ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 10th October 2023

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; after many saucy responses to our "Did you catch a Parent Cheating?" Phoner , Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley continue reading out your juicy texts... Buckle Up!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchvorn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. And we've had to come back and do a warning, haven't we? Again. This is a common occurrence now. I think we need to clean it up. The word, the C word? Not the bad C word. The chicken.

Vaughn's incredible scream. I scream. But when you hear me scream, you'll be like, warranted scream, coach. I apologize to the listeners' ear holes. Yeah, apologies to your ear holes. What else? A lot of sex, a lot of sexy stuff. Yeah, because we do talk about cheating when you've caught a parent cheating,

so there are some wild stories. I reckon in general you'll be alright. Put the kids in front of the TV or crank a window and you'll be alright. Oh god, another one's just... Let's get to some texts. Should we do a text here to lead into the other texts? Okay, sure. About ten, I walked into the

kitchen and saw my dad and my mum's best friend kissing up against the stove. They jumped apart and he told me not to tell mum. He said, it's our little secret. Naive me walked right to mum who was in the dining room with the best friend's husband. That's right. They were in the same house. Oh my God, they were having a dinner party.

They were having a dinner party. The best friend's husband talking and I said, hey mum, I know something you don't know. Dad said, I'm not allowed to tell you. And then I ran away laughing. Meanwhile, dad is just like shouting himself behind me. It wasn't until six months later I realised what I'd seen and I told them. Oh my God. Also a little shit-eye.

Hey, mama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is why I hate kids. Yeah, yuck. Anyway, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Here's the rest of the little pod. Oh no, I think you just,

you go straight into the next thing. Oh, no, no, no, because you will do a show sponsor, surely. Yeah. No, the show sponsor's taken care of. It doesn't take care of itself. But you say welcome to a little bit of pod. I said that at the start.

Yeah, no, but then the warning goes before that. No, see, you've made it really messy there. It's scrappy, but I think it's okay. We'll survive. The ZM Podcast Network. Flesh, wood, and hayleys. Little bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards.

Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. And today's Little Bit of Pod extending our When You Caught a Parent Cheating. Yeah, so listen to the big pod, and there's a fun topic of when you caught your parents cheating, and then this is just the overflow. You two were like I could be

a professional fan I was like no way kids are always kids are quiet they move like a fucking mouse

through the house they're either stomping and screaming or they're like hi I'm here behind you hey dad what are you doing

Christ alive I was doing Carol from next door well that is the case in some of these situations yes do you have a sponsor credit Christ alive! I was taking a shit and it all just came out of me. I was doing Carol from Nextdoor. Well, that is the case in some of these situations. Yes. Do you have a sponsor credit? No.

Well, why the fuck were you looking at the piece of paper? Like you were absolutely waiting for me to take a breath. He's having a little read. You were waiting for me to take a breath. Like you had to pop a sponsor credit in there. No, there's no sponsor credit. You just get straight into it. I'm done with these pieces of paper.

My dad had an affair. The woman's husband phoned my mum to let her know. My dad and the woman he had the affair with ended up getting married, but my mum and the husband also got together for wife swap. Holy. Full swap there. That's hot. And how did they catch them?

Does it say how they caught them? They just caught them. They just caught them. They just caught them. I caught my dad kissing my stepsister. Oh. He was around 40. She was 18.

Fuck off. Sorry, that came out too. That's gross. They're married now. No. And have four kids. Yuck. Hayley, are you bringing your show to Tauranga?

I've now come just to chat to you about that. Conservative Tauranga. Wait, so the step... Okay, yeah, right. So that wasn't... There was no blood there. No blood. No, no, no, no, no blood.

No, it's still creepy as all hell. It just is. It's a weird power dynamic. Oh, that's... No blood. When I was 15, I found a dick pic on my dad's phone when we were in the car together. I reacted audibly. I'm imagining.

He grabbed the phone. Wait, was it his dick? It was his dick. Okay. I was hoping it was gay dick. I was hoping it was gay dick too. Not gay dick. He grabbed the phone, deleted the photo and begged me not to tell mom as she'd been having

dreams about him cheating on her. Well, it turns out Mum was having some sort of... Premonition. Premonition. Because he had been. Fast forward five years, it came out he was indeed cheating. The worst part of all of this is the image of my father's erect penis permanently imprinted on my brain.

