ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - May 16th, 2025

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

We've hit NZ achievement Clothesline in the middle of the street Are we dating the same person lawsuit NZ Drivers are the slowest Top 6 Signs of a lego theif The do-not-disturb hat SLP is your bestie the opposite sex? Fletch is going to be famous! How spoilt is your pet? Friday Flashback The one piece of relationship advice to live by Fletch restaurant request  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network,

this is Fleshborn and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Thanks, Bryn. Good morning.

Welcome to the show. Fletchbourne and Hayley, happy Friday. Happy anti-bullying day as well. Pink shirt day. Might I just say... I personally think every day should be anti-bullying day. Might I just say I love you both very much. I love you too.

Thank you. And you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. Fantastic. Okay, we. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. Fantastic. Okay, we're wearing our pink shirts. Yeah, we do look actually fab in this little baby pink.

Do I look like a baby pink? Yeah, you do. You do, actually. It makes your eyes look very blue. My big hazels. Yeah, your big hazels. The big hazellas. The station for hazel-eyed people.

Add to Cart returns at 8 o'clock this morning. Listen out after the news at 8 for the first item, giving away a whole bunch of amazing stuff for the home, all thanks to Wonder Roof Property. Also, after that at 8 o'clock, Hayley, it's your pick for Friday Flashback. And because it's New Zealand Music Month, we've gone for a Kiwi Flashback. We have, and then I've organised a little treat. It's Dave Dobbin, isn't it?

No, it's not Dave Dobbin. I've got Dave Dobbin. Something a little bit more on demo for me. And when I grew up. And the obsession I had over this band and continue to have and they are the most wonderful women and maybe I've organised

a little bit of a chit chat after my banger. It's coming up at 8 o'clock. Also on the show today you may have heard that Wrexham AFC are coming down under. This is the club that Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney purchased during COVID. Because Rob McElhenney always wanted to own a sports club, but American sports teams are too expensive. I think they might be making money off Wrexham now to buy a bloody American sports team.

Yeah, because then they did the doco. Yeah, so there's been four seasons of that, which is fantastically put together. Yeah, you're a big fan. So they're going to play Wellington Phoenix at Sky Stadium in July. We're going to give away some tickets later in the show. That'll be so fun. So if you want to win a double pass,

make sure you keep listening this morning. The top six. Is it at the Cagton? Yeah, it is. It's fun. They don't like that. They like to call it Sky Stadium, Double pass. Make sure you keep listening this morning. Caketon? Is it the Caketon? Yeah, it is. Fun. They don't like that. They like to call it Sky Stadium because Skype had a lot of money.

Oh, shush. But if I was Sky, I'd have a sense of humour and call it Sky Caketon. Sky Caketon. Yeah. Sky Caketon. Totally.

Vaughan, the top six? Yeah, a Lego thief, a prolific, we go, we go, we go, we stole my waggles, has been caught in West Auckland

at the top six signs. The Lego thief was West Auckland all along. Also coming up, there's been quite a bizarre crime. I don't, I wouldn't count, I wouldn't count this as a crime. Well, it is, well, Is it vandalism?

It's vandalism. It's more like vandalism. A bizarre story from Christchurch we must discuss soon. But let's start off next celebrating a huge achievement. Play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley. Congratulations, Aotearoa. We've officially reached 5,330,600 kids. Wow.

Even with everybody moving to Australia. Everyone moving? Yeah, I guess so. 330,600 Wow Even It's our population Even with everybody Moving to Australia Everyone moving Yeah I guess so Again because more people Are coming in Right

We're replacing them We're replacing them With spicier versions I want to know When When we hit our markers Because I can remember I can distinctly remember

Hitting 5 mil Hitting 4 and 5 Same I remember hitting 4 Well this is These are figures Based on the 2023 census Why does Okay question

That's the estimate For the 31st of March 2025 I'm going to ask ChatGPT Why does census Take so like Long time I know And they don't even ask you

Really interesting stuff Yeah they bring out All these questions And all these results Like two years later And you're like Yeah we can count the vote overnight. Yeah.

We'll just feed it in a machine and... Yeah. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Okay, here's two interesting things. There are slightly more women.

2,680. Nice. 2.680, basically. Good for us lads, eh? And 2,650. Not great for the gays, is it? Numbers in our favour. Because all the gays kept moving to Melbourne and Sydney.

No, it's great. More gays and then that means more women for the rest of us. I don't even really know what I'm saying. Yuck. That sounded gross. Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just trying to appeal to a certain demographic. Failed badly.

Yeah, it's alright. You're all good. No, that already did it. Leave it for the rest of us. The median age, so like the average age of the men in this country, 37.3. That's the middle. Not average age, sorry. The middle where it meets.

Right. Right? The median age for women is 38.9. I just realized I'm pretty close to that. You're the medium age. Nearly. So the women are slightly older. That'll be because they live longer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just take better care of ourselves. We've got a time bomb in ourselves called a prostate. Owls are our breasts. And cervix. Tickety-boo. Tickety-boo. Oh yeah, I found... Okay, what did GPT say?

In 1908 we hit a million. In 1952 we hit two million. So that's a long time to hit. Yeah. From one to two. And then 20 years later we hit three million. We're hoping. And then 30 years, we hit 2 million. So that's a long time to hit. Yeah. From one to two. And then 20 years later, we hit 3 million. We're hoping. And then 30 years later, we hit 4 million. Slow down.

When did we hit? 4 million in 2003 and then 5 million in 2020. Yeah. So that's a bit quicker. That's 17 years between millions. So over the last year, our population has grown by 47,200. Yeah, because lots. I know they were talking about net migration, right?

They said, we're getting lots of people moving here, but we're getting so many people leaving. Yeah, so it's migrant arrivals minus departures. So. Did they say how many, like, hot South Americans? Do you want to ask? I wish they could break it down. How many spicy browns are coming in?

You know what I mean? How many beautiful double browns are we getting in? Well, look, I mean, the next milestone will be 6 mil, won't it? Yeah. But I always like,

I know everyone's like, we don't want to turn into a crowded place like London or, you know, like the UK or something. Yeah. But whenever I fly

over New Zealand, I'm like, man, we got room. Yeah, isn't it like 80 or 90% of our land is uninhabited? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's nice

because that means you can go for a nice walk and it's quiet. No, it's nice. I really like when it's quiet. No, it's nice. I really like when it's quiet. Okay, 2001 census. Approximately... I just want everyone to know

he's got his glasses on the tip of his nose. I've decided this is... I'm almost ready for this. The dad one that takes his glasses off even though he should just keep them on all the time

and then when he puts them on just down the nose a little bit. Just down the nose. Yeah. 2001 census. Approximately 3,733 individuals born in South American countries resided in New Zealand.

That's not enough. That's not enough. That's not enough. Not nearly enough. In 2006, the number rose to 6,500, indicating a significant increase over those five years. This has been influenced

by working holiday schemes. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Introduced in 2001, these programs allow the young people from the countries of... Please.

Chile. Beautiful. Argentina, Brazil. Good raspberries in Chile. We get a lot of our frozen raspberries from Chile. Is that an analogy or is that literal raspberries? No, that's literally on the back of the raspberry packet, Vaughan. Brazil, Peru and Uruguay are able to travel to New Zealand. Uruguay? Oh, sorry. It's pink shirt day.

What did you call me? Uruguay. Oh, sorry. It's pink shirt day. What'd you call me? Uruguay. You're a bloody guay. You call me a guay? Uruguay. And the one in the wheelchair is the Paraguay. I'm going home now. That was terrible.

You're done. I'm done. That was... Which one of us is doing a comedy show today I said that joke on seven days once

and it was the second most complained thing I've ever said on television so you just say it on the radio now yeah don't drag us

it's a different audience don't drag us down do you want to know the most complained about thing I I think no don't bring it up

let her rest Hayley and I are going to have to move to it might be. No, don't bring it up. No. Let her rest. Hayley and I are going to have to move to South. You know what it is. I know what it is. Don't bring it up. You know, don't say that again. Hayley and I are going to have to move to South America. Oh, no.

Just to escape. Fletchy, no. I'll have to come too. Oh, no. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. In Christchurch on, I believe it's Salisbury Street. Oh, I know Salisbury. Salisbury Street. Do you say, because posh people say Salisbury.

Salisbury. I had to say Salisbury. Yeah, I had to say Salisbury. Well, overnight, on Thursday night, overnight, Wednesday into Thursday. Oh, okay. So not last night. In the middle of a footpath. You're in the middle of a footpath. Hey, it's anti-bullying day. Sorry.

On the middle of a footpath on Salis it's anti-bullying day. Sorry. On the middle of a footpath on Salisbury Street, a clothesline appeared full of clothes. I saw like a rotary, like a classic Kiwi rotary clothesline. Do you know what?

Which I am in the market. I'm thinking about installing one. I'm in the market for one because ours broke. Yeah, yours is crap. They're classic.

I ripped it out. And then I just got sick of it not working so I cut it off at the base. But you know what? You can't get a rotary. I know. They're so ugly. They're classic. I ripped it out. And then I just got sick of it not working, so I cut it off at the base. But you know what? You can't. They're so ugly.

They're awful, but they just dry clothes. They get the job done. And so much acreage for hanging. I've had those bougie pull-down. No, I've had those. Trash. They're a Kiwi icon. Were they invented in Australia?

Yeah, Australia. Remember there was a fact of the day once about the origins of them. The first ones were made out of piping that was put under the Sydney Harbour Bridge to stop Japanese submarines getting in. Amazing. Well, they're a Kiwi institution, an Australian institution, but there is one in the middle of a footpath, and people don't know if it's like an art installation or if it's a joke,

but it's been drilled into the concrete. There's a pipe that's been put in and then the washing line into that. So looking at the clothing, just sort of your run-of-the-mill clothing, we've got some singlets, some hoodies, a flannel shirt, a light jumper, a running top. It's right next to a car park.

