ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - September 26th 2025

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

On today's episode of the Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Big Pod, Hayley's parents are coming to NZ very soon and will be living with her... So, we asked what went wrong when living with your parents? Hayley was a pub quiz question Top 6 - Ironic MP names BYO Bar SLP - Do you schedule 'Adult fun times'? What your favourite font says about you Chicken drumstick ice cream Hayley's skating progress What went wrong when living with your parents? Sit at a bar September The most insane yarn you will ever hear What did you do before going to the hospital? Fact of the day Quick little poll - Do you use your phone while driving? HONEST ANSWERS ONLY Hayley is cool with Gen Alpha See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZDM Podcast Network This is Fleshwood and Haley's Big Pod Brought to you by Chemist Warehouse The Biggest Brands at the lowest prices ZDM's Fleshworn and Haley Thank you, Bryn. Good morning, Fletchhorn and Haley, welcome to the show. Happy Friday.

Happy Friday. You've got some good yarns for us today on the show. Man, do I what? I messaged the group chat being like, oh God, I saw I didn't do much prep last night. I was a little bit busy, but man, I have got the yarn of the century. Okay. When I was told this yarn last night, and if she's listening now,

she'd be like, oh my God, I cannot believe you're doing this. Okay, eight o'clock. When I was told this yarn last night, I said I think that might be one of the best yarns I've ever been told. Little Warren, you haven't run this past us. Well, I just want you to hear it in the way that I heard it. Yeah, right. Okay, well, eight o'clock for this apparent yarn of the century.

But when you've got the top six coming in soon? Yeah, we were just having a good chuckle. about the fact that the Minister of Energy and Resources in New Zealand, the Minister of Energy, his name is Simon Watts. Perfect. Watts. That's a measurement of power. We see, we did this, was it last week or the week before?

Does your name match your job? Oh yeah. Did we? Yeah. I don't remember, yes. Was I away? You might have been when I was away. It might have been when I was away.

Well, I got the top six other New Zealand ministers. Yeah. It was the hamburger, the McDonald's. Shut up! It was the McDonald's. Oh, that was months ago. Who... No, it wasn't.

It was... It was within the last month. Yeah. Mm-mm. Shut up, Vaughn! Can you check that? Can you check it? Can you check if it was months ago?

Does your name job? God, Friday, bloody attitude from the bridges. No one barking at women telling them to shut up. Yeah, so I got the top six other New Zealand ministers that names suit there. He's writing it as... He's typing it as he... says it. Yeah, nice.

Are the New Zealand ministers that name suit their portfolios? Love this. It was the 3rd of September. Months ago. It wasn't. Within this month. Yeah, it was.

It was literally three and a bit weeks ago. Are you in a time vacuum? Time is a construct. I don't adhere to your rules. I'm a sovereign citizen. I don't need a driver's those ins. Next on the show. A big day for me yesterday.

Got a little DM. I believe Vaughan you also got a DM. It's an exciting moment in my career. Play ZM's Flashborn and Haley. I don't know why this really tickles me so much. Because I mean, I'm an award winner. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to win awards.

But I was the answer of a quiz yesterday. Well, I was adjoined to the answer of a quiz. And I got a DM yesterday being like, you've made it. And it was someone who was doing a pub quiz. And the question was, I hosted the New Zealand version of have you been paying attention.

No, no. She just saw a picture of herself and she loses all the details. I'm just delighted. She's like, it's me! Wait, you were on the screen at the screen. Is it the great New Zealand pub quiz? Is that the one that everyone does?

Believe it or not. Believe it or not. Believe it or not. You're getting the great Kiwi pub quiz confused with the Great Kiwi Bake Off, another show that Haley's had cancelled. Had cancelled. Okay.

single-handedly ruined an international format. No, that was a group ruin. Was it? Yeah, that was a group ruin. Sort of a you and a PACS sort of a joint effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the bake-off crowd probably found him a bit brown. You know?

Feckel. Yeah. Feckel. No, I'm kidding. So, no, it said, I hosted the New Zealand version of this international panel format. So the answer was, have you been paying attention. But they didn't say my name, but it wasn't really you. You, it was a photo of me.

I would say that you used honestly the most rogue photo as well It was me in golden boy Like in this dairy Like leaning against the counter And sort of this like character Wasn't that your last acting role Like 10 years ago? Yeah it was

No, she did the Lucy Lawler show So we didn't pull in the bullying this week Who was just gonna lean in harder Well no it's not bullying if it's facts Right That's true But I was that's why I was correcting his misfact You did the Lucy Lawler show

What was that one called? Yeah So that was your last acting gig Yeah. But it's weird because you've got an acting degree. Yeah, I know. And that's your main kind of thing. So we're doing this on Friday, are we?

I wasn't going to. You literally started the show telling me to shut up. Yeah, I did. That's true. You were speaking out of turn. I'm going to be mum on Christmas. All right. That's fine.

Do the show without me. See how it goes. What do I know. Yeah. Well, I know. See how people like it when I don't say anything. Yeah, you think this. Who's just going to cook itself?

Yeah. Do you? Look forward to hearing you guys cover all this female content today. Look forward to hearing one of the best yarns of the year. Eight o'clock? No, I know, I've been told to shut up, so I'm sorry you don't get it anymore. It's a big call.

Play ZDM's, Fletch Vaughan and Haley. From your local community Facebook page, this is the Top Six. Now, at two minutes to six, the top six today was going to be top six other native animals, Shane Jones, doesn't believe in. Because apparently he doesn't believe them. Maui Dolphin exists. That guy's a... He's lost the plot.

Oh, you hear him out. It's endangered. It's not going to exist soon. No. And then he'll be like, told you. You'd be like, oh, I don't know if that's how that works. But then Fletch said a very funny thing, which is a rare occasion. Sort of like a solar eclipse.

It's not his role in the show. Oh, wow. Solar eclipse guy. Okay, wow. Is it my turn now to be believed? Yes. Did you know? It'll be nice of the move.

The Minister of Energy in New Zealand's name is Simon Watts, and we all laughed about it. And so immediately the top six became the other top six New Zealand ministers that names suit their portfolios. This is a factual list of real people who have jobs in government. Yep. Of their portfolios. Number six, on the list of the top six other New Zealand ministers that's named suit their

portfolios, of course, the Minister of Police is Bowery Handcuffs. Of course. Fitting. It was meant to be. How is that not, have I not caught that before? He was either going to be Minister of Police or Minister of Sex stuff. I don't think there is a The kink minister.

The kink minister. Imagine if there was a minister of sex stuff. And Barry's like, I'll do both portfolios. Yeah. It's a lot on your plate, Barry. And kink. Yeah. A lot on your plate, Barry.

Barry's like, I can handle it. I am, after all, Barry handcuffs. Number five on the list of the top six other New Zealand ministers that name suit their portfolio. The minister of racing course is Murray horse running fast. He's native American. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, yeah, perfect.

Yeah, horse running fast. But Murray on the front. Yeah. Works really well. It does. What else would he be doing? Who knows? Couldn't be the Minister of Forestry.

Not with that name. No. Of course, the Minister of Forestry, whilst not on the list, we all know his name is Michael Chainsaw. Yeah. He's been there for years. For years. Fitting. Yeah, there's nothing else.

Again, he could do. Number four on the list of the top six other New Zealand ministers that name suit their portfolios. The Minister of Arts, his course, Carolyn Paintbrush. Is it? Haven't heard of her. I haven't either. Is she the MP for Rangitke? Yes, correct.

Right. Yes. Because sometimes you don't know those areas and you don't know the ministers, do you? The Paintbrush family quite well established her in the Rangatiki. Right, lovely. Of course there's Paintbush River.

Oh, okay. That's named after her family as well. Had no idea. Number three on the list of the top six other ministers that suit their portfolios is the minister of ACC. Oh yeah? Of course, his name is Stephen Uppsie-Dazy falafalada.

Oh. He's Salafalada. Falafalada. His brother, eh, is Silly Falenovato. Yeah. Yeah. Great family, though. Yeah.

Hard workers. Number two on the list of the top six of the New Zealand ministers who's and they sort their portfolio is, of course, the Minister of Rail. Oh, yep, Thomas Choo Choo Train. I didn't even try on that one, did he? He didn't even try. Could have been a little bit more elegant. you know what I mean

Trevor Tracks I was going to say Thomas autism It could have been worse Yeah it could have been a lot worse And yet he did say it And again went back there And of course number one on the list Of the Chelsea's done the New Zealand ministers

That suit their portfolios Is the Minister of Women's Affairs Oh boy Barbara Minge Barbara Minge Of the famous South Island Minge Of the Minge family One of the original five families

At the Canterbury Ridge the High Country, the Minge High Country Farm. What, the Minge Station? The Minge Station. If you're up into Mish Station a couple of times. Big tourist situation. Love it. You know when you're getting, you know, they raise some beautiful sheep and beef up there.

