ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 16th June 2024

Episode Date: June 15, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Vaughan attended an Assembly!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Now, this might sound bragalicious And it is Okay, is it fergalicious as well? It's bragalicious

It's vornalicious, bragalicious and fergalicious It's the trilogy of liciouses Okay But I had a couple of visits to the girls' school this week. Right. Here comes the brag. Indy's a house captain and there was a badge ceremony. A badge presentation ceremony.

They have awards for fucking everything. They're willing to leave them out. They're house captains. They're going to get the badge. You had badges. You were on patrol. Yeah, I had badges. Parents didn't come.

They were working. Oh, yeah. They didn't come. They were working. Oh, yeah. They didn't have assemblies where parents turned up. In fact, I don't think parents ever turned up to school. Parents always came to ours, but we were like, I grew up in a rural school, so they'd nip in from the farm and ride. Parents never came.

They only come to prize giving when I was at high school. They always have it around lunchtime so that if you can take a lunch break, you can come. Right. Okay. But yeah, we went and there was a whole assembly and all the different houses. Well, there was four houses and they each presented their house captains the badges. And they had like little presentation videos and what they want to achieve this year as

house leaders. How often are they doing this? This is a weird time of the year to be doing this. That's what I was like. Why are we, we've left it all nearly halfway through the year. Wasn't she given this? The title she's had for a while. Yeah. Anyway, it got to the end of the year to be doing this that's what I was like why are we we've left it nearly halfway through the year didn't wasn't she given this the title she's had for a while

yeah anyway got to the end of the assembly and then a teacher who we get on with well yeah said get out of here

and I said can't wait I can't believe I had to sit through all of those other kids and Shana's like don't say that and I

and the teacher like laughed I was like she gets it she gets it I don't give a fuck about... If you had told me Indy was first and then I could leave afterwards, it's like when you go to dance things

and you've got to sit through all the other kids. I don't care about all these other kids' dances. And they're like, oh, you can't leave. It makes them feel bad when they see gaps in the crowd. That's why my parents didn't come to Indy. So fuck that. They're too busy. Rock in.

Stand at the back. Thumbs up. Super proud of you. Glad I came. Got to see one at the back. Thumbs up. Super proud of you. Glad I came. Got to see one of my beautiful little children doing something. Who are all these jackasses? Yeah. I bet they all got awards too.

My mum used to. Oh, there's one for little Timmy for turning up. There's one for bloody little Susie for eating a fucking apple. Congratulations. Hey, says us who ate apples this week and then as a reward got sent a box more apples we got lots of apples yeah great but we didn't get

a certificate participation awards well you got an invoice on the front of the box that's an adult certificate right an invoice

my mum would only watch the other kids so that she could be like oh you know I used to do piano competitions and there was always this guy William Huang

and I just looked him up he's a professional pianist that's why he was better than me she'd always be like William's good this year oh I thought she was gonna be shitting on William but like William's got no no no mum would always be like William's doing his scales yeah William Huang he's yeah but he didn't have a he didn't have sell-out comedy shows at the New Zealand Comedy Festival did he well looking at him now no he just looks like a

plain old pianist William it's because his time's taken up being a professional pianist. That's why. Wow. I never beat him. The other... Well, it shows. No, no, look at my pianist skills now. Yeah.

Look at those fingers. Dare I say... Straighten them out? What is it? Dare I say he would never, ever pick up a keytar? Oh, he would... He would... He would laugh at the keytar.

Brands or nothing. Yeah. Head... At the keytar. A really dain. Yeah. Head at the keytar. A really dainty spit. Anything you had to plug in, he'd do that. I'm not Mozart-ing on a keytar. Whittle-le-le, whittle-le-le.

He should. He should, but he won't. No. And the other reason we went to the school was this art thing. This, like, art. Oh, my God. You have to pretend to like art as well. And God. All this has been working on this art. You have to pretend to like art as well.

And I said to her before we went, I said, is it okay when I come to see your art, I come dressed in a costume and pretend to be an art collector? Okay. And I walk in and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm not liking what I'm seeing so far. Oh, my God. What is it saying, darling?

None of this have any depth. None of this giving me a little je ne sais quoi. What is the story behind it? Wait! Ah! Wait! What? Wait! What have I cast my eyes upon? This might be... It is! Oh my god. It's beautiful.

She was just like freaking out that I was gonna do it. The whole family got a whole presentation in the kitchen of this new character I'm working on. What's his name? What's his name? Called Arthur the Art Collector. Arthur the Art Collector.

Arthur the Art Collector. Do you not get this out of your system at work every morning? And he puts the glasses on the end of his nose. But then at home I get the same. I get the same resistance and that's what I feed on. Yeah, right. I like Arthur. Stop it.

Slow down. What are you doing? You love characters. You and Aaron do characters. Perhaps I'll come along as on. Yeah, right. I like Arthur. Slow down. What are you doing? That's too much. You love characters. You and Aaron do characters. Perhaps I'll come along as Julie. Julie! Julie!

Might I introduce you to my partner in crime only platonically, of course, but if I'm a raging homosexual. And I'm a raging lesbian. And we're a couple of gays. We might have a child together one day. This is how we can afford the art

whenever I have children. Now, Arthur, darling, darling Tell me what is this piece Who is this artist It's deep It's the sort of How old is this artist This is the work of Someone who's lived many lives

Oh yes Darling Do not agree We'll see art though Was it good It was actually like Was it And it'll sound like I'm saying this

Because it's my job But I honestly think it was the best in the class. What was it off? They had to- Was it a house with smoke coming out of the chimney? Yeah, in a path. On a big piece of paper, they had to put their hands down and trace around it, and then their feet down and trace around it,

and then draw themselves being pulled back into something. Oh, okay, that's cool. So their hands and feet were the front, and then they had to scale the body. Right. And August's was like falling into a volcano. I was like, is everything okay? Good chicken. Good chicken.

Originally she said she was going to be being pulled into, I think it was called a porticus or a porticle from Harry Potter, like a traveling thing. Right, right. Getting pulled in. And then I think that was too hard to draw, and so she was like, volcanoes are easy. I'm like, just a big red hole.

Yeah. Just a hole with fire in it with orange crayon for lava. Done. Yeah. School visits. Sometimes fun. Sometimes I don't care about your kids.