ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - May 8th, 2025

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

On todays episode of Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod: Short king week Over half of adults would give up a year for their pet Top 6 - Other things we should say about the new spider Baby name rankings SLP - Have you had dirty thoughts about a co worker? 20 Hardest jobs to have Bad News Brad - Butter chat When did you ran into a ex? Carwins crime update Near death experiences Fact of the day Hayley has left something important on the plane Fletch has a gift for Georgia See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Fletch, Fawn and Hayley's Big Pod. Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse, the biggest brands at the lowest prices. ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Brenna for Rudkin. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawnan and Hayley. Thank you, Brenifer Rudkin. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Hayley joining us from our Wellington studio this morning. Oh, I tell you what, it's a new studio and it's bloody lovely.

Nice to be here. Great to have you. How did opening night of you? Why have they got a nice new one and we've got an old poo one? Yeah, it's all fresh. Oh, I think earthquakes. Oh, okay. Probably.

It was earthquakes because the old building got... That's right. It was a bit wobbly, wasn't it? It was wobbly and so they moved into a temporary place. Remember, we were in the stadium there for a while. That was awful. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was horrendous.

Horrendous. No, no. It's lovely here. And I tell you what, the Wellington office have left me all these sort of Wellington treats. Wellington chocolates. Oh, yum. Wellington fizzy. Look at the... You'll like have left me all these sort of Wellington treats. Wellington chocolates. Oh, yum.

Wellington fizzy. Look at the, you'll like this, Fletch. Some Wellington pickle. Oh, yum. Yum. Look at that. Pickle and pie. I love pickle.

Yum. Should I bring that home for us? Yeah, bring that home for us, please. We'll get some crackies. Get some crackies happening next week. We're going to get that. The opening of your show opened in Wellington last night. It did indeed. And thank you to everyone who came and enjoyed my South African accent introduction.

Oh, yes. Me walking out to Fergie's London Bridge, as decided yesterday by our listeners. Did they love it? Did it work? Yeah, perfect. They laughed. I came out and I said,

did anyone listen to the radio this morning? And lots of people responded. And then I said, if you didn't, that must have seemed really weird. I think just keep it. So we'll decide on an accent for today. Well, I just think keep it London Fergie Bridge in South African. Oh, do you?

I think London Fergie Bridge, okay. London Fergie Bridge. Yeah, because it's just hard to switch out the song. But happy for accent suggestions. What about Italian? Yeah, maybe Italian today. I'll get a work on it. Give it a go.

Ladies and gentlemen play ZM's Fleshborn and Hayley this is because of like American dates you know how they go month then the day are they the only people that do that in the world

there's a couple of others right but they're all cooked is it Japan is it Korea they write their dates down In the world, there's a couple of others, right? But they're all, like, cooked. Yeah. Is it Japan? Is it Korea? They write their dates down.

Down and straight down. Straight down. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Some books are like that. Someone puts the year first. I remember reading once about this one.

This sounds like calendar week, guys. It sounds like a great time to, you know, say that. Oh, no. What have we done, Fletch? On the horizon of fact of the day. I don't know. I feel like there might be another calendar week coming. I don't know about that. Well, it's not calendar week.

It is happy short king week because it's 5-5 to 5-9. The dates. Is that like it's May, the 5th of May to the 9th of May? It is, it is. 5-5 to 5-9. Is that where we officially, you get to 5-9, you're no longer a short king.

You're just an average king. I mean, 5'9's pretty average, isn't it? That's the one, that's the size 9 shoe. 5'9 is always like the stock. The average. Do you start shrinking at a certain age? Because I swear I was taller than I used to be. Oh my God, my dad was at my house. You know how

older people start to get shorter? Yeah. My dad was at my house and I was like, Dad, you're shrinking. And we stood back to back and he has shrunk so much. What? So much. We used to be, he used to be like a couple of inches shorter than me. And now he's like shrinking. And my mum's like six foot. Because I was recently with someone

and they were like, how tall are you? And I was like, I don't know, six foot, like 186. And they're like, no. No, 186 is tall are you? And I was like, I don't know, six foot, like 186. And they're like, no. 186 is 6'1 and a half. Oh yeah, I don't know. But I swear once I measured, maybe I was in boots or something and I was like 186 or 185, but I'm like 182. That's six foot, eh?

182, yeah. Yeah. I don't know, I'm 179 and I'm 5'11-ish. She's adding an inch. Everybody adds an inch. No, I'm 510 three quarters. Right. 510 three quarters. You're allowed to add quarter of an inch.

Yeah. Yeah, so I've had quarter of an inch. I always round up a quarter of an inch. Yeah, round up to the nearest centimetre. Just when you're measuring it, you just push it in harder at the base. Are we talking about penises? No, no.

No, I'm kidding. Because I'll use the school ruler and I'll just push it into my skin as hard as I can because I think it's important to me. I mean, you don't measure Everest from the part that sticks out of the earth, do you? No, you go right. You do. You go to sea level.

No, you do. No, you go to sea level. And what I'm saying is when you push the ruler and it's at sea level. Right. So you're saying we should measure, if you were in the central North Island on the desert plateau, which I believe is what, how many, what's the level of the desert plateau? I think Ohakuni's 900 metres above sea level. So you're saying if you were to measure your penis in Ohakuni,

you would start from sea level. You'd have to be lying down. So sea level. You'd sea level, but you'd be adding 900 metres. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No.

And that's an acceptable amount. Right, okay. Yeah, my penis is 904 inches. Jesus. 900 meters, 4 inches long. Yeah, start at the base or sea level. Always worse. Always start at sea level.

That's intimidating. Okay, well, happy Short King Week to our Short Kings listening. Tom Cruise, Bruno Mars, Danny DeVito, have a great week. So, it is, the United States does the, this works for the United States. It also works in Kenya, Canada, and Ghana. The only ones that do the dates backwards. The only ones that put the month first. Right.

They're the only ones. Everybody else does day first. It's crazy. It's so weird. Some people, China, Japan, South Korea, North Korea. Nice to see them agreeing on something. Taiwan, Hungary, Mongolia, Lithuania and Bhutan, but the year first.

Okay. So quite a few countries. But the year first. 2025. Dash. I'm not against it. I'd rather do that than the way America does it. 2025, May 8th.

That's how they'd run around. That's why on November the 9th, we always remember the Twin Towers in New Zealand because our 9-11 is different. That's our 9-11. Yeah. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. More than half of people, 56% of people,

would shave years off their own lives if they could add it to their pet's lifespan. Discuss. Yeah. 100%. Yep. I think in the moment when you lose a pet, the grieving

process is horrendous. It's like it hit me so much harder than I thought when we lost our dog and the cats. You don't want to talk about it though. I don't want to talk too much about it. But it is, it's like losing a member of the family because you think, you know, some pets and dogs could be with the family 15, 16 years. Yeah. Some of them longer.

Never know in life without Lulu the dog because she was around beforehand. This is making me really sad, Vaughn. It is weird when you lose a pet. Sad. But I don't think I'd be like... Can I choose the years that I give them? Yeah.

What if I'm bound up in some Ryman costing a fortune? I'll give one of those years. I'll give one of those years. You'll give one of those years to Richie the Golden Retriever. Oh, my Richie buddy. I'll give my menopausal years to Raleigh.

Yeah, I don't know if you can just choose. I don't know if you could choose those years because then you'd be all of a sudden skipping forward. Would you want to be

using those years? Losing those years? They are good years, eh? Like 45 to 55. But Raleigh's such a good, unique little cat. I have thought about looking into cloning him so that I could just have him again and again and again throughout my whole life.

But then I never thought I would get another cat when my other cat died. Yeah, you needed the grieving process. And then you get a new cat and you're like, oh, this one's actually cooler. It's crazy that you were able to find two sort of purebred rescues. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Well, I just know where to look. I know where the people are holding them captive. Yeah. So I've got a database of them. And yes, I can. I'll just rescue them all over. And go shag the terrorists. As many as I can.

On our behalf. In my lifetime. Yeah. how many cats do you have left for me one and he does not like me whatsoever so you wouldn't be giving

any of your sweet life years away to your cat not to Cheeto nah but I'd get like you're right like Richie but then

what happens to me do I go into hiatus for a year or does it just get clipped well there's I mean there's no rules. Like on my next birthday, they'll be like 44, 45. Okay, now you're 45.

I think it would be you would just die two years earlier or three or however many. Yeah, I'm rolling the dice on that with the amount I drink, to be honest. I don't know if I've got a year to spare. Imagine you give a year or two to your cat and then all of a sudden next week you're done. Yeah, because you gave that last year away. Because you didn't know that you were going to die in two years. Oh, Black Mirror. Black Mirror.

Black Mirror. This could be a great Black Mirror episode actually, couldn't it? Should we submit it to Black Mirror writers and be like, hey guys. Here's an idea. Here's an idea. There's a company that says, can we take a year off your life and give it to your pet,

but you don't know when you're going to die. Or give them to another human like trading years. Like people would sell their years to save the life of someone who was perhaps dying. And then it becomes a family tradition where you're just expected to give up so many years of

your life. Oh my god this would be a great episode of Black Mirror. This is fantastic. And then it gets to a generation and somebody's like, I don't want to do it to keep grandma alive for another five years. Selfish Gen Z. Yeah. It's kind of like My Sister's Keeper. Remember that, you know, they had that the sister had a genetic

disease and so they birthed a sibling so that she could donate bits of... Sophie's Choice. No, Sophie's Choice was about... No, it's My Sister's Keeper. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the sister who was born to give marrow and all this stuff was like, I don't want to do that.

I'm born to spare parts. Yeah, it's like that. But imagine if your parents came to you and said, hey, your sibling's sick. Can we borrow a year off your life? To keep Sam alive a little bit longer. Because he ran the batteries flat on my Sony Walkman and now

I can't listen to my favourite Green Day tape. Take that, Philip. Take that. Sorry, there'll be no marrow this week. Play ZM's Fletch,

Vaughan and Hayley. From the unmoderated comments section, this is the top six. Well, hello there, new spider's been discovered. This is very exciting.

