ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 28th December 2024

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We've got a fancy thief on our hands and a live 'boil' extraction!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special, the Big Pod and the live show is back on the 20th of January. That's not what they're saying in the gossip magazine. That's not what they said in Women's Weekly. Not according to Women's Weekly. There's tension on the show. Episode 8. Here we are. Will it be between the shoutouts that we have a live boil popping?

I think at the end of this episode. Is it going to be at the end of the show? Up to you, Hayley. You're the patient. When would you like to see the doctor? I've opted for this. Two I noticed yesterday. Yeah.

One's on the ass cheek and one's lightly above. You'd say lower back. I showed Shannon. I think we'll go that. Lower back. Just so you guys respect me still. Yeah. Because I'm quite close.

I'll have to. That's what I was thinking. That's why I'm still working towards gaining your respect. Putting up a sort of a curtain. Yeah, respect me still. Yeah. Because I'm quite close, I don't have to That's what I was thinking. I'm still working towards gaining your respect. Putting up a sort of a curtain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Well, Dr. Shawnee will look at the boil at the end of the episode. He's brought all sorts of medical stuff. Yeah. First up is G. G is a 27

year old female. And then says lol, so I don't know if this is lies? Some people wanted to remain anonymous, so I've only just used like initials. Yeah, that's great. Which is fine. I'm from Auckland originally, but currently living in Oxford, home of the comma and the dictionary.

Yeah, my favorite comma, actually, the Oxford comma. In the UK, I'm doing my master's degree. Shout out to my partner who followed me from England to live in Oxford for a year while I become an unpaid student again. He works to support the lifestyle, which I've become accustomed to while working in New Zealand. Also, shout out to my family back home in Auckland, my mum for always taking panic calls at random hours,

and my dad and sister who are my gym buddies. As a former instructor at the gym, I thank Hayley and Fletch frequent. I absolutely love your gym stories. Keep them coming. Oh, yeah. Okay. Do you know who this is? Yeah, good.

No. No? No. Oh, I thought this might have been an instructor that you two were familiar with. Gee, I wouldn't even know. I haven't done classes for a while. Has one disappeared lately? No. There's so many hotties at that gym. It's an absolute pleasure to be a member.

Take my money. Continue to take it. Nicest thing that happened this year was completing RPM cycle training with my sister and to be a member. Take my money. Take it. Just take it. Continue to take it. Just take it. Take it. Our nicest thing that happened this year was completing RPM cycle training with my sister and team teacher. Oh, that's amazing. So they're becoming a cycle trainer?

Probably the reason James has got his good legs. Good legs. Great legs. Our friend James. Have you seen the photo through yet? No, he's working. We'll see them in the flesh. But no, I was thinking that could have been a historical.

It could have been a recent photo. It could have been his work slacks. Yeah, I don't think he's got a leg file on photo. Imagine him as a member of an HR team. People walk into the bathroom. He's got his pants off around his ankle. He's trying to take a selfie for us. Yeah.

It's not good. No. Probably not. Naughtiest moment of the year was stealing a plate from one of the fanciest Oxford College's dining halls because I was drunk and decided the college could afford it. Do you remember there was a period of our lives, Vaughan, when we would steal cutlery and put it in your wife's

handbag? Yes. At nice events. Because sometimes the cutlery at Vaughan's wasn't that nice. We were living in a flat. Probably chipped as well. It was chipped. Cutlery's probably got chips all out of a bend and chipped. And the knives had weird stains on the end. Yeah, yeah, big black burn marks on them.

Flat cutlery, it never matches. Flat? Yeah. But I tell you what, we got some good cutlery for your flat, didn't we? Didn't we get some good cutlery? I think it started out as a joke of how much stuff could you hide in someone's handbag. Yeah. And then they'd just pick up and leave at the end of the night. I used to love doing that, taking home a great wine glass.

I stole some coasters from the Omani military. Who's ever purchased a shot glass and not just had a shot at a bar and put it in their purse? Yeah, I think that's what my shot glasses are. Yeah. Nice heavy hospitality grade. Big arse on them. Big arse on them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big arse on them. Slam them down in moderation. Anything extra? Please don't include my name. I don't want Oxford coming after me for the plate. Oh, that's why we've got an initial. Okay.

