ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 16th October 2023

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley loved your responses to our "What happened at the Funeral" Phoner so much, it overflowed into this episode of Lil Bitta Pod!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with MyMackersRewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. And so many messages today for the phone-in topic. What went wrong at the funeral. Yeah, we thought, well heck, we better do a special. We did think heck we should.

We did think heck, didn't we? Really didn't do it justice. Heck, we thought. Heck. That's triple heck. So here we should. We did think heck, didn't we? Really didn't do it justice. Heck, we thought. Heck. That's triple heck. So here we are. That's three out of possible three. Actually, in the producer's booth was across the... Heck. Heck, heck, heck.

Did you all say heck? Heck. Did everybody say heck? Heck, we should do a podcast special. Yep. Yep. Nah, see, I don't think so. Nah, Colin went fuck.

And it kind of stuffed it up. Yeah. Heck, heck, heck, heck. Okay, yeah, we did it. We all said heck. And a Yeah. Heck, heck, heck, heck, fuck. We all said heck. And a heck. So we talked about disasters at funerals. When things went wrong, disasters is maybe a little bit heavy handed.

Oh, yeah. You're exaggerating a bit there. Yeah, God. Hyperbole. Type it up. If you haven't listened to the big pod, give that one a listen. And you'll hear the story of Nana Squish Nose. Our caller of the week.

Amazing. Big call on a Monday too. Yeah, I know. Some messages in, Instagram replies when we asked. People said, keep this anonymous please, but that's okay, we can do that. Had an uncle's funeral where the mistress no one knew about got up and spoke.

No! You don't speak! You don't speak! Go to the funeral, sit at the back. You don't speak! You have a private Mourn I want to know what she said I wonder if she got anything

In the well In the settlement Yes Maybe that's why She's making herself known Petra said The priest dropped dead Next to the hearse

While people were saying Their last goodbye Oh my god Death at a funeral Stid down the side As they were saying goodbye That's pretty good He's done his duties Yeah Just signed off really Oh, my God. Death at a funeral. Thump. Skid down the side. Thump on the ground. As I was saying goodbye, that's pretty good. He's done his duties.

Yeah, yeah. Kind of just signed off, really. Otherwise, you'd have to postpone, wouldn't you? My nan nearly fell in another plot that was being prepared for later. She was stepping backwards and someone grabbed her just in time. Oh, my God. Before she fell in a hole. My dad's ashes went solid because of condensation went to smash him up on a rock like a bag of ice.

I didn't of condensation. We had to smash them up on a rock like a bag of ice. I didn't know condensation was so you could keep an urn and a damper next to it. I like to keep those little silica packs that you get in the vitamins and stuff. You should actually mix those in. Pop them in your urns. Oh my god, baking them up like a bag of party ice. Oh my god, that's so funny.

On a rock, so in a bag. That's so good How long have they been sitting for? Yeah Maybe years Some people leave them for years Yeah well some people Want to find the right thing

To do with them don't they? Jeez I didn't even know That was a thing So if you've got some ashes around Yeah Pop some silica packs in there Yeah damp red Yeah

Sit on top of the dehumidifier Or make sure it's a sealed container Like seal it Yeah There might have been a bit of Air getting in There might have been a bit of air getting in. There might have been. Damp air.

At my dentist's funeral, the priest repeatedly called my granddad Bill and his name was Patrick. That's a lot of people were saying. Somebody said the whole funeral happened and they kept calling the person who's been buried the wrong name. And somebody else messaged in saying that the priest, their grandmother's name was Pamela. and just like slip of the tongue, the person running the funeral kept calling her Pamela Anderson.

And then someone went, sorry, sorry, just Pamela. At grandma's, the hearse had a flat battery, so they had to jump start it with my grandma in the back. That's what somebody else said. Their granddad, the hearse, went flat because the battery, the lights were left on, the battery went flat. Because the boot's up for so long. And my uncle said, hold on, I'll get dad's jumper leads.

And the grandad who was in the back of the hearse, his jumper leads, which he'd left in his uncle's car, were the ones that saved the day and jump-started it. That's cute. Because I guess you can't keep the hearse running, otherwise you'll gas everybody. Yeah, nice. You've just got to have the doors open and the boot open. Yeah, pop the boot down, open it up, sneak back out and open it up beforehand. The funeral home, and this is a classic when you've got two going at the same time,

switched up slideshow. So we got their slideshow, they got ours. No. You got one job. Who's that fella? I don't know who that is. Got a great, I hated the song. Yeah.

