ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 4th January 2025

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We get a Christmas shout-out from someone famous... sort ofSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Sledgeforn and Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special, the big pod and the live show back January the 20th. I just want to quickly mention, and many, many little pods ago, Colleen, lovely Colleen from Australia, sent us a Christmas package. Yes. Do you remember she gifted me a glittery butt plug?

Yes, which I clarified to you was actually a champagne stopper. And I've just used it in the bottle of Prosecco. It's so good. And it's so lovely, Vaughn. It's in the fridge. Have a look. Oh, you put it in the fridge. It's lovely. And it's got like a little rubber seal. Oh my god, it's beautiful. It's lovely. At time of record, I have yet to play Colleen's card game that she sent my family

but my daughter August opened it and she said I've heard about this. Can't wait to play it. I've played it. It's amazing. they'll love it. And my tree's going up tomorrow, Colleen, and I will hang the bird decoration you gave us. Now, shout-outs continuing. We've decided to have a coconut margarita, Hayley. Yes, and Vaughan's taking a pause because he is a father.

I'm taking a pause, I've got to go to a Christmas parade later and I don't think it's a good idea to turn up fucking legless. Well, we were legless last year and it was fine. Yes, you abused the local MP. I remember it being perfectly fine. Well, he had just

loosened cigarette laws, Vaughn. So we screamed at him, got any durries? And he looked at us and shrugged his arms like that. Sorry, guys. We have kind of relaxed

and let Big Tabacco win this one. But you're white. You'll be fine. You'll be all right. Rihanna is the first for a podcast shout-out this episode. Kia ora. Don't be rude, boy, boy.

Is he big enough? What? I was in the middle of a kia ora e ho mai. No, now you've buggered me. E hoa. E hoa ma. E hoa ma. What does the ma mean in there?

Friend? Because e hoa is friend, right? Kia ora, friends. Maybe it's the plural. Maybe. I'm Rihanna, currently residing in Christchurch. I've been listening to your podcast since high school where we used to sit on the school field at lunchtime

with you on our headphones. That is... That's the cutest thing ever. Yeah, but like... But obviously only five years ago, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say so, yeah. We're all about the same age.

So nice. I just wanted to send a shout out to my girl Jess who's an avid podcast listener who uses your dulcet tones to fall asleep every night. Should we give Jess a bit of a sleepy? Good night, Jess. Hi, Jess. Just relax your feet.

Taking a deep breath, Jess. And inhale out the mouth hole. Too quick. Oh, my gosh. There's a ghost. There's a man at the door. Run, Jess. Slow down and breathe in, Jess.

It's all your imagination. Jess is in our avid powerhouse who is currently undergoing chemo. And I know that shout-out from you guys will make her year. We got this, Jess. We'll have a few beers once Larry the Lump's been dealt with. So Hayley just scared a cancer patient out of bed with a man at the door. She needs her rest, Hayley. She does.

Wow. Come back. I was joking. Jess, Jess, Jess, I was joking. Come back to bed, Jess. She needs her rest. She does. Wow. Come back. I was joking. Jess, Jess, Jess, I was joking. Come back to bed, Jess. Just relax, Jess. You need your rest to get through this chemo. We're sending you our love and relaxation and positive vibes.

Breathe in and out. Really relaxing breathing. In and out. You're really relaxing. Breathe in. In and out. The nicest thing that happened this year, she said 2024, to be honest, has been a bit of a shitter. Yeah. Agree on that one.

And cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di. Cheers to Lady Di. I am going to say I'm not, you guys are having a drink. I'm just having water, but it is Fletcher's water, so. Do you need to put it in a blender to sort of mix up the chunks? My water is... Break up the paste?

Chunks taken out of it. Althea is 30... We should have a water, though, Hayley. After this one. Did that water moment just hit you? Yeah. We always, you know, whenever Fletcher and I drink together, we say two things.

One, we've got to eat. Yeah. Because the only times that we've ever got carried away and regretted it, we haven't eaten enough food. And two is have some waters. Yeah. We have to. And obviously drink in moderation.

