ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - May 9th, 2025

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

On todays episode of Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Bog Pod: The Hunt for Hayley 5 Icks women hate Top 6 - Signs your surgeon is a wellness influencer The show is full of Anti-vaxxers Japanese dating app, that verifies your marriage status SLP - Do you plan to travel overseas this year Chat to listener Kate about the first Katy Perry show in the US Who do you still hate? Gen Z are bringing back tramp stamps What men and women focus on when flirting Fact of the day Whats the dumbest thing you did this week? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, this is Flesh, Morn and Hayley's Big Pod. Thanks to Animates, making happy happen for pets. ZM's Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Bryn.

Good morning. Welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. We're down a Hayley. She's on Fine. I've got her on Fine, my friends. Last seen at the hotel.

Yeah. How many hours ago? Because we're still trying to call her. It's going straight to voicemail she's doing comedy I'm going to try calling the hotel next during this song

see if we can wake her up I'm picking this is my bed okay big night after her comedy show carried away went out with friends because she's in Wellington

so got carried away and she can't say no to a social occasion and she can't say no to social so she would have got to bed about I'm saying 1 or 2 a.m. I reckon early, at the earliest.

Later, okay. And then her phone's dead and she's slept through her alarm. Well, no, I don't think her alarm's even gone off. You think the phone's dead? Okay, yeah. It's happened to me. And it says that she's at the hotel,

but it was a little while ago. So I wonder if her find my is now bouncing off her watch, which will be on its last legs. It's only fair that for all the time we work without her this morning, we should get her segment of paid. Oh, absolutely. Because we're having to, you know, all carry the show a little bit more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seems fair. Yeah. We've got a new Pope. I could not personally care less, but people are going absolutely crazy about this. Producer Shannon, as you called him earlier, Pope Leo with the letters. Have we worked out which letters?

Yeah. Numbers? He's number 14. Okay. My King Leo. X1V, named after Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm so happy. I was checking the live streams constantly, and I watched History this morning.

I pulled out the BBC on TikTok, and I saw the white smoke, and I was like, this is the best news ever. I watched history this morning. I pulled up the BBC on TikTok and I saw the white smoke and I was like, this is the best news ever. I messaged you guys. I was like, we've got a Pope. This is awesome.

Why are people really getting into it? I've got friends that are like, oh my God. It's the conclave. It's exciting. The conclave.

Who doesn't want to see who's going to be leading the world's largest pedophile juggling ring? I'm allowed to say that. I was raised Catholic. I'm allowed to say that because I've been in there. I don't know if you guys are allowed to say that but I'm allowed to say that. I was raised Catholic. I'm allowed to say that because I've been in there.

Now, I don't know if you guys are allowed to say that, but I'm allowed to say that. I'm everything, baby. I'm baptized. I'm communionized. I did the confirmationisms. Right, well.

I got a middle name. I'm a heathen. I'm going straight to heathen. The top six on the way. Yes, the top six signs your surgeon general's a wellness influencer. And the latest move of what I can only describe is, I don't know, the beginning of the end.

Donald Trump has named the Surgeon General and they're a wellness influencer. Are you kidding me? Yeah, dude. We are so screwed. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Moments ago, we've just been on the hunt for Hayley, we're calling it. Yeah. Much like the hunt for Red October.

The phone's gone dead. Hunt for the wilder people. The fine friends showed her at the hotel. So then we have just rung the hotel. Fletch, you rung from your phone. I used my phone to record you. Yeah, so I had to ask to be put through to the room. And then that took a little while. And this was had to ask to be put through to the room. And then that took a little while,

and this was what happened when we got put through to the room. So it's ringing. Obviously, we're finding this quite funny. Yeah. And at this stage, wondering if Hayley is dead. Because there's... Just passed out in maybe a pile of vomit. Oh, I heard that.

Like a 90s or 2000s rock star that was lost. Yeah, I know, that still happens. She's dead. She might be dead. No, she's dead. Dr. Jones, back to reception. Yeah. She's dead.

She's either dead or she's just fast asleep. Okay, that's all right. We'll just, hopefully, she wakes up and gets in touch. Well, luckily, I don't think he was used to people so jovially joking about someone not being contactable and being dead. Well, luckily, she might be dead. Luckily, our studio is over the road from the hotel

and in the two songs that have just played, she's managed to join us. Good morning. Listen to that. I know. Listen to my voice. It's so screwed.

Now, I had a bet. I put a bet down with Vaughan that you were up until about midnight or one. Yeah. And you couldn't say no to a social occasion. Yeah, a little bit-ish. But also, all my stuff died. My phone was dead. My laptop was dead. Yeah. And you couldn't say no to a social occasion? Yeah, a little bit-ish. But also, all my stuff died. My phone was dead.

My laptop was dead. I fell asleep in my hotel room. And then the hotel, the phone was ringing. And you know that weird thing where you're like, what the hell is going on? Like, what is interrupting my deep, delicious sleep? And then I did answer it, which you didn't get to record, which is the guy being like, yeah, I've had a phone call

from a fletch and I was like oh so he called the room again because you know why he probably thought you were dead and he couldn't live with that

on his conscience I know so he said I had a phone call from a fletch and I said oh okay and I tapped my phone

and nothing came up it was a dead screen and I was like it's 6am it's 6 a.m. It's 6 a.m. Good morning. You're on ZM. Good morning.

Good morning. ZM with Fletchborn and Hayley. Be sure to pass on our thanks to the man at reception. Oh, he did a good job. He got me up. He catches you up. He got me up more than four minutes. Yep.

No, you've done well there. Have I showered? The answer is no. Have I washed my face? The answer is no. But am I here to laugh out louder with Fletch and Vaughn? Yes, I am. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

It is indeed. And do you know what today is? It's Friday and Fletch, my beautiful friend, is coming down to Wellington where I am at the moment and his expectation is that I'm going to hire a car and come and pick him up from the airport. Well, that's what friends do, isn't it? No, Fletch, the Wellington airport is so close.

You just get a Black Thunder. He thinks I'm going to get a ZM Black Thunder. Yeah, we'll do a prize patrol. Come and pick him up from the Wellington airport. What are you going to do? Are you going to do a prize patrol? Yeah, we'll give away some... Remember that time that I e-scooted all the way him up to the Wellington airport. What are you going to do? Are you going to prize patrol? Yeah, we'll give away some... Remember that time

that I e-scooted all the way from town to the airport? That was an adventure, my dude. If the weather's good, I'd thoroughly recommend it. Yeah, but that ends up

being twice the price of an Uber. Yeah, it did. An e-scooter. It did, but man, you can't put a value on good fun with your chumps. You can't.

I used to live in Hataitai in Wellington and once I walked from Hataitai to the airport, I was like, I've got all this time, I'll just walk. And it was very odd. God bless my winter.

It's a long walk. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm not picking you up, Fletch. You can get an Uber. Okay. Little tart. Okay, I have the five-

You little tart. Mince, I'm a mince tart. He's a mince tart. He is. He's a Christmas mince tart. Anyway, I have the five icks that men are guilty of that women cannot stand. According to a relationship specialist, her name is Lorraine. Now, I'll say she doesn't look like a Lorraine, but it's fine.

I thought Lorraine was a retired name. Here are the five icks men do. Cutie baby talk. Yep. Yeah. Get rid of it. Done. Don't do it

but some couples do this all the time and they love it I think yeah look Aaron and I have been guilty of it

like I think you're gonna be pretty hot to pull it off you slip into it yeah you don't want a mingo being like my little pookie pookie

you'd be like no oh yeah no it's pretty grim do you know what Vaughn I can kind of imagine it I do it a little bit but Fletch I can never imagine you'd be like, no. Oh, yeah. No, it's pretty grim. Do you know what? Vaughan, I can kind of imagine it. I do it a little bit, but Fletch, I can never imagine you being like,

No. Sometimes when you talk to your cat in a cat voice, it gives me the ick. Oh, does it? Okay. Yeah, right. Well, that's a private moment between my cat and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, and that's why I've never brought it up until now. He's not the worst at it.

He's like, hello, hello. hello. It's a little quick one. Hello. Yeah. Okay, the second ick that men do that women absolutely hate, tech rage, losing your temper at your phone or the TV or the remote or anything like that, just losing your temper with that. Yeah, I kind of get it.

We all do that a little bit, don't we? Sometimes. We all snapped a remote over our knee, right? No. No. How big is a remote that you can snap it over your knee? Long. Long.