Did they say if it was a good dick or not? No word on if their father's penis was a good dick. No one's seen their dad's erected! And then ever telling it. I'm surprised they told us that much. I didn't even think about the erections. I'm really surprised anyone would admit to that. I am too. That is traumatising.

I am too. My mum took me to a playdate when I was eight with my best friend, her, and my friend's dad left for ages while we were playing games. We started to wonder what they were up to. So we went into the bedroom to find them. Fucking!

Both my mum and my best friend's dad were married at the time. 15 years later, though, they are still together. And my old best friend is now my stepbrother. You've got to give it to him. Wow. Okay. Love's love, you know. I mean, crikeykey when you find your

it's just a shame that it had to happen you're starting with overlap yeah but it's dangerous to start with overlap i'm 16 just reading this ahead um oh no i was about 16 and my father was a minister now that is a church leader yeah him and the old lady were having a break i was a minister. Now, that is a church leader. Him and the old lady were having a break. I was a black sheep of the family, so I got home one night after clubbing and saw him and his mistress during the kumbaya. So I threw a big rock through their window and split them up like two stuck dogs. Oh, my God. He's banging the mistress, and they're like, fuck you, Dad. Smash through a window

What are you gonna do Tell me off Yeah I'm gonna fucking tell mum You're gonna be in big trouble Probably thought it was God So I stopped Oh yeah

I would have written on the rock I'm sorry Property of God I'm always watching I made this rock Hey it's me God Stop it When I was 12

Me and my mum went on holiday To see her friends My mum went out on the town While I stayed home With a babysitter I was sleeping in my own room But I missed mum So I her friends My mum went out on the town While I stayed home with a babysitter I was sleeping in my own room but I missed mum So I went into her room to sleep on the top bunk Oh no what is it

She got home from her night out with another man And didn't realise I was on the top bunk I've never told anybody mum and dad are still together 20 years later and I slept on the top bunk Because my mum fucked somebody. Okay. You need to respect the levels. You have not respected the levels. That story needed that sort of level abuse.

You're on. No. You're on the top. We're going to have to redo that for the people's ears. Oh, my God. I can't handle it. Oh, my fuck. Jerry can just pull it right down.

Jerry just says that Mike needs therapy. He's not wrong. It peaked. Holy shit. She lay quietly. Have you ever been on the top bungalow and someone's just sleeping on the bottom bungalow and it moves? Horrible.

Your mum is downstairs. Oh, my God. Fucking. And your parents are still together. Your parents are downstairs. My god. Fucking. And your parents are still together. We are the only people she's ever told. We are the only people she's ever told. That's incredible. I knew a friend of mine was

staying at one of those hostels. It might have been in Europe or somewhere. I've had hostel bunks. And the guy on the bottom had a wank. Yeah, okay. He had a wank Yeah okay he had a wank It's not his mum Someone who died Oh my god

No that's juicy That's juicy That's juicy My sister found naked photos of our mum on her partner's phone What Wait hang on say again My sister found naked photos Of our mum on her partner's phone. What? Wait, hang on. Say again. My sister found naked photos of our mum

on her partner's phone. So it'd be like you finding photos of Patsy naked on her parents' phone. Thank you. Our mum had been having an affair

with our sister's partner for a while. Our parents are still together. What? So dad's forgiven and forgotten. Or dad doesn't know. Or dad doesn't know.

Oh my God. This is fucked up. Or dad doesn't know. Oh, my God. This is fucked up. These are cooked. Have you checked Aaron's phone to see if there's... Naked Patsy. Oh, God, no. They're too similar. Ask my mum why my dad always got into bed with my best friend's mum when he dropped me off.

Innocently as a child. What? Oh Oh my God. Innocently as a child. What? Oh my God. Hey mum, why does dad always get into bed with Sarah's mum when he dropped me off? And then afterwards they have a shower. We have a shower and then she kisses him. She wipes, he washes the smell of her off his rank dick. I caught my mum having an affair With my teacher

Oh that's cool I will say At this stage Of all the messages And calls It's 50-50 Men and women Yeah it is

Oh absolutely For sure Absolutely I told my dad When I was four That I saw mum Kissing Morris Morris was the manager

At McDonald's Show sponsor Treat yourself To a McCafe coffee With Macca's rewards And see if you can Get yourself a Morris while you're down there A Morris will give you a couple extra points Morris is the man in charge of McDonald's

And he had us a moustache So dad went to the local McDonald's And saw Morris on his name badge Moustache Did he start the day with a delicious McCafe coffee? I hope so When you're there anyway Did he get a delicious baristamate cup of coffee?

