ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 2nd April, 2025

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; it's a spill over about terrible one night stand stories!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts

From the ZM Podcast Network It's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod and it's an overflow today from a phone-in topic How bad was the one night stand? What happened? Not the performance-wise. The wild things. I will say,

this is not for little ears. These ones, we were just like, to do this story justice, we can't dance around it. We've got to say the full words and it includes anal beads. I'll tell you that much.

What if you're a fully grown adult with little ears? You are welcome. You're welcome to listen. Mature ears. If you've got big ears, but you're prudish, adult with little ears. You are welcome. You're welcome to listen. Mature ears. Mature ears. No, but that's. If you've got big ears.

Okay. But you're prudish. Okay. Also, maybe not for you. Yes. But it's not the younger listeners or prudish ears. There's a spectrum to the show. Yeah, there is.

There's a spectrum. Sundays, we're just having lighthearted banter. Like today, when you said jizz after I mouthed the jizz. You said jizz. You said jizz. He said jizzing. He went, what about the jizzing? He went like that and he thought he mouthed it.

Jizzing. And he said jizzing. What about the jizzing? And then you said jizz.. He went, what about the jizzing? He went like that and he thought he mouthed it. Jizzing. And he said jizzing. What about the jizzing? And then you said jizz. And so that's what the listeners caught on to. Jizzing. Jizzing. You could have said jizzing.

But the air escaping your mouth completed the word. Yeah. Well, look. But yeah, I mean, we've got a whole spectrum of stuff on the show, you know. Okay. Worst comment on your school report. Laugh. Fun, fun, fun fun fun fun fun

sex stuff yeah we do a bit of that too and on air and then this is the one that's off air because it's so full-on i'm just going to start with this one because fuck it made me laugh okay hey team here's my horrible one night stand experience not appropriate to read out of here i don't think but i thought you guys might enjoy the lol so i invited a tinder boy over after a few wines. Thing got... Oh, Vaughn, get it together. Come on, spit it out. Thing's got heated in the bedroom. That's about what's to happen. Thing's got heated in the bedroom,

and I told him to insert my anal beads. Huh? Please tell me he put them in himself. So he did. No, no, no, no. So he did. Oh, fuck off. He Beybladed me.

No! If you're not familiar with Beyblades, they were a spinning top. And you pulled that. And you ripped it out of his crosshairs. So he Beybladed me. He Beybladed them out of his As fast as possible And the

The absolute worst thing ever It caused a vacuum effect And my shit went everywhere Yeah 100% Vaughn Leave that out Over him

Over the bed And sprayed on the wall Sprayed on the wall It was a Fuck off Oh my god Oh my god You just don't and sprayed on the wall. Sprayed on the wall! That was a real big hit. Fuck off. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You just don't... I didn't even think that should be for the podcast. No, that came in this morning at 7.10 a.m. Could you imagine where I go? Oh, they're going to love this one. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. I was at anal beach.

It ripped out of me so fast. It created a vacuum. I mean, I personally don't think we're going to beat it, but preparation. Preparation. Preparation stations. Oh, my God. But don't go yanking those fast out. I tell you, we've got some classy female lists.

I assume that's female. Yeah, that's true. There was like an autobain. It might have been, but. Okay, so this one's definitely female. Oh, God. You've got's definitely female. Oh God. You've got the giggles, haven't you? He's got the giggles.

I had a one night stand and I was too drunk to produce a slippery tunnel. Oh fuck. I know I read this one. No, no, no. Go again. Go again. Okay. This is my practice for when we do improv

and I can't break character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And action. I had a one-night stand and was too drunk to produce a slippery tunnel. You're doing so good. Not going to break.

I thought during, oh, no, I've got my period, but it turns out I've broken his banjo string. Oh, no. Being too dry, not enough. Blood everywhere. All through his car. It was in a car. His car.

