ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 8th August 2023

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

On Todays *Explicit* Lil Bitta Pod; Fletch & Hayley read out some WILD listener texts that were absolutely not appropriate for live radio!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Fletchbourne and Hayley's Little Bit of Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with MyMackersRewards. Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. The following podcast, not may contain, definitely does contain, a bit of coarse language and some sexual references. So not good for little ears. You have been warned. Today on A Little Bit of Pod, we're going to read out some messages we received on the text machine

that were not appropriate for on-air. Yeah, and also, I mean, we had so many in. Some of them were just short for time. Cut for time, as they say on SNL. Cut for time. Cut for time. Yeah, absolutely. So we're going to start with the weirdest thing that you were asked on a date,

and then we're going to get into the anonymous phone-in topic. Yes. When were you blackmailed? So this was on the back of the story of the woman who was asked if she could feel her biological clock ticking at the age of 37. What was the weirdest thing you heard on a date? Are you going to share yours, Shannon? Do you want to share yours, Shannon, to kick things off?

Now that we're on the podcast, do you want to share yours? I'm not going to say the exact circumstance, but we were catching up intimately. I mean, you didn't leave anything to the imagination there. We were catching up intimately.

Do you want to catch up? Yeah, he asked my views on abortion. Jesus Christ, while he's in... Oh my God. While he's inside. This wasn't like we hadn't had a mature discussion before about... Contraception. Contraception.

It wasn't like this was a one-off. More of a political standing. Where do you stand politically? Not where do you stand if this was to end it up. Would you like to be making love, somebody's inside you and they say, are you more Labour, ACT or National? I'd be like, why? Do you have some sort of super sperm or something? Yeah, oh my god

imagine. It was so What's your stance on the euthanasia bill? Sorry, what's your thing? It's so humiliating like, I can't just, yeah. Mortified. Yeah, wow. Someone on their second date got asked if I asked them if I would wear socks to bed.

Okay. When I said, I said earlier on the show that he was asked for just doing hand stuff. It was actually, he asked, am I happy with just oral as he's training for a kickboxing fight? Just wants the oral. So the kickboxers are like no fap.

No fap. Before an event. You've got to keep it all built up so that you're like. But I always thought like, do you know when the Olympics, because this always comes up when the Olympics or the Commonwealth Games are on and they have the big horned up villages. Plumidia Central. But I thought that was a thing that athletes perk because it releases them.

I thought it was good for you. Maybe it's certain sports like kickboxing is quite aggressive. So you want to keep a little bit of... But if people say don't fap, it makes me want to fap more. Do you know what I mean? If someone says you can't do it, I'm like morning on morning. Or if someone says to me, no, I'm on no fap, I'm like, challenge accepted.

We'll see about that. Little touch here, little touch here. Someone where's the anal one? On a first date, I was asked what my views on anal sex were. First date. Oh, okay. Anal what? I went on a second date and she was a freak.

Oh, okay. Right. So he was a boy saying this and she was a girl. Yeah, right. Hey guys, I've been a listener of ZM for many years. We don't like that song. Can you stop playing it? Get out of the text machine.

Get out. Which song is it? Because they've probably got a point. Last night. Oh, no. You got a face, Kyle. Oh, yeah. That song's divisive, I feel.

It is divisive. I like it. I'm having fun with it. Same. Here we go. I've gone too far. Oh, no. I'm having fun with it. Same. Here we go. I've gone too far. Oh, no. Someone's self-editing.

I asked what a sperm count. I read that out. Yeah, you did, yeah. I was asked if I had a skinny or fat fanny. Wait, what's a skinny fanny? Well, sometimes if you like a heavier set your your little pooch area that everyone has yeah can extend down further and puff the mound right i wish i had a nest i wish i had a nest i thought okay yeah right okay fat puss going on. I always remember, oh my God, it's in a Kendrick song, isn't it?

Life ain't shit, bit of fat vagina. Sorry, everyone, I've lost control. There was a rumor about a girl at an adjacent school to ours. It was always like, I've heard she's got a really fat vagina. Isn't that terrible? I don't think school kids are the worst. When you remember back to primary school, shit, it was ruthless. Oh, it was terrible.