One of the long ones. One of those long ones that has a Netflix button and nothing else. Yeah, a lot of buttons that you'll never use. I might have snapped one of those. Okay, the third ick that women hate that men do that they might not be aware of. Pouty selfies and AI-generated profile pics. Now, you know, I was on my friend's Tinder the other day and was scrolling through

and I would say the amount of like AI-overworked Photoshopped photos, I was aghast. What? Really? Dudes arehast. What are dudes doing? Dudes are doing it. Dudes are doing it. Wait, but what's worth for a profile picture, like the animal you just caught and killed, like a fish or a deer or whatever,

or something overly blown out AI. Murdered fish. But it's a murdered fish. But it's the same as like over-filtered photos. That's basically AI, right? Like it's not your face.-filtered photos. That's basically AI, right? It's not your face. It's icky. Yeah, you removed every ounce of texture from your skin.

You look like a Ken doll. It's yuck. Don't do that. But the powder in there, like running the fingers through the hair. Okay, the fourth ick, fingers in your mouth mid-meal. Well, sometimes you've got a bit of thing and you need to get it. Oh, you're talking about get in and get it out. When you get right in the back of the molar, Zane, you're like.

I mean, you'd do that in private. You wouldn't do that in private. I might be guilty of that. Well, it is a primal repulsion, apparently. Really? That's disgusting. Why is it a primal repulsion? Because of the germs in your mouth?

With your finger and your dirty finger? It's disgusting. You ram your fingers in your mouth. It's a bit yuck. Okay. Okay. The final ick that men do that maybe they're not aware of that women hate the fake smolder so this is your um you would have seen this on instagram like lick lipping and like oh okay yuck yeah that's a girl happy girl oh yeah no i hate that intense staring down the barrel women that like i feel like you see this and you're like,

you're doing that, but no one's enjoying it but you. Okay, now, Vaughn, you do the five acts about Hayley that we don't like. I reckon don't. Do you know what I mean? You said you had five. You said you had five. I was struggling to whittle it down to five, is what I said.

I said, how am I only going to be able to do five? I didn't want to, for the record, Hayley, I didn't want Vaughan to do this. I'm just saying. Well, come on, give me one. Give me one. What's one of my icks that I do that turns you off, Vaughan? Come on.

I can't believe you're going to do this. I'm going to work on it. I can't believe you're actually going to do this. Come on. Don't do it. Let me know. As a friend, let me know. Like, she's pretending that it's okay to tell her, but it's not.

I'm not going to freak out. I'm not going to react. I'm not going to react. When you sniff, when you like do that big sniff of your pits. Okay. So you'd rather I just sit there and stink and don't work out that it's not. I just think there's this must be a more subtle way to check. You bet.

Anywhere, anytime. ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley. From the Fletchbourne and Hayley group chat, this is the top six. Okay, so Trump had a surgeon general lined up, Jeanette Weishawet. She's a physician and she was a former Fox News medical contributor,

but then someone got in his ear and said, she's actually quite pro-vaccine. Oh. And he's like, can't have it. So now he's got rid of her and he's got a new nominee, Casey Means, who holds a medical degree from Stanford, doesn't currently practice, authored a book in 2024 called Good Energy, which focuses on the connection between diet and health, which I'm all for.

Yeah, that's great. But it doesn't step in and replace modern medicine, does it? No. No. No, no. There's a place for both of them

but modern medicine will always, you know, fix things quite quickly. It will, yeah. Do we have a, we've got a chief advisor, a chief science advisor. The Prime Minister

has a chief science advisor. Yeah. And what was Dr. Ashley Bloomfield? Just the head of COVID stuff. Health NZ or whatever. Yeah, right. I don't know. But so that's their version of... I think so. Yeah. I believe so. The Surgeon General

puts the thing on the ciggies saying like, hey, ciggies are bad for you. Yeah, these will make you ugly. Yeah. And if you'll just wait for just a moment, my work email signed me out

so I need to sign back in before I can get to my top six. Here it is, it's back. Thank you very much to Outlook. I'm a huge fan. Huge fan.

Huge fan. Top six signs, your surgeon general is a wellness influencer because that's the, like, what this woman's more well known for lately.

Right. A wellness influencer. Number six on the list. The new cigarette label says cigarettes don't cause cancer. A bad attitude causes cancer. Okay. If you approach a cigarette with the right attitude actually can't touch it. Again, that's not how it works. Number five

on the list of the top six signs your surgeon general is a wellness influencer. When you next go to your doctor, you'll get a free chakra assessment. A realigning though, that's going to cost you. Yeah. They'll tell you your chakra's bung. And then if you want the chakra fixed,

that's where it's going to cost you. My fifth and sixth, I believe, are out of line at the moment. It's fifth and sixth chakra. Yeah. Are they? Yeah, apparently.

Well, we've been saying you need to get to Chemist Warehouse after the show today to get some stuff for that cold. Yeah, you've got to get some lozenges. Go into the show sponsor and get some lozenges. I'll be hitting the spawn after this, but maybe I'll get them to do a chakra alignment while I'm there. Do they also do that at Chemist Warehouse?

No, they don't do it there. I don't think they do. Pick them up some Paco Rabanne and also get your mum's chakras realigned. I'll realign your mum's chakras. You know what I mean? How dare you speak of Patsy in that way? Number four on the list of the top six signs

your surgeon general is a wellness influencer. A Reiki isn't just something you smoothie out your dirty with anymore. It's a new health plan to cure your baddie backy. Right. It's a Reiki.

It's Reiki. It's imagining that. Okay, imagine that. Touch me for Christ's sake. I'm paying a fortune for this message. Like, put some hands on me. Imagine that. Touch me for Christ's sake. I'm paying a fortune for this message. Like, put some hands on me. Throw hands. I need you to be a tiny Southeast Asian woman

with the strength of 100 men who could beat a gorilla. That's what they should have asked. Yeah. Not would 100 men beat a gorilla. Could 100 tiny Southeast Asian masseuses beat a gorilla? Oh, 100%. Because they could. Hands down.

That's so strong. Yeah. Oh, my God. Where I go, they've got a rope from the ceiling that they hang on to while they walk on you. Yeah. It's good stuff. That's good stuff. They know what they're doing.

Oh, hell yeah. Number three on the list of the top six signs your surgeon general's a wellness influencer. Everything you have to drink now is a dark, rich, sickly-looking, thick, green liquid. They're always choking some real gross looking grass. Yeah. Rather smoothie, don't they? Yeah. An earthy smoothie.

An earthy smoothie. So earthy. Bleed it all. If a cow's trying to push you out of the way to get into that smoothie, it's got too much grass in it. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six signs your surgeon general is now a wellness influencer. The new White House uniform is 100% spandex with a lift and tuck in all the right places. Now, I'm not against that.

So, you know, I like the... What do you call those pants that lift the butt? The scrunch? The scrunch pants. Yeah. They're great. And number one on the list of the top six signs your Surgeon General's a wellness influencer. There's no more hot water tap. Everything's ice water. Goodbye relaxing hot bath. Ice baths are now the

only option for a bath. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, this week, Monday, Tuesday, work put on

free flu vaccinations. Yeah. It's like a pizza party. Is it? It's not. Work put it on. Yeah. You can pop in,

grab yourself a slice. I mean, that's not... I saw Kerry Woodham lining up from Newstalk ZB and I was going into the mail room and she said,

I'm just looking for a small prick. And I was like, I beg your pardon? And she was in the line for the... You're one long fight right here.

She was in the line to get the flu jab. Oh, okay. Because everybody just, you know, shuffles into the room. You know, jab. Oh, okay. Because everybody just, you know, shuffles into the room. You know, they jab you, you fill out the form.

It's good to see New York ZB hasn't gone full anti-vaccine. And, you know, we always do this. Every year we get the flu jab, don't we? We always do this, don't we? Yes, we do. We do. Well, why haven't we? Because Hayley,

I went in and got mine and said, Hayley, just nip in there now. She's free. Hayley's like, ooh, no, I've got my show this week. It'll make me sick. And now listen to me. I'm sick. You didn't even get it done.

That's a myth that the flu jab makes you sick. Because the idea was that it jabs you with a little bit of the flu so that then you are immune to it. But it's not how it works. I know, but I held on to this idea and I was like, oh, no, what if I get sore arm or I have a reaction that I'm sick? And I literally just woke up this morning like, oh, I'm sick. And I didn't get my flu jab. You didn't even get the flu jab.

But it's not you don't have the flu. It's more of a cold, isn't it? No, it's literally just a bit of a rundown. But also, I love that in our spreadsheet for the show, we have Fletch is working with two anti-vaxxers. Now... I'm just saying, you have avoided the flu jab and there's been two occasions this week you could have got it.

Vaughan, why are you avoiding it? I didn't avoid it. I booked for yesterday and then completely forgot. Wow. I booked for nine. Didn't I come in yesterday and say, don't forget your flu jab? Yeah, I did say that. This is the come in yesterday and say, don't forget your flu jab? Yeah.

Yeah, I did say that. Yeah, what more do you want? This is the kind of behaviour of anti-vaxxers. It's not, it's not. But I had an ice bath yesterday and... Earthed? I earthed. Okay, yeah.