Oh, no. I was going to have to take that to a cafe. Try to explain that to Matthew Ridge. Far out. And Ridge is like, we couldn't get the blood out of your home record seat. I don't know what happened in there. They say, but I learned my lesson.

Don't rush the gush. Far out. I've never heard Don't rush the gush. Far out. I've never heard don't rush the gush. Don't rush the gush. Jesus. Oh, my God. I've never had a banjo string bang. It's holding you here for a second.

It is. Now we're laughing so much. Holy shit. I mean, I'm having best time with my best friends. I've never had a banjo string incident, but I had a friend that his broke, snapped. And apparently it is blood like you've never known. I had a friend that his broke snapped and apparently it is. Yeah. I had a flatmate.

Yeah. I had to go to A&E. Yeah. Not good. Just get circumcised. Just get lube. Get fucking lube. I'm so sorry.

No, don't get circumcised. It's a lifetime of moisturizer and lube. I don't know. I'm coming around to the idea. You'll be back. You'll be back. You'll be back.'ll be back You'll be back They all come back They all come back

To the foreskin eventually Right We've only got through two How funny is that There was this one guy I don't think I mean I said last time We're not going to beat that

And then I had a great time On that text about the banjo string Don't rush the gush Don't rush the gush Hashtag don't rush the gush Put that on a horse Are we putting that on a horse I think we could put that On a horse Motivational calendar Hashtag don't rush the gush I hope't rush the gush. Hashtag don't rush the gush. Put that on a horse? Are we putting that on a horse? I think we could put that on a horse.

Motivational calendar, yeah. Hashtag don't rush the gush. I hope everyone's enjoying their motivational calendars this year. There's this one guy that we always end up hooking up when either of us are freshly single. He just broke up with his girlfriend, so naturally I went over. She showed up at 5 a.m. banging on the door in hysterics. I quickly grabbed my things, went on the balcony and jumped off the railing onto a parked van underneath, slid down the windscreen and ran to my car like a fucking action hero.

Oh, that's hot stuff. I love that. Squeak! I imagine I'd try to do that thinking I was cool, but get a window wiper stuck in my leg. Oh, yes. I'd scrape my shin and be like. Or, you know, when she jumps and slides down the windscreen, she leads a bloody slug train. Oh, God, yeah.

Well, don't rush the gush. She didn't rush the gush. She didn't rush the gush. God. My sister met a hot guy out one night, had a great time when they woke up and said each other's names. They were mortified when we realized he's our second cousin who moved to Australia when he was young. Not sending my name because she and I have not common names and people would definitely know it was us. Oh, no.

But total shame. But, like, legal, right legal right your cousin's fine great grandmother in common great grandfather that's fine it's okay it's not ideal i've got very good looking second cousins but i wouldn't sleep with them yeah i've got a good looking second cousin as well and i and i remember seeing him at the marae once and being like fuck well i'm glad i've seen your face here oh because he lived in wellington and i was like oh my god i would have guys looked up at you from down the bush i would have been like i don't know this podcast has made me go funny hey i'm from there too i'm from there wait ah okay uh long story short tinder date stopped halfway through the you know what to vomit a I'm from there. Wait, there's only one family from there. Wait, wait, wait, there's only one for right there. Okay.

Long story short, Tinder date stopped halfway through the you-know-what to vomit a bucket beside his bed. Turns out he had a stomach bug that week. You like swimming in a public pool. You shouldn't have sex if you've had diarrhoea or an asthma. That's what guys are like. They're like, I'm finally getting some. Oh, I'm sick. Oh, well.

But wouldn't you, with the force of ejaculation, wouldn't your butt release a little bit? Could. I'd be too nervous. Could. You'd lose the clench. You could clog yourself up with some anti-diarrheas. Yeah, some ammonias.

You could. I'll put a tampon in there, I guess. That's not what guys do. That would be so weird to see a guy with a little tail. A little straight. And then you just bloody rip it out with a Beyblade, baby!