ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 1st January 2025

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We discuss one of the greatest Bali photos you'll ever seeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Fletchborn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special, our big pod and live shows back January the

20th. What you don't see is that Fletch has written down on a little poster, Christmas Cocktail Special. Because you know I get this mixed up later in the moreth. What you don't see is that Fletch has written down on a little post-it Christmas cocktail special. Because you know I get this mixed up later in the more cocktails. You're going to be like, welcome back to the mid-winter Christmas cocktail deluxe episode. As Vaughan thumbs some cheese into his gob. Just raw dogging, no cracker.

I've only had cracker in my mouth. Vaughan puts the cracker in his mouth first and then adds to it. Yeah. Wow. I mean, it's all going the same way, isn't it? It is. Hannah from Dunedin is first up for a Christmas podcast shout-out.

And this is to her boyfriend, Jake, of three years, who introduced her to our podcast. And now they're daily listeners together, which is lovely. She says, love you lots. Congratulations on your master's. Well, did you get a master's degree? Yes. Okay.

And master-bation. Hey-oh! Hit me upstairs! Hey-oh! Hit me upstairs! Hit me upstairs! I reluctantly high-fived that. We have medical degrees.

And master's in master-bation. Hey-oh! You don't have a medical degree. Yes, we do. Ask us a medical degrees. Yeah. And masters in masturbation. You don't have a medical degree. Yes, we do. Ask us a medical question. Okay, Dr. Shawnee, can you please ask Vaughn and Hayley a medical degree? He actually has one. Something we would know, only know, if we had a medical degree.

Yeah, if they were, like they say, doctors. We are. How many chambers are in your heart? Oh, my God. This is easy. Four motherfucking chambers. How many are there? Left, right, up, down.

Yeah. Have you seen that diagram of a heart unrolled? Unrolled? Have you seen the diagram on the internet of a heart unrolled? No, it's not chopped and hung. Oh, like a butterfly, like chicken. No, no, no. They unroll them.

I think it is something holding one part together and he's like, if you just snip that and then he just unrolls it. It's wild. I'm so sorry that I thought you guys were making up your medical degrees all this time. Yeah, it was a very entry question. Well, you didn't know the answer.

Can we have a harder one to really prove once and for all that Vaughn and Hayley. I'm finding you guys the picture of this unrolled heart. The butterfly. Unraveling. Unraveling. Can the heart be unraveled? The exhaustive and painstaking anatomical dissection studies of. Don't, skip the medical check.

He doesn't know. And over a thousand years... You, me and Dr. Shawnee, we understand. ...a thousand hearts of diverse species carefully prepared in order to dissolve. Dissolve the collagen scaffolding without distorting the preferential linear or laminar pathways have shown that a heart can be unraveled. Unraveled. Right. We all know that.

We're boring everyone else who's not a doctor in the room. I want another question. Okay, another one, Dr. Shawnee. Go to Dr. Shawnee there. Go to Dr. Shawnee. Speak loudly too. What do osteoclasts and osteoblasts do? Oh, my God.

How much time do we have? Well, osteoclasts teach people to be osteopaths. Yeah. And osteoblasts is when they give you a shit rub down and you're like, I'm putting this osteoblast. Blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Give them a bad review.

Again, I'm so. He said he's correct. Oh, my review again I'm so no oh my god I'm so sorry I doubted you guys were actually doctors I'm so sorry it's quite a

complicated question it's multi it's multi-tiered and it's sort of hard to get into we don't have a lot of time obviously

obviously yeah it took us years dude we're not gonna be able to teach a dummy like you in five minutes three of us

can discuss this later over at the hospital bar with the other doctors. That's an unravelled human heart. You guys should definitely Google that. You could Google unravelled heart on your own time. I've had my heart unravelled before.

Oh, I know. Oh, sweetie, it's okay. Now, I'll move on. Hannah again said congrats on your master's degree. This is to her boyfriend, Jake. Thank you. And thank you for being an awesome partner. Oh, that's degree. This is to her boyfriend, Jake. Thank you. And thank you for being an awesome partner. Oh, that's so nice.

They sound in love, don't they? The nicest thing that's happened this year is getting a six-week Indonesian holiday. Oh, my God. Oh, lovely. Lovely beaches. Six weeks in Indonesia is a long time. Money would go far for six weeks as well. Yeah.

God, imagine having a six-week or even a three-month holiday. Imagine. Imagine, Dr. Shawnee. That or even a three-month holiday. Imagine. Imagine, Dr. Shawnee. That's Dr. Shawnee next year. So not only is he going to work two days a week, he's going to have three months off. Guess what she did in Indonesia, which is a deeply religious place. Naughtiest moment of the year, got a bit freaky in a pool

on said Indonesian trip. Oh, my God, they'll lock you up in prison for doing that. Now, to come back, I've never made love in a pool. I would need to know that the pH and everything is right. You've lied, yeah. We need to go back because you nailed it last time

about the spa pool thing. Remember, less is more. Okay. This is about a pool, by the way. This isn't a spa pool now. We've moved into sort of a larger body

of not heated water. Or maybe heated, but not to that degree. We'll try again. Okay. She had sex in a pool in Indonesia. I can hand on heart say I've never done it.

Not in a pool. Yeah, same. Nah, he's lost it. Okay. I've really got to work on that. Yeah, I've got to work on my acting. Yeah. You can't even take your toys to Indonesia.

Remember, we've talked about this in Bali. If they find you, because you've got that giant one that shows up on the scanner. Yes. They will put you in prison. Yeah, I know. Is that your Buzz Lightyear? the buzz light year or is it your woody woody the cowboy i've mentioned this before the photo of the indonesian or the bali police with the the lineup of confiscated dildos and their serious face is the most hilarious photo of the year.

