ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 18th January 2025

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; PLEASE don't call HR on Producer Carwen for looking up this reality TV show...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Sledgeforn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special. The Big Pod and the live show is back on the 20th of January. Shout out to the fact that you haven't screwed up the title this year once. I know because I wrote it down. He's literally following a script. Because last year every time you forgot what it was. It's a podcast Christmas something.

Welcome to the podcast Vaughan Fletch Hayley Christmas special cocktail. Some and something. Some and something. Here we go. Jackie's the first cab out the rank. The set. Jackie when you touch my soul in the candlelight. Do you remember that from the 90s?

Nope. What was that? Jackie, Jackie, when you're... What was that? It was a song. Stop making up songs. Who sung it? Jackie.

No idea. Okay. I like it, though. I don't hate it. Yeah, it's a really good song. What a great song. Okay. Jackie from the beautiful Naki.

Jackie from Naki. Toronto, Canada. And when you... Oh. Okay, so when you say Toronto, don't pronounce the second T. Toronto. Toronto. Yeah.

That's how Canadians say it. I live in Toronto calendar. Calendar? Oh, fuck. This goes out to the amazing Sophie in Melbourne, Australia, who is also from New Zealand, the Mount Maunganui, who's a listener of FVH. I'll be seeing her in Australia in January, and I can't wait to catch up with her and talk all of FVH. I'll be seeing her in Stray Isle in January

and I can't wait to catch up with her and talk all things FVH. Nicest thing that happened this year, I finally visited Elvis' Graceland in Memphis. Oh my God. And Dolly Parton's Dollywood. I want to go to Dollywood so bad. My dad's been to Graceland.

Are there roller coasters at Dolly? Yes. It's like a full theme park. Yeah. They were both fucking amazing. Naughtiest moment of the year, I got Giardia in Guatemala. And ended up in the middle of nowhere in a tiny hospital that had no power except for a shitty generator, pooping my pants and vomiting everywhere.

Classic Ringo shit. Classic. You need a Dr. Ropata. Do you need to go to a doctor if you get Giardia? Can you ride it out or is it a... Yeah, pills to like stop it. Well, James and I did have a Vietnamese salad and get Giardia? Can you ride it out or is it a... Yeah, pills to like stop it. Well, James and I did have a Vietnamese salad and get giardia. Yeah.

What do you call it? Quote unquote. Maybe if you got it bad, you'd be spewing and vomiting. If you're having a hard time, go and get some pills. Long time no see. Sophie and I are tattoo artists and maybe one day we'll tattoo some inso jokes on each other

Oh my god yeah Yeah do it That's wild Don't rush into it Definitely think about What you want No I'm rushing into tattoos These days

It's way more fun From your tattoo Yeah I don't really like that Renee is next She is 30 years old She is from Gore originally But she finds herself

In Hobart Australia I would love to go to Hobart Never been Looks beautiful Looks beautiful Long time listener. First time Christmas cocktailer. Yes, that scares

me again. Big fan of the show. Just want to wish you guys a great Christmas. Come back next year with Hilarious Yarns in moderation, of course, and also hello to the Christmas orphans. No, they're dead, remember? Wow. Fuck. You think you saw them dead. Yeah, but then last time we did mention them, we heard some ghostly

noises there. No, you didn last time we did mention them, we heard some ghostly noises there. No, you didn't. I just thought I saw... Sorry, I'm just trying to say, I thought I saw... Oh, my God. I know. What's interrupting me? I don't know. I can't hear anything in my headphones.

It's just the wind. Electrical and... Cut it out. Nice to see... Nice to see... Cut it out. Nicest thing. Cut it out. It happened right here. I met my beautiful boyfriend at speed dating. Speed dating.

Did you hear that? Grumpy Mr. Fletcher. No. Fuck off, kids. Fuck off, ghost kids. Fuck off, kids. Fuck off, ghost kids. Renee's nicest thing that happened this year.

I met my lovely boyfriend at speed dating. Naughtiest moment of the year. Taught that innocent and experienced man how to fuck. Oh my God. Renee. Wow, that sounds like a man that spent a lot of his lifetime in the cuck chair. Yeah, fuck you. Renee.

We're coming out of the cuck chair. You've got to get out. You've got to fuck. Good for her. Wow. Anything extra to add? We You've got to fuck. Good for her. Wow. Anything extra to add? We said anything extra to add. Season four, episode one of Naked Attraction has me in it.