So there are lots of townhouses and houses around that area, but not like immediately next to it. I think it's Banksy. It's got big, yeah, it's got big kind of art installation gorilla vibes. Especially all the photos of people having to duck under the clothes. Duck under, it's so funny. I'd probably just go around it. It's so funny.

Oh, it's got one of those proper concrete anchors too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'm just going to be able to slip out the washing line and then pull it out. I imagine it may have been taken out yesterday because this story hit the news kind of yesterday afternoon and apparently Christchurch Council were made aware of it and said that they were looking into it.

I think it's so funny. So I'm sure if it's still there, but it may still just be there in the middle of the footpath. Can we get some confirmation, please, if you walk past it today? Yeah, that's very funny. It's so bizarre. Or is it just some, like, students that, like, pulled it out of some nana's backyard and then drew it?

But then to drill into concrete. Who did the solution? That's also insanely noisy, drilling concrete. Yeah, something would have hurt. So, yeah. I don't know how anybody got away with that without someone being like, what are you doing? Why are you drilling a hole?

No, but if you're in high-vis. High-vis in a white ute. You get away with anything. It's so funny. And someone came at you like, sorry, we're just going to be a problem here with the footpath. I just think as Kiwis we've got such a great sense of humour. I like it.

Yeah, we do. Yeah. Better than a bomb. You know what? Not a truer sentence has been said. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Just the one animate?

Animates. You said animate yesterday. And I was like, the original. Animates. Thanks to animates. And then when they had two stalls, they're like, it just makes no sense that we're not pluralized. No, it's animates.

You just didn't hear me right. No, no, no. You definitely just said animate. You definitely said animate more than once. Yep. Carwin confirming. Animates. Okay, so I'm going crazy.

Yeah, you've lost your mind. Wheel me off a wall. Just slowly push me off a wall. Slowly push me. And make sure it's a heavy wheelchair. Okay, now we've talked about this group before. A worldwide Facebook group called Are We Dating the Same

Guy? And I believe they're in New Zealand ones. They kind of break out into regions. Yeah, totally. Are you telling me guys are dirtbags everywhere? Do you know what? It's a global thing. It's a worldwide thing. So there was a man who actually tried to sue Meta, Facebook,

and the women in charge of this sort of bigger group because he was featured on it. And we talked about this at the time when he had done this. It is weird. I'm watching this kind of thing unfold. David Farrier on his webworm newsletter did this outing of when Lorde released

the promo shot for a new single, what was that? And she was like sweating or had a wet face. How many men publicly posted, publicly posted the like filthy comments? Yeah. So they publicly commented on public stories. And then he did a collation. David did a sort of a collation.

Montage? Collation? Collage. Yeah. Sure. He did a paper. He got paper and glue and sort of scrapbooked them. I'm just going to hold on. A collation. Yeah, a collation. Get paper. He got paper and glue and sort of scrapbooked them. I'm just going to hold on.

A collation. Yeah, a collation. Get the brain, the blood clot out of the brain. He collated all of them. Yeah, and these guys are like trying to take legal action against them.

He's like, you said it. It's public. It's a public forum. You said this on a public forum. Yeah. What do you, yeah. Yeah. How do you think this all works?

These people, you're cheating. Women are allowed to figure it out. But no, you're using online means. No, that's not true on this all works. These people, you're cheating. Women are allowed to figure it out. But no, we're using online means. No, that's not true on this page, though. A guy might not be cheating. He's just seeing someone, and a woman is posting his photo.

Same as anybody else seeing this guy. That's the whole idea of this page. Totally. And that's why people have an issue with this. Yeah, because they're like, don't put me up looking like a dirtbag. And anytime anybody sees a bald guy with a beard, they're like, hey, put me up looking like a dirt bag. And anytime anybody sees a bald guy with a beard, they're like,

hey Vaughan, this guy looks exactly like you. White and bald. Yeah, we're not even, we're poles apart. Yeah, I know.

Well, it was taken to court because yeah, the guy was like, I was put on this page and I don't want to be on here. And as of yesterday, it was thrown out,

tossed out. They were like, nah, this is not a thing. It's not holding. It's not a defamation, they were saying. Because it's not inherently damaging. And you have to prove that you've been damaged?

Yeah. Yeah. And it was required that he had to say that his photo was being used for commercial purposes, which it wasn't either, which would have helped him. So basically, he just got chucked out, and the group lives on sharing photos of people that they're hooking up with and being like,

are we dating the same guy? It's so crazy. I've been in this group before. It's so crazy the amount of times that people are like, yeah, babe, last week I was in there. There was a specific New Zealand one. Yeah, I think there is. That was crazy.

New Zealand's just more for that stuff. It's called something else, but I can't remember what the New Zealand one. Yeah, I think there is. And I remember that was crazy. New Zealand's just more for that stuff. It's called something else, but I can't remember what the New Zealand one is. Did you leave it? Was it too much? Yeah, it was just, it's just like, I don't know, it gets a bit toxic in there. Yeah.

Which is not me. Do you know what I mean? That kind of toxic gossiping. Yeah, unless you want to check if you end up dating a guy. If you want to check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woman supporting woman.

Yeah. No, I would just, I would get, yeah, yeah. Woman supporting woman. Yeah. No, I would just, I would get investigative if I went over to a person's house. Yeah, I'd do it on my own bat. Yeah, me too. I wouldn't be publicly doing that. I'd bring a black light and I'd bring tweezers and I'd be pulling out hairs. Yeah, yeah. You'd do a stakeout.

That's why I had to stop wearing woman's panties. Yes. It's the only reason. It's the only reason why you had to stop. What are you talking about I'm just saying It's going to be one of those days I just look really good

In a boy leg I look really good In a boy leg A boy leg is just A slightly shorter brief The first time I put one on It literally said boy leg I was like

I'm a boy with legs Yeah And I quite like it The way it hugs the tush It does something else A brief does not. Yeah, it does. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, New Zealand drivers have ranked amongst the world's slowest. There was a global study. It looked at 140 countries. New Zealand ranked outside the top 100 fastest driving countries. That's good. This isn't a problem. It's not a problem.

Do you know what it is, though? It's we've got so many windy, windy roads. Country roads. I also. If you look at the top countries with like the fastest speeds. Yes, go. Italy. No, Germany, go. Italy. Germany.

No, Germany surprisingly isn't But that's not a speed limit on the Autobahn. They have the Autobahn. It was North America it was United States and Canada because they've just got those huge highways. Like straight roads that just go on and on and on. So the US has a... But those do have a speed limit.

They do. They do. They do. The US has 109.5 kilometre average speed for long distances, while Canada was at 107.9. Oman, you've been to Oman? Oh, yeah. I stayed there for three months. 104.7?

Yeah, pretty fast. Deserts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lots of roundabouts at Oman. Croatia? I've driven in Croatia. 102.9. Like, yeah, yeah. Lots of roundabouts at Oman. Croatia. I've driven in Croatia. 102.9. Like, good motorways, but I remember the speed limit on some of the roads being 130 or 140.

Kilometres. Yeah. Kilometres an hour. Yeah, kilometres. Like, you just had a straight... You just had a straight expressway, like, similar to the Waikato Expressway. I just pin it. And it would be 140.

You'd be like, oh, okay. I was in Italy last year, because my parents drive around, obviously, and when you're going on the big highways, man, like, they drive mad. Oh, people crazy. Well, the Italians did invent the Ferrari and the Lamborghini. Yeah, they literally are zhoom. So Germany's average speed,

despite having the Autobahn, is 93.9 kilometres. Oh, God, that's got big forms. So New Zealand's average speed is 62.1km Over a long distance But again we've got windy roads We've got no passing lanes

You get stuck behind a Brit's camper Lots of little towns We stop to 50 Yeah we're not big Again it's not a bad thing I've driven in South America and Central America Some of the craziest drivers Oh my god sometimes you are just holding on for dear life overseas.

Oh, Southeast Asia, when you're in a tiny, maybe it's a Toyota. Yeah, but at least it's congested. No, when they get on that, we were on the motorway from Central Bangkok to the airport in Bangkok once. Oh, that airport. And the dude was doing 145 Ks an hour in this really old piece of shit. And I kept saying, hey, bro, bro, bro, can you slow down?

Can you slow down? But because I made him put on, you know how they're always like, do it for 200 baht or whatever. And you're like, nah, start the meter, please. And they don't like that. I thought you were going to say, I made him put on Celine Dion.

Yeah, same. I thought he was going to say a song selection. Can I plug in the aux? Because I've got a playlist for when I'm going to die. I did it in Thailand too, that same motorway from Bangkok into the airport. And he was going so fast. I kept putting my hand on the dash

and he was looking at me and laughing and laughing and laughing. And saying to my friend, she's scared, she's scared. And my friend was in the back like, yeah, we're scared. We're all scared, dude. Oh, God. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the unmoderated comment section, this is the top six.

Lego, Lego everywhere. A 39-year-old man was captured in West Auckland for stealing Lego sets all across the North Island. Was he just going into stores and walking out with boxes or something? Ah, they were all

recovering a search warrant. They were highly valuable, both from people from stores and from, like, supply spots. Jeepers.

It's a problem when they make collectibles. You've got to get all of them. Yeah, you've got to get them all. Yeah, exactly. Last year, police,

because I thought there was a high-profile Lego theft case last year, and there was. It was a 45-year-old woman and a 34-year-old man. They stole $20,000 worth. Is it just because it sells so much? If people can get a box?

I guess so. They sell it and it's not traceable. It's not traceable. We can huck it on Marketplace and try to sell it for slightly cheaper than retail because it's not like you need a guarantee from an outlet, you know? Yeah, crazy. So you're going to take it back and be like,

oh, the Lego's not working. Because it's too hard. Grow up, you know? Grow up. Get a man hobby. Oh, Lego's a man hobby? It's a child hobby. Which is embarrassing

going to prison for like a criminal thing and it's Lego. Oh, Legos? I know, what are you in here? Drugs. What are you in here for? Big crimes. What are you in here for? Mojito, I see. Mojito. I stole some Legos? I know. What are you in here? Drugs. What are you in here for? Big crimes.