That makes sense. That's so cute that they steal a plate from Oxford and they think Oxford are going to come after them for the plate. Is it like embroidered? Is that what you call it? Gilded. Gilded? Yeah.

Must be. It will be. Embroidered, you put it under the sewing machine and just hope you have a hard needle on it and just fucking crank the banana. Lucy C is next. She's 25 years old, from Wellington, currently living in Cambridge in the United Kingdom.

Have you been to Cambridge in the UK? One of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Is that where Prince Harry got married? Don't know, I don't care. That huge university, Cambridge University, really quaint English town, and I saw Louie Theroux on a pushback, you know, documentarian.

Are you sure it wasn't just some nerdy British guy? No, it was definitely him. He was in town doing a chat while I was there. So we've gone from Oxford University to Cambridge, the home of Cambridge University. We have quite educated listeners. It's quite nice. We do, darling.

Darling, you're a good boy. That was the rowing race episode of the podcast. It's nice to be in like-minded company finally. It is. Clever, clever, clever. Shawnee did rowing too. What did you do? Did you do rowing or dragon boating? Rowing. Rowing. He did rowing. He's nice to be in like-minded company finally. It is. Clever, clever, clever. Shawnee did rowing too. Did you do rowing or dragon boating?

Rowing. Rowing. Someone's got those beautiful shoulders. exactly. Are you upset with how much I was groping your husband's shoulders the other night

by the way? His husband has great shoulders. Actually, at one point, Dr. Shawnee's husband has incredible arms and incredible everything. But why are we stopping there? Yeah, I was going to say

he's incredible. Let's carry on. Because you love the ass horn, don't you? Do I what? I know. I'm jealous of it. You should have a hoon on these shoulders. I was hanging off them. They're gorgeous. Maybe I will. We digress. There's a slight sidebar there for the shoulders.

There is a sidebar for the shoulders. Always sidebars for the shoulders or a badonk. Christmas message, tease and peace to the Kiwi whanau who are missing New Zealand, especially this time of year. So that's just all New Zealanders from around the world. She said they're missing. Thoughts and prayers to you guys. Nicest thing that happened this year.

I moved to the UK alone and it's been hard at times, but some of my sister's friends who are also in the UK have reached out, checked in and even taken me out to shows and drinks. Oh, that's nice. It feels like an extension of my family and helps with the homesickness too.

Naughtiest moment of the year. I'm an asexual girlie with too much anxiety to break rules, so I can't think of anything. Sorry. Asexual. Now that's not interested in sex. Not interested in anyone or sex or just kind of happy to just live life without it. Kind of what I'm like.

It's almost the antithesis of the three of us, to be honest. For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son.

This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Anything extra? You guys are my primary connection to the going-ons in Aotearoa and keep me sane when I hear a familiar. We're the mainstream media. We are the mainstream media. We are the mainstream media.

Special shout out to Hayley. It's because our listeners know she's high maintenance and needs Yeah, she needs this. Otherwise she'll lose interest. Yeah. I'll just start complaining, but no one's talked about me for ages.

For being incredibly beautiful. Jesus Christ. And hilarious. She says she's asexual. This feels very sexual, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. A lot of sexual energy here towards you. A lot, yeah.

Being an incredibly beautiful and hilarious presence on the show. And for your candidness when talking about health issues, like the chaos that is PCOS. Oh, my God. Yes. Well, if you want some chaotic health, we're about to pop a boil. Yeah, we are. Thank you, Lucy.

Dr. Shawnee, do you want to have a look at it? I don't even think it's going to be a boil. It's just going to be a gross pimple, isn't it? It we're about to pop a boil. Yeah, we are. Thank you, Lucy. Dr. Shawnee, do you want to have a look at it? I don't even think it's going to be a boil. It's just going to be a gross pimple, isn't it? It's just going to be a lump. Yeah. So we're just going to do the one on your lower back so that Vaughn and I don't accidentally see a lip or anything. Vaughn, do you want to take your microphone over to Dr. Shawnee?

Introduce Dr. Shawnee to everybody as well. Dr. Shawnee. everybody as well. Dr. Shawnee. The poor guy's putting his hand on my skirt and it's so sweaty. That's just a pimple. It's just a pimple. Is it just a pimple? Are you going to pop it?

