ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 27th December 2024

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We discuss chocolate thins and say RIP to MargaretSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to our Christmas Cocktail Special, our big pod and our live show is back on the 20th of January. Oh, I've got terrible news. What? Stop doing this. Not confirmed. Not confirmed. Stop doing this. We might not get a season.

What is it for you guys? 21. 21. Oh my God. We will be doing... Fuck off. Season 20. If you think about it like that That seems absurd

Season 21 Casey is the first, Kia ora team, Casey from New Plymouth here Kia ora I'm so sorry Don't be sorry, it's a beautiful, Hayley, you love New Plymouth I am such a fan I've had a little read ahead You and New Plymouth come up

Oh really? Okay, well I won't say how I feel about it Christmas season, shout out to the podcast game. Love the laughs and support. We all show each other. Oh, the game maybe? The podcast fam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fam auto-corrected to game.

It is beautiful. All right, nicest thing that happened to me. One of my highlights this year was finally making it to Hayley's show in New Plymouth and meeting her, Fletch, Aaron, and big-hearted James after the show at a bar. I remember this. This next sentence is, and chatted to Aaron for an hour about absolutely nothing. He can, eh? He can talk.

He loves a yarn. The boy loves to chat. He's very, very good at talking to anybody. He's a bit vawny in that he'd prefer not to leave the house, but if he's going to, he's going to engage. He does. He's a very good wedding date if he doesn't know the wedding people. You know what I mean? Because I can go and be like, are you all

going to be alright? And he'll just be... We've been at weddings and Maddie McLean... Oh my god, Matt and Mike's. Remember Matt and Mike's wedding and Aaron sat there the whole night. Because there was a stage where Maddie McLean was getting his ear chewed off by some... People love Maddie McLean. Oh yeah, they love her. Especially in the South Island, especially ladies of a certain

age. Love Maddie McLean. Maddie, you just haven Especially in the South Island, especially ladies of a certain age. Love Maddie McLean. Yeah. Maddie, you just haven't met the right girl yet. Yes, are you sure? Are you sure it's cock for you, Maddie? What do you mean you're married? I just think you haven't met. At a gay wedding, she's famous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't think you've met the right woman yet. And he was getting pumped. And Maddie was like looking around. And it was like Aaron. And he's like, okay. Tap in. Like almost as they pass.

Attack him. Save him. Where are you from? And then they're like, it's Greg Grover from NASA. Oh my God. After a little while. That's right. Casey goes on to say,

and echoes the sentiment with a lovely bunch of people you guys surround yourself with. We do. We're a lovely group of friends, don't we? What is Big Hunter James doing today? He is working, but he is going to try and make it near the end. Yeah, this is a lot of people's working, but he is going to try and make it near the end. Yeah, this is... A lot of people are working today, Vaughn.

Be here at this time, because it's still the morning. I'll send him a voice message and say... Hi, sweetie. He wants to say something to the people of the podcast. Hi, James. We're just recording the podcast. Somebody's mentioned you in the podcast, and they're wondering where you are. Are you going to join us today for the shout-outs?

And do you have a message for the people listening? And do you have a message for the people listening? And do you have a message for the people listening? Thank you. He'll be at work, but he'll wear his headphones. Yeah, perfect. Does he wear his? He'll be like, hi, sweetie. Hi, sweetie.

Oh, hello. I bet you he says, oh, that's so nice. Oh, my God. When was it? When did you last see James? Not so long ago. James and I had a sleepover at Fletcher's house right here. That's right.

His legs I'm going to give big hug to James Because he does a lot of cycle classes Will you just tell me about my legs I tell you about your body all the time I haven't seen James for a long time I've actually asked HR to have a word to Hayley He's got really good legs

He's been doing so many cycle classes He was wearing these tiny little shorts to Troye Sivan Tiny shorts I'm saying hot pants The whole night he kept hiking up Oh my god, I just remember the day he's been doing so many cycle classes and he was wearing these tiny little shorts to Troye Sivan. Tiny shorts. I'm saying hot pants. They kept actually, the whole night, kept hiking up. Hiking up to a grunt of sorts. Almost to a speedo. But I saw the whole leg and oh my god, the legs on him.