What are you in here for? Moida, I see. Moida. I stole some Legos. Well, I like the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief. Okay. Called him West Auckland. Assumed West Aucklander.

Number six on the list. He's building a Holden Commodore entirely out of Lego. Yeah. All right. That's why he needs so many pieces. You need a lot of pieces. It's a whole Hold whole incommodore. How do you build the wheels?

Lots of other Lego wheels. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief. He doesn't say, let's go. He says, Lego, and then looks around waiting for a laugh. Oh, God. It's not coming, though, is it? No.

A laugh, no. He'll be for a laugh. Oh, God. It's not coming, though, is it? No. A laugh, no. He'll be waiting a while. Number four on the list of the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief. All of his Lego minifigures have mullet haircuts. Oh, yeah, the helmet. Yeah. Great little, pop the hair on there, and it's just long and flowing and beautiful. Number three on the list of the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief.

His bourbon can holder, because you need a can holder because when you hold it, it goes warm in your hand. Yep. Usually made out of neoprene. Wetsuit material. Yes. Or one of those posh ones. Yeah, you can get some nice. I've got a husky.

I've got a husky one. I've got a husky one. Nice. Very posh. I don't. Very posh. Very nice. Keeps the cans cool.

Keeps them cool. Well, it's made out of Lego. Okay. Nice. Would you think they would keep it cool? Not really. Probably. Well, it's made out of Lego. Okay, nice. Do you think they would keep it cool? Not really. Probably. Well, no, because you're not touching it, right? It's the contact with your hand.

Yeah, right. Yeah, but it's the insulation. I don't know if plastic Lego, maybe. I reckon Lego would be quite insulated because it's double-walled plastic. Well, why don't you live in a Lego house this winter and tell us how that goes? I will, Ed Sheeran. Build me one. How warm is that?

Number two on the list of the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief. He keeps accidentally sucking on his Lego removal device. You know that orange thing for getting the bricks apart?

Because he's got it in his hand and it's about vape size. Oh, yeah, you're right. Are you telling me there's a tool to take Lego apart? What, you're just using your fingernail like this?

No, I just use my teeth. Yeah, teeth in the 90s. Far out. We need a stack of flat ones and you're like, uh-oh. It's this. It's the orange. No one has the brick separator. Okay, A.

And it's like a Swiss Army knife. We had like a tub of Toro. Yeah, dude, we had Toro as well. New Zealand. And so hardly had any Lego. And B, I've never seen that in my life. You've never seen this? No. Because you guys don't do Lego. You B, I've never seen that in my life. You've never seen this. Because you guys don't do Lego.

You know why, though? This generation. We can't even pull Lego to bits. My fingernails. I just had them dead. You'd use your teeth and you'd leave like big gnaw marks in it. So you don't. This is like a.

It looks like it shouldn't work, but it does. Busy cancelling everybody and not able to pull Lego apart. Toughen up. Harden up. I'm going to say harden up. What do you reckon? That's where this generation's gone wrong. Yeah. They weren't chewing Lego apart. Yeahen up. Harden up. I'm going to say harden up. What do you reckon that's where this generation's gone wrong?

Yeah. They weren't chewing Lego apart. Yeah, you've got to get your teeth in there. Chip a couple of teeth. Yeah, exactly. We didn't have sets

back in the day. We just got a buckle of it, didn't we? Yeah. Use something you might have heard of called imagination. We just had a big

plastic tub and you just tipped it upside down and that was it. Genuine Lego though, so shame. I just really liked it. I really liked the sets. Well, you went to a

private school, of course you had genuine Lego. Yeah, we had real Lego. A whole box of genuine Lego. Yeah shame I really liked it I really liked the set well you went to a private school of course you had genuine Lego yeah we had real Lego with a whole box of genuine Lego yeah dude like that bit wow rich massive bucket

number one on the list of the top six ways to spot the West Auckland Lego thief he's going through so many Lego tires because he loves doing skids in his Lego car yeah of course

yeah so many they're not cheap those Lego tires they add up mate they bloody add up. That's today's top six. I need this. I'm a very easily and very happily distracted woman.

If I have to focus on a task for too long, I'm bored. And I want something else to do. Yeah. Now. I relate to that. Yeah, yeah. I just can't. And I've seen versions of this where people, I've seen versions to do. Yeah. Now. I relate to that. Yeah, yeah. I just can't. And I've seen versions of this

where people, I've seen versions of this. Yeah. Where people. I've done versions of this. Yeah, and the people be in an office and they'll be known to be the office. Did you see them in the office?

I've seen them in the office and they've done their work. They're trying to do their work. Okay. And they'll have, someone will put a sticker on their back saying like, do not disturb.

Oh, you have seen these videos. Don't talk to me. Do not talk to me. I am easily, I'm a yacker. I'm easily distracted. I'm a yacker and I'm easily distracted. Okay, here is the next level of it. This woman has her, she's brought her own do not disturb hat.

It is a sequined koala beanie, like the head of a koala, which I would like. And little pom-poms. And she makes an announcement to her office, when I am wearing this hat, I am not to be disturbed or distracted. Look at her. She looks silly and she announces to the office this hat and that's who did it. When she's wearing that, we do not

disturb. Don't come to me, don't say, should we go get a coffee? Why not just put headphones on and bury yourself in your chair and your desk like everybody else? Because I'll just keep taking my headphones out and being like, what was that? What are you guys laughing about? What are you saying? Oh, I imagine if they were laughing at someone in the office and it wasn't you.

What are we laughing at? Fill me in, fill me in. Oh, I think the moment's gone. No, no, no. Replay it, replay it, replay it. I missed it. I'll take these out because I feel like I'm missing too much. This is great.

I need this. Especially when I'm writing my comedy show. And if you're coming tonight, please know, man, I only just finished it. Okay. I was expecting, because I'm going tonight. We're all, a big group of friends are going and they're expecting, you know, top quality. I have chucked this thing together. Good to know.

Just put in some ingredients in the sink and that's what I'm going to pour down your throats tonight. Right. Well, you made the drink in the sink. Yeah, made the show. Sorry, I'm just distracted. And this is why I need to not be distracted is because Carwen's opened our last almond gold.

And that's actually, I was going to split it between the three of us. It's the last emergency almond gold. Get your mouth off of that. Oh, by the way, I'll say Whittakers have missed the trick here. We talk about almond golds five times a day. Actually, so often we talk about almond gold.

Have we received any almond golds? We have not received any almond golds. No, it's sad. We paid for these. Is almond gold our favourite chocolate? There's a little almond gold, like the peanut slabs, but in the almond gold? Of course.

Yeah. It's either that or the coconut one. You can see how easily distracted we are. I don't even know where we started talking. Well, we started talking about things in the office and not being- Distraction hat. Yeah. But all I can see is Carlin's opened the last almond gold.

That's the last in the triple pack. That's always the best tasting almond gold too. That's the best one. The last one. And we were just going to have a third each. The first one you guts, don't you? You always guts the first one. And then you think-

Second one you're like, I'm going to have to enjoy that because I guts the first one. And then you guts the second one. You're like third almond gold. You've got to be the saviour. I've the first one and then you guts the second one. You're like third arm and gold. You've got to be the saviour. I've got to eat you before you get soft. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole,

silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Today's Silly Little Pole. How good was that almond gold split three ways? Brought to you by almond gold. It's not brought to you by almond gold. Can I start selling out segments of the show just in the hope that I'll get free chocolate?

No. Is that not how this works? It's not. It's fuelled by almond gold because we just had it. But we paid for it. That's a great way. Rather than saying brought to not. It's fuelled by almond gold because we just had it. But we paid for it. That's a great way. Brother's name brought to you by. Fuelled by almond gold.

I will just say it's 13 past seven and we did just eat a little chocolate. Shut up. Yum. What does the rule book say about when you can eat chocolate?

You're looking fabulous and if any of the listener comments are to go by. Yeah, I think you're right. I'm happy to flick through my Instagram comments sent to me with the story I uploaded

yesterday of Vaughn. Daddy got mentioned a lot. Now I was like, yeah, he's got two kids. I don't understand. Yeah, just dad will do. Yeah, just dad or father. Papa. Yeah, papa.

Mom, papa. Papi. Yeah, CC papi. When you say shirtless man with abs, you don't really go, papa. Hello, papa. Hello, papa. Oh, my God. Look at that guy. It's not that papa. Hello, papa. Hello, papa. Oh, my God. Look at that guy.

It's not that sexy. Hello, papa. Silly little pole. Is your best friend the opposite sex? Yeah. The opposite gender? Read a great article. There was a guy who's just said his whole life has been enriched by having a heterosexual female best friend.

The things he learns. Yeah. That he doesn't have to ask a partner or anything like that. Did this friendship start with a hookup and then they were like nah this isn't for us and now they're friends? No. Completely platonic the whole time. And he's straight. Yeah. Do you find this Vaughn? Because I've been teaching

Vaughn quite a few things recently. I've always had female friends. Always got on really well with females. One of my best friends, Kim who was in my bridal party with Fletch, she's a female. She was one of my lifelong best friends.

Yeah. And one of those friends that you don't even need to talk to for ages and then you start talking and it's like you never stop talking. I love those friends. Those are the best friends. You can just catch up with a friend you haven't seen them for years. Yeah. It's great.

It's so good. That'll be us when we stop working together. Because they're low maintenance. Yeah. They'll just never talk again. I'll just be glad to see the back of you. Honestly, just a break. Just a break would be the best.

Guys, guys, guys, genuine friends. Let's not forget. Genuine friends. Genuine friends. I think T-shirt day. We asked you, is your best friend of the opposite gender? 27% of people said yes. Oh, wow.