The only time I haven't travelled with a little friend is Bali and Oman. Oh, wow. To the Middle East. I was like, well, let's not do that. I had to go manual. Oh, God. How embarrassing. Oh, Lord.

It's the future, for God's sake. Welcome to being a man. Oh, yeah. And we don't have the range of toys that you do. The toys that we have look really gross. They're so gross. They look a little bit yuck. You want me to put it in there? I know.

Yeah. The naughtiest moment of the year, you mentioned that and she says love you Mahi. Keep up the laughs. Merry Christmas. Thank you Hannah from Dunedin. Yeah, Emily is next. 27 years old. it's actually embarrassing I wrote 26 before I realised

I'm no longer 26 oh my god I do this all the time and then you decide how old am I and you actually have to think about it okay 89

okay plus 10 plus 10 plus 10 that's impossible actually because it's only 2004 so you shouldn't have plus 10 three times oh okay yeah

I don't know yeah it's like it's the thing where you're scrolling down the ring find your birthday yeah and then it still three times. Oh, okay, yeah. I don't know, yeah. It's like, it's the thing where you're scrolling down the... Vring! Find your birdie.

Yeah. And then it still hasn't come up and you're like... Another one. You're like, fuck this. There it is.

Emily is a nursing student from Nelson. She said, thank you all for being the radio station for lesbians. We really are. And other minority groups

like Sri Lanka. I was actually in a car recently with a car full of doctors and I think we drove past, no names, I'm not going to mention the doctors, but when we drove past the Nelson Hospital they said, ooh yuck, imagine working there. No names though, I won't say who.

No present doctors, not below. Oh my god, no present doctors. Even though I was In Nelson recently With Dr. Sean Even when we did The halfy track But it wasn't No no of course not

It wasn't then You go to Nelson All the time Yeah I go to Nelson And I've got so many Doctor friends Oh yuck Imagine working there

I remember that vividly Because I was like Oh guys I used to live here And I love Nelson Yeah yeah it's beautiful And it's a beautiful Old hospital But oh yuck

Imagine working there It's a vintage A retro hospital We call it retro. That's nice. That's what I want from my hospitals. Old. Yeah. I want them to be old. Dusty. Asbestos riddled.

With the old machines. Hayley, I think you're wonderful and I respect how horny you always are. I'm so horny all the time. Yeah. Emily says, Vaughn, I also respect your horniness and I've stolen your term ethnically ambiguous while describing my taste in women as well Yeah This is why I get on so well with the lesbians

Because they love ethnically ambiguous women We just can talk about women, you know Finally, Fletch, I understand you can't be horny due to the grieving of the breakup of Margaret. Devastating I really hope you get out there again soon. Ja bless Love to all Mirimi Kirimiya.

No. Good. Try again. No. Mirimi. Mere. Mere me. Kere he mete.

That's not what I'm thinking of. What am I thinking of? Mere. Mere. Kere he mete. Can you just let him say Merry Christmas? He's white. No, he's doing well.

He does well. He's got good pronunciation. Mere. Kere he mete. I pronounce emotion. I'm better at Maori than I am at English now. Mere. Kere kere he mehete. Live, love, laugh.

Lovely. Matt says, Matt is 28. He's from Palmerston North. And happy Christmas. I hope you all trolley by the time you read this. Actually, no, Matt. In moderation. Well, he says, if not, get drinking.

Chop, chop. And it's just after lunchtime. We'll have a drink. We'll have a drink. We'll have a drink. Cheers to Matt. Thank you, Matt. Oh, my God. Just ripped down my face.

Thank you, Shannon. Thank you, Shannon. Thank you for that. Lovely. Nicest thing you did this year, becoming a dad. Oh, that's nice. Naughtiest thing you did this year, letting our super secret pregnancy slip to a workmate. Naughty.

Uh-oh, Matt. And anything extra? Fletcher, welcome to Babysit anytime you like. Oh, fuck no. No charge. Absolutely not. No charge. Have you ever babysat as a grown adult?

No, I wouldn't. How do you talk to kids? Talk to me like I'm a child. Hi. Hi, Uncle Fletcher, you. No, because I've got nieces and I'm just like, they're so fucking loud. This is the secret. He's way better with kids than he leads on. No and I'm just like, they're so fucking loud. This is the secret.

He's way better with kids than he leads on. No. I'm the same. Every time we don't come here very often, I feel like if we did come, it might get less, the shine might wear off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's actually very good with kids.

Once in a lifetime is fine. Yeah. And I'm okay with that. Yeah. Well, you saw some of your parenting skills this year a little bit when you were taking care of your friend from overseas. Yeah. You want to put a jacket on? It's so cold. We're up on a mountain. There's literally snow from overseas. Yeah. You want to put a jacket on?

We're up on a mountain there's literally snow everywhere. I think it's best you put a jacket on. Are you cold? Are you warm enough? I'll get you a jacket. It pretty much was like that.

It was like that. You don't like that. I don't know if you should order that. No, you won't like that. You won't like that. Do you want to take a photo? Use my phone because your photo's not as good.

Take a photo. Take mine, darling. I think you should take a photo of every single thing you've ever seen. I hate both of you right now. Are you hungry? Yeah. I hate both of you.

That dude never put on a seatbelt, eh? No, I know. Every time we're in a car, we're like, dude, we're like, beep, beep, beep, beep. They don't wear seatbelts in Dominican Republic. It's got one of the highest death rates for driving in the It blew his mind that we were so insistent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just like so surprised every time. Anyway. Next up, Unlucky 13. We can expect to hear from Becca and Aaron. See you then.