You know when you're eating Minge. When you're eating Minge beef. Okay, I'm going to stop that there. Play ZM. Fletch Forne and Haley. Well, a nightclub in Manchester in the UK is trying a new model to stay afloat. because bars are really struggling over there, especially nightclubs. They, according to the nighttime industry's ass,

recently they've reported in the UK. Look at my nighttime industry's ass. Yeah, yeah, only look in the day. They're losing three venues a week in the past three months. Seven and ten venues are failing to make a profit in a quarter of towns and cities that had nightclubs in 2020 now have none. Really?

That's crazy, yeah. That's wild. God, if I was in the UK, I'd do my best to support, you know, I really would. But, I mean, you know what, even what it's like here going out. It's like, you go out for a few. It's expensive. Oh, yeah. God, never forget the day we had, what was it, 40-something margaritas.

I mean, it was a big group, but man. Yeah, yeah. And it was expensive. Yeah. You can't do it that often. So this nightclub, XLR, in Manchester, is trailing B-Y-O-B, bring your own booze. Oh, I mean. So, ticket buyers arrived with,

pre-bought drinks, pre-bought drinks, and there's a limit. So, eight cans, or one 750-mill bottle of spirits per person, no glasses allowed. That's a bottle of vodka. That's a bottle of tequila. That's a lot, hey. That's a lot to rock in with a 750-mill bottle of spirits. Yeah, so after you go in. And also, where's the ice and who's got a glass?

So, no, wait. So you go in, you go in through security, no glass allowed. You take them to the bar staff, behind the bar. There are numbered wooden shelves, like kind of shoe cupboards. Like at the gym, the little cubbies. Yeah, like little cubby holes. You know when you get bowling shoes is what they've likened it to. And then what they do is they give you a number.

Your drinks go in one for two pounds. The number goes on your hand, and when you want one, you ask the staff to hand it over. So there's a working bar also, if you want to buy drinks. Some clubs are charging five pounds for a ticket, so like $10. And that's the money they're making. Is the storage and the entry fee? And then, yeah, so they're giving you a plastic cup and some ice, you might pay a bit more. Maybe you pay for that, yeah.

I mean, towards the end of the night, right? You're fine with no ice. But yeah, crazy. Like, people are going to, like, clubs at 11.30 at night with two cans or a bottle of rum. That's such a spectrum, isn't it? It's like two cans or an entire bottle of spirits. Totally. Because I don't want to run out.

I don't know if it's everywhere. Like, I've been out in South America. I know in Columbia, you can just have a, you can buy a bottle of... A whole bottle, like a whole bottle of vodka. That's big in the Middle East too. And have it at your table. But is that expensive? How expensive is it? You can do it here?

Can you? If there's a place with the table. No, can you? Yeah, but it's bottle service, but it's super expensive. Yeah, right. I know you can buy a bottle of wine, but I've never bought a bottle of spirits. The only time I've done it was the Middle East, it was huge when I was in Oman. If you ate like a club and you get like, you went into a little boothy bit.

I just think we're always so tight. We're always so tight. I was going to say it's also like people are more responsible overseas with their drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just hide a bottle outside somewhere and just keep nipping out for a little. When you're like, should we get a bottle each? You're like, of wine. You're like, vodka.

Hell yeah. But yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's, yeah, something that we'd ruin it. We'd do here. I don't know. We would tear that place to the ground. It was like, didn't that nightclub in Auckland be like, we're going to open and we're booze free. Oh, yeah, that's true for people who don't want to drink.

Yeah. yeah cool it's hard enough to be in hospitality when you're charging people of fortune four booze yeah now you want to be in hospitality without your main moneymaker sorry that's just my hot take yeah that's just one's hot take on business that's my business that's my business hot take i'll lay off i'll lay off the business hot take play zm's flet won and haley play zm's flesh warn and haley Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly that

Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Lady and gentlemen Is this a silly little pole Born of another silly little pole

Because I feel we talked about If you're in a long-term relationship When did you last have adult fun time? That's right, yeah And then from that we learnt that A lot of people were just scheduling it Yeah, for sure I also read an article about the benefits of scheduling,

especially as you have kids and life gets busy and whatnot. It's very unsexy, though, isn't it? We've spoken to Morgan Penn, famous sexologist and genuine friend of the show about this. And she's like, sometimes it is necessary. Yeah. Make sure it's like scheduling self-care, you know? Yeah. If you don't schedule it, it can slip.

It's like scheduling the fairies. It's like scheduling the fairs. Otherwise they won't go to Picton, will they, you know? They won't. And they'll crash in the middle if there's no schedule. Those fairies, I thought you meant the woodland sprites. Oh, yeah, no, you can schedule those as well. Schedule your sprites. Yeah. Schedule everything.

Get it in the cow. Well, silly little pollers, do you schedule your adult fun time? The options were yes, always, every so often or no. Okay. 64% of people said no. They don't schedule that at all the fun time. 31% said every so often, and 5% said always. Okay.

Now at least we know that 5%, they're getting it on. Yeah. Let's get some feedback. Preeti says, NAP, spontaneous is the way to go. We've got a spontaneous chicky bag on our hand. We've got a little bit of a walk into the lounge, whip the top off, how about these?

Blah-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. And he's just like, pause. Okay, keep it. Sorry, guys. PG, please. In the middle of gaming. I'm out. Although some guys in the middle of gaming,

would be like, oh, later. Can you get those? Get on. Yeah. Well, you've got to get through and save the level, you know. You do, you do, you do, you do, you do. Daniel may have slightly misconstrued what we meant by adult fun times

She said it's always way more fun When she whips out the scrabble board Without me knowing His adult fun times is scrabble That's so sweet Whatever is sexy to you Yeah Had a triple word score

With a cue in it Oh Sorry When the cue's on a triple letter And then it hits a triple word Yeah And make it a sexy cue word Like

Queef I don't know what's her Quizonomics. Quisonomics. Vaughan, please rain it in. You've been very naughty today. We don't want to crush your energy. Look, yeah, I don't want to crush your energy, but please rain it in.

You cannot afford to have a suspension. No, the word queef is not acceptable. I've just told you to rain it in. Queen. If you've got an N, yes. Swap the F out for an N, and we've just got a legitimate word. And you've got it.

Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Come on, calm down. Next message. Anonymous please, I need an anonymous reply option, so anonymous please. The answer is no, but the side, but with the side piece, yes. Oh, no, we don't judge.

No, we do judge because the main piece doesn't know about the side piece because that's why they've gone anonymous. How hot is the side piece. Yeah, also monogamy is such a... Yeah, love is dead. Carry on. Taylor's... We're one of the only animals that do it.

There's a few. Pengins. but not many. Taylor has you seen the other penguins? They're all mingers. They literally, I don't mean to be racist. They all at the same time. Oh my.

They're literally all at the same thing. So no wonder they settle down, you know? Yeah, you're just like, why? You're just as good as the next guy. Yeah. Taylor says, look at all the bottom selecting yes always. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't get it, I'm not laughing.

Fletch, would you get to explain? Hayley was laughing. I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did you get it? Because you can't just bloody, you know? For the gays have to, obviously, there's some preparation. So the bottom is the person on the bottom.

The receiver. The receiver. Yeah. Yeah. They would be the receiver. Yeah, they get the ball. Ready. The loading docks.

Clear. Yeah, it's like, have you ever seen your local Woolwheres and there's a truck in there? Yeah. You've got to clear out the truck. Otherwise, when the truck gets in there, it might take something. There's already a truck in there. There's already, like, some boxes. in the loading zone. And they're going to spill

out. You've got to clear out the loading dock. Clear the loading dock. Yeah. I want to be pushing the boxes further in. The forklift. They'll be popping out into the supermarket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to get the forklift in there, have a good clear out of the pallets. Clear it out. Yep. Get a hose through there. Get a fresh. Get a fresh. Get a fresh. They need to load the

hoshing of sorts. Yes, correct. Okay, on to the next one. I think we've done that well. Yeah. Katie said kind of kills the mood to schedule it, but maybe that's why I don't get laid often because my husband and doesn't make the bookings. Loll. Okay, yeah, right. Imagine if Katie's the person that's texting in

and the other one's the side piece. Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, Courtney, it took us 16 months to get pregnant, so we got into the habit of scheduling it. Now it would never happen with a baby otherwise, so they've got to schedule it around the baby. Right.

