ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 13th October 2023

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Producer Jared has a first!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Porn. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's Rewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Porn. And we've got a first, guys. We've got a first. Oh, we've got a first? What's happening? We've got a virginity breaking tonight. Is someone of us a virgin?

God, we talk some shit then. Producer Jared, you are tonight breaking your live comedy cherry. Yeah, Hayley's taking my V plates. Oh, it's me. Yeah, yeah. Your hee-hee plates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your hee-hee plates.

So you've been doing your comedy show. Yep. All week in Auckland. Yep. Tonight's the last? No, no, one more night after tonight. One more night. Okay. But I'm saving the best for second to last, which, no, one more night after tonight. Okay.

But I'm saving the best for second to last, which is good that Jaron's coming tonight. Yeah. And you've never, ever been to a live comedy show? No, never. Not once. Really? Never.

No, never. Oh, well, we've got to fix that. It's great. You sit in a room and you have a glass of wine in your hand and you laugh at someone and you go home. That's the guarantee. I think he's familiar with how comedy itself works. I've heard of comedy.

Yeah, right. And attending things. Yeah, right. I just wanted to make sure he knew. You've watched Netflix specials, like comedian specials and stuff. I just realised the pressure then of this situation for it to be a good show. I'd say lots of people this week, it might have been their first time. Really?

At a live stand-up show, yeah. Oh, Jesus. What are your expectations, JP? Well, I've seen you at work at work, and that's pretty okay. That's pretty okay. That's great. I do okay here. Maybe be better next week.

So, yeah. You had an early morning today, and I know how tired I am at 7.30 on a Friday. Yeah, but I've been having long schnozzers during the day to recharge for the night. She's been recharging, yeah. Well, I've obviously seen thousands of comedy shows in my life. Like, I've watched Dave Chappelle on YouTube. I'm not like anything like that. All right, all right.

He is a master of comedy. He is also a black gentleman. Yeah, slight difference. I He is also a black gentleman. Yeah. Slight difference. I am somewhat of a novice. You know, I've done 10 years of this and I'm a white lady. And the show really has, as you guys who have seen it at least once, really has a white lady feel about it. Okay.

Here's my tips for seeing a comedy show. One, don't sit in the front row. No, because they pick on you. I do use the front row a little bit on my show. Not to pick on, it's quite fun, but it just throws me when my friends are in the front row. I come out and my friends in the front row are always like, what the fuck are you doing?

Did it pull you off when you could see us in New Plymouth at the big table? Yes. But we weren't right at the front. We were like a second big table back. I know but for some reason the way they had the audience because the audience

is ever ever so slightly lit just so I'm not staring into a void. I could see you Vaughn almost clear as daylight. No wait. I'll ask for the spotlight. Yeah.

He was like can we just get that refocused? Yeah. Can I have a spotlight please? Are you coming with the midi? Yeah the midi's coming. No word on if she's seen comedy before. Okay. But yeah we're going to have a spotlight please? Are you coming with the midi? Yeah the midi's coming No word on if she's seen comedy before Okay

But yeah we're going to have a few I've got another tip Don't heckle Never heckle I don't think Gerard would You're not a heckler No I'm not a talker at the best of times No I hate going to a comedy show and people heckle

Mine's not really a heckle show No yours isn't People chime in sometimes Because I ask the audience a little bit You know make some noise if you relate to this And some people chime in sometimes because I ask the audience a little bit you know make some noise if you relate to this and some people chime in

and I might pick up on it but you can heckle me don't be like why don't you try telling us something funny okay don't do that what kind of heckling

is appropriate great tits stuff like that yeah she likes that Jesus set your eyes upon that set of legs stuff like that yeah yeah, she likes that. Jesus, set your eyes upon that set of legs, stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Holy moly, love to wrap my lips around that one. Something like that. Is there a intermission? Because I might need

to pop out for a vape. No, it's only an hour. So show us that it's only an hour, no intermission. Okay, cool. However, you could do what Aaron does in theatre

and just suck on it and blow it into your shirt. Okay, cool. Aaron's a bad man or wear your hoodie backwards and put the hood over and just have a vape into that my plan was to have the hoodie backwards and fill it up with popcorn oh and just munch munch munch it's not a movie hon there's no popcorn at the theatre

what do I eat during you eat before you go you don't eat during the show you can't take a little bag of M&M's or anything. It's not a movie. If you hear a rustly bag of M&M's, you know it's this guy. I'll be like, Jared, shush. I'm in the loft, so I'll wave.

Good luck. Thank you. Good luck. I'll review it in the New Zealand Herald on Sunday. Oh, no, please don't. And if you think it's not great, don't tell me. All right. Yeah, we just came to work the next day and just didn't say anything.

Didn't say anything. The worst things to say to a comedian after a show is like, man, that was so brave. Or holy moly, how do you remember all those lines? Or the worst one I've ever had was, how'd you find that? Yeah, that's a good one. When other comedians say it to comedians, instead of being like, oh man, great set, oh man, you killed, it's like, how did you find that? Yeah, not good, not good. So don't say that.

Okay, well, good luck. Yeah, good luck, and good luck to me, the actual performer.