ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod -13th July, 2025

Episode Date: July 12, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; we really hope your bosses aren't listening to this episode...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM podcast network, it's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod, our big pod and the live shows back on the 21st of July after a midwinter break. And we asked you just between us and the pod. What's the naughtiest thing you've done in the workplace? Ooh. That's what we asked. I don't know what the naughtiest thing I've done. Oh, I do. Oh.

Go on. We stole cupcakes. Oh. That's what we asked. I don't know what the naughtiest thing I've done here. Oh, I do. Oh. Go on. We stole cupcakes. Oh. That's nothing. That's what I mean. I've only been nothing but respectful in here. I literally, born the other day, stole another ream of A4 paper. I didn't. I'm going to. I didn't. I will. I didn't. But I'm about to.

Do you have a Fuji Xerox at home or something? Like, what are you printing? At home. I've got children. They're just constantly printing shit. Well, go and buy your own paper. I don't know where to get it from. Don't tell me! What's the worst, the most annoying thing you've done in the workplace?

My husband and I boned in the shower at his work. Ha ha ha. Boned? Boned. Well, just bring back boned. Yeah. Do you want to be boned? I'm a big fan in 2025 of railed.

Yeah, right. You know, railing? Railing's been around for ages. No, I know, I know it is. I know it has. Rooted. Rooted, nah't root it. No, it'll come back around. Root is different. Unless you root tootin. Yeah, if you're having a root tootin good time. You don't want to be tootin while you're rooting though. Oh, I have though. A little one. Once I farted. Well, that person who boned in the shower, stripped and ran down the middle aisle at might of 10 after hours of course. After hours? Yeah, the middle aisle.

Being naked in that big shed would be fun. Imagine being naked and being hunted. You can't tell me those security cameras aren't working all the time. You'd think so. You'd think so. Good enough. Stole money. Okay, that's naughty.

That's so naughty. That's a show regular who messaged that in too. Shut up. It would be hard though with all that money. Like petty cash lying around. I could just have 10 of this. See if you work for a huge corporation, you would get that thing in your head

when you're like, I could just fucking take this. They're not even gonna notice. They're not gonna feel it. Apart from all the cameras that point down at the cash register. But do you know what I mean? Like if I went to the supermarket, I'd just do my grocery shop.

Bit by bit. I think again, they would notice that too. Like they're not even noticing. Got bent over in the showers by a co-worker, returned to our desk 10 minutes later, and no one was any the wiser. What? Bent over in the shower? The showers were normal because they would have been running in the... Like...

Haley and I went down the other day before the gym to change in the... Like they've got downstairs showers for the cyclists that would need to get into business suits. And that would be the perfect place. Yeah, I thought of many a time. The weird thing about those showers down there is there's one toilet and eight showers. Yeah. One bulk. There should be five toilets and less showers.

But they're changing rooms, you know? There's no toilets and changing rooms. That's when people take dumps in the shower when you don't provide them enough facilities. Had an affair with the direct report and then use the staff Christmas costumes to clean it all up. Oh my god that is, you cannot clean up a jizzy mess with an elf costume. Please be respectful to the spirit of Christmas. Because it would be cheap if it's from Look Sharp. I've never tried to wipe up jizz with the Look Sharp material. A polyester would just smear it around. It's not absorbent. No, not a polyester elf outfit. For God's sake. Yeah, so that's just a little bit of a warning from us. Yeah. Hmm. The next one's just a fist emoji and then an eggplant emoji. Wow. Handjob. Hand job? Yeah, that's a hand job.

We're fisting an eggplant. Before, there was a market and they bought some eggplants. And then they, like that could actually be, they could have been on work time. And they, there was a fruit and veg market. And then when they should have been working,

Fletch, look me in the eye and tell me you believe this. I don't believe that. Somebody said, we rent plants for the office from a company and one night after hours I snipped off heaps of cuttings to propagate my own plants. Yeah man. Without coming in to do that anyway. The people that come into our plants in our building,

they've got a trolley and it's got like an air compressor that they blow the dust off. They wipe all the leaves. Like they're prime specimens. Yeah, get a cutting. The plants. They really are. Someone said, I fucked the boss's wife.