73% said no. And here are some responses. Sophie said yes, he was my best friend until I married him. Sophie. Love is dead. Mason. Love is dead. No, my friends are the same gender as myself.

We all identify as problematic skunks. Jesus Christ. How did that get through? I wish I pre-read it. I wish I skipped. I wish I'd given that a pre-reader. Mason. We should filter out any message with the word scucks in it. Can we just put a scucks filter on the text machine, please? How would you say this name?

It's Jeremy, but instead of a Y on the end, it's another E. Jeremy. Jareem? Oh, no, no, no, no. It's Jeremy, but instead of a Y on the end, it's another E. Jeremy. Jerem? Oh, Jerem. Jeremy. Jerem. I think you need to use Jeremy.

Jerem. Jeremy. But it doesn't have a Macron over the E to make it a Jerem. Let's call him Jerem. Jerem says, how no, girls are scary. Yep. So quaintly put. Yeah.

And no, girls are scary. Oh. So quaintly put. Yeah. And girls are scary. Oh, wait, wait. Leilani said, if they're not gay, then it's sus. Yes. Doesn't trust any woman with her man. Or what about when they pretend that they're gay, but they're not? Oh, just have a look at your babies. What? Like they're cheating on you, but the're not. Oh, well, just have a look at your babies. God.

What? Like, they're cheating on you, but the girl's like, to their boyfriend, oh, no, he's just gay. Don't worry about him. Oh, he's gay. You don't have to worry about him. He's gay. Why are you always hanging out with Matt?

That's the gayest name, right? It was. I know so many gay Matts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many gay Matts. They're not gay. Every second Matt is gay. Yeah, it goes straight gay, straight gay, straight gay.

So if you get three mats in a row, one of them, one to two of them are gay. One to two. It could be all three. All three. But it's not going to be none. That's a gay full hand. Yeah.

Three gay mats. It's a gay royal flush. It's a gay flush. And it's all queens. Good for you. Honestly. It's on fire. Thank you. My. Thank you.

My opening act tonight. I'm going to do a type five. Do you want to do type five? I'll do a type five. I'll do a type five at the top. Every girl needs her gay best friend, said Kendall. So yes. My best friend is a man.

Slightly different tone, isn't it? I think, yeah, that doesn't count because there's no chance they're going to hook up. No. No chance they're going to hook up and there's no common ground, you know. Like, my gay best friends, all we do is talk about hot boys. You know? Perfect.

You know, Matt says, I'm listening to this shit. Which Matt? Matt Harris. Oh, okay. He did say a message before that. Well, Matt, we're not wrong. Meredith said,

remember when you guys asked if people's partners were their best friends? Well, we're all them sons of bitches now. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Okay. Okay, love is dead. Grayson said,

I'm a gay man, she's a lesbian. It's a cosmic accident that actually somehow worked out. Wow. Okay. Wow. What do they talk about? What do you even do?

She's like, this is my ute. And he's like, oh my God. Oh my God, Joe. Oh my God She's like, this is my ute. And he's like, oh my God. Oh my God, Joe. This is my Volkswagen Golf. He's like, help, I need some help around the house.

Yeah. Build me something. My name's Matt. Yeah, my name's Matt. Help me. Interesting. Okay.

Well, I would watch that show. Yes, it would be a great show. Great show. What a dynamic. Stacey said, Guy Bestie equals less drama and it's a win-. Great show. What a dynamic. Stacey said, Guy Bestie equals less drama

and it's a win-win. Yeah. Girls are drama. Sam said, He was until he lied to me. We were long distance besties. He told me he was single and we got together

and he wasn't single making me the other woman which he knew I never wanted and this man was everything. Knew it all. A rock. But the betrayal was brutal. Too much.

Oh no, Sam. I'm sorry. I'd watch that show also. I would also watch that Sam. I'm sorry. I'd watch that show also. I would also watch that. I'd watch that. I'd watch that show. We've been besties since we were 13. We're nearly 30.

Used to date but never did anything, not even holding hands. Turns out we're both gays. Gays. Couple of gays. There's another lesbian and a gay man. Amazing. Beautiful.

Yeah. What do you have in common? Trousers. Harmony and ivory Look together in perfect harmony Well, that's about black and white. Unlike your harmonies. I actually thought that was quite tight.

I thought it was good. Good harmony. What are you swiping at? There's a fruit fly in here. Just let it be, man. Let it be. Do you know what? There's also in here, there's a mosquito.

And I didn't want to alarm anyone. No, it is a mosquito. There's a mosquito in here. There is a mosquito. There he is! There he is! Oh, God, he attacked me. No, that's a fruit fly. That's a mosquito and I didn't want to alarm anyone. No, it is a mosquito. There's a mosquito in here. There is a mosquito. There he is. There he is. Oh God, he attacked me. No, that's a fruit fly.

That's a fruit fly. I don't want a mosquito. Oh, you bastard. No, you didn't get it. Oh, you got it. I got him. I think you got him. I think I got him.

He's fast. This one's fast. He did a duck dive out of there. Yeah. I think you got him. Also, should we be killing fruit flies on Pink Shirt Day?

It feels like bullying. Yeah, it feels like bullying. The biggest form of bullying is literally murder. You know? Wow. Sorry. The bigger form of bullying is how they'll get into the top bit of the banana and just make an absolute shambles on it.

Oh, I know. I think I got him. It's actually bullying when they just move into your house without asking. Yeah, it's bullying until they're hovering around my ear being like, Hey, hey. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, yesterday at the gym, Hayley and I went after work. We did.

What were you working on? Do you know, I almost didn't. I wasn't going to. I know. Do you know what made me go? I was like, I've got too much to do. I actually just want to go home. And it was a beautiful day.

I wanted to sit outside. I was coming out, but Vaughn was just in front of me. I was like, he's going to see that I'm driving all the way home after saying I'm going to the gym. So I was like, I better go to the gym. I didn't want, because you were driving in front of me. I was like, if I'm just driving all the way out west, you're going to know that I didn't go to the gym.

So I turned right and I went to the gym. Wow. And then I had a great workout. It was awesome. A bit of peer pressure. Yeah. No, wait. I'm a great workout. It was awesome. A bit of peer pressure. No, wait. I'm not on pink shirt day. Don't say I'm peer pressure. Peer pressure is a key to bullying. You wouldn't have cared

if she'd gone straight home. I didn't even notice she was behind me. No, I know, but in my head it was the motivation I needed because I was going to bail. And then because Fletch said, oh, I won't come to the big gym actually. I'll go to the one closest to your house. And then so I was like, oh, well, Fletch isn't going to come. He won't know I didn't go. And then Vorma, oh, damn it. And then I was like, well, I will go to the big gym actually. I'll go to the one closest to your house. And then so I was like, oh, well, Fletch isn't going to come. He won't know I didn't go.

And then Vorma, oh, damn it, Vorma. And then I was like, well, I will go to the big gym. I'll see Hayley. It'll be great. So you did see Hayley at the gym? I got there, yeah. So you went to the big gym?

Yeah, we went to the big gym. Okay. And then I get there and she's perving at this guy that I know. Okay. Well, she's the only human. Hang on.

I've seen this dude. I have seen this dude and I first saw him, I was. Okay. Well, she's the only human. Hang on. I've seen this dude. I have seen this dude and I first saw him, I was like, have I got virtual reality glasses on? Am I being AI'd? I'm sorry, is this Johnny Bravo? This might be the perfect specimen of a human. Colombian Johnny Bravo? I was like just doing,

I was lifting my sixes and my sevens. Vaughn's fallen off his chair. Okay. This caramel man walks past me, a singler, Vaughn's fallen off his chair Okay You know I can't I'm not even saying it This caramel man Walks past me Singlet The bubbliest shoulders

And biceps and chest I've ever seen in my life I was like Alright I didn't realise though Because then you arrived And you started chatting to him I was like

I need to know something And I didn't realise He had clocked that I was like And then I said You were trembling I introduced this guy to Hayley And they're like, hello, hello. And then later on he's like, yeah, your friend was looking at me up and down. No, but tell everyone what else he said.

Oh, that you're pretty. He said I was pretty. Yeah, that you're pretty. He said I was pretty. So you got a compliment there. That was nice. But anyway... What does he think of me?

He didn't see you Does he want to? Does he want it because I'm mad? I would At the gym they were filming something And there was a whole big camera crew there And I was like okay I need to avoid all of this I hate it

It was awful I even hate when someone's got their own phone set up Oh my god I know I'm like I don't want to be in the back Don't hit me in the back Because you don't want to be in one of those viral videos where you're just daydreaming and they're like, look at this pervert looking at me.

Yeah, I know, with his two kg dumbbells and his weird shorts. So this is what happened yesterday. Weird shorts. It was kind of the whole time we were there. So I kind of ended up like, you know. They were right in the middle of the busiest bit. But then there was one point I was doing these physio exercises with these tiny dumbbells for my wrist and elbow exercises.

What have you got? Tennessee elbow? No, not tennis. Golf elbow. What's the difference between a golf elbow and a tennis elbow? Golf's elbow is sore on the inside and tennis elbow is sore on the outside. So I'm doing these wrist things where you like two or three kgs, you go up, down, up, down. And then I look up

and the camera is like pointing right at me. They're filming a guy in front of me and I'm just doing this like... Now I get this action here, I can tell you what it looks like. I'm just like doing this little exercise, a physio exercise. I'm like, oh God. You're gonna look like such a sweetie. I hope it's one of those camera shots

where it's up close, focused, background blurred out. Completely blurred. Otherwise, I'm going to be in the background doing like. Look at this guy. Must be his first day at the gym. And even like when you've got something like golfers elbow or tennis elbow, everyone's like,

play with yourself too much, mate. And then you're going to be in the background of the video looking like you're specifically doing an exercise to play with yourself. Yeah, totally. To get stronger wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists.

