ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 21st January 2025

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; We're back and one of us has a cyst! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

From the ZM Podcast Network, it's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Okay, guys. Do you remember last year I got an MRI on my spine? Yes. Oh, no, my thigh. It was my thigh, this one. Because you've got a tingly knee.

Tingly knee, still ongoing. And the doctor's like, you know what? I'm getting to the bottom of this. You're right. What were you playing? I thought I was muting something, but I turned out to be unmuting it. Oh, yeah, you unmuted it. Anyway, so on this thigh scan, you know I had shadow flaps.

We can see your bits. Yeah. And they'd seen a cyst. They seen it. And then just as this protocol, which says bodies grow shit all this time. It's not a problem. Yeah. But they seen it and they sent me to go get it checked out, which I did over the holiday break.

This cyst is the size of a fucking golf ball. I know. When you messaged and I was relaxing on a beach or a mountain or wherever I was. I was like, guys, pussy update. Yeah. Hayley. Boys, pussy update. Please don't use the P word.

Pussy. Why are you scared of pussy? God, you should see his face. He can't even handle it. Let's just keep it clean, please. It is clean. It's just a thing. It's self-cleaning.

It's just a word. Yeah. Look, one of God's miracles. Yes, but let's just call it genitals or something. Okay. Vajay. Yeah's just a thing. It's self-cleaning. It's just a word. Yeah. Look. One of God's miracles. Yes. But let's just call it genitals or something. Okay. Vajayjay. Yeah.

Vajayjay. Let's call it Vajayjay. Thank you. I text you when you were on the beach about my golf ball-sized cyst. That's unbelievable. That's massive. So one, she was like, can't you feel it? And I was like, no.

Can you feel it? Can you feel it? So basically, they did all this scan and they confirmed it. She's like, oh you feel it so basically they did all this scan and they confirmed it she's like oh yeah it's quite sizable and then after the scan I go into the office up feet up in the stirrups and the gynecologist is down the end and then the moment

I was presented to her before she even got in there she was like I can see it she's like I can see it right just by looking at you I know and this is why I will say that it's not one of those twins is it that you absorbed in the word

you absorbed absorbed them in the they're gonna cut open the cyst and teeth and hair are gonna fall out or it's got a little hayley face it's like

oh yeah and it's like and it's like thank god you finally found me oh my god what have you been doing down here no it's

it's fresh like it's newish probably within the last couple of years. It's not, like, cancerous or anything. No, it's called a Bartholin cyst. They're quite common, but mine is just large. And you've got to get them removed or drained or whatever, because if they get...

Drain? Dude. Oh, my dude. The process of the surgery I've got to have is no good. Anyway, because they can get... Wait, but you're not getting a day off work. We're not going to have to do... I am doing a day off work. It's morning surgery do this in the afternoon fuck you're unreal

i hate you so much i'd be great in management i'll say this has just been in south america for a month a month we stayed here i'm gonna go on these wild sex tours and then he comes back and he's like I'm sorry you've got a cyst you need surgery on your pussy and he's going to be like I don't know about it I don't know about it

I don't know about it see if you can reschedule for the afternoon can you do it in the afternoon and be back on the work in the next morning I like that you took

more offense to me saying the P word than the C word C word is like it's fine it's the far more aggressive way of describing that part of the body. Do you know what I love about the advancements in female reproductive health is I'm in these stirrups.

She goes, can't you feel it? And I said, no. And I said, it's all squishy, bitsy down there. You know, I haven't noticed it during any kind of. Everything feels like a golf ball down there, love. Everything's crazy. And then so she's in there with her hands and she goes, give me your hands. And I was like, oh, she said, are your hands clean? I said, yeah. And I said, oh, there with her hands and she goes, give me your hands. And I was like,

she said, are your hands clean? I said, yeah. And I said, oh, but look, I've got long fingernails. I've got really long fingernails at the moment. And she was like, oh no, it's fine. She was like, just use the, you know, the flat part of your thing. And she pulls my hands down there, give it a feel. I was like, how wonderful is this? She was like, have a feel so you can see what it is. And then she was like, do you mind if I, because it's sizable, if I

go and get my colleague from upstairs? They love showing. They love showing. On a rare thing, they love dragging a few more people in. That's when you know you've got something

a bit fucking out there. Yeah, I know. She's done it before with my weird shaped uterus. Do you mind if I get my things to have a look? So I was like, absolutely.

This other woman comes in, hello darling, gets down there and she was like, God, yeah, you can bloody see it just looking at you. She wasn't even a doctor.

She was just a fan. She was just a big podcast listener our receptionist loves you punk she doesn't love a gawk at this golf ball size so at one point there's these three women myself included all just having a little squeeze of this thing how did you given you are a chronic masturbator how did you not notice it i don't know And now that it's been brought to my attention, I cannot help but notice it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's not a hard cyst, like a hard thing. It's squishy, like fluid.

It's all squishy. And that's what I mean. It's all squishy down there. Okay, well. Anyway, that's getting removed. You booked in? Yeah, February 25th. They couldn't do Waitangi?

Nope. Fuck you! That's my... This guy. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. He said 25th. Nope. Fuck you. Spoiler. Stay off. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What about a Saturday morning?

Yeah. Oh, do they do a Saturday morning surgery? Do they do a Saturday morning surgery? Do you know what though? After the surgery, it's a six to eight week ban on any physical activity. Oh, ma'am. Beg your pardon? So no golf?

No. No, I can play sports. I just can't play with myself. Okay, man. Physical activity. Oh, man. Beg your pardon? So no golf? No. No, I can play sports. I just can't play with myself. Okay, right. You can't play with yourself for six to eight weeks. I suppose if I just hover around the top, but, you know, I've got to really rein back the technique that I mastered in 2024. Okay, wow. I'm so sorry to hear this.

So I think- Do you feel bad now? Do you feel bad about- I reckon for the month of March, after my surgery, I'll be grumpy. Wow. I'll be like that. You know what you're like when you don't eat? I reckon for the month of March, after my surgery, I'll be grumpy. Wow. I'll be like that. You know what you're like when you don't eat? That's me.

That's going to be the equivalent. Do you think we need to put a warning on that podcast? Course language. Course language. Course language. Okay.