Love a new discovery. It's got amazing eyesight, but small genitals. Okay. Let me read you this. A previously unknown species of native jumping spider boasting incredible eyesight and rather modest genitalia has been discovered near Rotorua. I wouldn't have thought it mattered about the size of the genitalia. Yeah.

Well, the New Zealand Herald put it on Facebook and said, a new jumping spider species with puny genitalia discovered. Puny. Yeah. Puny. Oh, don't call it puny. Comments read such as, Liam writing, unacceptable. I like my jumping spiders with donkey schlongs.

Good for Liam. I'm puny of genitalia also, but I'm also six legs shy of being an eight-legged particular species. Maybe I deserve some limelight. Everyone's saying it's got itsy-bitsies. Now that's funny. Sarah said, so who had jumping spiders with puny genitalia

for May's 2025 bingo? It's pretty though. It's a really pretty spider, right? It's cool. It's got those big eyes. Oh, yeah. It's a really pretty spider It's cool It's got those big eyes Big Oh yeah It's a little jumping spider

And apparently Male jumping spiders Because they attack their prey By leaping Rather than webbing And trapping Oh yeah It does come at the cost

Of the genitals Oh right The size of the genitals Because they need to be You know Have you ever seen a man With a massive dick jump Fall in place

yeah basketball bro yeah but they've got to strap them down right this is why Hayley watches the NBA I know but they've got to

strap them down right they've got at least they've got the basketball shorts and some underwear remember the pole with the massive

with the massive noodle at the Olympics and it got caught on the bar that with the massive noodle at the Olympics? And it got caught on the bar? That's the sort of thing the spider would be. Yeah, Mother Nature's taking care of that. Big schlong around when you're jumping around. Anyway, I said to ChatGPT, a friend of mine has started seeing a new guy who is new and exciting

but has a small penis, and I'm putting together a list of things that she can focus on instead to see if she can get over it and learn to love him regardless. This is great. ChatGPT said that's a thoughtful way to support your friend of things that she can focus on instead to see if she can get over it and learn to love him regardless. Okay. This is great. Chad JBT said, that's a thoughtful way to support your friend focusing on the full picture

of a relationship rather than one aspect. Here are some things that she could focus on instead of yesterday's top six. Things to focus on on the spider beside its small penis.

Emotional compatibility is number six. Yeah, lovely. Does the spider make you feel understood, valued and emotionally safe? Probably not. Yes, it does.

Because there's spiders and everyone gets a bit? Probably not. Yes, it does. Because they're spiders. And everyone gets a bit scared of spiders. No, but once you know that they're not poisonous ones and they're not going to crawl on your face, you might feel safe. I love the little tiny, tiny, what we called them, rain spiders growing up. You weren't to squash them because they'd make it rain. And they'd tickle your arm.

Yeah, they do. I love a jumping spider too. Unpredictable, but as you say, not poisonous. Number five on the list of the top six things to focus on beside the spider's tiny genitals. Communication skills. Can your spider talk openly and honestly, even about the sex that they might struggle with

due to the fact they have tiny, tiny things. A spider. Tiny, tiny, tiny mandibles. Or whatever you call the spider. Number four on the spider. Number four on the list. would ever be a top six. I'll be honest.

I never thought I'd ever be a top six. I like to throw you a curveball on the top six every now and then. Number four on the list of the top six things to focus on

beside the spider. I'm a little bit flustered. We'll just talk about NBA wangs. Yeah. Because we're getting towards the end of the NBA season.

I know. God, we love to watch Who's wang? Who will win the ring? Number four on the list of the top six things to focus on to decide

who the spider's wang. Chemistry and affection. Do you have chemistry with a spider? I don't get a lot of affection from spiders. Is there strong kissing? Cuddling?

A general spark and eye contact. Eye contact, not a problem for spiders because they've got so many eyes. I don't think you can choose to just pick whatever one you want. Number three on the list of the top six things to focus on with your new spider, even though he's not pack and heat, sense of humor and playfulness. Okay.

Do you laugh together? Is the spider fun to be around? Yes and yes. When you're building your web to trap those flies. Are you having a laugh? Yeah. Are you having a laugh? Yeah. Are you telling jokes to your partner?

He finishes, he gets back and he's like, World Wide Web. Am I right? That sucked. She loves it. He loves it. That sucked. They both laughed.

That sucked. It's so bad, but I laughed. It's so bad. Why am I laughing? I've just been surfing the web. God. Yeah, no. Worldwide web, am I right?

Oh, God. Flies.co.nz. I think I'd leave you for a call of spiders, to be honest. I've just been surfing the web, flies.co.nz. Fled, stop laughing at him. He's got a little dittle, but he's fun. I've seen a lot of parallels between me and this spider. Yeah.

Okay. To be totally honest, I can't even remember what number I'm up to. Number two? That feels about right. Do you have shared values and goals with this spider? Yeah, good. You know, do you want the same things long term? Career?

Lifestyle? Kids? Build a nice big web. Flies. Dead flies. Dead flies. Lots of dead bugs. Yeah.

And number one on the list of the top six things to focus on besides the penis size of this spider are supportiveness does he show up

when things are hard does he encourage her dreams does he jump does he catch her flies does he get her little gnats and stuff yep

does he make room for her in the Rimu Bark where he calls home anyway it's a little... It's a spider, it's got a little wang, but we can all get over it and look forward. That is today's SubSense. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Now, here are some of the names that 20 years ago were incredibly popular and have absolutely tanked. Because now we're looking at some of the popular names at the moment. Flowing names. Liam. I was going to say Flo, and I was like really? How embarrassing. Aunty Flo. No, Liam. I know a baby, she's not a baby now, but like a child called

Florence, and they just call her Flo. Flo, yeah. I like Flo. Yeah, as a nickname, but just reminds me of a menstrual cycle. Yeah. And I can't imagine that would be good in your teenage years at school being called nickname Flo. No, I know.

I'd go with Flory or something. Flory. Flory. McFlory. I'd go with McFlory. Yeah, McFlory. That works. Elijah, Luca, Theo, Kai, some of the top 100 names now.

Okay. Gender neutral names, very popular at the moment. Sort of floating names. Whereas names like Brandon, Gavin, Justin and Kevin, 2005, popping off. Really? I didn't know there was a... I would have thought there would have been many Kevins. No, but there must have been.

Ethan, Ryan, Nathan, Logan. Anyway, so here's some of the names. We'll start with the gals. Alexis in 2005 was ranked 13th in the most popular baby names. Now 449th. But you know why? It's because nobody wants to be triggering their Alexa at home. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, yeah, totally. It's like, how can I help you? How can I help you? Play me now. Which you would not hear from a child named Alexis because children don't often put their hands up to help. No. You have to tell them what to do.

I won't read these all, but here's some points. Jessica was 27th popular baby name in 2005, now 553rd. Wow. How many Jesses would there be out there? So many. My friend is a Jess. I know hundreds of them. Have you ever done that thing on your Facebook

where you'll just type in like Matt in the search bar and it shows you all the Matts you're friends with and you're like, I'm friends with so many Matts. Sure, we do know that. Jessica is the female, or Jess is the female equivalent, right? We know that the most common gay name is Matt and our gay friend Matt was offended at that.

Well, we've got two gay friends that are called Matt. We've got two gay friends that are called Matt. We've got two gay friends that are called Matt. Yeah, Matt and Matt. I know, actually, I know a few more gay people called Matt, too. Maybe this is the most common. Yeah, yeah. Quite a few gay Matts. Morgan's tanked.

I think I've only got one. I think I've only got the two gay Matts. Oh. Oh, you've got to get yourself a third gay Matt. No, I know another gay Matt. And, oh, no, two more gay Matts. Four gay Matts. Yeah, it's the most popular gay name.

Holy moly. Yeah, it's the gayest of names. Right, is there some sort of causation versus correlation there? No, I get it. A baby's being named, Matt, and they're like, oh, what have you done? I think it was just so popular that that's why it is. Yeah. Yeah.

And also that's not based on any kind of science. Matty. Yeah. Okay, here's some more names that have tanked. Rachel, Megan, Jennifer, Angelina, Trinity have tanked Rachel Megan Jennifer Angelina Trinity has tanked from 48th to 349th

Caitlin I mean Jasmine Kayla Lauren all gone all of these names are so popular eh

yeah with people that you know I wonder if there's been events for any of these names that have stopped them being popular oh yeah yeah yeah like I said

Megan Markle oh yeah and everyone's like, maybe. So maybe not. Maybe. That becomes, yeah. Listen to the boys ones. I'm just going to reel them off. This was third. So these are all the names that are now tanking in popularity.

From 20 years ago to today. The third most popular baby name for boys 20 years ago. Joshua, now 60th. Andrew, Christopher, Ryan, Nicholas, Tyler, Jonathan, Christian, Brandon, Zach, Kevin, Justin, Robert, Austin, Evan. Like Gavin, he's gone. Yep. Tyler surprised me.

I would have thought Tyler would have been still in there. Yeah. But I will say Keith isn't in here. And I think if you looked back at names from 40 years ago. Yeah, 100%. Oh, I think even longer. I don't know too many Keiths my age. I only know Keith that is my dad's friend.

Yeah. Yeah, my dad's got a friend called Keith. Yeah, we have family friends called Keith. Yeah. No, see, I don't have any Facebook friends called Keith. No. I could trade a Keith for a Matt. So many Matts.

So many Matts, yeah. I might start calling some of the Matts Keith. Should we transfer some of our Matts into Keith's? I think we go to... Can you do that on the Wise app? On the Wise card? Transfer from a Matt to a Keith? No, that's just a currency.

Oh, is that just currencies? I thought it was you could transfer anything. No. Do you think Matty McLean would be happy being a Keith McLean? Keith McLean, what a name. Oh, what a name. That could be his, now that he's got a country hat. Hat, yes.