I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get these wrists. I'm going to get this wrist. I'm going to get this wrist in your forearm. Yeah, exactly. Which is... It's so good. It's actually my left hand so my left arm. Yeah, but I actually use my opposite.

Me too. Yeah, I'm left handed. You guys are ambidextrous. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Oos. Oos?ch, Vaughan, and Hayley. Oos. Oos, you're going to love this. Yeah.

You may remember a while ago, Vaughan delivered the last. Did you forget? I saw it again yesterday. I always forget. I always forget. I always forget. Always forget. And then I'll be talking or when I'm brushing my teeth, I'll be like,

ah, something's in my mouth. It's a gold tooth. That's right. Vaughan got a gold tooth. Pim. Our Oos got a gold tooth. He needed to. Bourne got a gold tooth. Pim. Al Oos got a gold tooth. He needed to get a tooth replaced. Marlowe to all Moses.

Marlowe. And you were offered a gold one. You said, hell's yeah, let's do it. I actually have a dental appointment next Friday. Great. They're going to give that a check up. Nice. Going to get a hygiene check.

It's gold. What is it better? Why are you going back to the dentist? You went 12 or 14 years of not going to the dentist. Yeah, now he lives there. And now all of a sudden you're going a lot. This is wild. Because I've turned over a new leaf.

Oral health is so important. It is so important. We only get one set of teeth, and once they're gone, they're gone. Yeah. Wow. The reason I'm talking about this gold tooth is I think you're going to like this. Because there is a cat. The cat's name is Tofu.

Now, you won't like that bit. The cat's name is Tofu. Now you won't like that but the cat's name is Tofu. Great name for a cat. I actually like that. It's a great name for a cat. I'm all for it. This cat had a penchant for destroying the owner's belongings, tearing things apart and broke... It sounds like it needs a smack or a squirt with a water bottle.

No, broke its tooth. Tooth snapped. Had to go to the vet dentist and get it looked at. It's with a water bottle. Yeah. No, broke its tooth. Yeah. Tooth snapped. Had to go to the vet dentist and get it looked at. It's actually a ventist. A ventist. I like it. Good, good, good, good. It was simple, you know.

It was right there. It was right there. It was an easy swing and he took it. It cracked the fang, like the big one that it uses all the time. Well, I'm sorry, Tofu. You don't get another fang because you lost your tooth being silly. No, you've got to fix your cat's fangs because they look so cute. Oh, my God. This cat is so cute. What kind of cat is it?

Big Persian. Big Persian cat. I love a big Persian. I love a big Persian. Do you know I've... Play again. Okay, so... Oh, you know I'm anti-cat.

Anyway, so broke the front fang. There's that cat. And then when they got the fang replaced, got it replaced in gold. That's a $5, the front fang. There's that cat. And then when they got the fang replaced, got it replaced in gold. That's a $5,000 gold fang. Mine was like nothing. Yours wasn't as extra. ACC covered. It was $200 extra compared to the white one.

Yeah. That's insane. Just get a gold one. I mean, obviously not real gold. Yeah. Yeah. It's Egyptian gold. It's gold.

Sure it is. Yeah. It's Egyptian gold. So I had to go it is. Yeah. It's Egyptian gold. So I had to go into a pyramid to get it. So a cat has a $5,000 tooth. Because you need that fang that the cats have, the two fangs. They have to get replaced. You can't just have it like that.

But $5,000, that's taking the piss. No. And look how cool that cat looks. It is cool, but. That's pretty cool. That's Pimp Cat. Look at this cat. I love that the owner's like, RIP my bank account.

Yeah. I know, but they love this cat. You chose it. By the way, the owner of this cat is 22 years old. Where do you get five grand from? After pay. I'm going to after pay my cat's gold fang. That's the most insane sentence I ever have heard muttered.

Yeah. So they just, it's so cool. And I just think, look at this cat. It was a rescue cat, by the way. So what do you want to do, because this is the part of the show where we'll now ask a question for the wider audience to call on with their own stories. Well, you want to ask people if their animals have gold.

Does your pet have a gold fang? No. No, I just want to know how spoilt your pet is. Like, how far did you go? How much did you indulge this little thing? Because you only do this when you're cat obsessed. Yeah. A $5,000 gold fang. You're like, only the best for mine. Yeah. You know? And I do this when you're cat obsessed. Yeah. A $5,000 gold fang.

You're like, only the best for mine. Yeah. You know? And I do this too. You spend a lot of money on toys for your cat. You go to Animates. There's so many toys. Oh my God, no.

So many toys. Yeah. I'm going to, honestly, if Rolly ever gets a broken tooth. It's going to be gold. It's going to be gold. It's going to be gold. Now that I've seen this,

it's got to be gold. It's got to be gold. And when he dies, I'll take it down and be gold. Now that I've seen this, it's got to be gold. It's got to be gold. And when he dies, I'll take it down and put it in my pet place. Marlo. Marlo. Yeah, exactly. Marlo to my. But yeah, we know that pets are like one of the family.

Sorry, what? You missed my thing. I said Marlo to my puss. Yeah, okay. Oh, puss. Yeah. Puss. I think we could have just moved on.

Oh, wait. I was trying to. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. Oos. I think we could have just moved on. Oh, wait, I was trying to. Yeah, I know. 0800 DARS at Emerson. You can text through 9696. Just how spoiled is your pet? Right now, though, we want to talk about how spoiled your pet is. Oh, yeah.

Because there is a cat, it broke its fang, and its owner took it to the dentist. The ventist, sorry. Yeah, the vet dentist. And when they got a replacement tooth, she was like, why not make it gold, Oos? Has anyone messaged

that this is possible in New Zealand? Because this was in the US or the UK. No other gold tooth so far. I am getting a lot of correct ways to address fellow people with gold teeth. Oh yeah? Yeah. Malo to my tokos.

Guys, guys, Malo, sorry, $5,000, this isn't America. That's 5,000 American dollars. I assumed it was American dollars. $10,000 for a tiny fang gold tooth and yours was an extra 200. Yeah. That's wild.

Crazy. Natasha, how spoiled is your pet? Very spoiled. Tell us just how badly. Thousands and thousands of dollars a year in physio, massage, supplements. Sorry, what? What kind of dog are you rocking?

Are they athletes? Are they pro athletes? I'd like to say they're pro. I would like them to earn some money. Well, they do earn a bit of money back from competitions, but nowhere near what I... What kind of dog is it? So they're two dogs, and they're both Border Collie crossers.

Oh, my God. I love Border Collies. Probably going to need to see some photos. Yeah, cross with what? Cross with what? Yeah. Okay, and then so what do they, you say they make some money for you.

Do they do like show jumping or something? So they compete in dog agility. Yeah, I love the border collies rule at that. If you get a placing, quite often you'll get some money along with your ribbon, but it's usually not more than $20. Oh, right. That doesn't really...

Sorry, I was going to say drop in the ocean. $20. But how... Can you put a price on watching a border collie go between those sticks? You can. More than $20. I'm sorry, but I think they need to find some sponsors and get that prize money up. I'd be like, keep it, that's insulting

We should sponsor it Yeah, Animate's and us We could do a joint collab You're doing a $500 big check right? We need big novelty checks for the winners But not with $20 Natasha, thank you

Let's go to Emily. Emily, how spoilt is your dog? So my parents have a Cocker Spaniel and a Springer Spaniel. Yeah. Their Springer Spaniel is A, the only dog they've ever paid for. Well, he's the most expensive. He had a $10,000 knee surgery. Oh, did he now?

Why'd he go and do that? Was that under pet insurance? Oh, my God, they paid that. Because they said it could have been genetic. So, mum made $5 masks over the pandemic to pay for his $10,000 knee surgery. He now, once a week, goes to the physio. He walks in his water. Oh, yeah. I've seen those.

The treadmill. Oh, my God, that's cute. And he gets acupuncture. Oh, darling, darling. And a gua sha steam facial. How do you explain acupuncture to a dog? So, literally, he's really good because he does just sit. Wow.

And they just literally, like, stick little needles in him. Oh, my God, that's crazy. We literally just got on Friday. He is his new biggest fan as well. So walking with him, he's like, oh, Uncle Ollie. That's so, oh, my God. That's an expensive dog, Emily. Thank you, Michelle. You've got a wobbly cat.

Yeah, so Lieutenant Dan's got share a battle of hyperplasia. Lieutenant Dan! Oh, my God. What kind of dog is Lieutenant Dan? German Shepherd? No, he's a cat. He's a cat.

Wobbly cat. Oh, you said wobbly cat. Yeah. So I had to get a custom-made helmet made for him because he keeps smacking out his teeth. It's got a helmet. Sorry, what was that? You said it sounded like a hip issue.

No, no. He had to have a special helmet made for his head. Yeah, but what was that thing you said he had at the start? Cerebellar hyperplasia. What does that do? What does that mean? So basically, when he walks, it's like he's had four bottles of wine

and you're over the show. He's Captain Jack Sparrow is what you should have called him if you wanted a military title. I'm 1,000% Michelle going to need to see a photo of this cat wearing a helmet. The part of the brain that coordinates movement is smaller than usual and not fully developed, so they get a bit wobbly cat. Yeah, so that part of their brain didn't develop.

Can you send us a photo of the cat in the helmet, please? I could send you a video of him walking. I'd love some video. We won't laugh. I won't do a smile. What kind of cat is he? He's just a video of him walking. I'd love some video. We won't laugh. It'll be like, that's cute. What kind of cat is he? He's just a silver tabby. Just a mongrel.

I might mind. Just rescued, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like mine. It's hard to find a home for him, so I get them. Oh! We've got any prizes to give Michelle? Can we give Michelle something?

Let's give you a $50 Animates voucher. Yes! Making happy happen for pets and so you can treat people. Get Lieutenant Dan some treats. Yeah, get Lieutenant

Dan a little catnip ball. Or a little catnip toy that looks like a bottle of like rum or something. And then he's carrying around a bottle of rum

and he's like. He's not really drunk guys. He's a drunk pirate. Yeah. Michelle, thank you. So many messages coming in. We'll get to more of those next.