Morris would try to smear that over with one, surely. Answered a phone one night. It was my father's mistress revealing all mum and dad were upstairs watching TV. They were asking me what was going on because I started screaming, you motherfucker. I was 14 or 15 at the time and he'd been making business trips overseas for a good year. It was very traumatic actually.

He found lots of photographic evidence and sent it to all his clients. Oh, what? You've done there and you've taken your father's life and you've... Ruined it. Covered it in gasoline and...

Take a piss on that gasoline and thrown a cigarette into it. Oh, wow. My mum's cheated on my stepdad a couple of times with our cousin's partner. What? At the time,

I'm pretty sure they weren't together. I can't be sure. I don't know how my stepdad doesn't know. My brothers look like my cousins, and my nephews look like my cousin's kid. Oh, there's too many bridges here. Over the year, my mum has been a right sneaky tart. Do you know what I'd do for Christmas,

and this would be shits and gigs, I'd buy everyone an Ancestry.com. Oh, my God. Wouldn't it be fun to discover new things about our family? Let's all spit in this tube. I actually have put in the address already, so all the results are going to get sent to me. Yeah, great.

And then I'll share them on the family chat. On Valentine's Day. I love that. Family messages on my dad's phone. While we were on a ski holiday in Japan, I was 15 and confronted by, confronted my dad about it, going absolutely crazy.

Dad was in shock of being found out, put it back on me and said, do you want to ruin our holiday? Long story short, yes, I did want to ruin the holiday, you motherfucker. I set the bomb off and shit hit the fan. My parents went through a lot of therapy and are still together.

Won't talk about it because I think I'll just cry. Oh, that's it. Discovered my mum was cheating with one of my dad's closest friends. Mum had a secret phone she had hidden and I regretfully went through the phone. I saw photos of her and the guy. Not R18, thankfully, but at the time I was 13. Really didn't know what to do. About a year later, it all came out.

My mum and the guy are now married. It was an awful situation for us to be in. Not only my dad, it all came out. My mum and the guy are now married. It was an awful situation for us to be in. Not only my dad, but all of us kids. I'm the eldest of six kids. Six kids involved. And that's a thing at that age. Mum had a burner under the mattress.

Mum had a burner. Wild. We're all just human. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, you know? When I was 15, I don't even know where to stop. There was so many. When I was 15, I caught my stepdad sending messages of, I miss you to his business partner, who was male. Took me three days to tell my mum.

Finally, we've got some homosexuals. Finally some homosexuals. Oh, wait. Took me three days to tell my mum. She checked the number and said, that's not his business partner. As his number was only one different from my stepdad's. Mum and I then played investigator for a while, and they split up long after that.

He had just changed to the woman he was having an affair with. Oh, so it's not a game. There's no deck. Where's the gaze? Well, we're just going to take a tiny break here. This is where an ad insertion will happen. I mean, where the fuck are you going? This is the juiciest.

This is juiciest. This is the juiciest. You've heard in a while. We'll be right back. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Ailey. Play ZM. We'll be right back Well let's get to more of these messages Because I tell you what Juicy My mum had an affair with my best friend's dad Right after her mum died

My dad was heartbroken That's just sad That's just sad Oh my god There might be a first part Years ago I discovered emails between my mum and another man My now stepdad That's just sad. That's just sad. That's just sad. Yeah. Oh, my God. Hold on, wait. There might be a first part. Yes, years ago, I discovered emails between my mum and another man, my now stepdad, around the same time my parents were talking about separating.

My mum was insistent to my dad that she wasn't cheating on him, but I knew. I never told my dad about the emails as it would have broken him even more. Worse was he was actually the milkman. So my mum ran away with the milkman. Oh, I love that. So whenever anyone makes a joke about cheating on someone with the milkman, I'm like, yeah, it's a little too close to home. But in this cost of living crisis, free milk. Milk's expensive.

Milk's expensive. She's actually done well there marrying the milkman. I want to sleep with a butcher. Better to get meat than milk. Oh, yeah, especially at the moment. Cut some meat, it costs you a fortune. I want to sleep with someone that makes gold bars. Yeah, I want to sleep with a banker.

