ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 10th September 2023

Episode Date: September 9, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Producer Carwen owns a Monkey, and Producer Shannon can't be trusted with Wishes...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with MyMackersRewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. We're all, the three of us, shocked to learn that producer Carl Wayne owns a, I believe, an orangutan. It's crazy, man. I know that your house isn't big enough for that shit. That is animal cruelty. It's a vegetarian, actually. This know that your house Isn't big enough for that shit That is animal cruelty It's a vegetarian actually

This is poor behaviour Disgusting And I'm worried This thing's going to Rip her arms off Because those things Are superhuman strength Yeah

Oh so violent Well thank you for All the concern and the worry No I do not own it I am adoptive Parent of one That is In their natural habitat

Where they should be Are you the only one or is this sort of like a multi-human orangutan? They double up. I think this is a multi-human situation. They go to a warehouse stationery and print off 400 photos of this orangutan and then send them to the 400 people

and each of them think it's theirs? Yeah, probably. So you're all owning the same star, aren't we? Yeah. It's kind of like a time the same star, aren't we? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a timeshare in Tupo. Yeah. You're collectively own it. Yeah. But you can only have your star for one week in August when no one's on holiday.

No. Yeah, on a Tuesday and Wednesday. Yeah. And the best thing is her name is actually Carmen. Carmen. Carmen owns Carmen. Yeah. You're right, you're Tang.

Now, what country is this in? Well, she doesn't even know where it lives? She doesn't even know where it lives. You don't even know where it lives. I would hazard a guess, Indonesia. Yeah, sure. Do you still own a small boy in Africa somewhere? We owned a small boy in Africa. What's his name?

I had Timbuktu. That was a lease. I had a short-term lease. But he was. He lived in Mali, the country of Mali, and his closest major settlement was Timbuktu. Yeah, Timbuktu. How wild is that?

Wild. So did the photos dry up, or did you dry up the payments? No, he came of age. They turned 18. Oh, and they cut them loose. Yeah, they just sent them off. Really? Did they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had one growing up, and there was always pictures of him on the fridge, and we wrote him letters and stuff, and then at 18 he just grew up and was fine. I sent my dude balloons. Didn't even think about it. I may have introduced a...

Nos. No, no, not nags. Did you put nags in there? That would have been nice. That's why he's sitting in balloons otherwise. I put a few nags. No, no, I sent him balloons. But then I thought I've just introduced latex to an environment.

You know, that might never break down. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You're killing the planet. But what did you think that when they turn 18, what, you know, that might never break down. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, you're killing the planet. But what did you think that when they turn 18, what, you just keep giving them money?

Like you give a 40-year-old in Africa a couple of dollars a day? I don't know. It's sad. You never get to hear from them again. Yeah.

Yeah, because you didn't hear from your, did he end up going to uni? I don't know. You don't know. I just set him free. I was happy for him

to go out and live his own life. I hope I continue to hear from him. Oh, Carwen, I'm so sorry, but that looks like a stock image from Getty. No, no, no, no, no. It literally says Getty all across it. No, no, no.

It's the Orangutan Foundation International in Australia. Wait, they don't have orangutans? No, no, no, but they help the orangutans that are in Indonesia. When Australia had those really bad wildfires, I bought a koala, and I've never heard from the guy. Literally never. Oh, no, Carmen exists. So this was my Christmas present last year from my mum.

She adopted one called Carmen for me and one called Ryan for my boyfriend, Ryan. That's really cute. Are they ongoing payments or was this just a one-off? I'm actually unsure. So you don't even pay for it. You don't know where it lives. You just financially crippled your mother in a cost of living crisis. Wow.

She chose to do this. She did. She did. She did. Yeah. So this was, we were talking about orangutans, and that is when Shannon at the social media desk said she hates monkeys. I have never hated something more than a monkey's face,

and I hate their hands. We are monkeys. They're our hands. No, that's why I hate them. I don't like how they are like me, and I feel threatened by them. And then she said. No, We are monkeys. They're our hands. No, that's why I hate them. I don't like how they are like me and I feel threatened by them. And then she said, No, they are us.

Their hands are freaky. If I had a genie wish, I would wish that monkeys didn't exist. And I was like, no, no, no, no. You just killed the, no, no, no, no.

We're fucked. We're gone. Because we're, do you know how genies are always looking for a loophole? You've got to be so specific with genies. You've got to be looking for a loophole? You've got to be so specific with genies. You've got to be so careful with genies. You've got to be so careful with genies.

So specific. Can I try again then? Okay, go. Okay. Hi, Mr. Genie. No, he doesn't need that. He's just like, I'm the genie of the lamp. I am this gob in this lamp.

I wish to get rid of primate animals in a zoo. No! No! I am finished. I'm finished. I'm finished. Primate animals in a zoo that have thumbs

that aren't the zookeepers and all the ones like that kind in a forest. No, because now every person in the zoo

is gone because we're all primates. That's sometimes just life. I don't know. Just get rid of the monkeys. It started with a conversation about owning an orangutan.

It moved on to the fact, never leave Shannon in charge of the genie wishes. If a genie falls into our lap, not her. For a start, she's getting rid of monkeys. Monkeys fucking rule. If you see Planet of the Apes, they're our natural successors. What about on Friends when Ross had a monkey? Hate it. Capucha.

When we play that Jack you know, Jackbox? Yeah. There's a game that we love but the host of it is called Professor Anna's and I just leave the room. I can't do it. I hate it. You've actually got

a monkey phobia. No, I'm not scared of them. I just fucking hate them. Okay, can we pretend for a second because Shannon's definitely not getting her hands

on this genie lamp. Okay, it's the three of us. Yeah. Each got to have one of the three wishes. Where are we going? Obviously, you can't wish for more wishes situation.

But it's all in the wording of how you ask for the money. Yeah, you've got to be very specific. I want to be a billionaire and you get turned into Bill Gates. You know, like that sort of thing. You're trapped. And you're trapped. And genies are motherfuckers. It, you know, like that sort of thing. You're trapped. You're trapped. And you're trapped. Yeah.

And Jeannie's a motherfucker. You've got to, it's got to be like an A4, like 500 word wish. You've got to get a lawyer. Terms and conditions. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, you've got to get. I wish I can eat whatever I want and drink whatever I want and it will have no negative impact on my body ever.

Oh my God. I've lost my IBS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've lost my bad skin, my breakouts when I drink too much. Like what's happening right now. No negative effect on your body ever. That was pretty good. I worded it quite well. That was pretty good.

It wasn't too bad. But I reckon if you were a genie would find a way through. If you're listening to this and you consider yourself a genie in the making, on the FEH International Podcast family, which is a group on Facebook, I encourage you all to join, point out where Hayley could go wrong there and how that wish that she thinks is well-worded could end up having negative consequence. I await the critique.