Now that's quite different to propagating your own plants. Well, we're just both sides, you're being to the spectrum now. Taking little steps from both, you know. I fucked the boss's wife. I fucked the boss's wife, the boss's wife, the boss's wife. I fucked the boss's wife. The boss's wife and the poos.

On the company dime. Anonymous, my sister had sex underground while working in a gold mine. Oh my god. Okay, so the Mile High Club is doing it in the hot duty FIFO minor. Yes. But underground.

Underground. What do you call that? Mole in a hole. Yeah, stick your mole in a hole. Yeah. Stick your mole in a hole. I just stuck a bloody mole in a hole. Mile High Club had a mole in a hole if you do it underground. Oh yeah, like, yeah, mole in a hole. Yeah. Stick your mole in a hole. It's so high-class to have a mole in a hole if you do it underground. Oh yeah, like, yeah, mile under club maybe. Yeah.

I've got a new fucking bucket list item. Fucking underground. Fucking underground. Yuck. As God intended. We had just cavemen developed. Hoo, hoo! Oh, cute, turned up stoned back in the 80s.

Oh! Did you guys ever go turned up stoned back in the 80s. Aww. Did you guys ever go to school stoned? No. I did once and it was awful. I never even tried marijuana at all in my life the whole time. Oh right, the whole time. I need to go to the toilet, hurry up. Do you need a wheeze?

Look he's standing up, I thought he was just going to answer. I've had a hearty. I'm just going to go, just go and do it. No, let's just keep going and make him piss himself. What the fuck is this? Look at this guy fucking off. I pissed myself. Where are you going? I'm going to piss myself. Can't you... No, let's just keep going and make a piss of myself. Look at this guy fucking off.

Where are you going? Can you imagine if I was doing this? I mean, if we did this... Fucking double standard Fletch. Look, I'm leaving the studio. I've had a hand solo on every workplace I've been in. No, we'll keep going. We're gonna keep going and the podcast is only gonna get better. We'll keep going.

I've had a hand solo on every workplace I've been in. That's somebody's masturbating at work. I've never masturbated at work. I don't know how to work. Now Now should we talk about Fletch a little bit? He masturbates at work. He absolutely Jacks off. Furious beater. Girls, can you believe the girls are coming in? I know for a fact he has fucked in the company car Has he? Years ago, not this company. Oh my god, girlies welcome. Hello. What's the naughtiest thing you've done at work? Oh no, I'm not coming in for that shit. What is it, what is it about Fletch? Just coming in to judge everybody else.

No, I just wanted to shit on Fletch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're at work, you can't shit on Fletch at work. Should we do something to his stuff? Yeah. You know what I mean, like, that could be the naughtiest thing. His jumper's on the ground, I'm gonna piss on it.

Should we hide his apple knife? I've got it. I'm gonna piss. Guys, we're in a real long chaos. This is what happens, this is why radio shows never have more than one female! Get us out of here! You get together and you go fucking crazy! Blunt it! Blunt us out of here!

What do I blunt it on? No, don't do that! No, I think she's gonna stab me! This is what happens when you're out of fucking control! Okay, bye! Have fun! Bye! Bye!

I took a saucy photo to send to somebody while I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. I've taken a slightly sexy photo at work, in the lift. When I came out, I was wearing a little miniskirt and they lifted them up. Oh, Hayley Jay! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If I didn't have to drive to work, I think I could go an Irish coffee. Yeah, me too. On a Friday morning. But we're already so tired, so by the end of the shift, you'd be like, fuck. Yeah, yeah, that's not a great way. Yeah.

Unless you had a nap planned. But we like to make the most of our days. We do. Cafe Dan, we like to seize that day. Yeah. Anonymous, a former airport worker got a blowjob in an airport bathroom once. God! Oh my fucking God.

And finally, we'll finish on this first instance. Had some nose bears off the coffee machine. Oh! Was that at a party or just like during the day? No! Like why does the coffee machine always sit up on the bench? So I'm imagining a cafe. Are you up on... oh yeah, okay so there was no cafe. I'm imagining a cafe, like a restaurant or a cafe that's got like a proper coffee machine. And they're hooning some nose bears.