What? What, isn't that UK? I love Naked Attraction. So she was in the UK, what, like living? I don't know, but she said, I'm skinny on film, so I encourage people to watch. That's a nice way. Have you guys seen Naked Attraction?

Absolutely at my physical peak. Yeah, I was shredded. Yeah. Oh, my God, amazing. Oh, my God. Season four, episode one. If someone hits you with that at speed dating, I was on Naked Attraction.

Yeah. You'd be like, okay. My favorite thing. I was going to look it on YouTube. It's not going to be on YouTube, is it? It is. Okay. Wow.

I can share my answer to that really quickly. All right, horny. Oh, yeah. My favorite thing. I've always, you know, I've hosted TV shows before. Oh, God, here we go. And they all got cancelled. I've always wanted to host Naked Attraction because I love how the host has to navigate.

So they do the reveal of the legs, then they show the genitals. Okay, so Vaughn, what are you making of Miranda's labia? Do you like it like that? Oh, yeah, I think it's nice. I am not a fussy man. Not fussy. I like him in. I like him out.

I just like it. I just love the host sort of navigating. Okay, so this is Naked Attraction Season 4. Tonight, Renee. A bartender, a community worker, and a retail manager. A stripping bear to attract the perfect partner. All right, all right, all right. Because we like to start where a good date ends. Fantastic. manager. A stripping bear to attract the perfect partner. Alright, alright, alright. Because we like to start where a good date ends.

Fantastic. Oh, he sounded like he was ready to see some titties. Yeah, ready for titties. So we need to see Renee. Look for the skinny one. If I send you this link, Carwin, can you skim? I don't want to. It sounds a bit pervy. Well, she told us.

Yeah, but it's a bit pervy just like trying to find her. I'll do it, I'll do it. No, we've got to talk. You look for it, I'll do it, and then I shall describe with respect. I've sent it to Carwen. With respect. To the boys. With respect, with respect.

We can come back to that. We've got a couple more to clock off in this episode. Renee, we shall return to you. We shall return to Renee. Okay, Megan. Carwen's in, what? You have to sign and confirm your age. Megan W is next.

34 years old and lives in New Plummouth. In the last cocktail speech, you guys went in a rabbit hole trying to figure out where in New Plummouth there was redwoods. The answer is that I was living in Rotorua, then moved to New Plummouth. Both beautiful areas of New Zealand. Oh, okay. Yeah, right.

Out of her mind, didn't mean to discombobulate Yawa. That's okay. You discombobulated us. Yeah, because we were like, that's not Redwoods territory. No, it's not. And we do know our forests, don't we?

I would say more than any other radio station. Yeah, we're big on our forestry. We're big on lesbians and forestry. Tokoroa, pine trees. Everywhere else, pine trees. Most of the forest, pine trees.

Rotorua, Redwoods they planted because they thought it would be good, but they grew too fast and they didn't have the solidness of the American redwood because they grew too fast. They're too soft for anything useful. Wow. See, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Now I do, yeah.

We know our forestry. Christmas message. I want to say Merry Christmas all will be past us in this episode. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. We'll change it. We'll change it. We'll change it. To fellow podcast fan, Kristen,

we've had a listening hours come and the amount of times our responses get re-out. Oh, Carwen's watching bloody. Did you find Renee? I don't think they say their names. Oh, they don't say their names? They don't say their names until the end. Or skinny and female.

Yeah, if they win. I was confronted by a lot of people. No, when they get dischosen, when they say, no, I don't want to choose that one, they come out and they say, this is what you've missed out on, love. Yeah. Hard luck, you're lost, and they walk off. It's like, keep watching.

Imagine if you looked better from top down, though. Face, 10 out of 10. Midriff, 9 out of 10. Oh, see, mine, feet is my best bit. Right, but what if your feet were a one? The middle area, including the genitals. A nailed foot. Fine face minger.

Bad knees. Yeah, bad knees. The thighs are all over the show. The vag is where it starts to turn around a bit. Like a bag of shaved ham. Top's the top. Yeah, the top is just. Genitals like a bag of shaved ham.

Interesting description. With bits of carrot and corn. Yeah. It's got the fruit. It's got the vegetables in it. Kristen with hair. With bits of carrot and corn. Yeah. It's got the fruit. It's got the vegetables in it. Kristen, he had the absolute audacity to leave his job and move away and go travelling, so he will no doubt win on the listening hours competition.

