ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 2nd January 2024

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; we discuss the mistakes made in the early-stages of your sexual history!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bitter Pod Enjoy a refreshing McCafe iced coffee available only from Macca's Great things are brewing Welcome to A Little Bitter Pod And today it's an anonymous question that we asked you on Instagram It gets spicy, it gets spicy Like hot spicy Indian spicy

So if your mum's in the car and she can't handle white pepper This might not be for her Or maybe she can listen to it pepper, this might not be for her. Or maybe she can listen to it by herself. Definitely not for little ears. No. In today's Little Bit of Pod, we asked you an anonymous question on our Instagram story after a meme that producer Jared sent to the group. We thought this is very funny.

This would be a great topic for just a little bit of pod that's podcast only and a little risque. Yeah. And it is, what is the biggest sex mistake you've ever made? Yeah. What was the meme again? It was Jared sent a meme to the group and we were all just like, oh, that's good stuff. It was a girl saying that the first time she had sex,

the guy told her to arch her back and she arched it the wrong way. So obviously arch her, pushing the breasts forward. And she went, like a went, like, hunchback. Like a dog. Did you see a dog humping? Did we, years and years ago, this is going back. Do you remember? I know exactly what you're going to say.

Yes. And it is absolutely, we said, what would you tell your 16-year-old self? We did a fun. If you could talk to your 16-year-old self, what would you say? And a guy whose name was, I figured his name started with C. I want to say Callum, but that's one of my best mates. We'll say something that he would have done. Absolutely. He said, if I could

say something to my 16 year old South, it was the balls don't go inside the condom. And the way he told the story, it was just this crescendo. He was tucking everything in. So you put it on like a little hat and you're rolling it down the shaft, and then what?

You're thumbing in the test tube. Yeah, maybe roll a bit down and thumb in the balls. Like putting a new rubbish bag in the bin. Nice and tight. Which is actually, I'll admit to a sex mistake the first time I was having sex. I unrolled the entire condom. And then tried to bag it on. Tried to get the penis in there like it was a sleeping bag.

No. It is like thumbing in a sleeping bag, isn't it? Did you not get sex ed at school and put a conning on a banana? It was a long time between fourth form sex ed and when I finally had sex. And it was a lot. It was all going on. We had a kauri or rimu penis. It was a beautifully

sculpted. And I think it had a traditional Maori blessing as well. It may have done, yeah. They'd given it a full wayata. And it had so many- A matua. A matua had carved the veins. Yes.

Using the ancient techniques. Well, yeah, and because she'd rolled, she'd gone around all the schools and done this so many times, it was glistening in like condom load. Polished. Yeah. Oiled. Wow.

Well oiled. Yep. Good God. All right, here we go. Sex mistakes. And these are the ones that haunt you in the middle of the night when you wake up. Mine was the first time I gave a hand job. I just sort of like played with it for a bit and was like, there you go.

And he was like, nope. Now it just hurts. He's all built up, all pent up, ready to go. Thank you for telling me that. It was a real teaching moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to delve into your encyclopedia of sexual misadventures? No, I'm all good, I'm all good, yeah.

All right, cool. On to the listeners. When to smack my wifey's ass, missed, and cracked myself in the balls. Oh, my, oh, so he's there. He's behind. And he goes to slam a shoe in his foot and he's like, crack. Oh! I love that, I love that.

I love that. Your biggest sex mistakes. I slept with someone for rent money and then lost the money. Oh, so you're going a mistake as in a regretful mistake. I've made a regret. Not what were you doing wrong this whole time. Someone else said my sex mistake is I did a ross from friends and had sex with someone else when I was assured we were on a break. Oh, yeah.

So the interpretation of this question is broad, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, broad. My biggest sex mistake I've made during was gambling on a fart. Oh, no. Oh, shit. Now, I cannot see. I cannot see. And I don't know if Shannon saved this,

but it makes a massive difference if this was a guy or a girl. Yeah, it does. In my opinion, it makes a massive difference. If he shits himself. That's a hole that's being utilised, isn't it? Oh, you mean if it was two men? Yeah, if it was two men. Okay, so then if we find out if it's a man,

then you ask, was this man with a man or was this man with a woman? Yeah, but it could almost be more forgivable because that's being used. Oh, I know many, many man-on-man accidental shit stories. Yeah, for sure. Why do you know so many?

I don't know. Friends are just telling me. I don't think I'd ever admit that. Okay. I have one friend of mine, anonymous. Yeah. Here we go. No, no, no.

I accidentally, when I was moving my computer, clicked to the next one, and the next one's a doozy, but please, you're the first. My friend just was, I don't know how he got, why he was up there, but picture the position in your own mind, but he farted on her chest, and it was so embarrassing that he ran out of the room.

