ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 24th December 2024

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; Fletch reveals what happened with the Hot Argentinian last Podcast SpecialSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. Sledgeforn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to another episode of our Christmas Cocktail Special. We're back with The Big Pod and the live show on the 20th of January. Just finishing up our Aperol spritzies. Slow. That's slow and steady. That's four episodes of one beverage.

Yeah, that's sensible. I think we call that moderation. Did we ever talk about what happened after on the podcast? I might have told you guys, but did we ever talk about last year on the Christmas cocktail special, what happened with the Argentinian after we finished the course? I was thinking I was just when everybody was getting ready, I had a lay down in the bed

and I was like, last time someone was asleep in that room when we did it at Christmas. For like most of the record. Attractive man a very attractive Argentinian He's living in Australia now my Argentinian friend but he was so, like we were all pretty boozed at the end of that, like that's

the night you got the scar, and then he went out and partied more and then yeah did we talk about this i can't no i don't think you have we never talked about he like i just remember like you're asleep he came back to go to bed and would and i was the same i closed my door but then i heard his door open as i was going to sleep and then i heard the front door open and I was like weird, he's come home, what's he doing? And I like walked out and the door was open and I was like this is so weird and then I like opened the door to the foyer and I saw

the lift had just left and I was like weird and then I called Have you not heard this before? Yes, this is new to me Oh my god, carry on And so I called the lift and this is like one, I want to say one in the morning. And we left at about seven. Yeah, because, no, okay, so I'd gone to sleep and woke up when he came home.

And then I was getting to sleep and he left again. And I was like, weird. He said he was going to bed. And so I go out into the foyer. It's like 1.30 in the morning. And the lift has gone down. I'm like, weird. And then it stops on like the ground floor

and then comes back up straight away so I call the lift and it opens and he's standing in there naked completely naked completely naked

not knowing where the fuck he is and I'm like is he sleepwalking or booze I'm just like what the fuck are you doing get the fuck inside so he comes

he comes. He comes in. He gets naked. Hops into bed. Yeah. He's like, I gotta get out of here. And then leaves.

And I'm like, why is he? And so I get up, put my clothes on. I'm like, this is so weird. Half asleep. Just like,

what are you doing? Yeah. So do you know what? If you had, if you had been more boozed or didn't wake up. And didn't know, he would have been locked outside. He would have bounced down, come back up,

and not been able to get into the hallway. He had no key. Because you need a swipe card. He would have been stuck out there naked. Completely stuck. And then in the morning, in the morning, no recollection of this happening. I'm like, dude, you were naked in the foyer.

Like, luckily there were no cameras at the time. Drink. In the lift or the foyer. So he can't remember it. That's like sleepwalking. Yeah, I think it was like nude sleepwalking. Unless he was tagged, but. He was a pretty boo.

Oh, super boo. So if we could learn something from that, it's drink in moderation. We're all thinking that. Report on the dick. Report on the dick. Because the guy was a good looking dude. Argentinian, so. Yeah.

Well, no, I don't know what that means. Are they like the country? Yeah, long and skinny. Long and skinny country. Big meat. Yeah. Right. I'm right next to Peru.

Even if I told Hayley, I definitely told you that story. You told me right on the back of it, being like, oh my God, the next day. Yeah. But it wasn't, it was too fresh to talk about on the podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We needed some distance from who he could have been. He needed to leave the country until I can tell that story. Yeah, yeah. But so for those. It'll be none of that tonight. That listened to last year's podcast special and remember the Argentinian, that's the update. He later on that day was naked going up and down a lift. That would have been enough to put me off drinking for life

if that happened to me. Do we do the phone-a, where did you end up naked? No, but we could do it. Mark that down for 2025. Yeah, that'll be fun. Let's get into some podcast shout-outs. Oh God, I just remembered I've got a story. Where you end up naked. It's my worst nightmare to be in a hotel and think I'm walking

to the toilet because I always sleep naked and go out the door. I hear of that happening to so many people. Josh Thompson's fucking. Oh, my God. I think I've told Josh's story on here before. Yeah. About how he slept in the janitor's cupboard.

