ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 8th January 2025

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; Does Hayley know who this Christmas shout-outer is talking about?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special. The big pod is January 20. It's back with the live show as well. Now, who's getting a shout out, Vaughn? Kendall's getting a shout out. We were just done with some fire engines.

We had to wait for the sirens to die down. I panicked and I ripped my shirt open and now my buttons are all gone. Sort of a Pavlovian response. Yeah, it is. It's knee jerk. Tearing it in a way you wouldn't. I cannot, I know we talked about it on the big part, like on the big show.

The firefighters I saw earlier... The firefighters... Is it the booze or the fact that I can still hear them and I'm imagining what they look like? There's more coming. Yeah. There must be a big fire or evacuation somewhere. The firefighters I saw earlier this week on Monday night

were like a parody of a hot firefighter. Just beautiful. Should I jump out the window? See, this is what I'm saying. You've got to be careful. We need to shut these windows. Yeah. Get you maybe restrained in some fashion.

Yeah, I've got locks for the cat. Like kitty locks on the window so he doesn't fall out. So Hayley's fine. Yeah. It is actually going mad out there. Yeah. Four fire trucks. Have they left or are they still there?

Or they've gone that way? Statistically, one of them's hot. Do you know what I mean? At least one. Four fire trucks. Have they left or are they still there? Or they've gone that way? Statistically, one of them's hot. Do you know what I mean? There's four trucks full. Statistically, at least one's gay or lesbian too. Oh my god, a lesbian firefighter. Okay, Hayley needs a moment. Kendall is first up.

Kendall is 26 years old and she is the one that won the competition to see Taylor Swift in Vancouver. Oh, that's lovely. I'm contacting you guys to say a massive thank you from the bottom of my big Swifty heart. So grateful I can experience this. You've literally made my year. The nicest thing that happened was winning Taylor Tuesday competition.

The naughtiest moment of the year was calling over 2,000 times every Tuesday to get into the draw for this competition. I can't believe I won. I mean, it worked. Yeah, it worked. Persistence is the key there. Yeah. Yeah, but persistence is the spark to the fuel.

Motivational, Vaughan. Yeah, really motivational. Motivational. Laura is next. She is 38 years old from Wellington. Hayley represent. I think it's because. Well, Hayley's from Rangiora.

My son was from Wellington. They're both 38. I moved there at three. I'm fucking 35. Thank you very much. Oh, Wellington. They're both 38. I moved there at three. I'm fucking 35. Thank you very much. Oh, wow. Thank you very much.

Pretty much, I know your friend Christabel. Next year, Hayley's late 30s. Yeah, she is. I'd say she's already kind of entering the last half. I've had a couple of drinks. Why are you doing this? Do you want me to cry? Is that the goal? What are we doing, boys?

Do you want me to cry? Is that the entertainment value we're going for here? You've had too many nice compliments. It's just... I actually have had a lot. I was trying to bring you back. You old hag. She said, I know your friend Christabel.

Or at least your older sisters. I don't have a friend Christabel. That's interesting. Is there a Christabel out there saying that she's my friend? Wait, what? Are you sure? Go on Facebook and search the name Christabel. I don't have a friend Christabel.

Or what are you looking at? Poor me, Scal. No, older sisters. I went to primary school with a Christabel. They had two older sisters. That could be her. Maybe. She said your friend, Christabel.

I'm sorry, Christabel. I haven't seen you since I was 12. Wow. Okay, so you've cut all contact from... What a bitch. Wow. Because Vaughn and I are friends with everyone we went to school with. Everyone I've ever met. Everyone you were friends with. Everyone we've ever met. Okay, if this is the Christabel... Okay from – What a bitch. Wow. Because Vaughn and I are friends with everyone we went to school with. Everyone I've ever met.

Everyone you were friends with. Everyone we've ever met. Everyone I've ever met. Okay, if this is the – okay, here's a story. If this is the Christabel that she is talking of, then Christabel is the girl that I first tried alcohol with. Oh, wow. She was a little bit naughty.