But KSP, I love you, and I'm so proud of all the moves you've made this year. I thought Kristen was a woman. Me too. Yeah. Now it's changed completely. For now, he feels like a European man. I was going to say tanned and blonde. Yeah.

Tanned, blonde, European man. Like Kristen. Like Kristoff. Hello, I'm Kristen. They moved out of Russia. I love to travel. Here comes Kristen. Let's go have a beer. I'm Kristen. I'm Kristen. A nice thing I did this year was

sorry, I did a nice thing that led to a good story this year. Could you send us a screen cap of her nakedness? We've got it. 15 minutes exactly. One moment, please, for Renee. I'll sign in to confirm your age. Okay.

There we go. You're also going to get our group chat banned for sending titties on Facebook, Carwin. Goodness me. Here we go. Wait, where are you? I'm not signed in. Can you show?

Is it going to be? Really, really, really, really, really sorry. Yellow. Yellow. Yellow. Is that Kristen? Why yellow? All the other girls are like my height.

Yellow's an Amazonian, isn't she? She's a tall girl. That's Renee. This is Renee. Oh. Renee. Yellow's an Amazonian isn't she she's a tall girl that's Renee this is Renee they're 24 year old accounts Renee

I can't believe it was like he was like oh she's too like the other girls are my height she's too Amazonian yeah

when have you ever heard that sentence short bitch yeah also shout out Renee Renee well done

brother Carwin's unsent the message Because Mark Zuckerberg Will see that so Oh he will Yeah Get shitty I've already reported

Let's go back to Megan's message Well done Renee though Great Well done Renee I did a nice thing That led to a good story I saw a young lady With a sleeping baby

In her arms Carrying a whole bag Of stuff by herself On a domestic flight And she realised Her phone was missing I said I could run back but instead she stayed with the sleeping baby and things. I stayed with the sleeping baby and things while she ran back to the

plane, repacked her bag, got her off to the international terminal as she was juggling so much herself. And then the young lady and I got chatting and the story is juicy! She was early 20s and the baby was her half-sister. She had flown to Australia to pick her up as she was adopting her. Turns out the mother, her stepmother, had kept the pregnancy a secret the whole time. Oh, Juicy.

Gave birth in secret, then tried to put it up for adoption, at which time her father found out, and all she said was, now he's in jail. Oh, Juicy! Wish I had more info. I'm always wondering. Wow. Oh my god.

Anyway. Naughtiest moment in the year. Knew that three or four of my workmates were toying with leaving so I quickly got a new job and jumped ship so I could be the first rather than the last to go there. She's a bowler. A shock caller.

You don't want to be the last. Otherwise you're picking up extra work and helping the new people. Danielle is the next 26 years old in Christchurch from Hawke's Bay. Remembers Carwen from Onikawa Primary. Was that the school that didn't honour? Those were high schools that we talked about recently that didn't pass. Yeah our dumb high school.

Yeah she did. I'm a community nurse so I spend my days driving around to see patients at home for different procedures. So lovely to listen to podcasts every day on our heart radio. You know my mother-in-law was a That's KPI. My mother-in-law was a community nurse

once and she went into a man's house who had a leg amputated. Do I tell this story? I remember this story. We've spoken about it before. Have we spoken about it on the podcast? Yeah, but go again. Yeah, she went into this man's house, and he was amputated, and he's like, I need help.

And she was dressing the wound and stuff, and she pulled back the blanket, and she said his dick was longer than his amputated leg. But where was the leg amputated? Knee or upper thigh? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Even if it was halfway down, you imagine it there.

Yeah, well, I'm just trying to get a gauge as to. Even if it was mid-thigh, that is a strong. She said she had never and to this day has never seen a dick as big. Wow. What's the biggest dick we've all seen? I haven't seen many dicks. James laughing on the couch. It all looks big from the cut chair.

It's all about perspective. Sandwich in hand. Are you eye to eye? Are you sitting back a bit with a sandwich? You know when you're eating a sandwich and you stop, you squeeze the sandwich and it falls out the bottom? That's what I'm picturing. You're like, oh.

Wow. It falls out the bottom of the sandwich. Sandwich. That's good though. I'd love one of these cut chair sandwiches one day. Nicest thing that happened this year, Baldur's Gate 3 has had me in a chuckle for the majority of the year and continuing.

