ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 6th April 2026

Episode Date: April 5, 2026

Just Between Us... Have you ever committed a petty crime?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From the ZDEM Podcast Network, it's Fletchpawn and Haley's Little Bit of Pod. The following little bit of pod may content course language. Sexual tem and content inappropriate for young Listernae. Listener discretion is advised. Little bit of pod. Lichtenal discretion is advised. French today? That was not French at all.

That was just a French accent. Yeah, well, it is a French accent. Yeah, it's AI. Look, it's not there yet. Okay. Today, the big pod of... Obviously on holiday break and we'll be back with the big pod

on the live show Monday the 13th of April. April! But today, just between us, a question we ask on our Instagram and these are anonymous responses. What petty crime have you committed this day? It's just between us in the pod. Like that time, you had an avocado in your hoodie pocket

and you got to pay for it. You got to pay for it. And then that supermarket burnt down. Yeah. Cursed. Cursed. You got a hex on it. Your theft.

It was like 17 years later, but sure, yeah. It was definitely me. What petty crime have committed. My cousin got professional photos done and I voted for a different family and won the comp. Is that a petty crime? I love that.

So it was one of those like, you know, like judge which family's going to get the free photos? Yeah, I think so. You didn't vote for your own family. I didn't vote for your own family. I mean, that's not a crime, but it's funny. It's bloody petty. It's petty.

Very petty. At self-checkout, I put a red onion through as a brown onion half the price. We've got Al Capone on our hands over here. I would never... Again, we're not encouraging this. That's actually criminal behaviour. That's criminal.

That's criminal. When I was five, I broke a Princess Diana plate at Briscoes and we're doing under the shelf. No one knows. Now we've got Princess Diane's studio. I've sent their financial results. He's doing okay. Are they? Yeah, they are.

They are doing okay. Well, that's good to hear. Let's not mention it then. That's good to hear. But Princess Diana are in studio with us, of course. All right. Sorry to hear about the plate. Cheers to you.

Cheers to you, Princess Dye. I slashed the next friend's tires. Now I'll tell you, that's not so much petty as criminal damage Yeah, is it? But also like, I never understand what people are thinking there. Like, you're always the number one suspect. Yeah, but it's, it's, you're trying to create the biggest hassle in their day. Yeah.

And like having Slash Tyre sucks. But slash, excuse me, I'm yawning. I'm not, I'm not going to, are you bored? No, I didn't get outside and get any fresh air between the end of the show and the start of this. You guys went for a little quick walk to the CISD. That's why we were rejuvenated. Yeah, I need some more oxygen. I slashed an extra in.

But also, slashing no good. They notice it immediately. Yeah. Slow leaks the truth. Yes, a screw. Slowly. Yeah, because who's going to, you know, think it's sabotage when all four slowly go down at once? Yeah, yeah, yeah, or the matching screws from bummed.

I suspect, I sometimes claim lunch receipts that weren't even business lunches. Just go through the bin at wherever. I would never. I'm glad we discussed that book, the three of us. We're going to write on Friday night. Yeah. Tax season. When I resigned from my job four years ago, not amically, by the way.

I rated the stationary cover. Yeah, if you're going to fire me, I'm getting some post-it notes on the way out. I'm actually going to do a petty crime today. What are you going to do? I need to print some things, and I don't have any printing paper at horror. I'm going to steal a ream. You're selling a whole rain. I'm going to take a whole rain.

I just sort of said I'm going to print something at work. No, I'm stealing a rain. I've got my own damn printer. Wow. Wow. It must be nice to have a home printer She's doing a right for a shelf She is doing a right for herself

I'm doing a right She tops up the ink and everything I beat your magenta's low though It's chronically low Chronically low Chon's a cyan Cyan's abundant Yeah

Magenta just gets honed Self checkouts Orange is the cheaper The mandarin's Oh again It's not to be encouraged I stole a banana and pyjamas key ring

From the $2 shop When I was 16 years old I felt very naughty Yeah 16 I thought this was gonna say six But Yeah what did you want that for

You want bananas and pajamas at that age for? I drove a car into a river in Australia to dispose of it. Okay. I mean, is that cheaper than... What? To dispose of the car that drove it into a river in Australia. It was like crocodiles and shit. Who was in it?

I don't think they were in it. Did you get out of it? Oh, in my mind they put something on like a brick on the accelerator. Oh, yeah, great idea. Which is also on my bucket list to do. Like, drive a car. So you've got the car on and then handbrake off, and then you just chuck a brick on the accelerator. whack it into park or drive or whatever

and it drives itself into the... That's badass. That's badass. And terrible and we don't... Does a brick... Can the brick drive manual? No. Brick shift?

Can the brick drive? No, the brick can't drive. Okay. Okay, so this only works if you're getting rid of an automatic. Okay. I wonder if the, how the brick was doing the... I reckon if it was a manual, you'd get the steering wheel straight and you'd take it up the top of a hill.

Yeah, right. So it rolled itself down, check it in neutral and a way you go. I made apps to play competitive games of who wants to be a millionaire you're in of won $5,000. You made apps to play competitive games for once in money. Wait, to like online gambling and that actually get paid out. That's incredible.

But they made an app. Make your money, man. I used to steal $2 coins from the cash draw at work to buy a drink from the vending machine. Okay. That's stealing. It all adds up. It does.

It does. I keyed my ex's car when he dumped me to get back with his ex. Keyed it. Keyed it. Again, you're the number one suspect. You've got to do it. Um, 19 months later, when you're not the number one suspect. Yes, revenge is a dish, best serve cold.

But you're still holding on to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hurt me so long ago, you're being keyed. You're all raging with the heat of hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked out of a store, a store wearing a scarf I did not pay for. I did not mean to, but I did not go back. Oh, goodness, okay.

Can't go back. A scarf. Uh, we asked what petty crimes you have committed. I paid for one paper shopping bag at the south serve, but took two. Oh, okay. You're a monster. Also, those keep going up in. I was just gonna say.

I was just gonna say. I was fucking $9 now. How much do they actually buy those in bulk for? Like, they should sell them to us for five cents. Nothing. They should, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shekey fuckers. Now, somebody messaged in, allegedly I eagged my principal's house.

Now, I will say that's allegedly. Yeah, well, that's a petty crime. That's very much a petty crime. What's the, is it the statute of limitations? Not a thing. Surely you've aged out? Yeah, not a thing in New Zealand. Isn't it?

No. Isn't it? Shit. No, I don't believe so, Vaugh. I wonder I think it's an American thing, Statute of Limitations. I was a teen crim. I was going to say Haley was hoping Statute of Limitations was two weeks. So at the time this is, she will have stolen that paper,

and she will be like, well, you can't get me. It was too long. Yeah, exactly. Sorry, statute of limitations. Well, those are your petty crimes, you petty little criminals.