Now that he's got a cowboy hat. Yeah. I'd like to petition that he becomes Keith. Yep. Love that. We've got a Matt. He can be Keith. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Fletchborn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. So silly little pole today is have you ever had dirty thoughts about a co-worker? And you know what? Responses I'm not looking forward to seeing. What? Yes, because I work with my hubby and I love him. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

Oh my God, he's so beautiful. My hub because I work with my hubby and I love him. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Yuck. My hubby's hot. My hubby's... My man. Okay. Well.

Eye roll. Were you surprised at the results? A little bit. A little bit. 61% of people said yes, they had had dirty thoughts about a co-worker. I think it's a classic trope right the workplace romance the number one place for affairs

yeah and also because you're with these people so long most of the day sometimes you'd be with around these people more than your partner I actually think I may be somewhat responsible for some of these results because yesterday you know I got my Stetson hat and just before I left work I walked into the office and I put it on and I said now I'm old enough to be some of these results. Okay. Because yesterday, you know, I got my Stetson hat and just before I left work,

I walked into the office and I put it on and I said, now, I'm old enough to be some of your, some of you, I'm old enough to be your father

so it's inappropriate that you would fall in love with me but gaze upon me and my hat. And I tell you what, the girlies were pretty into it. Yeah, well you too.

You put it on in front of me yesterday and then sort of swished your belt out of your belt loops and it changed. I know, it did a lot of things for a lot of people that had. And so maybe I've skewed these results somewhat.

Because 61% of people say yes, they've had dirty thoughts about their co-workers. Here we go. Anonymous, please. I think I've had quite a sway here. Yeah. In fact, we've just had the results and nobody from work voted on this.

Awkward. Oh, really? Awkward. These are people from outside of on this. Awkward. Really awkward. These are people from outside of our organisation. Anonymous, I'm not my co-worker but I've 100% had sexy dreams about my husband's co-worker and I like it.

Oh, okay. Now is that cheating? Yes. You can't control your dreams. Yeah, it's out of your control. Rebecca said a bit more than thoughts and then

zip mouth emoji say no more lucky Rebecca is such a common name yeah Erica sure have

both were in relationships at the same time nothing happened until after we both became single but long story short and six years later

we're engaged and he's the love of my life we call that in the industry an overlap. There's an overlap, Erica. An overlap. There was an overlap, Erica.

Never a single day. No. There was an emotional overlap there. Yeah. You've become intertwined. Classic. Chris said, currently hooking up with one.

Oh, okay. Oh, hot. My man. Any more details? No, no. Just dot, dot, dot. What industry do you reckon? I reckon insurance. I think they work at the butcher together. My man. Any more details? No, no. Just dot, dot, dot. What industry do you reckon? I reckon insurance.

I think they work at the butcher together. Dirty. Really? Oh, that'd be hot. No, I don't know if it would be. Give them the milk to the meat. It's not a sexy place. Kelly said, I work for family, so absolutely not.

That's good. That's good. That's good. It would be concerning if you did vote yes on that. Jen said yes, and then I stole him from his girlfriend, and now we're married. Oh, okay. Wow.

I'm a buy guy that works on site in mining. Of course I've had dirty thoughts about almost everybody I see. There'll be a few mats. Zero, I reckon. I reckon there'll be a metal too. A buy guy who works in mining? Yeah. That's hot.

Hayley's been triggered. Hayley's been triggered. Hayley's been triggered. Any stories? Any stories from the mines? No stories. I mean, we can ask for some. We can get some more stories from the mines.

Fly in, fly out. Hey-o. Hey-o. I'll FIFO you. Oh, hey-o. I'll FIFO you. Open cast mine or tunnel dig? I don't know.

Was that a bit much for you? Tunnel dig. Tunnel dig. Tunnel dig. I can't put a bit of bloody open cast like that, can you, mate? Okay, we all got a bit carried away there. I do apologise. It's a bit saucy, that. So many times and mostly about my boss, said Emma.

Wow, okay. That's hot. Brianne said no, but probably would if any of them were worth it. A lot of mingers here. I read enough romance that it's quite surprising I haven't had one of these. Yeah, right. And I work for myself. So, yeah, all the time I'm having dirty thoughts about this.

Zach. Zach. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. So good. Now, here's a study. This is out of America, but I reckon this applies worldwide. The toughest jobs. Americans were asked to rank them based on their own experiences

and their perception of the jobs. Okay. Toughest meaning like hardest. Not tough as in like it's hard to crack into the industry. You've got to mingle, that kind of thing. Okay, here's hard to crack into the industry. You know, you've got to mingle, that kind of thing. Yeah. Okay,

here's the toughest job. Okay, is radio announcer anywhere on the list? I don't even think it wafted into the room. Because I've got a sore leg. Okay, but that's not from talking.

I don't think it's radio related, but I just want everyone to know I've got a bit of a sore leg. I have quite a dry throat and as a professional talker, that's not ideal. Yeah. So that's tough. No look I'm going to bust through these bottom ones

like plasterers of the 20th carpenter, lawyer isn't here teacher. Let's just have a moment for how artful plasterers are. Dude when you find a good plasterer. When they are good and they just go whoosh whoosh whoosh and they're incredible. They've got the trowel thing and they pick some up out of the bucket and like it's incredible they've got the trowel and they pick some up

out of the bucket and then they slop slop slop between the trowels and then they just start and then it's smooth and it's good and then you try to fix a hole in your wall

and you're like how is this so hard to get it to close lumpy lumpy lumpy exactly what about when they start running corners

oh my god it's amazing yeah and they get no good they put those little metal brackets on a little bit yeah

it's beautiful stuff shout out to Plastras It's amazing. Yeah. And they get no good. They put those little metal brackets on a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful stuff. Shout out to Plasterers. Yeah, shout out to my plasterer. His name is Wow. I also like when they make... Wait, his name's Wow. Wow.

And were the walls Wow? The walls are Wow. Okay. It was meant to be. Wow, wowed. I like that bucket. When they mix it in the bucket and they've got that thing

that looks like a big stick blender. Oh, yeah. But it's not. It's a drill with a massive like mixing attachment on it. Okay, well. You could churn butter with that. Shout outs to number 20 on the list.

You totally could churn butter with that. Plaster is the hardest jobs at 20. Let's jump ahead a bit. 14th, home builder and then electrician above that, roofer, nurse is an 11th. Now we're heading into the hardest jobs, 10, oil worker. And do you, I follow some of we're heading into the hardest jobs, 10 oil worker.

And I follow some of these on Instagram and you're like, that's crazy. Insane. I follow oil workers on Instagram because they're like ginormous men. I don't need to follow men. I mean, you're selling it to me. I'll definitely give them a follow now. But I just remember 1998's Armageddon where Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck

were oil rig workers and that was no easy task. They sent them to the bloody comet. Yeah, because you don't know when you're going to be on an oil rig one day and then the next day shot into space to save the world. Shot into space. Well, we're heading into space. Air traffic controller is ninth. God, that would be

stressful. That would be so stressful. I've been recently talking to an air traffic controller based in the United States. Have you? Star Wars got us chatting. What? Are you flirting? No, there's no flirting. It was just Star Wars friends.

I didn't know you were a bi guy. No, it's a woman. But again, there's no flirting. I beg your pardon. She's just like, what did you and your family do for Star Wars?

Did you hear that? Hayley didn't think a woman could be an air traffic controller. I've always said you're sexist. I assumed. Yeah, I know you have always said that and now it's so sad. A sexist man pig. A woman can do an air traffic controller. I've always said you're a sexist. Yeah, I have always said that and now we're saying it.

A sexist man pig. A woman can do anything. Not everything. They can do anything apart from lead countries. I don't think they should do that. No, because when they're going

to have children that's going to get in the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are the children? Okay, we've got an eighth person. But wait, what about the air traffic controller? She messaged saying

what did you and your family do for Star Wars? Here's me and my family. We're watching some Star Wars. And I was like, this is awesome. And then her kids were having lightsaber fights. And I was like, this is great. She's an international podcast listener.

And then I don't know how it came up that she works in air traffic control. And it's been stripped back immensely. Oh, yeah. Planes are going to start crashing. Yeah, dude. We don't want to do that. Planes are already crashing.

Yeah, I know. They don't need any help crashing. They don't need help crashing. It's horrible. Okay, let's shout out our number eight position of the toughest, most demanding jobs. Farmer is an eighth. Yeah, dude. Early mornings.

Oh, no wonder they're whinging. If they're number eight on the list. What? Sorry. Oh, flesh. You say as you drink your very milky coffee. Thank you, farmers. After you eat your very milky oats. Thank you, farmers! After you eat your very milky oats.

Thank you, farmers. Yeah, they have bloody grown for you. Okay, seventh is astronauts. And we don't mean your K-periods, we mean your actuals. Oh, I just thought of a real good joke for farmers. Go back to farmers. Okay, go.

Say it again. Okay, so the eighth toughest job is farmers. Oh, how hard is it selling duvets? Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Shannon liked it. Shannon liked it.

Putting on all those red dot specials. Yeah, how hard is it putting the red dot specials on everything? Okay, well, shout out to our farmers and our workers at Farmers. Shannon really liked that joke. Okay. Seventh. Seventh, astronauts. Sixth is paramedics.

And shout out to our paramedics. Oh, dude. Abso- I just just like, I could not imagine doing that. I know I've got a friend, a really good friend that does this for a job.

Horrible job. Oh, terrible. Driving towards something you don't know what it is. But you know it's bad. I'd just see a mangled leg and be like, no, I'll just pass this one

on to Terry. Yeah, I don't want to do the mangled leg. Okay, here is your top five hardest jobs, most demanding jobs. You've got police officer in fifth, of course. Yes, of course.

Same thing they see a lot. Fourth is your doctors. Shout out to our doctors. Third, we've got military. Now, remember, this is America that this was based out of. I don't think our military would be a walk in the park, but we're not America. No.

We're not America. No, no, no, no. Because we do peacekeeping. They sort of do invading. Yeah. Yeah, they do peacekeeping. Like if you're in the military in America at the moment, you could be invading Canada or Greenland at any moment.

Any minute. At any moment. I just don't come down here. Okay, your top two, construction work. That's in your second position for the hardest jobs. Because it's dangerous and it's physical. Very dangerous. Yeah, okay.

