ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - November 28th 2025

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

On today's episode of the Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Big Pod, we take on the case if the Invercargill Phantom Pool Pooper... will you name be cleared? Aussies drink more wine than Kiwis It's an ICK to only pay for what you ate The most popular toys for the year you were born Top 6 - Ways Simon Dallow will sign off for the last time Chris Martin and Gwenyth's Māori divorce? How bad were you in a crisis? Vaughan got poo on his face SLP - Would you want to be an influencer? Stranger Things crashed Netflix Poop Patrol - Tracking down the Phantom Pool Pooper Fact if the day Parent Drama See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM Podcast Network This is... Fleshwoman and Haley's Big Pod Thanks to Animates, Making Happy Happen for Pets. The top six is coming up are Simon Dallow's last night on the news. Wow, how long? What was it?

2006. Yeah, nearly 20 years. But, like, that's only since he's been leading the 6pm bulletin. He's been around for longer than that. And he was 42 when he did his first news bulletin. I was just reading. I was going to say, having met Simon a night,

number of times. The man keeps it tight. Oh, does he walk? He looks like a spring shock. I don't think his height comes across in the news either. No, it doesn't. We used to stand up next to Wendy. Wendy's also quite a tall way here. Yeah. Yeah. So if you've never met Simon Delo, the dude must be 6'4. He's very tall. Very tall.

6'4, 6.5? 6.7. He's not yet. 6'7. The top 6 are delving into Simon Delo's last television news broadcast tonight. And how's he going to to sign off. Stay a classic of San Diego. I think there'll be...

No, there won't be. He's an absolute professional. They'll bring out flowers and he'll keep it tight but he'll do a little farewell. But his sign off. Yeah. We'll see what that's in the top six. Top six ways, Simon Delo will sign off.

Also, we must deal with the news that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Poutreau. Yes. Have claimed that when they did their world famous consciousness, uncoupling. They also did another ritual, and it's something very specific

to us here in Altearoa. We'll deal with that before 7 o'clock. Next on the show, though, Osses are beating us at something. Again. I'm sick of them. The ZM Podcast Network. Well, an infographic that was being shared around on Reddit shows

I love infographics. I know, same with graphs. Oh, gorgeous. Do you prefer a pie graph or a bar chart? Oh, I'll tell them either, but I'll probably lean heavily towards pie. Yeah, I like a pie. Yeah. And colors.

I like big words. What about when things are represented in an infographic, the more they were mentioned or the bigger share they have just the like a word cloud. Yeah, nice. Or, yeah.

We're simple. We're simple. Yeah, we're just like shapes and stuff. It shows that Australia consumes 29.9 litres per person annually of wine compared to New Zealanders who are on average 10.7 litres. What is that in bottles? 700 mills in a bottle, so 10 litres is 10, 11, 12, 15 bottles?

Haley's face. And what a year? I mean, you're doing your share for, no, I don't drink. I don't drink wine. Unless it's in, unless it's Prosecco and an apparel. Yeah. I don't drink wine. Honestly, I would be aghast.

I love wine. I love wine so much. I would say wine is a passion of mine. Yeah. I like it in small amounts. I'm telling you look for it. My favourite vowel is I-E-O-Wa-WIM. So apparently Australia is the 12th largest consumer.

But then people are commenting. Yeah, per capita. So they're more than us. People are commenting, and I noticed this again, I was reminded of it at the weekend when I was in Australia, that everything is so expensive. there. Wine is cheaper than beer. Wine is cheap than beer.

Some of the wine. Bear blows my mind how expensive getting a beer. So expensive. I got a six pack of like RTDs or something. Yeah. And it was like $37 for a six pack. Like even like this is how pals over there now and boxes of pals. Like it's

they're so expensive over there. It's insane. I know. Because I was, we went out for dinner when we were over there this week. This week, Fletch. Jesus. Where's this? Start of the week. Dilly, daily with my time at this time of the year. On our, um, work business trip.

And they said an $8 beer, and I was expecting, you know how they do them little schooners or whatever they call? God, I hate them. They're embarrassing. Grow up. Yeah. Schooner or a pint. Schooner or no, schooner or a turner or a... That's okay if you've got a jug and you're pouring into a little...

Otherwise, that's an embarrassing beer. Yeah. But then it was $8, I was like, it's just going to be one of those tiny schooners and it came out. It was a big one. It was like, wow. It was a big beer for $8 in Australia. and this guy was just like, yeah, that's a hell of a deal. Hell of a deal.

Because they do it's so expensive. So it's wine drunk, drunk, drank, swammed. Drink, drunk. Because it's the cheapest option. It might be, yeah, might be by the sounds of it. Or they just love that wine. I mean, they are a wine country. Yeah, they do love that wine.

The thingy very. I reckon they'd lead a few alcohol stats, eh? The Aussies. Yeah. Like worse than us, maybe? Yeah, I think we're on par. Maybe. The ZM Podcast Network.

Is this a show real? Play ZN's Flesh, Foran and Haley. Is it Black Friday actually today? It is the actual date today, but we just sort of dance around it all month. But American Black Friday's tomorrow. Yes, because Thanksgiving, today. Yeah. I'm thankful for you two this year.

I'm also thankful for you too this year. And you too. And you too. And please be with you. Great. And also with you. And may the 28th of November be with you. Now, there is an Italian waitress.

She lives in Australia, but she's from Tuscany, darling. So she's better than all of us. Okay. She lives in Melbourne, but works in an Italian restaurant. No other seasoning. Tuscan? Yeah. Hell of a seasoning.

Out there with Moroccan. No, go Moroccan over Tuscan. Some of my favorite places to visit would be my spice straws, you know? Oh, yeah? Nations and my spice straw. Yeah, I've loved been to. I've been to oregano. Have you?

Pretty cool. Wait till you go to paprika, guys. What's that like? Man, just like. Dusty. but like smoky. Because I had two days

in chicken salt and I didn't like it. That's crazy. Yeah, didn't like it. I can't wait for our genuine friends trip to Allspice.

Yeah. Where we go, we're going to have a good time. Time. Oh yeah, nice, nice. That was good. That was good.

Something about cumin. Anyway, I think it's pronounced Come in. Yeah, come in. Come in. Knock, knock. Who's there?

Cumen. Anyway, her name's Alice She's from Tuscany She works in an Italian restaurant in Melbourne Now, do you know who would love this? Patsy My mum's real When she goes to an Italian restaurant And they don't have an Italian accent

She's like, food's not going to be very good Oh really? Food can't be good And it could be the best And she'd be like, well to be in a Because she wants to practice her Italian It's like you don't You don't want your Chinese take away

To be too clean No Because they're sending too much time cleaning I don't have time Cooking Making whatever that Good is the It's been on the boil for three years.

Don't claim that. Give me a C rating. You know what I mean? I'm here. I'm here to eat. And I know they're going to pile that plate right up on a C. And in A, they're going to be stingy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she said, as an Italian waitress, here's one of the things that shocked me most about living in Melbourne. And I'm sure we do it over here just as much. The splitting of the bill, which is fine, split the bill like, hey, can we split it in half? Or we might split three ways or whatever. She thinks it's so embarrassing and gives her the ultimate ick

and that would never happen in Italy when someone comes up at the tiller's like how can we split the bill and she says yes and she goes okay I had three glasses of wine I had the fish and chips and I had the I only had one slice of pizza

yeah I had the guy so rather than just like can we split the bill in three yeah yeah she's like it's so embarrassing I always just think I mean and this is different situations of different people but if you are in the area

to someone pays and everybody pays it's just got to be easy for the rest of it. And our friend group does that mostly, eh? Mostly, either one person will get it and then we all divvy in or you'll go, can we split it three ways? I don't mind getting it because I don't get the points. Yeah, I know. I love the points. I love the points.

I get the points. He's a points pig. He's a points piggy. I'm a points piggy. So she said it is not the Roman, it's not the Italian way. In Italy, it's not the fact that they're bill splitting and not one big daddy's coming in a paying. They call it Bill Alaromana, the Roman way, which means, you know, how we might. do it. Can we just split it down the middle?

Split it three ways or something like that. She's like, it is so embarrassing when people are in there being like, can I pay for half of, so there was three of us, so I'm going to pay for one third of the bowl of chips. Yeah. And I'm going to get one third of the bottle of wine. No, that's dumb. And I had a salad.

Some people are on a budget and, you know, if they're out with a group of friends, they should just pay for what they ate. Totally. This goes back to, we've talked about this before. Yeah, work it out later. Yeah. Work it out later. But we've talked about this before.

Well, like, that's a conversation maybe best had before we go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And maybe someone can't... What's the budget? Yeah. And maybe someone doesn't have a credit card to put the whole dinner on, you know?

No, God, I've made a mistake one. This has been times this year where there's been a social event that I've just opted out of because it's not within budget. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's what I mean, like, maybe setting up the date, the friendship hangs so that we are all aware of the budget. Yeah. But there is that.

