ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 13th January 2025

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; Therapist Vaughan is brought in once again to resolve another toe issue...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

Sledgeborn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special, our big pod live show. Little bits of pod are all back on the 20th of January. Yes. And might I say how – why? What's happening? I just got an email. It's all – look here. It says it's all – see what this says here. Don't read that out.

Don't read that out. That's crazy. Are you fucking serious? There's a whole lot of management jargon at the top, but then at the bottom here you can just see it's all up in the air. There wasn't enough ass to mouth and we've been let go. Yeah, we've been let go. Yeah, we've been let go. We need to try as we might.

We need to bring more asses straight to mouths. It's going to be KPIs. We've got to hit those KPIs. Today, who's up for a shout out first, Vaughn? I was just doing some admin on the rest of the shout outs actually. I've perfectly worked out exactly how many we do. Do you want to shout out someone, Fletch? No.

In the podcast personally? I'm absolutely fine, yeah. Vaughn, any shout outs? I've only got one very close friend that listens to every podcast. I don't know if he listens over the holidays because he listens when he's at work. So that would be Mike. Love Mike. Mike and Monica.

Yeah, none of my friends listen. Nah. Yeah, they're like, it's not for me. Ah, it's not for me. Yeah. Not really. They're like, yeah. Not even to support me.

Mike and Monica. Mike and Monica. He listens to every podcast. You know Mike. Yeah, I know Mike. Callum listens on the drive to work, but not the podcast. Yeah, right and Monica He listens to every podcast You know Mike Yeah I know Mike Callum listens on the drive to work But not the podcast Yeah right

But he listens to a lot of podcasts But there's some support From friends there Which is nice Yeah that's nice That's nice Minimal friends My mum stopped listening I think

Remember she was big She would listen in Italy Yeah she got over the bullshit Yeah she got over the bullshit Yeah She was like I'm more than just content I'm your mother

And yeah that's it Yeah You're like bitch This is part of the whole package Yeah Now how about that ass to mouth shit. She's like, I'm more than just content. I'm your mother. That's it. You're like, bitch, this is part of the whole package. Now how about that ass to mouth? You've got to get these asses to mouths, mum. It's not doing it itself. Hannah, imagine just tuning in to this podcast.

If you're just tuning in, you've got to go back. If you've just tuned in, it's a marketing term for converting listeners to ears. It's eyes to ears. You see us on TikTok. You listen to us on podcast. That's called an eyes to ears conversion.

Or as we've called it for a bit more spice in the marketing department, the ass to mouth conversion. The ass to mouth. Yeah. If you are just joining us, please go back 23 episodes and start from the beginning. It's a progression. It is. It's a long story.

Yeah. Can I just say I'm proud of us though? Me too. It's a progression. It is. It's a long story. Yeah. Can I just say I'm proud of us, though? Me too. Everyone's really holding it together. Holy moly. I feel like I'm about to go. Yeah, there was a couple of moments in the last one. We took a bit of a break between the last podcast and this podcast.

It's sort of like I stuck my head out the window. You know why? James makes strong espresso martinis. Oh, I know. And keeps topping me up. That's he espresso. He's so cute. He makes us drinkies.

He's got great legs. He's got a heart. He's making espressos. Beautiful. Although we're like, we're actually really proud that we're doing really well. Shopper! Espresso! Hannah says, hey guys. Hey that we're doing really well. Shut up! Hannah says, hey, guys.

Hey, Hannah. Hey, Hannah. I'm from the Hunter Valley, New South Wales, Australia. If you hadn't already been aware that it's in Australia. G'day. After Hunter Valley and New South Wales, I'm an early childhood educator. I love to sew and I hate socialising. Well, there we go.

Wow. But I also hate being bored. It's a loose loose. Oh, yeah. I don't get bored anymore. I don't need to socialise. But I, you know. Oh, my God lose-lose. Oh, yeah. I don't get bored anymore. I don't need to socialise. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

So sorry. I just touched your toe again. I'm so sorry. Just pause. Pause. I knew it was going to be another time and we had to end it. Just because I've got a sore knee and a strap. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let me. Come on. Let me. I just have to stretch my legs sometimes. First of all, I want to thank you both for acknowledging that there's a situation here and for coming back to me. Thank you, Vaughan, for making time. There's no situation here. Thank you, Vaughan, for making time. There's nothing. Just sort this out now.