Yeah. Because he couldn't have any clothes. Amazing. He doesn't want to have to go downstairs and deal with it. Yeah. Mine was, no, I'll save it. I'll save it for 2025. Okay, save it for 2025.

Where did you end up naked? I also need more distance, even though it was well over 15 years ago. Just another month is certainly going to help. Just more distance. Anisha is next. Hey, guys, it's Anisha. Listening all the way from foggy London town. Foggy London town.

Hello. I discovered you through girl math, and now I religiously listen to the pods. And because you guys are the future, I get to start my mornings with you. Oh, because you guys are in the future. Oh, yeah, we live in the future. We are in the future.

Yeah. We're radioing the past. Also, a the future. Yeah. We're radioing. We're the past. Also, a new listener. A relatively new listener. Yeah. Wow. Welcome.

That's eyes to ears. That's what we call it. Eyes to ears. Eyes to ears. Eyes to mouth. So us on the socials, eyes to mouth. No, no, no.

What's the quote? Oh, they don't like that in the marketing department. All right, come on, guys. Do something viral so we can get eyes to mouth. Create another girl myth. We need more eyes to mouth. We need eyes to can get ass to mouth. Create another girl math. We need more ass to mouth.

We need eyes to ears and ass to mouth. On our calendar, one of the quotes was, if there's no something. If it's 2D, it's okay for Rudy. If it's farty, it's not a mouth to ass party. Yeah. Ridiculous. Grow up.

Please grow up. Christmas message. This year's been rough as, but the most amazing thing, it's brought my family and I closer together. This Christmas we'll all be celebrating with about 20 litres of Baileys. We do Baileys. We do Baileys. Jeez. That's a lot of Baileys.

Now, Dr. Shawnee's, sorry to interrupt, Dr. Shawnee's got some free time and wondering if he can pop around for a drink. Absolutely, but he'll have to provide bar services. And ongoing medical advice for anybody who wants it. He could look at my boil. I think he can look at my pussy. Sorry, we're just recording at the moment, but Hayley does have a boil as well. So pop around now, message me when you're here.

Pop around, pop the boil. Actually, message Karwin because she has the keys and we're recording. Bring a hot needle. And bring a needle, hot needle. Okay, sorry about that. God. God, how are we retaining this friendship? I don't know.

Honestly, I feel like he's sick of it. You ask a lot. Only us and him work three hours a week. That's how this friendship. United laziness. Because, yeah, we both work minimal hours. This has been Rafa's Bailey year's been rough as Bailey's 20 days of Bailey's

and the same amount of wine so I just want to shout out my family for being great and shout out to everyone else who's made it through this year

bring on 2025 yeah beautiful the nicest thing that happened this year we'll be hearing you guys read this out it's been a rough year not gonna lie

I always get my daily joy from listening when I'm feeling like whack on you guys okay we all we all pause thinking I'm feeling like whack off to you guys whack off to you guys just calm down Okay. We all pause thinking.

I'm feeling like I whack off to you guys. Whack off to you guys. Just calm down. God, I sound like a simp. Just pretend that was all heavily sarcastic because Brits aren't supposed to be sloppy. Throw on some insults at each other to counteract all this cringe niceness. Oh, you know I love compliments. That's nice.

Happy to bring joy to your day. Naughtiest moment of the year. Have you heard of the hotel in Europe that has rooms with hot tubs on the balcony? No. Well, me and my boyfriend. Like a swingers hotel. What? Oh, no, you're thinking joint balconies.

I thought their own hot tub. Oh, right. Okay. Each hotel room gets its own balcony. The engineering required to have a hot tub on a balcony would be insane. Hot tub on balcony. Europe hotel. Hotel Europe. I would on balcony. Europe hotel. Hotel Europe. I would just mention a lot too.

I would be, if it was a balcony, I would not trust having the weight of the hot tub and all the water and our two humans. And we're humpty-dumping. I'm guessing where this message is going. A lot of engineering involved. Hey, I'm getting a spa pool, by the way, and I'm only going to share this with the podcast family because it's very privileged.