How spoiled is your pet? Cat got a 5,000 US dollar? Yep, gold tooth. We only feed our cats filet steak. Husband's a butcher. One cat lived to 19 years old and one lived to 23. Wow. Because I only go dry and a little bit of processed ham.

God, Raleigh loves ham, eh? Yeah. He loves ham. That sodium is harming him, but you just can't stop. Hey, you gotta diet something. Yeah, exactly. My cat food costs $45 per kg and I only give them bottled water. My kids get Pam's food and tap water.

Bottled water? Are you kidding me? It's a cat. My kids get Pam's food and tap water. Bottled water? Are you kidding me? It's a cat. Their kids only get tap water and Pam's. Their kids only get Pam's. Ain't nothing wrong with Pam's. You know we love Pam's.

We love Pam's. Here at the show, we love Pam's and Arm and Gold. And yes, Ross, that's another free mention for Arm and Gold. We've been told off this morning too much value given to Arm and Gold

for not enough return. I'm invested. We're going to get so many chocolate bars. It's ridiculous. We're going to get so many chocolate bars. It's ridiculous. We're going to get so many chocolate bars. Oh my God. My dogs have their own barn door apartment off of our bedroom

that used to be a balcony. They sacrificed their balcony. Remember in your renos, you had to architecturally build a cat door. Because it was going through a core wall and it got a sign off from a window specialist. It's honestly the most expensive thing. How much was that cat door. Because it was going through a core wall and it got a sign off from a window specialist. It's like, it's honestly

the most expensive thing. How much was that cat door? Surely a couple hundred bucks. Thousands. Yeah. It's like a little mini cat tunnel. And then,

every morning, Raleigh's standing at the door. Let me out. Let me out. You've got your own. Does he never use his cat tunnel? No, he uses it. But if you're around,

he'll want you to be let out through the human door. My dog wears a woolly jacket in the cold weather when we go for a walk. I love that. To me, the wolves would be so embarrassed. Wouldn't the wolves be embarrassed to see one of their ancestors? I did mention show sponsors earlier saying keep your dog warm with Animates Winter Fashion Range. Yeah, I know.

Oh, my God, I can't wait. I need to see it all. Winter fashion range. My cat has her own princess pillow above mine in the bed. So it's literally on the bed above my pillow which means I never lie directly face to face with my husband. Some other messages in. I have a six month old kitten

and an 18 year old cat. They have five cat tails, three big, two small. Okay, so your house just looks like a cat playground. Both of our dogs have an injection every month for arthritis. Our little dog has an inhaler morning and night and an antihistamine. And our Labrador also has to have

prednisone and antihistamines as well. They're both old, so between the drugs they take, plus what my 80-year-old mum takes, don't get me mixed up, we're like a pharmacy. Wow, okay. You can probably get an all-in-one euthanasia too when it's time.

Vaughn Allen. Vaughn. Vaughn Allen. Vaughn. Vaughn Allen. Vaughn Allen. And then a group cremation. It's how she wanted to go.

We're saving the planet. Everybody must burn. We do not stand for this. I fed a magpie with a distorted beak. I rang Mother Bird asking if they could help him in his distorted beak. And they said if it was a protected native bird, they would make him a new fiberglass beak,

but not some run-of-the-mill raggedy old magpie. Who's Mother Bird? Is that some organization? It must be an organization. More of a working dog than a pet dog, but my brother-in-law was an army police dog handler. And because I love dogs, he took me onto the base to see them. It was not a simple task.

There was a lot of work. Listen to this. This is where it gets good. And one of the German shepherds had completely titanium teeth in its mouth. I'm not sure how it lost its original teeth. I'm not sure what it cost. But when it went,rrr, it had metal teeth. Oh!

That's so cool! That's the coolest! Also, if you were hiding in the back of some granny's backyard with a stolen 42-inch television and a German shepherd, and it just pops its head around the corner and goes, Gnarls at you! With its shiny metal teeth,

you're just going to shit yourself, right? You just put the TV down and you say, I'm so sorry, I made a huge mistake. I just got to make a quick correction on the show. I did recently say Germany used to have Franks. Germany had Marks. Yeah, and it was France and the Franks. Swiss Franks.

Sometimes your dumb shows. I am a dumb. Honestly, it bleeds through. Franks. Swiss and the French Franks. Sometimes your dumb shows. I am a dumb. Yeah, honestly, it bleeds through. He tries to mask all the time. What did the Netherlands have? Dutch Franks. Who knows? Who cares?

No, they had Anne Franks. Oh. How do you bring her up in a comedic way? Her diary, let us know how bad it all was. It's time for a flashback. Now, it is New Zealand Music Month. And so I was like, I'm going to go Kiwi Classic. And when I think of Kiwi music, and the first time I really went,

oh my gosh, this is a bop, it was 1999. Yes. And I was lucky enough to see this live in 1999 during their first nationwide tour. Didn't they hire a plane? I remember that was a big thing. They hired a plane and were going around all the regions and all the cities. They hired a private plane.

Yeah, like big deal. Yeah. It was a big deal at the time. It was unlike anything we'd seen before. They were formed on the show Popstars. Of course, I am referring to the one, the only, True Bliss. Was this the show that got picked up and spun off into other shows overseas? This was the original one where they formed a pop group.

Yeah. And so the band was formed. Five women came together. They were found from all across New Zealand. And they released this bop that I saw live. In New Zealand, it was number one, of course. Yeah. The music video, I can see it now.

And after we play this song, I have a treat. This is Tonight from True Bliss. It's your Friday flashback on ZM. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's got the stink of the late 90s all over it. 99, baby. And the fashion is still the same now.

It's back. It's back. It's your Friday flashback on ZM, New Zealand Music Month. It's True Bliss Tonight from 1999. And how exciting is this? On the phone joining us to talk about 1999 and what a crazy time it was. Megan Alatini from True Bliss. Good morning, Megan.

Good morning, good morning. And talk about a blast from the past. As that was playing, I was thinking, holy shiz, was it really that fast and upbeat? That song's making me tired 26 years later. It did feel fast. 26 years later. Yeah, and when you guys performed them live,

you had full choreo, dance moves, and you were in, honestly, the most flammable pleather we've ever seen. Oh my gosh, I am telling you now, that PVC that we had to have talcum powder just to slip into them, I don't even think my bloody little finger can fit into those pants these days. Yeah, where are those outfits?

Because that was one of the things that drew me into True Bliss in 1999 when I was nine years old, was the outfits, man, the feathers, the bindis, all that like pleather. Do you have any of it still? Oh, my gosh. You know, my mum actually kept a whole lot of stuff in her treasure box. You know, parents, they're so cute. And, you know, they can come out now, not so much for me, but maybe for my grandbabies.

But I've got to say, those outfits were awesome, man. I mean, I cringe now. No, no, don't cringe. It's back. We were risque. We had anything that could slither and suck onto our skin. Bloody, we super glued feathers and the bindis. The bindis.

For some of us, it wasn't just one bindi. It was the whole eyebrow line of bindis. Honestly, I was obsessed. I saw you guys when I was nine at the Michael Fowler Centre in Wellington and I'm not afraid to tell you that I cried with joy.

Yeah, I did. Because my mum and I we watched all of Popstars and then we just followed the whole journey of you guys and then you released Tonight and I just was. What was, you covered one of, did you do a Madonna cover? Yes, we did.

So we got to do two covers. And thank you so much for going to the concert. And I know you feel special and like you were the super fan and in your own world you were. I was. We used to get out on that stage and go, holy shiz, where did all these young kids come from? And then the oldies, because of course they had to be attended with their parents.

But, oh my gosh, I just think it was a crazy time. It was so, so next level weird, because we didn't even know what we were entering into, right? I guess at a time there was no social media. It was like kind of early reality TV show days. Like we hadn't really seen anything like it. Yeah, totally. And so it was the whole country was just like crazy

about it. I know. And you hadn't seen anything like it or experienced anything like it. Neither had we and we were kind of making it up as we were going along. I know. Do you know, so for the Miratai Primary School Talent Competition in 1999, I got up in a flared crop top with these flared sleeves and these green flares from HBK,

and I sung over top of your cover of Lays La Bonita. Solo, darling, solo. Let me take you back to that. So we got to choose two covers, and Jo and I being, you know, Jo was like, I love George Michael, I love Wham, we're only having Wham. And I was like, can we have some Madonna, please? So I chose the Madonna song, so we got to do Lais La.

Jo chose Freedom. And I think the Madonna song, so we got to do La Isla. Jo chose Freedom. And I think that was just our own selfish little way to bring our own childhood into the album. And I don't regret it at all. I love those two tracks. And, Hayley, how did you go in the talent quest? Oh, such a loser, Megan. Like, such a loser.

Oh, no one asked. I didn't ask anyone to join me or make a band. Lies, I'm in the tropical, the island breeze. Oh, my, like, what am I doing? All the nature, wild one asked. I didn't ask anyone to join me or make a band. Lays, I remember tropical, the island breeze. Oh, what am I doing? All the nature, wild and free. This is where I long to be. Lays La Bonita. That's right, babe.

I still remember every single word. Let me tell you, though. Is it about the bananas? Oh, I love it. I love it. I used to do every single talent quest as well, girlfriend. So it's never too late., so it's never too late. Yeah, it's never too late.

Because even though I did not win any talent quest, I made the band. Yeah, totally. You won True Bliss. You won True Bliss. I just honestly, look, thank you so much for chatting to us, Megan, because you're just a piece of New Zealand music history, and I just, I love you.

And also, you guys can bloody sing, and that was the other thing, right? It was the 90s. To be a pop star, you didn't have to sing, but you guys had voices of angels. We will show these mofos that we can sing. So anytime we could do an acapela, we would. But can I just say thank you so much to you guys

for always kind of going back and down memory lane and making sure that that time is remembered. You know, it was up and down. And music industry loved us. And then they didn't. And now, 26 years later, we just go, let's just be real. It is a piece of New Zealand history. We're proud of the good, the bad, the feathers and the red PVC.

