ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 25th January 2024

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Fletch's bed injury...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Enjoy a refreshing McCafe iced coffee available only from Macca's Great things are brewing Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Now yesterday I was arriving at my apartment building And I noticed somebody in the foyer In the foyer In the foyer, near the door

And so I was coming back from the gym, had my gym bag And I swiped into the building, and I opened the door, and I saw this lady was about to move a large mattress out. Oh, no. And I was, yeah, it was like a double-sized mattress. Oh, yeah. So she was handling it, but it was still quite big. Yeah, right. And I was like, I guess I wait here for her to move this out.

No, you don't. No, you are. How long does it help? Well, I'm not touching a manky mattress. Yeah, true. That's great. I don't want to touch other people's mattresses. I was like, there's no cover on it.

I don't want to touch someone. I don't know if she wanted me to help touch this manky mattress. Yeah. And so I open the door, and I'm like, after you. And I'm like, come on through. She finally gets around to picking it up and maneuvers it out. And then smashes it on my arm that's holding the door open smashes it it's a mattress no it really hurt because i wasn't

looking and it really hurt the corner just came down on my like middle of my arm and it just went smashed she's like sorry about that but like really dismissive sorry about that not like oh my gosh are you okay not like oh my god i'm so sorry about that oh my god poor boy poor baby really hurt you oh this is a problem when you do nice things to people i should have just walked in and you did you say the door is out did you say ow i was like ah sorry about that wow i mean look she hasn't sawn off my leg with a chainsaw yeah i i want to say she booked you with a mattress It really hurt, it really hurt What, this little mattress?

You yourself said it was small It was a double to coin size mattress It makes it worse You didn't help her I think she did a A fuck you A fuck you for not helping Help me

I don't have to help her No, you have to I think she did a fuck you for not helping. Help me. I don't have to help her. No, you have to. We don't have to help anyone. She didn't ask. If she'd said, can you help me? I would have been absolutely. Do you know what?

This is the thing with men. We don't want to have to ask. We want you to just know. No, you're right. We want you to just know. That's troublesome because sometimes if you just know and you start helping and then you've offended a woman by assuming she was a poor, defenseless dame. And then she thinks you want to sleep with her and then all of a sudden you're a pest. Well, did you want to sleep with her?

No. Well, then you're good to clarify the facts of the story. Was she a minger? Oh, so you're saying she was a big, fat minger. I said nothing of the sort. I'm just saying it's funny How you go to help someone And you hurt your little hand You hurt your little hand

With a little book From a little double mattress How long did it hurt from? Four A couple of hours Oh my god What was the state of the mattress? Was it like

Stains and stuff? No it was pretty It was pretty clean I'd say it was pretty clean It was terrible Like a stained mattress You're just like Yeah

The things that have happened To get there My old mattress I rang up the You know because you can donate it And they really gave it a looking over I was like like a stained mattress. You're just like, the things that have happened. My old mattress, I rang up the, you know, because you can donate it and they really gave it a looking over. I was like,

what's wrong with it? It's lovely. Oh God, I've heard about you. Jesus Christ. Things that happen in that bed. And that mattress was 97% Febreze by the end of its life,

wasn't it? It was the only thing that was held together. They thought it was a waterbed, but it was just all the Febreze. Decades of Febreze. Febreze won't remove the sins. Yeah, will it not?

The smell of the sins is gone. Smell and the stains, yes, but the sins are still in the bed, you know. Right, I needed the Febreze sin remover. You needed the exorcist Febreze. Yeah, right, okay. Heavy duty stuff. Right, well then, I think my motto today would be don't help people. Oh, that's a terrible motto to have in 2024.

I know. What if there's an old woman struggling to cross the road? She's about to get killed by a car. You're not going to help her? We'll have to go sometime, Hayley. It's not how she wanted to go. She'll probably boop you on the arm with her handbag. That's the thing.

I don't help her and she gets hit, thrown into me, and then I get my back put out. Oh, my God. How did you hurt your back? Wow, this bloody fucking old lady got hit by a car and a corpse. I think this year will be the year of me just leaving people alone, people to their own devices. It's because you're getting older.

And every other year you have been famously helpful to strangers. You're being a curmudgeon. And every other year you have been famously helpful to strangers. You're like a curmudgeon. What a grumpy old man. I'm just going to keep to myself from now on so I don't get booped on the arm.