He looks incredible. He always has, to be honest, but the cycle classes are really... I can't say I saw that. I'm going to have to pay special attention. You do mention next time. Could you send him another voice note asking him to send me a picture of his legs? Okay, stand by.'m going to have to pay special attention. Did you ask him to send him another voice note? Asking him to send me a picture of his legs? It doesn't have to be in situ.

Also, Vaughan wants to see a photo of your legs because apparently they're looking quite good at the moment. I've said James, they're looking great. Okay, here we go. That'd be great. He's in meetings. He fires people for a living, which is odd because he's the loveliest man.

But if you wanted to get fired, you wanted a big heart of James with his legs out. The most amazing stories about firing people. Oh, yeah, which obviously he's the loveliest man. No, but if you wanted to get fired, you wanted to be Big Hearted James, with his legs out. The most amazing stories about firing people. Oh, yeah, which obviously he's never told us. Never, of course. No, we're hypothesising he would have good stories. That's what we said. We won't go into it here.

That's what we said, yes. I'm sorry. Casey says, thanks for being yourselves, and Hayley, not being normal. What? Not being perfect normal. Making not being perfect normal. I'm sorry, did this bitch just say that I'm not perfect?

I think she just called you a minger. She basically said you're a giant fuck up. Wow. I'll just say Hayley equals minger. Hayley equals, Dr. Shawnee's here! Dr. Shawnee! Yay! Dr. Shawnee. Okay. Do you have a message for the people,

Dr. Shawnee? Speaking to the microphone. Hayley, you have had a shave. Oh. Um, Hayley's got a boil on her ass. Oh, yeah, I've bought some supplies. Have you? What have you got? Your keys.

He bought gauze. Oh, my God, he bought things. A syringe. Are we doing a live operation? I've got a needle and I've got some steroids. Oh, I love that we're going to do a live operation on the next episode. This is exciting. Oh, my gosh.

And I reckon you bent over the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do a video of this. There should be a sort of surgical cover. And when they put the blanket in, they cut the hole. I've got some Sheridan towels. Yeah, perfect. You want to cut a hole in it?

Well, I do. Okay, I will. This is probably a good time to say I've got two that have popped up. Okay. One's right on the cheek, and to see it, you'd have to get quite into the anus. And one's quite high up in the lower back area. We could address that one.

Is that sort of a riding? What the hell is happening? A bit of dirt got in there, and it's ridden and ground in. Let's do that on the next episode, then. Episode eight. Surgery. He's literally bought a medical needle with him. I love this. This is fantastic. Okay, who's next, Vaughan? Hannah D is next.

She is 32 years old, and she is from Ototahi Christchurch. Grab a cock, actually. Just grab a cock after the surgery. Dr. Shorty turned to me and said, Dr. Shorty, grab a cock and come and join us. But let's not drink until after the surgery, because we don't do surgery after a cocktail. God, no.

He's an actual professional GP. He's an actual professional. Let me point that out. Yes. Kennedy, 32, from Ututahi Christchurch. Beautiful. I'm not just counting down to Christmas, but my first baby due on the 29th of December. Oh, my God.

What a joy that'll bring to your life. That's so fun. I can tell you. I'm practicing. You're practicing, yeah. I'm genuinely happy for you. It's been two years of trying, some huge highs and lows, but it's always the potty gets me through those sloppiest nights and anxious times. You guys are

epic, long-time listeners. Keep an eye out for my baby name announcement. Wink, wink. Fletch. It's going to be Fletch. Oh my God. It's going to be Fletch. What could it be? Fletch is a surname. Fletch would be such a great first name. Fletch is a great last name. It's one of the kids that the girls go to school with whose first name is Fletcher. Love it, eh? Yeah, yeah.

