ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 22nd December 2024

Episode Date: December 21, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We try to track down the drummer one of you went home with...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Fleshborn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special. We're back with the Big Pod and the live show

from the 20th of January. Still on the Aperol, still on the firstth of January. Still on the apparel. Still on the first apparel. Still on the apparel. We do want to mention it is still the morning. And we are recording 30 of these. Yeah. So I've got a little post-it note. Every time we do one, I'm crossing it off.

Yeah. Still a lot to go. We won't do what we did the first year that I've done this with you. Done. That I've done in this with you. Yep. I seen you there. I seen you, but then I didn't see nothing.

And you got the Uber Scar the Scar on your knee yeah and I tried to drink one cocktail per episode now that would be 30 impossible we did a mid-year one of these this year

didn't we yeah we did it was last Christmas that got oh that's right last Christmas was the Scar mid-year we were a bit more

behaved ourselves and this year stone cold sober we don't know sure okay so stone cold sober but it is 10.30 in the morning. So that's absolutely acceptable.

Today's moderation is pausing. Yeah. Next up for a shout out is Chelsea. Yes, Chelsea. We said, what are you all about, Chelsea? She said, I'm knocking on the door at 40. How did that happen? Yeah.

When we were having breakfast this morning You were like things bloody 50 something I'm just like Not me though No you're like going backwards Yeah 27 It's not though it's worn off Look at that frown Are you swearing off Botox in 2025

I don't know I'm still feeling it out It is nice to be able to move the face again Yeah but But I don't want the I don't know. I'm still feeling it out. It is nice to be able to move the face again. Yeah, but? But I don't want the wrinkles that come with it. Right. I think it's hooked you. I think I might pause Botox and go hard on fillers. I'm thinking I'm just going to fill up everything.

No one will notice. No one ever notices. Knock on 40. How'd that happen? Stay at home. Mum of four great kids. No cap, she says now. She's speaking their language when she says no cap.

Christmas message. Thank you guys for being in my air holes for many years, saving me from the utter boredom of housework duties. Merry Christmas and have a lovely break. What's the worst housework duty that you guys do? It's got to be window cleaning. I was going to say windows. Yeah, dusting.

Because you think the windows look good and then you come back inside and then it hits the golden hour and it's just a streaky mess. Yeah, iting. Because you think the windows look good, and then you come back inside, and then it hits the golden hour, and it's just a streaky mess. Yeah, it's hard to get perfect. Yeah, it is. That's why I actually don't clean my windows, because I'm such a perfectionist. You'd rather they were dirty.

Yeah, why bother? I can put up with them dirty, but if I try to clean them, it's never good. Yeah, if you don't try, you won't fail. Yeah. Bingo. And it's an equal, sort of well-dispersed level of filth, isn't it, rather than having the streaks of filth. I just thought he had frosted windows. Yeah. Bingo. And it's an equal sort of well dispersed level of filth, isn't it?

Rather than having the streaks of filth. I just thought he had frosted windows. Yeah. They're just fucking filthy. It's a privacy film. Yeah, it is.

Yeah. Film! Don't say film. The nicest thing that happened to Chelsea this year was we took our children on a campervan trip to the South Island

for two weeks. Now I'll remind you she's got four of them. Wow. Wow. And she only mentioned campervan singular. We've got a hero

on our hands. Yeah. It was epic. Highlight was feeding the alpacas at the French farm near Akaroa. The scenery was something else. I've never been. No, I've never been to Akaroa. It's French inspired, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Our friends actually got a place there and never invite

us. Never. Seriously. You go out there, it looks French. Oh, they do. It's got baguettes. It's got. You go out there, it looks French. It's got baguettes, it's got French-inspired architecture and cow... Those skinny pancakes? Skinny pancakes, crepes. And also cowardice when it

comes to world conflict. Yeah, great. Yeah, you just go out there and make a loud noise. Roll over and eat the Germans and show the Germans their soft belly. Also the Wild West Coast and its clear glacial water was incredible. The West Coast was beautiful. You just forget we live in a beautiful country. You take it for granted.

You take it for granted. You do. Naughtiest moment of the year, I told off my son's bullying in the school playground and got a warning email from their head teacher for a playground approach. Did I care? No, I didn't.

