ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 29th May, 2025

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; it's a spillover!! You reveal your medical false alarms...See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him, go and kill him. If you don't I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. From the ZM Podcast Network, it's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod and today

it's a spillover podcast from yesterday's Phone and Topic. When did you have a medical false alarm? I'm just scrolling back and in the machine we had a hot rockin show. Oh just so funny. God we love our audience so much. Yeah. They provide it. Okay here we go. Because we got onto this because a New Zealander shared on TikTok that he went to a specialist, a dermatologist and said, I've got a mole next to my anus. Between the cheeks. And, um, the, he looked and it's not there. So we were like, it was a, it was a speck of poo or a pap.

Or a pap. Had to be a little bit of poo. So we are, we, we, we took some text messages on it and there was no short of when you had a medical false alarm. No shortage. No shortage. No shorts of a medical false alarm.

No shorts on. Somebody said, almost exactly the same thing happened to me. It was a vivid marker. What? How did you? On my back. It was on their back. On their back.

Oh, it booked it somewhere. Oh my god, that's so black. And then they'd lent against a vivid marker. But wouldn't you feel and feel there was no rays on the lump? I don't know. No, because you can't reach so many parts of your back. And also, like, you can get those flat moles, you know, that are really sort of odd.

Yeah, that's my family specialty. Flat moles. Yeah, flat moles. Yeah, right, we're a protruding mole family. Ah, yeah, we're a flat mole. We'll do the odd protruding mole, but we're a flat mole family. Flat moles.

We recently had a round table kitchen, kitchen table discussion. Where your moles at? Me and my sister and all of our kids about the family trait of having flat moles and how you got to watch them. Okay. You got to watch them. And then my mum said about how when she used to somebody, she used to put baby oil on herself and we all said, don't listen to Nana. She's lost her mind. Oh, my mum didn't say.

She wasn't encouraging it. She wasn't encouraging it. Tummy cancer. Yeah. Somebody, some messages in, I thought I had a hemorrhoid infection, turns out I just had the flu. Oh.

Oh. Yeah. God, but fever-y. So it's still, you know, not as bad, thankfully, but you know, it'll go away. There's just so many people freaking out and just going straight to a doctor. I always freak out and give it a few days.

Oh no. You're saying you've got to make it, you know, especially guys, we don't want to go straight in. I self-diagnose. As I said, I got an ingrown hair swabbed the life out of. Check for everything. Eight and a half months pregnant, already been to the hospital once with a false labour and my water's broken.

The garage one night said to my husband, this is it. Drive up to that hospital. Midwife checked me out and said, nope, your water's haven't broken. You have pissed your pants. Pissed yourself. Oh my God. So off home you go resting easy in the fact that you are still pregnant and.

That's hilarious. I mean the baby would have just been pushing against your bladder, right? Yeah. And then you've. I mean I don't even know. I guess so. I guess so. I think so. I guess so.

I think pregnant people piss themselves constantly. I think the whole nine months. Yeah. I spent the weekend with my very new boyfriend and had an increasing pain in my stomach. I didn't want to satis. I didn't want to spoil the weekend. But once home Sunday, as soon as his car drove away, full panics and I was convinced I had a appendicitis.

So much pain rang the ambulance. They checked me over. They came out, checked me over. They were getting ready to take me to ED. And when I was lying down on their gurney, I did a huge fart, the paramedic laughed, and then I said, the pain's gone, and they said, I think you'll be fine now,

and I will never call the ambulance ever again in my life. And do you know why? Because new boyfriend, you don't wanna let out a fart? I remember the pain when I first started dating Aaron, and I would be like, bye, at the front door, after a couple of days, and you get into the Mitsubishi, boom, yeah, yeah, ba-ba-ba, and the pain would go away, and you're like, bye, the front door after a couple of days, and you get into the Mitsubishi, boom, yeah, yabababam, and the pain would go away,

and you're like, oh, thank God. Yeah, that poor Mitsubishi, you never resold that, it had to be burnt. No, no, spiritually it was always kind of fucked, yeah. Yeah. I had just had my second baby via C-section, and for weeks I was having foamy urine, and I was gonna die from some post-surgery issue.