Had a couple of number one hits out of it and you guys bring it back to life sometimes. So thank you very much. Megan Elatini from True Bliss. Thank you so much for joining us. So nice. You're welcome. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, never a truer piece of advice has been said. Now, long-term relationship is, listen up, this is a long-term relationship hack from one TikToker. But also a great hack if you're in a new relationship. Yeah, to make sure that it stands the test of time. I didn't know about this hack. Well, now you do.

Okay. The long-term relationship hack. This is from someone who's been in a relationship for 10 years. She says the reason that they are still together is their commitment to never doing the big shop together. Oh, like the weekly grocery shop. Never do it together. When you need the big things, like all the expensive toiletries,

a big olive oil. Yeah, oil's getting replaced. The baking paper's getting replaced. The rubbish bags are getting replaced. And we need dishwashing liquid. We're not doing it. You can maybe pop to the supermarket together. Now, Shannon, Carwen, in relationships,

do you do the big shop with your significant others? No. We've got to remember, Shannon doesn't have room for food in her apartment. I don't have a pantry or anything. She gets dairy mints. Because the pigeons. The pigeons come in.

The pigeons move down. No, but I simply could not buy baking paper or something. I feel like we'd argue over the metres. Yeah, exactly. Why get 10, get 20? You can never go wrong with 50 metres of tinfoil. I want to make that decision on my own and I stand by it. But if I'm on a budget, I'm happy to just get the 10 metre.

I just need a 10 sometimes. Do you think it's weird though that like glad wrap, baking paper, tinfoil, they're like 50 metres or 20 metres. Yeah. Like just go large, medium, small. I'm not like. No, I need to know how much I'm getting. Oh no, I've only got four metres left.

Yeah, metres. Because how many metres is an oven tray? Not one. Not even one. Not even half. Three quarters of a metre? How long is an oven tray? No, because ovens are 600.

Are you going to be 500? Again, you are losing your touch. She's losing touch with the common man. What can I say about a six burner? Yeah, a six burner? Six burner say About a six burner Yeah a six burner Six burner mate Wow Unbelievable

Yeah read it and weep So the idea is that The big shock Causes too many Morgan Ailey's house And I'm like One two three four Five

So the idea is That it causes A lot of arguments Yeah I just don't say Because it's like Why do you need that brand There's a cheaper brand

Right there Well that's not as good And then you look And it's both made in Favona Why do you need that brand There's a cheaper brand Right there Well that's not as good And then you look And it's both made in Favona Everything if you look In Auckland It's made in

Favona Packaged Yeah In the same factory Well I just think Everyone It's like an airport Everyone is their worst

Version of themselves In a supermarket I'm actually I thrive at an airport Actually I'm amazing At an airport No I've been Don't you

Have you done a big job With someone Can everyone just Confirm he's not No You're terrible At an airport I'm great at an airport. No, I've been doing it with you. Have you done a big job with someone? Can everyone just confirm he's not? No. You're terrible at an airport. I'm great at an airport. Heaven forbid chicken takes longer than four minutes or he's getting grumpy.

And if he's hungry, holy hell. Okay, but the other day, right when they open up both lines at Wellington Airport, it was a big line and they've got two machines. This guy. It's like the people working at the airport are surprised there's more than one plane taking off. I don't know.

It was scheduled months in advance. Look how exemplary he is. Imagine moving the meters of the baking paper. Once we get to the lounge, I'm fine. Oh, the lounge darling. Once he gets to the lounge darling, he's an absolute treat. And I'm out of touch with my six burner anyway. Gold elite.

Never. Shout out to all the Jades. Every man born. Shout out to all the people who are lifelong Jades. And shout out to the Silvers who are lucky to even be there. Now, I would never, ever, ever do the shop with Aaron because he'd be picking food. I'd be like, what do you know?

Yeah. What do you know about food? Oh, because it doesn't cook. No, it doesn't cook. Right. Oh, I've got this. What do you know? Shut up.

Oh, I see. Go to the magazine section and look at some bikes or something, you know? Some bikes? What bikes? A trail bike monthly or something? Push bikes or motorbikes? I don't know. The man has never read a magazine in his life. I don't know what magazine he'd flick through.

It would have to be a quarterly magazine. I don't know how much changes in bikes every month. Oh, Aaron's reading GQ. I don't think so. No, BQ. Bikes quarterly. Bikes quarterly. Yep. I just, I don't do that much changes in bikes every month. Oh, my Aaron's reading GQ. I don't think so. No, BQ, Bikes Quarterly. Bikes Quarterly. Yep. Yeah, I just, I could not. Yeah, you're right.

Okay, but have you guys had fights over the beach shop? Oh, even like bananas. What's there to fight about bananas? You've gone too green. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I go too green. He'll be like, those are too green.

I'm like, give it a day, bro. No, bro. Give it a day. Hey, let's check it in 12 hours. Let's see how green they are then. Oh, you want to get the ones that are ready now? Yeah. For the week ahead?

Yeah. And then 12 hours later. They taste chalky. I guess we're making a banana cake now. Yeah, I guess we're making another loaf. Oh, yeah, we're going to have a banana cake. What a shame. What a shame to have to enjoy delicious banana muffins.

Oh, gosh, shut up. You've got to hate me. It's better just to hate. Do you know what I hate? See how this hypothetical shop went so badly? Yeah. Yeah. It is one person's role. We can pop to the supermarket together.

Yeah. To pick up additional supplementary. A couple of things for tonight's dinner, but not the big shop. The big shop. So is that the responsibility of one person? I think you could share it, but I do the big shop. Alternate weeks.

Yeah, and then be like, you've got too much food. We wasted another bag of salad. Hey, man, feel free to make a salad. I will tell you what. Okay. Rolls me right up. A wasted bag of salad? I know, but it's not my sole responsibility to eat the salad.

No, why not? If you're so upset about a bag of salad being wasted again, feel free to make a salad during the week. My question is for the people who bagged the salad. No, I'm not. If you're so upset about a bag of salad being wasted again, feel free to make a salad during the week. My question is for the people who bagged this salad. Maybe we could bag it a little earlier. Maybe we could make it resealable. Well, it's only going to last a little while. It's a couple of days once it's open.

Yeah, you've got a couple of days, Max. If you're that worried, bro, make a salad. I think there should be four days. There should be a four-day salad. There should be a four-day salad. If it's really ruining your week that there's a wasted bag of salad, make a salad. We can grow salads here in winter and they can't make them last two more days

in a resealable plastic bag? Come on. Grow up. I feel cleansed, actually. That was good. This was good, eh? This was good. Is this what therapy's like when you go more than once?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you don't clock it in one. He told me I'd already finished it, so. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley Fact of the day Day, day, day, day Stop being silly Some people sing along

What do you call that musically? Not good Or off Or off I just keep going up Yeah just Getting higher Okay you're being a brat today You're not being a brat

Getting on track Today the final day of contraception Fact of the day Yep We're gonna look at some old wives tales Did you see the fact that I sent through to you about how when your fingers get wet and wrinkle,

they always, always wrinkle the same way. What? That's got nothing to do with contraception. I know, but I thought maybe

next week we could do fingers. Finger week. Fingers. Or wrinkles. Or skin. Maybe we could do skin week. Skin week! Skin week's good.

Largest organ. There goes Monday's fact, Scourge. Largest organ. There goes Monday's fact. Everyone knows that. Okay, then. What's bigger than your skin? Your ass. Dead ass. Dead ass.

Dead ass. Yo, mama. Okay, well, maybe we could do skin week. We could do skin week. That would be really fascinating. I don't want to promise skin week. Okay. But I could have a little look into skin. Just commit. Skin week. What else are you going to do? a skin week. We could do skin week. That would be really fascinating. I don't want to promise skin week. Okay. But I could have a little look into skin.

Just commit. Skin week. What else are you going to do? Another calendar week? God. Help us all. Jesus, take the wheel. Tempt me.

Tempt me. Actually, though. The last fact for contraception. Old wives tales and dangerous folk methods of contraception that I will tell you right now. Do not work. Do not try this at home. Do not try this at home.

The myth. Glad wrap. Yeah. Glad wrap. Double bagged glad wrap. Don't do that. Don't do that. Actually, no. Children in the car.

I don't feel like number one's appropriate. Okay. Tell us. Share it with friends. Okay. Turn the music up and turn the microphones off. No. We'll just talk about it after the show.

No, we'll just... Guys, BRB. No. No, don't do that. That would sting. I don't even want to say it. That would sting. It won't work.

And you'd upset the natural pH. Because despite what you think, did you know sperm can reach coke, lemon juice or vinegar? Full shug. Wow. I'd go full shug. Anyway, side fact, sperm can reach the cervix in under a minute.

They are speedy little tadpoles. It's not that far. It is for them. It's not that far. If you think of the school sports day and it took you a minute to run 100 metres, you'd be teased. Yeah, you'd be relentlessly bullied. It's not a long race.

You're literally already in there. You're right by her. If sperm were human size, how fast would they be? I like this. If a sperm cell was the size of a human, it would have to swim approximately five kilometres to reach there. Either of you. Five K. Arseholes.

Swim five kilometres in a minute? I didn't think so. I'm about 30 minutes. For five kilometres? Yeah. I'm slow. That's fast. Five Ks in 30 minutes is fast swimming.

Oh, yeah. There's no way you're doing that. That's 10 Ks an hour swimming. That's running speed swimming. Thanks. That's how fast I run. I would do a K in like, I don't know, 18 to 20? No, less. No, it takes like 30 minutes to do a 5K.