Did it stop the bullying? You bet it did. Good. Did your parents? No, I didn't. Did it stop the bullying? You bet it did. Good. Did your parents ever do that? Nah. Nah, because they were kind of the bullies too, weren't they? Yeah, kind of. The parents.

Yeah. It's pretty hard to say that smacking's wrong when that's how they've disciplined you your entire life. Yeah, exactly. I think once a boy called me Scarface Claw, the toughest Tom in town, because I've got a big scar across my chin. Yeah.

I think it was because you were actually backing up and pissing on things. Oh, fuck. That's why he called you Scarface Claw, the toughest Tom in town because I've got a big scar across my chin. I think it was because you were actually backing up and pissing on things. Oh fuck. It's my signature move. You were marking your territory. I was. Did your dad send the repo guys from his finance company? No, I wish they did. No, they sent my brother over to punch him in the face. But they gave my brother permission to go knock on

his door around the corner and punch him in the face. He sent your brother who gave you the scar around the corner to punch another kid in the face. He sent your brother who gave you the scar around the corner to punch another kid in the face. Possibly resulting in a scar. Yeah, it's cyclical. It's wild. Scar on scar on scar. Classic from someone that ran a finance company too.

Send me in horses. Toughen out. Anything extra? Christmas this year is going to be the Christmas of my dreams. Instead of a busy day with relatives and cooking and Christmas to spare, we're going to have a true Christmas cheer. We'll be heading seven hours away to a farmhouse in the Wops. A Christmas for just the six of us to relax, eat, and play with the new toys of the kids and just be in the moment.

It's going to be country bumpkin bliss. That sounds heavenly. What a lovely family. What a nice family. What a lovely sounding family. Well, Merry Christmas to Chelsea and her whanau. But if you go to the Wops, you've got to be organised. Oh, yeah. You can't get there and be like,

I forgot the cream. Freeze some meat. Yeah. You've got to freeze some meat. I thought you said free some meat. Free it as in, like, release it. Once the kids are in bed, I'm a day can free the meat. Well, that's really awful because I don't think Dad's afraid to free the meat. Wrap it up, free it, and then wrap it up. Yeah. Have fun. Might be a vasectomy

for Christmas, eh? Merry Christmas. Otherwise, you'll never fit feed the meat. Wrap it up, free it, and then wrap it up. Yeah. Yeah, have fun. Might be a vasectomy for Christmas there. Merry Christmas. Otherwise, you'll never fit in the camper. That's true, because that's six berths, eh? You have to get a special camper. Yeah. Next up is Bree. She's 31. She's from the far north, Cairo.

Live in Perth now, though. How unusual. She's beautiful. How rare for someone to move to Perth from New Zealand. Where's Cairo? It's, Is it between? Wellsford and? No, it's further.

It's past like Kedikedi, isn't it? Oh, I'm thinking of Carmel. Where legendary All Blacks Ian Jones was from. Oh, no, maybe that's where I was thinking of. Oh, no, hang on. I'm going to Google it on the map. Yeah, go on. I've never even heard of it.

K-A-E-O. I know that there's some beautiful coastline there. Kyle. I reckon it's. How's it spelled? K-A-E-O. K-A-E-O. Cairo, Egypt.

Japan? You know Cairo, Japan. So it's in Northland. It's kind of before Taupo Bay and Mangafai. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. Sorry, Monganui, I should say, Monganui. Yeah.

Yeah, Taupo Bay is near it. It's honestly some stunning parts of the Bay of Islands. Gunning gorge. Sorry, Monganui, I should say. Monganui. Yeah. Yeah, Taupo Bay is near it. It's honestly some stunning parts of the Bay of Islands. Gorge. Great. Her Christmas messages celebrate every fucking moment. And here's the nicest thing that happened this year. A few things. I've lost a total of 107 kilograms.

Oh, my God. That's like a whole person or two Troye Sivan. Two small Troye Sivans. Or two Ariana Grande. Or one of the Hayleys. I think one Troye, one Ariana, and then half again of another Troye. Yes.

