ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 22nd June 2024

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Someone had a Toilet situation!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Well producer Shannon's been in her new apartment for less than two months and already worried she won't be getting her bond back when she's going to leave

What have you done? What have you done? I was doing a little top up tan fake tan, just a little Hayley gets it, just a little buff up tan. Fake tan. Just a little Hayley gets it. Just a little buff, you know. I haven't tanned for a while and boy oh boy, it's due. It's jarring. I know, I was the other day

I was naked and I saw myself in the mirror and I was like, God, I'm white. It just happens quickly, doesn't it? You lose it quick. Yeah, and I just felt a bit Ripley. You know, it just smooths it out. It just buffs you, doesn't it? You lose it quick. Yeah, and I just felt a bit ripply, you know? Yeah. It just smooths it out, just buffs you over.

Whereas Vaughn, you're constantly translucent white, aren't you? You're very... Yeah. One big one's fucking perfect. You're like an axolotl. You can see your veins. Oh, anything but an axolotl. We can see your veins and your organs.

Anything but an axolotl. We can see Vaughn's organs. I can literally see your organs through that skin of yours. No, you can't see my organs. Why? I just want to go on record. You can't see my organs. I can see them.

You can't see my organs. I can see one of them. Why have you got that one out? It's all this talk about axolotls. You're just a big sunscreener and a big... I've got to be. You've got a big anti-cancer stance. I will go on record. a big anti-cancer stance i will go on record i'm anti-cancer yeah um i did that skin thing you know where you find the there's a chart no no it's a chart and you find it online constellation and you run your hand like

arm down or a part of your body that never sees the sun and that's your skin type and i've got like mckenzie or something is it like the resin color chart like the paint like that okay and i've got to be i've got to be very careful well um producer shannon uh you were tanning yeah i had a little tan i was buffing it out and got a buff the worst thing you can do after tanning is when you're washing it off in the shower is to pee yeah the shower. Yeah, it'll run down. It'll run down. Okay, so what if you do a wide squat? No, no, no, no, no.

Because that's not how it works. You have to go as wide as possible. Yeah, you'd go this. I reckon a wide squat. I reckon I wouldn't touch the sides. I'd have to go wide. I've got thicker thighs and they'll touch. You really have to go so wide.

What if you went wide and held them up? Held the thighs up. And pointed it forward. No, but then you've got your hands kind of grabbing on the tan skin. I'm just redescribing the exact method you used when you were at our house and you jumped out of the spa and pissed in the bush. So, ha! I did take a wide squat.

I said, is that really not your leg? You're not allowed to bring piss back into the spa. And I said, shut up. Shut up and untouched. I'm cold, I'm getting back in. Untouched. Well, yeah, so you don Shut up and untouched. I'm cold. I'm getting back in. Untouched. Well, yeah. So you don't pee in the shower after tanning when you're washing it off.

It's a bad thing to do. So I put on my tan and I was like, oh, no, I haven't peed yet. Like, silly girl. I'll just quickly pee on the toilet. That's what it's for. In the toilet? Yeah. No, on.

She spritzes around. I mean, technically you are peeing on the toilet. Because we sit on it? Yeah. No, on it. She spritzes around. I mean, technically you are peeing on the toilet. Because we sit on it. Yeah. So I pee, stand up, and I have left the most defined print on the toilet. Oh, no. A tan ass print. On the seat.

On the seat. Dude, you didn't forget the ass, though. Why did you tan the ass? You have to. It's just weird otherwise. It's just for yourself. Yeah, yeah, it's for me Because otherwise your legs go like this

And then suddenly this glowing orb arse Just looks at you I like to tan to get rid of the ripples That's just me in summer Yeah yeah Yeah exactly Yeah I don't know In a house with a cellulite appearance

Yeah it's just I was doing it to feel good about myself For no one else So I just did it But now I've got an arse print on my toilet Of fake tan I'm freaking out And my partner's in of fake tan. I'm freaking out. And my partner's in the room.

And, like, I'm trying to keep the romance alive, you know? You're going to be like, hey, I put a brown ass print on the toilet. Can you help me? So I'm panicking. And I've been in the bathroom now for a little bit. So I was like, I don't want him to think. So I just looked around of how to clean it. And I just grabbed my whitening toothpaste and, like,

slathered it across the seat and then I grabbed toilet paper and I'm scrubbing it. It starts working, I will say an effective technique. Yeah, if you left it longer it'd stain. Because I would have grabbed, because what, the brown is basically what's soaked into the seat. The tan. I would have exit moulded.

Well, I don't own exit mould. Oh my god, exit mould is the most magical thing. I own spray and wipe and that's about it. No own exit mould. Oh, my God. Exit mould is the most magical thing. I own spray and wipe and that's about it. No, exit mould is lethal. It's bleach. It just basically bleaches mould and grime. Well, that's why I thought whitening toothpaste was an exit mould light, you know?

Right. So I just start scrubbing it with toilet paper and like freaking out. That's wiping. You can't scrub with toilet paper. That doesn't have the... I know so then I grab a towel, like my body towel that I was about to use in the shower, I'm scrubbing it on the

toilet and then I'm like, Brendan's gonna think, what is she up to? Because he would have heard like flusteredness. He'll think you've shat everywhere and you've done a real hard clean on the toilet you've just destroyed. And like upon like I should have just told him what was going on but I was freaking out. And then, so then I end up ruining like a whole towel.

So that's in the washing machine now. And then the whole room smelling like toothpaste. I'm now worried that next time I use the toilet, it's going to burn me. Yeah. Or you just have a minty bottom.

Yeah, probably a minty bottom. A tablespoon of baking soda. You reckon? That's what I'm, I've done a quick Google. Oh, yeah. Well, then, so then I just get a bunch of water and from the sink I start, like, across.

My bathroom's very small because it's an apartment. Oh, my God. So I'm, like, flicking. None of this would have happened if you'd taken a deep squat. Yeah, you're just, you're so right. I should have just. So I'm, like, flicking water. The water's going all over the walls.

The walls are now getting a bit tanned. You're not getting that Bond bag. You're going to have a brown bathroom. So is it still brown? No, I got it off, but I ruined a towel. I went through a whole roll of toilet paper and used half a tube of toothpaste. I think the lesson we've learned here, and Vaughn, I'd like you to say it one more time. What's the lesson we've learned here?

Take a deep squat. Deep squat. Pull it forward. Hook the thighs apart. Maybe even just grab the gunt and pull that forward. Pull that up. And then eyes apart. Direct it forward.

Bear down. Push it out. No problem. And that skin chart is called the Fitzpatrick skin type chart. Oh, okay. Yeah, if anybody wants to, you Google that and see how at risk you are of melanoma. Happy peeing, everyone.