ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 23rd September 2023

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Fletch has been a victim of a dastardly Crime!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchbourne and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Macca's rewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Guys, I'm the victim of crime again. Oh God. This lawless central city Auckland that I live in. Okay, calm down election year.

Yeah, Jesus, what do you want, to vote for you? Well, so I would say not even a week ago, the building, two buildings beside my building, they must be doing some painting

and maybe some replastering of the old building. So they've put up some scaffolding and I said, oh. Parkour.

I said, no. Hayley and I have been known to do a bit of extreme parkour. It's rather extreme. I don't know. It's dangerous. We take our lives into our own hands every time.

We do. We do love extreme parkour. No, but there's been so much graffiti in the city. When I saw the scaffolding next door, I was like, here we fucking go. I'll give it until the end of the week Until some arsehole Climbs up there And spray paints The building I live in Or the building that has

Scaffolding on it Because there's a lower Building in between That they can walk on Has it happened has it So last night Apparently While I was sleeping

In my room And my friend who's staying Is sleeping in the spare room Tagging happened Now that might sound like He's talking about a lover No it's genuinely A friend of the show, James. Yeah, a friend of the show, James.

He's found a flat. You'll be pleased. He's moving out. Oh, my God, you'll be schlong out as soon as he leaves. I also, you know what, Shardell was like, I cannot believe Fletch isn't charging James rent. Why wouldn't he charge rent? Because you're a cunt.

Wow. You are the cheapest cunt I know Whoa Even I would be like If you're staying For months Chip her in some way

No I am actually Very generous He's an incredibly Generous friend I know but I If you encourage him To be looking a little harder You would be charging

Him a million more rent You know I haven't Charged him any rent I haven't asked for anything. Wow. Even though I did say my power bills have pretty much doubled. And he's had a couple of sleepovers. He's taken lovers into those rooms.

And he's taken lovers. He has brought lovers around to my house. He has taken lovers. No, but I'm weirdly tight-ass with some things, but then I don't give a fuck. You are. It's so weird. It's so weird.

You're tight-ass with yourself, but so generous with your friends it's bizarre if i could get that three dollars that'd be great um james has been staying at my house for months yeah can you guys all transfer i need the 1970 no i need the coffee money because my friend is bleeding me dry staying at my house jesus so while we were both sleeping in our individual rooms somebody climbed up the scaffolding and tagged opposite the apartment and right above both of our windows. We're right.

A cuck lives here. I don't really obsess over cuck. It was just whatever. It was like street tagging. So it was like, no, it's no Banksy level shit. It's just like gross tags. And like, I open up,

cause I obviously woke up in the morning, didn't notice. And I saw the tag when I got home on the opposite building. And I was like, those motherfuckers. How disappointing. And I was like, oh,

well other building. And then I was looking out the window and I noticed a reflection of our building. And I noticed all the graffiti above my windows. And I was like, Oh my God, you've been tagged So like literally You know where my beds are in the windows You sleep with your earplugs in

I know and so does my friend James I would have fucking heard this Because you would have heard I can't sleep with earplugs in If I didn't have earplugs 100% probably would have woken up But what would you have done? Get out of it you fucking mongrel

Get out of it you fucking mongrel You just put on your farmer's voice And you scream into the dark Push them off the roof Get out of it you fucking mongrel Get out of it you mongrel You just put on your farmer's voice And you scream into the dark Push them off the roof Get out of it you bastard Push them off the roof So you're going to murder them I mean if they weren't

And then just say you gave them a frighten that fell Yeah exactly If they weren't tagging They wouldn't have died And then you just yell parkour And then call the police and say I heard someone doing parkour With spray paint

It's a hardcore parkour Yeah Parkour I hope he's alright Quite weird And then like going to sleep last night I was like Are they going to come back?

You're on edge Like yeah Because you know how close The bed is to the window It was like a metre and a half away And they were right there standing And you're a nude sleeper as well They'll see everything

Not at the moment. Oh, because of James. Because of my friends. Because of your freeloading best friend. Because of my freeloading best friend. Wow. This is wild. I know, wild.

And so now there's like ugly tags on the building. How do you get rid of it? Is that a you guys issue? I was so pissed off because I was like, the building didn't put any like barriers around the scaffolding.

I'm like, they should be at least making an effort so it's not easy for people to go up. It's got a good looking building. It's a pretty building. It's a heritage building. It's beautiful. It's stunning.

It's like these graffiti people have no respect. It's almost like that, Vaughn. It's almost like that. All day yesterday I was saving. I was like, we shouldn't be selling spray paint to anyone. Oh my God. I was like, maybe they do be selling spray paint to anyone. Oh, my God. I was like, maybe they do need to go to a boot camp. Oh, tooth explode.

Did you redo your vote compass to see who should vote for now? I did sort things out. So I have some laser security perimeter set up, which is rigged to a machine gun. So what happens is when the red line's broken on this perimeter, some laser security perimeter set up, which is rigged to a machine gun. Sorry, okay, right. So what happens is when the red line's broken on this perimeter, the machine gun,

it's an old World War II Gatling gun, will just spray the entire rooftop perimeter. No, but you'll probably hit people across the road as well. You can't have that. You're going to murder people. No, it's only against the brick wall. You'll murder people with those purple curtains. It will only murder people that are on the roof.

Against the brick wall. Against the brick wall. Sort of like an execution squad. Yeah. It's against the wall. Wow. Okay, maybe I might have to de-rig that because that's a bit full on, isn't it? Yeah, well, we do silly things in the passion at the moment, don't we?

Yeah, we do. We do. Dude, when they do that voting compass, is the Nazi party a part of that? Or is it just the government parties? Okay, hon. We've got terrible news. Hon, you've gone beyond national, beyond NZ First. Voting for the 1935 Nazi party?

Maybe have a little review of that. Let's rethink that. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that your building's been tagged. Yeah, no, seriously. I mean, obviously I haven't set up a machine gun. No, it looks like you live in a povo, bloody. Yeah.

Also, thanks for pointing out that you didn obviously I haven't set up a machine gun. No, it looks like you live in a povo, bloody. Yeah. Also, thanks for pointing out that you didn't set up a World War II machine gun. Thank you for that. Oh, I took that as right. Yeah, I know, exactly. You ever heard the people that ring up and complain about things we say on the show? I cannot believe he set up a World War II gun! You have the police knocking on your door.

Yeah. Hand over the weapons.