ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod -19th June, 2025

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; it's a sad day for the FVH fam... #RIPHerman See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZM Podcast Network, it's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to a little bit of pod and a sad, sad little bit of pod. Fuck. Fuck. Yesterday was a day. 2025, I'll say 2024. It's not your year is it? 2024, I thought, you remember at the end of last year, I said a couple of times, but I'm in the worst year of my life. 2025 heard that and was like, I'll show you the worst year of your fucking life. You won't see nothing yet.

You won't see nothing yet. Do you know what, mate? 2024 sucked, but I'm hotter in 2025. I am hotter in 2025 too. But it sucks pretty hard. But it sucks. There's lots of parts of it that sucks. Now, yesterday I would say, I think I've reached the apex of sucks.

Fuck me. When I got this message from you I just thought I know. I know, that's what I keep saying. People are like, look on the bright side, I can't get any worse. And it just continues to. Because last year's end is like, oh yeah? Uh huh! 20 year old E5 is like, you fucking think so? Yesterday I got home and it was going to be lawns day because we finally had a stretch of nice weather. And I was like, today's going to be lawnss day and I quite look forward to lawns day. It's my zen, it's my, you know, I finish

and this is a weird thing about working in radio. You finish and you go home and there's nothing physical to show for your efforts. You're my hey. There's a podcast. There's a podcast. There's a podcast. There's a podcast.

I'm saying you're doing the lawns, I get to finish it, stand at the end and be like, I've done well. And doing the hedges, you're like, that looks good. It's like a builder can always drive past a house or a building and be like, I've done well. And doing the hedges, you're like, that looks good. It's like a builder can always drive past a house or a building and be like, I built that. I worked those people off. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry, that felt true. I turned up at 9 o'clock for 20 minutes to that house and then told them I had to go get some stuff. And I was gone for half the day, but building anyway. Cut some fucking corners on that place. Yeah. Give it 10 years.

I bribed the council to give that a tick, but the internal guttering leaks and it's a problem. Stop that. So I've got my lawns, I get to finish and I get to, so a part of when I get home every day is I go out into the paddock and I check and I can feel myself. You're all right.

I check on my animals and yesterday I went out and I was met at the gate by Hamlet, one of my cooney Cooney pigs. And I said to him, I said, where's your buddy? Where's Herman? And I looked around the corner. Herman was dead and it fucking broke me. Now falling to my knees and crying and saying, no, no, no, this isn't fair.

Over a pig was not on my 2025 bingo card. Yeah. So um I dragged he I think he must have died in his sleep because he was like in a sleeping position and stuff. You did send a photo in the group chat? Oh that was after I'd sent a photo when he was in his house and I dragged him out. Fuck pigs are heavy. Dude I once. And he's a little coony coony. Yeah I once I think maybe once that pig stood on my foot and I was like, fuck you're heavy. Yeah man, animals when they stand on your feet, you always feel it.

You're like, holy moly. So, oh, and the day before I had to put down the last cluck dashy hen, Rob, the final cluck dashy hen, blind, deaf, but like, seemed to be happy enough, but then this week took a bad turn, so I like, cruel to be kind. Nobody thought Rob would be the last cluck dashy hen standing. Everyone's gonna be camel criss in the press right because he kept out he kept out of the light

yes quiet life selling those socks how do you know so then I was like what the fuck am I gonna do this is the biggest I've buried chickens all around the property one time there was a I ripped out a post and there was a hole and I was like, seems like a waste. Chicken down the hole. One day they're going to put a motorway through your property in like, Well one's go past, not so far away. In like 20, 20, 200 or something.

And they're going to stop and be like, oh my god, we're in a graveyard. Pet cemetery. Stop, stop, stop, bones, bones, bones. So many bones. Yeah, bones, bones galore. Um, so yeah, I like, I had to dig my biggest hole yet. How did you get, how did you move him? Because I was out, because I live around the corner and you were home and I was like, fuck, I need to come over and like try to drag this pig.

So I pulled him out of his house and I left him there for a while. Oh. And I started digging this hole. And I tell you what, if you've ever dug a hole and cried the entire time, it's arduous and then I've buried a few people in the Waitakere's and their emotions get locked. Fletch Fletch we're recording the whole thing.

