ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 19th January 2025

Episode Date: January 18, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; It's our final episode... and things are LOOSESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Sledgehorn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to our final episode of the Christmas Cocktail Special. We will be back with the big pod and live radio show tomorrow, Jan 20, with tans probably. Oh, my God. Super chipper. Yeah. No bags under our eyes. Those who quickly reappear after one or two early morning 4 a.m.

It literally comes back so quickly. Yeah. Okay, last episode. Let's get into it. Callum is a 28-year-old ex-Wellingtonian bureaucrat living his best homosexual life in Melbourne. Oh, what a city to live a great homosexual life. What a sentence there.

Shout out to Talia the Kutu. Okay. I don't know. What is Kutu? I don't know. Nicest thing that happened this year. Fled New Zealand for a bigger city with better grinder opportunities. More grid, more grid. Naughtiest moment of the year. Bought a $300 Facebook marketplace Dyson

that broke in a week. Took it back to Dyson and said, hey, I just bought this and it broke and they a $300 Facebook Marketplace Dyson that broke in a week, took it back to Dyson and said, hey, I just bought this and it broke, and they replaced it with a brand new Dyson. Oh, fuck. That's not – I don't think that's naughty. I think that's just smart. No. Well, the serial number is under warranty if it's new enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure, it's under warranty nowadays. Yeah. Anything extra? I'm a blind FVHCNM listener. Please give a shout-out to your disabled listeners. Okay. Wow. Now, Hayley, in previous podcasts, did say something. If you've just joined us, please go ahead shout out to your disabled listeners. Okay. Wow. Now Hayley, in previous podcasts

did say something. If you've just joined us, please go ahead. I think it was a misunderstanding of a situation. Yes. Right. We talked about there was a story about someone getting on a bus. Their naughtiest moment was the bus took off, they fell on a blind and they said they took out a blind woman and her dog. It was a misunderstanding that the

podcast listener was driving the bus and took out a blind person's dog. No, yeah, they were on the bus and fell backwards. Of was a misunderstanding that the podcast listener was driving the bus and took out a blind person's dog. No, yeah, they were on the bus and fell backwards. Of course not. Yes. Yes.

Well, they want to shout out for our disabled listeners or shout out to our disabled listeners. In all seriousness, there would be some cities in the world that would be more blind friendly.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I wonder if Melbourne is more blind friendly than Auckland. Maybe. It's so... It depends on where you are. Melbourne's so big. Yeah.

You know, I love my podcast 99% Invisible. It's all about design and stuff that goes unnoticed. The best design, of course, is completely invisible to us all. And how they put the curb cuts in for people with baby prams was the original one. Not even thinking about wheelchairs. But then the byproduct was wheelchairs and people who had a vision impairment

then didn't have to work out where the step up was. Yeah, right. They could just get up there. Did you ever, I remember when I, the first time that I realised that the, do-do-do-do-do-do from the thingies had a little neat, like a little pinprick. Yes.

So it scares me every time I put my hand under it. Someone told me when I was a teenager, they're like, put your hand under that for blind people or deaf people that can't hear it. They'll put their finger under the thing and it just goes, like shoots you in the finger to let you know, like cross now. Scarwy. And I was like, ooh, Scarwy.

Scarwy. And even if you know it's coming, it's still a little bit of a fright when it's like, Oh, hi Callum, I hope you're living your best gay life in Melbourne. Let us know how that's going. Oh, no. You don't want all the details? You don't want all the juicy details?

Kalia is 27 years young from Rotorua. Merry Christmas to my favourite people. I listen to the potty all the time and I even listen to it while I go to sleep. What do people say to sleep to us? It's the dulcet tones. Yeah.

I don't know if you remember me, but I conned the name call-awaiting Kalia from my friends after my first appearance in else at times. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you remember me but I conned the name call waiting Carly from my friends after my first appearance in 2023. 2023 on the station. Is that because

she put us on hold? I think so. Very rude. I remember this. Yeah. Very rude. Put us on hold

and we were like excuse us. This is our show. Shout out to my sisters and dad who listen to the podcast and my friends Amber and Michael who got

married this year in November. Lastly, I hope you three and the producer girlies and honorary members, Big Hearted James, Bad News Brad, Morgan the sexologist and Dr. Shawneella have a wonderful Christmas. Oh, thank you so much. Wow. Other friends present, not included. James is just about to cry.

Fucking any excuses, bro. How sweet. Naughtiest moment of the year. I bought a small desk fan for work off Timo and my sister and some other colleagues. May or may not have insinuated it sounded like a certain sex toy. Oh. I now can't use it.

You do a good Satisfyer Pro. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, the girls in the room are like, yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's so good. Okay. Now I can't use a fan at work because all I think about is the sound and what everyone must think. Yeah. Yeah, it's so good. Okay, yeah. Now I can't use a fan at work because all I think about is the sound

and what everyone must think. Yeah. Anything extra? Bring back the orphans from the dead. Maybe, possibly. Well, they're dead, so no. T.S. Haley, I went to Uftata when they came to Rotorua this year and it was glorious.

Uftata, you missed a ta? Uftata. It was glorious. Oh, I know. She just bought Uftata. Now, we need to talk about the orphans because the rumour is they're dead, but we keep hearing from their little ghosty spirits. Yeah.

They keep haunting. Mr. Fletcher. Oh, Mr. Fletcher. They live in, maybe they're haunting your apartment. Well, I've done a seance. Don't invite that into your house. Oh, my God, why would you do that? They'll possess you.

They're not coming in. Oh, my God. So I've set up an invisible wall, a seance wall. A seance wall. That's how it works. That's how it works. Mr. Fletcher, this wall's in my way. Help, I'm having a mood.

