ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special - 9th January 2025

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

On Today's Christmas Cocktail Special; We hear from an iconic long time listener!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sledgeborn and

Hayley's Christmas Cocktail Special. Welcome to the Christmas Cocktail Special, our big pod and live show. It's back on the 20th of Jan. Well, I'm... Your cat's being weird. Sorry, your cat's just been quite weird. Why is he being weird?

He's sat on a box. Oh, he loves sitting on things. The rubble in the box. Yeah, he loves sitting on things. It's nice. It's a cat thing.

Yeah. Yeah, my cat does it too if you leave a bag or a plastic bag or something. You should take the thing out of that box and then be able to jump in it.

Yeah, probably. I quite like being in a box. Yeah, maybe. Why is he in that box? The only one in this house. Hey, who likes being in a box. Yeah, maybe. Why is he in a box? The only one in this house.

Who likes being in a box? Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! of a podcast shout out hallmark. Yeah. A stalwart. Yeah. Absolute stalwart. A legendary member of the community. It's Sanjita Vagina Pajamas. Oh my gosh. Sanjita said, 31 year old, London born Indian, born and raised in London, long time listener, never been a caller, but multiple times shout out to.

Yes. Hit it. Love it. That's Hit it. Love it. That's worth it. My message is for the team. Your sweet tones have been keeping me awake, productive, and happy over the last 13 years. You've been a part of my day slash life routine,

regardless of how I've felt. You've helped me heal in different ways, but also given me a break from my little bubble. Thanks for being you. I hope the safari continues for many more years. And that's another one that could go to your London show. Yes. If you do your comedy show over there.

I'm really thinking about it. Are you hooked, babe? I'm hooked on a good time. Hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. That you're in love with me. Lips are sweet. Okay.

I was going to go for the ooga chukka, ooga, ooga, ooga chukka. Dancing baby, first ever meme. Nicest thing that happened this year. Was it actually the first ever meme? No. It feels like the most shareable kind of vibe. Shareable video. Google first ever meme.

What was the first viral video? Like truly viral video? That one. First? There's so many of the original ones I still love. Leave Britney Alone, Double Rainbow, Chocolate Rain. Charlie bit me. Charlie. Charlie!

They're probably like 40 now, those guys. Probably got grandkids. Yeah. They're probably doing a live nation tour of that. The Dancing Baby came out in 1996 and is considered by many to be the first digital meme. It took hours to download and was very creepy. Yeah.

Yeah. It was creepy. Yeah. Remember when we had to wait hours for things to download? I know, and you'd be like, fuck, I wasted all that time on that shit picture. Yeah. Of a cat.

Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready. Show me the image. Show it to me. Now, those titties will be ready by morning. Turn the brightness'm ready. I'm ready. Show me the image. Show it to me. Now, those titties will be ready by morning. Turn the brightness right down on the computer screen. Yes. Heaven forbid.

And go to bed. Forget that you're getting charged per hour for dial-up internet and get a $100 bill. Very expensive titties. Then your brother picks up the phone. You're like, you bastard. Boo. Kids these days will never know what we're doing.

They'll never know. They have no idea what it took. What do they even have to wait for? My kids don't wait for anything. There's no waiting. I'm the same now. I'll open an app and I'll hit a button and if it takes two seconds, I'm like, come on!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just swipe up and get rid of the app and try again and try again. But they don't wait for ads, like ad breaks, like watching a TV show. You've got four minutes, cup of tea, go to the toilet, whatever. They just don't wait. Okay. There's no waiting. Big hearted James with the great legs. Now, what have we, cup of tea, go to the toilet, whatever. They just don't wait. Okay. There's no waiting. Big hearted James with the great legs.

Now what have we got here again? Thank you. Thank you, James. James, do you want to tell us what we've got here? Espresso martini. We've had to substitute because Fletch doesn't have normal vodka. So weird, eh, with the most stocked bar cart I know. I'm so sorry.