Unless you're sleeping with a gold miner. Yeah, I want to sleep with a gold miner. Yeah, but then you'd technically be a gold digger, but then so were they. Yeah. Good call. When I was about 14, my best friend had a feeling her mum was cheating on her dad, so we waited in the backseat of their car in the driveway all night, and her mum pulled up in a taxi with a guy.

They crossed the road and went down an alleyway and we snuck over and watched them. And it was her dad's best friend. The poor girl was devastated and I was too young to understand the gravity of the situation. But now I'm older, I remember and think, that's a fucking lot for a kid to deal with. I mean, that seems to be a running theme.

We've had our jokes. We've had our laughs. We've had our gasps. We've had our laughs. We've had our gasps. We've had our shocks. We've had our screams. Children are like almost a victim of this as well when they discover it. Especially when they try to figure out what it is.

Like, what's happening? Who's that? Yeah, what's happening here? What's going on here? And how much is this going to hurt someone? I was in another town looking after my mother because she had surgery and younger kids. And my children were staying home with their father whom my oldest called him having phone sex telling the other lady he never really loved me

that's gonna hurt oh ouch uh years ago i discovered emails between oh no that was the milkman story because that was a two-parter uh when my sister was eight she found my dad in the kitchen dancing and kissing another lady who was our neighbor dad had played it off like this is just what people do in the kitchen. Our parents were divorced a year later. When I was 12, I found a Christmas card in my dad's bedside drawer. Inside was a message written from his co-worker calling him baby and saying, I love you. And I went and took it to mom and that was the first she'd seen of it. They didn't break up, but still my relationship with my father has never been repaired.

Oh, wow. That's a true sad story. I love you, baby. I love you, baby. Merry Christmas. I love you, baby. Heck, works great when you're there. My kids caught their father not once, but twice.

Oh, no. Oh, gosh. My partner, ex now, at the time time His mum was having an affair I remember coming home And he yelled at me Don't come upstairs As he was confronting His mum about it

Yeah I'm not my parent When my son was Six months old I found out his father Cheated on me When I was eight months pregnant His best friend came forward

And told me That he found out That he cheated With his best friend's sister What a wicked web Too many links You weave That needs a diagram So crazy I just couldn't be Fucked with his best friend's sister. What a wicked web you weave.

That needs a diagram. So crazy, isn't it? I just couldn't be fucked in managing something like this. I think when the time comes, and the time will come, that I want to have another sexual intercourse with another human being. Another sexual intercourse, yeah.

I'm just going to say it. I want to have sex with that thing. And then Aaron will be like sweet monogamish take it off my plate monogamish now can I keep reading

this Ken Fuller book or do I have to wait for your fornicating to finish one chapter he reads to you sits in the corner and reads to you while you make love

oh yeah slow down and he's like sorry I'm running too fast and you're like no no you then bloody cuck

he doesn't know my speed he doesn't know my my old man used to I've got a couple more my old man used to park his ute in the shed and take my car so he could go and have some fun. Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Where'd it go?

It's bounced down. Oh, no. He used to park his ute in the shed and take my car so he could have some fun with another lady without his ute being seen. Oh, yeah. Wasn't cheating on my mum at this stage, but he was cheating on the lady that he'd cheated on mum with. Oh, you got yourself a cheater there. Yeah. I was sick in hospital.

My mother went to my house to get me some stuff to bring me, and my now ex-husband was in bed with my best friend. Wait, so the mum caught the daughter's husband cheating? No. Oh, my God. I think my mum would set Aaron on fire. Yeah. It would be a hell of a thing to... This is great.

I caught my mum having an affair with a friend And then basically got paid every day to keep it quiet Yes I'd do that My mum and him were both putting in finances to keep me shut I want that You can't have it Really can't I?

Yeah well I think I might have to go see dad I think I will mum You're having all the cock you could possibly want Yeah I mean I'll end it there I'm happy with that That was wild. That was really fun.

That was a wild little pod. Oh. I just heard your tummy go. Yeah, that was my tum-tums. That was my tum-tum-tums. Hey, guys, I reckon that was the most fun I've ever had on a show. Not for me, Vaughan. Okay.

Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. You haven't been here long, have you? No, I haven't. No. Well, if you were listening and you had fun, why don't you give us a little review and a rating?

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.