ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 15th August 2024

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Vaughan's Mother-in-Law is attending something...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe, the perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Now, people listening may or may not know that my mother-in-law is always an interesting character She's always got something on the go She lives in a constant state of flight of fancy Lives in Raglam with all the other hippies Lots of hippies

She asked me the other day if we took my tractor down on the back of a trailer, would I help her steal some gravel from the side of the road? Oh, my God, Vaughn. That is public gravel. That's what I said. I was like, hands up. She's like, I've been in Raglan too long, haven't I? I said, yes.

You certainly have. I always see those piles of gravel, which they obviously use for road works. I'm like, if you had a trailer or you, you could 100% I have seen people stealing from the piles of gravel. Uh oh, someone's not talking much. Someone's hiding their face. Hayley! No!

Now listen! What? Okay. No, don't admit to a crime. No, I wasn't. We didn't commit a crime. But someone committed a crime on our behalf without us asking. Because we once had a driveway that was laid with gravel and it arrived.

And yes, we may have hired a semi-unprofessional cowboy to do it. And I was like, what do we owe for the gravel? And there was nothing on the gravel and it was taken from the side of the Rimutaka Hill. Now, I had nothing to do with it. I didn't ask for it to be there. There was nothing on the gravel, and it was taken from the side of the Nematucka Hill. Hayley! Now, I had nothing to do with it. I didn't ask for it to be there. Why wouldn't he steal the gravel then charge you? Yeah.

I think he thought he was doing us a favour. Anyway, move on. Receiving stolen property was added to the Crimes Act in 1961. Receiving? I did, but I was unbeknownst. It was after we had left. I don't believe ignorance is a defence in this case And you're going to be going to court And that's what my mother-in-law's doing at the moment

She's going along to the court cases I thought you were going to say that's when you'll write to her as a pen pal in prison I'll write to her as a pen pal No, my mother-in-law is Looking after my nephews And so that means She's up in Auckland She's been going along to this like extremely high profile

High court case If you're outside of New Zealand You might not have heard of it And maybe you haven't even heard of it in New Zealand But an eye doctor Yeah Is on trial for murdering his wife Yes

He's 71 The whole thing's a very interesting story Yeah And so she's been going along Like like, she drops the kids off at school and then just carries on to court, grabs a park, pays fuck knows how much for parking. Oh, it's right by my house, yeah. It's so expensive.

It's an expensive park for the day. Is this just for entertainment? For entertainment. And she's made friends with a gay couple. Oh, I love that. Who are going along as well just for shits and games. She said it's the same people there every day. And this gay couple, they're a retired gay couple,

this is what they do. They go to high profile cases. What? At the high court. Oh, I'm sorry. That is not a good sport. That's what I said. I was like, it's almost a bit fucked.

Someone's dead. Yeah, there will literally be photos of murdered bodies and gruesome details. Yeah. And what they're getting off on. They're not getting off on. Oh, I don't like that. But it's their formula. Or maybe I can't speak for them.

It's entertainment, isn't it? But yeah, she's like, oh, they're lovely. And they were running me through the details of so-and-so's case. I was like, who are you talking about?

She's like, oh, this other high-profile case in New Zealand. I was like, oh my God. I haven't even heard of that one. Because I've never done jury duty. Neither have friends

that have done it. I've got out of it three, twice or three times. I think the next time I might have to do it. But you don't get to choose your cases. I had a friend that got stuck on a real horrendous case.

You know what I mean? And it kind of stuffs you up. I'm going to be in that jury selection process saying, I work on the radio and I cannot keep secrets. I'm the same. And I'll be popping anxiety pills and I'll be going like, I've got a big mouth. Also, I think they give you like $10 or something for your time.

It's like, excuse me, do you know how much rent is and stuff in Auckland? Yeah. People can't afford to do that for fun. Yeah, they don't pay you what you earn or anything. They just pay you this flat. That's what, they need people like your mother-in-law who have nothing better to do. But she also, I said, do you think he did it? She's like, I don't know.

Oh, she doesn't even have an opinion on it yet. I'm playing along with the jury. Like playing along She's playing along It's a fucking game of Cluedo I know it's a game of Cluedo She's open to being persuaded And she sends me these massive long messages Because I engaged in it

And of course No one else in her family is So she's like Well I've got to tell somebody And he answered my question So I'm getting these like super long Let me show you how long Like this is like a rundown of like

What she's learnt and what evidence has been provided. Oh my God. This, that and the other. How incredibly fascinating. Yeah. But morbid. Morbidly fascinating.

Morbid. She was a community nurse for a while and she said she would go around and check on patients, they'd be dead. She's like, I've handled dead bodies and seen dead bodies. Right. Not much shock, sir. I've been a very good nurse. She's a terrible fucking nurse.

Do you know what she did? I'm sure she won't mind me telling this story. No, I probably would have just got privacy. It happened in the 70s. And I don't know names or any details or whatever. Yeah, but still. But she would go around. She was a community nurse, so she'd go to their homes and check up on them.

And she said she went around and a guy had had his leg amputated. Oh, yeah. And so all she had were the notes. She had to go around and see this guy with his amputated leg. And she got around there and she's like, I need to change your dressings. And he. Oh, I don't know if I can handle this. I've got wounds to my belly.

He pulled the covers back and she said his dick was down to his knee. And she said, as a joke, she said to him was down to his knee and she said I as a joke she said to him I thought you'd had your leg amputated that's so good

that is so good and this guy was like what do you mean and he had no idea he was sporting a huge penis mega schlong in terms of like

maybe even a Guinness World Record penis perhaps she said that they always travelled in two the community nurses and the other nurse Mega schlong. In terms of maybe even a Guinness World Record penis. Perhaps. Wow. She said that they always travelled in two, the community nurses, and the other nurse, they were of the understanding it was a one-person job. Yeah.

Obviously not with a bloody dick that big. She put it in the car and she's like, I'm just going to need to get my other nurse for help. But she went out of the car and she's like, I'm going to see this massive dick. Oh, my God. I would be like that. So the nurse came in.

Drop everything. There was two of them and she was like, oh, I'm here to help. And she said her job was to, like the other nurse that came in, her job was to two-handedly lift the penis out of the way so she could do the dressing. Would they not have tongs for that? You've got a four-handed cock? Are you kidding me? One, two, three, four?

No, no, no. Two-handed. She lifted the penis out of the way. Like a dog roll. Well, my mother-in-law changed the dressing. I'm imagining dog roll. Yeah, like a big dog roll, Chubb. Wow.

There's simply no other. She is prone to a smidge of exaggeration for the purpose of storytelling. She's a wonderful storyteller. Okay. She said you can check because she's still friends with the nurse. They have the nurse. Yeah, right. She's like, next time you see her, just say something about, you don't give any details

other than, oh, did you have to help Robin deal with an amputee in Hamilton once? With a giant dick. No, don't say the giant dick. Robin said the first thing she'll say is the guy with the giant dick. Right. And then they'll tell us about how big the dick was. Wow. That's a twist.

People probably don't have these sorts of conversations with their mother-in-law. No, I certainly don't. Or even their mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I don't have these conversations with my mother. Wow. But yeah. Go him, you know.

She's out there participating in a high court case. I thought you got your leg amputated. I thought you got it amputated. Quick. Good from her. Quick and perfect. Imagine not knowing you were sporting a... Yeah.

Yeah. Some of us don't. Whew. What? I don't know. I don't know what I'm insinuating.