But you don't humpty-dumpty in a spa pool. You can fool around, but I wouldn't penetrate. Kiss and stuff, but take it out. No penetration. No, yuck. No, I've never. Oh, fuck off. You've got to get better at lying.

Try again. I never even looked at you to know that was a lie. As someone with an acting degree, you need to think, what's my intention here? I want Vaughn and Hayley to believe that I've never shagged in a... Ever. In a spa pool. Vaughan and Hayley specifically.

And how I'm going to do it is I'm going to sell it. Let's go into it again. You're getting a spa pool. I'm getting a spa pool and... I'd never have sex in one. Oh, Jesus Christ. Leave space. Wait for your gap.

Wait for your gap. You cut my line. You cut my line. Sorry. Okay. I'm getting a spa pool. But I just want to ask, because you've got a spa pool, Vaughan. Yes.

Obviously, you don't have sex in a spa pool. No, no, no, no. You can fool around. I'm getting a spa pole. But I just want to ask, because you've got a spa pole. Yes. Obviously, like, you don't have sex in a spa pole. No, no, no, no. You can fool around. I wouldn't. I have never. Neither. Good. Good.

Less was more. Less was more in that case. Less is more when it comes to acting. It's beautiful. Well, me and my boyfriend visited. I won't go into details, but they said the neighbours complained. Good for you, Anisha. I heard a couple having sex once in a hotel I was in

like a year ago and then I was like what do they look like before I get decide if this is like Before you have a wank Yeah And then in the morning

I'm like if I like that what if I see them in their mingers you know and then I'm like oh my, if I like that, what if I see them in their mingers? Oh, I know. You know? And then I'm like, oh, my God, I found that hot. Yeah, well, maybe.

That's okay. You don't have to tell anybody. Do you know, this is the world of audio erotica. I talk about this in my show. You listen to the audiobooks and you're like, hot, hot, hot. It gets you all hot and flustered. You Google the narrator, you're like, oh, no. Yeah.

I play with myself to that. I play with myself to that. It's like hearing voices on radio and you're like, they sound cool. Dulce. Yeah, yeah. In control. Whatever you're into, they. Yeah. I play with myself to that. I play with people in radio. It's like hearing voices on radio and you're like, they sound cool. Dulce. Yeah, yeah. In control. Or whatever you're into.

They're not. And you see our minging faces on a billboard. You're like, yuck. Drive off the road. Anything extra? One day I'll come to New Zealand and we'll get cocktails, but I reckon they should be on Fletch because he sounds richer than the rest of us.

He is. That's true. I mean, I just flew to New Zealand. Hayley's got a wedding and Vaughn has kids. So thanks, Daddy Fletch. You'll, I just flew to New Zealand. Hayley's got a wedding and Vaughan has kids. So thanks, Daddy Fletch. You'll have one cocktail during a happy hour. That will be my absolute maximum there that I'll give. He's richer

than us, but he won't bloody spend it. That's how he gets to the situation. His financial situation. Not spending it. It's crazy because I just spend it all and then borrow more and then spend that. It's wild. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I don't understand it either. I'm still trying to work out what that line is before my bank balance. There's like a dash and then spend that. It's wild. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I don't understand it either. I'm still trying to work out what that line is before my bank balance. There's like a

dash and then a number. Right. I'm like, I'm rich. It's hyphen. But it's got like a hyphen before it. And it's in red. And it's in red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being like, party. It says balance hyphen negative two million dollars. Exactly. Balance colon hyphen. I'm like, you need one, but it's fine. Yeah, it's like HTTP.

No one's putting the colon and the hyphen in front anymore. They should stop doing that. People are like, it's a negative. I'm like, you need one, but it's fine. Yeah, it's like HTTP. No one's putting the colon and the hyphen in front anymore. They should stop doing that. People are like, it's a negative. I'm like, no, it's not. Yeah, thank you, Anisha. Thank you. Mekhan, American spelling. Magan.

Magan. Hey, Magan. Practically in my 30s, brackets 42, and I live in Chicago, Illinois. Tell her where your pen's from. Chicago. That's a hotel in Chicago. Thompson Hotels in Chicago. Okay, mum.

