ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 12th January 2025

Episode Date: January 11, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; One of you has a little (anon) confession for us!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sledgeborn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special. Our live show and big pod are back on the

20th of January. What episode's this, 23? This is 23. We're just so proud of us, Hans. 23, and we're starting with Jess B, who's 32. Jess B rhymes with 23, and 32 the other way around is 23. How? What's the word? That's creepy. Not synonymous?

Serendipitous. Serendipitous. Serendipitous. Serendipity. Serendipity. Jess is, this message is to my sister Dana. Dana. D-A-Y-N-A, Dana.

Dana. Remember recently on the show we had a Danya. Yeah. It was kind of spelled the same. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is Dana. Dana left for Aussie.

We both listen every day and came to the live show this year. Miss you. I'm so sad you won't be here with your Christmas magic for my babies this year. I hope you're having the best time in Aussie, even though you're a fucking traitor. It is hard being away from family. I hate that my brother lives in Australia. We'd hang out so much best time in Aussie even though you're a fucking traitor. It is hard being away from family. I hate that my brother lives in Australia. We'd hang out so much

if we lived in the same city. Yeah, I hate my brother lives in a different city. Fuck that. Bad acting's back. His back one's again for his BAFTA. And he's getting raspberries.

He's getting raspberries. Yeah. Nicest thing that happened this year was buying my parents' house when they decided to buy a house bus and start travelling

to South Ireland. So even though all my family left me, at least now I own a house. Wait, so she bought the house off of her parents? Yeah. Genius. So even if the parents' house isn't in the Mackie, right, they'd just go around the South Island in a house bus. But they all get sick of living in a bus and be like,

can we have our house back? Some of them don't. Like when we were tenting once and there was this beautiful mobile home and I was kind of looking at it and the guy came out and he's like, oh, good day mate. And he was this old boy. I was like, what do you like live here? You're really well set up. He's like, we live here for three months.

This was in Matauri Bay up north. Beautiful. Oh my God. One of my most favourite places in the world. And good lying there because I know you've never been. And because we've talked about this before. I was just agreeing with you. The less you say, the better.

Great line from you. So good. And actually, that takes back, if you were listening last episode, that's one less arse-to-mouth conversion you lost the show. That's back in the books. Fantastic line. It's great. And he's like, we live here for three months,

and we'll go around for another three months in summer, and then we'll go. And he's just like, same person. When do you go to fuck people? In your own bus. I don't think he's fucking anyone apart person. When do you go to fuck people? In your own bus. I don't think he's fucking anyone apart from his wife. Wild. Crazy concept.

Wild. A cinder block toilet. He's old school. Hot. Who would do that? Do you know my parents? Lie. Lie.

And you have joined us for episode 18 of Where's My Jazz and Fucked. And we are yet to find a single place. My parents actually thought of this because they were like, it's so expensive in New Zealand. They didn't think of it. They didn't invent. And we had to find a single place. My parents literally thought of this because they were like, it's so expensive in New Zealand. They didn't think of it. They didn't invent it. No, no, no.

They considered doing it themselves. Stop making your parents seem out to be a legend. My parents are the creator of every good idea ever. My dad invented the internet. But when they, because they only live in New Zealand for half the year, they were like, we can't be bothered owning a house.

We'll just go around in a bus. Now, you've met Patsy, as if. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your mum's in a bus. Your dad could easily, you feel your dad's an easily pleasurable man. He's not fair, he's got Alzheimer's. Imagine, I'm not trying to make a joke about it,

but you can't move around a man who's got Alzheimer's. Yeah. He wakes up in a similar place, but he opens the door and it's completely different. What is this? It's good to joke or we cry. We've got to laugh. We've got to laugh.

Naughtiest moment of the year was ditching work to come to the live show in Auckland instead of working. Anything extra? Just a nice compliment there and another compliment and then another compliment. And then I've been on three. Sometimes he skips over my personal ones. No, nothing personal.

Crazy. I've been on three maternity leaves in the past seven years. Thanks for keeping me company and keeping me sane. Next person. Thanks, in the past seven years. Thanks for keeping me company and keeping me sane. Next person. Thanks, by the way, Jess. I hope all is well and you enjoy a beautiful Christmas with your, or have enjoyed a beautiful Christmas. Yes.

This will be playing in the media, won't it? It'll be past. It'll be post-Xmas. Yeah. Next. Name has asked to be anonymous. Fantastic. About me.