Just nap it in the back. And we don't expect to solve problems first time around. This takes sort of a reprogramming of habitual behaviour. And I appreciate you for appreciating that, Hayley Fletch. Thank you. We need to acknowledge and we need to, before we can solve a problem, we need to acknowledge there's a problem.

For me, can I speak? You may, yes. For me, my desire is to be able to move forward as we were before that moment. Yeah, because we had kind of overcome the last time. Look at me. I need us as friends to be able to move forward from our toes kissing for a second time. I can move forward. Wait, because we actually need to talk

about intention. Before we can talk about, you know, moving on, we need to talk about intention. How do you feel the intention? What was the intention of the toe touch? I wholeheartedly believe Vaughn and correct me if I'm wrong, Fletch. Please, I'll wait until she's finished. Yeah, please. Do you see?

Yeah. I think the intention was for him to uncross his legs and recross them the other way to adjust for comfort. I think in doing that, unintentionally, I believe he has grazed my toe with his toe. I have, yes. It is not your turn. I'll just wait just until the end.

I just wanted to say, do you see? I do see. Just wait until the end. It's all right. We've got a whole hour black now. We've got lots of time. Do we? Okay.

Yeah. So I'm happy to accept it was unintentional move forward, but I don't want things to be awkward for us. And I want him to be honest that if he was trying to make a move, I want him to be clear with that because I don't want secrets in this friendship. I value this friendship deeply. Okay. There are no secrets in this room.

That's my rule. I don't want any secrets. That's not even your rule. That's my rule. Okay. Well, I abide by that rule. No secrets. Is it my time now? Well. Can you room. I don't want any secrets. That's not even your rule. That's my rule. Okay, well I abide by that rule. No secrets. Is it my time now? Can you see? I wasn't even finished.

I was about to ask if she was happy to pass the baton. Thank you for hearing me. And we have heard you. I feel heard. What was your recount of events? I don't want to fuck or anything. You've got to open up. Oh my God,

so now he just thinks I'm repulsive and that just makes me Hayley, Hayley, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, but I'm just, this is how I feel and I have to be the same.

Give the boy a chance to air it. Yeah, it was an accident and I'm sorry. Okay. I don't want anything out of this. Okay, well don't screw

up your nose. Like at all. I don't think screwing up the face helped the situation. I could be so repugnant to want to face Helps the situation I feel like it's You might not want to Lots of people do so it's fine that you don't

Lots of people want to Let's move on to Hannah I feel good I'm not ready to move I'm not moving on until you guys move on And if you're ready to move on There's no tension She There's no tension. She hates socialising

and she hates being bored. It's a lose-lose situation in my brain. I listened to a podcast recently about, you know, the problem with kids these days, they never learnt to be bored. Shit, we had lots of boredom

in the 80s and 90s. Yeah. Mum, I'm bored. Good, my mum used to say. Yeah. Good, you've got to learn to work your way out of that bored. My mum used to say

only bored people get bored. Oh my God, so did my mum. Only boring mum used to say only bored people get bored oh my god so did my mum only boring people get bored only boring people get bored yeah

and I was like shut up bitch and she'd give me a hiding you say that oh my god Ford hated that you hated that

I hate that when I hear the kids even if shut up never never fuck no my mum would to this day

dick me or look at my dad. And my dad would be like, sorry about this. Boof. Please smack me in the face. Sorry about this. You're 40. I'm going to knock you the fuck out. You're going to get knocked the fuck out by a 68-year-old man.

You've got teenage girls. You're about to get some half words of you. I get so shitty when they talk to shitey disrespect. Because they don't do it to me because I don't. I'm like, what the fuck did you just say? I told them to shut the fuck up in the nicest possible way yesterday. I was like, say? I told them to shut the fuck up in the nicest possible way yesterday. I was like,

both of you, please, shut the fuck up in the nicest possible way. I love you more than you can ever imagine but shut the fuck up with this arguing

and petty bullshit. So they never do it but I've heard them speak to Sade and I just turn around and I look at them and they stop. Yeah.