Yeah. And we had a sleepover once at a young age Much much before 18 And we were In these sleeping bags And she said guess what I've got And I was like what And she pulled out an RTD

And she was like we should drink it And I remember being like oh no This is so bad and I had a sip I think it was a KGB And I had a sip and I was like that's yum And then that was the end of that Here we are today So bad. And I had a sip. I think it was a KGB. Oh, goodness. And I had a sip and I was like, that's yum. And then that was the end of that. And then that was that. Here we are today.

The slippery slope began. If I was a therapist, I'd say that was a key moment. Yeah, that was a key moment. A key moment there for young Hayley. Thanks, Christabel. You've cost me a lot of money. Thanks for being the people I hear first in the morning. My last on the way home via the podcast.

Am I comfortless when I go to bed? Oh, that's nice. I've listened to the Zenny Breakfast Show for ages and used to listen to Fletcher Vaughan on the afternoon show on the station that shall not be named, driving home from school in the afternoon. Impossible. Crazy.

Yeah, considering she's too nice. It's like time's passing. Hayley, I saw your show Wild Flutters. Average. I'd give it two stars. That's not what I'm reading here Oh what does it say on your one? OMG it was amazing

Loved you on TV but even more So the boys on radio No mine here says it was average Average two stars No wonder you're not on TV anymore Lucky the boys saved you No sometimes the producers do this Because they know Hayley's vulnerable

And the girls done that Yeah she needs upping So sometimes they will feed you false compliments. Right. And so Vaughn and I get the original copy. It's crazy. Do you know, out of all my friends, of all my friends, Fletch has seen the show the most.

Yeah. Every year. Wow. So fucking painful. He travels to see it. So you can really vouch for how fucking terrible it is. He's really like, I don't get it. I'm going to have to see it again.

Yeah, and I get it. I'm open to it being good. I want it to be good. I want it so bad. Maybe this time the delivery, the performance will be a bit better. But it just never lands for me. Yeah. Do you know one compliment I hate when I do a live show?

Everyone around me was laughing. Oh, wow. No, I have said I genuinely did love the show. I think a lot of people have been like, yeah, yeah, well done. Like, well done being brave enough to get up there. Man, everyone around me was laughing. They might have also been laughing, but it goes without saying that I would be laughing.

I am your friend and the people around me were all laughing. You don't take it like that. No, I was like, yeah, I'll never talk to you again. I hope to see you guys do an FVH live in Wellington so I can see you in the wild. Yeah. We haven't done one in Wellington, have we?

No. Safari. No, we haven't yet. I hope you have an amazing summer break. The hours that you all do, well, Vaughan's questionable, but he has farmlets, so are amazing.

I appreciate you all. It is a weird time of the morning to be alive. It is weird, isn't it? The nicest thing that happened this year, I achieved living in my own place at 38, but was still a high lie.

Hell yeah. Naughtiest moment of the year, gossip behind a workmate's back, true mean girl style, what a bitch. Typical Marsden girl behaviour. Oh yeah, classic. What's Marsden girl?

The most expensive private school in Wellington. And maybe the most expensive private school for girls in New Zealand. Oh wow. Oh wow. What's so fancy about it? Do they have their own bloody... I don't know, they had short skirts. So I remember

we were like, because we had ankle length as the Presbyterian way, we were like, who is? The who is in Karori? But no, it's just a fancy private school. Who's it named after? Samuel Marsden. I was thinking James Marsden, Hollywood actor No, not James Marsden. I was thinking James Marsden, Hollywood actor. No, not James Marsden.

I was thinking Marsden Point, the refinery, the oil refinery. Probably named after the same guy though, right? Samuel Marsden. Wasn't he a bit of a coloniser? I don't know. I don't really know who Samuel. Oh, God. I think you'll find most things with European names in this country.

You know I'm majority coloniser, but I am part. Yeah. Colonised. You're both coloniser and colonisee. It's a battle that happens inside of me every day. An everyday battle. Yeah. Colonised. You're both coloniser and colonisee. It's a battle that happens inside of me every day. An everyday battle. Yeah. Okay, Samuel Marsden was an English-born priest of the Church of England in Australia

and a prominent member in the church. So it's crizzy. He played a leading role in bringing Christianity to New Zealand. God bless. Marsden was a prominent figure in early New South Wales. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. But also for his employment of convicts for farming. That feels like big slavery vibes.