I mean, we've talked about it before on the show about friends and different budget errors. Yeah. Yeah. Epox. Epox. Yeah, we said it yesterday on the show and I wasn't 100% sure of what it meant at the time, so I stayed quiet,

but it confirmed it was exactly what I thought it was. It was like errors, defined errors. Yeah, yeah, right, right, little periods of time. Yeah, like my personal recession is my current financial epoch. Yeah, right. Do you, where are we at with our rounds of beers? I feel like it's worn round. I feel like when you take me to Bali, it's going to be my rounds for the next quite sometimes.

No, no, no, barley aside. That's its own separate thing. Wasn't it me? Aren't I'd you around? It's definitely not me. Where did we go and we went, we went to the Irish bar. And then you owed around. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, we went to the Irish bar before we went to that nice Sky City restaurant. Yeah, I, it's definitely borns or yours. I know I'm more than happy to start again at me. Cram. I'm sorry, I just want to get clear. I mean, we did take him to Bali. Play Z-M's Fleshhorn and Haley. Christmas toys.

Yeah. Massive. Every year, there's a big, big, fat one. I actually got too distracted by nostalgia. I didn't Google what the hottest Christmas toy was this, this year. Lobo boobo. Are we still lobubububes? Lubbos is still real hard to get a hold of.

We went into Pop Mart in Sydney and there was no Lubbubis. There was all the other ones. The hottest Christmas toys for 2025 include the Jurassic World Primal Hatch Interactive Dinosaur. Okay, that sounds good. Various Lego sets, especially those related to Formula One. Oh, yeah. Those Formula One Lego sets are sick. Yeah.

Other, especially Harry Potter, it says here, Lego. Other top contenders, character-driven toys from shows like Bluey and Gabby's Doll House. Yeah, Little Live Pets. I don't have to buy for any kids. Wow. I don't have to worry about it. Are you doing Nisa's Gifts, Fletch? Oh, prick.

No, we just get cash. How was it? He didn't even shake his head. He didn't even say anything. He's on the radio and he was just like, they just get cash. I don't know what. Toys. What do you do to your car?

Cash is can. Cash is king. When you're a kid when you got cash from an uncle, I never got any presents from my uncle's 20 bucks and you were like,

I am a lord. Yeah, I cannot wait for the summer to spend this. Yeah. Wait, hold on. You're only giving them 10. Uncle money bags is coming to town and he's only bringing 10?

They can't get ahead of themselves. 20 bucks and then you let them loose in the warehouse and you say, have an hour. That's what my mum is to say. Oh, maybe I'll go to 15. Maybe I'll go to 15 this year. I would have you got to go 15.

So you're going to go somewhere. Split a 10 to get two fives. Yeah. That's terrible. Well, this list is looking back at the hottest toys throughout the years. Okay. I'm going to start at about 88, where it was the place. I'm 89.

It was the play school kitchen. Oh, I remember though. Yeah. This one, fully plastic, by the way. Like, your dad probably could have whipped up, you whipped your upper mud kitchen from scraps in the garage. But, you know, it was the age of plastic. And it had, like, fake pots and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a present for girls because they would go in the kitchen. They were in the kitchen. Totally. Yeah, yeah, because that's where we belong. You're doing the cooking and the cleaning. And if the girl wasn't getting the plastic play school kitchen, they were getting Polly Pocket, 89, Poly Pocket. That's me, that's the year I was born,

and I grew up with lots of Polly Pockets. Polypockets had a resurgence because my daughter's had some Polly Pockets. Really? Yeah, it was the Ninja Turtles in 1990, anything Ninja Turtles based. And then for the rich kids, then we got into handheld devices like the Sega Game Gear came out in 19901. But for me, it was the Super Soaker, a year of the Super Soaker. Yeah, I remember that.

91 was the Super Soaker year where Super Soakers really took off. That was so great. Are they still cool, Vaughn, as resident dad? Oh, I'm just as a, now I'm, I can afford, I buy my own. I buy the most powerful one. Wow, as man. If I want to, if I want a backpack super circus, so I don't have to reload. I just use a water blaster on the kids.

Yeah, dude, the carcher just turns right through them. Yeah, go on, squirt me again. Yeah, see how close you can get you. Yeah, back there you're getting a misting. Step a bit closer, click. I use my weed sprayer backpack. You know, you've got a pump. still got a bit of roundup in it

yeah which is nice follow on Santa that'll keep the kids at bay in the moment they'll be like that's not strong you suck and I'll be like I'll sit with that for a bit man yeah sit with it 20 years 20 years in a lung disorder Barbie in 1993 had a big resurgence

and then we remember the 1994 saw the emergence and it was the must have toy the digital dear diary oh I don't remember that did you have one of those You remember as our resident rich kid. Do you remember those? Oh, vaguely, yeah.

I didn't have it. I went pen paper. The lockable diary. The dinky diaries or whatever they were, but this was like the digital one. It was a hard year in finance that year. Yeah, maybe Patz didn't sell a house. Didn't sell as many houses.

Dad didn't give as many loans out. Beanie baby started in 1995 to really hit, oh my God, 1996. The must have Christmas toy was tickle me alma. Oh, wow. That was when tickle me out. So that means. That feels so much earlier than I remember it.

Yeah, 90s. That kind of stacks up. So 30 years next year and stickle me out. We should get him in. We should get him in for a 30th birthday year. 1999 7 it was Tamagocchis. Tamagotches were the must have.

And then in 1998, the devil himself became a toy and Furbys with a must have Christmas Christmas. Oh, I remember. Didn't they try to bring those back a few years ago? Yeah, they did. It was a vibe, yeah. They did. So this is the most popular Christmas toy the year you were born.

Yep. 1999, oh yeah, you were a rich kid. And I mean, I was 17 by this. stage, but I still wanted one of those remote control cars that you couldn't roll because it could work upside down. Oh, he had those big like tumbler wheels. Big tumbler wheels. Yeah, yeah. It was called the Tycoe rebound. Okay.

That was the big one that was the must have. Not the Tyco YTT. That was a different year. That was a different year. Different, different, different. 2000 one was three. No, I like it. I liked it. I like this. The Sony PlayStation 2 was 2001's must have. Oh, wow. Okay. PlayStation 1 never made it on

the top list. No. Not on this list. No. Brats dolls. Here we go, yeah, and now I'm sort of remembering. Now I'm too cool. Brat stags, hey. Brat stags, real skanks. And it was 2002, so we're talking 23 years ago. All those little bratsdales grew up to just be the most horrendous adults. You know, you know that hammer and espresso martinis at the viaduct at like 2 in the morning and you're like, oh.

Yeah, these are my office. Go home, you've got kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, Mark. Also, that felt pointed because we've been in the vyduct drinking espresso martinis at 2 in the morning. Yeah, often. Yeah, often. And we're not brats, girls. The Xbox enters there.

A badge it. I don't remember this, but it was a homemade badge making machine. You could cut out a little headshot of the woman was a heartthrob in 2002. Leonardo DiCaprio. Clamp it on a badge and have your own badges. Bay Blades entered it. Oh my God, I had one of these and he's probably still in the garage somewhere. This dancing robot thing.

Oh, my God, I remember those. Do you remember when I had him? Yes, you had one of those. Why did you have it so late in life? I got gifted it. Okay. But no regrets. I would have purchased one of fucking him.

They love robots. Get a bit of AI technology in that in 2000. So what year are we up to the must have? 2005. Okay, these are the must have toys the year people were born. Tamagotchi Connection. This is where your Tamagocchi's could talk to other Tamagotches. Never got into that.

But the Nintendo Wii was 2006 must have. Was that Bluetooth, was it? Almost. Or an infrared. Might have been in the... With the Tamagosci's talking to each other. Yeah, guitar hero and other games that were based in, you know... Try to live out rock star memories.

entered in 2007 Yeah, Nerf I'll just roll through Those hoverboards That had a wheel on each side 2013's hottest Christmas gift Amazing Yeah

Give me a 2019 Is it gonna go all the way up 2019 was the Nintendo Switch Nintendo Switch Light And Harry Potter Hogwarts How far back does it go Like Right the way back

Right the way back 60s 70s Is it just like 1810 The original Christmas business. A bit of coal? The earliest one was 1970, Cindy, the Barbie knockoff.

Oh, okay. This was the more affordable option. And the board game risk and a space hopper. Wow. Okay. How fun if we got all these toys and we just got to play for a day. You know what?

We get into that time where the moors are going to be packed at the weekend. And especially today, because of Blake Friday, but yeah, a lot of Christmas shopping will be happening this weekend. Well, you reckon just line up at the ATM

and get out $15 bucks. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley From the unmoderated comment section This is the Top Six Simon Dallow finishes as the lead One News presenter

Tonight after 20 years at the job His final bulletin will be tonight He's 61 years old Wow He joined TVNZ in 1993 after earlier studying law and working as a barista, which is weird because you'd think you'd work as a barrister.

