ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod -11th July, 2025

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Fletch's toilet incident!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM podcast network, it's Fletch, Fawn and Haley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to a little bit of pod and the big pod and the live show is back on the 21st of July. Now you actually do a bit in your spoiler alert a bit in your new show about when you do your lab tests and there's the little hole in the wall. Oh my god, when you get like the cupboard that's one end in the toilet and one end in the nurse's office and you put in your piss tray. You put in your own sample and your swabs, you put them in there and then shut the door but then behind that's where they take them from.

The one at my local testing place is just in a wall outside the toilet. Yes, yeah right. Yeah. So I went the other day before we went away just to do my regular test. You know, it's good to do your regular test. I did my regular test last week as well. Yeah, right. Yeah, all clear.

All clear. Same. Same. Same. I failed. What did you have? Did you have the gay flu? No, German.

I just didn't speak it very well. The German flu. I'm on a test for the German flu. I'm in doing a test for German. Oh, do you mean the German language? Yeah. Oh, no, we're doing actual tests. I don't test for the German flu. I don't, I meant doing a test for German. Oh, do you mean the German language? Yeah. Oh no, we're doing actual like fluid and body tests. Fluid and body tests?

Yeah. So yours are all clear-fledged. We should hook up. So am I. Sweet, this is sweet. Oh my God, this is meant to be. Easy. Yuck, I can imagine.

Is that all it takes in this modern day? No offense, but yuck. Okay. All right. You wish. Do you know what you wish? Oh wait, you fucking wish. You fucking wish. You fucking want all of this, you fucking wish.

So anyway, so I don't know. Guys, relax and just fuck already. The tension. Yuck, again, no offense. But so, for those that don't know, so you go in the, my local place is like, oh, there's like 10 rooms where they can draw your blood and Give you the swabs and everything and then to to go they're not putting anything back into the blood are they like microchips? Oh, no, no, that's done in a Microsoft lab

I believe by Bill Gates few so that they've got all these rooms where they take your blood But then they've got one toilet. Yeah, where you can go in and do your piss. And do your piss and your swabs. One toilet. Yeah. And there's always a line. Like it's always busy and I'm just like, who thought, and this place is newly renovated and I was like in this line for 10 minutes, I was like, I'm gonna write an email saying,

who thought that one toilet per was a good idea? Was enough. Just an idea. I know. I'm just spitballing here. Right. Same at my local place. Yeah. One toilet. They don't think.

We're all in there swabbing. You know what, there's a staff toilet with a lock on it. And it's an extra toilet they could be using. Open that up. I'm just saying we could open that one up. How many staff have they got rocking around? But they don't want people, people off the street swabbing their butt holes in their personal.

And I get that, but then make four toilets and one a staff toilet. I know. I'm just saying four toilets and one a staff toilet. I know. I'm just saying, it would make things a lot easier. Yeah. So I'm waiting there and there's a guy in front of me, cause there's quite a few people waiting to do, you know, all the swabs.

And there's a guy that comes up and he's like, oh my God, I'm not testing. I'm just waiting for my girlfriend. Can I just quickly get in and use the toilet? Oh, okay, like I'm busting away. And I'm like, okay, you know what, like dude, okay, go for it because you're gonna be real quick. And, you know, he's not doing the swabs and stuff. And so he goes in, shuts the toilet door.

Takes a huge shit. And takes a huge fucking shit. It's asshole! And I'm like, unacceptable! You don't shit in that toilet! That's not a toilet for shitting! That's for swabbing and for shitting that's for swabbing and pissing it's for swabbing and pissing it's for swabbing and pissing and shitting you know shit in the swab toilet

your poop out of who's gonna infect my delightfully clean piss now I will give him that he didn't take too long in there but it was long enough that I knew that it was he was taking a shit so when I walked in but you could have been a shit aroma there was that I knew that he was taking a shit. So when I walked in, there was a- But you could have been a shit aroma!

There was a shit aroma that he had gladed. There was a glade spray. Yeah, but that almost makes it worse! But the look, I tried to give him a look when he came out and he avoided looking at me because he knew what he'd done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd skipped the line. He'd skipped the line to shit in the-

Unbelievable! Unbelievable. And then Simon there just like, oh for fuck's sake, swap, swap, swap, pass, pass, pass. Sorry. Open the little door, hi. Yeah, no. Pop the little test in there and away you go.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Terrible. You try to be a nice guy. You do. Go out on the street and find a local bloody cafe.

That's what I was like, go downstairs to the cafe or over to the public toilets. Like... For's what I was like, go downstairs to the cafe or over to the public toilets. For God's sake. Gee, you try to be a nice guy. You try to be a nice guy and you get a nostrils full of shit. You know what, next time I'm not gonna be a nice guy. No, just say sorry, no, I'm in a rush.

I'm in a rush, yeah. Nice guys finish last. Yeah, exactly. And nice guys have to deal with somebody else's shit particles in their urine sample. Put that on a T-shirt. Get it done. Nice guys smell shit.

Yeah, nice guys smell glade and shit. Get a nose full of shit.