Stay out there. Stay out there. Mr. Fletcher, please. Stay out there. What's so grumpy, Mr. Fletcher? Hannah is next. She's 27 from Palmerston North, living in the Gold Coast. Shout out to my long-time listener and bestie, Caitlin,

another Kiwi living in Melbourne. And thank you for making us feel at home and have a laugh across the beach. Nicest thing this year seeing Taylor Swift in Melbourne. Shout out to Cannon and Sharwin. Harwin and Shannon, my fellow Swifties.

Our naughtiest moment of the year. I accidentally left my adult fun toy in some drawers I gave to my boyfriend's dad. Fuck that. Oh my God. Okay, multi-choice. What did dad do with that toy next?

He wouldn't have known. I think it would have looked, because women's toys are so advanced these days, I think it would have looked and been like, the hell is this? Yeah, like is this some kind of back massager? Where does that go? Because dad doesn't know what the clitoris is.

He just thinks it's a hole, and that's where it goes. It's a good time hole. Yeah, it's a good time hole. There we go. Yeah, yeah. So I think it would have been hole. Yeah, it's the good time hole. There we go. Yeah, yeah. So I think it would have been there. Yeah.

Okay. And... This is the last one. This is the last one. Last one. Last one. Okay. Long time listener, first time caller.

That'll do. Stunning, stunning. This is a little shout out from London to my lovely stepsister, Shannon, who visited me recently. And while she was here, we were having a good old binge of the podcast. We were talking about how fact of the day used to be page

of the day when Vaud would read out random Facebook pages of the day. Such a bizarre moment of the internet to reminisce on now. And that's how long we've been here babes. I'm a potter in London. A Harry Potter. A Harry Potter. A Harry Potter. You're a wizard honey. Potter. I've been here for almost a decade and you guys have been

keeping me company in my studio as I make pots for years. Some might say you guys are the very essence, the very je ne sais quoi of my pottery pieces. Only some would say that, though. That's lovely. Probably not that many. Your producer, Shannon, reminds me of my Shannon and always makes me smile when she pops up for a little segment.

My Shannon, I don't know about yours, is incredibly kind, silly, and fun. No. No. Actually, Shannon, she comes across as sweet on air. She is. She's a monster. She's a monster.

People call her a monster. A monster. A tyrant. I absolutely adored having her here to stay. Really, really made me miss home. Anyway, since Shannon visited and our listening marathon, someone genuinely commented that my New Zealand accent sounded quite a lot stronger than usual.

Praise the Lord. PTL. That's all. Thanks for the lols stronger than usual. Praise the Lord. PTL. That's all. Thanks for the lols and the lums. Appreciate it. Love you. Hehe, bye. Wow, look at that.

We did it, team. We did it. We managed to get through all the podcast shoutouts and good pacing from us this year. Really good pacing. Although some listeners might have liked us to be a bit messier. Oh, last year, a filthy story about Santa Claus. The year before, Jesus Christ, I fell into my own gravel driveway and I'm forever scarred.

Yeah, it was wild. Well, this has been the year of moderation. And Murray's cat feet is going off. Well, that means it's time to leave. Did he run? That means it's 4.40. Okay, that means I order an Uber to get to a Christmas parade in one hour. Are you Ubering?

I'm Ubering, yeah. And I'm putting this on the work credit card. What are you making? What was I going to make it out to? Ask to mouth conversions. Yes. I'd probably put ATM conversions. Just say ATM conversions.

Just to be safe. If they question it. And then there'll be an email that goes around the company in like February. It'll say, who ordered an Uber? Ask to mouth. Ask to mouth. Conversion. Yeah.

And we'll have to explain that to management and it'll be a thing. Oh, recent. Amazing. Add an expense code. Ask. No, do not do that. I might put ATM. Now, as James works in HR, he'll tell you this is naughty.

Conversion. Yeah. Okay. Fantastic. Well, thank you to all of our podcast listeners that make this show naughty. Conversion. Yeah, okay. Fantastic. Well, thank you to all of our podcast listeners that make this show possible. Just munching a carrot. Yeah, good for us. Just to balance the health

of today. I'm just reversing the effects of the alcohol. Health first. That's great. Well, yeah, thank you so much for joining us and we'll be back with all the live shows and more in 2025. Yeah. Anything else you want to say? Matewa. Mate wa.

Mate wa. A little bit of a mate wa. Thank you. Gracias. Gracias si papi. Si papi. And Matt wanted me to ask the story about the towels in Melbourne. Do we have time?

I've got to pick up in one minute. I know the towels in Melbourne story. There's no story about the towels in Melbourne. Do we have time? We don't have time for the towels in Melbourne. I've got to pick up in one minute. I know the towels in Melbourne story. There's no story about the towels in Melbourne. They just didn't replace the hotel towels. And they were all on the floor. But you were there for two days. Why was there a mountain of them? Because they didn't replace the towels.

Answer the questions. What happened to your yellow T-shirt? What's the story behind the towels? There are some things that just never need to be shared. You keep going. You keep harrowing. There are some things that just will never be shared. Let's try one last lie.

Let's see if we got any better during this entire podcast. Anyway, thank you to everyone who messaged in. These are incredible stories. Some of you have been so naughty. So much naughtier than me. People having sex with more than two people at a time. I mean, I don't even know how that would work. I hate the mind boggles.

I know. It's boggling the mind. No. He tried and he found he didn't get any better. I actually got the words in the wrong order. All right. Yeah, look, it boggles the mind. Bye-bye.

The mind boggleth.