Yeah. But as a barista. That's why he always wears long sleeves on the news. He's covered in tattoos because of course... When you finish your barista training, they'd tat you up. They give you two sleeves. Yeah. So he's worked on news night, various news bulletins as well as fronting

agenda Q&A before hosting 6pm in 2006. So, yeah. He's been a long time. He started when he... News night? News night, yeah. Here's something young players,

listening to the radio. Keld us. Of course you are. TV too, you just have a late-night news program. That's right. They did. That was what news night was. Yeah, it was like a 15 minutes sort of a wrap-up of the day for the year.

Yeah. And he was targeted more at the youth. Yeah. Before the internet gave us, you know, little bite-sized pieces of news or news, he says. We were talking about it before. He's 61 years old. And not to objectify.

him. But, gee, like, he, when you see him, you're like, no way. Yeah, there's no tight. He's very tight. He's tall and tight. Tall and tight. Top six ways Simon Della will sign off as last news bulletin tonight. Number six on the list. For Hayle's, this is Hayley's idea. Okay.

Sianara. No, you've stuck it up. Simonara. Simonara. Simonara. Simonara. How did you miss that up? What did I say wrong? You said Siam. Siamanara. Siam. Simonara. Simonara.

Simonara. Japanese. Yeah, that's good, eh? Yeah, that's good. Simonara. Simonara. Maybe we should message him and say, you know what I think we should. Simonara.

Yeah, I think we'll be, there'll definitely be flowers, eh? Someone's going to bring out flowers. We'll send flowers and in the card instead of it will say, here's your top six suggestions of how to sign off. Maybe Judy Bailey and Paul Holmes will come out, you know? Oh, my God, poor homes. I've got such bad news for you. He died. Judy Bailey?

She's around. She's around. She's around. Richard Long. Because that's who he took over from, eh? Judy Bailey and Richard Long combo. They took over from Judy Bailey and Richard Long. Good Lord.

Good Lord. Number five on the list of the top six ways. Simon Della will sign off as a final news bulletin tonight with a stay classy San Diego. Yeah, why not? A little Ron Burgundy nod. Because that movie came out that year. Did it. I wonder if he likes the movie Anchorman.

Oh, you would. Well, you've got to like movies about you. By the way, in the new season of Stranger Things. Yeah. there's right at the start of episode, the first episode of it. Yep. They're running, Steve, they're running a, Robin and Steve are running a radio station. Oh, hey.

And August was just like, look, your job's on Strangely Things. You're your silly job. Yeah. Except it's real 80s radio. I think you'd have a real appreciation for it for someone that used to rock a cart. They used to have to work a car. Yeah, seriously. I might pull up that scene.

Okay. Well, actually, you might have to. So I didn't have Netflix on this. The number four on the list of the top six way Simon Della will sign off I reckon he's going to hit some fluent Rayo Because he was the original white boy giving it a red-hot go

He's very good He's very good You think a khakiite You think a bloody I think there might be long form Oh Do you think he might say What is the most important thing

Hetangita, he tauta Heetangita The people Yeah he may do Yeah may be Number three on the list Of the top six way Simon Dello will sign off

His last news bulletin Say dello to your mum for me Oh I love it Barrow it from Rome That's good That's good Because your mum likes Simon Yeah

Love Simon She likes him in all the ways Oh hello Number two on the list Of the top six ways Simon Della will sign off Tonight for his final news bulletin I'm Simon Delo

Simoning off for the last time Yeah that's good Simoning off Not as good as Simonara Simonara was the best I don't know why you put that in six I'll be honest No because this is

The top six Often the best ones are six You reckon Oh okay I don't do it They shouldn't be that way. It should be the best one should be number one. No, hook them in early.

People will think there's some more good stuff coming and then it never arrives. No, it won't be. Okay. Oh, I forgot to ask you to get the censor tone ready, but I don't think you could. I was actually going to say the words and you were going to have to censor them live. Do I try this? I mean, I... Oh my God, you should...

Guys, you should feel the nerves between these two at the moment. I mean, like, if you... I wouldn't say a word because... it doesn't really beep it out. Okay. You get ready for the... I'm at a point when I want the beep. Okay.

Okay. Top six ways, Simon Della will side off tonight at the end of one news for his final news bulletin. He will say, peace out. Oh, he won't say that. He can't say that. How good would it be if he did? I'd be pretty funny.

I'd be pretty funny. Is he burning in bridges? Simon Dallo, baby. That's the day's top six. The Z&Podcast Network play Z-N's flesh-worn and Haley. In a recent episode of the Goop podcast of Gwyneth Paltrow. It's still going. It is still going.

Is she still got a website selling like bread lamps and yonels? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. And, you know, like $5,000 moisturizers and whatnot and, you know, a bloody $9 million dildo and all sorts. So in this recent episode, she claimed that when she had her conscious uncopling slash divorce, with Chris Martin. From Coldplay. From Coldplay.

Which was a while ago now, right? Dude, 2040? Yeah, yeah. We're talking years ago. And their kids are like adults now. They're very beautiful. Very beautiful kids. Apple is a beauty.

Peer, though. A bit of a minger. Peer bruised. Banana, brown spots. Yeah, banana, so many brown spots. Apple, very beautiful. Very beautiful. And the conscious uncopling thing

that went like bloody viral because everyone was like the hell is that it's called a divorce but also like March 25th 2014 oh wow

but also it was civil which I think was nice wasn't it totally and I think that's what maybe people were like oh that's a good way of doing it that's how you do it

interesting well so on this episode she claimed alongside this civil breakup that she they also had a traditional Māori separation ceremony

Okay, what? And so everyone went, when, why, what? Who, how, how, where? Where's a good question? Where did this happen? Can we cross now to our resident Māori? Hailie Jane Sproul. I'm here.

What is a Māori divorce? I've had to Google it. And I've been on Reddit as well, my preferred source of accurate information. And a lot of people on here I'll say a lot of Māori on here being like Not really sure what she's referring to Because she didn't go into in depth And because she's talking in an American podcast

No one was there to be like Has she just said something not thinking She's going to have to follow through on it? I don't know If there's one thing And I love to see it When someone says something about Māori culture Around the world

It gets back to us Oh 100% And we've got questions Yeah a Māori divorce ceremony So I've done a bit of research here because a lot of people on Reddit are going, okay, we'll figure out what this means. Yeah.

But also, why did she do it? She didn't have a Māori marriage. She didn't have a Māori. She didn't have, she's not Māori. He's not Māori. They don't have a real connection to New Zealand other than they've visited. They're two of the widest people you'll ever see.

Yeah, yeah. And then someone also on this set is that, the pussy candle lady. So there's a lot of comments. A lot of comments. Okay, that's comment of the week. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. Why has she done this?

So I've had a bit of a research. Usually with traditional Māori marriages, which, again, they didn't have, it's also a bonding of Fano. So sometimes you can have a Fano Hui, like a meeting, where the whole families might get together and openly sort of have a hui about the breakdown. But also sounds quite civil, doesn't it?

Traditionally, I believe, like marriage around the world, marriage between Māori was to like combine power land and power and assets and everything which was what marriage has always been totally so here at this Fanahui they could add grievances they could acknowledge harms and then we can part ways

do you think she was meaning more that that's kind of what their conscious uncoupling was? I wonder if it's this because she said it was quite spiritual but that's all she said about it. It's called a fakawatia which is like a symbolic cleansing that clears any sort of tapu or like hard emotion

emotions between them. Okay. So I wonder if maybe, you know, she met her Maori and she went, I'd like to have a bit of that. And I love the spiritual things and maybe they said a blessing or something like that. But she's called it a traditional Māori divorce. Okay, we're going to need some fault. I hope someone gets an interview with her soon and gets to ask.

Yeah. Someone, yeah. I mean, like, I know one, I think, I think she's using words that she doesn't quite understand. Yeah. Okay. And killed it. Did someone play the... The ko-oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I doubt it, Vaughn. The Z-M Podcast Network. Play Z-N's Flesh, Born and Haley. I want to know how bad you were in a moment of crisis, because this will shock no one. I'm quite bad. Now, I don't think I've had that many crises. Would you, I mean, do you mean like there's a fire or there's a crash?

Anything's a crisis? It's an earthquake or something. Someone has a heart attack and you're the only one there to do it. Oh, yeah, okay. Because apparently there's only four types of people in a crisis. Okay. One of which is the panica. Now, that's me.

Why are you not opening? Article gone. Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen to this. There's four types of people in a crisis. Now, according to a recent study, there's the panica. There's the mother of the group.

No, I don't know. Look, you couldn't find your page you're looking for. Maybe it moved or maybe it never existed. You know who's going to help? Jet, GBT. The fighters, they take charge. Right, here's what we're doing, people. Fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

So it's fight, run, freeze. Panic, freeze up. Or cower down. Yeah, right. I would say I am freeze. Like, I remember I witnessed a huge car crash in front of me and I just, I panicked and I cried and I didn't know what to do. And I will say I turned to the man in the room.

