ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 6th May 2024

Episode Date: May 5, 2024

On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Producer Jared has been cut to ribbons! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Fleshborn and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod Great things are brewing at McCafe The perfect start to every day Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod Now, producer Gerard Is it Ger- is it Ger-rod? No, it's Ger-ree Ger-ree

No, it's Ger-rod, I think Ger-rod You don't like Ger-rods, do you? Nah, I'm not a fan Whenever I see a Ger-rod with an O and an A, you're like, you've cocked that up We've, uh, in my gaming group, there an A, you're like, you've cocked that up. In my gaming group, there's me, Jared, and a Jarrod. So when we play games together, he's Rod.

Rod and Red. Rod and Red. I think it would go Jared, Jarad, Jarrod for me. J-A-R-R-O-D is the worst. We've got a friend who's a Jared, and that's Aaron's middle name as well, patron saint of all boys. I went to radio school with a Jared R-R-Y-D

I wouldn't even consider that as a vowel I reckon their parents are trash If you have a Y anywhere in your name If you've got a Y I've got two and a Y in the middle of Jane I've got three Your name should be spout J-A-N-E is the Jane Yes I know.

The wise show off. Yep. Craig thought it looked nice. Hayley should be spout H-A-I-L-E-E. That's trash. That's trash. Now, Jared, you've found yourself the custodian of a small cat. Yes, his name's Cosmo. We're looking after him for a couple

months. He's pretty cool. Big call to look after a puss for two or three months Yeah look It wasn't my call No it wasn't Because you're a bit Of a sneezy weezy Aren't you

Yeah I've got a mild Cat allergy So I'm having a great time Okay and so what The middie's like Hey we've got to Look after this cat Who's cat

Why did this happen How did this happen Also you don't look After cats And have them at your house It's so weird Yeah Her friend Ashley Show listener Big fan Okay And her partner Are moving to Aussie How did this happen? Also, you don't look after cats and have them at your house. It's so weird. Her friend Ashley, show listener, big fan,

and her partner are moving to Aussie. Ashley with a Y? Is it A-S-H? Actually don't know. Well, you don't know how to spell her name. A-S-H-L-E-Y, that's how Ashley's spelled. Or A-S-H-L-E-I-G-H. Well, big list. That's a classy one.

E-Y. E-Y. That's all right, We'll accept it. Don't drop the E before the Y, Ashleys. Otherwise, you're looking Ashla. Ashla. Ashla. Ashla.

Ashla. Yeah. Okay. And so she's gone away. Yeah. So they're like moving. Where is she? They're moving to Aussie.

Right. And so like they've got a lot of stuff to sort out over there. So we're just going to hold Cosmo for a while. But you're going to post her the cat when she's settled. I posted the cat. It's so weird. I'm real stressed about it, actually. Yeah. Posting the cat. Well, you just

don't, this is what I, when we moved from Wellington to Auckland, we put Raleigh on a plane and he's a very anxious cat and we said to the vet some people, you know, give them a bit of a sedative and they said don't do that because people, you know, give them a bit of a sedative, and they said, don't do that, because they'll panic so much,

and then you give them a sedative that often they die. Really? And then imagine getting mad. Imagine going to pick up your cat in a cage at the airport, and it's just like, meh. Yeah. That's brutal. So don't sedate it. Don't be like, hey, I did you a favour and I sedated your cat.

Do I feed it? Do I put food in the box? Okay, cool. Who else is gonna do it i don't know i thought there might be an airport guy who just kind of like the person that looks up the under company miners oh yeah no no no and then okay so you but so you've got this cat for another few months yeah um i've don't have much experience with cats um and because he has to stay inside for x amount of weeks, we can't let him outside because he'll run away.

This is horseshit. Bit of butter on the paws outside. No, you can't do that. Bit of butter on the paws outside. It's a kitten, right? No, no, no. He's like two or three. He's an actual cat. The minute you open that door, he's going back to where he came from anyway. You'll never see him again.

Unless he loves being there. Sprinkle his poops around. I'm not going to do that. I don't think that's a thing, is it? No, you do. When you go outside, you take some of their kiddie litter, if you can, a bit of their shit, and you sprinkle it around your yard. And then it smells like them.