Well, you know, the old saying is nap while your baby naps and hump while your baby naps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually what they'll teach you at Plunkett. Yeah, yeah. They'll say your baby's on the 61st percent. that's great. Yeah.

Remember, while the baby naps hump. Yeah. Chelsea said, no, but it's starting to feel like we should. It can be weeks between fun times. And then when it does happen, it's over in a matter of minutes because someone gets too excited. Flattering after that long together that someone still can't hold it in the loading dock, you know, the forklifts. Yeah, I'd be like, damn right. Yeah, yeah, compliments.

Flattering. Amy said, I sleep with my workmate. So when he comes over, we know it's just not to watch TV. Oh, hello Bridget, yes, currently because we're trying to get hapoo And have rabbit week That's a nice way

When you're fertile Yeah, of your latte Of your lato Kind of, we always just know It'll be the weekends As it's too busy in the week Said Caroline Weekend shagger

Lily, we don't But I do Oh Yeah And Stumpy says Nah, I like to surprise myself Oh, Stumpy. Get on your Stumpy.

Stumpy. Love it. So today, for silly little poll, we said to you, are you scheduling your adult fun time? 64% of you saying no. Play ZDM's flesh, one and Haley. What is your favourite? This is a survey. That Adobe did.

Okay. So I trust it. The PDF people. The PDF people. Adobe, do the Photoshop. Yeah. If they do the acrobat, read it. Lightroom.

Oh, they love a light room. They do a lot. They do Adobe-style housing. And like, do you remember, for years and years on the internet, it was Adobe Flash, and it would always, like, not work and need an update. Do you remember that? And then, you need a JavaScript. Yes.

Yeah, and then, like, a few years ago, they were like, hey, guys, we don't need it anymore. And everyone's like, well, thank you finally. We knew it this whole time. How dare you, Adobe? That's what we all said. We said, how dare you made us do that? So they asked, Baby, Boo. is Gen X, Millennials and Gen Zs.

Yep. So what their favorite fonts were. And it came down to the top three for each of them. Baby boom. I don't know, someone, we brought up generations this morning before the show. Oh, yeah, welcome. And we were like, oh, I wonder when Gen B starts, because you've got Gen A's. I've got two Gen A children.

And do you know that this, and this is what we found out, dear listener, that this year, 2025 is the birth year of Generation Beta. Gen B's. How much, this is so bad that they have to be Gen Bata. Like, what a beta after alpha. Gen B. Yeah, I know. Gen B. Gen B's.

But yeah, so if you're having a baby this year onwards until like 2038 or something, it'll be a Gen B. A gen B. That's nuts. That's crazy. Okay. So, oh, okay, no, I, because I was just reading this and I thought that is insane. But actually the question these people were asked is,

not what font they use the most. Which font do they think looks the most embarrassing and outdated? Oh, fantastic. So not their favourite. So Baby Boomers thought the most outdated fonts, the top two was Times New Roman and Currie and New. I have no beef with those. Classics.

They're classics. Gen X's thought that the most outdated fonts were comic sands in Currie and New. Yes. Millennials, that's us, thought that the most outdated fonts were comic sands, and papyrus. Yeah, papyrus can. Okay, yeah, avatars.

It's the avatar. Also, why did Avatar, one of the biggest movie franchises... Have you seen this SNL sketch? With Ryan Gosling? No. It rules that they spent all this money on the most expensive movie ever made that made the most money ever made

and they just used a default font. It's wild. It's like, papyrus! It's so good. So we think comic stands and papyrus are the most outdated and embarrassing. And Gen Z's thought that Curia knew and Papyrus at the top right with the most embarrassing so if one of those fonts is your favorite font it's quite embarrassing for you shame yeah but topping the list for all generations wingedings anyway no one's

using wingdings no one's using the 90s to send coded messages to your power i know and then you highlight it and then change it now lobster is appearing here a lot oh okay lobster is this just for reference it's kind of a curly 70s vibe isn't it based on the change in America? Red Lobster. Red lobster? Is it the red lobster font? It looks like it.

It looks like it. Yeah, I don't mind that font. Okay. Okay. Now, what your favorite font says about you. Okay. So my favorite font is Calibri. If I'm in a word document,

I had a beautiful smooth Calibri. There's no serif on it. Yeah. There's no slant on it. It's just thin and round. It's better than aerial. Like me, sometimes thin, sometimes round.

You know what I'm? Better than aerial. Aerial can suck it. It's too wide. reals too wide. Calibri is beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. Just a moment. And Tahoma, and Tahoma.

Yeah, I like Tahoma as well. Calibri are my favorites. Okay, so what, Calibri being our favorite, this is what it says about us, probably a Gen Z. Okay. So I'll take that. Take it, sure. I'll take that because it means that we're nice. Analytical and detail-oriented.

That's you, Fletch. Not so much me. Somewhat organized. That's you, Flet. Works and tech would be their prediction. Oh, okay. What's yours? The options are Helvetica.

Times New Roman, Calabria, Aerial, Impact, tight, bold. I like aerial. I know that's probably, it's just plain. Oh, Vodana's nice. Oh, Vodana is nice. Vodana, yeah. You're probably a Gen Z as well. Yeah, nice.

Practical and down to earth, very organized and also work in tech. Wingdings, if your favorite font is. No one's favorite font is wingdings. Baby boomer, outgoing and social, very organized work in architecture. Papyrus, if that's your favorite font, you're probably a baby boomer, creative and imaginative somewhat organized, work in the arts. Well, that's James Cameron, isn't it? Yeah.

To a T. If you like Curie and You, you could be a Gen Zia, analytical and detail-oriented, somewhat organized work as a software developer. And if you like Comic Sans, baby boomer, creative and imaginative very organized and work in education okay that was their prediction of those are your favourite fonts It really is a kid's education font isn't

I'm just in the mood to open a word doc And just write in some caliphate Have you ever been to that 1,001 free fonts Or whatever? Oh my God it's so good Oh my God and you're just like How do I choose? Yeah it's so good When you were a kid in the 90s or early 2000s

And you were making your birthday invites The lettering book On word and then you used to go in To 1,001 fonts in Berlin Yeah it's so good do, man. Let's get spicy. What am I going to do, man? The world's my oyster. Which one am I going to put? My font oyster.

And I've got a publisher open. I'm about to whack a border on the sun bitch. I'm about to add a floral border and the girls are going to be like, she's so cool. Play Z-Ims Fletchhorn and Haley. You know what ice cream is rice creams? All right, cramps.

They weren't bloody ice cream's rice. I remember my grandfather being outraged at a Memphis Meltdown. What? How could you be outraged at a Memphis Meltdown. The price of it. Oh, right.

And how much ice cream he was getting. He was a volume, man. I inherited that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a volumeter. I like the thing big. At the time when those come out, you could have got like one of those double, double codes.

Dude, you could probably got four double codes. You could have driven to Pocono and got one of the famous Pocono. Pocono. Poceneau. Poceneau. Poceneo. Wait, why does Pocino. Is it?

Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, Louise. I'm learning. I'm learning. But it's like tamaru, it's not, isn't it, it's not a Māori word of origin. It's not though, isn't it a Māori version of a white word? Oh, is it?

I don't know, yeah. It's definitely timidu. I thought Pocono was like that too. Nah. Poceno. Oh, it's like when I learnt that POTO was a Māori was a Māori. I was like, what? Patoni in the heart.

Yeah, Pet one. Pet one. We learn though. And it's great that we learn and we accept learning. At the time, you could have driven to Pokeno. Pokeno. And bought one of their famous Big ice cream

Seven scoop ice creams So at the same price as a Memphis Moutdown Yeah true Blue as mine Now Earlier this year The viral sensation of those ice creams That looked like the fruit

They were flavoured after That went bananas Yeah well they still have been Haven't they Yeah they're still going crazy Well they didn't have bananas That's why I didn't try it Because bananas's my favourite flavour

I love bananas Now there's ice cream That looks like fried chicken I know, I've seen these, and it's like, what is happening? It actually looks really young. Wait, is it better covered ice cream? It's cookie crumbs. What's it coated in?

Cookie crumbs. But how have they made it look like fried chicken? Dude, food science. Yeah. Dare I say, the Chinese rat it again. I mean, you can say that. What's, is it a drumstick shape? It's shaped like a drumstick.