You know what I mean? Yeah, right. It's like those war movies you say And they're all just like Oh That would be me Like scary I'm not going over that trench

I'm not going over a wall to But if someone needs help I'd like to think I've got it in me to Yeah I'd like to think I could yeah step up No not me If I got into a situation Like I was going to be tortured by

You know the Russian military or something I'd be like can you just kill me I'm tired I don't want to go through there I don't want to fight I don't want to fight you got me I'm done If you were captured or something

Yeah I know But I think this is what I want to hear from our listeners about how bad they actually reacted into crisis because I think when we're not in crisis we all like to think like you Fletch oh, I'll do a really good job or I'll step up or I'll step up Yeah yeah yeah

But probably you won't I've seen you squeal I've seen you panic No I would I think I'd be fine I think Vaughn you'd be all right Growing up on farm Maybe sometimes

I don't know It would depend Depending what it is. It's probably like running and then if someone was like their entrails were out I'd be like I don't know

and they're just like frozen for a bit I don't know I like to think I'd like to think I could step up but no guarantees because what's that French movie and got remade and Will Ferrell was in it and an avalanche was coming

and he like abandons his family and puts himself through. Not Will Ferrell. No Will Ferrell's in the American remake. Is he? Yeah, Will Ferrell was the cowardly father in that remake of that really famous movie about

yeah I'd probably abandon you guys if there was an avalanche, like every man for himself. Yeah. Yeah. There's another one as well with the tsunami thing and their person just like runs themselves and leaves their kids behind. Yeah.

It's cool. A 2014 film called Force Majure. Force Majure, that's it. A Swedish film where a father abandons his family during a seemingly real avalanche at a ski resort. And then it's all about how they deal with the fact that this father is like a coward and a family and they lose all respect for it.

Yeah, because none of them died. And then we're going to get back together and be like... Wait, they didn't die? No, no, no. It wasn't even in like a proper avalanche. No, no, no, but how we acted. Yeah. Okay, well, this is what we want to know this morning.

0800,000M, text through 9-696. How badly did you react in a moment of crisis? Four types of people in a crisis. We have, you know, been open about the fact that I would panic. You guys think you'd step up. But I want to know from our listeners how they actually responded in a moment of crisis or when something went wrong. So what are the four types again?

There's the... Fight. light, freeze and fern. No, fawn is like, cowering. Oh, I would have thought they would have fallen under freeze. That fix would be fight. Do you think so? Yeah, I would. Yeah, okay. Well, some messages in, you can text in 9-696. I'm a preschool teacher and during the Christchurch earthquake, it was very interesting seeing how each generation acted. Personally, I read the kids of the gruffalo and they told me, we'll look after you, too, miss. Oh, that's a little bit of a mutual. That's so cute. Was that, that was number one, the first

earthquake, right? Because that was during the day. No, second earthquake was during the day. First one was early, very early in the morning. I'm a police officer. 645. Sorry. Can we get a bicep shot? What? We've got an all points bulletin on some biceps.

They're in a blue shirt over. You love the polo in the biceps, don't you? I just think they are consciously tapering the sleeve. So that they are a little tight and they look strained around the biceps. If you want to figure out how you were acting a crisis, it's become a cop.

It's very obvious very quickly. Because they teach you, like, if you've got all the other... But do you think, like, you'd go to police college or you might do some ride-alongs, but until you're actually on the job and you see, like, I don't know... Well, it's like being an adult and looking around for another adult

and you realize you're the adult. You're the cop. You're the people who are looking to. I know. But then it's not till it happens. You're like, they see some horrible things. I've talked to friends that are cops, and it's like, the things they come across.

I was the same of the firefighters. They made it as a firefighter, and they had counseling and everything from the stuff we see. But they love the job. Okay, just, can I just, just parky, bucky. For the first responders. Yeah.

For the first responders. All of you. All of you. I saw three extremely hot paramedics yesterday. Did you walk past that? Loading somebody into an ambulance at the road. No, I didn't see that, Vaughn. Wait, are we creeping the...

To be heroes and hot. I know, that's a double H. They don't have the tapered sleeves, though, do they, St John's? No, they have a baggy sleeve, and I think we can get to that. I think we could fix it. I've got a sewing machine. We can fix that. Paramedics.

especially if you're hot, feel free to drop off your shirts to my house I will taper the sleeve for you. Somebody messaged and their mother was always a quiet meek lady. That's not a very nice way to describe your mum, but everybody knows the quiet meek lady. We came across a really bad car crash and mum sprung into action

I was so proud of her. She was like a superhero she was in her like lifting things that were very, very heavy. Wow, okay good that's cool, it's amazing. Mom had it in it all along. Someone said I was so good and onto it in a crisis actually. Car crash where the the car went down a small hill I parked up and jumped out of the car

ran down I was so fast I forgot to put my handbrake on so while I was helping this person I watched my car rolled down the hill into the ditch while helping I was the talk of the insurance company for a while yeah that's a pretty heroic insurance form you're filling out there so how did the accident happen well I was leaping to save a fellow

human I love that we're actually hearing and I'm open to this people who stepped up in a bloody crisis yeah um somebody said car crash happened right in front of me ordered husband to stop and overt traffic, attended the injured old lady who was in shock and had broken ribs and a collarbone, waited for ambulance. I just completed

my first aid course, so pretty good timing. Oh, wow. See, that just sounds like the power's gone to your head there when you did the work first aid course. Yeah, you've gone crazy. You've gotten a bit crazy. You've run into superhero mode. Your ambulance chasing. We're stopping traffic. It depends on the crisis. I've been awful and frozen

at times, yet when I was 14, my dad collapsed at home when my mum was at work and I called the ambulance, my sister got the neighbour. So I guess you do what you have to do when you don't have a choice. Yeah, totally. This is what, you know, when you were saying, like, what's the context? It's like, yes, are you seeing a stranger who's badly, barely hurt, or is someone

breaking into your house when your kids are in there? Because then you're like, I can imagine parent mode, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mother goose or mother duck? No, or mother hen. Mother hen? What's the most protective of the mothers? Octopus.

I'd say beer. Yeah, mama bear. Mama shark. Mama guala. I go mama koala mode. Yeah. When I feel danger. Are you going to give them chlamydia?

Oh, slow. It's a different type of chlamydia, the ones they have and the one that I had once. Being a teacher. Being a teacher and having to use an EpiPen, I mean, you get training and you never think you're going to have to do it, but you get this adrenaline kick in and you just whip out that needle and slam it into a kid's leg saving their life. Whoa. I kind of want to do an EpiPen.

Yeah. In your own leg? I could, I don't know if I could do it in my own leg. I'd be able to do it every morning at 4 o'clock if I was just work up and I'd be like, let's go, baby. Happy bear. Let's get to work. You come to work very awake.

Yeah, and then crash. Crash by the time we got to go on air. On my friend's wedding day, I dropped lipstick on the bride's dress right before we're about to walk down there. I froze, I panicked, I didn't know what to do. Thankfully, the bride's sister had a stain pen on her. Genius. Safe to say, if I was useless in that crisis, I'd be terrible in a real one.

Stain pen, we should have told, producer Shannon's not here today. She's off being a bridesmaid for the first time ever. That's a good thing in the kit. That's a great wedding hack. A stain pen. You literally, like, colour over a stain. Where do they, where do you get them from, the supermarket? I don't know.

No, they're a special order. Yeah, I think they're special order, hon. That's special order. I'm surprised you're not over a stain stick. Right, no, because I would love a stain stick. That's right up, you're right up. Because, you know, I'm bad with condiments on T-shirts. Yeah.

When I travel. Somebody said, my mum collapsed and smashed her a glass table. What? Oh, my gosh, the ACC. I know, when I was in elder teen, I screamed help. Mum's down. Call 911. And then turned and ran straight into.

a door that was shut and knocked myself out too terrible in a crisis my mum had a dog when I was seven seven years old she absolutely panicked didn't know what to do I marched down the person's driveway made him come and help and he wasn't keen because it was a farm dog and

because it was a farm dog he didn't care I'm sorry I should read him to that message that's sad but as a seven year old he's stepping up yeah it's good I did on CPR and a man when I was 20 and I saved him but his family wasn't even grateful well he's pretty a practical Then they finished their message with so I just wish I'd left him.

No, just because his family wasn't grateful. It doesn't mean deep down you should feel some satisfaction on, you know, saving a human's life. Would you expect like a little meal voucher or something from the family or a box of chocolates? Or some baking at the very least. You'd kind of go around and be like, hi guys. Hi, I'm here for my what, slice card? Happy to help. Parade.

Prayer circle. Just a thanks. Someone just messaged. I saved a five-year-old at my school who was choking on a bead. her lips had already gone blue and she wasn't breathing. Oh, my God. Surprisingly, I was very, very, very calm. Then I lost my shit when she started breathing again.

I was a mess. You know what I'm just like, mm, laser focus? Wow. Oh my God, I'm an ED nurse. I work in chaos. It doesn't phase me in the slightest. Oh, I love that. I love that.

