ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 29th February 2024

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; We had a surprise visitor, and a surprise package!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fletchbourne and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Now before we get to the flap We just want a couple of shout outs We've got a flapsident that we want to discuss I thought I was the only one who was prone to flapsidents

No Never forget the great cycle class incident of 2022 In which Fletch sat on a ball and I sat on a flap Almost at the same time Yeah The ball flaps it They're changing those bikes too Which I don't know is going to be good or bad for the flaps slash balls

More of a seat situation Before we get to the flaps it in Two little shout out thank yous You know the long time listeners of the podcast I'm talking years and years and years. The other day, there was a lady sitting outside the studio and I said, she looks to be having a good time. And she would occasionally look into the studio.

And then I walked out to go to the toilet for a reception here at work. And the same lady was there and she stood up and she stepped to me. So I knocked the bitch down. She stepped to me. You said, back it up, bitch. I was like, get out of me space, bitch.

She stepped to me and said, Vaughn. And I was like, hello. And she said, I'm Colleen, long-time listener of the show. And I was like, not you who only me, Colleen. And she said, one and the same. So she's been listening to the podcast for like ever. 15 years probably. You only mean shut up, Elaine!

That's what we used to say when she'd message in. Yeah. And she's an Australian. I think it might have been fuck off. I think I G-rated that. Wow. And she was just on a cruise around New Zealand. Around New Zealand.

She'd been all over. They called into Tamaki Makairo for a little viz. And she was like, I've got till 11 o'clock this morning. We were doing this sightseeing. I'm just going to try to find this studio. So she found it. Sat outside. Was listening on iHeartRadio.

I said she should have messaged. We would have invited her in. Yeah. We could have done a whole thing. And she, then just before she left, she's like, I got you guys something. And she went, everyone, producers included, a bottle of Verve Con Con. Verve Verve Verve

And she'd been Pulling that shit around She'd been hauling them in her backpack She had six bottles Of champagne So it was lovely to meet Colleen Thank you for coming in Have you guys drunk yours yet?

No No neither It's a special occasion wine It's a special occasion Yeah It's a noice So no doubt that'll last Until Hayley

Runs me dry on my alcohol trolley And she's like What are we going now? What have we got? I can make one of those cocktails, you know, the last cocktail I made on the cocktail special, that beautiful thing. I had Kahlua and tequila and that was about it. Yeah, that was good.

So thank you, Colleen. We really appreciate it. And it was lovely to meet you after all these years. It was lovely to meet Colleen. She was very lovely. And then we've received a package, and everybody benefits again. Jared! Jared!

Santa's dealing at doshing out gifts. You take Shannon. Yeah, we've each got like a little novelty cup. Do we have a novelty cup? Yeah. Tell them what's inside. Do we have a novelty cup? That's a spoiler alert.

Because I still might use my Puss in Boots cup that has Raleigh and he's got a hat on. There you go. Yeah, it's good stuff. I think they say different things. They do, yeah. Hayley, here's yours. Husha. Fletch, here's yours.

What does yours say? Mine says, I just want to touch your butt all the time. That's what my cup says. Mine says, you're my favorite cardio workout. Oh, sex positions. Is there missionary? Is there missionary? Yes, there is. Oh, that's a 69. You won't like that. cardio workout and then there's little stick figures is there missionary is there missionary ah yes

there is oh that's a 69 you won't like that no she's I'm pro 69 I'm pro 69 which by the way I've had so many people

message me I thought you were going to say which by the way since we talked about it I've had so many 69's I was like my brother I haven't clocked a single 69 since last week

we talked about this last week or when sex.life episode 1 launched yeah and Morgan said she wasn't a fan

of the 69 she prefers to be slung upside down and eaten out yeah which is the standing 69 except she won't engage in the penis

yeah I had no word of a lie probably 15 to 20 messages from people just being like who the fuck

wants a standy up 69 when a lie down 69 is an option? A lie down 69 is way better. How dare you be anti the 69? We're lazy 69. Yeah,

and so many people also just messaging saying they totally agreed with my rankings. Your rankings, yeah. My mug says, I'm an intelligent, classy,

well-educated girl who says fuck a lot. Yes. That's cool. So we all got a meme that perhaps this was from Emily. And it's got a raccoon on it. And I'm in my raccoon era.

You are. And the raccoon's doing rock and roll fingers. So where's Emily from? Emily says, a long-time listener and now a dedicated podcaster. Ding, ding, ding, ding. I love it. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Where's the bell?

As I live in China, I want to send a little token of appreciation for the podcast. Skip over compliments, skip over compliments. No, don't skip over compliments. Give me the card afterwards. I want to read them. Make me smile, skip over compliments as I walk the mean streets of Shanghai. Your gems of comedy, that's a compliment, skip that. Anything specifically for me, you skip and over?

Nope, I will let you know if it's specifically for you. All fluctuating levels of homesickness have been an elixir of happiness, as so has my heartfelt thanks. Here are some small gifts. That's so lovely. This should address the constant shortage in the shared kitchen, as I don't think Mike Hopkins. I like that she's right.

