ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 16th January 2025

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We hear from one of our show lesbians and one of you had a wild 'almost' moment!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special, the big pod and live shows back on the 20th of January. This headphone cord is really invading my space. It goes across the whole table. I reckon lift up your microphone and slide it under there. Yes, that's what I'm trying to do. And then it will rest against the chair. There we go, lovely. A little behind the scenes there of how the sausage is made.

Yeah, a little curly cord. If you were ever on the phone in the 90s sausages make yeah a little curly cord if you were ever on the phone in the 90s you'll remember those curly cords wrapping around the banister Sophie says

I'm currently coming from Goa India which I believe is our first Indian podcast shout out for this round do they have amazing beaches there

yeah yeah and Sri Lanka Sri Lanka good beaches yeah it looks fantastic oh Matt's here. Hi, Matt.

Matt, do you have a Christmas message for our listeners? No. No, he doesn't. I'm currently coming to you from Goa, India. I've been traveling around for the last month-ish, standing in the north and working my way down south. It's been beautiful, noisy, overwhelming, and a little hard at times,

but an overall incredible experience. I'm going to Zhangzhou, China. Guangzhou. Guangzhou. Oh, my God, that's embarrassing. He doesn't know how to say Guangzhou. I'm probably saying it wrong, too, but I've been there a couple of times. Next is stay with my girlfriend, Lesbians.

Hello. You are the preferred station, and I drove a Honda CR-V. Well, then you're not a proper lesbian. No, you're just a Mazda BT-50. Yeah, yeah. Just do a trade-in, and we'll just let it pass. Yeah, do a trade-in. They'll take a CRV at a stretch.

They will. In fact, we will do a trade because we've got a Mazda BT50, Aaron and I. Neither lesbians. Yeah. Sometimes. I can admit that. She's been working over there on a six-month contract long distance, baby. Do you have to alert the Chinese government that you're a lesbian?

I think you don't tell them. You don't tell them. I reckon don't bring it up. I think you're a lesbian? I think you don't tell them. You don't tell them. I reckon don't bring it up. I think you're just like, we're best friends that live together. But why is China anti-lesbians? They're very productive. Lesbians do a lot. They're very productive.

They're not going to produce more, are they? They can. Yeah, well, I mean, they can. Both of them can. They can, but harder. Harder. Yeah, harder. I don't know what China's stance on that.

I wouldn't imagine it's great. What is China's stance on lesbians don't know what China's stance on that. I wouldn't imagine it's great. What is China's stance on lesbians? Can we Google China's stance on lesbians? Yeah, James, could you please Google China's stance on lesbians and report back? Thank you. James at the gay news desk. James is at the gay news desk, yeah.

We'll beam into the gay news desk. I'd just like to start a discussion on how good lasagna toppers are, and I miss them. No, I hate them. They were so greasy and crummy. What do you think you would miss if you moved overseas? What would you miss? Matt, do you love lasagna toppers are and I miss them. No, I hate them. They were so greasy and crummy. What do you think you would miss if you moved overseas? What would you miss? Matt, do you love lasagna toppers?

I thought Matt had more respect for himself. Yeah, I thought he was more classy. They were a real treat. They were a real treat. They were greasy and crispy. They were at the school canteen, eh? Yeah. Yeah, okay, they were all right.

I reckon they'd pop in an air fryer. I've never air fried a lasagna topper, but I think they'd go right in an air fryer. Yes, they would. What would you miss moving away from New Zealand? I reckon it'd be the lollies and chocolate the most. Probably mince pies, like bakeries. Popping in for like egg salad sandwich and a mince pie.

Because we talked about this, they don't do bakeries a lot overseas. Nah, not like we do. Not like we do. If you went to like Asian countries, maybe like fish and chips. Yeah. Just like classic fish and chips. Yeah. Nicest thing that happened

to Sophie this year was all the schoolgirls in India stopping me and kindly asking for photos. They were so sweet and made my day often. Is she a celebrity? Maybe she's super white.

She might be super white. When I went to India I got stopped like a celebrity and it was because I was ice white. Like super white. And they were like wow, tall and white.

Love it. Her naughtiest moment was she actually drank beer in a temple. She moved as soon as she learned what it was. That was a big gasp. Do you know that? It's a no-no. No alcohol in the temple.

I was just buying into the story. You were buying into it. Well, she moved as soon as she found out. She must be very, very naughty. Yeah. Very, very naughty. Thanks, Sophie. Thank you, Sophie.

Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Ollie is 26 years old. He's from Wellington. He's a senior graphic designer at Weta Workshop. So if you guys ever want to visit and see some behind-the-scenes nerdy shit, feel free to get in touch. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, you would love that. I would love that. You would love that. In Miramar? Yeah. Yeah, Miramar. To whom it may concern, Merry Christmas. If looking for me, I'm probably Christmas surfing.

Oh. So just go to the beach and yell my name until I yell back. Ollie! Just yelling it. Can we just pause? I yell back. Ollie! Can we just pause? Can we just pause? I've touched Hayley's foot with my toe. What do you do when the therapist is

involved in the appropriate touching? I play the role. You're not a therapist, Vaughn. I think we can just as a mature friendship, I think we can just sort this out ourselves okay? I'm sorry about that

I don't know what I was doing I'm folding my legs? or was I folding my legs? he did kind of lick his lips when it happened thank you Fletch thank you for acknowledging that I was going to bring it up and then I thought maybe I was wrong and I think as a woman we often think that about ourselves.

Maybe I just thought that. No, no, no. It happened. You touched not my toe but just the under pad of my foot. Oh, really? The ball. I couldn't tell. I didn't see what my toe touched.

Yeah. And I didn't get a definitive feel. Can I ask you just friend to friend and any response is welcome. Yeah. How do you feel about what just happened? Horny. Someone spat on me. We need to get back into the therapist's office.

Sorry, sorry. Not only did he scrape the ball on my foot, I've just spat on him after he said he was horny. I'm confused. A lot is happening. I'm happy to move on. Let's suppress the feelings and move on. But next year for the cocktail special, can we just wear shoes inside? And we sat on the far ends of a very large table.

We'll just go in one room each and we'll beam in. Yeah, I love that. It's too much. Nicest thing that happened this year, I got a kitten last month. I've never had any pets before, so it was pretty life-changing. Inspired by Fletch,

we named her Lady Luna McFluffington. Oh my God, maybe they could date. Murray, Murray. Because Murray's not a McFluffington, is he? He's Major Murray Fluffington. Oh my god maybe they could date. Murray. Murray. Because Murray's not a Mick Fluffington is he? He's Major Murray Fluffington. Murray. God that's a dud cat eh? Murray. Murray. Sorry he's sniffing your box. Murray there's a Luna

Fluffington. Where would he go back into the therapy office again if he's sniffing back? Oh god. Getting right in there. Murray there's a Luna Mick Fluffington. Would you like a girlfriend? Oh. Or his ear twisted. Ollie said his naughtiest moment of the year. One of his hobbies is exploring abandoned buildings.

So my naughtiest moment of the year is absolutely breaking and entering multiple properties. Oh, that's cool. That's a cool hobby. That is cool. Do you remember that? Do you film it? Do you remember when we went around with that policeman in Christchurch

and he told us that they have all the, because there's still the odd abandoned building and they've all rigged with like laser and motion and they get laser beams. Yeah, that's what he said freaking laser beams. And then they basically alert them as soon as someone goes into a building. Anything goes between it

it knows that someone's trying to get in there. I used to do it as a teenager. We'd go ghost hunting in like abandoned buildings around Wellington, drive around I didn't really know where abandoned buildings around Wellington, drive around. The heart was like an old decker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there was an abandoned like mental asylum in Porirua. There was like a couple of abandoned houses in the hut that we used to go and drive to.

I wouldn't go into an abandoned mental asylum. It was crazy, yeah. I wouldn't go in there. Wouldn't you? Are you allowed to call them that? Yeah, we used to do it to terrify ourselves. That's what it was back in the day. Yeah.

Now I think we say loony bin. Yeah, you go in and you say like, oh, my gosh, I'm in an asylum for the affected. The ghosts leave you alone. You walk in, you're like, well, this is a wild loony bin. We don't like to be called that. Hashtag consult. Anything extra?

Not really. I want to say thanks to the podcast. It's been how I start my work day every day for the last decade, if you're ever in Wellington, which you tend to be. Let me know if you want to explore some underground World War II bunkers. Yeah, Ollie sounds like a great guy. Absolutely, we do.

We should totally do that. Yeah, absolutely, Ollie, we will be taking you up on this. Hope it wasn't an empty promise. It better not have been an empty offer. You know when you say, oh, we should catch up. Oh my God, you just text me, we'll catch up before Christmas. No intention, please don't fucking text me. For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market.

It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio,

Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Dana, hello. I'm 27 years old and from Waitara in Taranaki. Myself and my husband have just moved to Perth last month and absolutely loving it, but shit, it's hot. I was going to say, that would be quite a shock moving from there to Perth. That's why everyone in Perth's month and absolutely loving it, but shit, it's hot. I was going to say, that would be quite a shock moving

from there to Perth. That's why everyone in Perth's got a pool. It's almost like a rite of passage. You have to. It's so hot. And they earn miners' money. Oh, I know. Aaron's cousin is a miner in Perth and we were renovating our house and he was like, oh my god, we're renovating too.