That's why I hit you. Shut up. That was actually child abuse. It was actually abuse. It was abuse. You deserved why I hit you. Shut up. That was actually abuse. It was abuse. You deserved it. I never swore at my parents either. Never, never, never, never, never.

No, no, fucks no, neither. We would have been punched in the mouth. Jesus Christ, they would have boxed up my shit and been like, get the fuck out of my house. Good luck to you. Who's the bitch now? You are your homeless bitch. Who's the bitch now? You are your homeless bitch. Who's the bitch now?

Merry Christmas to everybody, says Hannah, except those who don't and won't indicate properly at a roundabout and those that take up a whole shopping aisle to gas bag. Take it elsewhere. Sometimes if it's not too much of a turn out of the roundabout, I won't indicate. I'll indicate in. Aaron's a bad indicator.

And it's an ick for me. It's become an ick. I'm so sorry. But what about a roundabout where you're pretty much always driving straight? No, because you need to indicate out.

But there's no one else there. So go straight, not indicating and as I'm about to exit, indicate. So the other people who are coming in know that you're leaving.

Those are the roundabouts where the indicator gets left on. Oh my God, it always said Aaron. If the car doesn't automatically turn off the indicator,

I'm not indicating. No, you have to manually do it. No, car doesn't automatically turn off the indicator, I'm not indicating. No, you have to manually do it. No, I won't. Do you know I've done this to Aaron before and he fucking almost hit the roof. I've seen him go to exit and not indicate and I smacked the indicator on myself. Because I told him so many times, you need to indicate to exit. Indicate to exit. He didn't do it.

So I just smacked it on. He was like, that's so distracting. I was like, you know what's distracting? Your fucking terrible driving. So when I'm driving and it's raining but then the rain stops and I leave the windscreen on myself I'm like,acked it on. He was like, that's so distracting. I was like, you know what's distracting? Your fucking terrible driving. So when I'm driving and it's raining but then the rain stops and I leave the windscreen on myself. Whack it off.

Whack it off. Whack it off. Mine's the same thing they're having at the end of this year when my vest rain surprised me with a moon lamp.

A moon lamp? I thought you were about to say a moon landing. I was like, fuck, cool. We haven't been there since like the 70s. What's a moon lamp?

It has a photo of me and my dad etched on it for my 30th. Like a lava lamp. Or is it one of those ones that you turn on the light underneath? Oh, and it looks like the moon. It's laser etched. We go moon lamp NZ. That will be added. It will look like the moon.

How does it get a photo of your parents on it? Personalised moon lamp. I don't know. I don't know. This looks right up my alley though, eh? My kids got one of these for Christmas one year. They got that purple one that you just went past. So not like the moon. No, they're going for

my four-year-old's interior. My four-year-old at the time's aesthetic doesn't match up with your interior design. They're about to go through. That's quite witchy. And I know I feel it in my soul that the girls are going about to hit into their witchy phase. And I tell you what, I was going through my clothes the other girls are going about to hit into their witchy phase and I tell you what I was going through

my clothes the other day I am so ready how many lace skirts I'm so ready for it I just need to get them back on board they're going to look so good at the school ball

in one of your gothy or Wednesday season 2 you know they've finished filming it's out next year when they decide and it will happen Vaughn

that they want to dye their hair black I did it for 10 years send them over to my house I'll do it Aunty Hayley's got them. Auntie Hayley's got them. Auntie Hayley's got them. And you'll give a couple of cans of

what? Seven up. Yes. Of course. Winkity dinkity. Minority's moment of the year is my road rage. I kind of picked that up earlier when she went on about the road rage. Yeah, just drop it already. Thanks for the podcast. Life's brighter being with you guys and sharing your life.

Oh, that's nice. That's lovely. Thanks, Hannah. Thanks, Hannah. It's so light. You make life brighter. Oh, that's nice. Thank you, Hannah.