So it's a raspberry espresso martini with caramel coffee. James has got very dulcet tones. He used to be in charge of the cabin on big long-haul flights. James, come back and do your safety briefing. Yes, please, a little bit. He gets drunk and loves doing this. I can't remember it now. Oh, come on, James. It was only a few years ago.

Welcome on board this Waka E Rererangi. On board flight 69, shortly bar for family bar. Oh, James, that's amazing. Is it? It's caramel raspberry. Cheers to Lady Di. Cheers. Cheers to Lady Di. It's very sweet. Oh, fuck off. Well, you know Fletch just loves to slurp up. You're such

a puss. You're a big puss. It's a lot. It's amazing. I'm somewhere in between the two of you. It's a lot of substitutes. Hoof, you do one or two most. Yeah. It's great, James. Thank you. Thank you, Jamesy. Great legs, great cocktails. Matewa. Give us a matewa.

Matewa. That was a perfect matewa. Matewa. We did it on the plane, didn't we? Yeah. You used to say it all the time. The nicest thing that happened to Sanjita this year was my husband and I had purchased the house. Oh, congratulations. We've been married and him moving to the UK from Tanzania. You know, we're talking Tanzania is an African country.

Not too far from Uganda. You're in your Ugandan. No, she's after Sudanese. She's after a Sudanese man. Specifically looking for someone from South Sudan. South Sudan. War-torn South Sudan. Yep.

Okay. Okay. It's in my head and it won't leave. Right. How did it start, this whole wanting a Sudanese man? I can't say, but it has become somewhat of a fixation. Tanzania is there and South Sudan's there. I don't know my African geography very well at all.

Well, you can either go through Uganda or Kenya. I'd need an accompaniment, but yeah. I wouldn't go through. Your other option is going through. I've gone through Uganda once. I'm sort of hoping that a Sudanese have you

I'm hoping that a Sudanese person finds his way to me right okay stumbles into New Zealand and is like help me help me

where do I go where are the good things and I'll be like no maharamai Aaron out we've got a guest yeah Aaron why don't you pop down

to see Aaron Christchurch the house that you've just spent years pouring your blood, sweat and tears into. You've got to get out of it. Occupado. Because I want to get absolutely railed by South Sudan. So, Aaron, here's an idea.

Anyway. We're going to be married to him and move into the UK from Tanzania. We both changed jobs twice, bought a house, bought two cars, and we officially have no money. Holy shit. Welcome to owning a home. Welcome to life. Yeah. Welcome to life. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. You've got everything and nothing

all at once. Naughtiest moment of the year was I broke my iPhone and I bought another one without telling my husband. I left my phone on the side of the sofa and I had a few wines and it fell. Next day I saw the entire back plate had smashed. I checked my Apple Care which had just run out. I never told him I ended up spending £1500 on a new phone. I would

never hide a purchase from my partner. Now that's good lying, Fletch. That's a three-year acting degree. That's how you do it. For me, I think that the trust's not there. If you can't trust them, I share everything with Aaron. Really? Yeah, even the fact that I want to shag a Sudanese guy.

I never told him that I ended up spending the $1,500. For context, we'd just bought a house And our monthly mortgage repayment was £1800 Oh wow Anything extra to add? She said it's been a dream Since I was 18 when I first heard you guys to come to New Zealand My best friend currently lives in Australia But frequently visits down south

I hope one day to be free from crazy London And be in crazy Auckland Sanjita Vagina Pajamas As we've always said, you are always welcome here Always welcome to pop into the show if you're ever here. Of course. We love visitors.

Don't worry about booking accommodation. Fletch is spare room. Best location. No, it's not going that far. You can get to anywhere. We're so far away. We're so far away. Because when I have guests,

the power bill goes up. Oh, heaven forbid. And the water, everything. Oh, actually, Sanjita Vagina Pajamas, you don't want this water. It tastes it. Listen to this. Yeah, listen, Sanjay to Vagina Matamas, you don't want this water. It tastes it. Listen to this. Yeah, listen to this.