Finally went to the doctor, they're like, no nothing's wrong, they ran all the tests, nothing wrong. Turns out, because I was unable to do the shop, my husband had bought a new toilet cleaning thingy that clipped to the toilet, because he was like, that's gonna be as if they cleaned the toilet.

And it was making it foam. Whenever I weed into it. It would have been clear, whatever it was, just clear. Toilet frothy, duck. Toilet frothy duck. A toilet frothy frothy. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Yeah, another one I had a workmate go to A&E for stomach pains, couldn't walk, they had him in a wheelchair, they did the thing where they picked him up on a bed and went one,

two, three, and as they put him down he started farting and didn't stop for 30 seconds and then the pain was gone. Oh, that's embarrassing. Love that. That's insane. Someone else found a lump underneath their bird, but they couldn't see it, went to the doctor, freaked out, it was a lolly.

Fuck off. That didn't happen. Fuck off, that didn't happen. Fuck off, that happened. It was a fruit tube. How long was that lolly under that big fat tit? And how could you not lift up, even if you've got massive boobs?

I mean, boobs get heavy. Did it squish a lolly? Is that real or are we being lied to? Surely that's urban legend, surely. I think so. Gotta be. Would you eat the lolly? Yeah, you give a rinse.

Yeah. Eat your titloll. My... Titloll. My son got an x-ray on his knee and they thought he'd fractured his patella. What is a patella? That's what I've got, the patella tendon

that runs down your knee. So it turns out he hasn't fractured anything. He is one of the 0.5% of the population with four kneecaps. What? What? Nothing wrong with him, no fracture. What the hell does that all look like? I guess is that just in half?

Bipartite patella. Yeah. I don't stand for apartheid. This is what South Africa did, isn't it? Yeah. Bipartite patella. Yeah. I don't stand for apartheid. This is what South Africa did, isn't it? Yeah. Bipartite patella. Right. No, that's just the patella. Okay, amazing.

Gosh. So two in each knee. Wow, that's incredible. Big knobbly knees. Do you reckon you'd have big knobbly camel knees? Are you camel-esque? Yeah. Well, so apparently you can, it's a unique anatomical feature that's believed to allow

people with this to r- to straighten their legs more quickly, helping them run faster. Oh, yeah, okay. That's amazing, isn't it? Okay. From Too Many Knee-Catch. Did you say neat? Neat. Yeah.

Neat. What a loser. Oh, neat. No, but he said, and then I don't think he made it almost a matter of clever pun. Neat. No, but he didn't mean to. No, he said it was an accidental pun. It was an accidental pun.

That is neat. Well, I like it too. I thought I'd lost my inner flaps. Your inner labia tucked away. Please tell me they just were pushed in. No, it's disappeared. Hold on, let me find that inner flaps. I'm just gonna search flaps.

Your flaps fall off, Om. I'm just gonna have to flaps. Here we go. You want me to read this out, but I thought I'd lost my inner flaps. We would have read that out. We would have, too. We totally would have.

I'm heading into menopause, and apparently you're not born with an alabia. They develop, and then they can fuck off during menopause. I made my husband cheer, and he said, they're still there, but they're definitely smaller. Retractable flaps! Retractable flaps! Like an airplane. What's that noise? I'm just retracting my flaps while landing. Kink kink. Dong. Kink kink. I had no idea we had retractable flaps. Who knew?

I found a lump in my armpit. That's a song, right? Retractable penis. Retractable penis. It's remu- Retractable penis. No, it's by Wayne, it was removable penis? No, it's retractable. No, it wasn't retractable.

Removable. Removable penis? I had a boyfriend that had a retractable penis. What do you mean retractable? His ball sack used to suck up inside of him. Really? His ball sack used to go up inside him? Yeah.