Quite happy to run a full rescue. But I hate a personal crisis. Oh, wow, okay. It has to manifest itself somewhere, right? Yeah. Like, if you can just see these stressful situations and it doesn't affect you, it's got to be going in and going somewhere.

Yeah. And then, you know, your card declines at the shop and you burst into tears and plaques on the floor. Yeah, yeah. But you kept it together for your 12-hour shift in the ED. Yeah, yeah, that's enough. The Fletchborn and Haley, big pod. Yesterday, as I said yesterday in the show,

the only plans, Stranger Things, Season 5. Of course. All episodes that came out. There was four hours of content to watch. Goodness. Four episodes. And was it good? Volume one.

I really liked it. Did you watch all four? Yep. Wow. What are reviews saying? I haven't read any reviews. Who cares? I mean, if you like it, you like it, right?

Yeah, I don't know why you've been asked. Yeah. It's like when Star Wars stuff gets reviews, I'm like, I don't care what you think, nerd. I'm going to watch it anyway and really enjoy it because I like things. Wow, pot kettle black. But, yeah. Who are you calling a nerd? Oh, I know from one nerd to another.

It's our N-word, so we're going to say it. You're not. Just FYI, you're not. Okay. So watching Stranger Things. got up because, oh, I pencil later in the show because we've actually got something listed twice here. Oh, no, that's...

I'm going to be talking about my folks a little bit later in the state in which I found them yesterday afternoon. Okay, so is that your folks? Just go sprawl break. Because now that I live with them, this is almost one a day. When am I going to tell everybody about my pizza hack? Probably never.

I don't reckon it's that good. I'll give me a quick version. Fletch was staying quiet on this. But he doesn't feel that good. Save it. I'll save the pizza hack. Sit on that. For a moment of desperation, I think.

It was during that pizza. Stay tuned to find out more. Or don't. I was in the kitchen and I saw the septic tank. If you're a long time listening to the show, you'll remember my favorite way to spend $20,000 last year. Oh, yeah, that's right. I was having to upgrade my septic system.

The light was flashing. Just remind me why you wanted to live in the middle of nowhere again? Peace and quiet. Okay. I hope it's worth it. Is it peaceful? How's the peace? No, there's not a lot of time.

Is it quiet? Some days. Yeah, right. It's not a stress-free though. Hey, at least it's provided that lovely stress-free lifestyle. You're right. Sure has. We've fixed that spa yet?

Nah. Right. Why not? Is that ka-ching? Oh, lots of kitching. Yeah, right. So the light's flashing on the septic tank, and I'm like, well, that's not supposed to happen. Yeah.

So I go out and the little alarms going, E-. My neck clicks. And it says, too full. Like, left high level, I'm like, well, that's no good. Barley belly. It's barley belly. It's the barley belly.

Have you been filling that thing up with your... Or you've been chucking your tampons down there? I don't know, there's no tampons in there. Okay. Everybody knows the rules. What goes down the toilet at our house? Because I've stayed at some places with septic tanks and like Airbnbs and they'll have a big notice.

Like don't throw anything. Don't put your synergy. I need Tis and P's down the toilet. A septic tank at a place that was a sometimes Airbnb and people had flushed tea towels. What? Tea towels. You know you've had a bad crap when you have to use a teetail to clean yourself. And then flush it to hide the evidence.

Hide the sins. But whoever cleans out the septic tanks. So it's too high. I'm like, this has happened before. And I was like, I'll clean out the filter. Here's the thing if you're about... Wait, so there's a filter on a septic tank. Yeah, because it comes out.

It goes through all of its... No, no, no. The filters is at the end. So it goes through the tank and it goes the solids and then a few more segments and then the last one's just the liquid. The last one's just the liquid. There's the macerator. That's a little bit different. So the liquid is the end

And that goes out into the purple pipes And goes out into the garden Right At a fairly low poo Yeah Just this one fact alone Is why I'll never live in the country And have

What do when you're in a city apartment You poop, you flush it away And you think not again of it Yeah But having to clean a filter of a poo tank That I'm sorry But I'm just going to live in the city I'm happy with that

You're going into our poo tank You've got a poo tank I've got a macerator Right, okay. To loo lead up a poo blender. Because she lives in a place with old pipes and the human poos have got bigger and the pipes can't keep up.

That's evolution. That's evolution, man. We're shitting bigger than ever. Okay, great. We are pooping. Fibrous, I don't know what's purpose. Because corn's got bigger. Yeah, corn's got bigger.

Because we're pumping it full of hormones. Yeah, yeah. Everything's got hormones. I actually do cage-free corn. Do you? Oh, that's actually really brave. It's more expensive. It's braver.

Yeah, it is. So anyway, the filters, I'll be like, the filter will need to be cleaned out. And so I grabbed the little tool to loosen it and I loosen it, but I forgot I've not turned off the tank. So it's actively trying to pump through the filter that I'm undoing. And as I go crank and undo it, wouldn't you guess Murphy's law?

Because, you know, when you're slowly undoing something, it chooses the weakest part of the seal and squirts out there. So at about, I would guess, no more than a 15 to 20 degree angle, that the weakest part of the seal, shoot it right in the face. And what would you describe it as? That's disgusting. Well, it's the water at the end of the treatment cycle. So it's going to go on to the garden,

but I sure as hell wouldn't do anything else with it. No, no, you certainly wouldn't drink it at all, no. Wait, so when we eat your fruit from your trees, we're eating in some way your poop soil. The Fiji is yes, Fijio is yes, but I don't eat those. It goes into no other fruit. It mostly just grows the grass. The other trees and stuff, but not the fruiting trees.

Right. Again, it's a no fruit. for me for living in the country. So what? So into the face? Yeah. What do you do? Well, did you have your glasses on? Yep. Well, that's slucky. Pink fly.

It went in your mouth, yuck. No, it didn't go in my mouth because my mouth was shut. But it was around. And you know, whenever something goes around your mouth, you've got to give the... Just to be it. And keep doing that until you get to some water where you can... And get the sleeve and wipe. Yark.

That's disgusting. How deep was the scrub afterwards? Oh, deep scrub. Yeah, facial scrub. Deep scrub. Scrub, facial scrub. If I was able to shave my beard off. Really?

Just because of rigid. I ought to shave my head off. Yeah. Gross. Play Z-N's Fletchhorn and Haley. Fletch Fawn and Haley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly, silly, silly that a silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole

Silly little pole Today's Silly Little Pole It's all thanks to Mick Cafe Morning Rush, keep the show on the road with great coffee Would you like to be a social media influencer Would you want to be a social media influencer? That is a question, silly little pole Having done a small amounts of it over the years

It's really arduous Like it's really hard It's very time-consuming if you want to do it right Yeah, and if you're consciously trying to grow yourself, there's like timings and stats and insights and da-da-da. It's a whole science. The TikTok Awards were on recently. Did you want? Was it last night?

Yeah, I entered. It was the night before. It was the night before last. Right. And I was looking to see who was New Zealand creator of the year. And it went to this lovely guy, Louie. And I was like, what the hell, man? I mean, I last posted six months ago.

It had 16,000 views The numbers are unreal And you missed out Yeah Robbed Not even nominated for the TikTok award Didn't win the screen award That you were nominated for last week

I've posted 10 times in three years What more do they want I'm exhausted I'm not a content machine I mean on Instagram You recently did do a post about whan And it had millions of views Yeah I reckon we chucked a bit of money behind it But we I think that the company I worked with

Right. Yeah, millions of views, but on the TikTok Awards, snubbed. Snubbed, yeah. Okay, well, Ben said, oh, I know, I didn't have him given you the results. 87% of people said no. Yeah, good. 13% said yes. Get nice free moisturizers and stuff.

Oh, yeah. Ben said, only if I could do it without compromising any of my values or time. No, it's a no for you then, Ben. That's a no. But I probably want to give me free shit without me having a lie, then why not? You don't lie Don't do Don't lie

Get the occasional free t-shirt Also you get a bit of Flack as well Depending on who Because when you did that Tourism Israel post Yeah

The flack I received Fletch I'm still paying for it Don't go looking on Reddit What they're saying About me over there They're coming for me Oh that stuff like that

Like you see people posting They're like Oh did you know That company uses orangutan oil And you're like Oh I didn't know that I don't even know

How are they milking these orangutans for their oils? I don't even know. I know. So oily, though. Man, those things. You know what? Speaking of which, our next reply, and I'm just straight, I've pre-read this. This is definitely going to win the voucher today.

Ashley said, I'm a delicate little snowflake who would crumble if even one person was mean to me. So that's a hard no. Yeah. Yeah. You posted something recently and got a bit of, like. Your people are so mean. You've got to have a tough skin, I think, to be an influencer. Yeah.

And to have influenza. left up your tourism Israel post as well. I've left it. I'll stand by the work that I put up. I don't. It's not. Don't go looking for it. It doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist. That's your Mick Cafe voucher winner. Yes. Okay. Lovely. Thanks to Mick Cafe. We've got a $50 voucher for you. I've already read it out.