And there's twins out there called Fletch and Vaughn. Oh, that's right. We've talked about this. Who would be? Well, we need triplets. I reckon the Vaughn's in prison. Because this was a while ago.

Yeah. Or Juvie. Or one of those new national boot camps. He's in prison. He's got twins. He took the fall for Fletch because he's the better of the two. Yeah. He's probably in one of those national boot camps.

Having the time of his life. Having the time of his life. And to age, it's probably too old for a youth boot camp. Yeah, probably. How old's Hannah? 32. It's interesting that I've got lots of friends who are trying and trying and trying for babies and they said it's such a mental shift because as a woman, you spend your whole life trying

not to get pregnant. Yeah. And then you make the decision and then you try. Apparently, it's a real mind fuck. For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market.

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or wherever you get your podcasts I'll never it's an experience it is yeah I mean don't worry about this boil Dr Shawnee I reckon we could do a little tube tie you know

we don't you don't do tube ties. I don't think we do that on someone's couch. Is that an in-home and on-couch procedure? No, it's not. Nicest thing that happened this year was getting pregnant after years of trying. And the naughtiest moment of the year was too many orders from Timu.

Yuck, I hate it, but I love it. You be careful because a lot of people's houses have been burning down and those poor hot firemen have been like, oh, it's another Timu lamp. I know. Do you know how I ordered my beekeeping supplies off Timu? Yes. We caught up.

I got my bees last night, late night, getting the bees because you have to wait until they go to bed and then you lock them in their house and then you rob their whole house. What time do bees go to bed? Sunset. It has to be dark. Like me.

Or like you. You were in bed before the bees last night. It was nine o'clock When we got the bees Oh my god Do you know what I woke up this morning To a Like a you up

Message I was like Fuck Oh really Yeah Like a real hot one What time did the you up Jesus

7.43 You are the only person That gets asked Are you up Before 8am 8pm And I'm like Fuck You're the only person I would have stayed up Late for that too You're the only person that gets asked, are you up before 8am, 8pm. And I'm like, fuck. You're the only person.

I would have stayed up late for that too. You're the only person. They're like, it's past 7.30, we better ask you up. It's like when I left that fucking gig and then I woke up to a text from Jason Momoa saying, where are you? Fuck you, come party. And I was like, you're in bed.

Or when it's like I wake up to a message that says like, don't forget, Mitre 10's big long weekend sales happening this weekend. 15% off all wheelbarrows. 15% off. And I'm like, oh, yeah, dog. Oh, yeah, dog. All weekend, you say?

Dang, I slept through that. Damn, you up? I am now. But the beekeeping, I ordered that stuff off Timu and it was kind of a bit of a laugh, but I don't want to invest a whole lot of money in it. I took around the gloves and the puffer and everything I bought, exactly the same as the guy, exactly.

I'm not even shitting you, exactly the same. He paid hundreds of dollars for it. No. And you were trying to tell us that the gloves were genuine leather. Me and Fletch put them on, you could almost see the printed perforation on them. But you know how things that are stamped genuinely, that it is the

lowest quality. It's a brand name. You know what we looked into? It was like, there's leather. You could call something leather and it has to be leather. You can call something genuine leather and it doesn't have to tick. It can miss six of the eight boxes. Is it true with leather you can put a flame up your lighter on?

And it shouldn't be able to get fire. It's like when you go to cheap Asian markets and they always get the handbags, they're like, look, look, look, and they run the lighter along them to be like real leather. But they do it real quick. They do it real quick. With the actual genuine handbag, which the others are not. Of course.

Yeah. Of course, of course. I love Ducky and Gabanna. The only, anything extra, the only thing I've ever disagreed with Vaughn on was what side is the top and the bottom of a chocolate thin Oh yeah The chocolate's on top

Exactly Wait The chocolate's on the bottom No it's not So I agree with you wholeheartedly Who's this for? Do a little video That's the reply to the UR.