And I'm slow. Or am I really fast? No, running. Oh, no, we're talking about swimming. If a sperm was a... Man, okay, I've got across some fascinating facts here. If a sperm was the size of a salmon... Okay. Standard salmon, standard salmon,

it would be swimming. Who mentioned shooting salmon? Pow, pow. Okay, carry on. Pow, pow. Like when they repopulate a wild pond with salmon. And they come down and they shoot and they're like. At the end.

Horrible, horrible thought. If a sperm was the size of a salmon, it would be swimming at 500 miles an hour. Okay. At the end. Ah, horrible. Horrible thought. If a spoon was the size of a salmon, it would be swimming at 500 miles an hour. Okay. Okay, they're fast. I'm sorry. I just thought literally.

Okay. They're right next to the cervix. It's not impressive. I knew they were fast. I knew they were fast. All right. Myth two. Also, those facts, courtesy of chat GPT, may or may not be wrong.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's courtesy of Natural Institute of Health. Or are you getting it from where Shannon gets her news? TikTok. TikTok. I was reading, hashtag, I was watching TikTok. Now, next myth. Jumping up and down after sex is effective contraception.

Believing that gravity will make it fall out. It won't. We just heard how fast these guys are. Have you seen a salmon go up a stream? And they can go way faster than a salmon. Way faster. They don't even rely on gravity. There's no gravity in there. It's a zero gravity area. Also, when you jump

and you jump, you're coming down. It helps because they're jumping up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The ancient Egyptians believed that the insertion of substances like crocodile dung, honey, or acacia gum would block or kill the- Yeah, the dung thing was a while, eh?

Yeah, it was- Animal poops. Yeah, not good. Not good. Not good. Eating certain foods like onions or mercury or lead could prevent pregnancy. The things that poison you? Now you remember it head eating certain foods

and then it said mercury and lead. Yum. So they're toxic. They will actually just cause infertility. Wearing amulets or charms, of course we know that doesn't work. A cold water bath straight afterwards, that doesn't work.

So today's fact of the day. Wait a minute, I want to talk about the ancient Greek method of blowing air in there. We don't have time. Blowing me up like a balloon. Blowing you up like a balloon.

Okay. Today's fact of the day is that there's a whole bunch of I old wives tales and traditional folk methods for contraception that will not work. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Keep your dog warm this winter with Animates Winter Fashion Range. And then please send us a photo of said dog in said winter range. We won't be ever upset if you send us a photo of your pets in costumes. Unless it's a husky.

Or jackets. That husky will be like, get this jacket off me. I'm a husky. I'm too hot. I'm made for this baby. I BYO jacket. Yeah. Now, tonight, Hayley, you're performing your comedy show. I am.

Your new show. The Baroness. The one that you were performing last week in Wellington. It's in Auckland tonight, part of the comedy festival. Yeah, two shows tonight. Hey, by the way, might I just get a little plug in? Because it's sold out, but it's kind of not. There's all these-

No, I don't know. She may not get a plug in. No, yes I have. Honour the story, please. So anyway, we're going to the show tonight. Give her a reply. There's individual seats available. If you wanted to come.

Are they all numbered? They're all numbered. Because it's Sky City, so it's a big theatre. And then there's like people. You sold out Sky City? Twice. Dude, well done. Just me.

They said she couldn't make it. Yeah, they said she'd never do it. Not that funny. Oh, well. There's little random seats. So if you were like, oh, my God, I want to go. Go and just go on your own. Or go with your friend

but you'll just be sat kind of round love that okay well tonight and Fletch will be there but not Vaughan he's decided not to come

yeah there's a group of us we've got a big group booking because you know we even bought tickets supporting our friend Hayley Sproul purchased with their money purchased yeah

like didn't even ask Hayley for a free ticket no you know we support the arts I know and so there's a group of us and we thought well before we go to Hayley's show, we'll go to a restaurant.

Yeah. Just a classic favourite restaurant that's nearby. Yeah. Great food and great drinks. We've been many times as groups. But last, yesterday, Matt, who is in charge of the group booking. Often is. Yeah, often.

He's great. He does. He does. He bought all the tickets. We paid him back. Yeah. He's going to take care of the dinner arrangements. Yeah. Great. We just, often. He's great. He does. He bought all the tickets. We paid him back. Yeah. He's going to take care of the dinner arrangements.

Great. We just turn up. He just tells us the time. He's a cutie too. Yeah. Okay. Usually it's the mingers in charge of organising

all that. They've got to bring something to the table. Yeah, usually because you're like, what are you bringing? I organise a lot of our stuff. Yeah.

Okay. On with the story. Yeah. I mean, point proven. Matt's a cutie. So, hey, Matt makes his dinner book here, and then yesterday he messages everyone. He's like, hey, guys, so sorry to do this,

but could you just look over the online menu because the restaurant's asked me to get the orders in now. And it's like 3 o'clock yesterday. 3 o'clock Thursday. I might not be in the mood for what I'm going to be in the mood for on Friday. Yeah, exactly. I say on Thursday I I might not be in the mood for what I'm going to be in the mood for on Friday. Yeah, exactly. I say on Thursday I'll get the salad. Yeah.

And then the next. You want a steak. And then I come there and I'm like, I'm actually starving. I have a burger. Yeah. I've had a couple of drinks. I'm going to have two burgers. Do you want some Italian?

Maybe. Or pasta. Do you want Mexican? That crazy cow yesterday saying she wanted a salad. That was ridiculous. Now she's had a couple of margaritas. Yeah. That's like whoever's in charge when, you know,

you're at the dairy and you're like, I'm going to get myself a sweet treat. No, you don't need it. You get home, you're like, God damn it. Where's my sweet treat? And now I'm going to go back to the dairy. And you're going to talk, oh, salad. I guess, like, they said that they've got a lot of group bookings,

like a lot of large group bookings. I don't care. But it's a Friday night and you're a restaurant. I'm sorry for you having to be at a restaurant, but isn't it weird, like, get your orders in the day before? I honestly think that's absurd. And then, so I'm just looking at this menu. I'm like, well, what do we want?

No, I don't know what I want at the moment. You don't know. You don't know what restaurant you're talking about. The cuisine isn't in the moment. Yeah. Drinks orders, I could probably do the day before. Pretty sure I'm going to drink what I'm going to drink. Yeah.

But you don't know what you're going to eat the night before, right? No, that's a mood. That's a mood. And sometimes I'll always go last If I don't order for the table Yeah Order for the table A couple of times

At the weekend Honestly that's the Hottest thing he does It drives me crazy It's great stuff It drives me crazy Even before he had abs It used to drive me crazy

Yeah if you ever get A chance to dine with me Just let Big Daddy Take care of it Honestly We do say Daddy's ordering eh Yeah

Daddy does a quick Survey of the table Me and Fletch Get to just have drinks And chats And I have a chat with the wait staff. Yeah. Sometimes I pop into the kitchen.

How we going? How we going? They hate that. Yeah, yeah. What's up? Let me see the surface that you're going to cook this steak. So did you put in your order? Did you look through the menu?

Yeah, I did. I looked through the menu. And today, how are you feeling about what you ordered yesterday? I messaged Matt. I mean, I guess I have to have it now. He wouldn't have liked this. No, he did tell them he didn't like it. Oh, yeah.

And he's not afraid to tell you when he doesn't like something. By the way, this is a gay mat, and just proving our point from earlier that most mats are gay. Well, you said one in three. One to two in three. One to two in three. Those are my stats. We did have some angry mats messaging and saying they're straight.

They were really like, the guiltiest dog barks the loudest, Matt. We're not accusing all mats of being gay. We're just saying it's a common gay name. I am. It's a pretty gay mat thing to do, to text into a show and tell us how straight you are. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Listen to this.

Listen to this. This is a bit of me. Frozen jalapenos, right? So sliced, frozen. Yep. Now. Wait, how do you, do you freeze the whole jalapeno and then slice it and freeze it?

Yeah, yeah. I would slice a layout flat, put it in your freezer. Now you have to wait. Ideally, you've done this yesterday. Yeah. Okay. Now it's the next day. I'm opening up the fridge.

I'm getting out a crisp New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Pour in myself a glass. Do you know what I'm dropping into that? My frozen jalapenos. Do you know, I've seen this pop up like on reels and TikTok. Swearing by it. Quite a bit lately. Everyone is doing this. Yeah, viral drink trend jalapeno savion blanc or spicy

savvy bee. Spicy savvy bee. Took off last month on TikTok. People are dropping the frozen jalapenos into the glasses of Chilberry Wine and they say the pairing is good for summer, man. This would be amazing at summer. Because it's a little bit of a spicy kick. But not so much that you've put in like hot sauce into your salve.

Like a spicy mug. Like a spicy mug, but with a crisp, crisp salve. I'm going to do this because I love my Savion Blanc. If I'm not on Proseccos, I'm on the Savion blocks. Why don't we dress up our wines a bit more? I don't know. Or like in costumes. Yeah, like little sombreros.

I was thinking more like a decorative, because there's beers that get a lemon or a lime. Yeah. But there's wines that could really pop off with a little lemony lime. I sometimes serve mine over ice You know like a margarita How they'll do a salty rim Or a sugary rim

Sugar rim on a salve Sugar rim on a Riesling Too sweet Too sweet You know A spicy rim on a salve though Yeah but this is Kind of this vibe

Yeah I know That's what I'm saying Yeah They're saying This is for people Who want their salve spicy With a side of heartburn Because you know

When you drink too much Sav and you're like oh she's been a great yeah I'm going to try this I'm going to try this this weekend and I'll report back

please do I'll get some Jalepenos when I go to the supermarket because you could get jarred but I think they're

too soggy backhanded yeah yeah yeah but if you cut them dried them out then froze them no if you cut them and froze them

yeah maybe not that would work. Yeah. Because it would melt and then you'd get a quicker release. Because I know the way you'd gullet back, mate.

The chilli pepper wouldn't have been defrosted and you'd be on to your third glass. Barely be in the glass and I'd be like, wait, where did I put the bottle of salve?

Yeah. In my tummy. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. Busting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley.