ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 29th April, 2025

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Producer Shannon has an announcement... 🤠See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, it's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. And it turns out, guys, we now have a farm gal on the show. Wow, we've had a farm boy. We've got a farm boy. And now we've got another farm gal on the show. Wow, we had a farm boy. We've got a farm boy and now we've got another farm gal.

Yee-haw. Shannon, why are you a farm gal? You live in an inner city apartment in Auckland. I couldn't be further from a farm girl until the most recent break we just had. So my best friend moved to Clinton which is in between Gore and Belclutha. So I was in the middle of nowhere, deep South New Zealand.

For overseas listeners, it's just in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Bumfuck. Yeah, I think they call it bumfuck. It's very cold. It's actually just down the road from bumfuck. Yeah. Yeah, it's literally a bumfuck adjacent. Yeah.

Yeah, it's in the middle of nowhere. But my best friend's there. So I went there over January and for the first time wore gumboots and kind of had a soft farm experience. Okay. Soft launch. Yeah, soft launch. A rural soft launch.

This trip. Which was actually the name of my Rockwest band. Rural soft launch. That's right. I will say, I did say it's in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, but it's a beautiful, that Southland and central Otago. Bumfuck nowhere is always beautiful. It's so beautiful.

Easy. It was incredible. It was cold. The first frost of the year happened while I was there. I saw that I was in Mexico. Yeah. I saw that frost. It looked terrible.

I was in 32 degree Mexico. Yeah. It was a beautiful sunny Brisbane. And a private villa with a pool. Yeah, no. It was the poor alpacas were covered in frost. Went to defrost them anyway. You did not have to defrost

The alpacas Are used to a huge altitude Freezing cold temperatures Don't farm-splain to her She's a farm girl now I just have an image of Shannon just putting one's heat in a microwave Probably Or a boiling jug of water

It's like Pouring hot water over the alpaca in a microwave. Probably. Or a boiling jug of water on it. Pouring hot water over the alpaca. No, we just ushered them to the sun is what I mean. We just made sure. Anyway, I've got a story for you, though. Ushered them to the sun was actually the first release from Rural Sophomore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, great.

So as everything- Can someone start, someone who listens to this podcast, start a list of every time we say our Rock Quest band and then get AI to generate what the album art would look like. That's what our calendar should be next year. This year. This year. End of this year.

The 2026 calendar. No, because we've already come up with motivational quotes like audiobooks as reading. I think it's a series of album covers from Rock Quest bands that never existed. I love that idea. And they've got to have that advisory sticker on it. There you are.

Sometimes. And some of them in the gothy font that you barely read. The R&B albums will be black and white photocopied. Oh, yeah, they will be. They'll be stolen. Stolen. Because it's R&B. It's R&B.

It's rap. Okay, Shannon, back to your farm story, please. Okay, so you know how farms are always like chaos? We were hanging out and then suddenly I get a call and there was a lot of yelling and one of the kids on the farm had a motorbike crash. Scary. And we didn't know how bad it was.

I got told to bring a cardboard box and we had to put his arm back in place with the box. It was a whole thing. He's okay. What's a cardboard box? What do you do with a cardboard box? We were making a brace because obviously ambulances are far away.

Because you know how resilient crime is. It never bends. Famously, it never is. It never bends. Famously never bends. It never bends. Especially if there's frost or any sort of moisture around the cardboard it actually goes harder.

It never bends. No, so his mum runs the local emergency services so she was getting a pager to come to her own farm to help her son. So we went to... So anyway,

he gets carted off in their version of an ambulance. It was a whole thing. It's a cart. On the back of a horse. A horse and cart. So then his dad has to go. Then all the farm people were doing things. And suddenly, the leader of this farm, my friend's father-in-law,

turns to me and he says, you are in charge of finding seven chickens and putting them in their new house. Oh my gosh. And he walked away. Oh, my gosh. Now, I had held a chicken once the day before. I don't like it. It was handed to me and it was the nice one and I didn't have to, like, chase it.

So these hens had been moved about 100 metres and I had to find all of them and tell them, like, put them back in their new house. How did you tell them? Well, so this is the thing. Now, excuse me. There's nothing more humiliating. We talked about eggs a while ago Hell no. Wow. So this is the same. Now, excuse me. Hello. Hello. Shannon. Now, there is nothing more humiliating.

We talked about eggs a while ago, and I've told so many people this, because it's right, when the ping pong ball bounces off the beer pong table, and a guy helplessly chases it and just looks pathetic. Oh, I know. Chasing chickens? Worse. It's so much worse. It's worse, yeah. So much worse, because they're stupid, they're dumb.

We eat them. We eat the eggs. Yeah. We dominate these creatures. Yeah. can't fucking catch them and i think you guys know this about me i have a raging confidence sometimes that i don't deserve like i'll just be like i know how to ride a bike we know we've got shannon's hacks yeah i just sometimes i just something comes open i'm like i got this so i said yep i'll sort the chickens and there was two other people on the farm so there was 19 people at the house, by the way.

We were cooking a big meal. And I said- Are you a fucking communist? Sounds like a cult. I'm on board for it. It's a cult. Chicken cult. I said to two other people who had never held a chicken, follow me.

I will show you how it's done. And I walked over to this hen house. We saw your life. Follow me. I just put gumboots on for the first time yesterday. Follow me. They're these British people. I've had a few wines

also at this point. So like a bit of confidence. So I'm like, follow me. We're going to go get these chickens. I went to where I knew they would be,

their old house, which we had to take them away from. And I just like boldly go down and pick up what I thought was a hen. And I just grab him

and he starts pecking like a lot. Found out from someone else that was the cock. That was the boy. And he was not happy to be picked up. So he starts pecking. How many cocks did you pick up on your holidays, guys? None cocks. I remember.

Neither. When I got handed the chicken the day before they said the more you like calm it down is you act calm so i cuddled him famously calm i brought him towards my body and i said we're gonna do this together and i start telling him i was like we have to walk 100 meters and we got this like it's fine and i start instructing other people i'm like just get them just pick them up and just do it and it's dark it's night time so then i'm like holding my torch in my mouth while i cradle this cock and go it's okay we're gonna be fine we've got a torch in the mouth that close to the cock cradle the cock was actually the second release from soccer and then at this point one of the

farm boys comes over and he's like how are are you going? And I said, great. And he's like, I've got a cock. I've got a cock. You can cradle. I've got a cock nestled right in against my tits. Well, that's when he told me, yeah, it was the boy one. And then so I was just like, oh, good. I've got this. So I waltzed.

It's about 100 metres, which isn't far. But when you have to cross a fence, you've had a few wines and you're holding a phone in your mouth. And I was just. I'd get flustered. I'd get flustered i'd get flustered well clearly i didn't because guess who did it yeah i put it and so they've got this farm girl i managed to coordinate i got all of them in and it only took about 10 minutes which felt quicker than it should have this could be a reality show like it was right yeah that's right it was nicole it was so funny because they've got this new chicken feeder

that's like a rubbish bin so the chickens have to stand on it so it opens so it's so clever so then i had to put them it's not just a lever system but it is it's great it keeps the rats out but so i had to then put the chickens on it to be like dinner like because they're learning still i start rationalizing with these chickens. Do you know, if you are going to pick up a chicken in the future, the best way, this isn't even a joke, you grab them around the legs, you hang them upside down. Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

The minute they're upside down, they just relax. And if they don't, you grab their head and pull it down, and then they just relax. And then you snap it, and they're like, yum, yum. And you make barbecue chicken wings. Yum, skewers. Or some Malaysian skewers yeah yeah gorgeous. Well I think I've

proven, I did good, you just have to be confident and then console it as you walk it Confidence and consoling Confidence and consoling and now yeeha I'm a farm girl And the kid's okay Oh good and we didn't even

ask, we didn't even ask if the boy was okay. He's all right? He's all right. He's gone off to school with his cardboard brace. How old was he? He's 11. And he got taken to Gore Hospital. And then he had to go to Cargill Hospital.

And it was a whole thing. But the chickens were safe. Yes. Thank God for Shannon, our fun girl.