I've already. Did you? Sorry. I was really. Don't air check him. He's doing a good job. Logan said my Instagram's set to private and I refuse to get TikTok and I'm not an entertaining person.

I'd like to be paid to travel and take photos, though. Is that or not? Yeah, but you can't be on private. But even travel, I know a friend that does travel influencing and just everywhere they go, they're not enjoying the holiday, they're making videos and then at night time when they want to be relaxing and maybe having a ma-ta by the pool, they've got to be editing of days worth of content. But then a lot of time they get stuff for free.

So, I mean, I guess if you want to travel for free and you've got an audience, it might be a good idea. Yeah, but like you say, you're not putting up your feet and, you know, reading a book. You've got your phone, you're filming. Tanya said, I'm normal and boring as F. I could probably said shed some light on what it's like to be average. None of this fake perfect life stuff. I love that.

That would be good. Lou said sounds effing awful, all that effort being on when I want to not be on. Yeah, good call. This is nice. We're a community of smart people said Ben when he referred to 87% of people saying no. I don't have the lips for it, says Jamie. The lips.

Do you need influence the lips? Yeah, you duck lips. You just pump him up. Babes. Believe in yourself. Taylor said I'll influence. Bad influence. They're a bad influence. Yeah. They're a bad influence. I love watching them, but I don't think I could do it, as they don't seem to have a bad day

and I have many, many bad days, says Natasha. That's the whole thing about social media. No one's putting up their bad day. Yeah. Well, that's not. Okay. Anya said, I tried for my upcycling business, but it was never able to make it work, so barely have any followers. Splodge NZ, if anybody wants to follow. Splodge, N, they upcycle things.

Yeah, it's like lodge with, SP on the front. Splodge. Not Sploge, Z. Very different. Oh, that's a very different website, that one. Splodge. You know what, Splodge, NZ.

You just got a red-hot follow. What do they do? What are they doing on there? Upcycling clothes, taking things and then putting like cool little, like cutting out other bits of stuff and adding them to hoodies. This is absolutely. Look at this ACDC1. That's absolutely up my alley, Splodge, NZ. That's really cool.

83 followers, that's a crime. More for Splodge. Follow. More for Splodge. More for Splodge. Justice for Splodge. So we asked, would you want to be a social media influencer today for the silly little poll? And 87% of you said, no, thank you.

The ZM Podcast Network, play ZM's Flesh, Forne, and Haley. The first four Eps of the new season of Stranger Things is out the last? Yeah, volume one of season five, binged them all last night. I like it, I like he. I'm liking. So it was four hours of Stranger Things basically. No, the last one was an hour and a half. Oh, wow.

Actually, it might have been four and a half hours. The first two were maybe just under an hour, and then the third was an hour and something, and I feel like the fourth was an hour and a half. We started when August got home from school and finished at like 9.30. We, like, had little... That's so fun, though.

Yeah, it was awesome. Well, within minutes of the show being released worldwide, website Down Detector, which is the website you go to if you want to check if a website's down or it's just your Wi-Fi. I mean, my Grindrinder went down recently. It was a mess. A lot of websites are with the cloud fleeting down. But they tracked more than 14,000 reports of Netflix outages

within the 24 hours around the release. And yet a lot of people on social media saying that they couldn't watch it. It basically crashed Netflix. Which considering how much they paid for it, you'd be pissed off. So do you know that I've put it into New Zealand dollars? So apparently, and I will just quickly say on that matter, Netflix had increased its bandwidth by 30% specifically to avoid this scenario. Really?

Because they knew people would be flooding there. And it still overwhelmed their systems. Isn't that crazy? They did what they could, I guess. How long was it down for? It was different for everybody. Yeah, right. People kind of trickling back in.

People like, I've waited three years for this, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, because we were talking about their movie length episodes. Like, they're absolutely incredible. The whole season, in New Zealand dollars, 838 million bucks. We're close to a billion dollars. Wow. It's $480 million US dollars for just season five.

The marketing's been massive. Per episode, it's around $60 million US dollars. Oh, my God. Yeah, the sets and stuff are huge, and some of them are pretty obviously green screen. The weirdest part is at one stage you're at the top of a radio tower, and that's really obviously green screen, but then they're in like this custom-built set in the upside-down.

I'm like, that would have done that. Could you not have just found a radio tower? Yeah. So you'd like today, you recommend good season? Yeah, yeah, I love strength. I have loved the whole thing. And like I said, there's a massive amount invested in the fact that my daughter and I love it.

It's like when I rewatch Lord of the Rings with her for the first time and she just adds so much more when you've got someone to watch it with. I've banked it all up. I just need to get through all of Shortland Street first. And then I'll change the same as next. You'll never catch Shorten Street. The ZDM Podcast Network.

What's going on? ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley. Vaughn, could we get some kind of invested a good of music. Yeah, dude. We took a Pink Panther theme. Wow, that's classic, but some kind of crime music. Yeah, that would be lovely. What do you want? We have a crime on our hands. In invocardial,

someone, and you talked about this yesterday, right, Vorni? That someone has been dropping turds at the pool. Code browns at a rapid rate. We're talking daily, and sometimes twice a day. Yeah. We're getting these. This is an invocargo.

Hit my orcs. Were there 50 hours of of pool closures because of code browns. Because I've been at the pool when they've had to shut it down when there's Code Browns and yeah, they do their chuck a bucket of chlorine in

and no one can swim in there. And they're all good. They've got to do a certain they've got to do a certain regiment before the words deemed safe again. This has happened before and I wonder if they're back the phantom...

You think it could be the phantom pooper. The phantom pooper. When was that it was like was it a decade ago? No, no, it wasn't that long ago. Didn't we name her? Didn't we find her?

Or am I thinking about the American? No, the poop jogger. The poop jogger. That was the future they found her out. Because back in the day it was they were popping up to Queenstown as well. Yeah, they were Queensland and Invercargo and it was, they were calling them the Phantom Pooper. And then it just stopped. You know what?

You're not wrong. It was 2015. Yeah. Happy anniversary. Invercaggle's pool pooper remains at large. And do you know what? Because I watch a lot of true crime and, you know, cop shows and stuff. Whenever there's like something that just starts happening again,

they're always like, check who went to prison for the last 10 years? Who was just released? Who was just released? Check the list. 100%. And you know, because maybe they've been away overseas or something. Or they've been locked up and now they're back. Well, I was in the cargle recently. Did not visit the pool.

It is not me. This is not my confession. Get my name off the list. And the vibe was on the street, one of suspicion. You know, people are walking around eyes. You know, there's no trust. There's unsettled energy. You've got an alibi.

I've got an alibi. Because you've been away. You haven't been in Invercagal for the whole month. And also my other alibi is, you know, publicly we've both suffered from Barley Belly. My turds wouldn't float. They'd sort of dissipate through the water and that's it. Not me.

No, you were not yet returned to solid ground. Well, we have found a list of every person in Invercagal. That's right. And we want to clear the names of those who can, you know, tell us that it's not there. We have every single name of invicago So if you... What if somebody lies to us, so...

We're good at... We can pick that out. Okay. So what we need now is... And for those that aren't in Invercagal listening, if you know someone in Invercagal, this is how you can help. We want you to text your friend

or person you know in Invercagal and say, are you the person leaving Code Browns in the public swimming pool? Yeah. And then if they say no, you text us in with their name and we'll cross them off the list. Ali's got the list. Now, the population of Invercogues is actually quite last.

So this could take some time. How many people? Because this is stacks of paper on this. Yeah. The list is extensive. We've got 57,000, 9-100,000, so 58,000 people on this list. So we've got to clear the names up. I don't know what else is.

To get it down to one. Right. Okay. So if you're in Invercargo, we also need you to clear your name. Oh, 800,000, M. You can text in 9-6-96. And we're going to clear your name. We'll just take you off the list.

We'll just read them out as soon as they say. So if you're in Invercargo, 9-6-9-6-6. Just yet first and last name, we'll get you off the list. Yeah. Unless you are the pooper. Well, we'll get down. We'll find out who it is. We'll whittle this down.

We'll cross off Alex Lerosa. She's not the pooper. That's under, is this organised by surname or last, or Christian name? Last name. Okay, so he's flicking through to R-O-R-O. Alex La Ro-O-S. She's not the pooper. She's not the pooper.

The pooper would, of course, say, I'm not the pooper. They would. Can we believe? Jordan McHow, not the pooper. Not my kids. Eli and Lily. So I'm in LaRosa. Diane Mitchell, under M for Mitchell.

My T-Chi. I would have said Diane Mitchell from Invercgle. What's the purpose? I'm good to see her name. Good to cross that off. Oh, see, Laura's message and saying Allison, who's my Uber driver from Invercargo, would never. Okay, so Allison.

But we don't have a last name, so we can't look her up on the Uber database. Well, I'm just going to write down an extra column of, I'll just put Allison Uber. My name's Julian Lyons. It's not me. Okay. Gillian Lyons? Not the Pooke. That's our lines, L-I-N-A-L-A-N-E.