We were like, let's show each other our plans. We showed him our little humble cottage. He was like, oh my god, that renovating too we were like let's show each other our plans we showed him our little humble cottage we were like he was like oh my god that's so nice he showed us his it's a fucking huge mansion with a cinema and a pool

we were like oh mining yeah mining the stripping mother earth comedy not comedy

no radio mining not mining laughs mining chuckles mining content for comedy no mining

valuable minerals we haven't seen stripping the earth of all the valuable minerals get it out let's hollow her out what's the earth doing with it hogging them all

yeah exactly let's hollow her out and then we'll fuck off also haven't seen a single spider or a nope rope since arriving a nope rope

is what they call snakes oh really what about that Australian that was driving a few weeks ago and went up the trouser leg like fuck that Australia calm down what happened they were driving their car and went up the trouser leg. Like, fuck that, Australia.

Calm down. What happened? They were driving their car and it went up their trouser leg. The spider did? No, the snake. You'd crash, eh? How did the snake get in the car?

It was hiding in there. I think it was just under the seat or just on the... Oh, yeah. Huge fuck that. No, thanks. Merry Christmas to my sister, Jess. It's the first time in my life

that I've lived away from her and I hate to admit it, but I miss her and her little spawns. If you're a snake I feel like we've heard from the other scenario we've heard from

the other side of this. We've heard from Jess. Oh maybe. Do you reckon? I feel like we've heard from Jess. Do you think we've got a potential match there?

We've got a match. I feel like we had someone whose sister moved to Perth who had she had the kids. Sidebar. Yeah okay

if you were in Australia and you were a snake whose trouser leg would you slither up? See, I'm not a Hemsworth girl. They're too pretty. They're too perfect. They're too well kept. Who's a gruff Australian?

Russell Crowe. You'd get right up there. Yeah, and I'd go big Russell. Big old Russell. Not gladiator one Russell. What was that? Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? Yes. With Ryan Gosling.

Yeah. When he plays the detective. Oh, he was good in that. A bit older. He's got a nice portly belly. He was good in Outer Confidential too. Was that him? Yeah.

Outer Confidential. Yeah, so good. He was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out Russell's bloody leg. Yeah, I'd go old school Russell. And then you're Pauline Hanson, aren't you? Yeah.

Yeah. See if the carpet matches the curtains. When she's in a burqa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you demand she wore the burqa. Yeah, absolutely. She wore it in Parliament. I had to admit it, but I miss my sister.

We had a sister holiday at Auckland to see FEH Live. It was the best trip. Met you guys, got pics. Gave Fletch shit for not mentioning Elixir Cafe to you because it's the bee's knees. I know. And my sister, she had a Fletch breakfast when he came in. So we've got some mackie locals. Oh, we love a little cafe in New Plummet.

We love that place. Also, Fletch signed a plate for the wall with all the famous people. Yeah. Next time you're in New Plummet, please call into Elixir and sign the plate too. We will. Thank you. Have a lovely cocktail afternoon in moderation. Of course, love hearing a bit of homeless into the podcast. We are moderating quite well. I know. Very well behaved.

Nicest thing that happened this year, I quit my shitty job, sold our house, sold everything we own and moved to Australia with two suit cases of clothes. Never felt ready to get a fresh start. Oh my god, that's so brave. I could never. I'm so attached to things and people and places. I could have. Naughtiest moment of the year was having

too many cocktails in moderation, of course. I feel since moving to Australia I've become low-key alcoholic because it's too hot to drink water. It doesn't quench the thirst like a nice cold Bilsons RTD. Yeah. What's Bilsons? I don't know.

It's so expensive to drink in Australia. I don't know how they do it. Yeah. Well, they just prioritise. They just prioritise. It's where you prioritise your money. It's where you spend all your money. It's all your financial priorities.

Love you guys. Have the best Christmas. You deserve a good break. Oh, thank you, Dana. Thanks, Dana. Thank you spend all your money. It's all your financial priorities. Love you guys. Have the best Christmas. You deserve a good break. Oh, thank you, Dana. Thanks, Dana. Thank you so much, Dana. Ruby's, there's another New Plymouth gal. Well, it's a great place.

It's certainly not, you know, reflected in any way, is it? We hear all these lovely messages from New Plymouth. I'm just saying, there's a measurement of these things and it doesn't reflect. Sort your shit out, please. I love New Plymouth. I did do my show in New Plymouth this year and I'll say it was a bit of a hard push to get tickets.