God knows what people said about me um i had a guy once asked me if i liked being spanked right when the waiter was putting down the food in front of us i reckon you'd you worked at a restaurant eh shannon did you hear the wildest conversations because our friend james he he got he's been busted a couple of times when the waitress came over to the table Oh my god yes and we're always like sorry about that We would always place bets like table three is definitely a first date and then you'd just lurk around them longer and you'd hear so much Yeah like what kind of music are you

into? My favourite was I'll never forget there was a table of maybe ten older ladies like maybe 50, 60s and they were like, oh my goodness. So my husband told me I should try this thing called pegging. I'm not exaggerating. And then the other ladies were like, well, what's that?

And then I just kept going back and filling up waters like I was doing laps on the table. And she's like, so we tried it. So we got this little device and I put it on. I was like, this is the best thing ever. Oh my God. She did it. I was like this is oh my god she did it that's somebody's parents good for them yeah you know good for them uh i had lost weight naturally and he asked me if i had quote surgery where they suck the fat off me oh wow virginity request text oh so i shared on here um this here they've said off-air backstory

can be on pod. Here we go. Thank you. Here we go. This was the story where on the first day he asked if she could take his virginity. That's right. He explained his dad was a preacher or pastor so he'd grown up reasonably sheltered and he got the impression that I had the required experience. I get the impression

you're a bit of a hooch. So thought he would ask. Literally at a small Asian restaurant, I've never been more turned off in my life. But it did also blow my mind as he was super attractive, well-educated and a nice guy. I just can't do a vanilla relationship. Who's going to say he's going to be vanilla? Fuck the hot guy. Come on. Come on, he's hot. He's hot. Take it. Take it from him. He wants to give it to you. Okay, I think maybe... I think we're done. Are we done?

We're done with those ones. Okay, so we move now to the anonymous final, which I think was a success for the first time ever, wasn't it? It's a great success. We've been saying Vaughn Ho all show, haven't we? We have been saying Vaughn who all show we have you seen we miss him and we love him but honestly get back to work you lazy fuck um have you ever been blackmailed and so we had a lot of uh calls come through that were like quite serious

and text messages that we just won't even bother with yeah it's not not fun um but then there were some juicy ones that we some more we didn't have time for't have time for or were a bit too much I blackmail my older brother with his secret all the time an ongoing blackmail he cheated on his wife for four years on a night out he came to me about it and asked me to never say anything as he wasn't going to come

forth to her he put his trust in you and now you're blackmailing him to this day they are still together and she doesn't know he quit drinking for good after this and did seem genuinely horrified with himself yes i feel guilty every day for it but i also don't want to ruin his marriage but of course every now and then it's nice to have something up my sleeve what does it say what she's getting out of it like no i think she just uses it being like well i'll tell need a bit of

babysitting need the lawns mowed. Yeah. Need this picked up. Buy me that drink. Yeah. Or I'm going to say something. An old story from Glasgow. I wasn't blackmailed, but my ex-husband was.

His friend needed a place to hide out as his father-in-law had discovered that he was having many affairs. Bad. But worse when your father is a gang leader and has put a contract out on this idiot what what did you sister read this out on air well a contract out means they want to kill yeah they want to kill i'm gonna kill him okay good lord he asked my ex who said he was nervous about helping him out or like hiding him with him i found out much later that he was told that if he didn't help out he would tell me that my ex had been playing the field. Oh, so he had been,

her ex had been cheating. So I lived for three months with a slime ball in my home, bringing new girlfriends in and out. It was only when he left that I found a baseball bat and chain in the room he was staying in for his own protection. Very glad nothing came of it, but it was the final straw for me.

Oh my God. That is, thank God you got out of that alive. Yeah. Oh, I also told the story on air of the real estate agent who was working the gherkin. They actually texted saying it was jerking the gherkin. Yes. I loved how you changed that to working.

Yeah. Imagine that. We've got friends that work in real estate. I could not imagine them masturbating in the kitchen. I know. Oh, my God. Imagine that. We've got friends that work in real estate. I could not imagine them masturbating in the kitchen. Oh, my God. How rude. I was blackmailed into helping pay for my brother's OE, or he would knock to my parents that I had had an abortion.

My parents are heavily involved in the church. No. They are Christian elders. To this day, they don't't know and my brother is still an asshole for bringing him okay you're a piece of shit if you're doing that to your sister come on oh my god so how much money did she pay i don't know it doesn't say man juicy i think i think those are the juiciest ones i, a lot of people blackmailing for cheating. Yeah.

What a wild show, guys. Wild. Thank you so much for the messages. Yeah, keep them coming. We love it.