And my crystal's arse started to run out because we're approaching another full moon. Another full moon. Yeah. With your powers combined, I am capping conspiracy. Because you two, or especially Vaughan, you always like clockwork. And I feel like last year it was in May.

You go down for about one to two weeks of man flu. Touch wood. Haven't been sick for months. And usually I get a cold. It comes and goes and comes and goes. Incredibly fit though. I have been doing a lot of fitness and the gut health

prioritising gut health not really I like to think it's whiskey that's keeping it a baby but to be honest yeah pickle it pickle it you gotta pickle it

but your sickness you're so right like it's not like you have a couple of days where you're like you'll take like seven, eight days right

it ruins me I'd say you go down for ten working days when you're sick here's my vibe yep I didn working days when you're sick. Here's my vibe. Yep. I didn't know that you're only supposed

to use Otraven nasal spray, the active Otraven nasal spray for three days in a row before a little tie-ho. Never, never, never. One winter, I literally used it every day. And then from then on out

for the next few years, I would just get these wild sinus infections. You and Stacks have the same septum. What, you and who? Stevie Nicks. I was going to say, yeah, you have the nasal cavities of a rock star or a sales executive.

Yeah, yeah. Or a finance bro. Without, you know, the fun of feeling invincible for hours at a time thanks to Deneau's Pepsis but it was all the Otravin and then

but now I think I'm slowly touch wood coming right touch a little bit of Ryan because you love a throat spray you go overboard with that I'm actually gonna

it's so bad I'm popping a throat spray just now sparingly I never use throat spray because it's like an actor's nightmare. Because then you think

your throat's good I thought an actor's nightmare was having I thought an actor's nightmare was having all of your TV shows cancelled. Been there. I've lived through that nightmare.

You could have had some throat spray then couldn't you? What would have been worse? Yeah I don't think it would have helped. I don't think it would have kept any of our shows on here to be honest.

Play ZM's Flashborn and Hayley. When do you reckon we're going to call it quits on dating apps in terms of adding more? Because there's so many. Yeah. I don't know. And all of them are like, we've got our own little twist. You can only message between 12 and 12.30 on a Wednesday. Yeah, and our dating app's only for people with one eye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's called Wink. That would be my name. Yeah, it's called Wink. But if you've only got one eye and you blink, then technically you've just shut your eyes. And then you can't see anything. Okay, I'll call it Eyes Shut Dating.

Yeah, yeah. But then Eyes Shut Dating, because you said they only have one eye. Yeah, okay, true. I was saying Eyes Shut kind of. Yeah. Look, I don't know. It's hard to one eye. Yeah, okay, true. I was saying eyes shut kind of. Yeah. Look, I don't know.

It's hard to find a gap in the dating app market. What if eyes shut dating is not just for people with one eye, but it starts off and you just list your interests. Like lovers blind. Yeah, lovers blind. And then the more questions that you ask them and the better like chat and you're like, yes, I'm happy to like reveal myself a little bit and you slowly get pixelated to the point where you can see them.

Like a square. Like an attraction. That show Naked Attraction where you go from feet up to the penis, up to the waist, then we get the farts. We're trying to be classy. We're trying to be classy. As you get to know them more, you get closer to seeing the penis. Right.

Okay. Look, I'm sure there's probably dating apps like that already. I don't reckon there is. I've nailed it. No, we should make it. Anyway, there's a dating app that is very, very popular. It has 20 million users. I've never heard of it before.

It's called Tapple. Like Apple with a T in the front. Yeah. And it's very popular. Is that Tapple and Gapple? Yes, you Tapple and then you Gapple. Oh, he's cracked himself up there. Fletcher's not even listening to my funny jokes about Taps and Gapple.

No, I've been googling. There is an app, one app that focuses on slow dating and reveals information gradually is Appentance. It hides profile photos

behind a pattern and they are revealed as you engage in conversations with your match. God damn it, they've already made it. Damn it,

someone's already made it. That sounds like a good one. I'd give that a home. Can I just say classic for a Vaughan invention that he spouts out on here and it's already made it. That sounds like a good one. I'd give that a home. Can I just say classic for a Vaughan invention that he spouts out on air and it's already been invented? How many times? Hundreds of times?

This happens hundreds of times. Hundreds of times. Never had an original thought in his life. Great idea smithy, we call him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so sorry. This Japanese app. Tapple.

Very popular in Japan. 20 million users. Very even split between men and women. And they struggle in Japan with, they've got a very low birth rate. They're trying to incentivise people to move to the middle of nowhere. Like their version of gore.

And paying them. They're paying them. Yeah, to move to the regions and have a baby. Yuck. So this one, this app, I literally could think of a single thing worse. Not gore, because Shannon was just recently in gore, and see, we've got a lot of

lovely listeners in gore, don't we, Shannon? It's the greatest part of the country. But would you move there for $5,000 to meet a man? If I said to you, if you were single, I said, there's $5,000, you've got to move to gore and start dating the locals. Yeah, I probably would, actually. Okay. Only five.

You'd blow through that in two weeks. Yeah, if I had, like, a job and, like, things were good. There's some lovely people down there. Oh, yeah. And, like, I like chickens and stuff now. Like, I would have a farm. You're a farm girl now. Yeah, exactly.

Yuhar and all that. See, this is what they're trying to do in Japan, is woo people like Shannon to play with chickens and marry a farmer. Okay, so on Tapple, this Japanese dating app, not to do with dating farmers, their kind of twist on the thing is because people in Japan are having a hard time finding actually single people,

and then they'll be dating this person and figure out they're married. So on TAPL... Wait, I'm sorry. A man wouldn't do that. Or a human being wouldn't... Not my gender. Not my gender. I know many great men.

The greatest men. They would not lie about already having a partner. Surely not. That's crazy, right? So on TAPL, you have to upload government documents to prove your single status. Oh, wow. Okay. So I guess technically-

So what's a government document? Like- Power bill. Power bill. Yeah, I don't know. Meridian Energy, and it just says single loser at home. You're on the single loser low power usage plan. Officially recorded marital status will be available. So in Japan, you have Officially recorded marital status

will be available. So in Japan you have an officially recorded marital status. Right. Yeah. We all do. You have a certificate.

But I go, for example, Aaron and I have been together for as long as a marriage. Yeah. But we don't have any paperwork.

But it would be what they would call that, what, like a de facto. A de facto. Your status would be de facto. We're, what, like a... De facto. A de facto. Your status would be de facto. We're not legally, there's no way that's true.

No. Maybe in Japan there would be a thing. Maybe they ask you, maybe they ask you certain times, maybe when you vote they're like,

what's your status or something? And then they have the info? I don't know. The marital, oh, so you can go and apply. So say you're single and you want to prove you're not married,

you go to like the government thing like our kind of real me sort of Yeah, yeah, birth test marriages. Yeah,

birth test marriages. You go there and you ask for a marital status certificate to prove that you are a single person. couldn't you just tell

someone you were single and they believe you? And then you upload it to Tapple, the dating app and it proves you can date me and they believe you. And then you upload it to Tapple, the dating app, and it proves you can date me and I promise you I'm not married. I promise. I promise.

Is this actually such a big problem in Japan? It must be. It must be if this is like a feature of it. Also, Tapple. I'm just going to have a little looky-poky. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley. It's always so rude when your phone doesn't recognise your face for like four attempts.

Oh, no. You're like, how ugly am I today? How many am I today? I did it just before and I was like, I know I'm tired. Yeah, or you're yawning when it goes to a face unlock. It's like, nope. And you're like, please. And it's like, nope, no, nope, nope, nope.

Damn. Today's silly little pole. Do you plan to travel overseas in 2025? So there was an Alliance study that asked Kiwis, and three quarters of Kiwis said they planned to travel overseas in 2025. I thought that was high. Yeah. Yeah, but maybe like a pop to the islands or across to Australia or something like that.

It doesn't have to always be like big Europe trips. True. The number one destinations for Kiwis who did plan trips, and most of them were about two weeks, was the average trip plan. Australia, the leading destination, followed by Asia, 18%. Asia.

And that would be my, having just been in America, it is so insanely expensive. Oh, don't do that. The dollar's bad and the cost of living, everything is expensive. New Zealanders planning to visit Europe this year is down from 27% in 2023 to just 8%. And North America has dropped 4%,

down from 7% two years ago. Wow. So, yeah. That Europe one's crazy. But do you remember a couple of winters ago when everyone was in Greece? Just after lockdown. And everyone's like,

everyone was in Greece. God damn. And everyone's like, everyone was in Greece. God damn. And now we're still paying off Greece. We're still paying off Greece. Greece is still on the credit card. It's still on the card. I guess you could say in 2023, Greece was the one that I want.

