ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 2nd May 2024

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Vaughan continues some of the texts we didn't have time for, during our "What did you Hide from your Parents?" Phoner!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bitter Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bitter Pod and some left, some spillover Yeah, a little bit Today Some leftovers If you've listened to The Big Pod

What did you hide from your parents? So many, I love when we do this because we get so many responses It's good to just, I don't know What you're saying is it's two for the price of one. Two for the price of one. Two birds, one stone. We should call this the show muffin top. Spilling over.

Yeah. The spill overs, the goodies. The muffin tops, often the yummiest part of the muffin. I find that. And the woman. Oh, yeah. What? I don't know.

I don't know. Something has awakened in me. So we're talking about what you've heard from your parents, Oh, yeah. What? I don't know. Something has awakened in me. So we're talking about what you've heard from your parents, what you didn't tell them. If I repeat any, I'm tired, so just tell me. You are tired. Have you been sleeping well?

Nah. Did you get a bit of sleep last night? Nah. Would you describe it as poor? Poor sleep. Yeah. Poor sleep. I would describe it as interrupted sleep. I would describe it as inconsistent sleeped sleep I would describe it as

Inconsistent sleep My brain will be like Hey it's 2am Have you thought about this lately You son of a bitch I was asleep Someone said I hid from my mum I went to South Africa

I hid something from my mum I went to South Africa with mum for two months, and I hid my full-time vaping habit the whole time. Oh, my God. I just thought South Africa smelled like blueberries. Grapes. Grapes. Grapes and candy floss.

Literally whatever you want it to smell like. My middle name was my dad's name. We don't have the best relationship, so when I was due to graduate university, I changed my name legally to remove my middle name so that it don't have the best relationship, so when I was due to graduate university, I changed my name legally to remove my middle name so that it didn't appear on my degree certificates. Oh. Still hiding it.

Oh, wow. Fair enough. Can you just ask them not to put your middle name? No, it's your legal name. Is it? Yeah. They're not like Hales or Sprowley on my degree. You can be like H Sproul or Hayley Sproul. It's your legal name.

Okay. I was in a different religion relationship, and I converted to his religion but didn't tell my parents. It's been eight years, still haven't told them. Oh, my God. Maybe they're like Catholic and he's like Muslim or like. But then Catholics love bacon and pork brunette. And the Islamic world don't, do they?

So when mum's serving up some of her absolutely delicious apricot pork chops... What are we going to do? She's going to be wondering why you're not absolutely tucking into them. Apricot on meat. Interesting. Yeah, chicken apricot. Yeah, it works. It sounds silly, but it does work.

I've had it. I'm not a fan. Apricot chicken. Yeah, I'm not a fan. You're not a fan of that? The sweet apricot would look good. Yeah, I'm not a fan. Whatricot chicken. Yeah, I'm not a fan. You're not a fan of that? The sweet apricot was like that? Yeah, I'm not a fan. What a dick.

Wow. Cool insult. This dick doesn't like apricot chicken. That's crazy. I hid my tattoos from my very traditional parents for five years. It got to the extent that I had a whole arm sleeve until one day I was just like, F it, and told them. Mum said they already knew.

Yeah, you don't hide it. I've been wearing a sweatshirt all summer for no reason. Yeah, they were probably like, he's wearing a sweatshirt, it's 32 degrees. Yeah, he's caught, he'll be hot. Yeah. We should leave off the hot. The announcing under there.

It's right. You know what? Let him suffer because of those stupid bloody tattoos he got. I became a New Zealand citizen during COVID and I didn't tell my parents and I'm still hiding the fact now that I'm a New Zealand citizen. Why would they hate that? I messaged this person

back saying what nationality were you from that they would have been so upset? Australia? No they didn't. Australia? Yeah maybe. Because there is a feeling that we get upset. My brother's not an Australian citizen even though he's lived there for like 14 years.

I feel that when I know it's choking up here. Oh my God, he's very emotional. We finally got him. No, I just swallowed wrong. It was immigration that got him. It finally melted his cold robot heart. But I'm like that when Kiwis get Australian citizens.