The whole sack or just the balls? The balls. Detachable Penis. It was Detachable Penis. Have you got a bit of the song there? Detachable Penis by King Missile. That's right, it wasn't Ween, but it sounded Ween-esque. Very Ween-adjacent. Ween-esque?

Yeah, this is definitely a... What's this, like, late 90s? I did not know this. It was on a Triple J compilation. Have you never heard this song? No. I think it's a bit of you, Sproul. Is it?

Yeah. It's really weird. Hit it. What? Thanks a lot. Hit it. They're about to hit it. Hit it.

They're about to hit it. Hey, look. This was the late 90s. There were no two minute songs. I can be a civil, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. Touchable penis. But now and then I'm at a little party, get drunk, and the next morning I can

Detachable penis. Remember what I did with it. I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was. That I didn't see either. I don't know, where do I take it off? Nah, it's the balls that get hurt when you're playing sports. The penis just kind of flats it out there.

Yeah, but if it clipped you in the dick, but missed your balls, it would still hurt. And the dick, it'd hurt. It'd hurt, yeah, absolutely. Pretty much gonna kick more than anyone. Retractable flaps. Yeah, retractable flaps. Who knew?

Who knew? Yeah. That's absolutely my pleasure. I thought the worst when I found a lump in my armpit. Turned out it was a third nipple with a little extra breast tissue. Oh! Wow!

Who knew? I went to a- Retractable nipples! Retractable sad nipples! Um... Okay, I can read it out. Sometimes the long ones, I'm like, mmm, this could lead us down a path. We're on a podcast. I went to the hospital when

I was pregnant and I was in so much pain I kept getting a weird feeling this was my 8th pregnancy, but I had miscarried all of the other some. So, I'm so sorry, I can see why you were panicked after what seemed like forever The doctor said is baby kicking with a mixture of farts So when the baby stopped kicking and then I somehow just let out this massive fart I was like relief And a little bit of embarrassment. I mean I can see why you went. Oh god Yeah, but so many people just turning up for farts I went to a doctor a dentist and a cancer specialist thinking I had tongue cancer

Only be told I've got a fat vein a fat tongue vein a fat tongue vein underneath Yeah, okay a fat tongue vein. What I think of when I think of fat vein. I worked as a nurse. Oh Hailey, please you're referring to that. Are you referring to the veins from the penis? I am referring to penis veins. We're on the podcast. What are your favorite veins? Forearm veins or penis veins? Oh fuck. Sophie's choice. Yeah. Oh god. I think the forearm veins, both you guys rock quite good forearm veins and it often confuses me.

Yours are underneath flesh, yours is always there under one. I could wrap it, I've got to the point where I'd probably shoot a pretty good heroin needle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that guy, head avid. I worked as a nurse and after I was surgery, a lady came in very concerned, her feet were turning black. I did notice that she walked in in brand new black

Birkenstocks to which I was like, have those been wet? Oh no, I'm trying to break in my Bir books at the moment and I wore socks in them yesterday No, they'll stay in socks. Still got a fucking blister. Ow! Yeah, um, detachable penis is finished. Detachable penis? I think we can probably leave it there. I think so. It was great.

That was mean. I had a mean time. Mean. That was neat. Mean. Hold on. Hold on. Went to the gyno. Prior to this, I wanted to clean myself. Got a tissue from my bag. Wiped. Went to the gyno. He was neat. Mean, hold on, hold on. Went to the gyno, prior to this one, I had to clean myself, got a tissue from my bag, wiped, went to the gyno, he was shocked, turned out that when I had got the tissue out of the, you know those temporary, I always call them funeral tissues.

You take like a little mini pack of tissues to a funeral and you can put them in a pocket. When I pulled it out, the sticker got stuck to it and when I wiped myself, the sticker had gone across the vagina. Kind of sealing it shut. You know when you get to a hotel and they've cleaned the toilet and they've proven by putting a seal over it. Yeah.

Kind of that thing. Oh my god that's so- He was shocked and he said is that okay if I took the take this off and then slowly peeled this tiny sticker off my vagina. Oh kill me. It actually literally ends my life. End my life. I cannot. Oh my god.