Oh my God, should I punch him? Because you're not here, Hayley. Could you punch him hard? One in the face, one in the balls. Thank you. Our results are slightly different. It's more like 50-50, isn't it? It is.

Do you plan on travelling overseas this year? Yes is 56%. No is 44%. So the yeses just have it. I own a bar. What? Louise, I own a bar in Japan and I'm opening a second. What?

I live in New Zealand part-time. I'm doing a bar takeover in Aussie for some work and travelling to the US to meet the Boyfriends fan. Hello, we've got a friend, guys. We've got a friend who owns two bars in Japan. Why are we not... What? ...Konichi-wa-wa-waring all the way to Japan?

Why are we not aro-gatoring our way to Japan? Why are we not aro-gatoring some drinks down our throats? Where's our invite? And also, do you think it's one of those bars that has lots of cats? Or like weird, you know, alpacas or something? So they love that in Japan, don't they? Oh my God, we simply must go. Louise.

Our friend Louise. Invitation extended. Our good mate Louise. Our best mate Louise. Rock solid Louise, we always call her. Genuine friend Louise. Gen best mate Louise. Rock solid Louise, we always call her. Genuine friend Louise. Genuine friend with Japanese bars. And not just our friend because she gives us free bar tab.

No, we've been friends for years. Open bar, yeah. It's not that. It would actually worry me if I had a friend that owned a bar. Why? I just think I'd be done for. I'd be done for. Yeah.

Or I'd just say chuck it on my tab and I'd never pay the tab. You'd just be at the bar eating all the vodka green jellies all night. Oh, yum, yum, yum. I'd be like, should we make a tray of QFs? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. We'll pass those bad boys around.

Wait a minute, what were they, Midori and Karl Lua? Oh, yes, disgusting. That was a terrible idea. Yeah, it was. Or Bailey's. What were we thinking? Abby said, we're planning on having our first baby in the next year, so it's possibly our last chance

to travel together without a child. Yeah, because you don't travel now because your kids and mortgage are a big weight, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say like a ball and chain on each foot and the tide's coming in. Yeah.

And the tide's coming in. But for some reason, I keep wandering deeper. It's almost like... Why is he walking towards the ocean? Yeah, why is he walking out into the ocean dragging these things? They're going to weigh him down. Is he looking for the sweet release of death?

Jeez, that got dark. That got dark. Guys, let's move on and not dwell on my darkness. Min says, bought a house so I need to pay bills and a mortgage. Also getting knee surgery very soon. Wait a minute. Oh, that's her name. That was way worse than the grease thing. You can't say that because her name's Min Zhang.

So you're actually racist? I don't know if you knew that. It's too late. You can't apologize for being racist. Wait a vorn. Wait a vorn. Does that work? Wait a fletch. No, you said wait a min.

Now you two have done it to me. Okay. So, racism is... So, it's all balanced now. It's balanced now. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. Leaves the whole world with no racism. That was the famous Mahatma Gandhi saying.

I think it was, yeah. I think it was. Bought a house, so need to pay bills and a mortgage. Also getting knee surgery very soon. So, lots of things. Not supporting a trip overseas this year, planning for next year instead.

Oh yeah, because that's when I got told about my shoulder surgery whenever that happens. They're like, don't go overseas or go on planes. I'm like,

don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to do. What are you, some kind of medical professional? What are you, a doctor? Would you study this thing for years and then more years

specialising in a specific thing? Shut up. Heading to Rome for the first time, says Tegan, and going on a cruise through the Greek Isles. I'm so excited. Yeah, Rome's amazing. I guess you could say Greece is the one that she wants. Shubba-du-bulba-dee.

Racist. Did you punch him in the balls flit yet, or is that to come? No balls were touched in the making of this programme. I'll do it after. Surprising my mum and sister for their birthdays in June. They moved to Sydney in January and I miss them so much. And so playing a massive surprise for them.

Their mum and sister? Mum moved to Sydney with the sister? Well, I wouldn't go and surprise her. She's obviously got a favourite child. Yeah. Yeah, she does. Your mum moves overseas with your sister. You're definitely not the favourite.

No, yeah. A says, because I'm currently a poor student and can't afford to go A until I graduate and get a job. You can't say that. You can't say that. You can't say that. Because A is short for Anaratu Skrutupata. Okay.

I'm actually never in A. You can't say that either. I can't say that either. This is gibberish. Okay, whatever. You called it Oriental Parade before. You can't call it that anymore. It's of Asian descent parade.

Or New Zealand parade. Does Auckland to Waiheke Island count, Rebecca? Well, that's over the sea. That's overseas. Ben says, moved to the UK last year getting married in France in a couple of months with a trip to Italy and Scotland after.

Be nice. We're your genuine friends. We plan on getting married instead and you can't have nice. Lovely. Invite us. We're your genuine friends. We plan on getting married instead and you can't have both. Shanice is. Yeah. She's picking there. What did you say the average,

we talked about the average cost of a New Zealand wedding. $87,000 was what that woman said earlier. Do you reckon Shanice to save for a trip overseas? Oh, you can't say that. You can't say that. I thought.

She's Indian. Oh, I'm so sorry. Of Indian descent. I shouldn't have said Indian. Oh, wow. I don't know. Okay, we've got quite a problematic show

on our hands here. Now, we've got to remember this is a really problematic break, guys. Hayley says, I can't even afford to travel from one island to the other.

Flights, accommodation, car or transport cost food. The cost of food as well and the cost of living just put me out to pasture. Too much. What you need to do, Hayley, is do what I do. The cost of food as well and the cost of living. Just put me out to pasture. Too much. What you need to do, Hayley, is do what I do. Strap a couple of weights on the feet.

Go for a nice long walk into the sea. No, for an hour. No, we're just, we're just. No, that'd be too slow for me. Jel says, oh, I've lost her comment, so it doesn't matter. Bye. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Hayley

Well my Instagram has been inundated With footage of Katy Perry's tour And everyone has been I reckon she's been getting a bit of an online roasting Well the space thing was a bit over the top The space thing was like When she landed and went a bit crazy And everyone's like calm down

You were there for 12 seconds. Also, Taylor Swift did this huge tour and then Beyonce's done this tour and everyone's a bit like, Katie's falling a bit short. However, we have a major Katy Perry fan on the phone. Our listener, Kate, who is a long-time listener, first-time concert feedbacker. Oh, do we do the bell for that? Oh, we definitely do the bell for that. Oh, we definitely did the bell for that. Definitely. Hey, Kate.

Coming to us live from Texas. How are you, Katie? Good morning. I'm good, thanks. How are you guys? Really good. So this was the first show last night of her American tour. How was it?

I mean, I had a blast. i thought it was a great time because people are seeing this how do you explain the show because it's like a video game or something yeah well i actually went in spoiler free i was like it was only two weeks from the start of the tour versus me getting to go to the concert. So I was like, I'm going to avoid all spoilers. So I went in completely blind. And yeah, even I was like a bit, I did. And I was a bit like taken aback. So yeah, it was like a virtual reality video game.

And she was like the main character that you follow along. Wow. So because this is kind of her version of the era, is it The Lifetime? That's what it's called, eh? The Lifetimes, something. Well, yeah, it's called The Lifetimes Tour, but it's not like anywhere near the era's tour.

It's kind of, well, she has a song on her latest album called Lifetimes. So it's sort of like a tour for the latest album, but she does always include like her old bangers that everyone knows and loves. So probably like a third was like new songs from her newer album, but then two thirds were like the bangers

that everyone loves. Do you think she deserves the Teemu Eris tour moniker that people are using? Well, no, because I personally just, I don't even think it's comparable. Like, it's very different. She always does, like, storyline for her shows and stuff.

So it's very different for the Eris tour. But I mean, I'm number one Katy Perry defender out here. I know. So what was your highlight of the concert, Kate? Like what was the best moment for you last night? Oh my goodness. I mean, like it's always such a buzz when you like see them for the first time.

Although we did have a little moment during I Kissed a Girl. She was like right by me and so I blew her a little kiss and she gave me a little point and a wink back. Oh, okay. That's so gay. I love it. For real. I think because all I've seen

and I feel like I've got a prejudice against this concert because all I've seen, and I feel like I've got a prejudice against this concert because all I've seen online is people comparing it to Beyonce's huge tour when she's flying over things or how Pink performs or how Taylor Swift performs. Like, for you, being a massive Katy Perry fan, you weren't disappointed, were you? No, not at all. Like, she has always done, like, flying around around her past shows i would say this is the most

that she's flown around so i was like i thought that was kind of crazy and like she did do some like the aerial stunts similar to pink like she was flipping around and stuff but i thought it was so cool like i was not disappointed in any way at all and it was definitely cool to go in like blind because historically it's been, I've had to wait so long like in New Zealand being so far away I had to wait so long for the last cause that I couldn't avoid spoilers

so it was kind of cool going in blind for the first time. How did you end up going to Texas? Well I am currently well I'm currently living in Orlando so it was like a little flight away. Yeah. Okay.