Yeah, no bone. No bones. There's a stick though, right? No, there's a, I think there's a thing in the middle. A friend of mine had one and he was like, it's kind of got like this chocolate dude in the middle. Oh, like a chocolate bar. But there's also, like I've seen three different brands. So obviously one brand did this and two other brands were like, let's go.

Yeah. Immediately duped it. But now there's an ice cream that looks like a chicken drumstick. A friend of mine had one and he said it was the weirdest thing looking at it and being like, this is a chicken drumstick, biting into it and been like, it's an ice cream. Wait, yeah, because your brain would be like, oh, my God, fried chicken. It's fried chicken I've had this hundreds of times. Here's some photos if this is somebody has put it up

a little bit of it. I'm trying it. Don't be fooled. It's ice cream, says the package. But look, that's what it looks like. That looks like a perfectly fried drumstick too. Oh, I want to eat that. But I want it to taste like herbs and spices. Yeah, that looks like Korean fried chicken with some, oh, yum.

Someone's taken care and effort. This isn't just some sloppy, you know, fast food takeaway drumstick. Someone's put some care of it. But it's an ice cream. It's ice cream. Okay. I need to try one of those. I wasn't a fan of those other ones.

No, they weren't. I didn't try them, but you said they weren't that good. I mean, it's hard to beat just a good old ice cream. Yeah. Because, you know, I'm goody-goody gum drops, team goody-goody-goody gum drops. To the day, I die. Do you ever think you will age out of goody-goody gum drops? Never.

Or you're past it now. Like, maybe in the rest time they'll be like, you can't have those because you'll choke on them. And I'll be like, well, what a way to go. Okay, so feedback. Yep. They're overrated. Okay. The chicken drums.

It's overrated. Somebody said there's a full-on burger ice cream as well. It looks like a burger. Oh my God. Because you know I love those things that look like something but it's a cake. That's why you love so much the cakes. Is it cake on Netflix? Yeah. Great stuff. Fletch just thought everything was cake for a while there. I know.

He started cutting into us every day and we were like, I'm not cake, it's me. Are you Vaughanahle or are you cake? Well, because I didn't want to wear my shoes to work because I thought it was that they were cakes. He kept coming in barefoot and we're like, where your shoes? He was like, they weren't shoes anymore. They were cake. I knew it.

They're trying to fool me. Yeah, I know. He's like, they're watching me. They're trying to get me to put my foot into some cakes. And then I cammed on Parliament grounds. You guys came and rescued me and I... He was throwing bricks at one point. It was really...

At police. I mean, it was just... Nothing. I went down a bit of a hole there, guys. You did. But you're back, baby. Because they were like, don't make me get the vaccine. And you were like, the vaccine.

It's just cake. It's just cake. Push the needle. It's cake. Here's a picture of the burger that's ice cream. Oh, okay, that's yum. Wait, what's the bun? Is the bun?

More ice cream. Get out of here. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Now, if you've just joined the show, No My Heart and My Welcome, we're having a lot of fun. We do every day. Monday to Friday, 6 to 9. Fletchwine, Laughley, out louder.

You may have missed that I, um, I've decided that I want to become a, skater girl because I saw a girl skate past me in Sydney and I thought, man, she looks hot and I'm actually all about looking hot. Yeah, but are you confusing the fact that you thought she was quite attractive? No, the skateboard did so much, I reckon. What's that? It helps when people are hot. Oh, she was hot on the board, but I'm not, me. If there was no board, would she have still been hot? Yeah, but the board elevated the hotness. It's like me. I'm hot. You know, like, that's not the problem here. But I'm just constantly like, how can we get this thing?

Hotter. Are you worried, though, that if you do get on a skateboard, you might be too hot for people. And they might find you're intimidating. Yeah. It's a real problem of mine. I find a lot of men can't look me in the eye because of my beguiling beauty. So you actually need to ming it up a little bit. Maybe get rollerblades.

I refuse. I could roll the blades, fluoro ones. Yes. Actually, that could be kind of hot, though. Yeah, I know. It's hard. I'm constantly combating this hotness. So I'm like, I'll just lean in.

Yep. Get hotter. So I did. I announced on here that I was going to learn how to start. Skate. We've got a few things actually in the background, including there is a place in Auckland that does skating for girls, skateboarding for girls. The only thing is if you go on their Instagram, they're all kids. They're all like eight. Yeah. And I'm like 36 in a week or so. Yeah, I think you might need a private lesson maybe. Yeah, yeah. We're going to do a one-on-one

because I'm embarrassed. So instead, before I get there to sort of get ahead, I've done a few. I've done a few things, including I watched this video. Now, I'll just turn down, Mike, because I'm actually doing a double DJ here. I'm just going to turn to my Spotify. And then I'll add up this guy. This is who I found. This is a video on YouTube. My name's Aaron Cairo.

I'm a sponsored skateboarder from the San Francisco Bay Area, and today I'm going to teach you the beginning skater how to skate if you're over 30. I'm very well. That's... That's good tonight. It's quite a good video because a lot of them obviously are aimed at children. Yeah. And I am, just to reiterate, 306.

Well, they don't take the hips into account, the sore back. Yeah, they don't. Yeah, all the things that come with being 30s. Just hit the ground harder. Yeah. And so this guy from America taught me that the first thing I have to learn. First, first, first, first, basic thing you have got to learn on your skateboard is which foot are you going to put forward? And the best way to figure this out is if you were going to pretend there was ice there, and you're going to run and slide. For me, I naturally put my right foot forward. That means I'm what is called Goofy.

So Goofy is your right foot goes on the board forward and regular is that you're just left foot forward, right? So picture me in my lounge. Have you never been snowboarding before? Once and I got a lesson live on air. Okay, right. So no. And because I'm left to.

standard but I'm ambidextrous. It's confusing to me. It doesn't always align. I'm just going to loop, skater boy. Okay. So I had to stand up in my lounge with this video on the big TV kind of going and his thing was run a little bit and then if you're

sliding on ice, which way are you going forward? Left would be regular. Right is goofy. Yeah. I'm goofy. You're goofy. I'm a goofy gal. I'm a regular. Wait, have you even got a skateboard yet? So then I made a commitment. Oh my God.

You know, I was looking up the things that I needed. I started looking up helmets because that is like the main thing for me. I don't want a brain injury. Well, and it would be too much for us to have to, you know, adjust. Prop me up every day. It's much for us to adjust to her brain injury. Yeah.

And you'd be like, Haley, do you want to have any take on that? And you'd be constantly like put the straw in my mouth. I'd be like, because I'm closest. I don't have to do the straw all the time. Or one of those brain injuries where I'm exactly the same and very capable, but I become quite aggressive. more aggressive. So the first thing I looked at was a helmet.

Right? Because that's very important to me. And then I was looking at the right helmets. I went on these websites, right helmets for beginners, right helmets for people in the early thirties. And it showed me this helmet, which it turns out I already own. From my, when I decided I want to be a cyclist. And I didn't want to wear a cycle helmet.

So again, do you think that you're just going to end up buying all this gear? But I've already bought this gear because I already have it. So I went to the gear. Save money. Went to the garage, found it. I've got the helmet already. Right, okay. And then I was like, I need to choose a board.

I wanted a complete set. I'm not into doing the custom makes at the moment. Yeah. And I've chosen my board. This is it here. It's a checkerboard globe skateboard. Oh, yeah, okay. So I've got to get a wide one because I'm big in the foot.

Big in the foot. I'm long in the foot. I'm a long in the foot. I didn't have a wide one though. Yeah, well, they said for people who are learning older, you want more stability, so a wider board scale. going to be a great way to start. That same as snowboarder.

Learning to surf on a long board like a big air like a fridge, basically a fridge door. Yeah. I mean listen, I've committed. I've watched the video, I've decided that I'm goofy footed, I've got the helmet out of the garage and give it it a dust and I have bought a board and it's on its way.

Okay, can you just block your ears for a second? How many times do you think she'll go out on this thing? No, she'll fall over once. Twice, yeah, and then... Twice and then that'll be there. And then give up. Are we done? No, we were just saying we're so proud that you've spent all this money on this new hobby. I feel like people just get to their 30s and we think, you know, we're like done and we've learned what we're going to learn.

And I just want to inspire people to say no. Yeah, I agree. Good for the brain. Yeah, great for the brain, unless it takes a knock. And wordle. Easier. What don't you just do wordle? That's how I'm the brain staving off the dementia.