And big tools. And your top toughest job, firefighter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because you're getting the smoke inhalation. Yeah, there's a lot of things. You've got to run into burning buildings. You've got to rescue cats.

There's people involved. You've got to get the cats out of the trees. You're hot. You've got to have abs. Yeah. You are sexy. Yeah, you've got to get ready for out of the trees. You're hot. You've got to have abs. You are sexy. Yeah, you've got to get ready for the calendar all while saving lives. Oh, yeah, there's always pressure to be in the calendar. So that takes its toll.

Yeah, exactly, it does. So those are your toughest jobs. Radio announcing? Not on there. Comedy? Not on there. Comedian? Yeah, not on there.

Also, wow, this was an American list and teacher wasn't on there. Yeah, I know. Isn't that wild? It should be right up there. It's a danger job. It is a danger job. We're joined in studio by, despite his moniker, Bad News, Brad, one of our favourite people, Brad Olsen. Good morning.

Good morning to you, sir. Official title, please. CEO of Infometrics and Big Dog. I'll take it. I'll take it. First time nail. Big Dog. Very close. Now, Brad, you've just had some of Producer Shannon's homemade butter.

In the Costa Blanca crisis, she presented a hack yesterday, which blew us away. And we actually worked out it would be cheaper than buying a block of butter. It does include a bit of time. I mean, you can taste the muscle in there that's gone into shaking up the cream. Although I did hear when I was talking in the producer's booth

earlier that there's an additional hack to this that would actually give you an ability to cut down on the amount of time that you need to shake. You put a marble in there. Yeah, or just use a machine or something. You want to clean marble, though. Clean the marble. Yeah, why is butter so expensive?

Hey, where have your marbles been? Oh, mate, you don't want to know where my marbles have been, right? That's an off-air conversation. Why is butter so crazy expensive at the moment? Well, the rest of the world's demanding so much of it, which is great from a New Zealand perspective. Can't we just keep it for ourselves and then the leftover we'll give to the world?

Well, you could, but I will look to the person who has a bit of a semi-farm, small farm. If someone offered you $10 for your butter overseas or $5 for it in New Zealand, who are you going to sell to? Oh, Brad, don't do this to me. Is he a good person? Oh, he's not a lefty now, is he? He sees big bucks.

Yeah, I mean, we all would, right? We'd all want $10 instead of $5. Why has butter overseas gone up so much? One, there's a lot of demand for it. People are still eating it quite a bit. But most importantly, dairy production in some parts of the world, particularly Europe, are down. So they're not making as much. Have they had floods

or droughts or something? There seems to be a lack of milk coming out of Europe. Lazy. Well, the other interesting one's the US because they're not making quite as much milk. They don't have as much beef either which means that if you want those Macca's hamburgers in the United States, you need some good New Zealand meat. So, again,

good from that point of view that our farmers are making a lot more money. That is certainly a positive, but it also flows down and it starts to affect the domestic price. So re that, how does Trump's tariffs affect New Zealand butter and beef going in there? Butter shouldn't be as much of a concern. Dairy is not sort of huge, huge in terms of what we export to the US, but I think we send something like 2.6 billion in beef over to the US.

Now, the difference is those guys have got the lowest beef stock in 70 years. So if they didn't buy our stuff because of the tariffs, where are they going to get their meat from? They can't just magic it up. They've got fewer cows than any time before. And they mix New Zealand's really good pasture-based meat with all the grain-fed stuff they get in the US. Ooh.

Well, they seem to like it, and they're taking a fair bit of ours. Yellow. So that's cool. Bloody orange cheese. They eat orange cheese. They're a bit weird over there. Everything's plastic as well. Yeah, highly processed.

But they'll take it. And so, again, from an export point of view, we had, I think, new commodity price data out the last couple of days from one of the banks that, again, showed that the numbers are good. So from a primary sector perspective, more money coming in. From a household perspective, yeah, it's costing. I mean, I was looking at the numbers are good. So from a primary sector perspective, more money coming in. From a household perspective, yeah, it's costing. I mean, I was looking at the numbers before.

The good golden stuff is very expensive. Now we asked Brad. I'm going back to margarine. I'm just saying. I say it right here, right now. Olivano. Olivano, Richard. Let's do a collab.

Let's do a collab. Yeah. What are you, a 90s mother? We asked our listeners some questions. Brad, when is it safe again to look at our KiwiSaver? Hashtag Eyes Wide Shut. Well, this is interesting. So, I mean, after the chaos of April,

the S&P 500 actually ended the month in positive territory. It recovered all of the losses. But is this on the assumption that Trump's using this as a bargaining chip? I mean, anyone who's actually making call of what they think Trump is going to do, I think it's going to be a sellout. I think it's more the market went, OK, things were catastrophic in the middle of April, and then when there was a bit of a, the US president decided he'd put some, a bit of a pause, 90-day pause on these tariffs, everyone went,

could be worse, maybe I'll jump back up. I looked at the Dow Jones Industrial Average, a little bit of a heavier index, could be worse, maybe I'll jump back up. I looked at the Dow Jones Industrial Average, a little bit of a heavier index, if you will, still down about 2% from where it was at the end of March, start of April. So look, it's a bit tough, but to be fair, I feel like for people who are keen to get an idea of how bad the damage might be, yeah, now's probably not a bad time to look at it because you won't be as scared as a couple of weeks back. But if you're wanting to use it anytime soon if you're thinking of using it for a home deposit or similar before you look at it go and talk to someone and go look I haven't looked at it yet it's it's scary

because it's it's a big number and it could be a big change and go but when I do look at it what should I be doing with it right because somebody else asked a question will we see more reduction in interest rates given the whole USA and uncertainty? It's an interest, we could, the jury's still out a little bit next Reserve Bank update from the New Zealand Reserve Bank is at the end of this month so we'll have a couple of weeks yet. We'll

also of course have the government's budget so there'll be a few things in the fiscal mix before we get a good view. But just this morning the US equivalent of the Reserve Bank, their Federal Reserve, they decided to keep interest rates on hold. So there's a little bit of worry that, yes, the economic activity numbers might not be as good. You might have to cut interest rates a bit more. But at the same time, everyone's still worried about inflation. Let's be clear, the last couple of years sucked on the pricing front. So if we can just be

a bit cautious. That's what somebody actually said. Troy said, how do they measure inflation? Because I've just worked out the price of my internet, gas, power, and rates have gone up 12% in six months. So how is inflation not bigger? Yeah, so Stats NZ looks at all of the spending. So it's a weighted average. And so, yes, all of those prices will have gone up roughly that much. Those sound sort of fairly similar looking across a number of things.

But a lot of the other items that you buy just day to day probably won't have increased quite as much. Humans do have a tendency to notice, funnily enough, when prices are going up a lot more than when they're going down or staying the same. But yeah, no, it's a totally fair point. Interestingly, Stats has just been re-looking at the inflation basket. They look at it every sort of three to four years to make sure it keeps up with what people are actually spending.

A few hots and nots to profile. The likes of pillows are in to the CPI basket. Pillows! I need new pillows. The price of pillows will now be part of calculating inflation rates. I just purchased a pillow about five weeks ago. Did you buy it? Four weeks ago.

So does that mean I've inflated? Was it that close to pillow? No. So it's not your specific purchase, but it's more that, look, enough people are now buying pillows and putting them on their beds and stuff like that. They're now measured. The other fun one, Hayley's going to love this. Woman's track pants. That used to be in the basket. Now,

now it's active wear and yoga pants. So expand it out. There is a graph of people buying active wear and yoga pants. Absolutely. I will say, Brad, from my personal economics, yoga pants beats track pants. A big fan. Good to know.

Absolutely not. No, I'm a huge fan of track pants. You're a track pants guy. I love it. I love day sweatpants. No, the bootay, we've got to have the active wear. Well, the other fun one that I'll just note very quickly is that apparently men aren't getting cold anymore because men's jerseys, they got biffed. They're out of the

basket. We're not doing jerseys. We're not tracking jerseys. I think it's actually because we find it difficult to find them at the shops these days. Brad, before you go, do you have any good news for us on the home front? Well, I mean, look, if you can find Producer Shannon, then you've got a pretty good

butter churner that's available. That's the only good news you've got. Look, it's tough out there. It really is. I mean, producer Shannon, then you've got a pretty good butter churner that's available. That's the only good news you've got up here to buy our food. Look, it's tough out there. It really is. I mean, everyone I talk to, everyone is in the same place. They're asking why is everything still feeling so expensive? You know, the jobs front is feeling tougher.

Like, I hear that and I see it when I go around the country and similar. It is tough out there. I'm sort of hoping that, you know, when we look through a lot of the numbers, interest rates are still coming down, so that's reassuring. But I think that people are looking at that and going, even with that, the world just feels uncertain.

And that's tough. When everyone's going, look, I just don't know what's around the corner. It's actually easier when things look bleak because you can plan around bleak. You can't plan around who on earth knows what's happening next. So it's a toughie. Because Hayley's had to go to Caskwine. when things look bleak because you can plan around bleak. You can't plan around who on earth knows what's happening next.

Yeah. It's a toughie. Because Hayley's had to go to cask wine. Yeah, and I tell you what, sometimes it's gritty. Do you know what I mean? It's got a bit of grit in it

and I'm like, what's that? Yeah, you get to the bottom and the tannins are sitting. But I tell you what, it saves you having to buy a pillow because you can block the thing in the end

and sleep on that. All I can say is I'm looking forward to seeing my good friend Hayley on Friday night for her new show because I feel like I need a bit of comedic relief

at the moment. Oh mate, I'll make you laugh and make you forget it all. Even Brad News, Brad's like, it's all bad news baby. It's just,

it's tough out there. I want to be realistic. I sometimes worry that particularly, you know, those of us who come out of Wellington, we sort of talk a big game and we're always like, you know,

here's all the big fancy words and numbers and similar. Like, the reality for a lot of people I talk to is she's tough out there and I'd rather acknowledge it than say, you know what, she'll be right. She will be right, but acknowledging at the moment, she's tough. Okay, Brad. Brad, on Friday, can you buy me a nice wine from the bar?