No, no. Hang on. We're getting a message from our friend Mike. Mike, I'm just going to put you on speakerphone. What's going on? Oh, why, hello. Hello, Mike. I can't believe you guys are drinking this early.

Yeah. Well, we're recording the podcast. Are you coming to visit? Yeah, I am. I was just ringing to see if you're available. Yep, come on over. I'll message you Carwen's number and she can go let you in when you get here. Carwen's getting a fucking workout letting in all of our friends.

We'll see you soon. See you soon. Bye, Hon. Bye. That's our friend Mike. Not our friend who we use the pseudonym for. He's got a real flash car. He does have a nice car.

He's got the new Land Rover Defender. Sorry, Vaughan, carry on. So, yeah, the only thing I've ever disagreed with Vaughan on is the top and the bottom of the chocolate thin. So I agree with you wholeheartedly because I don't consider the manufacturing process of the chocolate thin the end result of the chocolate thin. If you were given a chocolate thin and you put it on a plate,

you'd put it chocolate up. Yes, because otherwise the chocolate will melt onto the plate. But people are saying it's chocolate down. No, it's not. It's chocolate up. It's chocolate up. It's chocolate up. I think this is why we're genuine friends. When you put it in your people are saying it's chocolate down. No, it's not. It's chocolate up. It's chocolate up. It's chocolate up. I think this is why we're genuine friends.

When you put it in your mouth, I might put chocolate down because then you get the chocolate on the tongue. No, I would still eat chocolate up. So I get sucked in the mouth so you can enjoy it later. I'm ambidextrous when it comes to that, but I always believe chocolate up. I like to call it bisexual. I eat my chocolate.

Bisexually. Bisexually. Yeah, that's beautiful. Up and down. Yeah. In and out. Now, James has sent a message back. Bisexualy. Bisexualy. Yeah, that's beautiful. Up and down. Yeah. In and out. Now, James has sent a message back. Okay, great.

Oh, so this is James. Big hearted James. Is this episode? This is our current episode. Hi, sweets. How are you? I'm currently working. We'll aim to drop in for a wee drink here to Savo.

Yeah, that's the load of it from me. Where's my shout out. Who said something about me? That's very cute. I hope they said my legs were looking nice. They did that. Well, that was Hayley. It was Hayley that said that,

but they said Becada Jones is a lovely man. So yeah, that's some people. And then the guy from Mythbusters came into the studio for an interview and we asked him and he's like, it's chocolate down, purely on the manufacturing process. No. Yeah. Surely the biscuit would run through a chocolate down, purely on the manufacturing process. No.

Yeah. Surely the biscuit would run through a machine that got chocked on top. No. It dips. It dips. It goes into a little dip and comes out and that's why the chocolate's got the print on it

because it sits on solid. If the chocolate was up, it would run off and have like a ripply thing like a Tim Tam or a Mars bar. Yeah. Insane. Yeah. It baffles me that there are fans of the show who still don't know the show's secret.

Cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di the show's secret I am Cheers to Lady Di Cheers to Lady Di Cheers to Lady Di Cheers to Lady Di I'm the Lady Di Lady Di Taken too soon Or by the way

You are the only person And next year You will be of the age That Princess Diana was when she died Was she 36? She was 36 years old when she died How much did that woman achieve Before she was taken from us?

I know About too soon Wow Okay Wow Well is that it? No not quite yet Hayley you're an absolute asset to the world That was a woman achieve before she was taken from us. Yeah, I know. About too soon. Wow. Okay. Wow. Well, is that it? No, not quite yet.

Hayley, you're an absolute asset to the world. To the world? Actually, wow. Hannah, that's a lot. I think leave some of these out. It's a bit much. No, I love them. You know, I thrive on compliments.

She's having a monster day. I am having a great day. That's the end of episode seven. Next episode, a live boil extraction Oh god And I believe G Now we've just got to name the name G Which may mean it's a salacious Or a gangster

Shout out And Lucy also gets a shout out in the next episode See you then