We'll keep that for you. I'll speak on behalf of the group. No, no, no. We are very appreciative. We receive your compliments open-heartedly. Grammy is next. Grammy! Graham Kilder.

My name is Graham. I'm 28. I was born in Scotland, but I'm now living in California. Graham! I wonder if he's been to New Zealand. Chuckie Kilder My name is Graham I'm 28 I was born in Scotland But I'm now living in California Graham I wonder if he's been to New Zealand Chuckie Kilder at the front there Very impressive visit If he's never been here

I'm a big hockey fan And love beer In moderation of course Fantastic I quite like Do you know If you teach a Scottishman How you speak Maori

They do it well Because of the Rs Because of the rolling of the Rs They roll it Maori They kind of do it really well That was nice Thank really well that was nice thank you that's one of

your best accents I know because sometimes it just bounces to India and I don't know how to get back Irish Irish is right

next door Ireland and India I try with my Irish and then suddenly I won't yeah good place to

stop there Merry Christmas to you guys and the whole team I wanted to thank you for inspiring my wife and I's recent trip to

beautiful country of New Zealand oh you have been to New Zealand listen to the podcast thank you for inspiring my wife and I's recent trip to a beautiful country of New Zealand. Oh, you have been to New Zealand. Listen to the podcast every day while on the road. And it's been the perfect companion during my time as a truck driver. I wonder if there's one of those truck drivers. There's one with a cat like mine and it sits on the front dash. Really?

And it's a British Blue. And it lives in a truck. And it just goes on the road with him. And it's so cool. Cute. Cute. I wish you could take my cat with me. You'll get to find him. Can I ask a question?

Digress? Yeah. Commission. You got a cat bag, one of those Japanese style cat bags. Oh my God, it's still at work. I keep forgetting.

Oh, because I want to see if Mary's going to fit in it more than anything. I don't think he is. He's a fast cat. I don't think he is. But they like being in smalls

but they like being in boxes and stuff. Cats. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, but open. Open, yeah. Open lips so they know they can escape. Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be all fluff. He took them out of the hallway before to look at the other cat. He was like, take me back inside, Dad. Yeah, he doesn't like it. The nicest thing that happened this year was being asked to be my best friend's co-best man. He has a stepbrother. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So he shared the role of best friend's co-best man. He has a stepbrother. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So you shared the role of best man. So, yeah, shared duties. Okay. How many times have you been in a bridal party? Fletch? A couple. A couple? Have I?

Yours. No, maybe just once. Just once. Twice. Oh, my God, bad friend. Vaughan, how many times have you been in a bridal party? The thing when he said that his friend has a stepbrother, I was like, washing machine.

Same. How? Do you think the stepbrother was stuck in the washing machine? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I think the stepsister might have been stuck. Yeah, that's right. She was just trying to reach in the back to grab a rogue sock.

She got her arm locked in there. I just don't see how you'd get stuck. No, you shouldn't have your fingers anywhere in a washing machine that they could get stuck. Okay. The naughtiest moment of my year was seeing Hayley Sproul's Wild Flooders show in Auckland. It was a hilarious and unforgettable experience.

Yeah, it is a naughty show. Very naughty. P.S. Vaughan, thanks for the recommendations for our trip in New Zealand. We can't wait to come back. That's lovely. That's nice. As the show's communicator.

A full supporter of us on and off the show. We really appreciate it. Wonderful. Thank you for those tips too, Vaughan. That's nice of you. I like to do that. Oh, no, I've just removed all the staples. Yeah, see, I've been very careful removing my pages

because of this exact same thing. Very careful. Yeah, I've stuffed up here. Who's, little tease. Yeah, next episode, Sarah and Gavin. Like, Stacey and Gavin. I know you're a huge fan of James Corden. Oh, I love him so much.

He does not believe the rumours. No matter how many times he's saying he's a famous asshole. And he's like, no, not my James. Not my James. Like Gavin and Stacey, except it's Gavin and Sarah. Next time on this little excursionary series we like to call...