Because I'm sick of this bloody glitchy cask wine. Honestly, it's bleak. Brad, on Friday, can you buy me a nice wine from the bar? Because I'm sick of this bloody gritty cask wine. Honestly, it's bleak. Brad, thank you. Play ZM's Flesh, Fawn and Hayley. I actually didn't know these guys dated. This was a decade ago that Miley Cyrus, who we all adore, and Patrick Schwarzenegger, who is Arnold's son, but also like one of the big stars of White Lotus, the new season.

They dated about 10 years ago I didn't know that I didn't know this until I saw like that I was at BuzzFeed or somebody did a all the couples at the all the exes at the Met oh yeah because Barry Keegan and Sabrina Carpenter was a big one yeah well Miley there was a meme and it was like the two types of people when they know the ex is going to be at a function and she's like half up the stairs, the glamorous, the thing she was wearing. And he was just kind of like standing there with his arms in front of him.

Good stuff. Yeah. Well, Miley, there was a great photo of like, in video of Miley like walking past Patrick and just like nothing. Like she doesn't even. She either didn't see him or she didn't want to see him. And he sees her and looks and kind of smiles and stuff. It's like, it's awkward as hell.

Especially when she, yeah, as you say, it's usually the woman who's just like so glamorous at the bit. Would that have been a surprise for him? Or maybe, cause she'd be, maybe she's, maybe she'd go. Maybe she wouldn't. You wouldn't know. Yeah. The people invited to the meet are the people who are like hot right now.

You know, you're not always, it's not all the celebrities. And he's very hot right now. All the White Lotus stars were there. Walton Goggins, by the way, looked so good. Yeah. Side point. But Miley's also hot. So I think they would have known that they were going to be there.

I reckon. Also, it's been 10 years. Yeah, 10 years yeah 10 years but this is what we wanted to know this morning is when and where did you run into an ex and like was it awkward because it's always awkward when it's a surprise right you you round you round the corner of the supermarket and they're just you can't escape because they've already seen you. Yeah. And they've already seen you naked. And you're like, hi. Hi.

Hi. And then maybe you're with someone as well. And you're like, this is this person. Yeah. Like their best friend and you haven't told them. I reckon there'd be a bit of that. Bit of that. We've got lots of Instagram responses.

Okay. Let's get the ball rolling. I'm an ED nurse in triage, and he came in with his girlfriend, who's 20 years younger than him, and their new baby. And you've got to be all professional. Yeah. How are you? He came in to work.

I work in fast food. A week after breaking up with me, with his new girlfriend, and the place I work, not close to his place at all. So he went out of his way. Out of his way to drag her there. That's a bit rough. Pathetic. Yeah.

Ripped the entire ass off my jeans dancing very aggressively into club. What? Only to see him with another girl. Exes running into each other at the Met Gala, Barry Keegan and Sabrina Carpenter, Miley Cyrus, Patrick Schwarzenegger and there would have been so many more.

So we want to know when and where you ran into an ex. How awkward was it? Oh, these stories are so awkward and great. I love them. Alex, you ran into an ex in a whole other country. Yeah, so an ex I was with in New Zealand

dated for a while and then about six months after we broke up, I went to New York to go and do Camp America. Okay. Amazing. And as I get to Grand Central Station, guess who I see? Oh, get out. Was your ex also doing Camp America? No, she was staying with her uncle in New York and it just happened to be a Grand Central Station at the same time. That's crazy.

That's wild. Now, if this was a romantic comedy, this is where the love would have been rekindled. Yeah. You would have seen her and realised. Did you rekindle the love, Alex? We rekindled. What? A few times

yes we ended up sort of dating again for the whole sort of four months I was in I was in America what

okay rekindling and then and then what did anything come of that no no this is a

an ex from a good few years ago yeah okay I was I was expecting the same thing we're married we've got 500 kids. Wait, wait, wait. So you see her at Grand Central, you go up to her

and you're like, what are you doing here? Chat, chat, chat. And then how are you like, well, should we hang out? Yeah, well, she said, well, she's staying with her uncle. Her uncle was living in New York. So she was like, do you want to come and stay with us for a few days? And I was like,

sure. I'm not going to say no. Yeah. And yeah, headed off from there. Amazing. Alex, thank you. Anonymous,

when did you run into an ex? Oh, hi. Is this me? Yes. It is, yes. Oh, so this is my most recent ex before my current partner.

Yeah. Went for a walk with a friend after purchasing a home, saw that my neighbour's house was having an open home, thought would be nosy, walked in and he's in there with his current girlfriend. No, no, no. Kind of just pretended that I didn't even know him. To make matters worse,

you know how the agent kind of asked for your details afterwards. Yes. The next day, the agent called me and obviously muddled us up and was talking about their budget and everything before I could say, I'm the wrong person. Oh, my God. Did they end up buying the house? No, thank goodness.

Oh, my God. Literally right next door. Imagine if your ex and new partner moved in and didn't even know it. That would be hilarious. Horrible. Yeah. Again, the start of some kind of weird movie as well. This kind of happened to me. I lived in a flat that was downstairs

of a big villa and one day the upstairs people were moving in and it was my ex-boyfriend's brother because I heard my ex-boyfriend's voice and I was like, what? And he was like, I'm moving my brother in. Yeah, definitely stressed out about it for the next few weeks. Anonymous, thank you. Some messages.

I ran into my ex. Him and his partner were in the next room at the maternity ward. He came in to say hi. I didn't look great. No. I don't know you're popping out a baby. Yeah. So you've obviously both moved on. In quite a large way. At least nine months ago.

It was at my wedding. My husband found out his best man got sick with COVID. When it was time for the wedding, I saw my ex walk up and stand next to my husband as best man. Turns out they were childhood best friends. My ex passed me the ring and said that I should have been putting on his ring. No, he didn't. No, he didn't.

Maybe it's a joke. Maybe it's a joke. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Maybe it's a joke. Maybe it's a joke. No, he didn't. I was at McDonald's with my husband and older kids and their dad was also with us.

We were talking when we saw someone walk in and we all looked and noticed it was my oldest daughter's father who we hadn't seen in 20 years.

I had three baby daddies and one Maccas. Three baby daddies! Wow. I think you get a discount on nuggies if that happens. You should. If that happens you get so much of a discount on nuggies. I'd just be like wanting the ground to open up

and swallow me. I ran into my ex and he proceeded to introduce me to his girlfriend of eight years. This was the girl he'd cheated on me with. I turned around and introduced him to my husband and both my children. Heard through the grapevine they broke up two weeks after because he refused to propose to her. Oh, right. After eight years. Yeah. You get a

grip. Yeah, kind of. Love is dead. I was playing netball, competition level. He was on the sideline. Turns out I was playing against his teenage daughter. She was the person that I was marking. Oh, wow. Okay.

A netball. Another ex again, supermarket, called out my name. I turned, he hugged me like he hadn't cheated on me. I evolved. Yeah, nah, got out of that conversation real quick. Yeah, I think if you see an ex and you've done them dirty, you don't, maybe a hello, but that's it. You don't hug them. A sheepish hello at most. I ran into

an ex-London hookup slash boyfriend but back here in New Zealand he came into my work after he injured his testicles. Couldn't have happened to a nicer person actually. I found out that he was in a relationship and I was his side piece when he was telling me that he wasn't in a relationship. Yeah, but then weird if you've got to examine his testicles and

you've been intimate with him previously. Well, you'll know what they looked like beforehand, before the injury. Yeah. Would you say something like, pick them up in your hand and say, hello, my old friends or something like that? Hello, old friends.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, producer Carlin, the criminal. Oh, stop it. Smooth criminal. No, no. Give us the quick recap. If you've just joined, you were accused by a petrol station of stealing petrol,

more petrol than your car could take. They send you a letter. It was an incredible photo. We should ask for that. Hideous photo. Hideous photo. We should get Carwen a framed photo of her on the forecourt. Yes!

Attempting to steal more fuel than her car can hold and give it to you for your birthday. That would be funny. It would be funny, but you've just spoiled the surprise. Damn it. Well, you got this letter and it just turns out it must have been someone else because you paid, the app must have messed up somehow. Yeah, it seems like it was a few minutes difference

and somehow their system has told them that it was me, but it was like the person after me or something like that. But I had... Allegedly, this is what she's claiming. I know. I have the receipts, proof, receipts, all of it. Are you sure you weren't filling up some milk containers of petrol in the back car just for later?

Yeah. She also knows how to use Photoshop. Just a heads up. With her proof and her receipts. I do love the smell of petrol in the back car, distillator. Yeah. She also knows how to use Photoshop. Just a heads up. With her proof and her receipts. I do love the smell of petrol. But I haven't sold it, I promise. Anyway, so the other day I was driving home. I hear a ding on my phone.

I'm like, oh, I wonder who's emailed me. Get home. They've reached out. The petrol station has reached out. Their comms woman has reached out. You know why, though? This is because we threatened to go to the CEO of British Petroleum. The Canadian guy.

The Canadian guy. Maybe he talked to the comms people and said, get on to this. Yeah. But they'd heard me cussing them out on the radio. Yeah. And they were very concerned and they really wanted to fix it for me. Which is so lovely. That's lovely.

It's the power of radio. It's the power of radio. We talk about things happen. This must be what they felt like on Fair Goal every time they got a company to cower to,

you know. I'm Pippa Wetzel. Yeah. Yes, you are. You're the Pippa. People look at me and they say, there is a blonde woman

with a mix of Germanic and Pacific Island history. I don't know if they do, Vaughan. That's what they say. Okay. So what did they say then? So she was like, hey, we're so sorry for this.

Could you please send me your rego, the station this happened at, and your phone number so we can get in touch. Okay. That's annoying. She should already have that information. It's already been provided.

Well, no, she's in the comms office. She wouldn't know. I guess they also just want a cross-reference, right? I didn't say my license plate on here. I think that would be quite bad. So, you know. No, I give out Hayley's license plate and home address every day. All the time.