Has he got, he's got gloves on, hasn't he? No, he doesn't. Oh my God. It's fine. He's doing it as a friend, not a doctor. He's doing it as a friend. Yes, doctor. Pumps and a needle.

Yes, doctor. Yes. Oh my God. Vaughn, are you the nurse? I'm the nurse. Vaughn's the nurse. There you go. Would you swabs and a needle. Yes, doctor. Yes. Oh, my God, Vaughan, are you the nurse? I'm the nurse. Vaughan's the nurse. There you go. Would you like me to open this for you, doctor? This is not a great angle for me, Carwin.

Carwin, could you please take my mic? How low down is it? Could you take – oh, yeah, Vaughan, you go over to Dr. Shawnee. Okay, I'm going to get up. Get up and go to Dr. Shawnee, please. We need some audio there from the doctor. Okay, explain to us what's happening, Dr. Shawnee. First, we've some audio there from the doctor. Explain to us what's happening. Shawnee?

First we've exposed the, it's not a boil, it's just a tiny little pimple. Oh, God. Classic old exaggerator over here. I'm embarrassed to think it was a boil. Louder, please, Dr. Shawnee. You're on the radio, not the fucking. You're not in the medical room now, Dr. Ropata. With an alcohol swab and then we're just going to give it a wee nick with a.

For a pimple. It's called an extraction. Are you ready? Yeah. Don't give me a countdown. Just go for it. Tiny scratch. Tiny scratch.

Tiny scratch. Just like Botox. Oh, my God. I love it. Oh, my God. It feels so good. Oh, yuck. This is disgusting.

Oh, no. He's squeezing it. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. That's on my couch. That's on my couch. Oh, my God. Yuck. I is disgusting. Oh, no, he's squeezing it. Oh, no, no, no. That's on my couch. That's on my couch. Oh, my God. Yuck.

I don't like it. Are you going to mop it up? I don't know if it works, but I'll just use the alcohol swab. Oh, yeah. What about I've got a four-ply handi-tail. I reckon a handi-tail is a handy towel. You want a four-ply? I'm so glad I had a higher one.

I'd feel so exposed if this was the one on my ass. Pass me that dressing. Oh, this is a bit of a joke. Oh, I'm getting dressed. a higher one. I'd feel so exposed if this was the one on my ass. Pass me that dressing. Okay. Oh, this is a bit over the top. I'm getting dressed. Are you getting dressed? Now, Dr. Shawnee, in future, how can I avoid these? Why is this happening to me? Not being a grubby bitch.

Not being a grubby bitch. I am a bit manly. Would you say that to a patient in the room, though? No. Do you know what I did the other day? Do you know what this is a result of? I did some gardening, and then I cleaned the shower and the shower was so clean I didn't want to shower in it

so I just wiped my bits and went to bed. I must have missed the lower back. Exfoliate. Yeah, exfoliate. Yeah, there you go. The way he put that dressing on, you couldn't see from where you were, Fletch. Very nice.

Was it nice? Yeah, very nice dressing application. This is what he's trained at. This is his job. You'd think it would be good. God, he's done a good job. Tight dressing. Tight dressing.

Round of applause. Thank you so much, Dr. Shawnee. Fantastic. Dr. Shawnee, there we go. Do you also think it's because I wear these high-waisted undies? Look how high. And it's getting sweaty under there. Well, it's summer.

Very humid now. It's getting very hot. Thank you, Dr. Shawnee. Wash your hands, Dr. Shawnee. Lovely. On the next episode. God, that was intimate. That's more intimate than the time that Dr. Shawnee and I had too much to. Shawnee. Lovely. On the next episode. God, that was intimate. That's more intimate than the time that Dr. Shawnee and I had too much to drink

and we spooned in your spare bed. Yeah, I know. And I woke up and he had copped a breast. And he learnt. He was giving you a breast exam. He is a doctor. He learnt the heaven of what it is to be big spooned to a woman with nice jugs. And he just, he did that thing.

I think it just confirmed his homosexuality, to be honest. I miss my husband and his nice arms. On our next episode, Julia and Louise. Wheezy, get a shout out. Those are two of the most popular names of the 80s and 90s.