And it's like, oh, this is my yard. Maybe I'll do that. But he's taken to looking out the window because he can't be outside and he loves being outside. Oh, my God. Major Murray. Yeah, but he's never- Your kid's suicidal. No, he's never been outside, so he doesn't know how good it is.

No, but you live on the fourth floor of an apartment building and he has his windows wide open and Mars is like half hanging out. He's going to jump. Mars is like a kid born in a fallout shelter. He knows there's an outside world and he can't go outside because of the radiation. Okie dokie. So I wanted to see what Cosmo was looking at. So I was like, what's he looking at, bud?

And I stuck my head not near him. I was within a meter, but not like up against him. And I was like, what are we looking at? And whoop-a! Yeah. Cracked in the dome. Oh my God, he had a swipe at you. Yeah.

He doesn't like you. I thought it was a pimple. Nah, okay. This is different to the one that's visible on my face. Wait, he scratched you twice. He scratched me three times. I thought it was a pimple. Nah, okay, this is different to the one that's visible on my face. Wait, he scratched you twice. He scratched me three times. Near the moustache. Do you think he was scared of the moustache?

The slug. It is. The slug. You know how they're scared of cucumbers when they turn around? He thought it was a little snake. He thought it was a furry cucumber. So that was like my first example of territorial catness. And then apparently our bed is no longer my space

Oh yeah, no, no, no Fuck this, you sound like Fletch You're making excuses for poor behaviour Get that cat out the fucking bed No, my cat doesn't take a He sleeps in the pillow next to me Oh, that's so much worse He sleeps between my legs and my back hurts

Oh, that's annoying Our one remaining cat, two have died, no one talked about it I walked in the other day and he was on our bed and I was like, and what the fuck do you think you're doing in here? And he got off and walked out.

Oh. That is so mean. It's his house. It's not his bed. They understand you. Good, good. No, my cat knows. My cat did this scratch me once

and I was like, you little bastard. And like, I gave it a rock up. Hasn't done it again. You're supposed to yell. Everybody else gets scratched by the cat. Yeah.

Not you. Yeah, right. So what happens now? You're in the beard. It's in the beard. Yeah, now I'm like, hey, man, this is me coming home from work yesterday. Hey, cat, how was your day? You know that I'm totally okay.

Yeah, I'm trying to be nice. I'm trying to, like, ingratiate myself. Nah, you've tried that. It's not worked. It's not working. You know what? I reckon that the people in Aussie are just going to be like, oh, we can't have a cat at our apartment.

That's your cat now. That's your cat now. No, no, no, no. I reckon your girlfriend's lied to you and she's... Yeah, she's a full-time adoption. That's something she would do. She would do that. She would do that, actually.

And then you're in love with this cat in two months and then she's like, oh, no, they can't take it. I bet you this is what's happening. So then you got a third swipe? Yeah, another crack to the dome because I made the mistake of looking out the window again. Oh, I can't take it. I bet you this is what's happening. So then you got a third swipe? Yeah, another crack to the dome because I made the mistake of looking out the window again. Oh, I'm not getting it. Do not walk out of the shower naked around this cat.

It sounds like a penis attacker. Oh, my God, it will be a schlong attacker. Apparently, if a cat scratches you, you're supposed to yelp like an animal, like, ow! That's what we got told. Really? Yeah, because they understand that they've hurt you. Whereas if you're like, ow! That's what we got told. Really?

Yeah, because they understand that they've hurt you. Whereas if you're like, ooh, you bastard, they don't get it. Whereas if you go, ow! And like, ooh! Can I do that

when my cat starts eating my couch or my curtains? The couch? Ow! The couch screams. They're like empathetic or something.

Yeah. Can you hear that? You've hurt the couch. Your neighbours are going to know because of the amount of times that Muz scratches your couch. They're going to be like, fuck, that guy next door,

he's got a girlfriend. She's like screaming all the time. They are into some rough stuff. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow on the couch! Oh my God,

now she's pretending to be a couch. Oh, kinky. What's he doing sitting on it watching television?