It's a very skinny pen. Go show. Go get a hotel in Chicago. Thompson Hotels in Chicago. Okay, mum. It's a very skinny pen. Vaughn, go show, go get your pen. Okay, okay. Go show Auntie Megan your pen. Hi, Megan. This is a pen from Chicago to you. Speak up, darling. Speak up.

Sorry. Not a baby voice. There's no babies in this house. Megan, this pen is from Chicago, like you. Isn't that cool, Megan? That's cool, Megan, isn't it? Megan, that's real cool, isn't it? Now fuck off.

Go get Megan and me a drink. Merry Christmas, Sam and Nick. You're the coolest New Zealanders I know. That's crazy. Not us. Who's Sam and Nick? Is there a bracket other than present company? Yeah, present company excluded.

Very rude. I don't know. They sound cool, though, don't they? Sam and Nick. Sam and Nick. They sound cool though, don't they? Sam and Nick. Sam and Nick, they sound cool. My husband and I booked a trip to Hawaii for our anniversary this year. That's a nicest thing that's happened this year. Lovely.

Naughtiest moment of the year was I bought a lauve. Lueve. Oh my God. A lauve purse with the money I was supposed to use to update our garden and chicken coop, which is currently empty. Good luck having your purse lay you delicious eggs. Yeah, exactly. I'd love to see you make an omelette out of a Luave purse. Oh, my God.

But the purse brings more joy than some sick chickens. And also that purse can't get bird flu. Yeah, you have to put your chickens down. You won't have to snap that purse's neck. Snap and burn the body so it doesn't spread. Wow. It was dark, very dark. Real quick.

Anything extra. Very embarrassing moment. Inspired by Hayley got Botox for the first time. Kia ora. Wow, you're a Botox influencer. I don't want to be this. Wow, wow. Now, remember, I'm a very body positive woman

other than when it comes to myself. I think that's how most body positive women work. Natural women. We just need to age gracefully, but not my fucking forehead. Yeah. Because that's a trick. You're trying to get them all to age gracefully so they look older and by proxy you look younger.

That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to raise women up. I'm trying to get them to get haggard. Get haggard as and I'll be like, jokes. Yeah. Oh my God, you guys look terrible. Oh my God, I'm literally made of plastic now. Most embarrassing moment.

So I got the Botox for the first time. The sheer number of needle pokes triggered my gag reflex And I threw up A whole bunch And also after three kids my pelvic floor's a bit crap So when I throw up I piss my pants I would say this is very very embarrassing That's a brilliant story

Those Botox bay That's so embarrassing Those Botox needles are so little It's just like sharp scratch And she gets a little sharp scratch. Sharp scratch. She gets a little sharp scratch and then goes, First of all, she goes, I hope your forehead looks snatched.

It looks great. Now that she's cleaned up, wiped the spew off her chin and the piss out of her pants, she's looking She looks 20. She's basically looking in her 30s even though, as she said before, 42 from Chicago, Illinois. She has a white Christmas. Yeah, she might do. She has a white Christmas.

I love Chicago. It's such a beautiful city. Now, can I suggest we're at the arse end of our Aperol spritzes. You're snoozing a bit, Fletch. Yes, another round. What should we have next?

Do you want to do another round of the Aperol spritz? Amazing. There's a bottle of ginger beer in my fridge that I need to use. Amazing. There's a bottle of ginger beer in my fridge that I need to use. Rum. Or a mule.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mule maybe. Like a rummy. Ginger beer. Winnie the Pooh. What? It's not a cocktail. It is.

You're not just saying things that are ginger. Honey, ginger, rum. Some sticks. Some sticks and a red t-shirt. You sift through a red t-shirt and wring it into a glass.

A bunch of friends that all tick into different mental illnesses. You've got depression with A.O. I love a dash of depression with my rum. Mix it with a little bit of hyperactivity disorder with Tigger. What's Piglet's defining feature? He's anxious and he's got...

I could put my anxiety meds in. Drop that in and just take a little breath. Yeah, Rue's got separation anxiety from his mum. We'll be back with our next episode tomorrow, Neve O. Neve! Neve O and Early P.