Yeah, you would. It's a man. Less forgivable. It's more forgivable. So he shat himself. Bala was this man with a man, It's more forgivable. So he shit himself. Bala was this man with a man. Because if this man was with a woman, and he shits himself. That sucks.

Yeah. I didn't even know what I was doing. It also depends on what act they were at, too. Yes, it does. Okay, next one. Not listening to my own gag reflex and vomiting all over a penis. For God's sake. All over.

Oh, that sucks. Wow. I know someone that's happened to, yeah. Oh, my God. All right. My biggest sex mistake using Having a one night stand And using the withdrawal method Sounds a bit like

Someone's got a baby Sounds like someone's got a baby now Reminder of that Yeah Yeah Oh my god I once pegged Why are your eyes watering?

You're about to hear You're about to find out He's so missionary And plain and white Isn't he? I know I mean I'm a missionary woman But

Look I don't even know if The most exotic amongst us Wouldn't have an eye watering After this I once pe'm a missionary woman Look, I don't even know if The most exotic amongst us Wouldn't have an eye watering after this I once pegged a man who requested an extremely large Dildo Dildo It is a dildo

Pass me the dildo Injury ensued I didn't see him again Injury ensued He requested an extremely large... Yeah. Did his anus rip? That's... but no. You can't just jump into that. You've got to work up

to it. And everybody's idea of extremely large is different. Yeah, that's true. Isn't it? Jesus. We do this radio show all the time. These people are listening. Ha ha ha. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckles. What did you learn to help your partner out? I learned to shape their brows.

All the while, someone's sitting there being like, can't wait till they ask a story about fucking some guy with an extremely large doodle,

because boy, if I got a story for them. And here they are. Sitting on these darters. They're coming out in the droves.

I love it. Everybody loves it. I do too. I love that people are open about it. Oh, me too, me too.

Because we're not here to yuck anyone's yuck. sex is funny. And I hope nobody, you know, who listens to the standard fair podcast of the radio program is just like,

too shocked and disturbed. Yeah, I listened to a podcast the other day about, have you heard of the podcast Anonymous Beautiful? No. Anonymous people, and they call up and they've got an hour and they can say anything. And then after the hour, the phone just hangs up on them and that's it. They get to where they go. It's all these different stories.

And one of them was a guy who had a diaper fetish. Nothing to do with like child or anything like that. And he talked about it for like the whole hour about the misunderstandings. And the guy said the same thing. Like, oh, my head are yucky yum. Yeah, okay. Good for you. Good.

Now that's why I'm wearing one. My goodness, mate. We've got more messages in your sex mistakes. Anal's come up a few times. About the next three in a row. There's work to be done to get into there. My sex mistake was turning up way too drunk and being vomited sick 60 seconds in.

He was sober. Oh, yeah. That's not a good match No Yeah We've all been there We've all been there It's a shambles

You were nervous You had a few too many drinks Yeah God Having unprotected sex With a trusted Friends with benefits And getting herpes from him

Oh wow Head that he never disclosed Oh Okay Oh That would Yeah Yeah

My sex mistake Was having pity sex with a guy Who turned out having a very, very small penis The smallest size condom was still loose Could you pack it in with something? You pack your balls in the back there Sort of anchor it down Tuck your balls in the back Tuck your balls in the back

Like putting a rock on your tent If the wind's getting up Yeah It'll stop it blowing away Sex with my flatmate's boyfriend in their bed while my other friend was in the bed passed out oops oopsies i've been in a bed when oh no i won't move on right wait what what but you know when you're young and you're not you can't have sex at home and then you're all out things happen um saying somebody else's name

during would be my suggestion. Someone said, I honestly thought it never happened. I was like, whenever it happened on TV and movies, lies. It's all happened to me. He asked me to scratch down his back. So I ran my fingers down his back. He said harder. So then I scratched him real hard down the back

and he just started bleeding profusely. Did you nick a mole? Did you nick a mole? You've done it. You've nicked a mole. Mole removal. Oh, you feel it, and it'd have a little bit of a, and you'd be like, oh, oh, yep, you've

nicked a mole. And there will be so much blood. So much blood when you nick a mole. You know when you, you'd know you as a head shaker, it's just the tiniest cut. A little bum pain. Bleeds and bleeds and bleeds. It's all out. This is the last one.

The police showed up because my Apple Watch dialed 111 because it thought I had a nasty fall when I was being absolutely seen to against the wall. Oh, hot. Oh, my God. Hot against the wall. How many times that happens? Yeah, I know. Yeah. What about loud environment?

If you stay in this environment for more than 30 minutes, you will sustain hearing loss. Anyway, that's today's anonymous question. Yeah, anonymous question. What's the biggest sex mistake you've ever made?