That feels like convicts for farming. It does feel like a little bit of a zhuzhat. How much are you paying these convicts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paying them? What are they farming? Cotton. Cotton?

I'd say it's cotton, isn't it? When you say convicts, do you mean, yes, I mean enslaved peoples? I mean people we took from their... You say tomato, I say slavery. You say tomato. Have a cocktail for me, says Laura, but in moderation, of course. What is going to be our next cocktail of choice? We're just finishing a delicious coconut halberd.

Well, lovely James, big hearted James. Do we call him Great Legs James? Great Legs James is about to join us and he is a great espresso martini maker. But here's the twist

and Vaughan, I think you should get down on this even though I know you're taking great pause and you're drinking his milky water. Yeah.

He doesn't have normal vodka on the cart. He's got raspberry vodka. Oh my God, big hearted. Look at the legs. Look at these legs! We were just saying good legs!

Good legs! Big Hearted James, come here because I'm pitching something to Vaughan. On the cart, we were just talking about how you make such a good espresso martini. On the cart, he's only got raspberry vodka, and then with the coffee, he's only got caramel coffee,

and then we've got Kahlua. Oh, we're pushing a lot of substitutes. Yeah. So we're bringing in some raspberry, some caramel. I think it will work.

I'm going to go out there and say it'll work. Should we make one? Should we try it? Well, yeah, that's what we were going to ask. That's okay. And now, by the way,

how have you knocked off work so early? Two o'clock right now? Oh, like five hours later than you normally. Yeah, don't worry. These are playing in the future, so you can tell us the truth. Your employer won't hear you.

Oh, so he's technically working from home. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, it was approved. It was approved. Okay, lovely. That's lovely. Not approved.

Wink, wink. Okay. Historical point, Marsden Point Oil Refinery on Marsden Point, also named after Samuel Marsden. Wow. You've actually joined us in a really riveting conversation about who is Samuel Marsden. Yeah, okay, make us a raspberry caramel espresso martini, please. Yes, fantastic.

Thank you. What a catastrophe. I finished it up. You finished that up? I finished it up. Okay, fantastic. I want to talk about Samuel Marsden a little bit more. Look at him.

He's a funny-looking fellow. He looks like a toad. He died nearly 200 years ago. No, but also guys, I'm sorry, but imagine you lived 200 years ago and they're like, we've got to do a stencil picture of you.

And like, you're just like, I can't be fucked sitting here for four hours. Just look at me. No, I'd be like, give me a couple of weeks on keto and I'll sort this right out. Yeah.

And if they were doing a painting on me, I'd be like, no, start again. Yeah. And make me look pretty. You've made my shoulders look 20 times wider than my head. It's kind of like someone squished his face down with a thumb. Yes.

Like a bit of blue tack on a wall. Apologies to Samuel Marsden's family listening. If you're listening. Beautiful man. Yeah. Did great stuff. No one? So much terrible, good, bad.

So much bad. Let's just edit this. Do some more research, Shannon. Man, that's Samuel Marsden. He did some good, bad stuff. That's for sure. Great. Fantastic.

Hero. Prick. Villain. Hero. Saviour. Villain. Coloniser. Coloniser.

I mean, that kind of goes without saying. White saviour. Yeah, yeah Colonizer. I mean, that kind of goes without saying. White saviour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, join us next when we're going to try beautiful... James, we're thinking of changing your name from Big Hearted James to Great Legs James. He's happy about that. Because the cycle classes have been paying off. Holy shit, I could not believe it.

It is a little booty short. Yeah, we should also talk next on the show about what James does after his cycle classes at the gym. Oh, my God, I can't wait to hear. And that's the pot calling the kettle black. Also, in episode 20 next, it's the return of our old favourite, Sanjita Vagina Pyjamas. Sanjita Vagina Pyjamas!