How are you enjoying all the cheeses orange? Why is the cheese always orange cake in America? Why is the cheese orange? Yeah. Why is it orange? I don't know. It's weird. I wish I could answer.

Do you have a local cheesecake factory where you're living in America? There is one close enough. That is my favorite American chain. Yeah, dude. What about P.F. Chang's? What about Cheesecake Factory? Have you done P.F. Chang's? Do they have P.F. Chang's

where you are? Oh, Panda Express is good too. No. Orange chicken. Gotta get the orange chicken. Jump Panda. Yeah, it's legit. Well, Kate,

enjoy your time in America. Thank you so much. What about Bum and Gump? Can we just talk about places you love to eat? I have not done that yet. Dude, and room. It's, yeah, America, enjoy your time in America. Thank you so much. What about Father Gump? Can we just talk about places you love to eat? I have not done that yet. Dude, it rules. Yeah, America, the food.

In-N-Out Burger? Have you had an In-N-Out Burger? Overrated, I'll say it. Overrated. No, because that's on the West Coast. Yeah, I was going to say that's only over there on the West. Kate, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us this morning about Katy Perry. Thank you.

Enjoy the orange cheese. Play ZM's Flesh Born and Haley. Also, shout out to mandarins. We're in peak mandarin season at the moment. Oh my god, you gave me a mandarin the other day. It was delicious. Very juicy segment. None of those Australian ones? Yuck. Nah. They don't know how to do

a mandarin. Not too pithy. California, you don't know how to do a mandarin. Oh, hey, hold on. No, they don't. California, you don't know how to do a Mandarin. Oh, hey, hold on. No, they don't. No, they don't. Who does Mandarins? Who else does good Mandarins? We nail the Mandarin. We nail the Mandarin. We nail it. Yeah.

Okay. Agreed. Agreed. Before the show today, someone just messaged, why does Hayley sound extra masculine today? She's got a cold coming on. Yeah. Also, we did wake you up when we had to call the hotel when your phone went flat. So you were late for the show today. But before the show, we were discussing a name presented itself.

Shannon presented a name to the room and Fletch was immediately like, I hate that. Shannon got an email from this guy and I'm just like, you said I believe you as well. I hate that guy. I hate that guy. And then I worked out I've hated this guy for like 17 years.

I love, I honestly think hate keeps you strong and keeps you young. But I'm not someone that, I'm not someone that dwells on the past and holds grudges. No, you're really not actually. But this person did something 17 years ago

and it was enough for me to write that person off as just a crap human being. How good is writing someone off? And I'm like, from now on, I don't like that person. Yep, done. And I was like, when I was confronted with the fact it's been 17 years, I was like, okay, wow. Maybe I do hold grudges.

I think it might even be longer than that. Oh, maybe. I get this. I love writing someone off. I love writing someone off. I could be a great person. I've done one thing wrong. I'm like, nah, you are off.

What about, do you still have people that you've written off from school because maybe they did something mean to you or something? I have someone from drama school. Yeah. I wouldn't like to hear I've been written off though. Oh no, you don't want to be the one that has been written off. Imagine if you've been written off. Do you reckon Hayley, do you reckon anyone's written you off?

No, I'm so lovely. No. I don't know. I reckon someone's written you off. I reckon you're- You think so? If you've written off Hayley, 9696. 0800DALZM, have you written off? I don 9-6-9-6. 0-800-DOLL-Z-DEM. Have you written off?

I don't know that I can handle it. We were going to say, who do you still hate and how long it's been. We still are. But I just want to talk about people who could have written Hayley off. Can I certainly rail this one?

No, I won't derail it. Hayley's in a vulnerable spot today. Please, I can't handle it. But isn't it weird? Yeah, because you never think you're the one that's been written off. No, I don't get written off. If anyone that I've written off should feel free to rewrite me off.

Yeah, you're main character. Everyone loves you. I'm the main character. Yeah, I'm the star of the show. No, no, no, no, no. This is what we want to know this morning. 0800-DARLS-AT-HEM-9696. Is there someone still to this day that you've written off that you can't stand?

You just still hate them. Just maybe because they did one thing. Maybe it was your best friend years ago who cheated on you with your then boyfriend. Bonus points if you won? Oh, if you were the one cheating on your best friend's... No, no, no. I mean just like the person you paid. Like you were doing better than them?

Yeah, you won. You won. Yeah. Okay. 0800 DARLSATM Give us a call You can text through 9696 Who do you hate

And how long has it been I think we say Who have you written off Who have you written off It's nice Hate is a horrible word It is a strong word We don't use that word

Hate's a Something something word But I really really really Don't like you Remember that song Yeah I do yeah Hate's a strong word Okay

Well 0800DARLSATM 9696 I We want to know Who have you written off And how long's it been Shannon was that song? Yeah, I do, yeah. It's a strong word. Okay. Well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. We want to know, who have you written off and how long has it been? Shannon was replying to emails and she mentioned a name. A name popped up.

And I said, I wrote that guy off years ago. Yeah. Dealing with something. Yeah. I won't say, well, no details, but there's some really...

Years ago, what was it? 18 years. At least. Written say. Well, no details, but. There's some really. Years ago. What was it? 18 years. At least. Written off. Yeah. Good. Love writing people off.

Have you revisited the thought fletch to go, am I still going to keep them written off? I haven't seen them in 18 years. Yeah. Hayley, I haven't seen them. And thank God. Written off. Written off. Written off.

Written off. Not in my life. Nothing I want a part of. Write them off. And this is what we want to ask Written off. Not in my life. Nothing I want a part of. Write them off. And this is what we want to ask this morning is, when did you write someone off and how long has it been and why? 20 years ago, I wrote off Robbie Williams. My stepdad really liked him and my stepdad was a dick.

So they both got written off. Okay. Well, you might want to revisit Robbie Williams now. Yeah, maybe. Is his stepdad still around? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. Who knows?

Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, this was a girl at primary school. Yeah, like 20 years ago. Yes. And you still haven't let it go? Nah, screw her. Okay, can we ask what she did? Yeah.

I'm going to be fully honest, I can't remember. Oh, wow, you can't even remember? Oh my God, wow. Okay, so it's been 20 years, you can't remember. Oh, wow, you can't even remember? Oh my God, wow. Okay, so it's been 20 years, you can't even remember what she did but you don't like her to this day. All I remember is she was moving overseas in like year four

and she had a leaving card and I refused to sign it because I was a petty little kid and the teacher forced me to and I threw a massive tantrum and she got her way and I've never forgotten it. Hey, Anonymous, do you reckon you might be the problem? Definitely not.

I still like her. Yeah, because you're the main character. You're the likeable main character. I don't know. Exactly. Exactly. Anonymous, thank you. Have a great weekend.

Ask the messages in. Oh, my God. My wife wrote off your whole morning show. Wow. When one of her workmates lied to you about a story involving both of them, you made fun of my wife

and then gave the workmate a candle. We would have never done that. It doesn't sound like us. It doesn't sound like us. We really just sound like us. We would very much like to rectify this situation

by giving your wife a candle. Has she still written us off? No, we're written off. Or has she come back around? No, no, we're still written off. Oh, my goodness. Well, we can't have this. We can't have that.

We can't have that. We can't have it. We can't have that. We can't have that. Your workmates lied to you about a story involving both of them. We made fun of the wife. We did. And then we gave the workmate a candle.

Why did we make fun of the wife? Why did we give the workmate a candle? I don't know. What kind of candle? What was the scent of the candle? I don't think, have we given away maybe- Was it an Akoya giveaway? It might be Akoya.

Well, we can't drag Akoya into this. Has she written off Akoya? Let's not drag Akoya into the drama. Goodness, well, we need more details. We need to rectify

this situation. I feel like we need to ring the wife and just have a little heart-to-heart. Oh, fair, you know. I can't have that. Saw my Form 2 teacher yesterday,

greeted her, then immediately made my colleague deal with her as I realised I'd written her off. The minute I saw her, I had all the feelings flood back. That was 29 years ago. Oh, wow. Let it go, let it go. Okay, let it go. One time, four years ago,

my husband got up out of his camping chair and a lady sat in his camping chair and he's written her off. Because she stole his chair. That was her off. Because she stole his chair. That was his chair. Because she stole his chair. Just sidebar, I said,

I want to buy some winter jerseys this weekend. Yeah. That's on my to-do list because it's getting cold. You're coming out to Wellington and it's a beautiful place to shop for winter goodies. Oh, Wellington's a great place to shop

for winter goodies, actually. And Vaughan said, ooh, you can get a Costco. At Costco for $35, you can get a Costco crew neck. Yeah. And everyone scoffed and they're like, ooh, you can get a Costco. At Costco for $35, you can get a Costco crew neck. Yeah. And everyone scoffed. And they're like, why are you C-blocking him?