I'm a 28-year-old Aucklander who's an old friend of the show who once compiled a list of over 400 page of the days back in the day when it was page of the day, not fact of the day, and I was supposed to be studying for NCEA. Oh, wow. Is this triggering you? Because this is before my time. Yeah.

2010? Yeah. A long time ago. A long time ago. You were just a fetus. Yeah, A long time ago. A long time ago. I was barely born. You were just a fetus. Yeah, I was. Tiny.

My shout out goes to Olivia who's just had her third baby. So skinny. So skinny. Go away. Yeah. And you had that lovely jaundice tan. Yeah, correct. Year round jaundice.

Go away. Seven pounds. Man, remember the good old days and Plunkett were like she's one she's in the lowest quarter I'm trying I'm trying thanks bitch I love this little small office you've got here I literally barely work out I eat and I sleep and I shit and that is my fucking life and I look great in linen my shout out goes to Olivia

who has just had her third baby we're long long long long long time podcast listeners absolutely love the live shows I love Olivia more than myself and I would do anything for it love you Liv you're incredible

now imagine someone saying something so nice but they're anonymous and you don't know who they are well Olivia will know Olivia will know yeah can't believe you're a mum of three, Olivia.

Olivia! We used to just be crazy children obsessed with Fletcher Vaughan and now Hayley. Thanks for coming to Wild Flutters with me on the one night of freedom you got heavily, heavily pregnant. Oh my God, I met this person. Because I met the friend. I did, eh?

And I met the friend and she was heavily pregnant. And I was like, that's so amazing that you came. But they shall remain anonymous. I should have no other defining features. Nicest thing that happened this year, I bought a purebred cat, cough, cough, cough, adopted slash rescued from a breeder. Yeah, we call that rescue.

Shame on you. Because these fucking breeders, they go out and they breed these cats, and you have to buy them to save them from euthanasia. And they're like, oh my God, give us $1,000. You're like, fine, fine, just to save the cat. And now look at my cat thriving. Sitting on a reusable shopping bag. Overweight.

Hot, overweight. If I paid however much you paid for that cat and it sat on a bag, I'd be like, for fuck's sake, sit on a throne, you know? You'd do something. Sit somewhere nice. He just loves those. It's something about reusable shopping bags of fabric. Fucking loves them.

Really? Like, I put one down on the ground after going to the supermarket one day, and that was it. It was over. That's the bag. That's all he sat on. And now I can put that anywhere. You've got two lovely beds.

Yes. Like, couches, carpet, anything. The tiles in the bathroom, he will sit on that 100 times out of 100 times. Well worth it then. Money well spent. Otherwise, 100%. I would have said 10 out of 10. 10 times out of 10. Whoever 100, it's 10. well spent. Otherwise 100%. I would have said 10 out of 10. 10 times out of 10.

Yeah. You were for 100. I just wanted to reiterate that he sits on those a lot. All the time. I look at him stretching out now. He's like, yeah, buddy, this is my bed. He loves it. Smile, Paul.

I love it. I wonder what it is it is. So after I left my old job, I got six weeks of leave payout and I rescued a cat from a breeder. Naughtiest moment of the year, submitting some interesting online media. I'm sorry, Hayley and Jeremy Wells. What? After Hayley insisted there was no fanfic

about it. I'm actually not sorry at all, but I had a massive chuckle about it and my friends had a great time reading it and then looking at me with big shocked eyes after I wrote that for fun on my phone on my train ride home. Oh my god. Oh I love it. Live, love, laugh, live, laugh, smart. Now we read this out on air, but obviously we omitted quite a lot of the smart.

And I read it to you boys about how I got the role on Taskmaster. And then they wrote one about you. By pleasuring. Jeremy Wells. Upon my knees. Yeah. Jeremy Wells, fellow broadcaster. Also, she does add anything extra.

Vaughn, you're still my pass card. XX, call me. I can't help that there's all this thirsty woman out there after me, James. I cannot believe. I don't even know how I look at the guy when I go to work. No, no. How do we do it? We try not to do eye contact, don't we?

We don't look at each other in the eyes. We get a bit horny. Three of the hottest people you've ever met all working together. We cannot look. It's the secret to success. Yeah, I know. Genuine friends but no eye contact. And modest as well.

Modest. Really modest. Very, very important. Well, thank you, Anonymous. Thank but no eye contact. And modest as well. Modest. Modesty. Very, very important. Well, thank you, Anonymous. Thank you so much for the fanfic as well. It really made my day. On the next episode, Hannah and Graham. Graham!

Graham! A classic name.