Yeah, nah. Wurdle, connections. Some New York Times minigames and all that alcohol. Dude, am I. Well, I've got to pickle something. I'm pickling that, you know. I've been reading a little bit about pickling and, um, apple cider vinegar and Jamison's.

I'm sorry, it's not stimulating enough for me. I'm going to become a skated girl. Okay. And, have you found, like, a good spot? Because there's a pump track, not far from my house. I think a pump track would be good second step. Don't go near that. There's a half pipe near my house.

Don't go near there. A concrete bowl. How hard can it be? Very high. Just lift the edge and just shift your body weight. Play. ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn and Haley. I want to know now when living with the parents or the in-laws went wrong and how bad did it get.

Because a lot of people move home, maybe they're saving for their first house, so they move in with one of the parents, one of the sets of parents. Or your parents get older and downsides and they come and live with you. Yeah, as is the case with my family. My parents wanted to move up north and... Good babysitting for you too. Good babysitting for me. And as you know, my life is an absolute shambles. You'll be the baby.

And I need some help. I need some help I literally text my mum and I was like Get ready to heavy lift bitch She was like I'm ready I'm excited

I'm looking forward to it Your parents are going to see you hardly Yeah exactly And I like my family We're very close as you know We kiss on the mouth You know so we're just a very very close family It's odd

Wait are you gonna go home Every day after work and like Cuss on the mouth Because you're living with them every day When I'm with my parents We'll have a kiss before bed No night On the mouth

No probably on the cheek or the head Or something like that Really? Weird. Kiss on the mouth is when you haven't seen each other for a while. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, talk about how my family kisses on the mouth. It's very normal.

It's not normal. It's not normal. Anyway, I was also reading an article about a woman who's in-laws were like, oh, you guys are, you know, saving to buy a home. Come live with us for a bit and it just dismantled. Like, it just all fell apart. The mom's a narcissist. It was just like an absolute horror show.

And it kind of tore up their relationship. And they didn't end up buying a house together Because they're no longer together After living with his parents And did their parents stay together? I'm assuming yes Yeah the parents are together But it just tore the family apart basically

So I want to know As you say in this day and age There are a lot of people That would be living with their families When did living with the parents go wrong Maybe it just Maybe it put a little frift in your family maybe it just, maybe they caught you

because this is a conversation. Patsy and I are now negotiating. Even you're an adult, you move back in, you're under their rules. Yeah. But then you're an adult. You should be allowed to do a few more things. I want to hear those terrible stories

of living with your parents as an adult. Oh, 800,000 at Emerson number. Call us now, you can text in. How was living with your parents as an adult and if it went wrong or if it was an absolute nightmare? Yeah. Because I read an article about it actually ended up breaking up a relationship. and also my parents are about to move in with me.

Somebody messaged in saying the problem with when I moved back in with my parents, it became abundantly clear to me that they were having far more sex than I was. Oh no. So you move back into their sex den though, so you can only blame yourself. You usually be sharing, like, this is a bit of a block. A sea block. This is what I'm talking to Patsy about at the moment. My message in saying my parents split.

up when I was living with them and it was so bad and toxic I had to move in with my sister instead. Maybe you are the problem. Maybe you're the problem. I feel like you're drag on everybody. You were dragging your parents down now you're immediately like rather than rather than being the pig who builds his house out of bricks you're just going to dogg onto

the next one you know. Yeah. The first house was the circus. You went to the stones and straw parents too. They finally get rid of their kids and they come back. Change the locks and they just want to have a nice toxic divorce and their own time and their own place and they'll get one of their kids All up in their face.

Somebody else messaged in that they did not realize when they were living with them as a kid, but when they moved back in with their parents just what a slob their dad was. Oh, yeah. Yeah, mum was just doing all the work and it was a real ick that dad was so useless.

Yeah, I'm not cleaning up Craig's pubs. I'll say it here and now. Oh my God, yesterday, I went to use the bathroom. Oh, wait, hang on. Speaking of cubes, I went to use the bathroom at the gym yesterday, one of the cubicles. And I get there And I

Go to Man blow drying them No I went up to lift up the toilet seat Because I had to waze Oh yeah of course And you're a gentleman You lift the seat Yeah so I lift the seat

And then I lift this And in the toilet Someone had stood over the toilet And trim their pubs And trim their pub And it was just pubs everywhere And I was just like Oh 100 dollars in him

When did you see pubs When did you see pubs We should be We'll save that That makes me feel a little bit sick Yeah, it's grossy. I might just have a little sick off if that's okay. And they weren't wet.

They weren't wet pubs. They were dry in the bowl. So you were moments. So no one had flushed them away. Oh, you've got to flush. But even then they float, hair floats, you're not going to be able to flush those pubs away. Take it from someone who's tried.

Look, I've tried to flush pubs as well. You need double flush and maybe some paper to weigh them down. To weigh them down. Yeah, and just sort of like hype the bowl on the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this person hadn't even flushed. Like, there was no courtesy flush. That's gross.

I'd report them. Do you think, well, who's pubs? You have to take some pubs to a DNA test. Yeah, exactly. We'll have to do a C-Side sample. Do you think that that person's at the gym, they get a text, Bing, Bing, what are you up to? Do you want to come over?

Do you know what I mean? Like a hooker. Yeah. And then, um, sorry, I just saw one of those texts. And then they've just been like, oh my God, my pubs are an absolute bush. Or have you has a shaver in there. Or maybe someone has a shaver in their toiletries. Maybe someone has a shiver.

But it's not just a shaver That's a clipper Yeah They're carrying a clipper Wild Back to when living with your parents went wrong Someone just texted When we were building

When we were building a house We lived with my parents And my cat Got in a fight with their cat And broke their cat's jaw Well you've got Alpha Cat You've got the Alpha Cat

Wow Mum would not be happy about No No Someone message in saying Girl So I think it's aimed at me We moved in with my partner's parents

Six months ago Need to discuss The initial plan was four weeks max guess how many times we've had sex twice in six months because they don't leave

boomers don't leave you know that they never go out for breakfast they never go out for breakfast they never go out for anything so you kind of yeah I don't know what you've done here haven't thought this through

but then like they say initial plan four weeks max that's one month there's six months you've got six months that's way more months I do have six months till they leave

your parents yeah should they go back to where they came You all need brown noise machines to blonk out all the other noises of the house. I'm just going to blast Metallica. Right.

Through the house. The idea of my parents, no. We had a flatmate once and we knew when he was getting down to it because he'd put on an incubus CD and he only ever got to the third song. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Haley. I think a lot of people are experiences and we've talked about it before.

Dating at fatigue. Whereas I, for example, have never. been on the apps for many, many years. And you're single, and it's quite a novelty still for you. I love the good, the bad, the ugly, and prefer the hot, the tall, the sexy. But you know what I mean? Like, the whole thing I'm finding quite fun. Bit of a laugh of sorts.

It's quite a good dopamine little hit. When do you think that will wear off and you'll be jaded like everybody else? But I think that a lot of people on dating apps, and that's what they're for, are looking for someone and something, you know, maybe long-term. And I'm not. So I think if you were on there being like, I want something to like fulfill my heart, it would be very difficult and you get fatigued.

I'm looking for a different kind of fulfillment. Yeah. So. Well, at least she's been honest with herself. Yeah. Yeah. And it's very freeing. Yeah.

So there is a, I didn't realize it was a trend for September to help combat this app fatigue. It's called sit at the bar September. Which is something you can just try any month of the year. Totally. But it's just being talked about a lot because it works with the S of September. Yep.

You know, sit at the bar August, doesn't feel as good. No. Sit at the bar October. Yeah, yeah. Sit at the bar January. Yeah. Sit at the bar February. And then we have to try to say that month.

Yeah. You just feel stupid. It's a whole thing. So this is out of New York City. So like that, that place is absolutely packed with bars. But I think this would look with your local Thai B.O as well. Okay. Uh, here is how to, this breakdown's sit at a bar.

So if you're just done with the apps and the messaging and everything, step one, find your spot. Okay. So whether it is your local Thai BYO or your local, um, your local Raza? I don't think a Thai BYU is going to work for you. Well, I'm just saying, if people in small towns listening are like, we don't have bars on bars, this ain't New York City gal. Small towns in this country famously have one thing, it's pups. Yeah, it's a pub. It's a pub. It's a pub. It's a pub or local.

Choose a comfortable bar or venue with good seating and friendly staff. You can get anything from an elegant cocktail bar to a dive bar to a sports bar, queer bar, even a sober bar, that was suggested. Step two, make some goals without pressure. Set a attainable social goals. Like, I'm going to introduce myself to at least one new person each hour. Oh, I like that. Yeah, right.