All the time. All the time, yeah. Okay. Well, I'll refrain. So, anyways, I send that back. She goes, amazing. Someone's going to be in touch. And I'm like, another phone call, quite honestly.

I just want to sleep but anyway um and I get a call from a lovely man who was extremely concerned he was like I'm so sorry that I had to hear this through the radio and this wasn't resolved when you tried to get it resolved and I didn't hear this from my staff yep um so he was very apologetic I accepted their apology of course of course. Oh, this is nice. It's all fixed. All fixed. I said, well, this... Have they given you things like gifts and like, you know, free nut bars for life or something? I'm free nut bars.

Nut bars? Who's buying nut bars at the petrol station? Me, all the time. Okay, well, no. Lame. Like, why not the 241 chocolate bars? What about the Turkish Delight? You love a Turkish Delight.

Why don't you get the 241 Turkish Delights? I can't, every time I fill up petrol petrol be getting in there and having Turkish delight. Right. Okay. I think you'll find a nut bar is probably about a Turkish delight, but just not as yum. Don't come at me. This is about Karlyn and her crimes, okay? No, you're committing the crime of going into a service station and fooling yourself into

thinking a nut bar is the healthier option. Yeah, it's not any healthier. You should be getting a peanut slab, dude. Get an almond gold. Treat yourself to an almond gold. Yeah, I'm actually very much in an almond gold mood right now. Did they give you an almond gold or a nut bar or anything? Not a nut bar or an almond gold, but they have offered that next

time I pop in, I can go up to the counter, let them know my name, and I'll have a coffee and a muffin on them. Oh, I do love the servo muffins. Yeah, the good muffins. When they reheat them for a little bit, it's good stuff.

Do you know why they're good? They don't overcomplicate them. You walk into a bougie Auckland or Wellington cafe, too much, too much. You're doing too much with the muff. The service station muffs are good. No, I think the service station muffs, the only thing is it needs more butter.

Oh, you reckon? I want to be able to chop it in half. I want to be able to chop that 10 seconds in the microwave. Yeah. And then butter. And then give me some butter to take away. And now we're talking. You can get a butter.

Because size-wise, you're not going wrong with a service station muff. Oh, good size. Get your mouth all around it. Good muff. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. I want to ask, this is quite a deep question this morning, isn't it?

Yeah. Quite a serious question. Have you, has a near-death experience changed your life or changed something about you? Yeah. Like, you were just saying your near-death experience when you ran into the lady cleaning the tampon machine.

Someone has asked for more information. She dropped it as I hit her, and it hit the ground, and there was sort of a splash up, and I pulled back, and some of it got on my knee. Okay, that's not a near- So close to my mouth. See, when I was nearly taken out by a large terracotta pot plant falling from a balcony,

and it was a foot away and smashed in front of me. That's near death. Oh, you know, you're talking to a guy who's experienced near death. I know exactly what you're talking about. You know, life changes, man. So a study has found that people that have near-death experiences, it often leads people to dramatically shift their work values. They move away from status, money, and career ambition,

and then they want to do more purpose-driven work. Yeah, for sure. Like, they want to have purpose and meaningful connection. I have a couple of friends that have been, you know, survived cancer journeys, and definitely their whole things change. Career change, priority change, stripped-back friends. Oh, really? Yeah, because people that weren't there. They didn't care about status.

Like, they were at Airpoint Silver and they were just like, it doesn't matter if I'm jaded. It doesn't matter, man. As a lifelong jade, as a lifelong jade, I can tell you

the status makes no difference. Yeah. Okay. When you survive cancer, if you can't get into the lounge. If you get cancer, you're not going to get to the front of the line

just because you go to late. You know what I mean? Exactly. You have a heart attack, you're just as likely to die as a silver. As a silver. You're just as likely to die as a silver. As a silver. You're just as likely to die out in the bigger airport

as you are in the corner lounge, you know? And when that plane goes nose down straight into the earth at 480 miles an hour, it's not going to matter where you were sitting. Yeah. No, actually, sorry. Star Alliance elite, they do make sure that you'll survive the crash

yeah that's a guarantee is it is it a guarantee that's a status thing yeah right so I don't know

it's I don't know maybe you you have been in a situation where you were in an accident or you dodged death and you were like

like you say like cancer journeys people would go through health journeys but then also people don't let you hear of old mates that have heart attacks and you think that would like you say, like cancer journeys, people would go through health journeys. But then also, people don't let you hear of old mates that have heart attacks and you think that would be a wake-up call. Nah.

But they don't care. Back on the darts, back on the red wines. Back on everything that got me to this position. The steaks and the darts. Yeah. But I don't know. I'd love to take some calls this morning. 0800 dials at M. Text in 9696. When did a near-death experience change your life?

Did it change you? Near-death experiences often cause people to make huge life changes. Yeah, ditching. New perspective on life. Ditching the status and jobs that maybe don't have any meaning. They want to find jobs that have meaning. More of a purposeful life. And that's what we're asking you this morning. If a

near-death experience changed you in some way. When that plant nearly hit me I really, I think I might have. You petitioned to the Auckland City Council for more stringent windowsill rules. Awnings and windowsill No, it didn't change at all. Yeah. But it's not really

I mean if it had hit me on the head maybe it would have changed. Yeah. I don't know. Or you'd be dead. Or I'd be dead. Oh so you mean having an actual near-death experience. Yeah,'s not really. I mean, if it had hit me on the head, maybe it would have changed. Yeah. I don't know. Or you'd be dead. Or I'd be dead, yeah. Oh, so you mean having an actual near-death experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it wasn't near enough, maybe. Yeah, not close enough.

Okay. Cesare went wrong at the time. Baby and I nearly, both nearly lost through bleeding out. Oh, wow. I will say a lot of serious messages in. Very serious. But we did ask the times people nearly died and how it changed their life.

So I feel like we were inviting. I didn't think this was going to be light and fluffy. No. Then it tore open again 10 days later and I nearly bled to death again. From that, I changed my job because I got my second chance and I think everyone deserves a second chance.

I helped with rehabilitation of prisoners. Oh, that's nice. And see, that's exactly what the study says. That's a job with meaning and purpose, isn't it? You're helping people.

I found out that I was epileptic in 2019. Sober drove one of my best friends to bedrooms, had a seizure at the wheel. My physical and mental health have been my top priorities

ever since. Yeah, good. Just looking after myself. You would prioritise looking after yourself. Yeah, prioritising all of it. I don't need any experience, but it was my husband.

He went into cardiac arrest for 25 minutes and did CPR the entire time. It makes you appreciate life more. And birthdays are no longer one of those days where you're like, just another day.

Well, that's me. God damn, every one of these is just an honour to be here. Wow. I nearly got hit by a pot plant that got knocked off a second story window by my sister's best friend. It missed my head by inches and scraped my Wow. I nearly got hit by a pot plant that got knocked off a second story window by my sister's best friend.

It missed my head by inches. It scraped my ankle. I was 12. I've still got the scar. Mine was the fifth story. I'm not trying to one up here. Which would have added more sort of speed. It would have actually,

yeah, so I probably nearly died more than she did. More than you nearly died. Just saying. No, but it actually hit her. Yours missed entirely. Yeah, but second story. That's her ankle. I say she's got a lifelong scar.

Every time she sees that scar, she'll be reminded, you don't really. Carpe diem. Do you? No, I don't. You don't have a scar, do you? Do you?

No. And so what does she do differently now? Just not walk by buildings. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't fare. Well, that's a change, isn't it? Yeah, that's a change. We did ask her technically.

Yeah, hard to live in a sort of modern, developed country like this and not walk past buildings. It's a change, isn't it? Yeah, it's a change. We did ask them technically. Yeah, hard to live in a sort of modern, developed country like this and not walk past buildings. It's hard. I watched my husband suffer an unsurvivable heart attack and was then made redundant from a job because I put my family before my job.

Yep. Oh my God. No, sorry. I put the job before my family and then they made me redundant anyway. I'm now unemployed and I don't give an F. And I've also given up and moved away

from a lot of people that weren't, you know, making my life the right place. Wow. Good on you. I got arrested six weeks in remand.

I'm never again. I'm now the straightest I've ever been. Not sexually. I've been that man on the straight and narrow. You're used to being gay. Yeah, right.

I've been that man on the straight and narrow because they saw what prison was like. Yeah. It was just like, no, not a near-death experience there but a total and narrow. I think they meant on the straight and narrow because they saw what prison was like. It was just like, no, not a near-death experience there, but a total life change. I decided to go paddle boarding in the middle of Lake Wanaka. I decided to go paddle boarding in Lake Wanaka

in the middle of a lightning storm. What? Me and my friend's hair got static, so we decided to stand up on the paddle board holding a metal oar. Why? Now I drink every weekend. What the hell is this?

I don't know what's happened there. That just sounds like someone that's fast and loose. Liz, you had a near-death experience. I did, yeah. So when I was 24, I was in Belize and almost died

while I was scuba diving. Oh, okay. Beautiful country. This is why I'm terrified of scuba diving. Honestly, so I'm a marine biologist, so my dream was to be a diver. I was going to be a professional diver.

Went to Belize with an ex. Went to a really cheap dive shop. Don't do that. And my equipment failed. So I had to get an emergency sent to the surface and went unconscious. And then woke up in a dive chamber three hours later, paralyzed from the neck down. An emergency sent to the surface and went unconscious. And then woke up in a dive chamber three hours later,

paralysed from the neck down. Wait, so how far under the water were you when your equipment failed? 18 metres. Oh, and is that bends? If you just go up to the top too quick, you get the bends? Yeah, so basically they thought it was, so I had what's called a cerebral gas embolism. So a gas bubble blocked my brain.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. So you woke up in a tank paralyzed. What happens next? I spent the next eight hours in there. And thank God got my feeling back in the rest of my body. But it took years to kind of feel like myself again. And obviously I had to change careers.