Why are you C-blocking your brother? He's trying to get laid. And I said, if anyone can get laid in a Costco jersey, it's Fletch. And that is the highest praise. Highest praise. Thank you. That is the highest praise. People would say things like, do I have to buy it in bulk?

And you'd be like, I'm going to need to see your Costco card. We are talking now about the people that you wrote off years ago and why. And man, there are some petty messages coming through. Very funny. Someone said, I have three written off stories and none of them can be shared on the radio. Which just makes us want it even more. That's like seeing Fletch in a Costco jersey. I want it even more.

You want more. I want more, more, more. Yeah. Oh, the person's messaged in the wife, in the workmate story where they wrote us off because the wife said there was a lie. More on the wife story. The workmate and her were in an auction battle for a house.

Workmate was using daddy's money so we never stood a chance and we lost. We left obviously disappointed. However, the workmate told you she ran out crying and avoided her at work, but she really spoke to the workmate anyway. Vaughn mimicked my wife crying and they said some other stuff. Hayley was not involved. It was 10 years ago. Wow.

Hayley, you're free. I would like to. I think we need to move on from this. No, we've been written off. We were just reading information that was given to us. I'm so sorry. By a third party. I'm so sorry.

I'm very sorry. I'm sorry that we were lied to by somebody. How would you have met a wife? Oh, no. I don't have a house. We've lost you for another 10 years probably And now I'm involved Yeah

Are you just pre-reading some just ahead Because people are sounding the name celebrities Guys do you know what I just realised While you're pre-reading Vaughan from the office here in Wellington the building, I've got a great view. I can see the apartment that I lost my virginity in.

I'm looking right at it. Why is this a sidebar? I just saw it and went, I recognise that building. And I went, oh yeah, there it is. Okay. Anyway. Good sidebar. Thanks.

Good sidebar. Good sidebar. More people are writing us off Fletch. Okay. Anyway. Good sidebar. Thanks. Good sidebar. Good sidebar. What was it? More people are writing us off Fletch. I almost wrote a Fletch and Vaughan a number of years ago when they were working on that other radio station. I got through on a call something for Father's Day and they never sent the prize out.

I think it was a DVD. Oh, yeah. They always made us give away fake prizes, remember? What? They didn't exist. They didn't exist. They didn't exist They didn't exist They didn't exist Yeah

Got ya When changing schools In 1983 The mean girl Put glue stick All over my desktop Can't take that chip Off my shoulder

No I wouldn't I'd still write that off That person off Yeah yeah That's totally Where are they now Have you stalked them I bet they're doing worse than you

Yeah yeah You should have stalked them I reckon they're Yeah Sad nug In sixth form My music teacher told me I had no sense of rhythm. I'm turning 45 on Sunday.

My kids have had her as a teacher, and I've managed to pass the write-off to the next generation. Oh, good. An intergenerational write-off. Yeah, good. That's nice. But I bet the kids are rhythmically challenged as well. Yeah, clicks on the one and three.

Yeah. That was me, though, too. I remember the teacher saying, now just cup your ears like this while you sing. That's what you sound like. Oh. I know. Did you write that on me though too I remember the teacher saying now just cup your ears like this while you're saying that's what you sound like oh I know did you write that on me

yeah bitch yeah yeah bitch write that bitch off I've written off my only sister a CBF with her BS lived in the same house when we were younger

and refused to talk to her for almost four years now I've moved out I couldn't get less imagine not talking to your sibling for four years for four years

in the same house. Yeah. My best friend who watched me birth my children is dead to me. I've written her off. She slept with my now ex-husband. Oh yeah. Well, that's a write-off. That's a write-off.

That's a write-off. Yeah. That's a write-off. That's a write-off. There was this awful girl in high school. I had so much beef with her. Mum was the principal's assistant. So she used to tell me to her mum and lie and I'd get detentions.

Ten years later, we were invited to the same baby shower. I thought I'd give her a second chance. Turns out she's gone all anti-vax, conspiracy theorist, deep, deep rabbit hole Christian. Still living in our hometown and was recently dumped. So, you know, I've written her off, but I'm definitely doing better. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

This is something that is very much part of the Y2K aesthetic. And that was year 2000, right? Yeah, the early 2000s. The Y2K aesthetic, which is back, the thin eyebrows, the low-rise jeans, the hoodies, all that kind of stuff. What do you call the bits where you hang down two strands of your fringe? Bangs. No, they're not bangs. Bangs go all the way across. Strands. Yeah, strands. S-strands. S-strands. Strand bags. bangs no they're not bangs bangs go all the way across strands strands

that's right strands strands strand bags strand bags brought to you by strand bags brought to you by

strand bags find them in Westfield near you next to the suitcases it'll always blow your mind how much bags cost

every time I walk past strand bags I'm like how much suitcases aren't cheap, are they? Dude, you're telling me. And then you lose a wheel first time. Oh, that. And your handle gets all jammed. And you're like, now I've got a jammed handle

and three wheels for the next. Back to strand bags. I paid $400 for this thing. Well, they don't make the suitcases. Yeah. Okay, so why is your case aesthetic? Back, in a big way, but people are making it permanent.

And what is one of the most sort of, like, what's the thing, like, it's like an identifying feature of the Y2K aesthetic? Robbie Williams.

Tramp stamp. No, the tramp stamp. He had one, didn't he? Yeah, he had one. Did Robbie Williams have a tramp stamp? Yeah.

Now, that is the tattoo in the small of the lower back. Center, small of the lower back. Think tribal designs. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar.

Approach. Back dimples. Cute. Hot, eh? The best. Far apart. Right where the tramp stamp would go. Yeah, dude.

Just blow where the tramp stamp would be. If you've got back dimples, don't be covering them up with a tattoo. Keep it simple and in the middle like a nice thin playboy bunny. Oh, with maybe a heart around it. But don't cover up

them back dimples. Yeah. Don't cover up them back dimples. That's madness. Don't. Don't. I want to look at them.

I don't know. I want to put a finger in them. Just lightly. Yeah. Like that. Well, they're not that deep.

No, but just, okay, yeah. Okay, anyway, back from the sidebar. Yeah, like that. Well, they're not that deep. No, but just... Okay, yeah. Okay, anyway, back. Anyway, anyway. From the sidebar. Sorry, and we're back into the main bar.

So they're making a huge comeback. And do you know who talked about this? It's Lauren Windsor, who is a celebrity tattoo artist. She tattooed Mai Kwali. Remember we talked to her about she came over and did a fundraiser for Men's Mental Health? Yes, she was lovely. Lovely.

She did the tiny teddy on Teddy Swims. Yes. On his face. Yep. So Lauren was talking about that. She's an Australian tattoo artist, but tattoos like Miley Cyrus and Teddy Swims and Hailey Sproul and all this.

Wait, what? Who? Did you know that last one? So like Miley Cyrus, Teddy Swims, Hailey Sproul. She's tattooed all the celebrities. Hailey Sproul. So she was talking about-

Did Hailey Bieber go back to her original name? Yeah, must have. So Hayley Sprouse. Right, okay. She's given me a tattoo. We were like really good friends. We got on quite well. Anyway, so she was talking about the fact

that her studio where she's based in Australia, they used to offer as well tattoo removal. And for years, she was like, people coming in being like, I've got to get rid of that tramp stamp. Like, that's terrible. Yeah. And now she's like, now people are coming in being like, I've got to get rid of that tramp stamp. Like, that's terrible. Yeah. And now she's like, now people are coming in being like, I

want to get one. And they're getting the full Y2K like tribal butterfly feeling. Oh no. Okay. As people that have been there, you're going to regret this. You know what? Let them. Let them. Let them. Me and Mel Robbins over here. Just saying,

just let them. Like, you've got to make your own mistakes, you know? The younger people, they didn't see the error of their ways yet. Yeah, Miley Cyrus has one. Charli XCX has one. I think lots of the young kind of boppy girls are getting them. I think Charli XCX would have led the charge. Very much Charli XCX energy getting the lower back. Well, let them.

She's a brat. Let them. People are saying though we should rename it because we don't call people tramps. I did. I asked ChatGPT for a list of possible name replacements for the tramp stamp. What is the AI

stamp? Tail art. The vertebrae vibe. The base bloom. The spinal ink. Spinal ink's like No I think we just stuck with tramp stamp I think we just The peach print

Reclaim the word tramp The love handle ledger The booty banner Booty banner Booty banner Booty banner Love that Booty banner

There's a banner above the booty Yeah that's good Don't you get a couple of those dimples That's good That's good stuff Oh yeah Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley Scientists have used eye tracking Yeah, that's good. Don't you get a couple of those dimples? That's good. That's good stuff. Oh, yeah. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley.

