ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 12th October 2023

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Hayley had a dream!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchbourne and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with MyMackers Rewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Guys, I had one of those nights where I had a dream that felt like it lasted the full six hours I was asleep. Oh my god, yeah. You know, it was like you close your eyes and you just entered into a world

and all these different paths kind of spread off. At one point I was at our, mine and Vaughn's friends, and soon to be yours, I think. The more we bring them into the crew. Well, yeah, I met them for the first time with the Friend Bridge. Yeah, the Friend Bridges. Which was so successful. Jake and Casey.

And I had a dream that I went into there, because they live in a tiny home, that I went into their tiny home, and I borrowed a jacket from Casey, and I put it on, and I looked, and there were massive bedbugs all through it. Because you know how bedb are like now in the UK and they're all through Paris? Yes. And I was

like, oh no! And I like went like this and then I went out the house and I was like, shit, they're going to crawl all over me and I'm going to get them all through New Zealand. So I went back inside and got the bloody more smart, more safe mortine and sprayed the inside of the coat and then like wrapped it up and sort of fumigated them. And I came out and Aaron was like, why are you doing

that? And I was like, I've got bed bugs. Because I was reading the other day, sorry to... No, please, please, please. The dream continues. To, what do you, what's the word? Offshoot your dream. Oh. No.

Tangent. Tangent from your dream. You're going to deviate? You're going to deviate. Deviate. Like a septum. That was, yes. Deviate from your dream.

But apparently they're having real trouble killing the bed bugs. Yeah. Because the stuff that they're using, they're resistant to. Yeah, and they're also, like, on trains. Have they tried Roundup? I don't know if they've tried Roundup. Because I round up the ants in the outside shed. I just go, this is a roundup, and I'm just like, fuck you, get out of here.

And the ants are just like, immediately like, really? But is this like the world, because it's so so hot now and it's only going to get hotter that we're just going to have to deal with shit like this? Bugs and shit. Yeah. Oh, fucking calm down, you greenie. Our bloody bedbugs are in a round since the Ice Age. Bedbugs?

Bedbugs, bugs, bugs, bugs and boogles. Better ever, bloody ever. Fucking bedbugs. I remember there was a summer in 1970 where there was bed bugs. No one even knew what bloody climate change was then. You weren't even born in 1970. That's just what they say. You think this is hot?

I remember in the 70s that was hot. Well, it actually wasn't, Grandad. It wasn't because it was hot in my dream. I don't know why, but that was part of the dream. And then the dream continued, went on a little bit. And then at some point, Fletch, you were there. And the weirdest thing happened. I was with a group of friends, and they were trying to encourage me.

As a friend recently did. Did we fuck? We didn't fuck. Okay. But I did try to show you my vagina. What? Because of the bed bugs. I've got my mound.

So, no, the bed bugs were separate. But in the whole dream, I had this lingering thing in the back of my head, like, fuck, I've bought bedbugs into New Zealand. Oh my God. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And then at some point, Fletch, you were there, Vaughn, you were there. And all my friends are trying to encourage me to get low rise jeans because you know that they're fashionable and I'm a high waist because I like to tuck, not flop. Yeah.

Right. And so I, someone was like, get low rise jeans. And I got these low rise jeans and I was like, oh my God. And suddenly I was like really skinny and I had like these bones, like these like bones sticking out. I was like, I don't know jeans. And I got these low-rise jeans. And I was like, oh, my God. And suddenly I was like really skinny. And I had like these bones sticking out. I was like, I don't know. They don't look that good. Everyone was like, no, they look great.

I was like, okay. And I had my whole midriff. It was the bed bugs. They all attached and started just feeding me on my love handles. And they were gone. And then I was like walking around. And we were all hanging out with like a group of our mutual friends. And then I felt a breeze. And I looked down down and the waistline of the jeans was so low half my

mound was sticking out the top like like there was no genitalia but it was like the full mound and i was like oh my god it's so rude and someone i can't remember who it was was like don't worry you've lasered off all your pubes you can't't. It's like basically just skin anyway. And I was like, oh, no, I don't know. And then I looked down. I was like, fuck, I've got all my pubes are back. And I was like, oh, my God. That'll be the bed bugs. That'll be the bed bugs.

I could see them. And then I went up to Fletch and I was like, Fletch, you're not going to like this, but you've got to do me a favor. And you were like, yeah, of course, what? And I was like, can you look at my vagina and tell me if my pubes are hanging out? And Fletch started running away from me and was like, no, no, I don't want to see it. That's what would happen in real life too. I was like, just look at it.

Be a friend and tell me whether or not they're hanging out. And the feeling was so exposed. It's like the top of my fluffy mound was hanging out these low rise jeans. Which out of all of our mutual friends would look at it? And that's either gay or a straight man. Because Morgan would. I was like, Morgan would. James.

Sean. No, James is never, ever. He Morgan would. I was like, Morgan would. James. Sean. No, James is never, ever. He's a gold star. Yeah, I know. He's a gold star gay. Vaughn. Yeah? You'd look at my mound and tell me if my fluffy pews

were hanging out the top of my jeans, wouldn't you? Well, I'd just be able to quickly glance and be like, I can use these pubes. Even if you were wearing jeans and you weren't saying, hey, can you check out if my pubes are showing? If I saw pubes, I'd say, I can see your pubes. Yeah. So what, do you wake up in a hot suite and you're like,

oh, thank God there are no bedbugs and my pubes are gone. Well, I woke up kind of early, like two o'clock, and I was like, oh, God. And then I went, Aaron was awake and I was like, what are you doing? He's like, can't sleep. And I was like, oh, God. And then I went, Aaron was awake, and I was like, what are you doing? He's like, can't sleep. And I was like, oh, God, neither. And then I went back to sleep and, like, jumped back in.

It was an epic. Those are the worst. It was an epic night. And you wake up kind of exhausted because you haven't rested because it's been one continual story arc. I did wake up embarrassed just the idea that I was out with these jeans. I was so low. So to recount, bed bugs up top,

recap. Bed bugs up top, mound, huge hairy man popping out. I'd say it was huge. Low rise. She did not say it was huge.

I just said like half the mound. No, I wasn't calling the mound huge. I was calling the pubic hairs huge. No,

they weren't. It was fluffy. It was like all my pubes had come back but they were new pubes it wasn't a bush like eyelashes as pubes

yeah because you know with the laser hair removal you've got to touch up yeah you do every now and again do you know what it is I think I'm due a touch up

and so I was like and that subconsciously entered your dream plus my friend Shari was trying to tell me that high waisted jeans are out of fashion plus there's been bed bugs

around the world and it's all come together to create the wildest dream in which Fletch wouldn't stare at my mound. You're not a true friend. So rude. I like how I'm in trouble now from something that didn't even happen.

Well, Vaughn's admitted. He would tell me straight out the gate. Welcome to having any form of relationship with a woman. Yes. They're angry at you in your dreams. So the real emotion leaves the fake scenario to join the real world. Just put it this way. If your pubes were hanging out at the top of your jeans, I'd tell you.

No, but it's the look I'm going for. Yeah, it goes with the beard. It's matching the beard. Right. It's in lieu of a belt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To break up the line between the T-shirt and the jean. Pube pops.

Little pop, pop, pop, pop it out.