At my gran's funeral, the funeral parlor Mass not parlor by the way, calling it a funeral parlor Sounds very like 1860s Yes, the parlor Yeah, the funeral parlor had not paid for premium music streaming service Oh my god It's also a tax write off, come on For six months of Spotify, that's so funny

In the middle of a remembrance, a song, the ad came on. It was Brennan McCullum. The one that was popping up everywhere. We all looked at each other confused because it starts with, hi, I'm Brennan McCullum. We're like, so I got Brennan McCullum to record. Oh, my God. Brian didn't even grow a grand like to cricket.

Was that when he was doing ads for the game? Didn't he get in trouble for doing ads in the UK for gambling? I'm not sure. Maybe. For gambling sites or something? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Somebody said, we absolutely lost that and had to leave a funeral where we're at because

we couldn't stop giggling. The priest was walking down the aisle swinging his smoke machine. Yeah, yeah. You know, the smoke. What's it called? Tangler. You're Catholic. Yeah. Aaron used to swing it. Did he get to swing machine? Yeah, yeah. What's it called? You're Catholic. Yeah.

Aaron used to swing it. Did he get to swing it? Yeah. Because that was what they said. The priest was swinging this. But back in my day. Incense swinger? The boy got to swing the donger.

It's called a. The smoke machine. Smoke ball. Catholic smoke machine. And he was swinging it really high. And then he lost control of it and it swung around and smashed him in the face

and he got a blood nose and my mum and I just started laughing so much we had to leave the funeral because we absolutely couldn't contain ourselves. Great grandma's funeral. Terrible.

Terrible. That's it. Yeah. We all got together a couple of days beforehand had a big family catch up and all the cousins watched Step Brothers.

Right. That's good right that's a good time now when we got to the funeral time to say goodbye by entrepichelli came on and of course that's one of the funniest prestige worldwide yeah one of the funniest scenes and step brothers and we just absolutely lost our minds and we were getting told off by everybody which only made it funnier yeah uh so we so that was how Grandma's funeral went off the rail. Does getting left behind at the after eats count? Oh.

I wear it at my favorite auntie's funeral and at the eats. The wake, I think that's it. Yeah. The professional sister of eats. It is. It's the eats. It's the eats. They have a little beautiful egg sammy.

Club sandwich. Sparrow roll. Lamington. Bit of sponge. Do you eat lamingtons? It's just delicious. My family were all saying goodbye and I was looking for them and to my surprise all my family left.

They were halfway home to Monaco. The funeral would have been in deep west Auckland and no one had noticed that I was missing. So I just kept eating. Yeah, I would do the same. Nice for you too. Yeah, do it. When my grandad was brought back to the house for the tonguey,

we couldn't get the coffin through the corners and doorways. He was a very tall man, so we had to resort to standing the coffin up and kind of walk to the coffin. You know when something's real, do it like a fridge when you walk the fridge. Yeah. On the corners, walk to the coffin through the house, and then it had to be rearranged once the coffin was down because he'd slumped.

Because he would have slumped. You were lucky you didn't have a lid break there. Yeah. He would have fallen face forward. Yeah, and then he was a tall, long man. You would have had to pivot him around the corner to get him in the lounge. Guys.

My dad passed away. It was an open coffin. My sister, who is on the autistic spectrum, went up, had a look, slapped him across the face and said, is he not waking up? And we were like, oh, no. The deceased person's dog was very special to them, so they came to the funeral.

And they were in the church right up the front, and then during the moment of silence did this really long, loud, nasty dog fart. Smelt so bad. Cleared the room. The doors were open. The windows were open. The person in the church didn't even know

that the windows did open because they never had to be. Awful. Awful. Oh, God. It was my Nana's funeral. The son-in-law that she was never a fan of somehow accidentally knocked over

one of the very tall candles Covering himself in hot wax And setting the curtain on fire A lot of us believe that was nana having her last laugh That's so good So good This is the one we've got to finish on I told you this one before

At great nana's funeral the grave digger dug up the wrong spot He was meant to dig beside grandad But he put the digger's shovel straight through grand granddad's oh my god you would just be like nothing to see here cover cover cover cover cover dig dig cover cover dig dig cover cover dig dig dig and then he's haunted forever yeah yeah