In moderation. Only ever. Which we are, just in case the people are listening. The people are listening. Althea is 32. She's from Hamilton but living in the UK. Although I will be in New Zealand when the Christmas cocktail specials air. Oh, my God.

Exciting. Oh, my God, exciting. Dear FBH. Meat, right, Nana? How very neat. How neat. Oh, wonderful to hear. Good, dearie. We'll see you soon.

Ta-ta. Ta-ta. Hooroo. And you realise they don't really know what you've – they didn't really hear much. Who was that lady? Yeah. I don't think you guys realise.

Oh, God, here we go. I realise the joy you bring to people's lives. Oh, Vaughan. I mean, it's very, very nice, but I don't want to read it out loud. I really look forward to listening to the podcast. And for six or so minutes, I'm transported back home to Aotearoa. My husband calls you the Kiwi morons. Well, I'll be honest with you. He sounds like a bit of a c**t.

Read that bit. He finds Vaughan the most annoying. But he just doesn't get it. Yeah. Thank you for being my link to New Zealand and bringing the classics, a Kiwi warmth through the airways. Love you guys.

Love you, bye. Nicest thing that happened this year, my mum passed away earlier this year. Boy, I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. Jesus Christ, nicest thing that happened. I'm so sorry to hear that. Just seeing how many people cared and loved her was the most touching thing I've ever experienced.

It was a silver lining. Again, I'd just like to clarify, her passing wasn't the nicest thing that's happened this year. It was the outcome of everybody saying such nice things about her. Naughtiest moment of the year was hiding loo rolls from my husband. He never changes them and I got sick of it. He ended up just having a poo and then washing his bum in the shower. Yeah, that's what you get.

That's what you get. Because straight up it sounds like you're married to a guy I went to school with and flattered with momentarily called Luke, who was like, we're out of toilet paper. I was like, oh, did you buy some more? He's like, no, I've just taken to shitting and then having a shower straight afterwards. Oh, for God's sake. Because you're dealing with this with Aaron, weren't you? Yeah, he just leaves the empty

roll on the thing or puts it on top of the toilet, which is just one step away from putting it in the bin. So I start hiding them in his things. I put them in his pockets, I put them in his side drawer, I put them in his car, the empty things, I just move them around. And does he like... It just doesn't register.

He'll just be like, hold that kid there. I must have put this in my pocket. Rather than the bin! Oh, God. I cleaned the bin. Look at that. Oh, God. I cleaned the garden at our house recently underneath the toilet that the girls use.

And there were so many, like, degrading cardboard toilet rolls because when they stand up to get into the roll, they just literally chuck it out the window. Yeah. Easy. Boom. Three bites, Colby. Muscle shifts.

Give them a lighting That's very good I know you're not allowed to do that Not that I would anyway Even if I was allowed to I wouldn't smoke my children Would you get soap and water? Wash your mouth out with soap and water?

Nah I don't think so Grab a handful of the garden Where the toilet rolls are And put it in their mouth Yeah Now that's adequate That's a good one

Eat it Eat the dirt This is what the toilet roll feels when you throw it out the window. It's disrespectful to the cardboard industry. They work so hard. There's children in Africa who would love a cardboard roll. Yeah, they could draw on it. Make binoculars out of them.

You should make them do a shift at the loo paper factory unpaid. As punishment. Yeah, as punishment. And then what if, like, forcing a kid to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, they're like, this is actually a great job. I'm paid well. I've joined a union. Yum, yum, yum, cigarettes.

How delicious are these? Fantastic. Let's keep making toilet rolls, which is fine. You know? It's a great job. That's the end of episode 15. Anything to add? Oh, wow.

That went quite quickly. You guys going to have a water now? Yeah, we'll have a water and come back with the next episode. Caroline G, who sounds like she should play a saxophone or something. Caroline G. Or a clothing. She could be a clothing outlet. Oh, my God.

Caroline G. Oh, sweet. Caroline G, G, G. Didn't it love it love it and Alyssa get shout outs as well

oh great Alyssa Z too Alyssa Z Z Z Z