ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 7th February 2024

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

 On Today's Lil Bitta Pod; Georgia witnessed something rogue at the beach!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchbourne and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Grab any medium cafe hot coffee for just $4. Only in the app M's Feb 9. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Now over the weekend on her Instagram story, Georgia Burt was at the beach enjoying a beer and what I asked if she was reading on her Kindle.

Must be nice. Must be nice. I just got paperback. Yeah. So I can burn them when I get cold. And wipe my bottom with them. When they run out of paper. For the long drop.

Because that's how we live. And eat them when I'm hungry. Who said is this smart? And it wasn't. You're the only female in this world. In the world currently not reading smart. What are you reading if you're not reading smart? Well, I'm reading

anything other than Smart I love a little bit of thriller but also I'm dabbling at the moment in a bit of everything

yeah but if you have a thriller though you've got to have a bit of peppered Smart yeah but this book so far I've only had

fires so straight fires what somebody an arsonist we've had arsonists have we got an arsonist no the book starts off learning

all about how many fires Malibu's had. And so I was starting it off, I was like, this looks boring because it's all factual. Yeah, where's the sex? Where's the, like, and then I learned, then it got into, you know, we're learning about the characters. It starts like, there have been this many fires in Malibu over this many years. Well, you remember Miley Cyrus and Liam lost their mansion, didn't they? Well, now it won't, currently, I don't know when people will be listening to this podcast, but currently there's an atmospheric river over Los Angeles

and it's having record rainfall. That's good. Those big concrete culverts that they drove down in Greece are finally full of water. Yeah. As you'd imagine they would be. I know, because every time you go to LA, there's like never any water in those.

Nothing. Every time you go to LA, right? Every time. Every time. Like, virtually every time. Every time, yeah. Nothing a trickle at night. Every time you go to LA, right? Every time. Every time. Like, virtually every time. Every time, yeah. So, I said to Georgia if you're not, you're the only person not reading smart, she says she doesn't need

to read smart because what did you see happening on the beach, Georgia? Okay, so picture this. You're just on a wander with friends up from Christchurch. What beach? Which beach? What's the beach before Mission Bay? That kind of random one. That's got grass growing in the sand. Yeah, I don't like that one.

It's got Ferg's Kayaks next to it. It's before Kelly Tarleton's. It's like if the rest of the beaches are busy, you go to that one. Yeah, you don't. Mangy Beach. You don't. It's pretty mangy. It's got a good playground over the road.

Yes, it does actually. But anyway, there were lots of families. They were doing their Waitangi barbecues and they're having a good old time, right? And then you just look at it, and people watching. You keep walking, and you're walking along, and then all of a sudden the boys go, huh, could you imagine if that happened at the beach? And I was like, what?

What's happening? What are we doing over here? Cooking some saucies? We love a saucy. We look right down to our left-hand side. There's this older couple, I'd say. I mean, I don't mean to age anyone, but 55. Okay.

And their 50s. Okay. Shorts are up on the man, but her hands are up the shorts. It was like a jean short. What, reaching through the leg? Yeah, which was sort of very wrong. How are they going to get the movement reaching up through the leg? Not a short.

Wait, are we talking, is there a hand job? There's a handjob. But Zip's not undone, and these are jean shorts, so this is where I was a bit confused. Oh, no, no, I'm painting a different picture of them now. I know it's jean shorts at the beach, and he's getting a handjob. You're not going to get enough up and down. And a George.

He must have, because we kept walking, and then we're like, one of us needs to do a swifty back. We need to just kind of see how this is going to end. I don't need to see the ending. Ejaculation, I reckon. She's up in the water rinsing her hands. She's got her own rinse. I told you it's a mangy beach.

A Kahubei handjob. Yuck. So wait, there, are they under a beach towel? So, this is, no, fully not But they had Oh for God's sake It was an overgrown tree

So I'm guessing they thought What did they handjob? It was jean shorts in the trees by the beach She's going for a rinse afterwards Jesus Christ What time of the day was this? Like 1.30 Oh no

Prime beach hours You don't, prime beach hours? Yeah, that's not, that's not handjob hours, no. A lot of families around there. You know how like at the beach on a hot day, it'll bring like the barbecue and the big old gazebo. Oh yeah, the people that get there

early and set up a three, for a three bay gazebo and you're like, mother fuck. There was about three of those and then these guys just at the end, so we were like, oh, old couple, probably lizards. You know how old couples just go and tan all day. But they were fully clothed. Handbags. Having a good old handy.

Up the jorts. That's the thing I really can't get my mind around. Not much room. Not much given a jort. You're wearing a jort? I can't even get a hand in the jort leg. Were they a baggy jort? They must have been a baggy jort.

They were the baggy jort as if someone's cut the bottom off. Yeah, right. Also a bit shorter. Shorter jorter. You're just not getting enough motion. Anything. It'd just be like... You might as well just...

Short. Being that brazen, you might as well just undo the waistband. Now, but is that illegal if you can't see the handjob? Maybe that's why, because if the zip was open... Is it a lewd act if you can't see... Surely it's a lewd act. No, but is it a lewd act if you can't see the handjob? Maybe that's why, because if the zip was open... Is it a lewd act if you can't see... Surely it's a lewd act. No, but is it a lewd act if you can't see the penis? Let's get a legal expert on.

What constitutes a lewd act? Is a handjob and a set of shorts a lewd act? 1, 2, 5, indecent act in a public place. Or is it more of an impressive act? Because who can do a handjob with that much movement for a wrist? Everyone is liable for imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years

who willfully does an indecent act in any place. Oh, that doesn't spell out what indecent acts are, though. Yeah, what is an indecent act? Indecent communication. I mean, having a hand in a set of jorts on the beach feels indecent. I mean, just jorts on the beach feel indecent. Jorts should be an indecent act in themselves. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We've all left the jorts behind, Vaughn. Yeah. Oh, no, I do dig a jort. I dig a jort. No, you're thinking of a denim short, not the same as a jort. I'm going to message our lawyer friend and ask him if it's illegal. He's in Sydney. That might not be his specialty.

He might not be awake. That might not be his specialty. He might not be awake. I reckon it is his specialty. You do have to be concerned though because he could have something about married it. Just a quick question. If somebody's getting a handjob at the beach and you can't see the penis. Mention the jorts. And it's in jorts and

they're in their 50s. Is that a lewd act or is it only lewd if you see the penis? That's just a question. That's just a question. That's just a question. I don't know if that's your legal area, but what would your thoughts be? He's probably not going to get that until later. This could be a two-parter.

This could have to be a follow-up podcast. We might have to do a follow-up on the legal. Jeepers. Yeah. I mean, so you see all sides of what I'm getting. That is wild, eh? That is absolutely wild. It is a defense and a prosecution under this section

if the defendant proves that he or she had reasonable grounds for believing that he or she would not be observed. Not on a public beach. But again, we're litigating what is observed. Because the lewd act is undeniable, but you don't need to see the penis to know what's happening. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But then you might not, if you're young enough, you wouldn't know. Mum could just be. Mummy don't know, don't he? Just getting hot at the body shop. At the beach. At the beach. Oh, jeez.

Mummy does know. Mummy's got her hands up. Daddy's short. What if it wasn't mummy? Oh. Extramarital, handjob in the drawers. Cause? Oh. Extramarital handjob in the drawers. Cause for divorce. Not on my bingo list for 2024.

Short handjob. Not on my bingo list.