To sell tickets. Ruby is 32, originally from New Plymouth but now based in Tamaki. Does she mean Tamaki McIdo? Auckland, do you believe? Yeah. Thanks for making me laugh. Wouldn't have read that if I'd pre-read that. Big fan of Hayley joining the show Stop jumping over things

Lovely to have a woman Oh yeah we'll skip that What does it say? I told my husband we're similar Yes exactly Not having kids and being sex positive Just lovely to have a good friendly woman Just woman

Big horny woman on the show And being sex positive But discovered we weren't so similar When she said she wouldn't poop in front of her husband a good friendly woman just woman big horny woman on the show and being sex positive but discovered we weren't so similar when she said she wouldn't poop in front of her husband I have the best chats

while one person is pooping and the other person is showering I would never I reckon give it a go have a fabulous Christmas break looking forward to more banter in 2025

the nicest thing I want to deliver easy voucher and discovered I could spend it on booze in moderation of course just one a day and almost had a threesome

with my brother-in-law and two friends what okay pause crouch touch pause engage what kind of fucking brother-in-law what's the connection is this your sister's husband's brother no i told my husband that we're similar because we're not having kids and being sex positive so she has a husband so it could be her husband's brother and two friends. Or her sister's husband. Or her sister's husband. But there's no mark of the other wife.

But if she's there and then there's the brother-in-law and two friends, that's not a threesome. But also, that's what we've mentioned. That's a foursome. The husband will be four. The husband. I don't see any mention of the husband. We're stepping towards an orgy here.

But it doesn't say the husband, though, does it? It doesn't say my brother-in-law. How does it work with four? Because I don't actually know Vaughan. I don't actually know how it would work with four. I've never done it. I have also never been involved in group sex. Neither.

Fuck. You really got it so serious. That was really good. That was the worst way. I'm serious. That was really good. Neither. Dude, that was for four.

That was literally the worst one. One more time. One more time. I think he can do it. So the brother-in-law, two friends and her. I don't know how it works with four. I've, that was for four. that was literally the worst one. One more time, one more time, I think he can do it. So she, so the brother-in-law, two friends and her. I don't know how it works with four,

I've never done it with four. I wouldn't even know where to start. No. Yeah. Dude, you're great, your voice cracked.

Your voice cracked. You're the worst guy in the world. Neither, neither. No? Oh, fuck.

Neither, neither, neither. Neither, neither, neither. I don't know how it works with four,

I've never had group sex like that. I would absolutely love to, but I have not yet. Why don't you ask James? He walked into that bloody Airbnb at Gay Ski Week and saw a whole thing happening. How many? Six.

I know. So there's two and two and two. We could do that. Or three and three. No, but then he went to the bloody kitchen and made himself a sandwich. Well, you get hungry. You need the energy.

Or in the six scenario, 3-2 cut chair. Which is how I can do my counting. No, but that's where he took the sandwich. Three, there's a three, there's a two, and there's a boy with a sandwich on a cut chair. And that's our James. To be honest, cut chair and a sandwich

sounds like, well, for a start, that was my Rockwest band name. Cut chair and a sandwich! Yo, what's up, Auckland? We're cup chair and a sandwich. The teachers let that through because they don't know what a cup chair is. That would be absolutely my position in orgy. Guys, I'm just going to have a nice sandwich.

I'm just going to sit. I'll watch, but you guys can tell that. It's a toasted sandwich. You use the panini press at the Airbnb. No, hang on. It wasn't naughtiest moment of the year. Almost had a threesome. It had an almost threesome.

So they did do something. Oh. Had an almost threesome with my brother-in-law and two friends. I just need to know which side of the law the brother's from. If this is your sibling's partner or your partner's sibling. Amazing. Fuck yeah, get it. Oh my God, I love that.

My mum knows Fletcher's dad from Access Radio New Plymouth. Isn't this a turn of events after hearing about the almost threesome? How has Fletcher's dad popped up? Don't drag John's fine aim into that. My mum knows Fletcher's dad from Access Radio New Plymouth

and every time I listen to the show with her around, she says, is that John Fletcher is Fletcher's dad from Access Radio New Plymouth. And every time I listen to the show with her around, she says, is that John Fletcher's son? Oh, it's small town New Plymouth. Oh, my God. Lovely. Don't tell John about these orgies. Fucking me three ways left right in the center.

John is far too innocent to be hearing about this kind of content. Next time on the podcast, we're going to be hearing from Jordan, Olivia, Sarah, and Jackie. Oh, my God. There's a couple more New Plymouths in the mix. Oh, my gosh.