Because I've also heard people talk about this, even if you get rejected, it's a learning moment. Yeah, yeah, totally. To help with rejection. Because a lot of people, that's also a very hard thing. And also, if you get rejected, what have you lost? Nothing. Yeah.

You've actually lost nothing. You still get to go home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, that's overrated anyway. Your self-esteem bar has gone down a notch. Yeah, because I'm walking into a bar with heaps of that anyway. Yeah. So, an attainable goal.

Like, your goal could be, I want to go home with someone tonight. Whatever you want your goal to be, just without pressure, you're setting this goal, but you're going to focus on having fun rather than obsessing overscoring a day. Maybe it's just getting someone's number. Yeah, totally. Do you know what? I've got an idea after this.

Step three. Go alone so you can't like chicken out and be like, I'll just take a friend because you guys are just going to sit there bantering all night, having your margaritas, then you're getting drunk and then we're like and now we're not focusing on what this is. Increases your chance of meeting new people

if it's with friends, like that just closes it off and people aren't going to approach you. Avoid your phone and maintain an approachable body language. So just sit there and enjoy your drink. Look around. Don't just be on your phone because you're closed off. And some singles are using creative hacks

like having personalized business cards with photos and contact info being like, well, if you like me, here you go, here's my Instagram. Oh, wow, okay. Step four, have fun and stay safe. Be cautious about drink safety, so you don't want to be sitting there getting sloppy on your own. No one wants to see a solo woman at a bar falling off her stool. Treat yourself like your own day and enjoy the experience regardless of romantic outcomes. And ditch the apps for September and do this.

Give it a go. I like this so much. And I was like, do you know what? I'm going to Denied in this weekend. Friday, tonight, I'm performing, sold out. Saturday, actually, if you still want to come, this ticket, it's Haleysprowal.com. It's because Haley scheduled a comedy gig on the same day as the Rugged. Yeah, I did.

But the rugby is, because Vaughan and I go into this rugby game, it's 505 kickoff. Yeah, no, but my show's 630, so if you want to have a meal before my show, you know, it's a clash. But come on Saturday, hang out with me. I might do this because I don't know anyone in Danita. Right. It's pick a bar. Go to the octagon, pick a bar. I'm going to go out after my show on Saturday night.

Oh, God, after the rugby, Deneed and after the rugby... No, I'm going to go out. I'm going to do this. I'm going to take myself in a little solo day and I'm going to celebrate sit in a past September. No phone? No phone.

Wait, what if you get a number? Then I can bring out the phone. I just want to be scrolling reels. Right, okay. And I will, I'm going to give this a go because I think this is a really good idea for singles. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley. Play ZM's Fletchbourne and Haley.

I think it's one of the best yarns I've ever been told. Because I just blurted out laughing yesterday. No, wait, normally when a friend says this, it's always an urban legend. No. Well, you know, this doesn't leave the table. Yeah, yeah. And so this, it wasn't, this doesn't leave the table.

And she wasn't, this is how it happened. I went to the pub last night with some friends to catch up that was there, my two friends and their two kids. Yep. And we're sitting there and I'm chatting like this. And one of the kids is like, got a bug in your hair and I was like oh like this and I couldn't get it and so my other friend

was trying to get this and get this bug out of my hair and we saw it kind of fly and I was like what was it and they were like I don't know it's like a little sort of small thing I said God I hope it wasn't an MOTH and then I revealed to them that I have a phobia of the MOTH and I was like

oh my god it's just like we can't even say the word no and they were like oh and I went and my whole body did that thing that it does and I got all twitchy and they were like Oh my God. Wow. And they said, oh no, there it was. And it was a tiny little cockroach.

Oh. Like a little baby one. Ooh, you had a baby cockroach and you were... Yeah, it got all stuck in my hair. And I was like, oh my God. I said, oh, no, that's fine. Cockroach is fine. I can handle them because I've got such a complex with the MOTHs.

I can handle a cockroach. I said, once when we were renovating, when we had no floor, a cockroach woke me up by crawling across my face. I was like, this is so gross. Okay, yuck. And then immediately the kids were like, you think that's bad. Mum, tell them.

And mum was like, oh, why have you brought this up? And she told me about one time she was just going about her day and was wearing pantyhoes like I'm wearing, like tights. Okay. And she went to the toilet,

she pulled down her tights to go to the toilet and did her business and pulled up her tights and went about her, you know, left the bathroom and everything. Yeah. And then she sat down

and was like, like, oh my goodness, and felt something into her anus. No, I thought there was going to be a bit of tulip paper or something. No one was cockroach, I assumed it had got into the leg or... Something crawled into her anus and not, like, around, something burrowed into her anus. Right. That must be a truly terrifying feeling.

Squirmed. Yeah, I would imagine. You would imagine. Oh my God, I can't even, you know. An unknowing entrant. Yeah. Okay. So, she was like, it felt like a buzzing, like a fizzing inside of her.

Fizzing. She calls her husband and is like, there's something in my anus. And he's like, okay. And she's like, no, no, no, we need to go to A&E. Like, something is happening. I'm not going to A&N. I've said it before, I'll say it again, if something accidentally. ends up in my anus, I'm not going to an E&E for a day.

I'm giving it a few hours. Yeah, I'm giving it a day. No, no, no, this thing is ratly. And she's like, no, but she doesn't know what it is. She doesn't know at this point. You know, but chug some olive oil. Flush it out, you know what I mean? Yeah, I take a couple of laxatives. All she knows is she went to the bathroom and now suddenly something's happening. A burrowing up the anus. She goes to the A&A, puts herself up in the stirrup.

No, not in a million years. They open up her anus. They are using what? Well, I guess some kind of like a, you know... Oh, they must feel thing from the... Speculum. And in there they find almost like a palm-sized cockroach. They say it's the biggest cockroach they have ever seen.

This is not true. This is not true. They've got... They've got... But they didn't have the actual photos with them. They had this... It was a palm-sized cockroach that had gone up. And because she had panicked so much,

her sphincter had crushed it to death. So what I am learning is her sphincter. Georgia Byrd's face. Her sphincter has a great sphincter. Her sphincter is more powerful than a nuclear bomb. Yeah. Because cockroaches can survive nuclear fallout. They can't survive this woman's iron grip.

Yeah, I know. And so at the time the conquerors, well, that would be a nice place to maybe sleep. So she would have had her undies and her rest of the afternoon. Yeah, in her panty hose and her undies down on the ground. It would have crawled in there. She would have just pulled them up. And in a panic, this night. has burrowed into her anus

and I just said I was like this Oh my God because her husband was there being like yeah we had to drive to the thing like it was like the kids knew and I didn't say I was going to say this one right now I didn't say I wouldn't even tell my husband

We're quite new friends as well We're quite new friends Yeah I think your friends are quickly going to learn not to tell you stories like this because then they end up on the radio I just got a phone call I reckon it's her anyway Wait so They had to extract the dead cockroach

So they said to her It was in there and it was dead So it wasn't moving anymore But she was convinced she could feel it They said to her Because you can't Because of the size of it And it's not as solid

She couldn't bear down She couldn't per bit down So they said you're gonna have to wait Till you have a bowel movement And it will flush it out And she said over my dead body Get that thing out You've already got the

Foresep it out Basically this cockroach Which is how they were able to see that it was so large. Yeah. I don't know what to say about that. So I thought we could do a phoneer, not what burrowed inside your anus,

but... That was my prediction of the phoneer. When you were saying the story, I was like, how are you going to turn this to a phone-in topic? It is her who's calling me. She just texts. It's me, you bitch.

Babes. What did you think I was going to do with this? Oh, I don't know if I would have... This is outrageous. Wait, but what do you want people to phone in topic about? I thought we could do like what crawled in on you. Because I've had... But we're not going to beat that story.

I mean, you hear of people that have things in their ears. Yeah, yeah, they go in the ears. I had that cockroach across the face. We've had like rats in the beds. Spider in the mouth. Spider in the mouth. Now she's hoping she said, please tell me I'm not the only one. Hon, I think you'll be the only one.

Oh, that would be nice if we could find another fellow listener out there that's had a cockroach, a nurse incident, just to make her feel better. Some messages already. Maybe this is a new segment, am I the only one? Am I the only one? Am I the only one? And then if you are the only one, you get like a trophy. What do you mean?