Wow. Wow. Okay. And then do you, and so do you think about things differently now? Yeah, definitely. It's kind of a weird one though, because, you know, everyone thinks you'd just be so grateful to be alive, but like, there's just so much with PTSD that you go through. Yeah. But, um, no, I just changed my life and changed my career and met my new partner and have

a beautiful life now. Oh my God, we're so happy you're alive. That's so good. Have you ever gone, like, do you go back in the water or is that triggering for you?

Yeah, so I, the reason I ended up, so I was doing a PhD at the time and I had to leave that because I was told I was never allowed to scuba dive again.

Yep. But I still free dive. You still free dive? No, no, she's not relying on any equipment to fail. She just knows her body's going to be like, no further down, please. Yeah, so I'm real careful.

I'm cautious about it. I love the ocean. I can't not be in it. Good on you. That's amazing. Yeah, but I love the ocean and I just sort of wade in the sort of tide, you know, on the surface.

Not deep enough that your pina colada gets spilled. Oh no, I don't even get my hair wet. Oh my God. Are you just in a resort pool? It sounds like you're in a resort pool, Hayley. She can see the ocean is what she's saying. I can see the ocean from the resort pool. Liz, thank you for sharing. Some more messages in.

Wow. My brother has had multiple near-death experiences. Last one, the surgeon said they've never seen his injuries outside of a morgue. He's not as much fun or daredevil anymore, but we also aren't fearing every time we get a phone call because he's chilled out a bit. Do you know what it sounds like? He sounds like he's a motocross rider.

Dude, no. That is exactly what I pictured. I did too. Like a farm motorbike. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. So the person who went to Remand Prison,

you'll remember this story from moments ago, and they said they're straighter than ever. Yeah. They said, I will say on the way into Remand Prison, I mooned to the guard. I showed the guard my butthole, and that was terrible. That was a terrible idea. You've got to show them your butthole.

I think you've got to show them your butthole. So think you've got to show them your butthole, Bourne. So you're not squeezing anything. You're not sneaking anything out. Because apparently cell phones are real tiny now. Yeah, you can just get one of those little ones from the early 2000s. Yeah. Put it in there.

Yeah, but where's the challenge in that? I'm doing an iPhone Pro. I'm taking an iPad in. A Pro Max 16. Pro Max 16. Talk to me when you're smuggling an iPad in. Yeah, yeah. Now we're talking.

Get an iPad in. Where are you going to be the coolest dude? Play Subway Surfer in prison on an iPad? Yeah, now we're living. The days will just melt away. ZM's Fletch, Bourne and Hayley. Fact of the Day Somebody sent me In fact they sent me an email

I'm going to say They said you'll love this Jo She said you'll love this My cat bought her a more pork I'm like I don't love that Jo You know what I hate it Jo I hate it Oh Jo I'm like, I don't love that, Joe. You know what? I hate it,

Joe. I hate it. Oh, Joe. I hate it, Joe. I wish you hadn't told me because

this is why I'm anti-cat. This is why they're going to make us register our cats. Microchip the cats. Oh, no.

Gareth Morgan was right all along. Lock them in at night. Honestly, a moor pork would be bigger than Raleigh.

He's quite a small cat. No, they're quite tiny. They're tiny, tiny owls. Are they? They're tiny, tiny owls. with they? They're so tiny owls.

They're so beautiful. They're my favourite. They've got to be top three owls for me. Yeah. Top three owls? I thought you were just going to say top three birds, but no, specifically top three owls. Top five birds, top three owls.

Are you including penguins? I hate penguins. You know that. Penguins? I don't like penguins. Even the real big ones? Even the real big ones. If I go to see an emperor penguin, I'd be like, oh yeah, okay, cool.

But you know my problem with it is the nature documentary fodder, the filler. They're like, this nature documentary is 20 minutes short. What should we do? Let's show the same boring penguin footage where there's that island with a billion other... They're all going. Yeah. I only like them, I particularly like them when they're gay.

I like that. Gay penguins. Oh yeah, the gay penguins. Yeah. Gay animals, of course, are a completely different grading curve. Oh, we love them all. We're here to celebrate them. Yeah, we are. Now, today we are talking about owls because it's owl week and today I want to talk about owl pellets. Okay. You know what owl pellets are? It's when they paint and they've got a little

pellet of all the different colours. No. Pellet, P-E-L-L-E-T-S. No. Owl pellets are daily owl regurgitations because when owls eat their prey, they eat it all. They eat the bones, they eat the when owls eat their prey,

they eat it all. Okay. They eat the bones, they eat the fur, they eat the feathers, they eat the teeth, they eat the insect shells, they eat everything,

but they can't digest it all. They're like an insincerator. Yes. Well, exactly. You shouldn't put everything down your insincerator because it's not meant to take everything. No. Oh, when you actually read the list

of what's not meant to go on the insincerator, it's like, why do I have one? Why do I have an insincerator? Why do I have one? The only thing I can... Onions. Water?

You can't put onions down there. Rice. You can't put rice down there. Banana skins. Banana skins. Egg shells. Egg shells. You can't go down the Nsyncorator.

It's like, this is all I want to go on the Nsyncorator. Yeah, this is 90% of my waist. Yeah. So all you can put down there is water in the tip of your fingers.

Yeah, and maybe a bit of... I don't think you're supposed to put the tip of your fingers down there. It's fun though, fun game. It makes you feel alive. Can I get the teaspoon out?

Can I get the teaspoon out? I just asked ChatGPT what can't I put down my insincorator. Fibrous vegetables, celery, corn, asparagus can't go down there. Oh, what is their purpose? Potato peels can't go down there? Are you kidding me? I know. Rice, pasta or flour, grease, fat or oil,

coffee grounds, bones or fruit pits, eggshells, non-food items. Oh, boring. I used to shove a whole chicken carcass in it when I was done. Oh, no.

No, I think and Sincorator have to up their game. I think we need a grunt here in Sincorator. They need a... It needs to be like the one that was under Flintstones where it was just a pig under there. Yeah. Remember when the pig, the dinosaur pig sat under the Flintstones bench

and ate all the... We're talking about owls, guys. Get back on track. Owl pellets. Owls regurgitate pellets and they're really tiny packed pellets of everything that they couldn't digest when they eat. Oh, okay.

Oh, my God. Wait, regurgitate from the top though, not at the bot? No, not at the bot. Because it doesn't get through the digestive tract. So this is how it works. They'll catch like a mouse, a bird or an insect and often they'll just swallow it whole or in large chunks, tear it apart, swallow it whole.

Down in the stomach begins the sorting. It passes through two parts of the stomach. The one that I can't pronounce secretes enzymes and acids to digest what it can digest. Nah, give it a go, give it a go. Proventralicus. Proventriculus. Okay, you tried. The next one, the gizzard, acts like a grinder and that separates digestible

and indigestible parts. The indigestible material gets compressed into a tight ball and then in about six to ten hours it goes before it eats again and coughs up a pellet. Right. And then is the pellet just on the ground waste? On the ground.

Okay. Yeah, they don't store them. Yeah. They don't have another use for them. So they like studying pellets because it can tell you what they're eating, when they've been eating, and monitor if something's getting into the ecosystem that's new to the owl that could possibly harm the owl. Yeah.

Imagine if we did this. Regurgitate. Imagine how good would that be, eh, if you had maybe a little bit too much to drink. And it's just McDonald's boxes and wrappers. So in this world where we do this, you just literally get the Big Mac box and all and just shove it in your mouth.

Yep. And then later you make a palette of it. You cough up the box. Yeah. And it's like a little bit of the plastic sweet and sour tray. So much more pleasant than like you know. Yeah.

Out comes the pellet. So if you've got owls around you can totally see this. Other birds do it too but this is owl week so shut up falcons and hawks. You'll get your week one day, I promise. So today's fact of the day is owls cough up little owl pellets of stuff that they couldn't digest when they swallowed things whole. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- He turned up in the droves and it was very lovely to have you there. Are there still tickety-wickets for tonight? I think there's a very small handful of tickets for tonight. The rest of Wellington's sold out. Auckland's looking almost sold out. So, soz. But I am touring a member as well. Anyway, however, you know I've been under a bit of pressure recently. I've had some big jobs and I'm touring around Australia

and then doing the gala and then getting this show already. So yesterday I was somewhat frazzled and... I just remembered that's all being recorded. Don't play that. Don't put that on social media. Oh, yeah. I was just making a rude gesture. I did nothing wrong, so please do.

Share with the world. I just made a very rude gesture to Hayley over the zone. He made a rude gesture to me between friends. And what we forget is that these mics, they're always on, and these cameras, so are they. Always recording. Always. Anyway, I was frazzled yesterday, and I got on the flight,

and I have my joke book. Now, sorry. What is this? Did you buy the joke book and you open it up and it's like, it tells you one of the one liners.

Yeah. Yeah. Like what do you call a man with no legs? It's like, Bob, Neil. Oh,

Neil. But he's not Neil, he's got no legs. He's got no legs, he can't kneel. No, but he's kneeling. No,

you'd say, what do you call a man who has no legs from the knees down? What? Because then he's kneeling. He's Neil. Yeah, but that's the setup of the joke. Shit. Yeah. What do you call a man Who has no legs From the knees down What Because then he's kneeling He's kneel Yeah but that's

The set up of the joke Shit What do you call a Swimmer with no arms And no legs Bob Bob yeah That's a good one

That's a good one Yeah Wow So what do you call A sheep with no legs So wait If someone listening Is going to your comedy show

It's just going to be Jokes from the joke book Is that what's happening Yeah she's reading This is her whole comedy show is her reading a joke book. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

A deethinkisaurus. That's good. You should do that one tonight. Why did Snoop Dogg have an umbrella? Because there's drizzle my nizzle shizzle. Oh no you can't say nizzle. Oh can you? You said that guy had no legs. No, no, this is not. Because there's drizzle, my nizzle, shizzle. Oh, no, you can't say nizzle. Oh, can you? Wow. Oh, am I cancelled?

You can't say nizzle, you're cancelled. You said Neil. You're done. You said that guy had no legs. Yeah, I don't think so. It's ableist. That's actually ableist. Oh, you know what?

