ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 22nd May 2024

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Vaughan reads out your Highschool Nickname texts that weren't appropriate for on-air! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod And it's an overflow today Well it's kind of, how about this It's sort of like the circle of life Yesterday on The Little Bit of Pod we talked about

Tip Then on the show today we talked about high school nicknames Because of tip And now we've got A Little Bit of Pod That's an overflow of your high school nicknames Which is great because a lot of these we couldn't a little bit of a pod that's an overflow of your high school nicknames which is great because a lot of these we couldn't read out on air

because they're naughty even though someone straight up just said fuck on ear yeah god no say a big one I was called Gimli

at high school because I was short chunky with red hair and carried a violin case which apparently looked like Gimli's axe Gimli from Lord of the Rings

I had no idea what Gimli was so one day I googled it. Needless to say, I was mortified. Mum, they love me. They've given me a nickname. Gimli, they call me. I assume like Gimli Moore.

Gimli Moore. No, not the case. In between primary school and high school in the UK, I gashed my leg open. And I'm bandaged from toe to hip, causing me to goose step when I walk. So they nicknamed me Little Hitler as I was short.

Little Hitler! I did a goose step! I do at school reunions, I still get called Little Hitler. Little L-I-L Hitler. I thought you were about to say she was going to be called Gash or Big Gash. Yeah, and that's terrible. Big old Gash. Big old Gash.

No, no, Little Hitler. The Gashmeister. Little Hitler! Big ol' Gash. Big ol' Gash. No, no, Lil Hitler. The Gashmeister. Lil Hitler. My friend's nickname at school was Punky. Not because he was punky, but because he was super punctual. Oh, okay. Oh, okay, that's interesting. The opposite of a punk, which kind of doesn't adhere to anybody's rules. And my nickname in primary school was Mbop because my mum bought me back a Hanson t-shirt

from Australia, and I thought I was really cool, but apparently I was a little bit behind the times. Aw, it would be worth a lot of money now. So they call me Mba. At primary school, I was Yogurt Girl because I traded every single item of my school lunch for a yogurt from different friends throughout the school. So I had like four yogurts a day. Yogurt Girl. I met Yogurt Girl shit through the eye of a needle. Oh, yeah.

Good for the gut, though. Yeah. Well, it depends. If it's sugary. Dairy food. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for the gut, though. Yeah. Well, it depends. If it's sugary. Dairy food. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be a good yogurt.

Yeah. Someone said, I'll let you guess why I had the nicknames Orange Ruffy, Fanta Fanny, and Big Red Chunderpants. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Yeah, that's... Big Red Chunderpants? That's bad, eh? That hurts. Remember that radio session that used to do Hug a Ginga Day? Yeah, I do. Horrible, wasn't it?

Horrible. My nickname was Stud, but not because of my looks or charm, because I had a stutter. So it was more of a stud than a stud, but they called me Stud. Okay. What are you doing? My laptop's not charging. Oh, there it is.

It's not really in. Yeah, no, it's in. Excuse me, don't tell me when it's in. No. It's not really in. You know it's in. Excuse me, don't tell me when it's in. It was tilted back. I can feel it's in. You're just ramming it at. Is it in? I can't feel it. It's not in. The rudest thing you can say to a man is it in. Is that the first time he's ever heard is it in? Is it in?

He didn't like it. I went to school with a guy that we call Pinky because one time he asked a girl out and she rejected him and he went bright red and the nickname stuck with him for the last seven years of school. So that's high school and intermediate. Do you have any, I knew this guy that would blush so easily. Yeah, that would go like, instant beetroot.

And hated it. It's unfortunate because you can't hide it. You don't know what causes it. It's like an embarrassment thing, eh? Like you embarrass it, you just go, oh. My nickname stems from my maiden name, which was Spur. Everywhere at school, my friends would yell out, Spur me's to get my attention.

Oh, Spur me's. I hated it. And I don't understand that my brother never had the nickname Spurn, Spur me's, since he's a man. Why me? I have still one high school friend that calls me Spermese? To the producers booth on the red face, this is a fucking ruthless nickname. Yeah, yeah.

We had a guy who had like an acne issue and was on the Accutane. So his face was always red. And his nickname was Royal Gala. Like the apple. That's terrible. That's Apple. That's horrible. That's horrible. High school was fucking awful, eh? Disgustingly so.

I went to an all-girls school and it just was not bitchy. It's so wild. That's weird. I know. It was a really small school, to be fair. So there weren't that many girls in the years. It just wasn't that bitchy. The Royal Accotane. I went to't that bitchy. The role of Akatina.

I went to school with a girl and she had bad acne and I never mentioned it because I was kind of like acquaintances with her. Oops, something's broken. And also like you're a teenager too and you get acne. Yeah, it's easy to set upon people though. And when someone that's in your situation but worse, you can like point everybody in their direction. If you tease them there about it, why don't you tease them even more?

Yeah, this is way worse. Look that way and then run the other way. And then when she got it all sorted out, remember saying her like in front of a group of people like towards the end of school oh yeah well i when i stopped with my bad acne at least vaughn stopped calling me pizza face and i was like i never called you pizza face oh my god you're like i'm not that guy i'm not that guy and she's like yeah you did you call me pizza face i was like i never called you pizza face i was kind of horrified i did a lot of shitty things but i never called her pizza face and I was kind of horrified. I did a lot of shitty things, but I never called her pizza face.