Scientists have used eye tracking to study when men and women are talking with each other what they look at in terms of the face. Boobies. Oh, okay. So it's from the- Eyes, eyes, hard in the eyes, hard in the eyes, hard eye contact. So they did this with a whole bunch of people, and basically they wanted to use this eye tracking technology

to uncover which facial areas draw the most attention during judgments of attractiveness. So if you're seeing someone, what are you looking at? Eyes. It's different for men and women. What do you think it is? Now, lips, I reckon, sometimes. Like, I like to look at lips. Think about kissing them. That's if you're looking at? Eyes. It's different for men and women. What do you think it is? Lips, I reckon, sometimes. Like, I like to look

at lips. Think about kissing them. That's if you're looking at hot men or a man. Yeah, if I'm a hot man. Same for a woman? Probably eyes on women.

Yeah, as the show Saloon Door, I guess you can comment on both men and women. The show Saloon Door. Why? Oh, she swings both eyes. That's why show's saloon door. Why? She swings both eyes.

That's why she's not looking. Okay. One time, you know, the breeze might blow it in or the patron might push it out. Who knows? Push it out, yeah. I would go lips on men, eyes on women. Okay, producer. I've never really looked at a man, a beautiful man.

I'm just going to Google Henry Cavill's face. Just look at me. Look at me. Why don't you look at me? I said beautiful man. Yeah, but what are you looking at when you see me as a beautiful man? I'm just a weirdo. Okay, let's move on.

I think with me. Shannon, Carwin, what do we think? What do you look at if you're looking at a man? Maybe jawline or like face shape. Like the vibe of the face. What if someone like Vaughn covers up their lack of jawline with a big beard? No, that still like applies. It's just the beard.

That was a personal attack. That was it. Well, it's just sometimes I've got a, you know, I've got a strong jaw. You do have a strong jaw and a cute button nose. Yeah, thank you. Oh my God, thank you so much. This is what they found. Researchers found that men tend to fixate on women's mouths when rating their attractiveness.

So it doesn't really go into like, I mean, maybe it's lips, maybe it's little mouth, big mouth, I don't know. So do you think you should, you know Margaret Qualley, the actress? Yeah, love her. She was in The Substance. She's, yeah, she's an epobaby apparently. Yeah, she is.

But anyway, she's a great actress regardless. But she always does that thing where she'll bite her lip in all of her movies. Oh, yeah. And it is a hot move. Do you think a woman should do that? When men are like, they're getting a flirt with them,

just a little, don't go full suck of lip, but maybe just a little right. I'm trying it, Vaughn. Have a look. Does it make me more attractive? Does that work? It's the goofiest goddamn thing

I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, no, don't do that. No, don't do that I've ever seen in my life Yeah no don't do that No don't do that You look a bit Don't do that Yeah Um okay Don't do that

So you guys are all wrong God I feel like We need to get you A diagnosis after seeing that Women Okay you guys are all wrong And Vaughn This is bad news

For both you And I Women Tend to focus On men's eyes and hair. Yeah, I love checking out a guy's hair. I love a bull brother. Oh, man! I love a bull brother, but if he has hair,

I mean, look at Aaron. He's got the curliest ringlets you've ever seen. His eyes and his hair. I'm looking at my picture of Henry Cavill and I'm like... Good eyes and hair. Great hair. So yeah, that my picture of Henry Cavill and I'm like... Good eyes and hair. Great hair. So yeah, that's what women focus on when they... So I mean, if you're a guy going on a date, you've really got to...

So if you're a cross-eyed baldy, you're screwed. I'm sorry, my king. You're out. No luck for you, king. And then I guess here, men, if we're going on a date with a woman, we've got to, I guess,

make sure you've got some chapstick on. Yeah, you don't want chappy lips and maybe get a bit of filler in there, you know, pump it up.

No, no. No. Your top lip kind of folds up in itself. No. No. Now, can I try

this lip biting again because I want to nail it so I'm attractive. No. No, don't. Put the whole bottom lip under the front row of teeth. Oh, that's how you bite it. I'm hoping that will be a video highlight today. Just the corner.

Just go for the nose. So you can all see that. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Well, all week it's been owl week. It has. And we've been having fun, haven't we? Have we?

I've had a great week. I thought we would talk about owls, what different cultures and languages call them, and what it's associated with. Because in some cultures, owls are seen as wise. Like, we probably think owls are quite wise. Yeah, we do. We say wise as an owl. I recently learned that wingspan, just out of Rotorua,

and again, I would recommend absolutely popping that. He's on big wingspan. I'm not on any big wingspan, but they provided me with some experiences that I never in my life thought I would have oh that's lovely I had a falcon

sit on my head one of New Zealand's rarest birds the falcon popped on my head no it didn't poop just jumped on my head yeah right

popped or pooped sorry clarify popped or pooped just to clarify again popped it just popped on my head it popped off my arm very close to pooped

very close were you wearing your beanie because those claws are sharp. Yeah, I was wearing my beanie. You'll be in the staircase too. I know. And it was a falcon all along. And it was a falcon. So English word for owl is of course owl and we get it from Greek which is associated

with Athena in Greek mythology. The Greek god. Which is a range of bathroom wear. Yes, correct. Taps, baths, showers. Also named after Athena. Toilets. Yeah. And Athens itself named after Athena. Yeah. French, a chouet is what it's called, which means nice.

They're generally associated with wisdom in French culture as well. Oh, chouet. In Greek, they were sacred to Athena, thus the association with Athena, symbol of wisdom and knowledge. And in Latin, they were basically the same, but the Roman counterpart of Athena. Japanese are considered a symbol of good fortune and protection. Fukuro is what an owl is called,

and that literally means no hardship and good fortune. In Chinese, they call a cat-headed eagle because that's what they thought in ancient Chinese culture. That's what they thought they were. They were an eagle with a cat's head. Okay. Sometimes associated with misfortune in some aspects and sometimes not. In India, associated with a

goddess called Lakshmi as she rode them in ancient Chinese culture. She must have been tiny. Logistically impossible. I'm just going to put it out there. She would have squashed it. Wow. In. I'm just going to put it out there. She would have squashed it. Wow.

No, I think she's like Barbie size. Wow. In 2025, you're going to fat shame an Indian goddess. Unbelievable. I'm just saying logistically, how big was this owl? It would have to be. It's a beautiful brown baby girl. It would have to be three stories high.

Like a, you know, like a dinosaur. No, what were those things in Game of Thrones? Dragons. A dragon. It would have to be dragon sized. No, what were those things in Game of Thrones? Dragons. A dragon. It would have to be dragon-sized. Yeah, could have been. Or it just could be a myth. You know, a lot of mythology is exaggerated.

Yeah, but I mean, there's myths. Some of these myths, man. They don't stack up. You know, logistically. That's why they're called myths. You know, Marley didn't actually sort of tether the sun. I know, but one of those ropes. Whoa, bad Maori, bad Maori.

And she sits on benches. By the way, I've seen Hayley Sproul sit on benches. She sits on so many benches. Dear bad Maori me. She sits on benches. And every time I'm like, bad Maori. Bad Maori. And as white men in a predominantly male-dominated white industry,

we do take our policing of our Maori females very seriously. And I appreciate it. You call me out. I just don't like you sitting where we eat. In South Africa, in the Zulu language, often associated with witchcraft and considered an omen for misfortune, Ishikova is the name for

the owl in Zulu. Mongolian, they're seen as a symbol of companionship. And Genghis Khan apparently kept owls and would use them for scouting himself. In his Mongolian restaurant. Yeah, in his yurt. Oh, yeah. And the owls would catch various things

and he'd chuck them straight in the wok, which would then be a shield in the field of battle. And of course, ending in New Zealand, I do love, I really do love that a lot of New Zealand birds and creatures have the Pokemon naming aspect. Where, according to Maori language, they were just kind of named after the noise they make. Yeah, because they sound like more pork. Well, no, that's what English people say. Oh, right.

It's a bilingual bird, the ruru. Is it? Ruru, ruru. Is why it's called the ruru. That's why they call it more pork. More pork. You know that really Maori why it's called the ruru. That's why they call it more pork. More pork. You know that really Māori sounding term, more pork. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they say at the hangi. They're like, good hangi, but more pork, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. And not a single R rolled in either of those. No, more pork. No, more. More pork.

Almost like an M-A-W-P-A-W-K. More pork. More porky. It is a bilingual bird because it says its name in both English and Te Reo. So, yeah, it's named after how it's called and considered a guardian spirit and carries messages from the spirit world. So there we go. Owls, it's been our week.

It's been my absolute bloody pleasure to bring it to you. I don't know what we're doing next week. Better than calendar week. Better than calendar week. Yeah. Just. to you. I don't know what we're doing next week, but I'm looking forward to it. Better than calendar week. Better than calendar week. Yep. Just fact of the day day, day, day, day.