Yes. I wish you'd call him Hopkins from now on. Or Tony Street would be so bold as to steal these beauties. Enjoy and thanks. Love from Emily. P.S. Happy upcoming birthday. I've won. She sent this before my birthday P.P.S.

I'm not a past sexual conquest of Fletcher's even though she gave me the cup it's a world first and P.S. S.S.

I love you Hayley there you go she kind of got this in China I would have thought this sort of got your social ratings ranking

I would have put it absolutely stopped doing sexy novelty cups. But thank you so much for the guest. That's very much appreciated. Wonderful. Lovely. Really appreciate it.

Now, we must talk about the flap incident, now that we've got that out of the way. Yeah. Because the other day we were driving to a meeting after work in Hayley's car. It was the same drive where, if you listened to the show, Fletch stole a dollar and wouldn't let me steal the golf clubs. I didn't steal a dollar.

I found a dollar. Oh, my God. Do you know on the way, Fletch stole a dollar and wouldn't let me steal the golf clubs. I didn't steal a dollar. I found a dollar. Oh, my God. Do you know on the way to work this morning on my scooter, I thought I'd found $5. I love a $5 note. But it was, you know, the yellow packet of rollies? It was just one of those. I was like, that's worth more. That's worth more.

No, it was empty. Oh, stay crazy. Yeah, otherwise I would have brought it in for Jared to roll up. I don't know. What do you roll up? Remember when we found all those cigarettes on the floor when we went to a cafe after the show in front of the ciggy? Sent them to Jared.

Do you want these? That was hundreds of dollars. It was. Hundreds of dollars of wet road cigarettes. We're at an intersection, pulling out of the intersection by work, and the car in front of us has pulled out from the spark building over the road, and they've got all these e-cars. It's like when a, not an ev it's an ev yeah and

the guy doesn't realize but his ev flap is open and it's huge it's big flap it's bigger than a normal like car petrol flap right oh yeah it's huge like an a it was like the size of an a4 piece of paper would that be you've over done it you've shot overshot that you've overdone it there. You've shot overshot that. You've exaggerated. A5, A6. I'd say the area of an A5, but maybe not the same shape as an A5. Okay, let's go. Now, what about for an American listeners don't do A4, A5? What do they do? Fold a piece of printer paper in half. Yeah, okay, so half a printer paper.

Half a printer paper. Standard printer. What if it's a tiny printer? That's silly. They should know they've got a tiny printer. Essentially a Polaroid. Yeah, imagine a bigger printer. Okay, so it's an A5. That's silly. They should know they've got a tiny printer. Essentially a Polaroid. Yeah, imagine a bigger printer. Okay, so it's an A5 size flap.

Yeah. And we're just like, oh, look at this idiot. It's got his flap open, flapping in the wind. Yeah. And Bourne's like, well, I'll get out and shut it. Yeah. Like, you can't just go up to someone's car and shut their flap. You can't touch another man's flap.

We're also at a giveaway, not a light. So we're not at a guaranteed stop. No, that's why I hopped out. I said, do you think I've got time? So I hopped out and I ran up another man's flap. We're also at a giveaway, not a light. So we're not at a guaranteed stop. That's why I hopped out. I said, do you think I've got time? So I hopped out and I ran up and slammed his flap. And you slammed his flap and he didn't know what the hell was going on. He kind of looked at me like, who the fuck's touching my car? Like looking back.

But he didn't do like a thank you. No, he didn't. He didn't register that he had a problem and you were slapped flat. He just assumed you'd run past his car and maybe bumped it and banned it. But then he must have looked in the rear view mirror and seen me jumping in the car behind him. It's like when I see someone driving without lights on. I'll pull up alongside them and be like, lights, lights. Just because I'm a fucking asshole.

But I love doing it. Yeah, right. Okay. I love doing it. Or pulling up to someone when they've gone, woo, just a little woo. And you pull up and you see they're on their phone and they look at you and you're like. Yep, same. Don't go into my lane. Even though I'm planning on doing it Or pulling up to someone When they've gone Woo Just a little woo And you pull up And you see they're on their phone And they look at you And you're like Yep same Don't go into my lane

Even though I'm planning on doing it The very next minute Yeah yeah yeah I had to text everybody Just saying I just held somebody up For being on their phone While driving

And we're like What are you doing right now I'm on my phone and driving Yeah yeah Naughty boy But I'll shut a flap If you pull out of the picture session And you've got your flap open

And you stop beside me I'll shut your flap That's the kind of guy I am Just a free kind of service you run I don't know If it had started raining Would the water get in the The zappy holes

And ruin the car I'm sure it's fine I'm sure they've thought about that I'm sure they've thought about that Yeah It'd be quite a design flaw If they haven't thought about Huge design flaw

An open flap and water Yeah If you stuck a coat hanger Into a car's charging port Would you get a shock? Or would you get free power? Or, yeah, would you turn into a fireman? Would it recharge your phone?

Yeah, it'd be good. Should have your phone in there. Put your hand on your... It's got to be one of those ones with cordless charging. The magnet charges and then stick your finger in the thing and charge your phone. Could do. I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

Oh, well, shut your flaps today, guys.