And then like years and years later after we'd left school, I saw her and I was like, I'll never forget the time. And she's like, I made it up. Oh no. I was like, why'd you throw me under the fucking bus?

Everyone was like, what a fucking asshole. I was like, I never called you pizza face. And you weren't being mean to her. Oh my God. I wasn't even, I wasn't even called her pizza face.

I know, this is just high school. It is. Just looking for a blame, looking for a piece of face. I know. This is just high school. It is. Just looking for a blame. Looking for a blame. Fucked up politics. Oh my God.

Read out the next one. Four Eyes. Jesus. Yeah, come on. Four Eyes? Are you calling me Four Eyes? Yeah. A fellow I went to school with got the nickname Spud because when he was young, he fell in a really hot bath and 30% of his body got really bad burns and apparently looked like

a baked potato so people called him Spud. What? You can't call someone Spud if he had an accident that has resulted in a renal scarring. My husband's nickname

in high school was Donut because he broke his nose and it looked crook and his mate said if he followed his nose he'd do a donut and he's 64

and everyone still calls him Donut. Wow. That's fucking weird. Who sees a bent nose and he's like you know he used to do a donut and he's 64 and everyone still calls him donut oh wow that's fucking weird who sees a bent nose and he's like fella you know he's do a donut donut what the fuck that sucks um i jumped in the swimming pool when i was an intermediate my bikini rode up and some boys from school saw my titty and then they started calling me titty flop titty flop tell you what though in high school they'll never look better

they'll never look better I'll be happy I wish more people saw them than at high school yeah I was in a long term relationship in high school

what a waste I'm glad they I'm glad more people didn't just for you as a father of teenagers a woman does not want to hear these

I'll be saying to girls girls will never look better get them out don't get them out get them girls will never look better. Get them out. Don't get them out. Get them out. Show them around. Don't get them out. Don't show them around.

Have your kids come back from school with nicknames or have they been bullied or anything? Nah. Oh, one kid called August Megamind once because they said she had a big forehead. You know that blue cartoon? Oh, yeah. She doesn't have a big forehead.

She doesn't. So I fucked him up. Yeah. I was like, Megamind is at you, little cunt. And then I kneed him in the face and I was like, oh, he's falling into my knee. Teach her quick.

He's going to fall into my fist. No, I didn't. Oh, I was like, this is fantastic. But okay, but I was like, which one was it? And she was like,

that guy. And I went up to him and I was just like, is there a problem? And that's all I needed to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. There hasn't been a problem again.

Not mine, but a guy in my third form rugby team cried when he got tackled. So for the rest of the high school, he's known as Softy. Another guy had a mole, so he was known as Vogels. Mole, mole, moldy bread, Vogels. I don't even know this guy's real name. What? How did they get to that? Mole led to... Vogels.

On a drunken something school night. On a drunken Darren High School. What does that mean? I mean, this is obviously an autocorrect, but I'm trying to work out what is autocorrect. On a drunken... On a drunken deer at high school. Yes, that'll be it.

A guy in my year eight... A guy in my year eight... Spell out the number, not the eating, but they mean the eating. A guy in my year eight, a teaspoon of number not the eating but they mean the eating a guy in my year ate a teaspoon of poo and he's forever known as teaspoon what no fuck off that's fucking great you need if you have children i have these conversations with my kids all the time yeah i'm gonna go home and say to them this is the story some guy ate a teaspoon of poo now he probably thought it was gonna be cool at the time. He was probably overwhelmed with peer pressure. We had this real feeling of, like, the crowd wanted to do it.

You've got to learn. Oh, yeah. That's a no. We've all done dumb shit. I think the dumb, I snorted a line of coffee, of, like, espresso coffee when we were on a school trip, and we're all like, I'm getting so fucked up. Dumb.

Forgettable. Because everybody's doing it. Well, everyone's doing it. Who cares? We're all going to eat a teaspoon of poo No one's eating a teaspoon of poo After the first person No That's yuck

Okay Never again There's some real horrible ones in here That I don't really want to write I was called shrimp Because I was quite short And also we went swimming quite a lot So they'd say

Hey shrimp You happy to be home in the water? Fuck them. I was also called Jiminy Cricket because my name was Jamie. Oh. Yeah. Jiminy Cricket. That's lame.

Yeah, they could have absolutely done better. My nickname was Civ because at high school, my memory was like a civ. People would tell me, the teacher would literally give me the answer to something and then five seconds later ask me to repeat it back And I couldn't do it We have a friend we call the sieve Because he's He's no good with gossip He's no good with gossip or secrets

It sieves right out of him Yeah in it goes And out it comes It's not Vaughn no No it's not Vaughn Vaughn's been good at keeping secrets recently And I'm sick of it Not from high school

Oh my god yeah Not from high school But my sisters and I Were ruthless And we called each other Mole man Fungus face And wart woman Because one had warts The other had cold were ruthless And we called each other mole man, fungus face and wart woman Because one had warts

The other had cold sores And the other had a mole Man kids are ruthless eh This is why I can never be a teacher They would just destroy you constantly Oh yeah Their meanness Just well mean

Mean and nasty Thanks for that horse Yeah Because of his gigantic Big dick This is Gaily Smells Signing off