Far out. That's amazing. Go you. It was with the help of a gastric sleeve surgery. True, but you have to stick to it, don't you? Do you know, I have a friend that had one. It is not the easy option. It's an assisting hand,

but it comes with its own battle. So go you. I'm all skin now, but I'm so fucking proud of myself. I've decided to throw a 12-year career of legal slash sheriff slash bailiff duties. Jesus Christ. We've got an approximate weight of 44

kgs for Ariana Grande. Jesus Christ. So two Ariana Grandes. Do you know when I was 10 years old, I remember I was 42 kgs. I always thought you were going to say my leg was. Yeah, my thigh. It is literally just under two and a half Ariana Grandes. 2.4 Ariana Grandes. 2.4 Ariana Grandes.

That is insane. She's 44 kilograms. You're going to say you're two Ariana Grandes. I'm two. I'm two. I'm two and a little bit Ariana's. I'm two, yeah. I'm nearly two Ariana's. I reckon I could take two Ariana's. I was two. Inas. I'm two, yeah. I'm nearly two Ariannas.

I reckon I could take two Ariannas. In like a fight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Flick, flick. Baby. Push, push, push. God, no wonder she could defy gravity.

It probably only took a strong gust. 153 centimetres. Because we've met her back in the day. Tiny. Yeah. She had a real thing for me too, didn't she? Oh, fuck off. She also had a thing for Pete Davidson, so you're all right.

I would put Pete Davidson and I on a par. Do you know what? So would I. He's got a big dick and I am a big dick. Yeah. So wait, so she's given up a 12-year career. Of legal slash sheriff slash bailiff duties. Yes, totally a thing.

And hopefully I'll be almost done with my early childhood education certificate, which is almost being a sheriff in a different way, isn't it? It is, yeah, it is. Sheriffing for children. After a rocky few years of health issues, I decided to do something that I love rather than something I'm good at and bored with. Oh, my God.

Bree's doing a total life 180. Naughtiest moment of the year, totally was getting drunk at the Darkness concert. Oh, my God. I believe in a thing called love. Going home with the drummer of the warm-up band. Great. Amazing.

Can we get a quick fact check on who opened for the Darkness in 2024 in Perth, please? And also how many KGs they are because I need to know how many Ariana Grande's he is. From here on out, things will be measured by Ariana Grande. Did she shag someone that was the size of everything she's lost? You know, if she was like, she shagged a 107 kg man, she'd be like, oh. Just shagged my own weight loss.

I shagged my own weight loss. It's a hell of a way of looking at things. Okay. Holy fucking shit. This sentence is, excuse my language, isn't even finished. Getting drunk at the Darkness concert,

going home with the drummer of the warmup band and spending three days in a hotel, working remotely and, shall we say, testering boundaries on Zoom meetings. Good Lord. I love this. She had a sexcapade. This is fantastic.

She had a hotel sexcapade. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can't want any word on her for the Darkness in Perth in 2024. No, nothing yet. Okay. Eva? You and I, the majesty of tap.

You and I, the majesty of tap. I'll say there's a few bands. Bree's giving me big, dizzy death rays. Yeah, big. She gave him a couple of death rays. Anything extra? I listen daily. I have done since the start.

Hayley, you are my absolute girl crush. Oh, my God. We should have a threesome with the drummer of another band. Just a suggestion. This year, my best friend has taught me that I am, in fact, pansexual. Oh, loves everyone. So exploring my mind, and I adore you. Haha, long time listener.

First time contact. Did not bring the bell. Do you have any sort of bell device in your house? No, we brought the bell last time, didn't we? Any sort of novelty sound? We have to get a spoon against the glass. No, I'm sorry I don't. Weird.

Yeah, sorry about that. Oh, we might have a sound effect. We might have some sound effects. What is that? No, you've got to have the channel up, I think, for it to work. Try that. We're on the fly. Jesus Christ, channel up, not're on the fly. Jesus Christ.

Channel up, not channel through the roof. Yeah, okay. We'll leave that there then. I might just. Oh, fuck. That was good. Okay. Lovely.

Well, yeah, that's it. That's that episode. Done, isn't it? Hang on. Hang on. Wait. No. I think we'll leave that there.

Just leave that. Ding, ding, ding.