That is literally a segment we used to do on the show. Is that? I don't even remember that. How long ago? Pre-mey and that doesn't matter. When I was saying it, it did feel... Yeah, I'm thinking we even had a theme song. Oh, yeah, we did, we did, yeah, we did.

Someone wondered if when her sphincter clenched around the cockroach, I wonder if any of the eggs popped out of the cockroach and... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Someone else said, talk about a reaming. We learn the origins. We learn the origins. Oh, no, I've heard from the husband as well. Oh, my God, I'm dying.

This has cracked me up. Wow. Well, I want to know if butt-chugging olive oil can ask them. of butt-chugging olive oil was ever on that? Like, what are the ideas that they have? Wait, did the eggs come out? Is that a better phone and topic? What did you try before you finally went to A&E?

That's, that. Vaughn's nailed that. Vaughn has absolutely nailed that. No, no, no, no, no, you're lying. When I said, when that person texted and said that the eggs, they crushed in the eggs. She said yes, they did, there were eggs in the undies. Okay, okay. Oh, they're going to be sick.

Oh, I'm going to be sick. I apologize to any listener that is eating, especially eggs especially eggs Now there's a thing of undies eggs Okay Doctor confirmed they were eggs Oh no

Wow Okay I like that idea better Vaughn What did you try Before you went to the A&E Because she should have butt chugged some oil Yeah I would have tried a few

I would have butt chugged I feel like we've got Upside down against the wall I would have pulled it apart I would have plop the olive oil bottle Straight in that We've got Dr Shornie Our friend Dr Shorny

Would you have called him before you went to A&A? No, I'm not calling Dr. Shawnee. He's a friend. To me, he's a friend before he's a doctor. I don't consult him for medical advice. Oh God, I would have to be like, Dr. Shorty, oh my God, I'm about to get in the car,

but what do you reckon? I've got a cockroach. I've got a cockroachshund. There's a fizzing in my anus, and I can only describe it as a feeling of something crawling in the other. This is the most wild story ever. Okay, oh, 800 at Dahls at M. Give us a call.

You can text in 9-696. What did you try before you went to A&E? I had dinner last night, and one of my friends told me about the time that she went to the toilet, pulled up her tites and undies, and then felt a fizzing feeling in her anus, and a cockroach had borrowed into it.

That's the fast version of the story. It ended in A&E. Ended an A&E and them forcipping out this cockroach. Somebody from A&E has cast doubt on the story, but you believe it to be true. Why would they lie of it? I mean, it's just, they're not these people, and also the husband and wife who

are not together, like, in this moment, are both texting me individually. so funny and the kids were like oh we remember this yeah it's wild I probably tell my kids about it in the great honey you know I don't know very open family you wouldn't tell anyone I wouldn't tell anyone

very open family um so we want to know what because she went straight to A&E we want to know if you ever tried something first before you went to A&E maybe there was a little accident you're like I'm a bit embarrassed to go to A&E I'll try everything else first yeah somebody messaged in

their dad had a really bad hunting injury big cut came home and he just like was holding it shut and then he said I don't have time to go to A&E you need to stitch this up no dad

and the mum stitched it up with just like needle and thread and then just like poured poured booze on it to make sure it didn't get infected it's not a movie in the 1800s yeah I know

there's hospitals everywhere somebody else said we'll remain anonymous okay good yeah great great start to a story something was lost inside me we've got a A story of misadventure.

A story of misadventure. In the back door. Okay. And they said, much like, we said, you try everything before you go in A&E. Yeah. They said two days later it came out.

Didn't have to go to A&A. Two days. Because it won't go past the point. It's not going to go past the picture. No, it's not like you stand on your head and it's eventually going to come out your mouth. Yeah, yeah. That's not how the whole tract works.

Yeah, yeah. Michelle, what did you try before? you went to A&E? Well, we were very lucky. We didn't actually have to end up in A&E, but my husband has a fear of airwigs. He's had it his whole life. Okay.

He used to please them and say, they borrow it into your brain and blah, blah, blah. They are yuck. Is it because they've got lots of little, like, legs? Yeah. And the pincers at the back. Yeah. And they had been working down in the paddock,

and we were up in bed, and everything worked fine. He woke up at about 1 o'clock in the morning, screaming. He was like, there's something in my ear. there's something in my ear. Wait, I've just realized why they called them airwigs. Yeah, honestly, it was the most grossest thing I've ever seen in my life, and all I could see

was the two pincers right down inside of it. And he was like, get it out, get it out. And I was like, it's actually the most disgusting thing. And I had shaking hands trying to get tweezers into it. And with this, I eventually got it out, but it was huge. Wow. Like a human game of a real-life game of operation.

I know. I know. I just didn't buzz, but he's the dream. But you'd be a little worried if your husband knows Buzz Red. Yeah. Me? Oh, no, I've got to start again. He's got a wig in the air.

Operation. Michelle, thank you. Air comes from Ere and Weaker, which is an old name for insects. Oh, okay. So it literally translates to air insect because people believe they're buried into the air. Okay. Your story did also make sense. somebody have to pull over their car so someone

could be sick. Their daughter can vomit. First time using a menstrual cup, it got stuck, nearly ended up in A&E, but two hours of Reddit, squats and my boyfriend and flatmates coaching me from outside the bathroom, it was birthed. It was birthed.

I love that the flat came together. And I can imagine someone's got their laptop. They're like, have you tried the barbecue tongs? Because that's the thing, if you go on Reddit and you search it, it's definitely happened to somebody else. Oh, 100%. 100%.

If it happens to you, it's happened to somebody else and they've talked about it on the internet. Yeah, you're 100%. Talk about it. A relative of a new boyfriend at the time Had a bit of adult fun times. I forgot I had a tambourne. Okay.

Happens. Like a champ. He sterilized some tweezers, got in the reading. Good man. Like a champ. Good on him. You know, we're all grown-ups. He's a keeper.

He did it. My friends, would ghost pepper residue in my boxes as a joke? That's not a funny joke. Ghost pepper, like the hottest chill. It's the hottest. The pain was beyond imagination and some of my bits. I soaked my entire genital area in a 2-liter bottle of milk. Didn't stop it.

And then the swelling took off. So after the milk and ice and nothing work, it turns out I'm very allergic to something in the peppers. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so you had to go to A&E and show them your inflamed pepper. Wildly inflamed. Halapeno.

Your pepper looks like a capsicane. Oh, no. My sister had a mom. Byr it burrow down into her ear. And we read online, just pour booze in there and they drown in it. So half a bottle of gin went in that ear before she went to A&E and then she got told off of putting

gin in her ear at A&E as well. Are you going to happen to me the other half's going in my mouth? Yeah. Fire out. My dad got stung by a stingray on his boat. Wow, the barb went right, Stephen. I love stingrays. Me too, huge fat of the road.

They're beautiful. Egg race, stingrays, man throws. And when they're friendly, there's so many beaches and places they're friendly. They're so cool. My dad got stung by a stingray on his boat. Instead of calling the coast guard, he drove. the boat back to the marina and then drove home and then called my mum who's a doctor and she

flipped out and called the ambulance one millimeter away from the main artery in his leg a week in hospital with an open wound to make sure all of the spike was removed. Oh my god. Wow. I was walking through some long grass kicking it and moths were coming up and I

was like laughing and I sniffed one up my nose and I got lodged at that part in the back of the nose and I could just feel like like like like your friends that can sniff noodles up their nose and out their mouth. I was so jealous of people that could do that. You'd need a strong noodle. Yeah. And then he floss it between the mouth. That makes you feel a little bit so.

Yeah. When I was a kid, my dad squished his hand in a piece of farm machinery. He wrapped it in a rag and carried on working for a few hours. These old mates, eh? Unbelievable. And our work came back and there was just like blood drips all around the workshop and there was dad and the rag that he wrapped around his hand was just So that's not so much they tried anything before they were saying. And dad just did not want to go to me and E. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Haley.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Haley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. Do do do do do do do do to do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do all this week, fact of the day theme has been measurements specific to an item and today we're looking at yarn. Oh, thread or Shannon's excited? Shannon uses for knitting and crocheting and such. Okay. Well, there's a hank.

Like a Tom Hank. A hank, yeah, Tom Hank. A hank is a coil of yarn wound into a large loop. 560 yards in traditional British trade for a hank. So just quick side step because I'll lose control of this thought. Tom Hanks should open up a lamb shanks restaurant and call it. Hank Shanks. Tom Shanks. Tom Shanks.

