband, but he knows how it works. So is that my fault or his? Oh, my God. Actually, it takes two to ten to go. That's wild.

My partner came home from a week away at a block course to a racehorse that I purchased. Still do not know why he was so surprised. Yeah, but you shouldn't be surprised. It's horse people. It's horse girls. Yeah. Here's another one. And they come into the house and they've got a smile and they. Yeah, but you shouldn't be surprised. It's horse people. It's horse girls. Here's another one.

And they come into the house and they've got a smile and they're like, guess what I did? Yes. 95% of the time it's bought another horse. Here's another one. My uncle came home and asked, why the hell is there a horse float in the driveway? And my auntie said, to move the horse that I bought.

Oh, God. So not only also has the trailer. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? On what? Well, I'm going to rephrase trailer. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. What? Born what? Well, I'm going to rephrase it.

Okay. Because they're very blunt. And when I read this out in a Vaughan Smith rephrase, you'll see maybe you'll be able to guess what happened. I was at a work conference in Sydney. I had recently turned 40 and I was like, heck, why not? I didn't consult my partner before I got genitalia piercing. Oh, wow.

Okay. I mean, your body. That is from a woman. Yeah. Okay. Because she specifically names a part. Do those beep in the metal detector? Or the one where you put your arms up?

No, because my earrings don't. Certain ones don't. Yeah, but if her one ever beeps in the metal detector, get rid of it. There's a natural outcome. Okay. Yeah. But if hers beeps in the metal detector and the guy who's on customs

tries to find where the middle is, he'll never be able to find it. Yeah, that was good. Really good. Where? Georgia's got yours. Where? Yeah, she's there now. That's where the piercing was.

It's right there at the top. Where? And he's like, I just can't see. Where's the middle? No, there's nothing down there. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through,

you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.