That is a Dungeons & Dragons themed PlayStation game. I knew that. And the FVH live show was simply fantastic. Naughtiest moment of the year. She says, naughtiest and horny. I did a boudoir shoot for my boyfriend as an engagement gift. Oh, my God. Do you know Morgan's been trying to get, Morgan,

friend of the show and resident sexologist, he's been trying to get me to do a boudoir shoot, but I don't think I could take it seriously. You've got to go down to like, warehouse stationery now, so it's like, you know, 18 year olds to print out the photos. To print it out, I know. And you know that. That's saving off a copy. It's saving off a copy. Imagine

that you just see them take the USB stick, plug it in, print it, and then hand it straight back. You're like, you didn't want to... Review the footage? You didn't want to grab a copy? Yeah. Hi, here to pick up my photos? Yeah, did you?

Wait, wait, wait. And he's like, we haven't looked. They print out face down. I've just put them straight on. Can you just check that they're all printed A-OK? Oh, no, our machine's very reliable. I don't think I need to check. Well, I've had problems with this facility before.

Man, that's a privacy issue I'd hate for me to see something I wasn't supposed to see. I hear by giving you consent. Look at the fucking pictures, man. Okay, man, if you insist. Look at the pictures. Ah! Why do you scream? I have never seen a woman in a state of undress such as that.

A state of undress? Yeah. Oh, good for you. Well done. Anyway, that's good work, good work. She said, nice little thing on the end there. We can read that out. Love the show.

Continue to listen every day. Every day she listens while she works. Fantastic. Thank you, Danielle. Jacob, an 18-year-old from Ototahi Christchurch, just finished studying aviation at NZST, hoping to be a flight attendant at the future. Well, James, give him some tips.

Come give us some tips. Come over here because James used to be a flight attendant. What would be your number one tip for a young person wanting to become a flight attendant? Grinder. In all the different countries. What? Oh give it a rest. Please be with your stereotypes.

Just having customer service experience. It's the only thing you need. Friendly face. Really? Friendly face. What was your speciality? Did you give extra treats to nice passengers? My specialities were two. One, pointing to the doors. I was very good at that.

You've got to tell them where they are. Great wrist work. Great pointing. It's in the wrist. I know exactly where the doors are. It's in the wrist. It's all in the wrist. And what was your second one?

Extra cookies for the pretty ones. There he is. Nice. Oh my God, I've had extra cookies. What was your second one? Extra cookies for the pretty ones. There he is. Nice. Oh my God, I've had extra cookies. What was the code word? Yeah, me too. What was the code word

when there was a hottie on board? Oh, Bob. Best on board. Best on board, that's right. So you'd say Bob, 29C. Yeah. Right, okay. I love that.

Now, is it true, James, that once you saw an erection on a passenger? He looked at you as a shut the fuck up. I don't want to tell that story. Yeah, that didn't happen. Secrets of the trade.

The rumble of the carriage. Merry Christmas. Well, it's just you're asleep, aren't you? That's what happens. You said, Grindr, Jacob said, Merry Christmas to my beautiful girlfriend. How dare you, sir? Oh, no.

I was stereotyping there, wasn't I? Laura, you've made my life so much better. A hero on our hands. Brought more meaning into my life than I could ever imagine And I've enjoyed every moment we've spent together And every drink we've had together I love that you can handle me when I'm drunk in town Can't wait to make future memories, maybe a surprise trip

Oh wow That's lovely On staff travel Young man Because you get staff travel You get the cheaper flights, don't you? Lovely Naughtiest moment of the year

Getting kicked out of Original Sin For drinking too much on my 18th birthday What's Original Sin? Must be de club. In a club. Must be club. Is that a club in Christchurch? Yeah, it is.

It's been a while since I've been kicked out of a bar. It's been a hot minute. It's been a hot minute. It's not something I really want to return to. I mean, you've been asked to leave parties,

but that's different. Yeah, I have been asked to leave many private functions. Which party? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I think it's extra. Listen to the party? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Man, I think it's extra. Listen to the radio show in the morning. The podcast is a full of sleep. Love to be on the Christmas cocktail special. Here you go.

Oh, that's lovely. Thank you, Jacob. And have a nice sleep. Na-nice. Na-nice. Ta-ta. Good night. Sleep tight. Good night. Sleep tight. One to go. One. Should we do some brown noise? Should we do brown noise?

Just to let her feel safe. Oh, fuck. What? Yeah, this is going to be problematic from something you said previously on the podcast shoutouts. What? Under anything extra. Okay. Okay, we'll see you in the next episode outs under anything extra. Okay. Okay.

We'll see you in the next episode. The final one. Bye. See you then.