ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 14th January 2025

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; Who thought we'd ever end up in a sentence that features Jason Derulo and running?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special. Our big pod and live show is back on the radio and podcasting on the 20th of January. That's correct. Gold, we've been so repaced, haven't we? We've done good pacing.

You're really good. Repacing. Really good repacing. I am ready, though, because we've had a wild espresso martini. We've had some Amperol Spritz. We've had our little tequilas, our Albas. You're having a little whiskey Vaughan. You're going at a slow pace.

I'm ready for something kind of exciting. Oh, okay. That's what I'm going to say. After we finish this, I'm ready for something a bit creative. Interesting. Not as creative as we got the first year when we'd finished recording

and everyone had left, but a few of us, well, the three of us, James, you were there, hung behind, and I made a drink consisting of Kahlua,

tequila, maybe vodka, and a slice of lemon. You're the reason And a slice of lemon You're the reason I don't remember Getting home from McDonald's Yeah Totally

Yeah And I'm the reason Why I have a big scar On my legs still Yeah Yeah Okay so as we went From that moderation

Moderation Everything in moderation But I'm going to come up With something creative For our next cocktail Lovely Sarah Is the first cab

Out of the ranks This episode Hi Sarah She's 29 years old And she hails From the mighty Ototahi Christchurch. Beautiful. Merry Christmas to three great humans. Thank you.

And also to my lovely – it's gone. And then it's gone. And then it's gone. We've got a formatting issue there. We've got a formatting issue. Apologies for that. Also to my lovely boyfriend, Arnold. Yeah, or husband.

Who has supported me endlessly. I don't think there's or husband. Who has supported me endlessly. I don't think there's a husband. And makes me a very happy woman at night. Okay. Every night. Yeah, no, it's not that. Because her naughtiest moment is next. It says, a girl never kisses and tells.

But all I can say is I hope 30 brings much the same as 29. Sex, drugs and rock and roll in that order. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah, good. Okay. Do you think she also Had a three day sex romp In a hotel in Perth

With the drummer From the backup band I think so Yeah early callback there I think so Yeah yeah And if you've just joined us Go back

24 episodes ago Start a Christmas cocktail special And have a little look-see Okay so it must be Merry Christmas to you Three great humans And also to my lovely sister Friend

Who has just given birth To my beautiful niece Cassandra Oh what a name I'm just filling in blanks To my bestie to my lovely sister who has just given birth to my beautiful niece, Cassandra. Oh, what a name. I'm just filling in blanks. To my bestie, to my lovely best friend, Jess, my best friend,

Sarah, Jess, who is really living life in Colombia and doing all the good things. Yeah. Yes, anything extra to add?

She says, yes, I ran the Auckland Half Marathon this year and between you three and Jason Derulo, what? No hate? No hate about Jason. And between you three and Jason Derulo. What? No hate?

No hate about Jason Derulo. Between you three and Jason Derulo. We've seen the photos, haven't we? Oh, so she was listening to us during a half marathon and Jason Derulo. Did you notice as soon as I said Jason Derulo's got a big, James over there got his phone to Google it. What a fucking absolute pervert. There's a photo shoot in which he's coming out of a pool.

Yeah, yeah. He's got a big old wang. And he's very aware of the fact that the shape is wrong. He's very aware that it's shapely. It's shapely. And it's hanging to one side. It's substantial. I'll say that much.

And we're talking about in its semi-state. Measuring, how you measure the weight of these things is displacement. He'd need quite a large bucket. He'd need quite a large bucket. He'd need quite a large bucket. He'd want those big orange Mitre 10 ones. Mitre 10, big 20-litre Mitre 10 bucket. Okay, okay. James, looking, and eyebrows are raised.

Yeah, there we go. Sarah also said I got through the half marathon. Yes, there it is. It's literally at 90 degrees. Yeah. Because if it was down, it would be out the bottom of the shorts. You could probably set something on that, like a shelf. It is like a shelf.

You put some little sources. A small shelf. Something sort of ornamental. Maybe a reed diffuser. A small pot plant. Yeah. A string of hearts. A small cactus.

Yeah. Some succulents. I listened to you guys when I ran the New York Marathon back in 2018, and I got a shout out during. I'm slowly getting back into long distance running after a hiatus. Thanks for having me distracted on some long ass runs. That's lovely, Sarah. Thank you.

Never been able to run. Have you tried? Yeah, I definitely tried. I did the couch to 5K thing like 10 years ago. Okay. Never been a runner. Tried that, got to 5K. How is it hard to take, like drag the couch?

That was what tripped me up the whole time. I was like, I'm following the app. I'm following the rules. I think I would be faster. It's just awkward. It's an awkward sign. I'm in, I'm following the app. I'm following the rules. I think I would be faster. It's just awkward. It's an awkward sign. I'm in Wellington, uphill, down, down. You've got a five-seater L-shaped couch. It's hard to drag around.

