ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 17th May 2023

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

On todays Lil Bitta Pod - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley talk Sharks!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fleshwood and Hayley's Little Bitter Pod. Thanks to McCafe. Great things are brewing, one cup at a time. Welcome to A Little Bitter Pod. And we're crossed now to Vaughan with some marine news. Oh, some shark. I saw this story about this girl in Florida.

She was surfing and a shark bit her. Across the middle, across the torso. That's a fast way to lose that stubborn weight, though. Those love handles. And the little, you know, your sort of gunky area. For the surgery, do you reckon you could be like, just... Oh, my God. I reckon so many people ask for that, like, when they go in.

Little shark. Oh, yeah. You can just take off a bit of fat. Yeah. Or, like, my mum had these sort of bumps on her eyes. She had to get them removed. And while she was getting it removed, she was like, lift them up a bit. Yeah Yeah Or like my mum had these Sort of bumps on her eyes She had to get them removed And while she was getting it removed She was like

Lift them up a bit Yeah get them a little bit Which they would have to do anyway If they were taking the bumps out Yeah because they remove it Oh wow And she's got a little Sort of free eyelash

Oh yeah that's good That's good That's a little bit of something But she got bitten across the midget And then she was Elbowing the shark Like get the fuck off me Oh that would

Jeez Louise Because you wouldn't it would just be happening all of a sudden you wouldn't get any warning and you'd just be like what why am I being eaten by a shark see I always think this though like when if you're like oh if I was being attacked by a shark I'd do the same you try to punch it in the nose you gotta put a finger in the ass no that's dogs what do you realize a'd spend a lot of your time trying to locate the shark's anus. Slippery. I believe,

yeah, slippery as, and leathery. A leathery anus. Yeah. Is that why they call you shark anus, Fletch? It is so, she's a leathery. It is a leathery.

Tight, tight. You know scarred skin? It's like, wow. Too many tears and fishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But can go airtight when diving to deep depths.

Where is the shark anus? And I do not have a leathery shark anus. This is where my guess is. Absolutely no knowledge of the shark anus. It's on the bottom of the shark

towards the tail. Okay. My anus is so soft. Halfway between the tail and the last dorsal fin. The last fin. Do you want to know where I think it is

or do you want to know how soft my anus is? Because mine's like beautifully soft. When it says anal fin, do we think that's where the anus is or is that just a fin that's a bit anal? I don't think it's a fin by the anus. It's a bit of a stubborn fin. That's going to be a manly located fin.

Now, wait, I'm just going to go for this upside down. Yeah, okay. So it is, where did you say it was? On the bottom of the shark. Back between the last fin and the underneath and the tail. Yeah, that's where I think too. There it is there. So you've got to grab.

What does it look like? There, it's an anal fin. So I'm assuming maybe there is, there must be an opening somewhere. It'll be handy to have it behind the fin. Because if it was swimming, because they can't stop swimming, of course, because then they can't breathe if they're not swimming sharks. They've got to keep swimming. Oh, yeah, look at that.

So it would pop out behind the fin and then disappear. It's a real bloody, looks like a big, like opening up a big pack and save plastic bag of bloody shaved ham. Look at that. Oh, God. I've just Googled. Oh, God. Yes, I don't know. Animal cloaca.

It's a cloaca. It's got a, yeah, I don't know. It's a one-stop shop. Oh, yuck. It's like a chicken in a bird. Wow, there you go. I don't know if a shark attack, if it's going to be easy for you to just put a finger in there. I've just Googled the strangest anuses in the animal kingdom.

Flat worms have a weird sort of dotty anus. Oh, and there's one. They poo out a sieve. Yeah, it's sort of strange. And there's some bugs that have no anus. Wait, they poo out a sieve. Who's emptying the sieve? It's a bit like the dishwasher sieve

Do you ever empty that? Always, constantly It's a bit of corn and Yeah Oh that's right, wombats have square poos Yeah But it's because they sit on them when they poo They poo when they sit on them

Right And then they like roll forward to poo again And sit on them again Sculpting cube shaped, yeah, poos Well I mean I just I guess punch the shark is the best. Punch the shark, finger up the ass for a dog,

bear play dead, if it's a man in the balls. If it hit the man in the balls. I always thought if someone attacked me, like a human, another human, I'd act freaky to really put them off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If they were attacking me and they were gonna punch me or try to abduct me or something, I'd be freaky to really put them off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if they were attacking me and they were going to like punch me

or try to abduct me or something, I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd just go crazy. And they wouldn't want you anymore. I'm local. And they'd be like, oh, man, she's a psycho. She's great. And she just appropriated culture there by doing a Latino accent. I don't want a racist woman.

We don't want that on our hands. Yeah. The bear saying is if it's black, fight back. Yep. If it's brown, lay down. Right. That would go against all of your instincts. I know.

Yeah. Because I play dead right and the bear just bats you around and eats your guts. But I couldn't. Yeah, I couldn't. I watched an Instagram reel the other day of a family who was walking. I think it was in Canada or something. And a brown grizzly was following them slowly up the track. Oh, no.

And her son was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then she was like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. And he just panics and runs and the bear starts running. She's like, don't do that. And he finally stops and they just lie down and it leaves him alone. What? It was terrifying.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. But I would be the same. I can outrun him. You can't. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. But yeah, fighting the instinct to run. God. I always want to run.

Except for leisure. Do you? Except for leisure. No, sorry. I mean, run away from life's problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was unclear there. A metaphorical run rather than a literal run.

Oh, fuck no. I'm not going for a run. I wouldn't even make a kilometre.