You're not wrong. I'll see myself out. Thank you very much for having me. Okay, so Hayley's reading. Please run Hayley's collectively cancelled. Hayley's reading from this incredibly crack up jokes book. Inappropriate joke book. Crack up jokes of 2025.

No, a joke book is a comedian's... What do you call a deer with no eyes? What? I know I have no idea. That's so... What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. Still?

I like that. Okay. Okay, so anyway, all these jokes are in the 1001 books. And if you like the 10 that we've just read off, there's 995 more that Hayley will read tonight. I read out over the course of an hour. I mean, no disrespect to the incredible comedians that were at the gala or that have shows,

but I would go to a show where someone was reading out those jokes. Yeah, it was. But it has to be from a joke book from, I reckon, like 20 years ago. Real bad. Yeah. It's like real bad. Oh, like, what do you call a black person? And then you're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah. You're like, no, you can't print jokes like that anymore. No, a joke book is a comedian's, like, prized possession. It's where you write all of your jokes, all your jokes, ideas, your scripts, your jokes ideas your scripts your bullet points and everything and I swear to God if you read this out

of the context of a performance you'd be like what yeah what is this it's always just like tea towels question mark something in this what's up with

tea towels with the things gotcha anyway so I had my entire sort of like script what do you call a man with no shins

this is the by the way the text machine is popping off. Schindler's List. No. Oh, Tony. That's good. What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum? Warren. Yeah, Warren.

Yeah, you got that one. Warren. Warren. What's that? Yeah. What do you call a buffalo with no legs? But for slow? A ranch slider.

So just like a slide, right? That's good, that's good. Anyway, so these jokes are in your joke book. What do you call a woman with... So all of these jokes... Oh, no, that doesn't work. Save them for the end. Listeners, keep texting them on,

because these are very funny. All I'm going to say is that I got off, I left the plane, I was in 3D, by the way, so up front. I left the plane and got downstairs to get all my luggage, and I realised I'd left this joke book on the plane, I was in 3D by the way, so up front. I left the plane and got downstairs to get all my luggage and I realised I'd left this joke book on the plane. And other than the fact that I needed it for

my show, I was mortified at the idea of people reading some of these jokes and being like, this is not funny. This is terrible. Someone's stuck in this hour-long flight to wherever and they're like, I'll read the magazine, I'll read the Kyoto magazine. And then they pull out your manky folder and they're like, what? It says Hayley Sproul

and then it's like, what do you call a black person? And they're like, what the hell is this? Anyway, luckily, I'm so lucky

that one of my friends was in like 26, you know, because he doesn't have kōru. Okay, yeah. So he was at the back of the play. Yeah.

And I just quickly had to do it. I rung him as he was passing row seven. And it does help to have poor friends. Honestly, it's so important to keep poor friends. Because I've walked off a plane and been like literally a metre from the door

and then been like, oh, my God, I left my headphones in the pocket. But they don't let you. As soon as you've left the plane, you're not allowed to go back in. Really? You have to wait or they have to get it for you. Anyway, hit us with some more jokes, Mornie. Can I just say a shout-out to our friend Zane, who just recently landed in Hawaii and left his,

on a domestic flight from America, left his passport. Oh, yeah. And by the way, that's not a New Zealand passport either. That's an African one. So that's... Yeah. So I think he's double-dipping into the trouble. I think we shout-out Zane.

I think we shout-out Skid, his wife, who is going to be, to be dealing with it all. So I think the joke book is on the low end of things you could leave on the plane. I would have survived without it. What do you call a woman with one leg? Wait, okay. Hang on.

The thing about jokes is you can't wait, you're going to lose the momentum. What do you call a woman with one leg? I lean. What do you call your sister with one leg? I lean. What do you call her sister with no legs? What? No lean.

Did you ever hear this one? Those are my two favourites that have come up. Okay, good. My favourite when I was growing up was what do you call a Samoan who fell off the ladder? Oh, I don't know.

I didn't know if you could say that. I don't even know if we can hear. No, this is great. Silly fella lean over too far. Hayley Jane Sproul! Sam Owens are allowed to say that. I don't know.

I don't know if you can get away with that being a part Moldy. What was that? Because my dad's going to love that. Silly fella lean over too far. Silly fella lean over too far. That's actually so good. See, I think there's a comedy show in all of these funny jokes. Bad jokes.

I know. Bad jokes from the joke book. Jokes from the joke book. Yeah, and then you tell a story. And then you know how the biggest part about, like when you see a really good comedian, it feels like they've told one story over an hour, the crafting of the yarns.

But you just don't know how to do it. So you tell a story and then you break it up with one bad one-liners. Yeah. So you just do that and then you go, okay, what do you call a Samoan who fell off a ladder?

Okay. Silly fellow, Lena Vatufa. And then you just hear, and then you just hear, shout out to our Samoan listeners, you're going to enjoy that, I know you like that.

And then you just hear, and a jandal just clocks you in the head. Because the woman at the back is like, not funny. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

The lovely Georgia Bird. Georgia, you love these one-liners. They're still coming in on the text machine. They're some absolute beauties. What do you call an Italian with an elastic toe? What? Roberto. What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?

What? Gracias. Gracias. Did you guys... Okay, that's good. What? Gracias. Did you guys... Okay, that's good. That's good. Did you hear about the racist white girl

with a foot fetish? No. She was lactose intolerant. I'm not laughing at that one. Yeah, that was a test actually. First you fail. I didn't laugh. Nice knowing you.

Now, we have permission to say this one because somebody said as a Samoan, I give you permission to tell this joke and also laugh. So thank you very much

what do you because we talked about the salmon falling off a ladder what do you call a salmon that falls off a couch fell off a sofa that's good

that's good my favourite is what do you call a girl stuck between two buildings Ellie that's good stuff it's simple it's good

it works this is the best jokes they are the best jokes. What do you call a fish with no eyes? What? No. That's cute. No, that's dumb.

No, it's great. Because it's all in there. You say, psh. Because there's no eye in it anymore. Yeah, yeah. It's good stuff. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. And you said something the other day, Georgia,

and I was like, oh my God, yes. And I've got you a present. Now, is it a present actually for me or is it for you? Oh, it is. It's wrapped. It's wrapped. Georgia, this is unheard of. Now, it's for Georgia and me.

Okay. I know what this is. It's wrapped. It's wrapped. This is unheard of. Now, it's for Georgia and me. Okay. I know what this is. Okay. Okay. Hang on. Now, when you reveal what this is, I will expect, just rip into it. Go hard. Also, I don't have any sellotape at home.

I've only got duct tape. I'm surprised you had wrapping paper. Oh, Fletch, goddamn, I love you. Oh, goddamn. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Because Georgia, you mentioned this the other day, and you. Oh, god damn! Okay, here we go.

Because Georgia, you mentioned this the other day and I was like, I'm going to have a look online and I found two white cream eggs. Two? Oh, it was weird because there's three of us. Well, you don't really froth white chocolate. Tell Georgia what you say about white chocolate. It's not really chocolate,

is it? Yeah, see? So of course you're not getting one. And also, you're not getting one because per egg, very expensive. Yeah, how much are these for me? Let's not mention it, Georgia. It's just a treat for us. Have a treat. Let's not mention it. That's real love, actually.

Let's not mention how much. Let's not mention how much. Let alone the postage. Here you go, Fletch. Thank you. Oh, guys. Okay, this is epic. No, we don't want to eat on here, do we?

Yeah. Well, you do it. I'll we don't want to eat on here, do we? Yeah. Well, you do it. I'll remain professional and I'll eat mine later. See, the thing is, I'm like a put a chocolate in the freezer kind of a gal and then suck away for a while. Have you just literally joined us? I mean, someone literally turned on their radio and said, I chuck it in the freezer and then suck away for a while. Or they just heard, I'll just suck away for a while. Do you know what?

Maltesers in the freezer and also squiggles in the freezer or chocolate biscuits in the freezer are legit. Anything in the freezer. Now, people argue, oh, do you see Coke in the freezer at the supermarket? No, but do you see? No, wait, I got that wrong. That was a terrible example, Georgia. Why would you?

What are you doing with Coke in the freezer? My brother worked out the timing of being able to put a Coke in the freezer, pull it out, whack the bottle and it turned into slushy. Really? He knew the exact time. Wait, really? Yeah, from room temperature. And that's what I thought you were going to get at. No, see, everyone argues. There are those people who know exactly how long to freeze a coke to make it frozen coke. Everyone argues with me that chocolate and stuff shouldn't go in the fridge, freezer, whatever. Nah, I'm with you. Because they say, oh, it's in the aisle at the supermarket, it's not in the fridge, freezer, whatever. Nah, I know I'm with you. Because they say, oh, it's in the aisle at the supermarket. It's not in the fridge, but so is Coke.

But you're right. It makes you eat it a bit slower. Thank you. If it's room temperature, I'll just like literally deep throat an entire time to run. You go to Australia and they put their like chocolate bars in the... Because it's so hot over there. Because it's so hot. They put them in the like the...

Oh, yeah. How's that, Georgia? Is it good? Georgia's straight into the egg. Oh, my God. The white chocolate cream egg. Is that good? Because you know why they've got that? They're expensive? Georgia's straight into the egg. Oh my God. The white chocolate cream egg, is that good? Because you know why they're expensive?

They import them from the UK. The UK have them. What I'll say is I reckon the actual internal cream egg situation is better than a normal cream egg. Because of the British. I think that's British cream eggs didn't change the recipe when we did. It's not sugary like ours are. Yeah, gritty and... Yeah, guys, this goddamn fledge.

It's really thoughtful. Honestly. Okay, who is your favourite work colleague today? So coming up on the show today, there's so much happening, I haven't got your chance to reveal it. Wait, who's your favourite work colleague? I literally just bought you

an impossible to find white chocolate cream egg. You can't have favourites. Honestly, it's like favourite kids, right? You can't have favourites. Carwen, don't look at me like that. Now Carwen's upset because she's not the favourite. Have I just gone from the lovely Georgia to the arsehole? I haven't.

And one foul. That didn't take long. No, it didn't. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it.

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