It'd be like my couch. It's very heavy. The big L-shaped. And all the cushions because they didn't say to take the cushions off. I was dragging this thing around in Wellington. It was really hard, so I gave up. You tried, though. Yeah, I did. But you gave up. Yeah, everyone was like, what's with the couch? I was like, I'm following the app.

As long as you try and give up, it's okay. You tried first before you gave up. Try, try, try. And if you don't succeed, give up. Give up. Yeah. And never try again. Rather than try again.

No, no, never try again. It seems a waste of trying. Why would you? You've already tried three times at this point. Yeah, and you've failed all three times? Yeah. Signs point to it. You want to be a four-time loser?

Yeah. Yeah. Try something different. Put that on a horse. Christmas message. Char want to be a four-time loser? Yeah. Try something different. Put that on a horse. Christmas message, Charis. Said like Paris, but with a ch.

So Charis, I nailed it. Or Chari. Huh? We're talking about gay Paris. Yeah. It could be Chari. Chari.

Chari. Why you can't do a French accent? Chari. Say Paris. Paris. Oh no, you're giving it hard. I can't stop rolling the R's.

Paris. Paris. Paris. We'll say Charis. Char're giving it far too hard. I can't stop rolling the R's. Paris. Paris. Paris. We'll say Charis. Charis. This is for you to listen more, and we have more to talk about than just our lame kids. Oh, that's not very nice. I hope you enjoy our Christmas present.

I got you everyone. What? Now, hold on. He's having trouble with sentences again. I think this is quite bizarrely written. This is for you to listen more, and we have more to talk about than just our lame kids. Ha, ha, ha. So he's saying we can talk about this.

We can talk about this. Yeah. Not just our lame kids. I hope you enjoy your Christmas present. I got you. Everyone who I've told what I'm giving you has said I'll either be dead or single before New Year. Ah, right.

So what we need here, Gavin, is some commas. Okay, can you put them in? I'll put one here. Put them in because I'm lost. Let's just comma there for Gavin. I hope you enjoy your Christmas present, comma. That would actually be a full stop. I would actually put, if I may, Gavin.

No, no, no. I hope you enjoy your Christmas present. I got you. That Christmas present. No, I got you. You've put the comma in the wrong place. That Christmas present I got you. Yes, yes, because I was near.

Comma. Everyone who I've told. I'm giving you. Everyone who I've told that present I got you. Yes, yes, because I was near. Comma. Everyone who I've told I'm giving you. Everyone who I've told that I'm giving you. No, what I'm giving you. What I'm giving you has said I'll either be

dead or single. Comma. Or single before the new year. Full stop. Yeah, that's a lot better. I've told lots of people what I've got you and they're saying,

oh my God, you'll be dead or single. You'll be dead or single. FVH, what are your thoughts? Mute the mics. Not bad. I thought I bought Sade one of these. Oh, no, because then they'll find out.

Oh, wait, Christmas has already been. It's well after Christmas. It's well after Christmas. It's a bissel for like upholstery and carpet cleaning, spot cleaning, but it's a dupe. I've still got yours in my garage, don't I? Yeah, you do. I reckon it'll be fine.

Like they're all the same thing. No, I bought Sade one kind of like as a ha-ha, but she really liked it. I have to do all the business. Ha-ha, clean the fucking couch. She said there's this thing on the couch, and I was like, oh yeah, and I bought her one, being like, I got you something.

She was like, oh rad. Was it just like a Kmart one or something? No, I bought her probably Bissell. No, he got the actual Bissell. Oh, right. And now it's in my garage, as are your other vacuum cleaner attachments. I've really got quite a lot

and his leaf blower. We might as well just move in together. Anywho, Vaughan, every year Charis and I sit down and watch

your Christmas streams. It's now become a tradition so please do it and this is where I set up the reindeer runway with my dad. We're doing it again this year? Yeah, definitely.

So fun. Yeah, but do they like, are they, you know, like... My kids are kind of like, yeah, but my dad will still do it. Oh, that's cute.

There's other kids and stuff. That's nice. Fletcher do one too for all the debauchery he gets up to. A live Christmas dream. Absolutely not. I'm going to be in a national park. Columbia. Merry Christmas to all carbon-based life forms who celebrate the naughtiest moment of the year.

Me and Charis went swinging. Oh. No more information. Gav Gav. That and thenis went swinging. Oh! No more information! GavGav! That and then blank. No, that, blank. Well, how did it go? Was it the first time? How did it go? It must have been. We're not going to need more info than that.

So Gavin and Charis went swinging. What do we, is it a keys in a bowl? Is it a house party? Or did they just go to a park and go on the swings? We don't know. We don't know because they haven't elaborated. Someone get this boy a singlet.

I know. He's cold. He's lost. He's confused. I'm sorry. I don't know about these. No, he doesn't. And again, join us for the next episode of Where Fletch Hasn't Had Sex.

Yeah. And why isn't Fletch getting better at lying? Yeah. And anything extra, Gavin says cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di. And cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di.