I'm like, you fucking assholes. My friend just did it. She was like, my kids were born here. And I was like, I don't give a shit, you traitor. Yeah. It's fucking rough. Like, be a British citizen or whatever. Yeah, don't do Australia.

That seems about right. Yeah, he would. You Australian piece of shit. Bloody Australians. My now husband and I got married at the registry office in Auckland and told my parents a week later they were not happy at all. Oh, yeah. Parents don't like that.

My sister was so upset she demoted me from being her maid of honour to just a guest at her wedding. Oh, wow. Yeah. Take that. And she just wouldn't get over it. I bought her husband, so her husband bought her a puppy to make her happy. Why not?

Classic distraction tool there. I bought a motorbike in year 11 And hid it from my parents for 5 years Kept it at a mates place Oh my god You be safe on that motorcycle please No year 11 you were like 15 Turning 16 at the end of it They only found out when I came home

And my knee was in a brace because I'd fallen off said motorbike And that's why you be careful on those things I dropped out of uni And I was too scared to tell my parents So I made it a fake diploma And a transcript What's a transcript? Like the thing saying

Congratulations you've achieved The Whatever Didn't get one of those At drama school I eventually went back And actually got a degree But it had been 10 years

And they still think Now I have two degrees Mum's telling her friends Oh my little Timmy's Got two degrees Yes he did too He's a smart boy He's a double genius

Yes I'm 37 and I've bought a jet ski I can't tell my parents They'll lose their shit How embarrassing You buy one of those And you use it three times No

Hire them If you want to have a little go Hire one Unless you're on that thing every day Unless you're jet skiing at work Waste of money Which you could I could up the river

You could jet ski up the river. I'd love to see you put your jet ski in at 4am. Where I live, that river is low most of the time. Your message was, I can't come to work today. Low tide. Low tide. Yes, low tide, guys. Get in your car. Well, I've got the jet ski now.

I sold the car. Because if you guys told me I could jet ski to work every day. I'm stuck in the mud. You have to come get me. I heard from my strict Catholic family that my lesbian lover and I got married. Later hit our first pregnancy. Shed that one. We shed that one.

Oh, did we shed that one? You shed that one. Dumb motherfucker. I'm a fucking idiot. What a fucking loser. I love absolutely losing. I used to be. I used to be a fucking idiot. What have you done? I used to be a fucking idiot. What have you done?

I used to be a full-time. We'll stop you there, Norma, because we share that. You fucking idiot. Please be genuine, mate. What's in his rocks? No, what's in his head? What's in your head? Fucking idiot.

Rocks. Couple of rock heads over here. Oh, and a couple of fucking idiots. I used to be a full time smoker of cigarettes. Oh gosh. I never told my

parents I was too scared to see their faces if they found out I smoked. I was the good daughter and my sister was the naughty one.

To this day they still make comments about how I've never been the one to smoke or do anything bad when my sister was the naughty one.

I'm going to take the secret to the grave. How did they not smell it? I like that that's the worst thing that you could be a smoker. A sm where my sister was the naughty one oh i'm gonna take the secret to the grave how did they not smell it i think that's the worst thing that you could be a smoker a smoker yes yes my god she's a smoker i changed my last name it was hyphenated i dropped the second part of the hyphenated name when i was 18 and now i'm 29 and my dad doesn't know oh wow we got married in level four lockdown didn't tell them for ages afterwards christ it was a massive drama when

we finally told them my because like you know elopement's always been on the cards for me but my parents would be so upset if I didn't tell them

yeah they would they would be devastated and that's why Vaughn and I are supporting you with your wedding and we're booked flights by being there yeah

you invited us kindly and of course we'll be there that's us that's us to a T that's us when my friend was 20 she had the whole pregnancy from her parents and didn't tell them until the day the baby was born.

Oh, God. Second pregnancy, she didn't tell them until she was six months pregnant. What the hell? That's crazy. Nutso. That's the end. That's the end. That's the end of the overflow for today's little bit of time.

Do you know what? I really enjoyed this so much. I cannot wait for this to come out I'm going to listen to it just to hear Fletch yelling at you you dumb motherfucker