Have a little sip. It's barely getting through the straw. That is quite rude. That's not what's happening there. Now, lovely-legged James is now giving the producer girlies a taste of the caramel raspberry espresso martini. Carwin, thoughts? It smells delicious. It smells delicious. It smells delicious.

And it tastes delicious as well. Shannon's being responsible because she has to push the buttons. Well, so the last time we did this, Shannon sustained a ligament injury.

A near fatal injury. In fact, I think last time we did this, the producers were the ones that were afterwards who were like, is there anything going to be left of that?

Shannon did a classic, where's my phone? And I was like, here we go. I found the SD card on the floor the next day when it went up the vacuum cleaner. Yep. So we've put in a few rolls this year. So that's why I have the tube.

Carwin, feedback on the cocktail? A lot of flavours. It's a lot of flavours, eh? It feels like you've had a mouthful of everything. That's not on James. He's working with what he's working with. The head on this thing is perfection. Good head from James. They say that. Good head from James. I've known this. This's not on James. He's working with what he's working with. The head on this thing is perfection. Good head from James.

They say that. Good head from James. I've known this. This is what they say. I never understood it until now. Great head from James. It's that Flight 69

to Family Bar. That's right. That's why he's in charge. Next up is Lucy. She's 21 and she's from London town. The podcast is my go-to listen on journeys in the car

whether it's five minutes or five hours. Merry Christmas to you all And to everyone else Good night And thank you for Brightening our days Blah blah blah That's a compliment

I thought it was for someone else And then it turned out To be for us Celebrating my 21st With my family Was the coolest thing That happened this year Including a trip to Dublin

And a surprise pamper party With the girlies Also discovering you guys Through TikTok What are you doing Dublin? That is ass to mouth That's ass to mouth Oh That's ass to mouth. Oh, no, sorry.

Eyes to ears. Eyes to ears conversion, which management talk about quite a bit. They do. They do. People find us online through girl math or something. We've been saying the best way to convert listeners is ass to mouth. Ass to mouth. Yeah.

Because they're more likely to stick around because it's a genuine experience. I think this is the first time James has heard how passionate we are about getting asses to mouth. Well, James doesn't work in marketing. He wouldn't understand ass to mouth. Yeah. Unless he's a family bar. Like they say, if you do ass to mouth, you've found a keeper.

Yeah, exactly. Never let them go. It's a safety thing. It's beautiful. It is. I love listening from the UK. Thanks, guys, for the podcast. Lucy, that is our goddamned pleasure.

Thank you so much. And it's good to have Lucy on board, a newish listener, you'd say. Yeah. Next on episode, what episode have you got that we're up to? 21. Holy shit, 21st birthday. We're going to hear from Nicola, Katie, and Carla. Nicola Willis.

Nicola Willis. The finance minister of New Zealand. No, Nicola L. Who, by the way, is younger than me. That's fucked up. That's fucked. Politicians shouldn't be younger than us. But we need to stop saying it because when she hears it

and we're saying, she's not that young. No, I don't mean it. She's in charge of too much stuff. I'm a kid. I know. I'm a kid too. I shouldn't be in charge of anything. I'm so cold.

Yeah. We should also, Shannon, I know you're doing a lot of rolls today, but take a photo of Fletcher's lounge floor. Because after every sheet, we are just screwing them up and hiffing them on the floor. Yeah, and it's a sea of scrunched up. Yeah. At which point, after this, I plan on just leaving it.

Yeah, that'll be me cleaning that up. That'll be you. Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough, actually. Fair enough. He was the one that didn't have plain. He's got literally nothing to do with he was the one that didn't have plain

remember when he didn't have plain coffee or plain vodka for a martini espresso I'm sorry I've got advanced tastes advanced

raspberry vodka and caramel coffee I'm sorry you can't handle straight vodka you need to get something that's a little bit more wasboy

a little bit more wasboy for my powwet wasboy