ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 26th December 2024

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; Some of you are really out here lying to Police Officers...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify

Or wherever you get your podcasts Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special We're back with the live show and Big Pod on the 20th of Jan We'll see Maybe TBC, TBC, that one. I'm sure. I'm still considering my options.

Yeah. That's important. I think everybody needs to keep an open mind about 2025. Sadness and poverty. We'll just keep hanging out with you two. Gemma is next. She is 22 and she is from Christchurch. Otutaki Christchurch.

Kia ora. Beautiful. Kia ora. Kia ora. Shout out to the parking water in Wanaka who let me off

a ticket every time he caught me in a 30 minute park for too long. Let me off every time. Legend.

I'm going to say Gemma's hot. We might have a hottie. Yeah. Might have our first certified hottie in the

park. I'm going to say Gemma is right up that parking water's alley. Gemma's a hot 22 and Gemma that's a hot name.

Yeah. Yeah. Nicest thing that happened this year, my mum became free from stage four ovarian cancer. Oh, my. Stage four. Amazing. Oh, my God.

That's amazing. Oh, my God, that's amazing. She's absolutely thriving now. It was the greatest day of my life when we were told. Gemma, give our love to your mum. That makes me want to cry. I'm so happy. Naughtiest moment of the year.

Hello. Here we go. I went to my boyfriend's cousin's 21st. We were staying at his nana's house. We got home. I get completely naked, running around trying to find a toilet. I end up pissing in his nana's bathtub. Oh, Gemma.

Wow. Is she Argentinian? Who knows? My boyfriend's mum and auntie are like, Gemma, are you all right? Helping get me up and put clothes on. Jesus Christ. The anxiety was out the gate. Oh, my God.

Look, I've done embarrassing shit. I thought just pissing in the bath, but then they fight. Do you think she slips? Do you think she sits to piss? And then auntie and mum open the door and they're like, Gemma, I've done embarrassing shit. I thought just pissing in the bath, but then they fight. Do you think she slips? Do you think she sits to piss? And the auntie and mum open the door and they're like, do you know when you think you'll be real sneaky when you booze, but you're not. It's okay.

But do you know what? At least it's just a bath. Yeah, it wasn't like the carpet. Totally. Yeah, totally. It's like that time Vaughn pissed in the Ibis in the corner of the hotel room and I had to say, Vaughn, that is not the toilet. That's my favourite thing.

What can I say? I'm Argentinian. What can I say? I'm Argentinian. You're not. You're not Argentinian. Not Irish. But bonus nachos. Bonus nachos. You still let go of it.

Write it off, Gemma, as a funny story you'll be telling for the rest of your life. When I told you that story, whose bathroom did you picture? Nana's? I pictured my Nana's. Oh, your Nana's.

Downstairs in Dargaville. My nannas' house, which is weird. What, Dargaville had two-storied houses? Yeah, they lived in a two-story house. Downstairs bathroom walls carpeted, though, so you really have to get the piss in the bath. See, my nan and gangie's house had carpeted bathroom because they built it in 1980.

Yeah, perfect. And it was green. The carpet wasn't. The carpet was brown, but the cabinetry was green. Yeah. And I pictured my picture that. I pictured my nana's house with this big old ceramic bath with water stains down

the... Yes. Where the tap dribbled. Yeah. And I'd imagine lying in there and then I'd imagine my auntie for some reason sitting at the door with my nana being like, what's wrong? Yeah. Nothing going on. That's weird. Whenever you're told to put your... It'd be weird if your auntie saw your dick. I don't think my aunties have ever seen me naked. A post doing nudie runs, you know, as a kid. Yeah, Nothing. That's weird. It would be weird if your auntie saw your dick.

I don't think my aunties have ever seen me naked, a post doing nudie runs, you know, as a kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've got three aunties. I don't believe any of them have ever seen my penis. Did that just take you like quite a while to figure out if any of them could see? Because I wanted to be truthful. Yeah. When was the last time, I know we've talked about this,

but I've forgotten the answer. When was the last time your parents saw you naked? Even as an adult? Nah, like when you were a kid, saw you naked? Ever as an adult? Nah, like when you were a kid, I guess. Born ever as an adult? Nah, I don't think so. Yeah, she changed your nappy last Christmas. She did, actually.

You were so intoxicated, you were like, I'll put on a nappy. Well, I'll be, Mum. Mine was... Come on, Mum, for old times' sake. Mummy, Mama. No. Draw a line. Line, wait a minute. I'm glad we Draw a line. Draw a line.

Wait a minute. I'm glad we found that line. Line. Found a line. Drawn. I'm glad we found that line. Okay, great. Gemma says,

I love you guys. Listen to the ponies on Spotify every single day. Although you can try our heart radio, Gemma, I would. I would too. Ding, ding, ding, KPI. Ding, ding, ding, KPI. Tony could try. Okay, that's our KPI chimes.

That's the KPI chimes. Love that. Okay, great. XXX. Lovely. Thank you so much, Gemma. XO, XO. Next up is Anya.

Anya. Anya said, you've asked me about me and this feels like a setup. Having the next question, ask what naughty thing I did this year. Yeah, good. I don't want the cop knowing I lied. So I shall not tell you about myself. Just that she's an Anya. Oh,

okay. But I will say the naughtiest thing. I cried to a police officer and told him that my pregnant sister was being rushed to hospital. All a total lie. I don't even have a sister. Amazing. That's wild.

That your immediate lie was, I'm going to make up a person. I'm going to make up a scenario I'm going to make up a scenario Rather than just I'm going to take someone Who already exists In a scenario that exists And work it to my benefit

If I was that cop I'd say Okay let me just run your name Yeah yeah yeah And then against A big database The sister's database Which they all have

Because in the database It says only child Yeah That's what it says On your license Yeah or has only brothers Are you a donor Date of birth

Type of license One brother. Sibling status. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sibling status. So she made up, I don't even have a sister. I got out a speeding ticket. Amazing.

Good from you. Good lying. Christmas message. Started listening to you guys last year and now every single day I listen to your podcast. It's how I start my mornings on the way to work and how I end my day on the way back home. Wait, so you listen to half, go to work and then finish us off? Yeah, yeah. She might have a beep in. Finish us day on the way back home. Wait, so you listen to half, go to work, and then finish us off? Yeah, yeah. She might have a beep in.

Finish us off on the way. Yeah. Start, take a nice big break. The nicest thing that happened to me this year was that police officer letting me off with a warning for speeding. Well, that was a big event for you. Anything extra? Oh, don't read that. No, I don't reckon we worry about that one.

Oh. Oh, wow. Well, I'll read it. Hayley is the funniest person alive. And the reason I listened to Sex.Life three times through. Watched Taskmaster and went to the Seven Days Live. Fletch and Vaughn, y'all are right. Y'all are right.

Wow, wow. Thank you. That is in fact true. Would you wait for Vaughn and I's podcast, Sexy.Life? Oh, yeah. It's going to be so good. I'm trying to think of a name for like vanilla spice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get born to catch up. What is it like? It's quite nice. Yeah? It's quite nice. Sometimes I say the raison d'etre. The reason to be. Oh wow. That was nice. How do I say that again?

The raisin de tré. R-A-I-S-O-N. D apostrophe E-T-R-E. Lovely. The reason to be. Raisin de entrée. Reason of being. Raisin de entrée.

Raisin's entrée. On our next podcast, Casey and Hannah get a shout out. And we get to the bottom of raisin entrees.