Hooning some nose pepsis. For god's sake! That's out of control. Oh, you don't do that at work. No, no, no, no, no, you don't do that at all. Never, I've never seen this stuff. Don't do that, that stuff's no good. It's a slippery slope. It is.

Nosebears one minute, and then you'll be shelving it because your septum's gone. Yeah, your septum's blown apart, you've just got a hollow nostril. God, is he taking a shit, do you reckon? That's a shit. I think because we were talking about shitting earlier. It got him going.

It's got him going. He's never taken this long to go wheeze in his entire life. In fact, no one shits cooker than him. Do you know what I've been noticing about Fletch recently? Go on. He has been admitting his love for us. I know, I know. Why is he, do you think he's dying?

Oh fuck. What if he's dying? Because he is also the sort of guy that wouldn't tell you if he was dying. He's dealing with some kind of bathroom issue because of his illness. He would never tell you if he was dying. He's dealing with some kind of bathroom issue because of his illness. He would never tell you if he was dying. You're like, I don't fuck it, who cares?

It would be like, ah, yeah, Fletch died. And we'd be like, what? Yeah, he's been battling it for years. Yeah, quietly battling. Far out. I don't know what happens because maybe the hospital just calls and I want you to let you know that Carl Fletch has passed passed away and I'll be like, sorry What's happening? I'll be dumb. Oh, there's some like radio prank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm being stitched up Do you think he's I know his wish was that no one was to know but he's just like he's off on this trip at

The moment like living up large. Yeah, cuz he could die any moment cuz he knows. Yeah, I do. Oh my god I hear you Dying you need to tell us. We love you so much. We do love you. Why am I dying? Well, we just know, we just have come to the conclusion that you'd be the kind of guy,

if you had terminal illness, you wouldn't tell anybody. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. And then I get a call from some fucking doctor this late, I just wanted you to know, you were his emergency contact, he's passed away, and I'll be like, huh? What the fuck is happening? It's like when you see your mom and she's like,

oh yeah, and you know, that hospital operation I had two months ago. Oh, I happening? It's like when you see your mom and she's like, oh yeah, you know that hospital operation I had two months ago. Oh, I know. It's nothing, it's nothing. My mom did that shit recently. Yeah, so my mom's done it. Yeah, fucking hell. No, it's all cut out now, don't worry.

What's cut out? I wouldn't tell you. No, I know you wouldn't. No, I wouldn't tell you. Well, look us in the eye now and tell us you're not dying. Well, we're all dying, but are you dying at an accelerated rate? No, I'm not, I'm not dying, I'm not dying.

Okay, he's not dying. So you're not dying. He did look us in the eye. Sorry about that, that did take a while. That did take a while. I know both of you. You've been sunbedding. They've both been sunbedding fuck the both of you. You have a bad example And they say they're off to the beach and when it's fucking raining and these dumb fucks are sunbedding That is simply not the truth Twins for Kade will not carry this lie for you. Your acting career is, wow, full of short.

Excuse you, if you're not seizing the day and going to the beach a couple of times a week in the middle of winter. There's no beach visits. I absolutely refute that accusation quicker. I refute that accusation. I've been having the occasional booz-siggy. I had a booz-siggy earlier in the year. You had a booz-siggy. Okay? I had a boo-siggy earlier in the year. You had a boo-siggy with me. That was fun.

Hypocrite. Hypocrite, you've been on the darts. I have been on the darts. One dart, I've been on darts. Anyway, that was lovely. Yeah. So Fletcher's dying. Sorry, sorry, that was so fucking long.

Despite his efforts. I'm not dying. Oh, you know I've always said, I'm not here for a long time. I'm here for a good time. Absolutely, I'm already so sore. No, we just thought that because you have been sort of saying in our group chats that, you know, love you, that you love us.

And we thought maybe we just sort of getting ready to say goodbye. Get over it. OK, well, he's not dying. Just trying to be nice. No, keep it up. I like it. You've all done terrible things at work.