Or have a range of hankies. Tom Hanks, Hanks. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Anyway, back to you. It's a great idea. Back to you in the studio. He could open a series of money lending

facilities. Tom Hanks, banks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He could... A drum shop, but he only sells Tom Toms, and it's Tom, Tom, Tom, Hanks. Tom, Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks.

Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom Hanks. He could open a shop that only sells cards of a way of saying, I appreciate your effort. Yeah, Tom, thanks. Yeah, Tom thanks. That's great. That's great. Tom thanks.

That's really good. Yeah. He could become a plastic surgeon that only does liposuction on your ankles and call it Tom Canks. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. He could unbuild tanks and sell them to country. Tom Hanks. Tanks. Tom Tanks. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Yeah. Yeah. He could have a collection of people from America

Tom Hanks Yanks. Yeah. Yeah, good, good. Yeah. Are we out now? Or do you run out of big dog up my sleep? Okay, what's your big one? I was just going to see if there was anything else floating around before I went for, Tom Hanks could release a series of videos on how to play with yourself. Yeah, he could. Oh, Vaughan, you really sullied. A beautiful segment there of us riffing Tom Hanks' business name. Tom wax. Tom Wax. Okay. I don't want to say you won that, but that was quite naughty, but...

It was naughty, but funny. But funny. I appreciate it. But I'm not laughing. From Tom Shanks to Tom Wings. It was a big journey. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. All right.

So today's fact is today. No, I got more. There's a skein. A skein is a sixth of a hank. Okay? If you want a skein of yarn, you'll be arguing one sixth of a hank. So there's six skis. skeins to a hang.

All right. There's also a spindle. There's a lay. There's a wrap. There's a not. There's a bundle. But nothing. I don't think people care.

To be honest, I don't think it's going to be better than Tom Hanks. It definitely wasn't a headline. And I'm glad that I actually sidestepped to make this more interesting. Yeah. It was pretty good. Yeah. It was pretty good.

And that's why having three of us on the show works. Yeah. You really saved a dull fact of the day there. I saw a floundering fish and I thought, how can I spice this up? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if we were to be honest. I'm out.

Well, today's back to the day. Tom Hanks' son, Colin actually has a handkerchief brand. Oh, you're kidding me. He does not. What if, what, okay, we've got some more here. Yarn, more like yorn. What if Tom Hanks provided straight, long pieces of wood? Tom Planks.

Yes. What if, what if Tom Hanks released a line of sort of, like, tightly fitting clothing you wore under your usual clothing to keep everything looking, like, tight and spelt? Tom Spank. Tom Spanx. I mean, we could just. we could just do this because someone, we've left Tom land and someone said Ed Sharon needs to open up a hairdress is called Headsharing.

I mean, that's brilliant. That's really good. That's really good stuff. Well, today's fact of the day, Tom Hanks should go into business. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day. a do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Play ZM's Fleshforn and Haley. The AA have surveyed over a thousand young drivers and almost one in four

admitted to scrolling social media behind the wheel. I reckon the other three and four thought it was a trap and lied. They're like, no, is this the police? Shut up. No way, don't. So the specific question was, in the past three months, how often have you done the following? And it was, they asked things like scrolled or watch TikToks while driving,

Instagram, Facebook, other social media. And, yeah, the survey found that more than half of the group also said they had would text or message during driving. So. I'm not proud of it. I've definitely checked a thing or here or there. Especially in traffic. I'm always like, I'm so bored by traffic.

Like crawling traffic. Yeah, but still it's, you're not allowed to, are you? Yeah. Oh, I thought we were getting those cameras. Yeah. Didn't they have to change? Didn't they have to pass something in Parliament? Oh, like the actual law before they...

Yeah, I think there's like a law that needed to be changed. Australia are ruthless with these cameras. They're everywhere. Like, yeah, you're driving around the city if they spot you on your phone, instant fines, and then big fines, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they go hefty in Australia, right. And then on long, on long weekends, they're like, guess what, guys, it's double de merit points. Yeah.

If you caught speeding or doing anything. Yeah, like it's a lot of Powerball weekend or something. We chucked a quick little poll out there saying young drivers admit to scrolling social media behind the wheel in a recent survey. Be honest. Have you used social media while driving? 53% of people said yes. Wow, so that's how. 47% of people said no.

Be honest. Zoe said only when stopped. Does that count? Only at the lights. I know I do that. Stop at the lights. Pick up the phone. But then you're at the lights and someone's not moving.

You're like, they're on their phone. And you give them a little beep and they're like, ah. Allie said, I'm literally on my phone right now replying to you. Oh, don't put this on us. She's putting this on us. She's putting that on us. Unbelievable.

She's a choice to mentally engage in the quickie little poll. I see so many people distracted by their phones while driving. I absolutely hate it. Somebody else said, our cat said, when stopped at lights, never while moving, is that okay? Again, it's not a loophole. Yeah. I'm currently at the Mount Mount Monganui, says Adam.

And the state of driving would suggest everybody's on social. scrolling. Endlessly. So yeah, people do. Just over half of the people responded to us. Said that they had do your social media while driving. Play ZM's Fletch Forne and Haley. And Haley apparently is cool with Gen Alpha.

Do you know who I have to thank for this? Fawn Smith. Six, seven. Like, dude. So you've been doing that a little bit recently because you have Gen Alpha kids. I'm pretty cool. I'm the cool dad. Are you?

You, she? Yeah, I honestly, when Andy's on video call. Yeah, but not for long. With her old mate Nikita, I'll walk up behind. I'll be like, what's up, Nikit? And she'll be like, not much. And then I'll be like, six, seven. And they laugh.

They laugh. I don't know if they're laughing at me or with me. I bet. She loved you calling her old mate Nikita, though. Nicket. So you brought this up. Six, seven. Because you kept doing it naturally.

And then we were like, what is that being old and uncone? And you kind of told us It's this Gen Alpha thing It's from some obscure song That they don't even like And it's a bit Some rapper and he's tall And then the chorus

It goes, da-da-da-da 6-7 Because that's his height And the kids just gravitated to it And now it's just kind of like An all in one saying Yeah So you brought this up

Maybe it was like a few days ago And it was on ear as well And that's my only Encounter with it I don't hang I don't know any gene alphas Really I'm never around them

Yeah So last night when I was at dinner getting this great yarn about the cockroach check it out on the podcast, if you missed her. They were there with their kids that were both Gen Alpha. And just at one point in the conversation, this, I think

their daughter goes to the mum like, do you know something about 6'7? And I just went 6'7 and they went, do you know it? And I was like, yeah, man. And they were like, oh my God, how do you, what? And I was like, 6'7. And they're like, oh my God.

And they immediately. thought I was so cool and I suddenly was like oh my god I love this feeling so much of relevance of being connected to what's cool right now especially as you're about to enter your late 30s

yeah early no mid mid mid 30s we're not late yet I'm pulling up the song for you to just play you the part I just don't know how I've never heard the song no you've never heard the song it's called doot do

By Scrilla Dude, by Scrilla But what, um... Are you talking over 6'7? This is like me you talk over Shania Okay, go again This is this generation This is not like him talking over Shana

Bro put a belt rate today Behano way that sweet grub I know he done Six seven Six seven George's face Guys what in the here is happening Get with the program

Come on man You know it was actually not even you two that I heard this from Kim Kardashian's on it. She did something with it yesterday and she's like six, seven. I was like, because she's got you now for kids. No, embarrassing. She's too late. Wait, what? How long have you been

six, seven? A while, yeah. Weeks. Months. Month. A month. I just made it seem to these kids and I was like all over it. Like, no stress. And the mum was like, wait, what is this? I was like, oh, babes. It's just like part of this song. And there's this bit we're referring to like being tall, like a basketball and like six seven. And the kids were just like, oh my God.

They just thought it was so cool. and it really gave, it really, like, renewed my sense of self. That these gen outfits that are, like, so connected to, like, everything that is cool. Yeah. Thought the Haley Sproul was awesome and cool. The fact that you knew what it was about, though, like, I didn't get that there was a basketball reference in there. Like, how did you get, I didn't get any of that? It's called acting.

Do you know what I mean? Once they're like, do you know what that is? You're just like, yeah, babes. And then I literally just repeated what Vaughn had told us a few days before. Yeah. So thank you, Vaughn, so much for being my gateway. To relevancy. Technically, technically, you stole my brain right.

I counted 79 all rights today. Fletcher, I believe that's a new personal record. Oh, fuck off. How many of those did you count? 79 of those, too. All right. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Oh, fuck off.

Play ZM's Fletchhorn and Haley.