Yeah. What's the dumbest thing you did this week? Because a woman was doing Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. What's the dumbest thing you did this week? Because a woman was doing a video where she was yours. Yeah, I drove. I missed the turn and I turned around and drove down the footpath. You say dumb. I say quite time efficient versus going another K up the road to a roundabout and doing it safely.

A woman was doing a barbecue, like a video of her barbecuing, and she rested her phone inside the barbecue to get that sort of POV situation. Oh yeah, like you were the meat looking at her barbecuing you. Yeah. And then she shut the barbecue lid and forgot her phone was in there. And then she comes back and her phone's like cooked. She's cooked her phone. Now that's dumb. Yeah. But you could obviously see, was it still working? Yeah, like melted and everything.

Yeah, right. You could see that it wasn't working as well as it should have been. Because sometimes my phone at the beach, if it's really hot, will be like, eh,

it's too hot for me. I'm too hot. I can't charge. I'm too hot. I'm turning off for a little bit to cool down. Yeah. I couldn't possibly do anything.

I'm hot. Yeah. So, that's what, we just want to know what the dumbest thing what you did this week was. Maybe a bit of a brain fart moment. Okay. I'm hot. Yeah. So that's what... We just want to know what the dumbest thing what you did this week was. Maybe a bit of a brain fart moment.

Okay. Brain fog, baby brain. I know baby brain's a big one for the... What about... The mums. I'll start. Hayley forgetting to charge her phone before she went to bed last night

and we had to ring reception to wake her up at six o'clock in the morning. Pretty dumb. Pretty dumb. Pretty dumb. Yeah. What about when I was supposed to do a guitar solo on my keytar

and I ripped out the wrong chord so it was just silent? I looked like a dick. What do you mean you ripped out the wrong chord? Oh, I know the chord. I thought you meant chord as in C-H-O-R-D, like a piano chord. Cable. Ripped out the wrong cable. That was pretty dumb.

Okay, we want you to message us. 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Call us. 9696. I got that round the wrong way, but no one noticed. Call us. 0800 dials at M. Call us. 9696. I got that round the wrong way, but no one noticed. Call us 0800 dials at M. Text 9696. You don't text 0800 dials at M.

Everybody knows. Everybody knows. Carry on. Sorry, change of text. Just change of text. Change of text. Change of text. Back to the dumb thing.

Change of text. I bruised my face on a straw this week. Is a text message. How'd you do it? How'd you do it? I'm going to say? You went to reach like itch your foot or something or your ankle and you go. Oh my god.

Imagine stabbing your eye with a straw. I feel this one to the absolute core of my being. Tuesday me committed to Sunday plans, to Saturday plans. Oh yeah. That's a dumb thing. You should never commit to a Saturday on a Tuesday. And now I guess you

walk in the mountains or something. We plan Saturday on Thursday. Fabulist. Okay, the dumbest thing you did this week. What's the dumbest thing you did this week, Charlotte? Good morning. What is it? What's the dumbest thing?

I was making my five-year-old some rice bubbles, as per usual, but also making my coffee at the same time. I'm not classy, so it's just Makona. Hey! We consider those shots fired. Shots fired, words of attack. If you open up my locker here at work, Charlotte,

it is full to the brim of Makona coffee on standby. What kind of Makona do you use, Charlotte? It's actually decaf. I'm breastfeeding, so even more broadly. Breastfeeding, yeah. I would judge you even harsher if you were like Fletch and drank the caramel. Fletch drinks the caramel. No, because I'm sophisticated.

No, you're a basic bitch. I'm actually sophisticated. It's very Italian of me. You grow up. Okay, so what did you mix the rice bubbles in the coffee? So I had the bowl of rice bubbles there and I scooped in my teaspoon of Macona, chucked it in the bowl,

chucked in a little bit of milk and the boiling water and then gave it to my five-year-old who was like, what the heck is that? I used to put Milo on my rice bubbles when I was a kid. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that works. I mean, it's just adding more sugar to a... A sugar situation rice bubbles when I was a kid. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that works. I mean, it's just adding more sugar to a... A sugary situation.

Quite a, yeah, okay. Oh, Charlotte, that's not too dumb. That's not too dumb. That's not too dumb. Thank you, Charlotte. Sian, what was the dumbest thing you did this week? First of all, can I just say, long-time listener, first-time caller.

Yay! I found the energy the minute we started talking, so I reached for the bell. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome, Sian. Welcome, Sian. Thank you.

Thank you. Also, Fletch, shout out on my fellow Taranakians. Yes, thank you. Vaughan's down this weekend. I'm popping down to New Plymouth. Oh, I'm so excited.

Whereabouts in the Naki are you? I'm from the south, Fletch, so sorry about that. We're a little bit That's where I'm going. That's where I'm going this weekend. Vaughan's going to Orpanaki, I believe. I'm going to the Pihama-Al about that we're a little bit that's where I'm going that's where I'm going this weekend

I'm going to the Pihama Alfam sort of area yeah lovely well Vorn will pop by I literally live five minutes from Alfam you should pop in

for a coffee Vorn will pop in we're going down to see the old family farm before it gets sold oh Alfam I don't know why you have to

go to an old farm that you've never lived on my ancestors arrived and just took it. Oh, right. We just took it. And now we're selling it. I assume the family, well, we don't have any financial stake in it, but I'm assuming they're selling it for a wealthy profit.

Classic. Classic. Classic bit of colonialism there. I do apologize to everybody. Sian, what is the dumbest thing you did this week? I just want to preface this with saying that my nickname is Sianage for a reason. Sian, what is the dumbest thing you did this week? I just want to preface this with saying that my nickname is Sianage for a reason. Sianage!

Great nickname. I love that. So, I've got one of those drink bottles, those LSKD ones with the metal straw. Yeah, yeah. You know, big straw scenario. So, I had it in the cup holder of my car.

I'm a teacher, so I've got a lot of stuff in my car at the end of the day. I get home. I'm unpacking the car. That's all good. I realise something's on the other side that I have to lean over and get. My foot slipped on the wet lino and my face met the straw. Oh, that's lucky you didn't take an eye out. Very.

It's literally just under my eye. Were you one of those turtles in that video? You have a straw lodged up your nose. Yeah, and then we'd all probably have to give up metal straws because of Sian and getting a straw. Do you have a perfectly round mark under your eye, on your cheek or something? Yes, I actually do.

The Bruce is the perfect shape of the straw. Ouch. And I'm a bit scared about going to school today because I already get in in the neck for constantly falling over and walking into tables. Okay. My students run sleep stacks on how many times I'll trip over in a lesson. Oh, shut up.

Oh, shut up. Yeah. Now, I think we've already done Caller of the Week, haven't we? But we haven't done Text of the Week, but we'll just give that to you because... Yeah, I think so. That's a very funny story. We're going to hook you up with a $50 Animates voucher. Thanks to Animates making happy happen for pets.

Wait there, Sian. That's awesome. I'm a crazy cat lady, so that's great. Imagine all the catnip you can buy at Animates with a $50 voucher. Love that. Wait there, Sian. Let's go to Rebecca. Sorry, that was just crazy cat people talking to each other. Rebecca, dumbest thing you did this week.

Go. Well, I obviously live, obviously not at home anymore, but I needed to go around to Dad's to get something sort of DIY related. And it was under his house. So I went under the house to try and find it. And I turned around and I Tom and Jerry'd myself on a rake. Oh, you did it. I did.

I did. I stepped on the rake and the pole went straight it. I did. I did. I stepped on the rake and the pole went straight into my head. Like a movie. Yeah. Tom and Jerry. Like Tom and Jerry.

Yeah. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Did anyone see it? Rebecca, it feels like a waste if no one saw it. Yeah.

It was such a waste because it was just me and the dog saw it. Right. Because if that was like on a security cam, that would be like you'd make millions

of YouTube. But it gets better. Okay. Because I forgot that I was under the house so it's a significantly shorter space than it is

in the outside world. Yep. So I'm just standing up and I walk out thinking I'm walking through forgetting where I am and I just went whack on the door frame

with my head. Oh God, God. Okay. And then I was like, oh, that's right. I'm in a significantly shorter space than I was when I was in the outside world. So that's two head knocks in the space of 30 seconds. Oh, mate, I know. And there's also a mess in my brain that no one knows what it is.

So just adding insults and direct... Wait, wait, wait. Rebecca, I feel like we've just brushed over the back. You've got an anomaly in your brain. I was about to say, sounds like you need a CT scan, but you've already had one. I've had several, mate. No one knows what it is. Oh, my God.

Okay, well, that was... Is it a straw? Is it a straw? Probably. Wait, I went up the nose and you kind of forgot. Rebecca, thank you. Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards.

Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Give us a review. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.