Not my cousin's family. Wait, how many did you say that we're in Invercago? I'll get out the calculator just for a quick update. 58,000. Lia Sutherland, not her, Haley, if you're crossing them off. Not Leah. Crossing them off. Beck Mewa, not Apua.

Daniel Sinclair, not the Puppet. Now that is the name of someone I would suspect. He was on my suspects list. Was he? Well, he's... Okay. Now, how many is that? 11?

12? Yeah, we've crossed off at least a dozen so far. Actually, my workmate, Ollie Stevens, told me he's pooped in a pool before, so I'd put him on a short list of guilty. We'll put him on the suspects list. Don't cross out him. Olly Stevens. Okay, so that lays 47,988 more suspects.

I just want to apologize when I crossed off someone, not my cousin's family. Sorry, it's not the cousin's family. Cousins is their last name. So that's, that whole cousin's family. Every person with the surname cousins, you can speak for. A whole cousins category here in Impecada. We are, however, now receiving a subset of messages with people

who want to start us a short list of suspects. Okay. Daniel Haitana is on the list of suspects. Why is he on the suspect? It just came through in capital letters. Okay. All right. Well, you know, we do take any kind of I guess like the tip line. Yes. Tip line. If you do want to just, you know,

tip off somebody, if you do think they've been acting suspect lately. Oh, 800 dial Z&M. Maybe they're a regular at the pool. Gianna Rose Hamilton, she said, you can check my Splash Planet membership I've ever made for ages. Someone's picking holes What if the pooper gets a friend

To clear his name with you guys There's a floor in the plan No no but I feel like the friend would know The friend's kind of vouching for in Georgia Who's filling in this morning On the production desk The production line You've got some information

Guys I've got some mates down there And I've tried to call them All three of them All ignoring me And this isn't normal That are at the pool right now I think they're at the pool Okay what are their names

We need to accuse Carl McKenzie We also need to accuse Laura Dowling And we need to accuse Laura wouldn't do that Well she might though She's a big fan of you guys too So she wouldn't want to put a mud in her name Okay

And who's the other one? And the other one We will let him away with it But Angus Larson He has moved to slightly outside of Invikago So I think he's fine He's out of the boundary I don't know

Because I've got Larson in front of me Larsen comma Angus He's off the list Oh he's off the list Off the list. Okay, well, if you can clear a suspect. Oh, someone just... This is crazy.

We'll keep this going, but someone just texting, this is how serious it is. They're dobbing in their own son. I believe it is my son Nixon Hayes. Wait, so they are... This is like when sons and drugs and the mum calls the cop. Oh my God, I haven't had enough.

I've tried to get him to stop pooping in that pool and he won't, so he's up on handing him over. I have stood by him for years. I will not continue to do this Nixon. We are on the trail of the Phantom Pooper and Invercago. Splash, what's it called? Splash. Planet.

Planet. Planetarium. Waterworld. You can have a soak and then look through a telescope. A news story that there have been, in the last month, many instances of pull closures because of Phantom. Code Browns. Code Browns.

Code Browns. A Phantom pooper. Now, currently, thanks to people texting and clearing entire families, off the list of 58,000 people who live in Invacagal, I've so far cleared the names of 2,237. Fantastic. Now, we're working tirelessly behind the scenes because if you know someone in Invercargo,

you need to ask them if it's them. And if it's not, we'll clear them off the list, text in their name. We're also doing a subset of possible suspects. I'll say a couple of votes for Daniel Haitana. Jack Trelaw, also, we're watching you. Okay, we're watching. It might have to get a bug on his car.

On Jack's car? Hell you do it. Yeah, we might have to. We can slide under at night and attach it underneath with a magnet. Go to J.K.R. Electronics. And Nixon, I mean, Nixon, if your mother is going to dobb in you. Yeah, that's a name of a pool pooper, isn't it?

Kyle McKenzie joins us now from Invercago. Good morning, Kyle. Yeah, good morning, good morning. I'm glad to hear you're taking this as seriously as we are. It's a bit of a reverse of how we solve a crime. I mean, the New Zealand police should probably do this. Sort of a deduction method. A deduction method of solving a crime. Kyle, are you wanting to clear your name?

It's not you. Oh, I'd love to clear my name, yeah. There's allegations spreading around, and yeah, I'm more than happy to get my name cleared, actually. Okay. Even though you're a plumber, I believe. I am indeed a plumber, yeah. You've seen it or two on your time. I deal with a weebit at my time, yeah, and I don't really like to bring that into the week in.

Okay, because I'll leave it at work. I'm just going to say I've known some glass people to smash some windows and then fix them. Oh, so, yeah, but the plumber's not in charge of cleaning up the pool at the pool. Absolutely not. No personal gain here. Not my job at all. Okay. I'm just going to say, Kyle, we've had a message in now, number ending 7-6-1, that Kyle McKenzie. I'd be worried about that one. So who do we believe here, Kyle? Who do we believe? Like I said, there's allegations are spreading far and wide, but I'm really happy to clear my name and my whole family's name would be. Yeah, yeah, clear.

Have you been, McKinsey's? In Vicago for the entire month of November, Kyle? Uh, no. Oh, okay. I've been to Queensland a couple times and up to watch some cricket in Dunedin as well. We might have to get photographic evidence of you in Queensland. I love eyes only as good as it's proof. Yeah, we can probably rule out Kyle by the sounds of it.

That's fantastic. Are you happy for me to scrub off Kyle and the entire McKenzie family off the list? Yeah, please, yeah. No, Kyle, I'm not asking you. You're the suspect. None of us. There's been a lot of McKenzie's down there because, you know, settled by the Scots.

They made themselves right at 100 in the Scots and the Irish. McKenzie, the life. McKenzie country. Yeah, because if I cross off all of the McKinsey's, that takes our total to 3,407. Down. Kyle McKenzie, thank you very much. I'm happy we can cross them off the list.

He's out of us in Vicaragua for a while. Said it's not the breans, the barrels or the cellwoods. The whole family, you're just vouching for the whole family? Because, you know, it's always like people find things out about their family later in life, don't they? They're like, oh my God, Dad had a whole other family. It's like, how did you not know? I know.

Just so he was away for work. My uncle, Brett Muir, who lives in Gore, would absolutely travel to invoccarb to poop in the pool. I think you best put him on the suspect list. That is Brent Muir. Okay, on the suspect list. And also Brody Kay, aka, they call him the Phantom Dumber. He's been doing this since you know.

Oh, okay. In a pool or just in toilets. Brody K. That's disgusting. My daughter has applied to be a life. guard at that pool, she's going to withdraw her application until the fan to poop is going, and you know what, it is her right to do so. Imagine that's

your summer job, they're like, okay, fish it out, fish it out. What if it's the life, what if it's the lifeguard? Because every time the pool gets shut down, they're just getting paid for nothing. They get a break. Smokko. Smokko, sit back. Having a vaping. Yeah, okay. We'll put all of them on it. Put

all the staff on the list. Harrison Aiken, who's 19 years old and Mvacogel, he wants to be cleared. Okay, we can do that. He's got an alibi to his workmate, Eddie. No, he said it workmate idiot is in fact the pooper And he's very sorry for what he's done So I'm putting workmate Eddie on the list

Yeah Just just if we could all just stop pooping in the pool I will say our top suspects All men Yep Yeah Warwick Lowe He's dedicated to raising the profile of Invercargo

So wouldn't be surprised if it's him Just trying to get a Oh just a headline Any news is good news Well it's worked hasn't it I will say do you remember that jogger That Phantom Jogger was a woman Yes

So I don't think we should roll out all the women Someone stopped in their sister Vicky saying I don't think she'd poop but she might have peed We're letting that go We're letting that go This is not our battle Everybody pays in the pool

Everybody pays in the pool What am I going to get out? Please don't get out What am I getting out Pulling off my wet togs as if It's a bit yuck Get a grip Just doing a little bit

Well we've whittled the list down Thank you so much for your messages Do we end it there or do we We haven't gone to the bottom of it I think we should pause For the fact of the day And I'll take stock I'm going to keep you know

Feel free to keep texting in 966 clearing your name and I'll keep crossing it off the list. We'll see how we've gone. Fact of the day is next and it's temperatures this week. Yep. The ZM Podcast Network Play ZM's Fleshhorn and Haley. Just

I'm nearly at 10,000 off the list. Okay. And you can tell I've been working hard at that. We just want to say that Zach Muir is known to be the gore pull-pooper. That's not our battle today. That's no. We're an invoccal. We're trying to get to...

No, we've been hired by Invercargle. County Council to get this solved. If you've just joined us, there is a phantom pool pooper. In the last month, 30 plus incidents of Code Browns at the swimming pool. And so we have the list of 58,000 residents in Vimbakow and slowly crossing them off the list.

But also developing a short list. Riley and Alice the Smith need to be on the suspect list. Father and daughter duo. They could be taking shifts. Oh, yeah. Beautiful way to bond with a father and daughter. Yeah. By closing down the local swimming pool. So we've got Riley, we've got Warwick, we've got

Broider Nixon, names really popping out for me. That's just a shit bag name that one, isn't it? Daniel, Daniel Hightana, Eddie, Jack. You're all on the suspects list. I'm not clearing your name just yet. All right, it's time for Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day, Day, day, day.