Sorry sorry. Also wonderful, wonderful Tadeo pronunciation of the Waitakere's. I've buried a few people out in Waitaks. Wait I'm being cancelled for my T-o but not for my murder. No, well you know, you might have had a decent reason. No reasonable butch in the language. So, and also, we live on a- there's topsoil for about the first six inches and then it's just clay and clay at the summer year. The water table's right up, the hole kept filling up with water.

I had to run an extension cord out and use my wet and dry vac and every now and then I'd have to stop and take eight loads of vacuum out of the water out. I didn't even know what to say when you mess up just in the group chat. I was like how can this get any worse for Vaughnay this year? Then I dug this massive fucking hole and then wrapped them in a blanket

and popped them in the hole and then I just started filling on this like fuck I forgot the chicken. So then I had to go get the go. Wait are you gonna need that blanket? You want it to be good nice? No no no no it was an old blanket. We're not gonna get to August and be like oh shit it's cold. Oh no no no it wasn't off a bed blanket it had been the dog's blanket and the dog had like ripped it a bit. Oh right okay okay. So it was tattered. So you had to tell the girls? Yeah so I picked August up from school and I said, I've got such sad news and she said, oh my God, what's happened? And I said, Herman's died.

And she said, which one was that? Okay. Okay, so great. Fuck she. Left pick. She's like, oh no. The left pick, the ugly one. She's like, the orange one or the black and white one?

I said the orange one. And then I started crying and she was like, it'll be okay. Oh, that's nice. Okay. And then later on I picked India up and I one? I said the orange one. And then I started crying and she was like, it'll be okay. Oh, okay. And then later on I picked India up and I said, I've got terrible news. And she said, Oh my God, what's happened? I said, Herman's died. And she started crying.

And then I started crying and so bad, I had to pull the car over on the side of the road and we both had a roadside cry. Far out. Mate, well, what am I supposed to do? You're going to get a bus lane fine for that. That'll add to your fucking year. No, no, it wasn't a bus lane. It was a real wrong road.

Poor gasoline on it. Yeah, but. Well, R.I.P. Did you say a few words at Kalakia? I'm not fluent. No. I sang two tētā mai na iwi. Did you actually?

Oh yeah. Tato, Tato. I don't know where that's fitting. But yeah, and then once everyone was home, all the girls were home, we went out and had a look and said a few words and then the other pig came in like it was actually really cute. Oh, does the other pig know? This is what I think they know. I don't know. They're very clever, but I don't know. And then the other pig came in like pushed between the two girls and then sat down and I was like, oh, and that just fucking ruined me.

I had another cry out in the thing. Anyway, they do this to you, don't they? And somebody did sum it up. Isn't the most Kiwi Farmer way possible? Where you've got livestock, you've got dead stock. Jesus. Oh wow, okay. That's the way you're looking at it. And it really made me think I cannot dig a bigger hole.

So when the goats die, or God forbid the cows die. Oh my, you need to dig up. You need another John Deere arrangement. I want, well that's why yesterday my mate, he was like, oh my god, this is so sad that you're missing that tractor. I was like, oh god. My fucking asshole, of course I am.

But it really made me think I need to tee up for if the cows die, cause I want to get the head, the horns preserved. Oh yeah. And also the fur turned into like a throw. Yeah. So you can wear it as a- I'm gonna do that with Rolly.

So I can wear it as a John Snow coat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. That would be cool, cool, cool. So I need to kind of like tee that up for winter, doesn't it? Are you gonna wear that with your fingerless gloves? Yeah dude. Are you gonna fuck with a guy wearing a cow's pout as a coat and 3M thin cellate,

thin glass gloves? I don't fucking think so. Spot the guy having a mental fucking breakdown, eh? Honestly, he's wearing a cow hide. That's the centre square on my 2025. Once I've ticked off all the others, I'm allowed to have a mental breakdown. Also, this is the first time Vaughn arrives at work today and he's just had a horrible day and the first thing we do is roast him about his three end... Fuckin' 10 meter pieces. No regrets. No regrets. Like they were really warm.

Three man, three end! Oh my god. They're really warm gloves. You can both get fucked!