So it's been temperature week, and today we're going to pop down to Antarctica. Or as the Americans call it, Antarctica. Antarctica. You've missed a whole tea, Antarctica. Antarctica. It has the biggest temperature mood swings on earth.

Moody. Yeah, it's a moody little... Worse than me this morning. God, Haley gave in this morning. It was so funny. I wasn't even at work and I got a message. Well, I've had enough of today already. I'm a effing sick of today already.

Haley came in 23 a.m. I hate my bag. I hate my jacket. I hate my bag. I'd drop my dress. Brick bottle three times this morning. Man, I was raging. Periods a couple of days later.

It's just like, release me from this prison. Please. Release your inhibitions. Parts of Antarctica get surprisingly warm. So just in Antarctica on sun-exposed, dark rocks, gets to about 15 degrees, warmed up by the rocks. Okay. And that will melt the water around the rocks.

I don't need to tell you guys. We've seen massive melts in the polar ice. caps of late. Metal services and equipment sometimes exceeds 20 degrees in summer because the sun's up for so long. Oh yeah, right. So it's a slow heat. The Antarctic Peninsula, that's that bit that points out towards South America. Parts of that have got up to uh, uh, hola. Hola. Hola, papecookies Puppie. Kisses, baby. Kisses for you, baby. I gotta go to work, but afterwards you'll get kisses, puppy. 17 degrees up there, but continent's all time record high. What do you think it is? Uh, 24. 18.3.

That sucks. That's balmy for a polar ice cap, right? I don't mind in 18. So high summer sun, 24 hours of daylight, dark rock absorbs the heat and holds it, and the cold air is dry. So without the moisture, because that's what takes in human places, that's why temperature sits a bit more consistency because the moisture in the air holds it. And it's a very dry air, so it can go up and down very quickly. Right. It also holds the record for the coldest recorded temperature at the Vostok Station in 1983.

negative 89.2 degrees Celsius. No thanks. Since then there have been satellite measurements of up to negative 93 degrees on the ridges of East Antarctica. That is so cold. That is so cold. Steel becomes brittle.

Like you can break steel easier because it's so cold. Yeah. Yum. Oh, like a peanut brittle. Remember that one we had? Yeah, yeah. Batteries die instantly.

Rubber. Oh yeah, I've noticed. Like when you go, if you go hiking or you climb mountains and you go high, your phone drains super. Oh, I didn't know that. At days at the snow, the minute your phone gets cold, your battery just starts plummeting.

And your breath can crystallize and fall as ice just normally breathing. So it's much warmer than you'd think, and parts of Antarctica, and also holds the record for the coldest place on the planet. They both tap in their watches at me, telling me time. It's thought it's time to wrap up. Fact of the day, day, day, day.

I do-D-D-D-D-D-D-Dip-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-T-D-T-D-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-E-T-T-E-N-T-E-N-T-ROW. Thank you so much to everybody that's text in throughout the morning, our suspect list of 58,000 Invercargall-Poopers. I feel like this person, we need to run a number check because they're admitting it but I feel like they are using a false name. Oh, okay. Marshall Sayer, 43, I'd like to admit that I've done it a few times in the past week. Sorry to me and the kids would want to go to the pool

but couldn't hold it in or try my best to stop. Now that sounds like a stitch up. That sounds like a stitchup. That sounds like someone's having a stitch up of old Marshie. Now Marshall Sayer, I'm going to cross you off the list. How many people have we crossed off? We crossed off 15,706. Okay, wow.

So two in the cargo local police You are welcome that we've whittled it down from 58,000 To that number Do you know what I reckon we've scared them too Yeah Scared them shitless And also Laura Dowling who was

Numerous people texting in Cleared Okay but Al-Dowling Her daughter Al-A-Dowling Not as a sister or daughter It's a relative Not quite clear Okay well thank you

We'll leave that with us And we'll pass it on to local authorities People saying we've actually As a trio done quite a good job up here with the crime crime watch I worked at Invercargo pool when it happened

if you need help that sounds like the person returned to the scene of the crime doesn't it? Yeah like arsonous there why would I put in a pool but they're getting the kick out of it

We need to get them to go to a phone box And we'll call them I'm going to put them on the suspect Yeah Okay Okay Hey so weekend's coming ahead But I'll say the Sprouse

Accidentally Partied early yesterday Of course they did Here's what they did They went out to the beach Man, it was hot in Auckland yesterday. It was the hottest November on record. Awesome.

Cool, man. It feels so good. Yeah. Feels good to say. Yeah, so they tottered off to the beach and I was heading out to a shoot. So they went first and then I locked up the house and left. I'm on a shoot.

They message me and mum saying, whoopsie dopsy, I've locked myself out. Because they left, Ryan, didn't take their house king. How funny is it that our parents have become our children? Yeah, they're babies. We're in an age where we start needing to look after them. a little bit. You're going to have to wipe their bum soon. Yeah, I'll do it. Mom told me I'd have to put a pillow

over her face before that. She'd hold it over her face. You've got a weird arrangement. Really hard. Yeah, you'll have got one of those in place as well. Just despite what she's screaming when she's under there, don't let go. That's the, that's dark as hell. I think that's cool being the executor of the will. I think it's called, isn't it called Parenthide or something?

That sounds cool. It's called a crime born. It's called murder. Perindiciders that can and you spray them in the face with it and it kills them. No, that's pesticide. Matt's best to sign. I will kill them if you spray enough though. Yeah, totally. Might need a few cans.

We're not there with my parents. It's going to my mum, Jesus. This got real dark. I got really dark, didn't it? Well, what are you supposed to do, like, existentially crisis about the fact that one day we're not going to have our parents anymore? Don't even stop!

I'm saying, no, I'd rather joke about having to smother my mother with a pillow. Well, this is the lovely thing, right, is my parents are in their 60s. Now, they're living with me. I have the joy of it. And I say that genuinely. My mom's fixing your bloody t-shirt flesh. Oh my God. Yeah, I know I feel bad about saying

Are they bleeding Australia with their gold card In public transport? Okay, no, I'd get Patsy to get off the machine today I'll leave that hole in your t-shirt. Thank you, Patsy. So they text me while I'm on set And I can't leave. Uh-oh, any spare keys around?

We've locked ourselves out. Oh, my God. I don't know how you don't have one of those Keypad entry door things. No. I don't know. It wouldn't quite fit with the aesthetic of me. I live in a villa, darling.

I live in a villa, darling. I live in an 1800s villa. Yeah. Yeah, but then you'll avoid. this darling i'm not having a little metal black and grey keypad not on the front of the house and then the back of the house is um by fold doors you can't put them on oh you can't don't be disgusting i'll get a fake rock no one will know no one will know how will they know especially if you get um like a hundred fake rocks

that's actually genius there wait no i'll be bloody home by the time they figure it out trouble is you'll be pissed at 2 a.m just like oh it's a fake rock is it shaking rocks yeah So they text me and they say Well, what time are you home Because we're locked out And I was like, dude Not for like another hour and a half Till I can even leave set

And I'm a 30 minute drive away as well So you've got a couple of hours, sprouts Oh does the name have a no no no no You're on your own mum said fine We'll sit on the deck and talk Heaven forbid after 35 years of marriage What have you got left to say? Nothing

So they've been with each other all day So it's not like they can catch up each other on How is your day? Well, you were here the whole time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so, mum, I come home, right, and I hear giggling on the deck. And I think, well, that's all right.

They're in positive spirit. Yeah. Are they fooling around back there? No, they're not falling around on my deck. There's cameras on that thing. They wouldn't. They wouldn't dare. Right in their warehouse.

No, no, no, they're giggling. And that's when I come around the corner and I see cans. I see quite a few empty cans. Oh, yeah. And what they've done. is realise that I've got a big garage, two doors and a little person door. That's been unlocked for however many months. Okay, great, yeah.

So that's good to know. You should tell everyone on the radio. Well, it's locked now, isn't it? You should tell everyone that it's, okay, it's locked now, yeah, good. It's bloody locked now, you know that. What they discovered is that was open. So they went into the garage and thought, what's in here that we could use to entertain ourselves.

Yeah. And what was in there was a fridge that had cans of margaritas in it. And I came home and my parents were half bloody cans. having down these cans of margaritas and that's how they chose to pass their time yesterday. I love that. I love that. I know. It's like, what are you guys doing?

They're like, oh, we bloody found in the fridge. You've left some living margaritas in the bloody thing. The apple does not fall far from the tree. No. So the apple's sort of a clone of the trees. I know. Yeah, the tree is quite a small tree and with the exact same apple.

See you, see you later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suezzi Kato's a very good friend of mine. Well, she's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her, I'll review her five stars.

Yeah. If she does the same for this podcast. Yeah. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well. Play ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley.